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1 year ago ::
May 19, 2012 - 4:36AM
#5691
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Date Joined:
May 18, 2012
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During a playtest lab with my girlfriend. She hits the bad guy with an attack power, then asks to make a perception check to see how close it is to being dead. She makes the check, and the first thing out of my mouth is "Blue Warrior needs food, badly." Moments later, an npc ally connects with a solid blow to the same target. At the look on my face, she states; "Blue Warrior has died."
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13 months ago ::
May 23, 2012 - 6:50PM
#5692
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Date Joined:
Sep 21, 2009
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A little while back I (DM) had put my group into a scenario where a guild of assassins had went from being Bad guys to new found allies. The alliance was hanging on by a thread as a mutal understanding between the guild and the party. Yet this mattered not to a Human Fighter (Refluffed to be specifically a Crazy fat old viking) and a Dragonborn Barbarian.
After finishing the peace talks the Fighter asks if he can get some beer, he is directed to the local kitchen where small kegs are stored full of ale. The barbarian follows. When they enter they are invited to the ale by one of the guild assassins. In a way, its the assassins own little peace treaty. The fighter looked to me and smiled and i knew it was going down hill from here.
Fighter: "I punch the Asassin!"
DM: What?! Why?
Fighter: "I don't like how he is being nice!"
Fighter to Barbarian: "Lets get the keg and run."
So now we have a large dragonborn and a white haired old Fighter running out with kegs over the shoulder screaming. The remaining party members try to leave them behind by getting the cart and cravan going. This only seems to be a getaway attempt to the two brawlers. So they start running for the back of the cart, in attempts to hop on and escape with the ale.
The fighter is taken down by the legs, and on his way down he throws the keg he is carring, Barbarian recovers keg and continues to run while the fighter screams "TAKE THE KEG AND RUN! ITS ALL THAT MATTERS! FORGET ME NOT! FOR I REGRET NOTHING!!!!"
Maybe a bit of a "Had to be there" story, but still in the moment, priceless.
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13 months ago ::
May 23, 2012 - 7:13PM
#5693
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Date Joined:
Sep 21, 2009
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Another 4e story with the same party;
After defeating a young female green dragon the party was explained they could loot anything from the dragon they thought useful. This spiraled into the players butchering the dragon into parts and packing their bags with what could fit. And of Course Ragnar (The Old Viking Fighter) had to go the extra mile;
Ragnar: I want to keep the uterus.
DM (Me): Dude?! What? Gross!
Ragnar: Yup, Im going to use it as my coinpurse.
DM (Me): Are we really doing this?
Ragnar: Yes... yes we are.
A small fight ensued afterwards between Ragnar and the Elf Druid in the group, after they reached an agreement her response was;
Druid: "I just want to get outta here! Ragnar! Pick up your uterus and lets go!"
We were rolling for a bit after that statement.
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13 months ago ::
May 24, 2012 - 7:40AM
#5694
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Date Joined:
May 18, 2012
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Another 4e story with the same party;
After defeating a young female green dragon the party was explained they could loot anything from the dragon they thought useful. This spiraled into the players butchering the dragon into parts and packing their bags with what could fit. And of Course Ragnar (The Old Viking Fighter) had to go the extra mile;
Ragnar: I want to keep the uterus.
DM (Me): Dude?! What? Gross!
Ragnar: Yup, Im going to use it as my coinpurse.
DM (Me): Are we really doing this?
Ragnar: Yes... yes we are.
A small fight ensued afterwards between Ragnar and the Elf Druid in the group, after they reached an agreement her response was;
Druid: "I just want to get outta here! Ragnar! Pick up your uterus and lets go!"
We were rolling for a bit after that statement.
LMAO
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13 months ago ::
May 24, 2012 - 9:58AM
#5695
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Date Joined:
Jan 21, 2012
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While in a dwarven mining town.
Female Changeling Executioner - Allllright, now to loot the town and rob ALL the stores! Male Dwarf Paladin - Priscilla, these are a kind people that have a rich culture, I also grew up here and everybody here knows me and is kind to me! Female Changeling Executioner - *Changes into Dwarf Paladin and kills a man with a sword and lights a store on fire, then goes back to normal* Male Dwarf Paladin - What the hell! Female Changeling Executioner - Ah! Murderer! Vandal! Guards! Guards!!! *whispers* Never say no to me.
While in a cave and a 100ft beast comes to life.
Female Changeling Executioner - *Shoves enchanted claymore in to ground* *rolls 20* YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
*ground opens up and I fall thousands of feet while attacking the beast* *rolls a 20 for endurance and another 20 for acrobatics and lands perfectly, killing the beast* Female Changeling Executioner - Praise Shar! Thank the dice gods!
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13 months ago ::
May 27, 2012 - 1:33PM
#5696
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Date Joined:
Nov 12, 2005
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Adventures of an alcoholic wizard!
