Per my wife's request...my submission to the contest. Comments/judging is encouraged and welcomed!
Rockdwelling Peashooter
The Rockdwelling Peashooter, or "Hooter" as dwarves disdainfully call them, are a race of tiny creatures which inhabit mountainous areas all over the world. The Peashooter is similar in appearance to the more common "Walking Stick" insect found in more arboreal regions. While not an insect, the creature's true classification has confounded sages and wizards alike for generations.
Its body is a mottled, stone-colored, "straw-like" tube, approximately 6-12 inches in length and sprouts four pairs of long, spindly legs that allow it to move with surprising speed. The tubular body is usually no more than a 1/2 inch wide except for a curious bulb-like section near the back third of the creature. At the other end is the creature's mouth; a ring of hard, very sharp teeth similar to that of a leech or lamprey. Slightly back from the mouth is a pair of long, frond-like antennae almost as large as the creature itself. It is believed that the Peashooter, apparently possessing no eyes or ears, uses these long hairs as a form of tremorsense, where it detects even the minutest of air currents to locate danger.
The Peashooter seems to exist for two reasons: eating rock and producing eggs. Dwarves generally report "annoying the stones from ya and wrecking perfectly good tunnels" as part of the creatures' existence as well. In a normal situation, Peashooters can be seen milling about on the sheer faces of mountainsides and cliffs, or wandering through caverns and tunnels underground. They bore tiny tunnels into the rock as they eat, which crisscross through the stone at seemingly random directions.
Dwarves hate the Peashooters because an entire colony of the "Hooters" can honeycomb large sections of rock in an alarmingly short period of time, weakening the area and making it prone to cave-ins. In fact, in virtually all encounters with Peashooters, some portion of the surrounding area is unstable, due to their tunneling. The instability may manifest in the form of weakened floors (pit traps or simply unstable ground), weakened ceilings (cave-ins), unstable rock formations (avalanches), etc. A successful passive Perception check (DC per DM's discretion) can alert PCs to the holes drilled by the Peashooters.
The Peashooters' tiny size and coloring make for an extremely effective natural camouflage when standing still on a rocky surface. In fact, detecting a group of Peashooters is quite difficult, even for dwarves. However, thanks to a quirk in evolution, the Peashooters often give themselves away by a curious sound they make. When a Peashooter is agitated or feels threatened, it begins making a hollow, reed-like "hooting" sound, like one might expect from a pan-pipe. Sages believe this hooting sound (which also gives them their nickname) comes from the Peashooters hyperventilating in preparation for combat. This sound can be clearly heard for upwards of 50 feet and even more in confined areas such as tunnels. A passive Perception check (DC 12) can alert PCs to their presence, though usually too late to avoid attack.
It is believed that the Peashooter is a sexless creature which produces and fertilizes its own eggs. However, the eggs require a living host in which to develop. Evolution has granted the Peashooters with a unique method of solving two problems at once; reproduction and defense: shooting "peas". The "peas" in question are actually the creatures' eggs, which are believed to be stored in the bulge near the end of its body. It fires these projectiles by inhaling deeply into the bulb-region of its body, then sharply contracting the area, launching the egg with tremendous force. A successful hit has a chance of embedding the egg within the body of the target.
When the egg embeds, it immediately starts drawing minerals (such as calcium) from the host's body. It does this rapidly, causing weakness and ill-health in its host. After a time, the larval creature hatches and begins eating its way free. Once the youngling erupts from its host, it is mostly grown, though not able to produce eggs yet. They try to escape the area as quickly as possible by drilling into the dirt.
Peashooters are surprisingly aggressive for such a small creature. They will attack any creature that comes within range of their eggs. Sages believe that the Peashooters instinctively know how fragile they are and seek to reproduce as quickly and often as possible.
Lore:
Nature/Dungeoneering (DC10): The Rockdwelling Peashooter can be found in any natural stone area such as mountains or subterranean tunnels. They blend into the surrounding area very well and are hard to detect.
Nature/Dungeoneering (DC15): Peashooters are called "Hooters" because of the hooting sound they make just before attacking.
Nature/Dungeoneering (DC20): A Peashooter's "pea" is actually an egg, which can cause disease-like symptoms in a victim struck by one. The disease makes the victim sick and weak, though still able to function normally.
Scenarios:
- The PCs are wandering through the wilderness on some quest or another and have to cross through a small ravine between two hills or mountains. The more observant members of the group may notice the holes drilled into the walls of the ravine or even the lack of natural "critter sounds". Shortly after entering the area, they hear a soft "hooting" sound coming from all around them and echoing from the surrounding walls. Then the barrage begins...
