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1 year ago ::
Mar 25, 2012 - 6:56PM
#5671
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Date Joined:
Nov 26, 2009
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This was back in 3.5, but so funny it is hard for me to forget. I was in a low level party of four, and among us was a Kobold Sorceror, who thinks he was a dragon, and then we find a goblin (Wizard) wanting to join the group. It went something like this...
Goblin : Alright, so Hello there, Human, dwarf, elf, and kobold
Kobold: Dragon!
Goblin: Er, no, your a bit small to be a dragon.
Kobold: And what is stopping a dragon for being small, I am just stronger for being so small! I'll prove it!
The pair promptly get in a brawl, and during the fight, a rod (Rod of wonder) falls out of the goblins bacKpack.
Kobold: Er.. whats that.
Gobin looks at the item and promptly grabs it Goblin: It's a rod. I got a rod!
Kobold: Can I see?
Goblin: No No! My rod!
Kobold: Err.. Whats it do?
Goblin scratches his head for a moment. "Er, I dunno... But I GOT A ROD!"
Kobold : Hey, let me see!
The fighting between them continues after that, and a minute later, the Kobold ends up with the rod.
Kobold: Hah, Got it. Mine now!
Goblin lets it go for now, and we soon come into a real combat. The Kobold decides to try out the new toy, and he turns his green scales into purple scales. The goblin at that point grabs the rod back. Through the entire campaign, the pair quarreled over the rod of wonder at times, much to the bigger party members amusement.
RPGtable username : RTiger
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1 year ago ::
Mar 25, 2012 - 7:40PM
#5672
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Date Joined:
Mar 24, 2012
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Ok, I got a few good ones. I'm playing a Warforged Alchemist, Alcyius. My friend is an Undead Necromancer/Warlock, Lurhan. Then our third friend, she's playing an elven thief, Xeimos. We are all evil characters. The exchange went something like this: Lurhan: Xeimos, get over here, I want to have sex with you! Xeimos: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU REVERSE NECROPHILIAC!!! (Chasing scene ensues)
Alcyius: -_- The second one, I was playing a Tieflng Hexblade, named Alcyius. My group had just come into a town, and I was paying a visit to a brothel. My character has an unfortunate flaming effect that effects parts of his body at random. About half an hour later, the brothel explodes violently, damaging several buildings around it. I'm the only survivor from the brothel itself. Later, to my group, I say, "The fire came from my....sword...yeah, let's go with that..." The third one, I'm a warforged named Bender, a page I took from an earlier post, and I was fighting a human. He was near dead, and before I jumped on top of him, I said, "Bite my copper metal  !"
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1 year ago ::
Mar 26, 2012 - 2:19AM
#5673
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Date Joined:
Oct 19, 2009
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Goblin Rogue: What happens if you steal gold from a Dragon?
Tiefling Hexblade: You'll be rewarded greatly for your courage...
Goblin Rogue: Woot! I go in and start stealing the Dragon's gold.
Tiefling Hexblade: ...provided you survive, of course.
Goblin Rogue: Did I say "I go in and start stealing the Dragon's gold"? Well, I meant "I go in and try to heal the Dragon's foot"... If I'm lucky, it'll pay me.
DM: The Dragon isn't injured. And it's not hungry anymore either. Make a new character.
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1 year ago ::
Mar 28, 2012 - 4:29PM
#5674
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warlock who is half-elf, put everything in charisma(charlie sheen fan), chose diplomacy, bluff, intimidate and streetwise as skills and plays feypact(basicly his minimal dmg was a 7 with the most basic attack, pretty dps for a lvl 1): "rolls 17 dmg" why do i keep doing so much dmg
entire team: for the fifth time: your the dps!!
