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2 years ago ::
Jul 09, 2011 - 12:16PM
#1181
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Date Joined:
Oct 12, 2003
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(3.5) The party is discussing tactics for a battle which will likely include prisoners. Some advocate killing them, since they will be a nuisance and are generally evil-aligned. Others are against killing them, but insist on putting them with the immortal witch they are working with. Then the party's favourite soul (CG) insists with a faint smile: "We don't have to be evil, just thorough."
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1 year ago ::
Mar 23, 2012 - 6:10PM
#1182
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Date Joined:
Nov 26, 2005
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Player1: So what happened!?!
Player2: I was arrested for murder.
Player1: ...which one?
Player2: Well. We did murder about 8 hobos last night. I should mention.
Player1: WHAT!?!
Player2: It was FOR a good reason; we were trying to summon a demon god.
Current Party (3.5, 1st Level, Bards)
The Drummer - Mouthy human stoner who isn't allowed to carry our money.
The Lutist - Gnome willing to get freaky with wealthy orcs if it means a +2 to his Gather Info.
The Bass Lutist - Token dwarf.
The Lead Singer - Always taking one for the team...and sometimes just for fun.
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1 year ago ::
Apr 02, 2012 - 11:06AM
#1183
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Date Joined:
Apr 21, 2011
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We had a group with a Rogue and a Paladin! ( Classic! )
The party enters a really poor village. People are begging for money and food! Some people are even dead, in the streets!
The priest and the Paladins gave some pieces to the poors.
Then the Rogue says...
Rogue:I'm starting to cry! ( And he's faking to cry! )
DM: OK...
Rogue: Then I take two gold pieces...And wipe my tears with them!!!
We all laughed so hard, Imagining the faces of the people!
Then...
The Paladin slapped the hands of the rogue so he dropped his two gold pieces on the gound....
Rogue:NO!!! MY GOLD PIECES! ( And he cries...for real!!! )
We laughed again!!!
I really loved these two players!!! Always giving moments like this one!
I'm playing:
Abin Gadon, Halfling Bard
Winston "Slurphnose", Gnome Sorcerer
Pasiphaé, Minotaur Shaman
Eglerion, Elf Ellyrian Reaver (Ranger)
DMing:
Le Trésor du Fluide (Treasure from the Fluid)
Un Royaume d'une Grande Valeur (A Kingdom of Great Value)
La Légende de Persitaa (Persitaa's Legend)
Une Série de Petites Quêtes... (A serie of short quests)
Playtesting:
Caves of Chaos
We're building the greatest adventure ever known to DnD players!
Also playing Legend of the Five Rings and Warhammer Fantasy.
Sébastien, Beloeil, Qc.
I am Neutral Good and 32 years old.
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1 year ago ::
Apr 03, 2012 - 1:17AM
#1184
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Date Joined:
Feb 21, 2011
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((This was originally posted in the First 'Best Lines Ever' Thread - it was unlocked and had some recent posts. Unsure of whether it belongs here or there, I shall post it again here, as with any further posts of this nature))
For the past year I have been a DM for a Party known as the Large Rusty Metal Bolts Adventuring Company. A Strange name for a wonderfully strange group of friends! ~In Rust we Trust~
Here’s our cast of Characters:
Myself – The DM and our wonderful NPCs, BBEGs, and Companion characters
Domenico Dwarfposito; A Spanish Dwarf Fighter.
Neris Greyden; an Amnesiac Tiefling Ranger with a Panther Beast companion.
Daunikir de Darque; A Tiefling Rogue whom left a crime syndicate.
Ahozalon Oxheart; A Dragonborn Fighter and apparently the Bastard Son of a Dragonborn Noble.
Faeron Dawnember; An Eladrin Paladin cursed to appear as a Drow.
Our origins of hilarity begin with the ‘Essentials’ Red Box starter kit, and the heavily modified Twisting Halls adventure I ran my group through. (Character creation)
DM: Ok, you have 10 gold left.
Faeron: Flasks, I want to buy flasks.
DM: Ok Flasks are 3 copper each. How many do you want?
Faeron: Oh really? In that case I’ll take as many as I can afford!
DM: That’s… that’s over 300 flasks. How can you POSSIBLY carry 300 flasks!!
Faeron: Oh, on my belt.
DM: Each flask is one pound… (Daunikirs Introduction to the adventure)
DM: Daunikir, you find yourself in a dark wooded area. You hear the sound of chittering voices, though you cannot place the language.
Daunikir: I slowly draw my dagger.
DM: You realize that your hands and feet have already been bound, and the sounds get closer.
Daunikir: I have low-light vision, can I make anything out in the darkness?
DM: You can see silhouettes of many short, reptilian creatures moving towards you.
Daunikir: Oh great, am I being raped by Kobolds?
(Domenico’s Conundrum)
Domenico: So the Adventurers kit is a backpack containing an adventurers kit, that has a backpack inside of it that holds an adventurers kit?