- While visiting a town in some remote mountainous area, the local magistrate contacts the PCs on a "vermin elimination" quest. The local miners have been ambushed by a colony of Peashooters within the mines and have rendered them unable to work. The town depends on the silver and gold mined for its commerce and the magistrate needs the Hooters to be cleaned out ASAP.
Rockdwelling Peashooter
Level 1 Minion Artillery
Tiny natural beast (earth, blind)
XP 75
Initiative +7
Senses Perception +2; tremorsense
Incessant Hooting (Fear) aura 3; creatures in the overlapping auras of 3 or more Rockdwelling Peashooters take -1 penalty to attack rolls
HP 1; a missed attack never damages a minion
AC 14; Fortitude 14, Reflex 20, Will 12
Speed 8, burrow 4
Bite (standard; at-will)
Reach 0; +5 vs AC; 2 damage
Shoot Pea (standard; at-will) ♦ Disease
Range 5; +8 vs AC; 3 damage. On a successful hit, target must make a saving throw. Failure indicates that the egg has embedded itself in the target and the target is now diseased. Success means the egg just bounced off after impact.
Burrowing Escape (move, recharge )
The Rockdwelling Peashooter burrows into the earth to escape melee combat. This movement does not provoke an attack of opportunity. The Rockdwelling Peashooter cannot be located without tremorsense until it surfaces (minor action). It will stay underground long enough to get to a safe place from which to make ranged attacks.
Blend into Surroundings (free, at-will)
If the Rockdwelling Peashooter is on a natural earth or rock surface and does not move during its turn, it gains +2 Concealment until it moves. Ranged attacks made by the Rockdwelling Peashooter do not end the concealment.
Alignment Unaligned
Languages --
Skills Stealth +9
Str 7 (-2)
Dex 19 (+4)
Wis 10 (+0)
Con 13 (+1)
Int 3 (-4)
Cha 10 (+0)
Peashooter Impregnation
Level 3 Disease Attack: +4 vs. Fort Endurance: Improve DC 17, maintain DC 13, worsen DC 12 or lower Initial Effect: The target loses a healing surge that it cannot regain until healed. 1st Fail Effect: The target loses a second healing surge. 2nd Fail Effect: The target loses a third healing surge and takes 1d4 damage. Final State: The target loses a fourth healing surge, takes 1d8 damage, and the baby Rockdwelling Peashooter emerges from the target's belly, stunning the target (save ends). Once the baby emerges, the target is no longer diseased and regains lost healing surges after an extended rest.
Optionals used: #8 Natural Camouflage, #10 Traps, #12 Unusual Movement
Sorceror: "I'll attack the [solo monster] with Chaos Bolt." Warden: "Don't you ever use encounter powers?!?!?" Sorceror: (casually) "I don't need to." ----------- "Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live." - Martin Golding
Okay, here's my comments. I want to start off with a general comment. I'm big about mechanics - so if I notice something is off - I'll probably make a mention of it. If any of the mechanical "mistakes" I list below were intentional - I think it would have served your entry a lot by having an explanation of why. In other words - consciously breaking the monster creation guidelines is one thing - having an explanation to support it is completely different.
Required elements: Stat block might be okay for an animal companion - but the competition calls for a creature. In that respect - the entry fails on that level. Lore should be against Dungeoneering rather than Arcana since it is an aberrant creature.
Optional elements: House pet doesn't work since the MGSH doesn't have a "dangerous nature." Ritual and Type work for it. As for the others you list - "Immature" wouldn't work since it is a "Miniature Giant Space Hamster" - it is its own species - something which you mention specifically. Natural Camouflage would work - but I would have preferred to see it incorporated into the entry instead of mentioned as an aside.
Overall, the entry is kind of flat. Although it is presented in a reasonable format, this isn't a viable monster and I doubt that a ranger would opt for one as an animal companion since it is of limited use other than the comedic value of a space hamster. Creativity suffers since you are using an existing creature from another source as well.
Required elements: Solid information for all required items. I felt the scenarios were very well detailed and included interesting complications. I do want to highlight the mechanics a bit - but I'll do that at the end.
Optional elements: All of the mentioned optional items were well integrated.
Overall, I felt the statblock was poorly formatted. I realize that's an issue with copy/pasting HTML - but a couple of people mentioned a quick way to fix it and it stands as it is. I noticed a few grammatical errors as well. The creature itself would lend itself to a more whimsical campaign setting - but overall would be easy to incorporate the creature in.
