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5 years ago ::
Sep 24, 2008 - 8:57PM
#101
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Date Joined:
Dec 24, 2007
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118:I was a 9th level dragon shaman (the same one that wanted to start a hydra burger bar) and we enter a room in this dungeon. The paladin had just fallen down this pit trap, but I got past it and was surveying the room. There's a scroll lying on the floor.
Me:I read the words on the scroll out loud.
DM: (after a brief disscussion about wether or not I can do that): It's a cursed Scroll of Foolishness. It summons a carrion crawler.
Me:Wait, how does that happen?
DM:It's a cursed scroll of foolishness. The carrion crawler tentacles you. Find your fort save.
As I find the fort save, I chant "Fort save, fort save," over and over to annoy the DM for his idiodicy. He threatens to roll on his fake "random embarrasing events" table to shut me up. I sing even louder. He rolls a die just for the sound, then says "Your pants fall down. The carrion crawler tentacles you in the crotch. You're paralyzed there for 4 rounds."
Me:"That's just sick, man. I mean, enacting your sick carrion crawler fantasies on my character..."
There was much laughter.
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5 years ago ::
Sep 29, 2008 - 8:53AM
#102
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Date Joined:
Aug 29, 2008
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I was playing a rather nasty little gnome (urdlan worshiper) in a party of 2 other rather nasty little gnomes and a rather suave, educated orc. We had recently downed a large humanoid monster (i cant remember what it was exactly), i find a +2 long-bow in the monsters stuff. when we enter the next room: DM: As you enter the long hall you startle a large group of drow who were hudled by the far wall, surrounded by human corpses and a large amount of loot. Barbarian Gnome: At the sight of so much treasure in the hands of someone who's not me, i fly into a rage and charge across the hall screaming. Orc: I'm going to tut at Bella (the barb), then lug my axe and follow. DM: It's too big for you to use, you're only an ickle gnome! Me: I know, but im going to sit down and hold the bow with my feet; pulling the string back with both my arms, like this (i actually got on the floor to demonstrate!). DM: Um ok, but im still going to give you a -4 cos you're not proficient with a bow that big. Me: s'ok, i've got a high dex ..rolls a natural 1.. oh :S DM  to the socerer) you look on with slight amusement as you see your comrade work himself into position to loose his new bow, then burst out with laughter as both bow and gnome lauch across the hall, leaving the arrow held in the air for a comical 2 seconds before it clatters to the flagstones at you feet. (to the barb and orc) you are distracted from your onward charge when Ravenlock (me) shoots through the air above you at high speed, you hear a dishearted cry from him as he lands prone at the feet of the drow with a nasty bump. I think i laughed and cried at the same time :P
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5 years ago ::
Oct 04, 2008 - 4:44PM
#103
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I was DMing an game and I had a relatively idiotic character in the party, a sorcerer to be exact who had a snake familiar. So anyways, they were in a Yuan-Ti temple and were about to face a very large and scary Yuan-ti with many snake pets (I'm talking cobras, Boas, and black Mambas here). He decided since he had a snake familiar he could convince the snakes to go against their leader....didn't work out very well.
P1: I walk into the room and call out to the snakes " Come and fight with me my dear friends!"
P2: ....
DM(me): Alright a Boa slithers over to you an wraps itself around your legs slowly coiling upwards
P1:I let it to show that it is my friend
DM: alright you fall down the great snakes weight too much for your weak body, your start to find that it is getting harder to breathe.
P1: What why!?!
DM: Think about it while a Black Mamba is also coming towards you
P1:Help me friend!
P2:What are you crazy!?!
P3: I charge in and chop at the snake!
*Rolls 1*
DM:You fumble and effectively kill P1 ( I dislike typing names)
P1: DUDE WHY'D YOU DO THAT I WAS ABOUT TO HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL!"
This comment raised uproarious laughter at him and at the entire situation which ended an snake bites, angry players (at P1), and me forcing P1 to watch a documentary on snakes.