Team enters town:
DM: you enter falcrest, what will you do?
dwarven cleric: i'mma go and **** bearded women
turns out that cause of the stereotype that dwarven women have beards he's obsessed with bearded women in game.
later:
DM(me): ok make a diplomacy check
warlock: i'll go make one
DM: hold on gotta up the dc to actually make it a challenge for you
DM: ok tigerblood(warlock) you're up
half-elf warlock starts talking in a scottish accent, entire party laughs for 5 minutes
DM: normally half elves don't have scottisch accent but i'll allowe it if you'll keep using it from now on.
In a dungeon facing kobolds, team made a kobold have 1 hp left, team has 10 foot pole, team gets messed up idea:
cleric: can i shove my 10 foot pole up his ass?
DM: why not, make a str vs fortitude check(dwarf had a 0 str mod)
cleric: woohoo, 19
DM: bugger
After the combat they used gentle repose on the kobold and now the team has a kobold on a stiek(pronounced like the jalapeno on a stick) that does 1d4 dmg and dazes.
needles to say i was an idiot, and now every time i try to rule zero/remove it my team riots.
dwarf cleric: i'm mooning the guard drake that is immobilized.
DM: The other guard drake runs up to you and bitess you in the butt.
dwarf: ouch.
Later in the same dungeon:
DM: ok guys roll perception checks, only 2 make it and are not surprised by a dragon.
"the eladrin wizard has first initiative, half-elf warlock(surprised) second, dragon third, dwarf cleric fourth and tiefling rogue(surprised) fifth"
wizard: i'm getting the fuc out of here"fey-steps and walks away" yells at team scatter you fools
warlock: i'm surprised you twit, why am i surprised
dwarf: **** this i'ma tanking this dragon
tiefling: i'm screwed
This was all in 1 session. Think there was more but i forgot
"Into the heart of battle, I shall walk
In the eye of the storm, I will stand
Onto the end of the earth, I shall hunt
In defence of others, I shall fight
For honour and glory, I will live
And for justice, I would die"
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1 year ago ::
Mar 29, 2012 - 1:01PM
#5675
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Date Joined:
Jan 12, 2011
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Second session of a level 1 campaign had some gems. Our female dwarf cleric's player is originally from South Carolina, and you have not lived until you've heard someone attempt to say "y'all" in a Scottish brogue.
The other great one came when we were climbing down the ladder and the cleric came down last, wearing a skirt. Our human fighter looks up and shrieks, "Noo! The beard goes all the way down!"
Edit: Forgot one. When we got into the final room of the mausoleum we were working our way through, the evil cleric we were facing used a touch buff spell on one of his skeletons, so my elf rogue decided to taunt him. "You guys make such a cute couple!"
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1 year ago ::
Mar 30, 2012 - 5:09AM
#5676
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Date Joined:
Nov 12, 2005
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Edit: Forgot one. When we got into the final room of the mausoleum we were working our way through, the evil cleric we were facing used a touch buff spell on one of his skeletons, so my elf rogue decided to taunt him. "You guys make such a cute couple!"
That one's a real gem. I love it! Anywho, I also have one to share:
"Surf's up, ye elven pansies!"
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1 year ago ::
Apr 13, 2012 - 7:09AM
#5677
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Eladrain: I teleport around the pillar DM: Which way? Eladrain: Ether-way. Bard:  (actually has this on his phone).
guides
Show
my builds
Show
F-111 Interdictor Long (200+ squares) distance ally teleporter. With some warlord stuff. Broken in a plot way, not a power way.
Thought Switch Higher level build that grants upto 14 attacks on turn 1. If your allies play along, it's broken.
Elven Critters Crit op with crit generation. 5 of these will end anything. Broken.
King Fisher Does an excellent job at keeping an enemy disabled in a few ways. Strong.
Boominator Fun catch-22 booming blade build with either strong or completely broken damage depending on your reading.
Very Distracting Warlock Lot's of dazing and major penalties to hit. Overpowered.
Pocket Protector Pixie Stealth Knight. Maximizing the defender's aura by being in an ally's/enemy's square.