In terms of the mechanics, you specifically make a note about adjusting the HP down in order to address the high damage output. I'm not real fond of this as a "balancing mechanism" in the first place, but secondly, the amount of extra damage is quite high. 3d10+5 on an at-will is the equivalent of something in the order of a level 15-20 monster - if not higher. To complicate it - if it goes on a frenzy - that damage gets all the worse.
Required elements: All required items are in there. In the stat block, the hand's HP is a little low (it should be 60, not 50). Choke doesn't mentioning how the action is maintained or if the attack needs to be repeated each round. Scenarios aren't fleshed out but provide the bare bones of what is needed.
Optional elements: No list of elements used, so I had to guess here. Unfortunately, I only see 2 elements (kleptomaniac and type).
On the matter of the monster itself, I have a hard time justifying its existence. If it is working on its own - why would it steal? What does it gain by stealing? To me, this creature would have been better served as created by a ritual (which would give you that elusive 3rd optional element) and used for the purpose of stealing for a person.
On the matter of senses, I think it makes more sense to give it blindsense or tremorsense - since a hand doesn't typically have optics on its own. That's a minor point though.
Otherwise, the entry pays a nice homage to the Crawling Claw from earlier editions.
Required elements: All required items are in there. The squib hit points are all over the place. A level 2 soldier with 10 Con should have 34 hit points - the white is listed with 28 and the blue with 38. The yellow should also have 34, but only has 30. The green should have 28, but only has 24. The red should have 40, but you have it at 50. Since I see no indication or explanation for why you've seemingly added random hp - I have to assume it is a mistake. In addition, I'm not seeing attack bonuses that would reflect the role of the creature. Soldiers typically have higher attack to hits than brutes - yet in the case here - all three have the same attack bonus. For that matter, other than the differing auras and the elements associated, they fill pretty much the same niche role here. In other words - you may have called them Brute, Soldier, Skirmisher and Artillery - but they all feel like one thing - probably skirmisher. The lore information is also reflecting a number of different knowledge checks when arcana would be most appropriate (Elemental).
Optional elements: As mentioned the multiple roles doesn't really work for me. Mechanically, the squibs are all one role even if you've stated that they are different. Kleptomaniac seems fine enough. Unusual movement though - this isn't really a movement type - this is a power that allows them to teleport. When I look at a movement type - I look at the speed entry - as in - this is something they use a move action for. Since this is only an action they can take in response to something else - I'm hesitant to call it a movement mode.
I like the idea of the squibs - but when I saw how similar they were, despite the intention of having different roles - I was disappointed with their execution.
Required elements: All required items are in there. Unfortunately, some of the crunch is a fair amount off. A level 17 elite artillery with a 24 con should have 264 hit points. A base defense for a level 17 artillery should be 29 - modified by ability scores and then by the fact that he is an elite. Fortitude and Will defense are exceptionally low. It is very odd to me that he doesn't have any sort of resistance or immunity to fire as well.
Optional elements: The minimum requirements for the optional items have been met. Most of them are pretty cut and dry - so its not really a matter of integrating them in this entry - though they don't stand out as inappropriate or anything like that.
Some of the description left me wondering what you were thinking. "Smoker is constantly puffing off a cloud of ash and smoke, which rises up to hang in the air about his shoulders for but a moment before crashing down to the ground around him - completely concealing his core body." - up to his shoulders is not so high off of the ground... Just doesn't seem all that impressive.
Otherwise, I felt he works well as a little big boss and having him as a merchant power certainly allows a number of different scenarios to work with him.
Unfortunately, since this competition is 4e - your entry is invalid. Even for a 3.5e entry though, I feel it could use some work. Things to note for the future:
1. Pay attention to the required elements. Even for 3.5e - the required elements are not fully stated - which would net you a 0 in themes. 2. Pay attention to the optional elements. These competitions require at least 3 of the optional elements. Unfortunately, you didn't detail any of them in your entry. This would also net you a 0 in themes.
In terms of creativity - the garden gnome is mechanically a tiny gnome. It really doesn't have a lot more going for it and the abilities are essentially the same. As you might guess, this would negatively affect your creativity.
Thanks for entering - in the future take care to read the entire contest submission details and that will help you immensely.
Required elements: All required items are in there. You missed including the range for the ranged basic attack and the type for the Resist 20 listed (though clearly you intend fire). Likewise, you should mention whether the melee basic is Reach 0 or if they can target opponents in an adjacent square. Other than that - the crunch is solid.
Optional elements: The minimum requirements are met and are incorporated. Like the Tiny Titan - you have elected to use some of the more cut and dry options - so its not really a matter of integrating them - but they do make sense and work for the entry.