(It was as this point that Domenico’s Player slumped over onto the floor in the fetal position. We have pictures.)
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1 year ago ::
May 16, 2012 - 1:39PM
#1185
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I like to trip my players up with some moral choices every once in awhile. One guy especially liked to play the Macho-ladies-man. So, I threw him a twist:
While escaping from guards in the city, he tries to hide in a home that's occupied by a grotesque and ugly old lady. The guards leave, the old lady says he has to return the favor or she'll call the guards back.
Me: the old woman asks you to take her to her bed.
PC, visibly distraught: okay, I help her over to her bed.
Me: she asks you to take off her shoes.
PC, sighs: I take off her shoes.
Me: she asks you to take her blouse off next.
*The entire room goes dead silent at this point, eager smiles on everyone's face except the PC*
PC: I ... I take ... Oh *#$& I can't do this. I throw the old woman a few coins and jump back out the window.
Me: She starts shouting for the guards.
And the chase continued
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1 year ago ::
Jun 03, 2012 - 12:47AM
#1186
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This happened a few years ago to a friend of mine at Pacificon.
Massive group of over-powered characters in a high level game. Everybody except my friend is horribly overpowered and bragging about their characters being to badass.
DM explains they have to rescue a princess who was kidnapped and taken to a huge temple guarded to the teeth. Someone brought cookies DM grabs last cookie puts it behind his DM screen.
After about 30 min discussion on how to enter this temple, my friend says this:
"You know we can solve this entire issue without even going into the dungeon. You sir are a Arcane Archer for the last fifteen minutes you have been bragging about everything you can do with your arrows and what spells you can add to them. Make an arrow that will find her and cast teleport on it. You fire the arrow it will kill her but her body will arrive here. The Cleric brings her back to life, we get paid our gold and we can all go home."
At that moment the DM reaches out from over his screen and replies "You get the last cookie."
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1 year ago ::
Jun 03, 2012 - 1:03AM
#1187
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I had a halfing barbarian/rogue named Logan Wildblade. Logan did outragous stuff that either worked or failed horribly. In our most recent adventure in the campaign we fought an evil wizard and when I was disarmed I used the only weapon I could see...the evil wizard's spellbook! It was treated as a club -2 damage and I managed to kill the SoB with it.
I was in a group of characters that didn't know me and we were feeling each other out RP wise. I had already drunk the Half-Orc Barbarian under the table and killed some non-human bigot. After that we sat around a bar table and had a discussion on our recent adventures. The Gnome was asking the questions and there was an elven ranger who my character had tried to get with all night in the group who kept shooting me down.
Gnome: "So Logan right? We are going up against a Wizard, are you going to have a problem with that?"
Logan: "Are you suggesting that I'm afraid of magic shorty?"
Gnome: "No and you like two inches taller than me. Some barbarian are fearful of magic. Are you?"
Logan: "No in fact the last encounter I had with a bad wizard I was the one who ended his life."
Gnome: "Oh really! Fantastic! How did his evil come to an end?"
Logan: "What?" (Logan was dummber than a barrel of rocks)
Gnome: "How did you kill him?"
Logan: "Oh I got disarmed so I beat him to death with his spell book."
DM: "What was that?"
Gnome: "You beat a wizard to death...with his OWN spell book?"
Logan: "Yep." ( I then showed the DM my sheet and he described me producing an arcane spellbook with blood still on the cover and binding).
Hot Elven Ranger: "So uh what are you doing later tonight Logan?"
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12 months ago ::
Jul 11, 2012 - 8:32PM
#1188
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Date Joined:
Jul 11, 2012
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Hahahaha this thread is great.
This happened in a recent 3.5 game. Our DM was describing the campaign setting to us as such...
DM: "In this world, magic flows outward from the center of the earth. It manifests in a system of veins, and magic intensity is based off of how close-"
Human Ranger-Daniel Larusso(Interrupting): "Oh does this world also have a digestive system and a skeletal system too?"
later on in the game, the DM was introducing us to the leader of our bounty hunting company, Sask the half-orc.
DM: "Sask stands over six feet tall, and he still bears the scars he obtained while he was in his former gang."
Daniel:"Ok, so just to be clear, his name is Socks?"
DM: "no, his name is Sask, and he was part of one of the cities most violent gangs, he will kill you if-"
Daniel: "Oh i'm sure Socks was very important in the laundry hamper gang, right after jeans and under shirt."
The Sask/Socks mix up continued for the rest of the night, and probably will for the rest of the campaign.
Eventually we got down to the sewers and started fighting giant rats. Il Duce the halfling gunslinger had up until this point been riding in Daniel's backpack Master Blaster style. Eventually however, a rat swarm attacked and he decided to run for it.
Il Duce: "I climb out of the backpack and run-"
Daniel: "Make a strength check!"
Dm:"You don't get to tell him to do that. What does he even need it for?"
Daniel:"He has to beat mine if he wants to get out of the bag!"
Daniel then proceeded to beat Il Duce's strength check, and stuff him back into the bag before tying it shut.
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