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5 years ago ::
Oct 04, 2008 - 5:49PM
#104
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Well, here's mine. Just happened yesterday. (3.5 group)
Udu (barbarian) and Bob (the rogue) got trapped behind a portcullis. Now, Illius (my wizard) was inspecting a wall that had a tapestry on it (Udu ripped it off) and I was feeling around the wall. Turns out the wall is a illusion, and the DM tells me I feel a handle. My wizard was a very curious fellow, so he pulled on it. It pulls back and he's held against the wall. Foxglove (Druid) comes over and starts feeling around, and feels some blades (big ones) covered in an ichor. We figure out that if I pull back, my arm goes off. By this time, the others freed themselves, and came over to check out what was happening. I told the rogue to get the chain shirts that were on the nearby table and cover my arm with them. then Udu goes into a rage and pulls me out. I rolled a d% and got a 9. I lost the very tips of my middle and ring finger.
It was so much fun. Very tense. And I didn't lose that much.
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5 years ago ::
Oct 10, 2008 - 8:01PM
#105
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Date Joined:
Oct 10, 2008
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So my friends and I are sitting around in a village tavern playing a game of cards for a magic ring of some sort. one of the players asks what time it is, our DM replies: it's 7:3... wait, game time or real time?
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5 years ago ::
Oct 17, 2008 - 6:13AM
#106
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Date Joined:
Jul 22, 2008
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This happened some time ago... We were 3 level 4 characters and in the process of tracking down someone. So we take off by horse from a town and travel a few days. At some point some someone spots a dot in the sky which is growing larger. After a while, we successfully identify it as being a cockatrice. The beast attacks... (we all had very good fort saves: around 10-11 and the fort save was around DC12) DM: 'Roll a fort save' P1: 'a 1...' So 1 player got petrified while the other 2 were riding away. Seeing our comrade being turned to stone we turn around to charge the beast and save our companion. DM: 'Ok , roll a fort save'
P2: 'a 1...'
DM: 'Errrr... , you too roll a fort save'
P3: 'a 1!!'
DM: 'WTF'
Result: 3 beautiful statues somewhere in the middle of the country side and a total party wipe!
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5 years ago ::
Oct 17, 2008 - 3:30PM
#107
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124: (3.5) I made a wizard, and found a way to become obscenely powerful for my level. The feat Energy Substitution, and the Feat Energy Admixture. I had picked sonic for my special energy that I could use to double the damage of any elemental spell i can cast with out raising the spell level.
Soooo, we enter the tavern in an evil city, there is a large table already filled with town guard members (most happen to be gnolls). I walk in, with my newly created alignment of Psychotic Neutral, wave at the guards and am responded with a leer and a snarl. well..
The party gets up to go buy horses so that our trek through the swamp/jungle can only have to take us three days instead of many weeks. I lag a little behind, use silent spell to cast a delayed blast fireball, and proceed to walk out. thirty seconds later, as my companions are handing the gold over for the horses, a massive explosion rocks the city, the local tavern has just been obliterated and people nearby are practically deaf. all animals in the city run out, leaving us horseless.
125: my DM let me make a wizard.
126: immediately following this event, the barbarian smacked me, dealing 6 actual damage. shortly therafter while in the swamp, we encounter a massive animated tower. I get on top just in time to get smashed by one of it's arms, leaving me on the ground several hundred feet away, at negative 3 hp.
I almost died twice more in that battle. stupid barbarian, taking away six valuable hp.
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5 years ago ::
Oct 17, 2008 - 5:08PM
#108
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Date Joined:
Jun 11, 2008
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I think the stupidest thing any player of mine has ever done can be summed up in this one quote.
"No, see, we can free this demon. I'm a drow, he has to do what I say."
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4 years ago ::
Jan 03, 2009 - 5:09AM
#109
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Date Joined:
Oct 10, 2006
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I had started my new campaign and wanted the players to quickly learn a fundemental lesson......"Sometimes discretion is the better part of valour". They needed this lesson the survive the gritty campaign I'd planned. So, I quickly had them off into the swamp tracking after some unknown humanoid group that had ambushed a caravan where I planned for them to cross paths with an overwhelming monster. The PC's were all 2nd level.....