Overall, I felt the entry had a good background to it, and while it didn't shine overall on its own - it was solid.
Required elements: All required items are in there. The crunch is appropriate for the most part. The damage for the minion seems high for a level 2 minion though. For the controller, it seems high when compared to the adult carrion crawler - something to think about there. Otherwise, the formatting, as you know, doesn't help you - but that is what it is.
Optional elements: The minimum requirements are met and are incorporated. Not much else to say about them.
I found the immature carrion crawlers to be well flavored and work well - including the explanation why the hatchling doesn't have a poison-based attack (though I would've preferred it to have a much weaker attack with an effect than to have the high-damage one you have listed).
Required elements: All required items are in there. The crunch is almost perfect - no range value for the blindsight. Otherwise, the mechanics of the attacks seem a little powerful - a standard action attack and then an at-will minor if the attack succeeds.
Optional elements: The natural camouflage entry doesn't really work for me. Clearly it can pretend to be a jewelry box - no question there. However, the element required it gain a bonus to AC or a benefit of cover - neither of which is mentioned in your entry.
I like the occasional mimic to really screw with overly greedy players - and this one fits the bill as "hey careful where you stick your hands" quite well.
Make sure to keep responses to the comments in sblocks for the sake of the other judges. Thanks.
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Qube's Miniature Giant Space Hamster (Animal Companion)Show
Creativity is hurt as the MGSH isn't exactly an original idea. Still, making it into a companion showed some creativity, so it's not terrible. I threw in a couple extra points for actually finding a picture of Minsc with Boo. Well done. While cute, it seems that the only point for it is for fluff and roleplaying opportunities. I guess from that perspective, it achieves its goal. Unfortunately, it requires a beastmaster ranger, which requires the Martial Power book. As the contest assumes the DM to possess the core set of books and DDI, you lose points there. I actually had to borrow the book from a friend to even figure out what you were talking about. Core themes were successfully achieved, but I think you REALLY had to stretch to get your optionals in. "Housepet" doesn't apply (IMO) because it explicitly states in the element text "...despite its dangerous nature." The MGSH doesn't come across as "dangerous." "Aberrant" is really pushing it too. You can make a case for it, but I'd lean more towards a "natural" type for the critter. The "ritual" part is workable, though statting out the actual ritual would've been better. Clarity was very good though. Well-formatted and easy to read. A link to the Wikipedia page would've been nice, but not required.
PowerAttackForTwenty's Air Jelly (Level 7 Elite Skirmisher)Show
An interesting entry, this. I liked the idea, though I think the implementation was off. Flying jellyfish isn't the most original idea, though it's definately one that you don't see often. The bonding aspect is a nice twist, adding a sort of "familiar" idea to the creature. Unfortunately, I can see players wanting their own Air Jelly to bring home and nurture. I think you should've addressed this possibility. I also question the damage numbers supplied, specifically for the "Driving Force" attack. It's a JELLY that can phase! How hard could it really hit something? Certainly not enough for 3d10+5 damage. Dropping that down to something along the lines of a morningstar or club seems more appropriate to me. The "Master!" power is a little off too. It allows the jelly to pick and choose its "masters" at will. Yet the text implies that the jelly bonds to a specific individual soon after birth. The 10 square proximity seems a little big to me too, as most battlefields aren't much bigger than that. Dropping it down to 5-7 squares might be better. This would alter the "Protect the Master" power as well perhaps. That power should be worded so that the jelly makes an attack upon the master's attacker, not just anyone. The "Avenge the Master" power needs to go. It essentially gives the jelly an extra action point every turn. Not even demon lords get that. It should be a one-time boost that maybe recharges when bloodied. "Transparent" should be phrased to give a concealment bonus. Also, with a 13 Int, I'd expect it to have some kind of communication ability or language; but that's nit-picky. Core themes were achieved. Optionals were successfully integrated, though not as strongly as I'd like. Still, one can argue their validity pretty well. Clarity immediately took a hit because of the very large formatting on the stat blocks. In your defense though, I haven't seen many blocks that DO look good, so I took pity on you. Other than the stat blocks though, everything was clear and easy to read.
Creativity took a major hit, as this style of monster is already present in Open Grave. The idea of a "thieving" hand is interesting though, so you got some points back for that. The stats for this monster are somewhat inflated compared to its sibling monsters in OG. For example, the "Crawling Claw Swarm" has 53 hp and it's a Lvl 4 monster comprised of many individual hands. I think the "Crawl Up Leg" idea is good, but needs adjustment. It should be similar to the stirge's bite attack which does not grant CA, but does offer the stirge an AC bonus. The "Choke" is also interesting, though could be difficult to run in a combat. The Hand should also have a power involving stealing, since that's kind of the primary feature of the monster (based on its name). Core themes met and optionals mostly achieved, though the "housepet" concept is strained a bit. Though "Thing" is an example of such a pet, so I guess it could work. Clarity was good; easily read and no major writing flaws.
