I have an outing with my family today followed by actually playing RPGs tonight. Otherwise, I'd have them today.
I intend to have my scores to Wrecan by tomorrow.I have an outing with my family today followed by actually playing RPGs tonight. Otherwise, I'd have them today.
FYI: Scores have been submitted and compiled and sent back to the judges for final approval. As soon as I get that approval, I will post the medalists! Stay tuned!
FYI: Scores have been submitted and compiled and sent back to the judges for final approval. As soon as I get that approval, I will post the medalists! Stay tuned!
I can't wait to see which of our horrific entries will be encouraged to run rampant across worlds at large!
Uh...wait...what are you doing?
Oh boy! :w00t: :w00t: I can't wait to see which of our horrific entries will be encouraged to run rampant across worlds at large!Uh...wait...what are you doing? :confused:
E - Eligibility -- whether or not the entry meets the criteria of the contest C - Cohesion -- whether or not the entry possesses an ease of adadaptability into one's campaign or as a one-shot adventure. O - Other Thoughts -- whether or not the entry has anything else I feel like commenting on.
Lovely entry. Big thumnbs up all around! Seriously though -- self reflection = there's a lot of left over fragments from earlier versions, and the wording got a little obtuse because
Eligibility: I'm going to harp about targeting "adolescents" again, but other than that, no comments.
Cohesion: I'm quite impressed with the way this entry flows together. You clearly lay out how the party might get involved and encounters they might face. However, I find it odd you do not detail an encounter with the actual fangcats. You provide statistics for them, but don't lay out what a suitable encounter is, (3? 4?) despite doing this for "Theamaan and his Pets".
Other Thoughts: You chose one of the harder optional elements (2) and spun a great story to boot. I would be deeply surprised if this entry did not at least earn an honorable mention.
E.C.O. Criticism System... ENGAGE!E - Eligibility -- whether or not the entry meets the criteria of the contestC - Cohesion -- whether or not the entry possesses an ease of adadaptability into one's campaign or as a one-shot adventure.O -
Cohesion:I like this simple flow this entry has to it: something in the sewers-> investigate sewers. Ghost tells us how to find the murderer
-> go find and kill him. I'm a little wary of having the sewers themselves be a skill challenge, this seems to me like it would be better as
a full fledged dungeon (though that very fact may have prevented you from doing it). Also, did you copy+paste from Yaratolzat or is there
really a dragon in the sewers :D .
Other Thoughts: Though I love the 2nd skill challenge given the clear Success / fail dynamic, I'm not sure that it works well as something
that the PCs arrive spontaneously at a decision to do. I would prefer something more like "The ghost walks up to you 'I can sense him.
Mirigen is hunting right now!' What do you do" rather than "okay, let's go find this guy". The dynamic is completely different, and I think
it falls more in line with the relevant ability checks to boot. A pity that /deck abused your attack names, but the entry was still plenty
readable without it. I do question the decision to put the shadow shamblers in sblocks though... I pulled out my monster manual and started
looking through it the first time I read your entry, simply because I had happened to pass over the shamblers in my first read through. A
very rich entry, all in all.
[sblock=The Kittyrar]Eligibility: This is fine, I think, but would be even more interesting if Yeowwy was one of a pack of Kittyrars. Cohesion: You outline several different threads for adventurers to start off on, but do not flesh any of them out.Ot
Eligibility: I'm going to harp about targeting "adolescents" again, but other than that, no comments.
Cohesion: I'm quite impressed with the way this entry flows together. You clearly lay out how the party might get involved and encounters they might face. However, I find it odd you do not detail an encounter with the actual fangcats. You provide statistics for them, but don't lay out what a suitable encounter is, (3? 4?) despite doing this for "Theamaan and his Pets".
Other Thoughts: You chose one of the harder optional elements (2) and spun a great story to boot. I would be deeply surprised if this entry did not at least earn an honorable mention.
I'm sorry that I didn't respond to your criticism when I posted earlier. I guess I must have just missed it.
So you don't think they intended to include children with the adolescents requirement? Oops... Still, I always counted that one as filling half of a requirement (same as the skill challenge, since I was uncertain about that one), so I guess it is still fine.