"Man, I've got to lay of the shaush (sauce). It looksh like there's a bear behind you, but it has an owl'sh facesh."
...And cue the owlbear attack.
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13 months ago ::
May 29, 2012 - 7:26AM
#5697
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Date Joined:
May 21, 2012
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Not a funny one but it was absolutely awesome. Playing star wars D20 with the party consisting of two jedis, one tech, one pilot and a soldier. We were involved in a very tough fight and basically everyone got knocked out though through some very lucky rolls no one died. The soldier had gone down mid-way through the fight but was still standing thanks to the feat that lets you get back up once after being knocked out and so was on exactly 0 hp. He had dragged himself into cover before re-joining the fight and specialised in heavy weapons so had set up his tripod mounted heavy-blaster and was pouring out fire.
He lasted four rounds on his own not taking a single point of damage thanks to cover and some lucky rolls and finally blew up the last of the droids that had attacked us. He kept the trigger pinned and drained the blaster's power cell pumping more rounds into the droids before firing a long burst into the air then leapt to his feet out of his cover holding the blaster over his head. The line?
"This is my rifle! There are many like it but this one is mine! Without my rifle, I am nothing. Without me, my rifle is nothing. I will carry my rifle against the enemy, until there is no enemy. But peace, throughout the Galaxy. Amen!"
Pretty much the whole table just started applauding, it was such an awesome reference and a brilliant bit of roleplaying because the character was actually an ex Republic marine and everything.
Edit: Appalling spelling and grammar.
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13 months ago ::
May 29, 2012 - 9:19AM
#5698
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Date Joined:
Mar 29, 2012
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Several funny ones from our campaign....
Our rogue found a potential side entry into a warehouse...we had to remove stones quietly but once removed we could sneak in and potentially have a few surprise rounds...so, the rogue and the ranger work diligently for a long time removing rocks, stealth roll, rinse repeat until we could get through. Perfect...now it's time to sneak in...this put us in a high vantage point in a warhouse with various minions and what not...doing our attacks properly we were setup to snipe a few of them before the battle started. Ranger, Rogue, more than enough firepower...needless to say, our wizard thought, hmm, I should be in there too...with a stealth of 4...um...,he can creep quietly, right?...Rolls...3...oops, uses a power to re-roll...1...immediately stands up from table puts arms over head and grunts in a high-pitch tone mimicing a sand-person from Star Wars...I seriously thought the ranger and rogue were going to kill him...the rest of us nearly pissed ourselves.
Another time, same person playing a thri-kreen monk vampire (or some stupid variation thereof)...not only does he hit like a butterfly, but his AC is 17...at level 8...don't ask...needless to say, the party finds a secret door, but must solve a riddle to open it...I dunno, like 30 minutes passes, still no luck, but party is getting closer to figureing it out...This guy tells me he wishes to leave the party and head around to the main door...to have a 'peek'. We determine that it takes him 4 turns to get over there. He opens the door, setting off an alarm, and a trap, which prevents him from retreating. Right as he does this, the party determines the riddle and opens the door. Based on turns, though, they have to wait 3 turns before they can join the battle...Monk with no ac charges in...to a group of 13 minions, 4 mini-bosses and a main-boss....without pause, 'Surrender now, or feel my wraith'...all minions charge, take him down to like 5 HPs, main-boss laughs and acid orbs him to negative HP. The main-boss was experimenting on mutating creatures into other creatures so naturally they take him up to the alter to start their ritual on him...at this point, our lawful good mage bursts through the secret door, sees the group and his dead companion, 'How dare you try to defile my friend! You shall pay for your evil ways...Hang in there buddy, I'll save you!' and launches a fireball since they are relatively close together (he has the feat to -5 against allies, half damage)...rolls individually on 8 of the monsters...miseses all but 2, and, of course, manages to crit on the monk...does 22 damage and instantly kills off the dying monk...'OMG, noooooooooooooooooooooooo...I killed Kenny, I'm a bastard!'
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13 months ago ::
Jun 03, 2012 - 5:19PM
#5699
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Date Joined:
May 19, 2011
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I retired my Battlemind yesterday in the best way I know possible.
First I interrogated a goblin by tying him up and beating him with a shark liver. A liver I got from deciding to fish just for lulz and caught a shark, so I cut out it's liver and some teeth just because, then "interrogated" a harpy with it. Then afterwards our Sorceror blew it up after getting annoyed(IC, OOC everyone thought I was being odd..even for my usual self) about it.
Later we take a submarine down underwater to find the 3rd MacGuffin we need to activate some superweapon and get chased by a sea hydra. I manage to shave a few seconds off it's chase by jettisoning a jar of glowworms to draw it away. Then when our pilot mentioned we had torpedos, I asked if he had any hollow ones. I had some extremely strong perfume(long story) I planned on launching into it's eyes via a torpedo. The Artificer was confused(I only asked about the torpedo and didn't elaborate yet) and asked if I was planning to launch myself. I was annoyed...that I didn't think of it sooner. I took a torpedo, took 20 iron spikes and 10 shark teeth and pretty much turned the torpedo into a spikeball, climbed aboard and got launched with the rest of the party thinking I'd gone completely mad.
