The Dirt Nap

Contest things:

Name: The Dirt Nap

Business: Bar, Casino, Restaurant, Cabaret, Black Market Mecca

Inventory: Described Below—See especially the section on Alchemy. 

Layout: The Dirt Nap is located in a giant Cypress knee known as Dolf’s Knee (described below) about 15’ below the city of Tradegate’s most prestigious cemetery.  The establishment was carved out of the living wood by giant beetles (directed, but still…) and so most of the rooms and corridors have rounded and irregular shapes.  The large main chamber at the The Dirt Nap’s front is roughly square and has enough room to house hundreds of people.  On the left of this giant chamber is the bar run by the proprietor, Glint, and a revolving door of employees.   Because of the imprecise nature of its construction, The Dirt Nap uses screens and curtains rather than doors, but all areas that are screened off are also generally guarded by employees of one of the various guilds that inhabit The Dirt Nap.  A maze of tunnels runs off The Dirt Nap main chamber connecting to smaller chambers which are put to various and temporary use.  Glint’s living chambers are located behind the bar.  Changing rooms for The Dirt Nap’s dancers are located behind the main stage.

NPCs: See below

Point of Light: The Dirt Nap is located in the town, Tradegate, which borders the world of mortals and the Feywyld.  It may be put anywhere in a campaign using the regular 4e cosmology.  The town itself is more in the Feywyld than in the world of Mortals, so though it may be reached from many points on a mortal map (points that are not necessarily near one another), the town itself does not take up any space in the mortal world.  Nonetheless, Tradegate is a point of light in the Feywyld

Optional Elements

3.Lair: The establishment serves as a neutral ground for the meeting of three main guilds involved in the city’s lucrative black market.  It is also located within the lair of a tribe of kobolds (see “The Telftelfioxis Tribe and Morias Slinderhitch” below).

4.Portal: One of The Dirt Nap’s patrons is, himself, a living gateway into the Feywyld (see Telvios Bog)

Atmosphere:

            The Dirt Nap is an enormously popular and horribly seedy hangout for the underworld of the fey wyld including a thieves guild, an assassin’s guild, and a corrupt church.  It is meant to be a cross between Moulon Rouge, The House of the Rising Son, and a 19^th century opium den.  People go there to be entertained into total depravity, and, with the introduction of highly addictive special potions called Plaint Juices, it may even entice a player or two into the coils of the Fey city’s seedy underbelly.

City history:

Some few centuries ago, a powerful Fey known as the Queen of Twilight, ordered that the gate through a wall dividing the Western and Eastern portions of her demesne be suddenly closed.  The copper dragon Tyrexes was placed as a guard to ward off all who would try to reopen the portal and return to the Feywyld.  She offered no explanation or warning to the fey creatures living in the West in the portion of the kingdom that bordered the mortal world; they were simply trapped with no way home.  The civil structure of fey lords and vassals soon broke down as most of the fey refugees headed towards the gate to wait for its re-opening. Once collected there, the refugees formed a large encampment which has since continued to grow, becoming first a town, and then a veritable tent city populated by desperate Fey creatures and a sizable group of mortals who have, over the years, dared to venture forth into the haphazard streets of this border town.  That city has come to be called Tradegate.

The great Cypress tree, in which the gate was originally carved, is surrounded by enormous “knees” (like Cypress knees) and out of them the citizens of Tradegate soon carved a complex of more permanent structures to house permanent businesses and offices for municipal functionaries.  The knee furthest from town, ‘Dolf’s Knee,’ soon became famous as a spot of ill repute, despite the fact that its top most spire had been set aside as a graveyard for the well to do and social elite of Tradegate.