Thanks for the praise on the cohesion of the entry. As for why I didn't include a full Fangcat encounter... I guess because I didn't think it was necessary. Fangcats are a standard monster, and they will most likely be fought as a homogenous group, so it would be a normal encounter of five standard monsters (assuming a party of equal level). So, five Fangcat swarms. The way 4E makes building such encounters easier is one of the many things I like about it. I built an encounter for the wizard because the fight against him wasn't so straightforward and needed the extra treatment.
And again, thanks for the praise. You are getting my hopes up again (the last minute surge of solid entries has been making me despair). Do you think optional element 2 was really that hard? I liked it, since it helped the entry write itself.
I'm sorry that I didn't respond to your criticism when I posted earlier. I guess I must have just missed it.[sblock=Response to Veok's Criticism]So you don't think they intended to include children with the adolescents requirement? Oops... Still, I a
I am pleased to announce the winners of the Fourth Expert Dungeon Master Competition! We had a lot of great entries and it was a perfect competition for Halloween!
Since the competition is now closed, entrants are free to go back and edit their entries and the judges should feel free to post their comments, if any.
I am pleased to announce the winners of the Fourth Expert Dungeon Master Competition! We had a lot of great entries and it was a perfect competition for Halloween! Since the competition is now closed, entrants are free to go back and edit their entr
every judge has one bonus point. they can give them out to entries however they see fit, or for any reason they want to. seeing that both points (wrecan rarely uses those) go to the same entry makes me believe he really hit a sweet spot with his entry.
i believe it was in the xdmc#3 that i earned one for one of my entries, the judge told me later why. (he liked the theme best)
@wrecan: TYPO!
Both of them are also not eligible to judge future competitions!
every judge has one bonus point. they can give them out to entries however they see fit, or for any reason they want to. seeing that both points (wrecan rarely uses those) go to the same entry makes me believe he really hit a sweet spot with his entr
Yeah, I'm going to bump the medalists to the top of the entry list. It makes it easier for people to find them. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Veok wrote:
Edit: Bonus points? What are bonus points?
The Rules of the XDMCs wrote:
Each judge may reward one entry in each competition with a single bonus point, for entries judged especially impressive or noteworthy. The scores in each category will be averaged together, with bonus points added on after averaging, from which a final score is calculated.
Yeah, I'm going to bump the medalists to the top of the entry list. It makes it easier for people to find them. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Keep in mind that judging entries is more art than science. Generally, in my opinion, any score over 20 is great for a first-time entrant. Any score over 30 is great for an experienced entrant. Scores over 40 are and should be rare, with on ly one or two entries in any contest achieving it.
Everyone topped 30 this time around, which indicates to me a very competitive and quality field of entries.
Keep in mind that judging entries is more art than science. Generally, in my opinion, any score over 20 is great for a first-time entrant. Any score over 30 is great for an experienced entrant. Scores over 40 are and should be rare, with on ly one
I have my comments ready, but they're at home. However, the next two work nights are going to be late. I might not get to send them out until Wednesday, but I'll try to get them out earlier.
I have my comments ready, but they're at home. However, the next two work nights are going to be late. I might not get to send them out until Wednesday, but I'll try to get them out earlier.
I have my comments ready, but they're at home. However, the bext two worknights are going to be late. I might not get to send them out until Wednesday, but I'll try to get them out earlier.
I say don't worry about the comments just yet. I think you need some sleep, friend.
I say don't worry about the comments just yet. I think you need some sleep, friend.
Woohoo! 3rd place! Looks like I finally managed to edit out the unnecessary complexity I put in that usually costs me tons of points. Maybe if I enter a blank post, I'll win!
Can't wait to see the comments; I want to keep doing whatever it was that got me this far.
Woohoo! 3rd place! Looks like I finally managed to edit out the unnecessary complexity I put in that usually costs me tons of points. Maybe if I enter a blank post, I'll win! ;)Can't wait to see the comments; I want to keep doing whatever it was t
Create a Prophecy; Come up with a prophecy, several possible interpertations, ways to involve players and the correct interpertation.