I must admit I had to smile reading this entry. The idea of a bunch of thieving "Dots" (remember the little jelly candies?) squishing around blasting stuff with elemental attacks while making little Nintendo "plopping" sounds just made me giggle. While the "Jelly" concept is nothing new, making color/element-based ones is very good. Even better is that each color is slightly different than the others, thus avoiding a "cookie cutter" mentality where just the attack methods change. I could see a DM throwing in random encounters with squibs in them as 3rd party interlopers, interfering in battles, etc. Stat blocks seem well-designed and balanced. My only concern is the number of temp hps that the squibs gain from an attack. I haven't seen many powers in 4e grant more than a handful of temp hps at any given time. The idea of dropping 15-20 temp hps after an attack seems a little unbalanced. An interesting twist on the idea would be to have the squib absorb the damage and "grow" to a new size. For example, for every time a blue squib absorbs 2x its max hps in cold, it grows to the next largest size with an additional 1/2 max hps. So it would go from tiny to small with 57 hps. Then if it took 114 hps in damage, it would go from small to medium and 85 hps. Something to think about. Core themes addressed and optionals as well. The thieving part is a little shaky, but workable. The rest are solid. Clarity was good with easy-to-read stat blocks. Grammar/spelling could use some work, but wasn't significantly distracting. More info on what kinds of alchemical reagents the squibs went after would be nice. Otherwise, a solid and entertaining entry.
Barmp's Smoker, the Tiny Titan (Level 17 Elite Artillery)Show
Wow. This is an outstanding entry. Very creative, not only with the contradictory "tiny titan", but also implementing a unique boss creature. Excellent backstory/fluff and some very interesting adventure hooks. I could see PCs being approached by Smoker in an attempt to acquire an artifact or object they have; he'd be an interesting NPC to play. I like that everything one needs to run Smoker and his entourage are right there in the description, or available in the MM; very accessible. I could see Smoker being a recurring villian in an adventure/campaign (and might just steal him for that purpose). Thematically, this entry is right on. Plenty of scenarios, lore and background info, but not too much. I didn't exhaustively check the stat blocks, but they appear to be pretty accurate, or at least appropriate. I question the inclusion of the "burrowing" movement as being somewhat forced. I don't think that a fire creature is normally predisposed to burrowing at will. A magma-based creature perhaps, but not an ash/fire. Still, it's a minor quibble that could be argued either way. Some minor misspellings/grammatical errors in the text, but the stat blocks are excellent and the overall formatting/flow is very good.
Roxas1364's Garden Gnome (Third Edition PC race)Show
Being a 4e competition, this 3e submission just doesn't fit. Also, we were looking for a tiny creature, not race. So unfortunately, I have to give this one a zero for scoring purposes. I can still comment though.
I love the Harry Potter tie-in. I haven't seen many people try to incorporate HP in to the D&D realm. My 3.x knowledge is quite rusty (not even sure where my books are at this point), so I can't really judge whether this entry was presented accurately or not. I like the creativity of making a new race, rather than just documenting another tiny critter. The usability of this race is limited to NPCs, I'm thinking. Can't imagine why a PC would want to build a Garden Gnome adventurer...? Still, it could make for an interesting diplomacy encounter. Thematically, there's very little that matches up, so I have to dock marks there. Clarity is pretty good; all required information is presented in an easy-to-read format. It just doesn't apply in this competition. Try giving it a 4e flair and I think you'll have an interesting idea to develop here.
The introductory text seems out of place within D&D; implying modern-day technology to discuss a fantastic creature...? Reworded to take place within a wizarding academy, I could see it. As is? Not so much. Stat block refers to "infravision". I believe that particular pre-4e trait went the way of the dodo with the new version. "Burst of Flame" seems grossly overpowered for a) a blast effect and b) a 1st level creature. Also, you can't have an encounter power that recharges 1/6 of the time; that's an oxymoron. I didn't fully check either creature's stat blocks for mathmatical accuracy, so I can't judge there. I don't really understand the reason for the Consumer's movement rule of "at the end of any turn, the Consumer must be no more than one square above a horizontal surface"? What difference does that make? Perhaps "hover" is more along the lines of what you're looking for. I question the mechanics of "Jet of Living Flame". Specifically, the part about "any creature in a square to be occupied by the Consumer...". Wouldn't the Consumer deliberately attempt to occupy the space of a target? Under what conditions would the Consumer NOT do this? While creative, I can't really see any compelling reason to include these little critters in a campaign. The 2nd scenario might be interesting, but you could theoretically have hundreds of Firemotes running amok. It'd be like herding cats! You did hit the themes well though. Solid points for that. Readability and clarity were good, though I was scratching my head at your choice of terminologies during the intro. Otherwise, a good entry.