Me: As your slosh through the muck and clamber around the gnarled roots of marsh-trees, a huge racket catches your attention off to your left. You observe a huge creature, a horrible mix of crustacean, insect and serpent with a hard shell like a lobster and two giant pincers. (I show them a pic).
One of the Players: What! Crap! That's a Chuul! That things way too much for us to take on. We're only 2nd level. (accompanied by objections and bewilderment from the other players).
Me: Well, it's about a hundred yards away and sloshing towards you.
The Players: This is no fair!
Me: You notice that it appears to be dragging one pincer and a hind leg. The creature is definitely not moving a full speed, but it continues to struggle toward you.
The Players: Well, we wait. There's no way we can survive against it, you know.
Me: After waiting awhile, it definitely gets closer, but you can tell that you can move faster than it can.....
The Players: Well, we aren't gonna wait here for it. WE MOVE TOWARD IT.
And I say this is one of the stupidest things I've seen from a player group.
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4 years ago ::
Jan 03, 2009 - 8:31AM
#110
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Date Joined:
Mar 19, 2007
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hi everyone, bit of a DnD noob here, just spending my Christmas break reading up on recent events. And funny stories.
79. I was playing the party wizard and we were fighting a purple worm...
Show
The party rogue was on top of the worms head stabbing with all of his might at the creature, while holding on wildly. I decided the fight needed to end fast, so I cast the potent prismatic ray at the foul beast......rolling a natural one and hitting the rogue, of course.
So I then roll the 1d8 to see what effect he falls under and I, of course, roll the eight, gaining TWO rolls. I then roll for insanity (which he promptly fails his save), which is unfortunate, because the rogue was already a bit of a masochistic sociopath. THEN I roll the d8 and accidently send him to another plane of existence. I was dming at the time and, completely unprepared for this turn of events, I rolled randomly to see what plane he was sent to. Blessed Fields of Elysium....a plane, in my campaign, inhabited by Care Bears who rode My Littly Pony steeds through the Gumdrop Forest.
The results were catastrophic
It was at this point that I figured I'd make some popcorn and settle in for some lols.
81. This happened just a mere three sessions ago, when I was DMing a game with a LOT of homebrew stuff in it. Enter the Zora Jewel Summoner, the Rito Drive Knight and the Moogle Bard.
Spoiler:
Show
Danar (Zora JS): "Woah, its dark in here." *summons up Bob the Blue Slaad* "There, you can tell us what you see."
Me: "Okay, the Slaad tells you what it sees. After you just descended from the ladder, you appear to stand in a room of 20 by 25 feet, and you are standing on what appears to be a large pile of bones and little bits and pieces of meat."
Alikom (Rito DK): "Uh-oh, that doesn't bid well..."
Me: "The Slaad tells you it sees a creature approaching from the bottom of the pile you are standing on."
Everest (Moogle): "Oh god no! Not again!"
Me: "It has scaly legs with claws on them and possesses feathered wings. It is coloured a mix of rusty and bloody red and its beak is sharp. Its eyes appear to be staring in your direction."
Danar: "Can I attempt a Knowledge Arcana check to see if I can catch that creature with a Jewel Sphere?" (his class works much like a Pokemon Trainer)
Me: "You can."
Danar: "Okay." *rolls a 19"
Me: "Yes, it is a kind of monster that you could catch. However, you have recently run out of spheres due to catching Bob with it."
Danar: "Ah, dammit. Can I check again to see if this creature often comes in large groups or something?"
Me: "Sure."
Danar: *rolls a 21*
Me: "It usually appears in small groups of 4-8, but it may come in really large hordes."
Danar: "Do I know if its dangerous?"
Me: "On its own it isn't really dangerous, but in large groups, it can be frighteningly powerful."
Danar: "Do I know what it is?"
Me: "It's a CHICKEN."
Danar: "..."
Alikom: "...I smack him."
And at this point I choked on my popcorn.
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