Who ever said, using the Wand of Wonder would be easy? No body that's who! The reason being that it's a fickle weapon for us jester's to be using. But it is the weapon of choice for most jester's. So we have to take the bad with the good, bad being most.
For example, recently I had a run in with a gang of vampires, who were handpicking their new recruits. I being my clever self stood outside the tavern that had a line of hopefuls to be let in. I needn't wait long, for once they saw my glamerous outfit they waved me inside.
I didn't have to blink, let alone react. A filthy vampire (huge in fact) attacked me. Flipping backwards, I had my wand at the ready and called for a firebolt. Did it happen like I planned? Nooooo! Damn thing laughed at me and I missed my intended mark. Before I knew it I had scratches all over my beautiful face. Why must they go for the face?
Scrambling for cover, I hid behind the over turned table and again called forth the firebolt, damned if it didn't hit it's mark and blasted the table behind the vampire that was hissing at me and getting ready to lunge! So, ok. It's not the only weapon I have in my arsenal. Luckily, the vampire missed me and I was able to flip backwards again. This time throwing two daggers, I swear Loki was not on my side this day. Probably having a good laugh at my expense. I supposed I pissed him off the last time we came face to face. I am a rebellious daughter, but come on! Throw some luck my way father!
Getting back to the reason I'm telling you my plight. I hit my mark once with one dagger the other sailed past his ear. Now, things are really getting desperate for me. Because, one I don't want to be turned into a vampire, two I don't want to die either! If your wondering where is my counterpart at this particular time, why he is waiting outside because he wasn't fool enough to fill out the application.
A smartass jester my husband is, and he likes to gloat about it too. Oh, he sure as hell heard the commotion that was happening inside this hell I was involved in. Believe me as the vampire came at me and lashed out his claws, I felt the sting once again. This wand of mine, I was beginning to hate it. But I wasn't going to give up on it just at this time. I had to try it again. So another firebolt call, and thank Loki it worked this time, it blew the vampire back twenty feet, its burning up pretty bad against the other wall. Yech, hate the smell of burning flesh and the piercing screams did sound good though.
"Enough, cease your fighting." A dark silky voice interrupted my plans of hitting my next target while I felt lucky with my wand.
" Who the hell are you?" I demanded, I still wanted some vampire ass. And I was wondering if and when Jingles would come inside and claim he was rescuing me.
A sinister laugh was my answer from this very tall, too -good- for- his- looks vampire. " Doesn't matter, little fighter, I want you to join my vampire guild."
" Get bent! I don't work for vampires, especially ones who try having me killed!"
" Ahh, my dear girl. I have to make sure your able to survive among my fellow vampires. I can't have weaklings in my thieves guild. Only the best. I'll ask you once more, do you join me?"
" A vampire thieves guild? You gotta be kidding. I'd sooner stick my wand up your ass than to join you!" I spat back. Wiping the blood off my cheek. Damn those scratches hurt.
He smirked at me and then swept his arm towards the door, to let me leave.
I thumbed my nose at him and skipped out the door. The nerve of some vampires!
When I was outside, Jingles was waiting for me. " Thanks for nothing! couldn't you come in and help me?"
" Not with three vampires guarding the door. I assume that was what you were fighting inside?" He fingered my cheek.
I nodded and told him I needed get some healing draughts.
Oh, that blasted Wand! At my level, I have an 89% for results. You would think the dice would be on my side as well. But it isn't more often than not. I've come too close to dying. If Jingles didn't make his roll, to save me more times than I can count, I wouldn't be going on my next adventure. But when I do make my roll, then the damage is GREAT! The thing is with the wand, if I fumble a roll, that's when the mayhem begins and sometimes it's very funny with what results I get.
I've surrounded myself in darkness, I shrunk a horse, I called for a Rhino and got a mouse. Fairie fire surrounded my parties heads, I've caused a war forge to move in slow motion for several hours. I caused a hurricane in a castle. (Remember that one?) Rainstorm, caused a stinkbomb in a tavern and made everyone in my party see colors of the rainbow for several hours.
But on the good side of using my wand, I've burned and killed zombies, ogres, werewolves. I was able to escape Satan's hell and defeat his demon. Saved a hobbit and am now and forever his protector in life with the rings that bind us.
The thing is, no matter how things may turn out, I will never not use my wand. I have to, it is a must for a jester to use it. I may stomp, cry and curse it but there are times when I'm very happy to have it. The reason it is called a Wonder.