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4 months ago ::
Jan 16, 2013 - 4:57PM
#1
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Date Joined:
Jan 16, 2013
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The guy is a great friend and we hang out at least weekly but I don't always have time to make it to his games. He has one every weekend and they generally last about 8+ hours. I love playing but the games are long and I pretty much need to have my whole day free in order to attend. So until recently I was playing maybe once every couple weeks and then he pulled me aside to tell me it was too much of a stress not to know if my character would be a consistent part of the campaign and that I had to either make a commitment to be there each week or not at all.
I was honestly kindof surprised, I know that I am the one that misses the most games out of all the people in the group (usually around 5 of us) but other people seem to miss some here and there and it never hindered the game, we just went along without them.
Is this a common thing for DM's to feel? I've never been one myself so I guess I don't understand why it's so stressful.
It seems like he could just allow me to play a more generic character who doesn't matter too much to the story and it should be all fine and dandy.
I guess I'm just wondering if he's being a little unreasonable about it or if I was actually putting stress on the game. I'd still like to play when I'm available if possible so any advice would be much appreciated.
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4 months ago ::
Jan 16, 2013 - 5:31PM
#2
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Date Joined:
Mar 28, 2010
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well you should probably tell him what you just typed out to us here. You like the game obviously, since you're taking the time to try and figure this out, so you would probably want to keep playing. Maybe just try to explain that to him, but that you also have a life outside of the DnD and unfortunately (like other people at the table) it will happen that you won't make a session.
I figure if you can give him some heads up about you being or not being there it should be ok. One part that could be annoying for him though is having to re-balance his encounters with a player or 2 missing from the table. If you plan for 6 players and you get 4, it could get annoying if it happens alot. I suggest talking to your DM again and trying to figure it out together. There's not much an online forum can do for you in reality to solve the problem.
One suggestion I can give, if things don't get better, is that if you know you can only play every 2 weeks why not join a group that plays every 2 weeks, you know ? If you're open to playing DnD with a different group that is.
"Non nobis Domine Sed nomini tuo da gloriam" "I wish for death not because I want to die, but because I seek the war eternal"
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4 months ago ::
Jan 16, 2013 - 5:33PM
#3
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Date Joined:
Aug 15, 2011
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When someone can't show up to our game, we usually just do something else that night; card or video or board games, movie night, or just sit around shooting the breeze, so it's really not an issue.
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4 months ago ::
Jan 16, 2013 - 5:47PM
#4
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Date Joined:
Jan 16, 2013
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@Noctaem
Well I usually can give at least 3-4 days notice but yeah I didn't know it would be a whole process to balance the encounters differently. He seems to make so much of that part up off the top of his head! You are right I will need to talk to him eventually I guess I was just seeking some outside opinion on why this was happening in the first place. And yeah your suggestion makes sense but I am mostly playing because I like hanging out with my friends and they play each week. I'm not actively seeking other groups... yet anyway.
@LolaBonne
Is that because you don't want people to miss out or because it is difficult to change the game to accomadate the missing person? I personally wouldn't mind if a game had to progress a bit without me and just have people fill me in later but I know some would be a little upset by that.
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4 months ago ::
Jan 16, 2013 - 5:50PM
#5
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Date Joined:
Mar 28, 2010
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@Noctaem
Well I usually can give at least 3-4 days notice but yeah I didn't know it would be a whole process to balance the encounters differently. He seems to make so much of that part up off the top of his head! You are right I will need to talk to him eventually I guess I was just seeking some outside opinion on why this was happening in the first place.
@LolaBonne
Is that because you don't want people to miss out or because it is difficult to change the game to accomadate the missing person? I personally wouldn't mind if a game had to progress a bit without me and just have people fill me in later but I know some would be a little upset by that.
You know it's possible that because you guys are friends outside the game itself, it might be the source of the whole problem. In the sense that he might feel like you don't care about the campaign he's running or something. Just saying since you pointed out others have missed sessions and you didn't notice the DM caring as much.
"Non nobis Domine Sed nomini tuo da gloriam" "I wish for death not because I want to die, but because I seek the war eternal"
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4 months ago ::
Jan 16, 2013 - 5:55PM
#6
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Date Joined:
Jan 16, 2013
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You know it's possible that because you guys are friends outside the game itself, it might be the source of the whole problem. In the sense that he might feel like you don't care about the campaign he's running or something. Just saying since you pointed out others have missed sessions and you didn't notice the DM caring as much.
