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Hey guys, I have been brewing this them up for the past day or so and thought I'd get some feedback from the community. It goes as follows (names are up in the air. Background flavor is more or less non-existant at this point).
Prerequisite: You must have a deity
Every once an a while, wars break out in the name of various gods. Fervent men and women who fight in these wars find themselves empowered by their gods, giving them limited power, similar to those granted to priests or paladins. These people, these Crusaders, find themselves having heightened abilities for short bursts of times. Even after the wars are over, a select few men and women find themselves keeping these abilities, making themselves more effective as an adventurer. Adventuring Crusaders know that, at some point, they will find themselves returning to their duty for their god, whether it be another war, or some other mission, they owe their power to their gods.
Crusader Starting Feature(1st Level): You gain the channel divinity feature and gain the Crusader Strike ability.
Crusader Level 5 Feature: You gain a +2 power bonus to your Heal and Intimidate skills.
Crusader Level 10 Feature: You are granted one Channel Divinity feat of your choice. You must still meet all prerequisites of the feat
Thoughts, criticisms, and feedback is very much welcomed.
Edit 05/27/2012: Typos fixed, abilities tweaked, some flavor added
As a forewarning, i am by no means an expert on theme construction, but seeing as no one else has posted on this, i will give it a shot.
1. The level 1 feature grants the ability "Purging Strike" but the first power is labeled "Crusader's Strike". Is there a typo or is something missing?
2. The level 5 feature grants a flat +2 bonus. Most level 5 features grant a power bunus so that it doesn't stack with other skill enhancing powers that others, esp. leaders, start giving out. Still, heal and intimidate are fairly second-tier skills so a flat bonus might be fine.
3. The granted power would only really be effective/used by essentials classes or other classes that rely on MBA (melee basic attacks). This power would be of little use to a class that has good at-will powers like the ranger or a very poor basic attack like a battlemind. That could be switched to at-will or MBA, but then you may want to switch the effect for something else. An extra auto hit is a BIG bonus for a nova round. maybe an extra damage die, the ability to add radiant to the keywords and change all damagae dealt by said power to radiant, and/or an effect if the target dies.
4. I can hardly imagine the look on a rogue player's face when they see this utility power. Made of gold, for them. I would trim it down to: you gain combat advantage against one creature in the burst until the end of the encounter or until you are unconcious. A +2 bonus to hit for the rest of the encounter is great, especialy for ranged characters.
5. The last utility power could use a little more umph. Not much, but a little.
6. Also, the last 2 utility powers have the same name and flavor text.
The idea is great, a crusader theme could go places but needs to establish its own tread and flavor to distinguish itself from the similar sounding Knight Hospitaler or Sohei. One idea might be that this theme is purely Martial. This could be an offensively oriented path of a knight that served a god but never went through paladin rites, or a veteren soldier fighting for an ideal in a brutal religous war fought with militias and mercenaries rather than paladin brotherhoods. Just a thought on making something that hasn't been done before.
Like what you started with. Hope this helps.
And welcome to the forums.
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