I managed to egt isndie it, the torpedo tore it's mouth up, I hopped out and got to work on it's throat and organs, making a point to stab it's liver. I then cut myself out through the neck and realzied I couldn't breathe. And then I slowly lost consciousness ready to die..and woke up back in the submarine. Apparently they had fished me back into the sub while I was out. However, the ordeal was big for my Battlemind, so he's going to be out, giving me an excuse to play as the Elementalist I've been wanting to use.
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13 months ago ::
Jun 04, 2012 - 6:33AM
#5700
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Finaly got my first D&D session yesterday, and boy did things go south for a while.
So the party is made of a tiefling Infernal Hexblade(me).
- A Scottish Dwarf Paladin/Ardent
-A Half Orc Barbarian
- And a Schizophrenic and nymphomaniac Tiefling female Warlock, who wants to **** everything that moves or even din't move...
me and the Nympho are noobs at D&D, but i did make the effort to go on the board, follow some guides and tryed to finely tune my char, while his was made up on the spot.
this campaigne is an alternate campaigne to the groups real one, so that we new players get a grip of the game mechanics in real situation and we then rejoin the real party and campaigne.
So basicaly the other two players just made one shoots chars for this purpose.
So We Must escort a merchants caravan to the next town, long story short, we got attacked by 3 maves of goblins composed of ten each.
Me and the other two melees chars end up on the West side of the map, while the Nympho ends up on the opposite side on her own, facing 2 goblins...
While i did a good fair amount of misses, i manage to take down 8 gobs by myself with my Armor of Winter's grasp daily...and i also hurt a bit the dwarf who was a bit too close from me, despite me having the War Wizards expertise feat...
On the other side of the table, when we killed all the gobs, we see the Nympho struggleling to get rid of 2 gobs who are chassing her...
The last wave comes by, with 2 mini bosses, a Chaman and a Gob Hero on wolf, the Nympho got charged by the mounted gob, while we took out the Chaman and the other Gobs.
We run as fast as we could to help her, she manage to make a crit hit with her spell and leaves the mounted gob bloodied..., but when bloodied he makes 2W dmg...
Needless to say that the Nympho got oneshoted, brought to the ground and received the coup de grace...
he then rerolls, for sake of simplicity we says that this char is the twin sister of the previous one, long story short we ends up in the forest at camp, when comes the guard shift of the Nympho2...
The DM; you hear horrible and monstruous howling noises coming at some distance of your camp, everyone wakes up.
Barbarian, i make a Nature check to see if i recognize the sound
DM; right...you are aware that your feets are smelly and that they are in your boots...
A few minutes later, while we decided to make a detour to avoid, what was obviously a Owlbear, we set up another camp, while again on the Nympho2 watch duty, she spots something coming our way...
DM; what do you do?
Nympho2; i wake up my comrades
Okay we are all awake what now?
Dm you are the only one to see something coming your way, what do you do/say to the others?
Nympho2; i decide to tell them that this thing is here
DM are you sure?
Nympho2; yes
DM; really, really sure?
Nympho2 yes i am really sure
DM moves Owlbear in contact to her, you barely have time to warn your companions and the Owlbear makes two attacks and is now grabbing you and ready to eat your face off, you have 10 HP remaining...
We all decided to make a run for it and leave Nympho2 to her death...
The DM admitted that he had asked multiple times if he was sure of what to say, because if he had said RUN! we would have scattered and the Owlbear would'nt have been able to get us...
SO after a while we find a new companion attached to a tree by some gobs who leaved him here to die, it was the Nympho2 player new char, he rolled an Half elf Assassin this time.
We get to a mountain side and we face a Hyppogriff, we kill the thing pretty fast, thanks to the barbarian 35dmg rolls.
Wer found the monsters nest and there is an egg in it, we discuss what to do with it, eat it, take it with us and sell it etc.
And our Assassin and barbarian agreed on to the take the Hyppogriff's head as a thropy or the make an helmet out of it, so we are on a mountain side choping a Hyppogriff heads off...
last battle against a swarm of Strygias.
LOng story short, i am back to back with the dwarf paladin, surrounded by those pesky things, and i decide to use my Armor of Winter's grasp daily and hoping that this time i don't hurt the dwarf again...
What i wasn't aware of is that the dwarf was at negatif HP...
DM, ok you touch the dwarf in the process, roll the dmg.
2D6+6 dmg...roll of 17...
DM, ok dwarf he killed you...
Dwarf player: i really don't like this power...
Good thing is that for killing the dwarf i got 500xp and thus passed lvl2!!
There is things i forgot, but we where all hilarious when the poor guy had to after each battle make a new character.
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