Yakuza NinjIntimiAdin: Perma-stealth Striker that offers a little protection for ally's, and can intimidate bloodied enemies. Very Strong.
Chargeburgler with cheese Ranged attacks at the end of a charge along with perma-stealth. Solid, could be overpowered if tweaked.
Void Defender Defends giving a penalty to hit anyone but him, then removing himself from play. Can get somewhat broken in epic.
Scry and Die Attacking from around corners, while staying hidden. Moderate to broken, depending on the situation.
Skimisher Fly in, attack, and fly away. Also prevents enemies from coming close. Moderate to Broken depending on the enemy, but shouldn't make the game un-fun, as the rest of your team is at risk, and you have enough weaknesses.
Indestructible Simply won't die, even if you sleep though combat.
Sir Robin (Bravely Charge Away) He automatically slows and pushes an enemy (5 squares), while charging away. Hard to rate it's power level, since it's terrain dependent.
Death's Gatekeeper A fun twist on a healic, making your party "unkillable". Overpowered to Broken, but shouldn't actually make the game un-fun, just TPK proof.
Death's Gatekeeper mk2, (Stealth Edition) Make your party "unkillable", and you hidden, while doing solid damage. Stronger then the above, but also easier for a DM to shut down. Broken, until your DM get's enough of it.
Domination and Death Dominate everything then kill them quickly. Only works @ 30, but is broken multiple ways.
Battlemind Mc Prone-Daze Protecting your allies by keeping enemies away. Quite powerful.
The Retaliator Getting hit deals more damage to the enemy then you receive yourself, and you can take plenty of hits. Heavy item dependency, Broken.
Dead Kobold Transit Teleports 98 squares a turn, and can bring someone along for the ride. Not fully built, so i can't judge the power
Psilent Guardian Protect your allies, while being invisible. Overpowered, possibly broken
Unnamed Avenger|Runepriest/Hammer of Vengance Do lot's of damage while boosting your teams. Strong to slightly overpowered.
Charedent BarrageA charging ardent. Fine in a normal team, overpowered if there are 2 together, and easily broken in teams of 5.
Super Knight A tough, sticky, high damage knight. Strong.
Super Duper Knight Basically the same as super knight, only far more broken.
Mora, the unkillable avenger Solid damage, while being neigh indestuctable. Overpowered, but not broken.
Swordburst Maximus At-Will Close Burst 3 that slide and prones. Protects allies with off actions. Strong, possibly over powered with the right party.
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1 year ago ::
Apr 15, 2012 - 5:54PM
#5678
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So, some friends and I are playing Pathfinder (I'm the GM). The party has just landed on a hostile volcanic island. One of the PCs (a magus) has a journal from his grandfather explaining the dangers of the island. Another is a deaf oracle.
Magus: What dangers does my grandfather mention?
GM: One of the primary dangers is spurts of flame, similar to what we see in The Princess Bride's Fire Swamp.
Oracle: Does that include the popping noise right before they go off?
GM: Yes.
Oracle: I'm screwed!
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1 year ago ::
Apr 19, 2012 - 12:15PM
#5679
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Date Joined:
Mar 31, 2012
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Our party was hunting down a vampire who'd turned an innocent young girl to vamprisim. We'd already fought him once and he escaped, despite the fact he was wearing shackles that both weighed him down and weakened his shadow powers. We'd caught him again just as he managed to to break the shackles...
Vampire: Ah mortals..... Just in time, I've managed to rid myself of these cursed accessories and you show up. I think it's time for my lunch...
Human Fighter: Oh that's nice... What are you having?
Cue five minutes of hysterical laughter from the rest of the party and the DM :D
I'll edit some more in if I can think of 'em
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1 year ago ::
Apr 23, 2012 - 6:46PM
#5680
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Date Joined:
May 19, 2011
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Brawling Fighter Pixie vs Brown Bear
Most one-sided wrestling match ever(hint, the Brown Bear wasn't winning)
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