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9 months ago ::
Sep 13, 2012 - 3:00PM
#701
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Date Joined:
Jun 12, 2009
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1633. Never trust a woman named Saffron.
(Yes, this came up).
We summoned a devil once. All we used was the D&D books, too. It was pretty kwazy.
God of Arrested Development and Intelligence 
Resident Left Hand of Stalin and Banana Stand Grandstander
Pie-Cooling-On-A-Windowsill of the House of Trolls
In the morning HK'll be sober but you'll still be a meatbag.
I know I misspell "Danke" in my posts. It's an inside joke.
"Ten cents gets you nuts." -George Michael
Spoiler:
Show
''Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening.''
—Bill Clinton
You are not a moral man. There are not enough middle fingers in the world for you.
Why do I get a silly PG-13 man giggle
going everytime I see Fist Of The Forest ?
Actually, Santa just didn't like you. However, you weren't on the Naughty List, so he had to give you something "better" than coal.
I'd take coal. Heating your house is expesive, and engery cost arn't going down.
Mabey if i beat enough homeless people, i won't have to be cold this year. 
"Heroes"...I wish I had those. I remember in my first-ever campaign one PC went around shootin all the unconscious baddies in the head to gain Dark Side Points...
Whaaaaaat?!??
Wow...way to waste perfectly good potential slaves.
Er...no wait I mean..uh...something not evil!
(Quotes screwed up on the next one, won't give the poster's name. It's in the Best Lines thread on the D&D forum)
First, an experience from a game I played in a few years back. Our DM didn't like 3.5 as a whole but liked parts of it. So he hands us a big ass rules packet for his modified FR campaign, complete with quotes from important NPC's on the front. I can't remember most of the HRs, just that some how gods like Cyric and Bhaal existed at the same time, despite the obvious problems there. In the end the game became a problem more because of the railroading than the HRs, but it ended with this classic line, after our ranger tried to disarm the strange woman following us WITH HIS BOW: DM: You just killed (insert random noble sounding name here) JP: Was she important? Jack: Dude, she's quoted on the front of the rules packet!
"Why in the wide,wide, world of all things irrational would I help you?
-Daniel Jackson
"Fun will now commence."
-Seven of Nine
"Excellent."
-Mr. Burns.
Whey is a crotch.
Cut the last encounter on your way out after dealing with the Darth. He's the BBEG. Treat him as such. Play up that Darth Revan is THAT much of a badarse. When the shuttle landed, I had no less than 13 JEDI MASTERS step off the shuttle. The PCs were slack-jawed. After the meetup with Bastila (as she's carrying Revan's body), only TWO jedi masters remained with her. Let me tell you, the player whining about not getting to fight Revan himself shut up pretty quickly when he saw that. 
There's so much you can do with insanity, especially when it has alot of resources.
1. Cleric cast protection from fire on Tank.
2. Tank goes in and get surrounded by enemies.
3. Wizard cast fireball and blows them up.
4. ???
5. Profit
I go by the saying," If it ain't friendly fire then it's not working."
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9 months ago ::
Sep 27, 2012 - 2:21PM
#702
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Date Joined:
May 18, 2012
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1634 - Constitution is not a dumpstat. Ever.
1635 - Even if you are the tank, are proficient with heavy armour and have a big strength, it is wise to use a lighter armour most of the time. You can always run away from a fight, but surprise environmental dangers are far more deadly.
1636 - Enemy hit points don't matter if they cannot effectively fight you. Work together to improve your chances of disabling opponents
1637 - Be friendly to people around you. Being an **** does not help you at all, while friends might come by and help out if they remember you fondly.
Jare’io-Harotamycolan, son of Umbar-Harotida
Master Detective and Prophet of Sins
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8 months ago ::
Sep 30, 2012 - 10:45PM
#703
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1638: (4e) It's never a bad idea to take along 5 potions of invulnerability along with a feat or item that lets you use it as a minor. Just ask my 96 hp sorceror who took 329 damage pre-resist all in the first 3.5 rounds of a certain LFR adventure.
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8 months ago ::
Oct 06, 2012 - 6:45PM
#704
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1639: If it seems suspicious, treat it with suspicion.
I'm on a journey of enlightenment, learning and self-improvement. A journey towards mastery. A journey that will never end.