I have been a little afraid of that since he can be a tad temperamental at times but I do always tell him I have a good time playing with him and the guys. I don't really know how else I would convince him though.
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4 months ago ::
Jan 16, 2013 - 5:58PM
#7
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Date Joined:
Dec 21, 2012
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It sounds like he's upset because you miss much more compared to the others. It might not be a bad idea to suggest shorter but more frequent sessions. This way people miss less but can get together more often.
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4 months ago ::
Jan 16, 2013 - 5:58PM
#8
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Player attendance from a planning perspective only becomes really important if the DM is counting on certain characters being present due to a predetermined plot. "I planned to have a big scene between Mr. NPC and Ragnar. Ragnar's player can't make it to the game. I'm boned!" When the DM has a story to tell and story arcs based upon specific characters, if those characters aren't there due to PC death, change of character ("I'm bored with Ragnar..."), or player absenteeism, it can ruin a gaming session. Or, it could mean that encounters are scaled a certain way and too few players means that it will be too hard or fall flat due to having to strip out the bells and whistles. Does your game fall into these categories?
A location- or situation-based game without a predetermined plot does not suffer from this problem. Players can come and go and it doesn't really matter because you're creating the story as you play rather than before you play. Characters can be written in and out with no real issues. Of course, this is DMing advice more than player advice, but perhaps this gives you some perspective as to why your DM is stressing out over the issue. A change in style would alleviate this problem for the DM (along with a whole host of others issues). Again, assuming your DM falls into those categories. If he or she doesn't, then I'd struggle to imagine what the real problem is, except that it sounds very personal and not game-related.
I would recommend as others have that you speak to the DM as frankly as you have posted above. A direct, out-of-game conversation between two mature friends (I hope) is no substitute for advice given by a bunch of strangers on the forums. If your DM would like to learn how to structure his or her game prep so that player absenteeism really isn't an issue, feel free to direct said DM my way. I'm happy to help.
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4 months ago ::
Jan 16, 2013 - 6:02PM
#9
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if he's running it every weekend and it goes that long, he has to be willing to have absences, if he can't deal with it then he isn't going to have anybody left to play
it seems unreasonable to me, to expect perfect attendance on a weekly game when there are so many things that can happen in people's lives
it has to start with him, I'm pretty reasonable about people not being around, sometimes their character would be there as an NPC (I turned my friend's warlord into a lazy warlord when he couldn't make it) or sometimes their character just spent the whole session "in the can" but then I am not a very serious DM
in your case he probably feels like he is putting a lot more into it than you are and if he wants you to be there more thats fine, but he is pushing it to an extreme making it all or nothing, which is not a reasonable request to make of you. you're going to have to tell him as much, that you'll do your best to be there every week but he shouldn't be putting more pressure on you than on the other players, maybe it should be bi-weekly, maybe then he will have more time to prepare and will stress out less
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4 months ago ::
Jan 16, 2013 - 6:02PM
#10
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Date Joined:
Dec 21, 2012
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Player attendance from a planning perspective only becomes really important if the DM is counting on certain characters being present due to a predetermined plot. "I planned to have a big scene between Mr. NPC and Ragnar. Ragnar's player can't make it to the game. I'm boned!" When the DM has a story to tell and story arcs based upon specific characters, if those characters aren't there due to PC death, change of character ("I'm bored with Ragnar..."), or player absenteeism, it can ruin a gaming session. Or, it could mean that encounters are scaled a certain way and too few players means that it will be too hard or fall flat due to having to strip out the bells and whistles. Does your game fall into these categories?
A location- or situation-based game without a predetermined plot does not suffer from this problem. Players can come and go and it doesn't really matter because you're creating the story as you play rather than before you play. Characters can be written in and out with no real issues. Of course, this is DMing advice more than player advice, but perhaps this gives you some perspective as to why your DM is stressing out over the issue. A change in style would alleviate this problem for the DM (along with a whole host of others issues). Again, assuming your DM falls into those categories. If he or she doesn't, then I'd struggle to imagine what the real problem is, except that it sounds very personal and not game-related.
I would recommend as others have that you speak to the DM as frankly as you have posted above. A direct, out-of-game conversation between two mature friends (I hope) is no substitute for advice given by a bunch of strangers on the forums. If your DM would like to learn how to structure his or her game prep so that player absenteeism really isn't an issue, feel free to direct said DM my way. I'm happy to help.
Yeah we can't play if someone cannot be there because there are only 4 of us including the DM.
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