I believe it's normal to put "1" for HP for a minion. "Spider Climb" seems a bit redundant, as the climb speed and move speed are the same anyhow...? While I like the attempt at the ecology of the carrion crawler, it didn't take a tremendous creative burst to come up with this. Usability is high though, as it adds more flexibility to one of the classic D&D monsters and makes it accessible to those of lower levels. Stat blocks seem workable and complete. Themes are met, though the text of "immature" makes me hesitate a little on it. It refers to the tiny creature being a form of a huge or gargantuan creature. True, there is an "enormous" (huge) carrior crawler statted in the MM, they are quite rare (as admitted in your own text). Seems almost a cop-out, but it's feasible enough to work. Minor issue. Clarity took a minor hit here with the lack of formatting, but I can understand the reason. As it stands, aside from the erroneous formatting code at the beginning, the entry was readable and usable.
I love the idea of animated furniture! Ever since I saw a Muppet Show episode with furniture that came alive, I've always thought it was a perfect terror-element. Unfortunately, this particular creature doesn't make me do cartwheels. How exactly does the box have resist 5 all and still be vulnerable to force? Isn't force part of "all"? "Confounding Interdiction" lists "attack bonus vs target defense". I'm thinking you meant to put some numbers in here; otherwise it's pretty vague. I'm having a tough time swallowing the "incredible toughness" of the box. It's explained fine; it's just hard to swallow. In addition, no information is given concerning how the box is actually animated. I assume this is just a side-effect of it being Sapient Pearwood, but that's just plain odd. I'm thinking a ritual to animate the box would be better. I'm also having trouble swallowing the level and relevant stats of the box. It just seems REALLY high for an aggressive storage device. Knocking it down into the 3-4 level range would be more convincing to me. A chest of drawers or trunk could possibly be level 14...but not a jewelry box. Also, I found the several dozen legs appearing under the box to be rather absurd. Granted, it's a magic box, but still... Usability is somewhat limited too, given the restrictions on who would actually own such a box. Themes are mostly good, though the camouflage one made me groan like a bad pun. Still, themes were met. Clarity was good. Entry was easy to read and information was well presented. I love the idea. I'm somewhat disappointed with the execution.
Sorceror: "I'll attack the [solo monster] with Chaos Bolt." Warden: "Don't you ever use encounter powers?!?!?" Sorceror: (casually) "I don't need to." ----------- "Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live." - Martin Golding
Confounding Interdiction is just a charge (i.e., melee basic) attack, the extra verbage was just left over from using Qube's format (he even mentioned it to me, and I still couldn't find what he was referring to until now. Regarding Resist / Vulnerable: Totally valid -- it simply means that once you breach a certain threshold of force damage, it effectively does normal damage (since the resist / vuln values are the same). It's in the PHB, I can find the relevant page if you'd like. Also, my entry was a tribute to Terry Pratchit's discworld, in which case things such as the level, resistance, and damage make more sense in-universe context. Unfortunately, I realized going into this that not everyone would be familiar with discworld. Thanks for the comments.
Since the box is a homunculus, and the homunculi in the MMs don't have any animation info, I didn't see fit to include that information.
Qube's Miniature Giant Space Hamster (Animal Companion)Show
Creativity is hurt as the MGSH isn't exactly an original idea. Still, making it into a companion showed some creativity, so it's not terrible. I threw in a couple extra points for actually finding a picture of Minsc with Boo. Well done. While cute, it seems that the only point for it is for fluff and roleplaying opportunities. I guess from that perspective, it achieves its goal. Unfortunately, it requires a beastmaster ranger, which requires the Martial Power book. As the contest assumes the DM to possess the core set of books and DDI, you lose points there. I actually had to borrow the book from a friend to even figure out what you were talking about. Core themes were successfully achieved, but I think you REALLY had to stretch to get your optionals in. "Housepet" doesn't apply (IMO) because it explicitly states in the element text "...despite its dangerous nature." The MGSH doesn't come across as "dangerous." "Aberrant" is really pushing it too. You can make a case for it, but I'd lean more towards a "natural" type for the critter. The "ritual" part is workable, though statting out the actual ritual would've been better. Clarity was very good though. Well-formatted and easy to read. A link to the Wikipedia page would've been nice, but not required.