I'd like to suggest an idea for the next one:Create a Prophecy; Come up with a prophecy, several possible interpertations, ways to involve players and the correct interpertation.
That reminds me of an evil idea I had the other night.
It's a triangular room, with one end of the triangle (in which is a door the characters need to get through) is blocked off by a wall of glowing light.
The glowing wall has no obvious demarcations-- it looks like the only way to get through is to break the fourth wall.
Make sure you're using miniatures, and denote the glowing wall with a piece of folded notebook paper or the like. To get through, PCs must literally grab the object representing the wall and remove it from the dungeon, thus "breaking" the fourth wall. :D
That reminds me of an evil idea I had the other night.It's a triangular room, with one end of the triangle (in which is a door the characters need to get through) is blocked off by a wall of glowing light.The glowing wall has no obvious demarcations-
Woohoo! 3rd place! Looks like I finally managed to edit out the unnecessary complexity I put in that usually costs me tons of points. Maybe if I enter a blank post, I'll win!
does not work - i did not submit and obviously, failed in winning.
nowiwantmydmg wrote:
I'd like to suggest an idea for the next one:
Create a Prophecy; Come up with a prophecy, several possible interpertations, ways to involve players and the correct interpertation.
great idea. prophecies are really hard to do though - railroading is often a big part in it. i had to find out the hard way with my current party.
does not work - i did not submit and obviously, failed in winning. great idea. prophecies are really hard to do though - railroading is often a big part in it. i had to find out the hard way with my current party. :)
Weekend in the Realms took up all my time this weekend, preventing me from worrying about judging here. I finally remembered today, and found that I was so... close...
I'm pretty proud of such a good score for my first entry, though, and really appreciate the judges' investment of time and effort. I'll definitely keep checking for the postmortem analysis, and thanks to everyone in advance for constructive criticism.
See you all for the next competition! :D
Weekend in the Realms took up all my time this weekend, preventing me from worrying about judging here. I finally remembered today, and found that I was so... close... I'm pretty proud of such a good score for my first entry, though, and really ap
I am still amazed that I won... I apologize if the following sounds unsportsmanlike/conceited/like bragging/etc, but..
Wooooohoooo!!!! :D :D :D :D
Erhem... Sorry. :embarrass
Congrats to all the other great entries! You made me sweat a lot about whether I even had a chance!
Also... We can go back and fix our posts for errors now? That means I can finally fix that embarrassing lack of a "save ends" in the Fangcat Swarm entry... I noticed that error shortly after I made the post, but by then I was already just over the 15 minute limit (or at least was worried that I was), so I didn't dare fix it.
Anyways, now I am looking forward to future competitions! You better believe that I will try to earn that "Epic Dungeon Master" title!
Edit: By the way, I won't do so unless you ask me to, but I will provide a few tips and criticism for anyone who wants it. I might not be the best guy for asking about rules stuff, but I would like to think I am qualified to give a few tips about writing and clarity. Be warned, I can be a harsh critic.
Edit 2: I almost forgot to mention this, but I really am proud most of all that the judges thought my entry was deserving of bonus points, and I would really like to hear why I did (so I can learn from my success and continue to win, mwahaha! :plotting.
I am still amazed that I won... I apologize if the following sounds unsportsmanlike/conceited/like bragging/etc, but..Wooooohoooo!!!! :D :D :D :D Erhem... Sorry. :embarrass Congrats to all the other great entries! You made me sweat a lot about whethe
I just read your entry and I'm not at all surprised, and I'm completely happy to have come in behind yours. Your entry captured the halloween horror feel better than mine, and I was going all out to find exactly that style, while trying to add other interesting elements. You also pulled off the toughest of the optionals in a very cool way, and I suspect that is a great way to go for those bonus points.
Many excellent entries, so man I'm happy to have another Silver. I really wanted to qualify to judge, so awesome to have accomplished that.
Thanks again to wrecan for coordinating and working so hard on these. They are tons of fun!
Minor issue: "Ohln" is mispelled in the medalist post, but my fault really because it is one place name that is doomed to always be mispelled.
