Community

Dec 24, 2012 -- 9:42AM, Beldak_Serpenthelm wrote:

Wow.

Fire the DM, find someone else. Anybody else.

This suggestion came up a few times, and it's easy to say but please consider that firstly this person is not just the DM of my D&D campaign, but also my friend and I have to take his feelings into consideration. I also don't speak for the entire group with my opinion so it is not my place to fire anybody or kick anybody else out. Nobody else has raised any concerns about this so as it stands at the moment I am the minority.

If it was as easy as just kicking the person out of the group then I could have done that already, which is why I was looking to start up a discussion about how other people might have overcome this or similiar situations.

Dec 24, 2012 -- 1:26PM, TheForgottenCommand wrote:

Is this his first time DM'ing?

Regardless, I would try to speak to him. First in private, and then assembled the group and have a meeting. Make sure that everyone understands from the begining that this is not the time for screaming/blaming, but one for a sharing of constructive opinions, criticisms, and questions from both sides.

He needs to understand that the DM is not a director and the players are not actors with a script. This is a story that is built by the players and problems within that story need to have multiple options and solutions that are aligned with a PC.

If that doesn't work, ask him (With the rest of the group present) to let someone else from the group DM. And if that doesn't work, either ask him to leave the group or leave yourself.

Don't throw in the towl just yet. Good luck.

HTH

Yes, it is his first time DMing.

I have spoken to him privately about this after the first example I gave regarding not allowing the ranger to scout off the road so that he didn't spoil the ambush encounter that had been set up. Throughout the discussion he seemed to agree with everything I said, yet when we came back to play in the next session it had all been forgotten or ignored or disregarded for whatever reason. I could bring it up again but at this point I feel like I'm just being an awkward player or like a kid having a tantrum or something because the game is not going the way I want it to. It's not like that, but I'm very conscious that it probably comes across that way as I type it out here, or try to talk to him about it.

Dec 24, 2012 -- 11:01PM, Centauri wrote:

Well, he asks a good question: why aren't you doing it?

Not that you don't have good reasons, and not that he doesn't have questionable reasons, but what if you just went along with him? Bought the mark, didn't spoil ambushes, or whatever else? It's possible to find "in-character" reasons for all of these, if you're willing to. The trick, then, is just to be willing to.

This DM is inartful, but you're not going to change him by trying to do things your way. Go along for the game time, and then talk to him about it after the game. He's blocking you, yes, but you're blocking him, each of you trying to get the game to go your way. Now, in the DM forums, I'm firmly on the side of letting the player do their thing, because there's no advice I can give a DM to enable them to change a player. Here, there's nothing I can tell you except to let the DM do their thing (apart from kicking the guy or walking out, which solves the immediate issue, but perhaps not the long-term ones).

The "Yes, and..." approach works on the player side too. So, next time he suggests something to you, and it's "obvious what you should be doing," look for a way to say "Yes," and then do what you can to embrace and enhance the idea, making it in some small way your own, to the point that you can enjoy it and want to see it play out.

Okay, a lot to say here about the post that spawned the real discussion in this thread. It seems to have kicked up a bit of head-butting over the subject and nothing I can say will put padding between that so I'll try and focus on the salient question:

Why am I not just going along with what he wants?

I guess because I feel like there should be more than one way to approach an encounter and that having such a linear path undermines the game elements of D&D; without which we would be left with only a few people sitting around a table listening to someone tell a story. I gave a few examples in my first post but let me be clear that when I attempted to make those checks, for example to intimidate my way into the castle; the DM did not patronise me by allowing me to roll the check while setting a ridiculously high DC, he just flat out refused to let me even try. "No. He cannot be intimidated." "Can I even roll to try?" "No." "Can I find another way in?" "No." "Anything?" "Go back and do what you're told."

It doesn't just happen in a way that is negative to us either. Let me give you this short dialogue between player and DM:

"Roll a perception check."
"7. That probably doesn't do it."
"Really? 7? Roll again."
"Uh.. Okay. 11 this time."
"You're supposed to pass this. Roll again."
"24."
"Finally. You notice..."

To you does that not completely defeat the purpose of rolling the dice in the first place?

(I should also note, although I'm sure you all got it, everything that I quote here is paraphrased. This is not really word for word, but me briefly trying to get across the point. It might make the DM sound like more of a jerk than he really is.)

You're right that I won't be able to change him and maybe I could just do everything that he wants us to do and just go along with it, but while that may work for some, I feel that if I wanted to only play the combat encounters then I would play a strategy game instead, and if I wanted a linear unchangeable story that I am unable to shape in any way then I would probably just read a book. I hope that answers your question about my motivations at least. I wrote a considerably longer response and then lost it by trying to delete a sentence and backspacing (back) away from the page. Frustrating.

Dec 25, 2012 -- 12:14AM, svendj wrote:

This is solved much easier and quicker by sharing your feelings with your DM instead of random strangers on a D&D forum.

Yep. I did. But I was also curious if others had felt that they were in a similiar situation and wanted to open up a discussion about it. Also, at the time I posted it was immediately after the session and I was irritated by the whole situation, which would have been a bad time to talk to the guy, because we would have just ended up arguing. Arguably it would have been better for me to cathartically vent into a journal or something, but the responses have been quite interesting nonetheless. I get your point though. It is a bit of a "self-help" thread, so sorry about that!

Everyone that said "Stop playing."

You're right, and I probably should. One caveat to the "not enjoying it" part of the question I first raised though. I am not "not enjoying" D&D. I am not enjoying what we are currently doing, which I do not feel has any real game to it. In a few months when it rolls around to the next DM, or I am DMing again myself I am sure I will be having a blast and all the players will be mad at me for my flaws and posting on forums about how big a jerk their DM is. The guy is new and he is my friend and I want to give him a chance and I don't want to hurt his feelings by disappearing for the remainder of his campaign only to return again later (also they would probably immediately replace me as has happened with other players who have tried this move before).

Anyway, thanks for all of the responses so far.