> Creativity is hurt as the MGSH isn't exactly an original idea.
Why? In the wiki I read "Creativity measures the originality of a particular submission or how well it takes an existing idea and converts it into game terms."
Obviously, I went for the second option ...
> While cute, it seems that the only point for it is for fluff and roleplaying opportunities.
the creature itself? yes. the things it does? no.
> requires the Martial Power book.
I did not know that martial power (or the beastmaster ranger) was not available for DDI members. Edit: isn't in the character builder - which is available for DDI?
> "Housepet" doesn't apply
in retrospect, that's true
> "Aberrant" is really pushing it too
As it is a gaint miniature space hamster, abarant seemed IMO logical (unless outer space is somewhere else then the Far Realm?).
Required elements: Stat block might be okay for an animal companion - but the competition calls for a creature. In that respect - the entry fails on that level. Lore should be against Dungeoneering rather than Arcana since it is an aberrant creature.
Optional elements: House pet doesn't work since the MGSH doesn't have a "dangerous nature." Ritual and Type work for it. As for the others you list - "Immature" wouldn't work since it is a "Miniature Giant Space Hamster" - it is its own species - something which you mention specifically. Natural Camouflage would work - but I would have preferred to see it incorporated into the entry instead of mentioned as an aside.
Overall, the entry is kind of flat. Although it is presented in a reasonable format, this isn't a viable monster and I doubt that a ranger would opt for one as an animal companion since it is of limited use other than the comedic value of a space hamster. Creativity suffers since you are using an existing creature from another source as well.
As I said in the entry, I'm making a creature, just not a monster
> I doubt that a ranger would opt for one as an animal companion since it is of limited use other than the comedic value of a space hamster.
I disagree - a two weapon ranger gets a larger die on off hand weapon, and toughness - carring a GMSH, he instead would get +1 to attack, 1 temp hp each round, and +1 to knowledge/insight checks.
> Creativity suffers since you are using an existing creature from another source as well.
Why? In the wiki I read "Creativity measures the originality of a particular submission or how well it takes an existing idea and converts it into game terms."
Obviously, I went for the second option ...
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> Creativity is hurt as the MGSH isn't exactly an original idea.
> Creativity suffers since you are using an existing creature from another source as well.
In the wiki I read "Creativity measures the originality of a particular submission or how well it takes an existing idea and converts it into game terms."
did I misinterprete something? I took an exiting idea, and converted it to 4th edition ...
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In a Spelljammer sense, space would be the equivalent of the Astral Sea, making the hamster, technically, an immortal. In a physics sense, space would be deemed part of the natural world, making the creature a natural creature.
In either sense, the Far Realm would be some alternate dimension that was so alien a mere glimpse at it would drive men mad. MAD, I say!!
Whether a realm from which giant miniature space hamsters hail is such a realm, I will leave to others to ferret (pun intented) out. :P
Wow. This is an outstanding entry. Very creative, not only with the contradictory "tiny titan", but also implementing a unique boss creature. Excellent backstory/fluff and some very interesting adventure hooks. I could see PCs being approached by Smoker in an attempt to acquire an artifact or object they have; he'd be an interesting NPC to play. I like that everything one needs to run Smoker and his entourage are right there in the description, or available in the MM; very accessible. I could see Smoker being a recurring villian in an adventure/campaign (and might just steal him for that purpose). Thematically, this entry is right on. Plenty of scenarios, lore and background info, but not too much. I didn't exhaustively check the stat blocks, but they appear to be pretty accurate, or at least appropriate. I question the inclusion of the "burrowing" movement as being somewhat forced. I don't think that a fire creature is normally predisposed to burrowing at will. A magma-based creature perhaps, but not an ash/fire. Still, it's a minor quibble that could be argued either way. Some minor misspellings/grammatical errors in the text, but the stat blocks are excellent and the overall formatting/flow is very good.
Required elements: All required items are in there. Unfortunately, some of the crunch is a fair amount off. A level 17 elite artillery with a 24 con should have 264 hit points. A base defense for a level 17 artillery should be 29 - modified by ability scores and then by the fact that he is an elite. Fortitude and Will defense are exceptionally low. It is very odd to me that he doesn't have any sort of resistance or immunity to fire as well.
Optional elements: The minimum requirements for the optional items have been met. Most of them are pretty cut and dry - so its not really a matter of integrating them in this entry - though they don't stand out as inappropriate or anything like that.