I just read your entry and I'm not at all surprised, and I'm completely happy to have come in behind yours. Your entry captured the halloween horror feel better than mine, and I was going all out to find exactly that style, while trying to add other
I am still amazed that I won... I apologize if the following sounds unsportsmanlike/conceited/like bragging/etc, but..
Wooooohoooo!!!! :D :D :D :D
Erhem... Sorry. :embarrass
Congrats to all the other great entries! You made me sweat a lot about whether I even had a chance!
Also... We can go back and fix our posts for errors now? That means I can finally fix that embarrassing lack of a "save ends" in the Fangcat Swarm entry... I noticed that error shortly after I made the post, but by then I was already just over the 15 minute limit (or at least was worried that I was), so I didn't dare fix it.
Anyways, now I am looking forward to future competitions! You better believe that I will try to earn that "Epic Dungeon Master" title!
Edit: By the way, I won't do so unless you ask me to, but I will provide a few tips and criticism for anyone who wants it. I might not be the best guy for asking about rules stuff, but I would like to think I am qualified to give a few tips about writing and clarity. Be warned, I can be a harsh critic.
Edit 2: I almost forgot to mention this, but I really am proud most of all that the judges thought my entry was deserving of bonus points, and I would really like to hear why I did (so I can learn from my success and continue to win, mwahaha! :plotting.
Don't be modest, I knew yours was the one to beat as soon as I read it. Congrats.
And please criticise away, I'm particularly interested in things I didn't do so well(even if that's the theme) but any feedback would be helpful.
Don't be modest, I knew yours was the one to beat as soon as I read it. Congrats.And please criticise away, I'm particularly interested in things I didn't do so well(even if that's the theme) but any feedback would be helpful.
...and what you did is not submitting anything. :D
Yep. Here's submitting nothing:--------------------------------Okay, here's my entry:Hope you like it!--------------------------------...and what you did is not submitting anything. :D
From third in #3 to last in #4, I didn't do too well. I see now that I didn't spend enough time making Yeowwy evil and a menace. I'm curious what people think of the rules behind her. I didn't really like making her simply do four attacks for a single attack.
@Veok: The original 3E creature had a headbitting ability which on critical hit with a bite the opponent's head was bitten off instantly killing him.
TwinBahamut wrote:
Edit: By the way, I won't do so unless you ask me to, but I will provide a few tips and criticism for anyone who wants it. I might not be the best guy for asking about rules stuff, but I would like to think I am qualified to give a few tips about writing and clarity. Be warned, I can be a harsh critic.
Feel free to tear apart my entry.
From third in #3 to last in #4, I didn't do too well. I see now that I didn't spend enough time making Yeowwy evil and a menace. I'm curious what people think of the rules behind her. I didn't really like making her simply do four attacks for a si
Edit 2: I almost forgot to mention this, but I really am proud most of all that the judges thought my entry was deserving of bonus points, and I would really like to hear why I did (so I can learn from my success and continue to win, mwahaha! :plotting.
The reason your entry did so good, and I will go into it in more detail when I get my comments posted, is because it fit the theme to a T. It's something you could expect in a serious Hollywood level horror movie.
Also, everyone is welcome to post comments on entries. The whole point of these things is to submit ideas and have them critiqued by others to create the best possible hook. These things are (hopefully) used by many DMs that don't have time to create an adventure for some reason or another, so making them as error proof as possible is paramount.
The reason your entry did so good, and I will go into it in more detail when I get my comments posted, is because it fit the theme to a T. It's something you could expect in a serious Hollywood level horror movie. Also, everyone is welcome to post c
Also, everyone is welcome to post comments on entries. The whole point of these things is to submit ideas and have them critiqued by others to create the best possible hook. These things are (hopefully) used by many DMs that don't have time to create an adventure for some reason or another, so making them as error proof as possible is paramount.
This. At least as far as I'm concerned, no feedback means no improvement. With that said, I'll be spending some time over the next couple of days putting together short critiques of the other entries--although I'm willing to send them by PM or just hold on to them, if anyone objects.