If you challenge me, prepare to be challenged. If you have something to offer as a fellow student, I will accept it. If you call yourself a master, prepare to be humbled. If you seek me, look to the path. I will be traveling it. #SuperDungeonMasterIITurbo
My blog and stuff http://dmingtowin.blogspot.com/
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8 months ago ::
Oct 11, 2012 - 3:30PM
#705
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Date Joined:
Mar 16, 2001
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1640: Try to never get on a ship. [they all sink] 1641: If you must get on a ship buy barrels. The fighters, and clerics, should each buy a large barrel and place their armor inside, particularly plate. The mage should buy a small barrel to keep their spell book whenever they are not using it. Then take rope and make a handle on the barrel. When the ship goes down your spell book is kept dry and you have a handy barrel to cling to. The fighters don’t drown because their plate floats inside the barrel. You might even be able rope the barrels together with debris and make a raft.
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8 months ago ::
Oct 13, 2012 - 7:04PM
#706
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1642: If your a mage, never specialize in one type of damage. The second an enemi has resistance to it you're screwed and useless except for meatshield.
1643: If you fired magic missile at the darkness and a magic missile is shot back at you, don't fire a burst or blast spell at it. It will reflect back at you and hit both you and your teammates most likely bloodying the cleric who dumpstatted his dex.
"Into the heart of battle, I shall walk
In the eye of the storm, I will stand
Onto the end of the earth, I shall hunt
In defence of others, I shall fight
For honour and glory, I will live
And for justice, I would die"
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5 months ago ::
Jan 02, 2013 - 9:51PM
#707
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1644: It is NEVER a bad idea to do an occasional favor for an NPC, particularly ones in high places. Garnering favors is how you get big things accomplished. Don't be afraid to call in the favors when you need to do something truly badass.
Never trust a DM who gleefully keeps a record of PC deaths.
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5 months ago ::
Jan 04, 2013 - 1:18AM
#708
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Date Joined:
Jul 23, 2012
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1645: If at first you don't succeed, get a feat or item that allows re-rolling or gives you an extra save vs death.
1646: Never play a lecherous character. The ONLY way to make it work is if the lechery is a joke at that character's expense and everyone else at the table shares your sense of humour. And it still only works sometimes.
1647: There is no actual reason for the Lawful Good character to be a righteous pain in the ass. Just because your alignment says 'Lawful' doesn't mean you have to obey every single damn law and sign to the damn letter, do you know ANYONE like that? Unless you are specifically playing a stickler to the rules for laughs it will only annoy people.
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5 months ago ::
Jan 05, 2013 - 1:50PM
#709
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Date Joined:
Jul 23, 2012
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1648: Just because you have found a feat that gives you something you really want doesn't mean it is the best or only feat that gives you it. Many come with other perks attached, the trick is simply finding them (This is basically true of any game that has a similarly sprawling system of rewards and upgrades). Why get X when you can get X plus a skill bonus? Or better yet, X plus something way better than X.
1649: Same goes for character class and race.
1650a: Doesn't matter how nice they are in person, doesn't matter how much loot they give you, any DM worth having is always Chaotic Neutral. You will find out exactly how true this is at exactly the wrong time. Chaotic Evil DMs aren't worth keeping unless that is the theme of the game, in which case they are just Chaotic Neutral in disguise.
1650b: You may not be visible from the highly-traveled area but if the Bard cracks open the sing-along routine as a quick morale raiser before bed you'll be audible for a distance exactly equal to how evil your DM is.
1651a: Sometimes the best way to get all the loot out of the dungeon in one go is to just not to remind the DM that gold weighs a lot. If your DM doesn't notice that the wizard is carrying more than Crusher the ork neither will the wizard. Try to put the thought of weight out of your mind so as to better feign surprise when he realises.
1651b: As a second option, check your wizard doesn't have a spell that can carry it for you. That includes some summoning spells.
1651c: Failing a and b: give someone a strength potion. If you are worried about wasting said potion remember why it is that you are giving them said potion, i.e., because you have more gold than you can physically carry.
1651d: Don't carry the light stuff out in chests.
1651e: Don't carry the heavy stuff out in sacks
1651f: Carrying capasity is diferent from lifting capasity, carry stuff between you.
1651g: It really doesn't matter how empty that dungeon is, the more trips you make to the treasure the more chance you have of finding out it isn't. But don't get caught with your arms full, keep scouting.
1651h: You may be able to teleport most of it.
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5 months ago ::
Jan 07, 2013 - 1:24AM
#710
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Date Joined:
Jul 23, 2012
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1672: And because nobody else seems to have said it, make sure EVERY member of the party has the following items specifically kept in a place they can get to IMMEDIATELY at all times:
- 3-5 potions of antivenom or cure poison. Yes, at least that many.