The most important event in the life of the city is the Ascension Day festival, during which a citizen of Tradegate is chosen to attempt to channel the Queen of Twilight so as to order Tyrexes away from his post.  Hundreds of years ago, Ascension Day began in earnest, but now the contest has become a Mardi Gras-esque fey carnival ending in a potion-fueled beauty contest.  The winner, by tradition, is the only being allowed to speak with the dragon for the following year—although also by tradition, the town tends to fulfill all requests made by the Ascension Queen or King, who, for the span of that year, become central to the social world of Tradegate.  For this reason, a powerful black market has emerged around the major alchemical components for the construction of beauty potions.  The recipes for these potions vary from Crone to Crone (fey alchemists), but generally include griffon feathers, dragon scales, or the tears of powerful fey creatures known collectively, as the Salutarai (like the Queen of Twilight, for instance).  Note, Salutarai is more of a term of reverence given to the most ancient of fey and is not an actual designation of race.

The principal players in this black market are three organizations:  Gibbold’s Gets, Preferably Dead, and the local temple of Erathis.  Outright street war is heavily discouraged from within and without these organizations because the central economy of Tradegate is reliant upon tourists, visiting revelers, and other outsiders who come to trade.  No one wants to risk their economic prosperity in a guild war, and so diplomatic solutions are generally (though not always) encouraged.  These negotiations are held in the one spot of the city that lies outside the main province of all three organizations within The Dirt Nap —a recreational establishment in Dolf’s Knee that sits just under the city’s most prestigious graveyards.  The Dirt Nap is run by Trindle Grint a member of the shape-shifting fey race known as pookah.  In his humanoid form, he resembles a Halfling with a blunt pink nose and ribbons of white and black vertical stripes running down his long triangular face.  The overall effect looks more like stage make up than natural racial features.  In his animal form, Trindle is a badger.

Putting The Dirt Nap into a campaign 

The Dirt Nap is a place of intrigue for city based adventures that are ultimately very ‘fantasied up.’  Its position as the hub of seedy business in a fey border town allows it the potential as a backdrop or jumping off point into extreme fantasy and high magic.  It also has all the flavor of criminality and subterfuge for political games.  Lastly, The Dirt Nap and Tradegate allow the flavor of Feywyld campaigns at lower levels and work well as introductory settings for campaigns that will later delve deeper into the world of the fey.

Non-Guild Personalities/Features:

The Dirt Nap Business (official and unofficial):  The Dirt Nap is first and foremost a bazaar of entertainment.  Almost any barely legal activity is tolerated within its walls.  This includes Fey prostitution, drugs from the human world and the Feywyld, ale, beer, wine, dancing girls, etc..  In addition, as it is frequented by three particular organizations, it is a great point of first contact with the local thieves and assassin’s guild, as well a corrupt temple (all detailed below under guild features).

Every evening, as a kind of showcase of the various men and women available for prostitution (as well as a suggestion of other vices that might be enjoyed), Grint puts on a floor show in the enormous main room that is enormously popular with the more powerful and well-to-do of the Tradegate’s citizens.  It is a mixing of all the upper echelons of society and generally includes young nobles, the more powerful merchants, and the artistic who seek out Tradegate as a place of secrets.

Alchemy:  The most lucrative trade in The Dirt Nap, however, happens in the back rooms away from prying eyes.  Through Grint, the guilds trade heavily in alchemical ingredients and a special variety of potions specially brewed by Grint’s crones known as Plaint Juice.  Through a special process, known only to a few fey (Trindle Grint being one of them) emotions are distilled into a liquid form granting the imbiber special powers.  In game terms, a vial of Plaint Juice is like an at-will or encounter power in bottle (like most potions it requires the expenditure of a healing surge).  The cost of plaint juice is generally the same as the 7^th entry in the treasure parcel table of the level for the power contained in the vial.  Thus, a vial of plaint juice granting a level 7 Warlord encounter power would cost 850 gold.  While the power to brew plaint juice is known by other fey, only Trindle is of such low moral fiber that he’s willing to sell them on the open market.  Plaint juice is an addictive substance.

