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Switch to Forum Live View Homebrew theme, looking for feedback.
13 months ago  ::  May 25, 2012 - 10:14PM #1
Vecarith
Vecarith
Date Joined: May 5, 2012
Posts: 5
Hey guys, I have been brewing this them up for the past day or so and thought I'd get some feedback from the community. It goes as follows (names are up in the air. Background flavor is more or less non-existant at this point).



Crusader
Prerequisite: You must have a deity

Every once an a while, wars break out in the name of various gods. Fervent men and women who fight in these wars find themselves empowered by their gods, giving them limited power, similar to those granted to priests or paladins. These people, these Crusaders, find themselves having heightened abilities for short bursts of times. Even after the wars are over, a select few men and women find themselves keeping these abilities, making themselves more effective as an adventurer. Adventuring Crusaders know that, at some point, they will find themselves returning to their duty for their god, whether it be another war, or some other mission, they owe their power to their gods.


Crusader Starting Feature(1st Level): You gain the channel divinity feature and gain the Crusader Strike ability.

Crusader Level 5 Feature: You gain a +2 power bonus to your Heal and Intimidate skills.

Crusader Level 10 Feature: You are granted one Channel Divinity feat of your choice. You must still meet all prerequisites of the feat

Crusader's Strike Crusader Attack
You channel the strength of your god into your attack, empowering your attack.
Encounter Channel Divinity, Divine,
Free Action - Special
Channel Divinity:You can only use 1 channel Divinity power per encounter 
Trigger: You hit your enemy with an attack 
Effect: You add an additional 1d6 to your attack. And you may change the damage to radiant.
Level 11: You add to an additional 2d6 to your attack.
Level 21: You add an additional 3d6 to your attack. 


Crusader's Phalanx Crusader Utility 2
You step up beside your ally, each ready to defend the other if needed
Daily Stance
Minor Action - Personal
Effect: You enter the Crusader's Phalanx stance. While you are in this stance, you and all adjacent allies have a +2 to their AC and reflex. If you are knocked prone, this effect is negated until you stand up.


Crusader's Persistance Crusader Utility 6
You focus on your enemy, granting you divine accuracy
Encounter Divine
Minor Action - Close Burst 10
Target:One Creature in the Burst
Effect: You gain combat advantage against the target until the end of the encounter or you fall unconcious.



Crusader's Resurgence Crusader Utility 10
You grow strength in the defeat of your enemy, preparing you for your next fight.
Encounter Divine, Healing
Free Action - Personal
Trigger:You reduce a creature to 0 hit points on your turn
Effect: You gain hit points as if you spent a healing surge + 1d6. You get resist 3 to all damage until the end of your next turn.



Thoughts, criticisms, and feedback is very much welcomed.

Cheers!

Edit 05/27/2012: Typos fixed, abilities tweaked, some flavor added
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13 months ago  ::  May 27, 2012 - 9:35PM #2
TheForgottenCommand
TheForgottenCommand
Date Joined: Aug 28, 2011
Posts: 354
Hey,

As a forewarning, i am by no means an expert on theme construction, but seeing as no one else has posted on this, i will give it a shot. 

1. The level 1 feature grants the ability "Purging Strike" but the first power is labeled "Crusader's Strike". Is there a typo or is something missing?

2. The level 5 feature grants a flat +2 bonus. Most level 5 features grant a power bunus so that it doesn't stack with other skill enhancing powers that others, esp. leaders, start giving out. Still, heal and intimidate are fairly second-tier skills so a flat bonus might be fine.
 
 3. The granted power would only really be effective/used by essentials classes or other classes that rely on MBA (melee basic attacks). This power would be of little use to a class that has good at-will powers like the ranger or a very poor basic attack like a battlemind. That could be switched to at-will or MBA, but then you may want to switch the effect for something else. An extra auto hit is a BIG bonus for a nova round. maybe an extra damage die, the ability to add radiant to the keywords and change all damagae dealt by said power to radiant, and/or an effect if the target dies. 
 
 4. I can hardly imagine the look on a rogue player's face when they see this utility power. Made of gold, for them. I would trim it down to: you gain combat advantage against one creature in the burst until the end of the encounter or until you are unconcious. A +2 bonus to hit for the rest of the encounter is great, especialy for ranged characters.   
 
 5. The last utility power could use a little more umph. Not much, but a little.
 
 6. Also, the last 2 utility powers have the same name and flavor text.
 
 The idea is great, a crusader theme could go places but needs to establish its own tread and flavor to distinguish itself from the similar sounding Knight Hospitaler  or Sohei. One idea might be that this theme is purely Martial. This could be an offensively oriented path of a knight that served a god but never went through paladin rites, or a veteren soldier fighting for an ideal in a brutal religous war fought with militias and mercenaries rather than paladin brotherhoods. Just a thought on making something that hasn't been done before.
 
 Like what you started with. Hope this helps.
 
 And welcome to the forums.
                   
He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. -Revelation 21:6
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13 months ago  ::  May 27, 2012 - 10:01PM #3
Vecarith
Vecarith
Date Joined: May 5, 2012
Posts: 5
Thanks for the information and criticism, the OP is getting edited and tweaked. For the most part, the screw ups with the names were mostly typos, nothing really missing there.
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