Some of the description left me wondering what you were thinking. "Smoker is constantly puffing off a cloud of ash and smoke, which rises up to hang in the air about his shoulders for but a moment before crashing down to the ground around him - completely concealing his core body." - up to his shoulders is not so high off of the ground... Just doesn't seem all that impressive.
Otherwise, I felt he works well as a little big boss and having him as a merchant power certainly allows a number of different scenarios to work with him.
Thank you both for the comments, I greatly appreciate feedback! I'll address each individually.
Regarding the crunch of the statblock, you found a few of the things I missed when I transferred from my (disorganized) written notes to the forum formatted entry. I had originally created Smoker as a higher level creature and forgot to change the hit point values when I made some of the final edits. I also had given him Resist: Fire 20, Vulnerable: Cold 20, in the monster editer but forgot to put the lines into the statblock. I missed both these things when I proofread the entry, I just needed another set of eyes to notice them. On his defenses, I've previously posted something to this effect but I felt that the higher AC and Reflex fit a tiny creature, while lower than base Will and substantially lower Fort defenses were appropriate for a creature like Smoker. After all, he's barely larger than a foot tall and is essentially a living coal.
As for the description; Smoker is modeled after a volcano, or an eruption at least. The puffing clouds of ash are as that which spew up from a volcano, a pyroclastic surge is when the ash is too heavy for the air - as the description it hangs about the volcano a short time and then crashes to the ground and flows out in a wave. While this is an impressive event, it's not intended to make Smoker appear initmidating or impressive - it's an attempt to describe why he has hot ash and smoke flowing about him at all times. His aura is a result of this, the Pyroclast Surge encounter power is directly related to it, and I thought it would give a better visual of what Smoker looks like for the players. It might have been easier to say "Smoker is constantly surrounded by waist to shoulder height clouds of ash and dust - think Pigpen from Charlie Brown - which conceals all but his arms and head." but I didn't think that quite conveyed the idea. /shrug Describing him was definiately the most difficult part of the contest for me, and I went over my entry a number of times before entering trying to clear things up and flesh him out - I'm sure if I went over it again now I would have more to add or augment as well.
I really didn't expect to get a glowing review, so I'm a little short of things to say. Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! Responding to the burrowing movement, I felt it was appropriate as Smoker is so connected to volcanic activity but I realize that I probably didn't explain that angle well enough to connect the dots. His eruption power basically required a burrow action to make sense (in my mind), and I thought it tied him to his elemental roots as the 'essence of vulcanism' for lack of a better term. As I said above to TelinArtho, the description was by far the most challanging aspect of the entry and it's where I spent the vast majority of my time - and still I could do so much more.
If I learn from failure next time will be better! Right?
Bite (standard; at-will)
Shoot Pea (standard; at-will) ♦ Disease
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While cute, it seems that the only point for it is for fluff and roleplaying opportunities. I guess from that perspective, it achieves its goal. Unfortunately, it requires a beastmaster ranger, which requires the Martial Power book. As the contest assumes the DM to possess the core set of books and DDI, you lose points there. I actually had to borrow the book from a friend to even figure out what you were talking about. Core themes were successfully achieved, but I think you REALLY had to stretch to get your optionals in. "Housepet" doesn't apply (IMO) because it explicitly states in the element text "...despite its dangerous nature." The MGSH doesn't come across as "dangerous." "Aberrant" is really pushing it too. You can make a case for it, but I'd lean more towards a "natural" type for the critter. The "ritual" part is workable, though statting out the actual ritual would've been better. Clarity was very good though. Well-formatted and easy to read. A link to the Wikipedia page would've been nice, but not required. 
How exactly does the box have resist 5 all and still be vulnerable to force? Isn't force part of "all"? "Confounding Interdiction" lists "attack bonus vs target defense". I'm thinking you meant to put some numbers in here; otherwise it's pretty vague. I'm having a tough time swallowing the "incredible toughness" of the box. It's explained fine; it's just hard to swallow. In addition, no information is given concerning how the box is actually animated. I assume this is just a side-effect of it being Sapient Pearwood, but that's just plain odd. I'm thinking a ritual to animate the box would be better. I'm also having trouble swallowing the level and relevant stats of the box. It just seems REALLY high for an aggressive storage device. Knocking it down into the 3-4 level range would be more convincing to me. A chest of drawers or trunk could possibly be level 14...but not a jewelry box. Also, I found the several dozen legs appearing under the box to be rather absurd. Granted, it's a magic box, but still...