All other alchemical gear and equipment are available for sale by the various marketeers who frequent The Dirt Nap but the most important to the citizens of Trademeet are those generally used in the production of high end beauty potions:  dragon scales, griffon feathers, and tears from the Salutarai.  All of these items are in high demand precisely because they are controlled.  Dragon scales (from Tyrexes) can only be attained by the reigning Ascension Queen or King, Griffon Feathers are generally supplied by a powerful Trademeet family who have cornered the Griffon hunting business in the surrounding forest around Trademeet, and the tears of the Salutarai ought to be impossible to get since the gate has been closed, but nonetheless appear in town with enough frequency for their to be a market for them.  This last ingredient, Salutarai tears, acts as one of only a handful of alchemical reagent for the construction of epic tier potions.  In raw form, Salutarai tears are conduits for chaotic fey magic and are extraordinarily dangerous to handle by all but the most proficient of alchemists.

Telvios Bog: Telvios is a sort of permanent resident of The Dirt Nap.  Addicted to plaint juice (he likes to pretend he’s a cleric), he is never seen outside the establishment—though occasionally he disappears for lengths of time.  As he is of no account, he draws little attention.  While in The Dirt Nap, he is under the curious protection of Grint.  Unbeknownst to the guilds, Telvios Bog was a well respected diplomat from a kingdom deep within the Fey Wyld.  When the Queen of Twilight closed her gate, Bog’s power to return to the Wyld was beyond her control to limit.  Thus, he is able to return to the Wyld and perform the rituals needed to distill Salutarai tears (taught to him by Grint).  Bog is the all important means for bringing this material into Trademeet.  This is a secret that is kept between Grint and Bog because of Bog’s addiction. Unbeknownst to Grint, however, Bog need not go alone to the other side; he could, if he so chose, bring others with him, though he fears that knowledge of this ability, were it to fall into Grint’s hands, would endanger his life.  Also unbeknownst to Grint, the exiled fey nobles, dispossessed by their inability to return to the Wyld, know that such an agent as Bog is somewhere in Trademeet and have been searching for him for hundreds of years.

Despite Bog’s horrible shape as an Plaint addict, he is in love with one of the bar’s most experienced dancing girls/courtesans.  She was separated from her child when the original gate was shut, centuries ago, and is kept alive by her sadness.  Bog tends her long lost child as a benefactor.  This is a secret he has revealed to no one.   After centuries of service, he is afraid that revelation would drive away his love.

The Telftelfioxis Tribe and Morias Slinderhitch:  It wasn’t long after Tyrexes showed up that a tribe of kobolds showed up to show him fealty.  In the border-town of Trademeet, however, their presence has been more than grudgingly accepted.  The open-mindedness is due in large part to the fact that the Telftelfioxis tribe are beetlers—they train and use giant beetles.  In a town where the most permanent structures are carved out of the living wood of a giant cypress tree, an army of kobolds riding giant wood-eating beetles serves as the municipal construction crew.  Unfortunately, the kobolds still don’t much like humans, elves, eladrin, or any other non-lizard, non-draconic things and so they’ve made their home in the knee as far from the center of town as possible.  Thus their lair, as it were, is basically Dolph’s Knee.  Because of this, tribe members are common frequenters of The Dirt Nap (they initially dug it out with their beetles after all).  Occasionally, the Telftelfioxis tribe make nuisances of becoming too enthusiastic when expanding their lair or digging too deeply when carving out a new grave in the cemetery just above the bar.  One of the jokes about the establishment’s name, is that an overenthusiastic digging crew of kobolds may at any time cause skeletons to fall from the cemetery above.  This is referred to as disturbing a Dirt Nap.

In all affairs involving the tribe as a whole, they are represented by Morias Slinderhitch—a fairly outgoing Eladrin Druid.  When the ‘Telf-telfs’ mess up, it is normally only Slinderhitch and her magic that are allowed to fix the problem.  Unbeknownst to Slinderhitch, the kobolds think that their representative may be an avatar of some kind of dragon spirit as she accidentally fulfilled one of their prophesies. They live in fear and ardor of her, though their true allegiance remains with Tyrexes (who uses them from time to time to do his bidding).