This. At least as far as I'm concerned, no feedback means no improvement. With that said, I'll be spending some time over the next couple of days putting together short critiques of the other entries--although I'm willing to send them by PM or just
Eligibility:I'm not sure the menace is the paladin himself, but rather the necromancer pulling the strings. In this light, I do not see the
skill challenge as qualifying for this, especially since the skill challenge itslef doesn't reward the characters with knowledge of why
Shadowsbane is doing this.
Cohesion: I think this would work slightly better if the PCs were hired as body guards rather than mere investigators. What are the odds that
they will be around to catch Aaron in the act in any other situation? That said, there is a clearly defined BBEG and progression, and I like
that.The intermediate steps leading up to the final, climactic confrontation are a little fuzzy however.
Other Thoughts: While Aaron's mid-battle betrayal is a nice touch, I wonder why Davarroth doesn't simply kill him at that point -- after all,
he still has control over the stake, yes? I'm also not quite sure what the purpose of the "Identify the Vampire" challenge is. The only
difference between success and failure is knowing the vampire's name. Depending on the PCs, they may not even attempt the challenge, assuming
Aaron is a normal vampire and dealing with him similarly. If this is to the case, who's to say that the PCs ignore Aaron's change of heart in
the final battle -- when's the last time they've seen a good vampire?
I would also like to invite criticism on my own entry. Go for the full fledged, scathing remarks if you feel the need. I'm definitely not pulling punches. (Though I do try to stay away from outright mockery and derision :D )
I've already started handing out criticisms, please see page 8.[sblock=The Horror of Ohlm]Eligibility: no problems. I especially like the skill challenge, even if it is slightly on the complex side. The dichotomy between ultimate success and failure
Thanks for judging guys. It was tight there with most of the entries, with just 1/3's of points in it. Congratulations to all on such great entries, I know the amount of work you put in to all get high scores because i know how much I had to put in.
Thanks Veok for your kind analysis of my entry. I did mention why the comunity never spoke of the dead (because they would brave the light to have their family and friends join them) but I guess that goes to "Clarity".
I would like to make a special note of Dragoncat's entry. I think it was rushed in at the end there but i was so entertained by it as I read it. If you'd had more time the names on the list would certainly have been in different order.
I'll comment on some of the entries as I find time.
Thanks.
Thanks for judging guys. It was tight there with most of the entries, with just 1/3's of points in it. Congratulations to all on such great entries, I know the amount of work you put in to all get high scores because i know how much I had to put in.T
The reason your entry did so good, and I will go into it in more detail when I get my comments posted, is because it fit the theme to a T. It's something you could expect in a serious Hollywood level horror movie.
And this is why I am so amazed that I won...
I don't watch Hollywood horror movies. I don't watch horror at all, and try to avoid it as much as I can. I get scared crazy, and it gives me the willies for months. Every time I walk around in a dark room, I recall every single silly ghost story I have ever heard. If I actually watched horror movies, I think I would go nuts.
There is a reason my entry was inspired by a documentary about rats in New York, rather than a Hollywood film.
Anyways, since nowiwantmydmg asked first, I believe, I will start with the Tick Tock entry.
First off, I am obligated as a person who majored in English in college to say that your grammar needs work. In particular, you make a very large use of run-on sentences and other kinds of punctuation and connection errors. In other places, certain phrases that should be isolated off with commas are not. However, these flaws are not consistent, and you use the correct structures in other parts of the entry, so I don't believe you don't know the rules. Instead, you probably are just missing errors while writing (something I do all the time). The best thing I could recommend is to simply have someone else read over your work before submitting it, or to even just try reading it aloud after you are done writing. That tends to help a lot.
Getting to the meat of the entry itself, the central idea of the mysterious clocktower that no one ever enters is perfect. It really is an incredibly good setting for a horror tale. The fact that it is an ancient tower created by an archmage long ago is an equally great origin story for such a tower in a D&D game. And since you have made the clocktower the menace itself, it is both the threat and the setting, an awesome combination. This is a perfect thing to anchor a story around.
The main problem with your story is that you don't anchor the story around the clocktower. For the most part, the various elements of "mysterious murders", "the ghost of the Mangler", "the Eladrin wizard", and almost everything else you have mention simply do not seem to logically connect to the clocktower at all, particularly from the perspective of the townsfolk or a group of adventurers wandering through (handily enough, those perspectives match about 90% of the time).