- At least 5 health potions
- At least one health potion of the best kind you can afford.
- At least one scroll or item that can undo petrification. Don't just give this to one person! They will get petrified!
- A wand they know how to use.
- A health potion that is specifically there for the other members to force-feed you
- A dagger or three, preferably mundane. They are there to be disposable.
- Potion of heroism. Sometimes people need a hero.
- Something really freaking dangerous such as a potion of fireball. If possible, save every single scroll\wand\potion of fireball\other big nasty effect that you can and hand out for use as a last resort when the party is being overwhelmed. Never underestimate the stopping power of six fireballs at once! Note: if you do launch that many and kill dozens or even hundreds and the next wave just rolls over their charred corpses, casually make a joke about their persistence to the other players, the DM may change their mind.
- Using a wand of grease or jar of oil first is a good idea too (yes, I know it has been mentioned)
- At least two vials of holy water
- Lockbust chalk or knock spell to open doors in a hurry. Yes, everyone. The fastest guy may be the furthest from the door.
- Pitons, hammer, for nailing shut doors in a hurry when something is trying to get through (at least two people need to have this)
- At least two scrolls of hold person that you know will work on all of the other party members. Domination happens and it isn't pretty when your own fighter spins round and goes for the wizard.
- They may be nerfed in 4e, but carry some alchemical items. Tanglefoot bag is a good choice.
- Spare weapon dealing at least one different type of damage to your main weapon
- Compromising photos of your DM
1673: If you can hand out fireballs like cupcakes your DM will suddenly produce monsters who eat said flaming cupcakes for breakfast. Deal at least two types of damage, six if possible. Try to find things that let you change the type of damage something deals. 1674: Gluing a door shut is a lot quieter than nailing it shut. 1675: If you run out of glue, solvent is highly flammable. Just saying. 1676: Don't use ALL of your solvent for setting things on fire. The next monster may start throwing jars of glue instead of tanglefoot bags just because the DM is mean. 1677: Aqua Regis exists in D&D, it looks a lot like clear water and you can fill things with it. Just saying. 1678: Just because there is gold or other metal in a pool of water or fountain doesn't mean that you should stick your hand in it. 1679: Just because you can stick your arm in it doesn't mean it's safe to drink. Never eat or drink stuff lying around unless you KNOW it is safe. Detect magic, detect poison. 1680: Just because everyone else in the party can drink from that lovley little decorative fountain doesn't mean it won't burn the vampire's whole arm off. 1681: All of the above goes double if you can hear faint giggling or laughter. Random mirth = you are being enchanted, doped, or poisoned. Especially if it looks in any way whimsical. 1682: Faeries are sick b*stards. 1683: Throwing suspicious liquids over monsters is a good way to test them, but a stick, leaf, or bit of paper is easier. 1684: Some of these suspicious liquids are actually there to help you, some may even restore health or cure sickness. Pay attention to what the DM says when you drink it. If you feel weak or woozy, stop, if you feel stronger, keep going. 1685: Never trust ANY of the following things:
- Small people who float on little lacy wings
- Floors made of mirror
- Walls made of mirror
- Mirrors in general
- Archways that lead nowhere
- Piles of gold that are just lying around
- Normal harmless-looking people randomly hanging around where they shouldn't be able
- Rooms that look like they are from someone's house
- Sudden generosity on the part of anyone
- Lines of pots with necks that are just wide enough to get your arm in and feel around
- Anything that you can only explore by putting your arm in. Anything.
- Big expanses of tiled flooring
- Statues or stuffed monsters\animals of any kind
- Anything with a gemstone set in it. Espeically if it is the eyes.
- Clocks, yes clocks.
- Murals
- Sudden botanical gardens
- Anyone who wants you to eat or drink anything.
1685: If you see a painting, get the thief to check it for traps then look behind it. Take the painting with you (bring a tube) but not the frame. 1686: It is entirly possible for absolutly everything in a given room to be some kind of mimic. Yes, even the walls, floors, chairs, table, and ceiling. 1687: If anyone invites you anywhere for a 'good time' or 'a bit of fun', they don't mean for you. The only option where you might live is to say no then and there or fob them off and then go find the party and tell them. Do you really expect your DM to set you up on a D&D date? Or discribe what the 'bit of fun' is in lurid detail in front of five other people? Hell no. Your sexuality in D&D stops where casual flirting ends. Period.
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