Guild Elements

As it would be impossible to detail three entire guilds here, I have chosen to include basic motivations as they pertain to The Dirt Nap.

Preferably Dead:  Preferably Dead is a bounty hunters guild (pretty much an assassin’s guild) run by a raccoon pookah named Tuffish McGurd and financed by a preternaturally intelligent Ogre named Kronzo.  Kronzo is more of a business man than anything else.  His hillbilly cousins are responsible for Griffon hunting in the area.  As such, Preferably Dead has cornered the market on Griffon feathers.  As a “bounty hunters” guild, rather than an assassins’ guild, Preferably Dead operates with the endorsement of local law enforcement, whom they often help in times of great upheaval.  The organization has been around since the town’s founding and is considered one of Tradegate’s most respected businesses (which says as much about Tradegate as it does about Preferably Dead).  The guild’s main agent in The Dirt Nap is Rufus McGurd, Tuffish’s second eldest son.  Rufus, like most pookah, is generally inscrutable in his motives—unlike most pookah, he is remorseless in his judgment and has no sense of levity.

Gibbold’s Gets:  The thieve’s guild is run by Thelonious Gibbold, a quickling rogue who pulled himself and his street gang up until it became a semi-permanent feature in the city’s power structure (thieve’s guilds in Trademeet are always in danger of the newcomer guilds and Gibbold’s Gets has actually only been in power for the last fifteen years).  Gibbold, himself, lacks the subtlety and flair of Kronzo, but makes up for it in volatility and in the size of his network.  Because the market of dragon scales all but depends on influence over the Ascension King/Queen, the market has the capacity to change from year-to-year.  Over the past decade, however, Gibbold has been able to gain influence over the winner of that contest and has thus gained access to the dragon.  Unbeknownst to most, Gibbold would rather get back to the Wyld than run a thieves’ guild and so his real hope is to use the dragon to get himself back through the gate.  So far, he has been utterly unsuccessful in this endeavor.  Gibbold’s representative in The Dirt Nap is Dozly Bomper, a cunning satyr who often overindulges in the excess of The Dirt Nap.

Temple of Erathis:  Run by an Eladrin named Horgel Miops as the temple’s main priest, the city’s temple of Erathis has devoted itself to restoring the order of the old Fey lords.  It began this struggle through diplomacy but has since come to understand that only the black marketers have any real influence in the town.  Thus, the temple began to negotiate these markets in the hopes of gaining power for the exiled fey lords.  The temple’s main agent inside The Dirt Nap is a human hireling by the name of Thomas Fleet.  Thomas was well known in the human world as a negotiator of peace treaties between warring nations.  It is unclear what brought him (or perhaps, drove him) to Tradegate, but he has since been employed to serve the needs of the Temple.

Final Notes:

Pookah:  This establishment mentions Pookah.  Pookah are fey animals that take on human appearance and mannerisms.  Their humanity is, however, just an act—a fact that even the pookah will admit.  They are playing at being human.  In actuality, their real ‘selves’ are located within their animal existence.  Despite this (or perhaps because of this), Pookah can be dangerous at their game.  Because they do not have the same stakes as humans (guilt, shame, etc.) except as pretense, Pookah excel at intense social interaction.  In myths and legends, they can break hearts without a glimmer of concern as they change shape back into animals.  Trindle Grint and Rufus McGurd are playing at being kingpins underworld figures, and because it is just a role they are playing, they are able to act with the callousness that these positions require.

Other Characters:  The bar is filled with regulars, addicts, riff raff, dancing girls, bartenders and waiters, waitresses, impresarios, and prostitutes.  A DM hoping to use The Dirt Nap should feel free to insert interesting NPCs into the business as they see fit so long as the general themes of exile and debauchery are maintained.