A good story, particularly a story that must be told in a limited amount of time, needs to flow logically, with each element leading into the next with as little random chance, happenstance, and divergence as possible. For example, the part of my own entry that I am most proud of is the way that the actual threat, the Fangcats, hides behind the rumor of the rat plague because the Fangcats were themselves created to ease such fears. The fear of the rat plague resulted in something that matched the horror of the rat plague; the real and imagined horrors are inseparable. Random connections with no basis, such as the weak tie between rumors of "the Mangler" and the clocktower, just lead to confusion and add weakness to a story.
As more things are bound to the central element, the clocktower, the stroy becomes stronger. Put simply, which is more frightening a series of random deaths, or the dreadful knowledge that every time the clocktower rings its bell at midnight someone dies a gruesome death? The latter is easily much stronger. It is more terrifying because it gives people something to be afraid of. If deaths are simply happening, it leads to random paranoia, which results more in confusion and disorder than actual fear. If people instead have a particular trigger that leads to fear, then you get something that builds tension and suspense leading up to the actual murder. In addition to this, is makes "investigating the clocktower" a logical progression from investigating the murders, which speeds up the game and keeps it focused.
This is getting a bit long, so I will keep the rest brief. Your opening background story is simply too confused, since it constantly jumps between things that have no logical connection for the reader, and will not logically connect for a while. Things like the dragon reference simply distract the reader. Overall, I think the story of how the clocktower was built and then made sentient and evil at a much later date is overly complicated; there should be a single origin story. Any rumors to distract the players should still have been associated with the clocktower (after all, if it has been in the town for so long it should have at least a few rumors circulating about it). Since the clocktower is a symbol synonymous with time, I am a bit disappointed that the theme of "time" doesn't show up at all anywhere in the menace.
I think I will leave any criticism about the mechanical side of this entry to others, but I don't see any overt problems with your layout or anything.
At this level of detail, I may need to progress through this criticism stuff slowly...
And this is why I am so amazed that I won...I don't watch Hollywood horror movies. I don't watch horror at all, and try to avoid it as much as I can. I get scared crazy, and it gives me the willies for months. Every time I walk around in a dark room,
Eligiblity: no problems. I especially like the skill challenge, even if it is slightly on the complex side. The dichotomy between ultimate success and failure is particularly delicious.
Cohesion: I like the way this starts, but there seems to be a little rail-roading and/or a disconnect leading up to the skill challenge. I don't understand why the PC's (especially if they have newly arrived into town) would know the significance of the seven families or why only their personal records would help solve the killings. Are there no magistrates or other authorities with access to similar documents? In addition, what happens if the PCs fail the skill challenge -- they won't be able to locate the monster short of stumbling upon it mid-feeding, yet if it manages to escape, the charactesr won't be able to catch it (especially with its high speed).
Other Thoughts: There is a little too much complexity here. I can imagine trying to keep the nightmare avatars straight would be extra strain on the DM, and the skill challenge too seems a bit much. If there were some way to reduce these book keeping issues, you've got an excellent menace here.
Thanks - these are excellent comments!
I love the concept of a compound skill challenge, so I'm glad you liked it despite the complexity. This is one of those things where I knew exactly what I wanted conceptually, and would have no trouble running this as a DM, but getting the design down in a clear and elegant why was was the challenge (mostly but not completely successful I think). I think there is room in 4E for more involved, multi-level challenges like this and players will really enjoy them. I'm about to try and prove it because I'm planning to run some players through this adventure in a few days (hopefullly they don't read the DM boards... but I'll add a trap in case they do - that's right - watch out people...)
You are absolutely right that my entry doesn't tie up all the loose ends. I do mention that the authorities do not buy into the fact that there's a killer on the loose, and so they just aren't investigating the way you'd expect. So the Seven Families become the record keepers. As far as the party becoming aware of this - that would be a conversation with any key person in town including said authorities, but this could have been clearer.
If the party fails the skills challenge, I hinted at an alternative but didn't flesh it out much - I think I'll update my entry a bit to add more on this. The children know quite a bit about the killings - and some of them can sense when the killer is out and about. In my vision of this the Psychic Reaver will emerge more than once and just terrify people a bit before deciding upon whom to feed. The PCs could recruit the kids to help track it down (if they can convince them).
No problem in my opinion playing the Nightmare Avatars, because what happens is you will have multiple avatars about, but the PCs won't know which is the real creature from round to round since it can bounce to any position as a minor action (and it has that extra minor action to make sure it can keep moving and fooling them). To me this is just like having up to five monsters against the party, but you only need to have one attack - you would need to keep notes, but that's typical for my games. In this case I would use different minis for them, i.e. a bat, a werewolf, a snake, etc. and just note which is the real creature at the end of each of its turns. A smart party will try to eliminate these as quickly as possible, so you really are only likely to have to worry about two or so most rounds. In my head at least this will be a blast to play especially in a tight environment like a vault with lots of thinly walled over rooms etc. for the Reaver to retreat to. I'll know soon how it actually works in game...hopefully it won't be a 4 hour battle ending with a TPK!
Thanks - these are excellent comments!I love the concept of a compound skill challenge, so I'm glad you liked it despite the complexity. This is one of those things where I knew exactly what I wanted conceptually, and would have no trouble running t
At this level of detail, I may need to progress through this criticism stuff slowly...
Be that as it may, that's exactly the sort of thing I, and many others I am sure need/want to hear. Excellent critique, thank you.
Grammar wise: I do know most of the rules, but when I am working quickly or get excited I often make mistakes or mistype things. I'll try to be more watchful of this in the future.
Other comments: I agree, analysis of some of my past efforts (here and elsewhere) seem to confirm this general pattern. Reasonably strong central idea, but poorly supported. I wasn't quite able to grasp what was missing, so your comments are a great help. I'll take sometime to reflect on this one and hopefully the lesson will sink in, thank you.
I don't recall who wanted comments, so I'll try to post a few short ones for each entry later today & tomorrow.
Be that as it may, that's exactly the sort of thing I, and many others I am sure need/want to hear. Excellent critique, thank you.Grammar wise: I do know most of the rules, but when I am working quickly or get excited I often make mistakes or mistype
Okay, some comments in order of current listing: Take with a grain of salt.
Medalists Fangs in the Darkness: Not a lot to say here, this entry is probably one of the strongest of any of the competitions to date. I particularly like the ritual at the end of the entry and the introductory paragraphs are appropriately chilling. If this entry needs anything else maybe it could add some other ways of interacting with the cats outside of combat.
the Horror of Ohln: I very much like the deception through the first part of the entry. At first it seems the horror is a man made rite of some kind, but it turns out to be a magical being. I would like to know how the Psychic Reaver was created or how others could be. Compound skill challanges are an interesting idea and not too complex, but I wonder if this couldn't have been handled with a regular skill challenge.
Dark Mist on the Moon Tide: The first few paragraphs are an excellent draw, and make me want to hear more about what's going on. I would like to know why the undead will go to abnormal lengths to kill those who utter their names. The dragon encounter feels a touch tacked on as well. The ability to modify the adventure fits fairly organically and is a solid addition/inclusion.
A Vampire Despite Himself: I Love the twisting of the vampires/mirrors trope, ingenious and almost certainly yoinked for future useage. I would like to know how Davarroth knows of Aaron, do they have a pre-existing rivalry or does Aarons reputation precede him?The one thing I dislike is that the vampire isn't the true threat, he'd go through his day to day life if he wasn't being ordered about. Another thing I really like is that the false myth is created/perpetuated by the villian, a nice twist.
Okay, some comments in order of current listing:Take with a grain of salt.MedalistsFangs in the Darkness:Not a lot to say here, this entry is probably one of the strongest of any of the competitions to date. I particularly like the ritual at the end
If it's not too much trouble, would anyone mind taking a look at the idea I posted? I know I wasn't eligible to win anything, but it's nice to know what others think.
If it's not too much trouble, would anyone mind taking a look at the idea I posted? I know I wasn't eligible to win anything, but it's nice to know what others think.
Eligibility: The optional elements used were not explicitly stated, and since the image must be ignored, it is otherwise unclear that the bogle is a solo monster. In fact, I am not quite sure what the third element even is... the skill challenge? If this is the case, it is not quite fleshed out enough. (No success/failure, etc.)
Cohesion: This entry is easily adaptable into a campaign. I like that you specifically noted important information for the DM as well as including hooks and rumors.
Other Thoughts: You state in the rumors and clues section that every note is in the same handwriting, but in the description of the Bogle, you mention that they use the handwriting of the victim. Not world ending, but definitely confusing. Other than that, I note the simplicity of the entry. It's got only a single encounter (with terrain and tactics suggested), though that's not a bad thing. It's straight and to the point. If anything, you may want to simply add some details, personalize the Bogle by naming it or the like, flesh out more background. Also, you have an ambiguous skill challenge. Flesh it out!
Eligibility: You met quite a few of these elements. You already acknowledge the ambiguous nature of targeting "adolescents", but other than that, I have a hard time understanding why a good aligned spirit would continue to murder children.
Cohesion: You explicitly mention that you did not fully flesh out the adventure here. Something I might suggest is that you mention a skill challenge to convince Aord, but then fail to actually present the skill challenge. In some ways, I'm thinking your intention of leaving blanks for other DMs to fill in resulted in simply not enough information, or something not fully fleshed out enough to appease the judges.
Other Thoughts: I have a character named Illyria, and I was surprised to find a character with such a similar name. (Which is better, I suppose, than finding someone with an identical name in an actual forgotten realms book, which has happened, but I have seriously digressed) Regarding your background, your writing is perhaps not as clear as you might hope. I understand that Ilyra has gone insane at some point, but I can't quite pinpoint where this is supposed to have occurred. At any rate, it seems rather callous for a mother to drown her children so she can be with a lover, which leads me to believe she was already insane at this point, but that leads me to asking when she went insane in the first place (she has, by your own writings, just recently recovered from the death of her first husband). I guess what it boils down to is that I don't find Ilyra a very believable character.
Eligibility: Again, not explicitly stated, but for this entry I can quickly see that Colm is good, has an attack with the psychic keyword, and has replaced a body part. Please, please, please explicitly state these, it makes the entries much easier to judge in the context of the contest.
Cohesion: You've handled this pretty darn well. No direct criticisms, but see "other thoughts" below.
Other Thoughts: Dare I say that I like this better than some of the medal winners? I think I know why the judges didn't mark you higher though. Simply put, despite the quality (don't be so modest, this was excellent), I just don't see Colm as much of an Urban Menace. Don't get me wrong, I love the dichotomy between his religious devotions and his xenophobia, but why is Colm the menace? The lizardfolk were merely traders, not fighters. What I think you were attempting to do here was put the lizardfolk village at the forefront, with Colm menacing them, but you have not facilitated this well. Despite the fact that lizardfolk are usually seen as monsters, you have taken pains to sketch out what happens when the PCs begin to investigate Drake's Ferry, how the populace react to Colm and the like. In contrast to this, there is no mention of encounters within the Lizardfolk village, no notable Lizardfolk who would stand out in memory, or otherwise make a case for their continued existence. It would, perhaps, be interesting if you fleshed out the leader of this band of lizardfolk. Perhaps he (or she) requests an escort from the PCs while he approaches the town to parlay, and discover why the citizens are suddenly so militant. You have an excellent idea here, truly, but you simply did not cast it in the proper light for this competition.
Three more to go :P
Time to throw up my next 3. I'm still fishing for comments too :D[sblock=Horror in the Clocktower]Eligibility: The optional elements used were not explicitly stated, and since the image must be ignored, it is otherwise unclear that the bogle is a sol
To be perfectly honest, I had a lot of trouble even reading through your entry when you first posted it. It was simply incomprehensible to me at first. Looking back at it now, it doesn't quite seem to be as bad as I remember it, but it still has a few issues.
First off, you never directly state what a "Kittyrar" actually is until the lore section and stats, and instead you force someone reading the entry to slowly piece it together from scattered inferences throughout the story text. Actually, I was under the impression that Yeowwy was actually some kind of werecat with a human form at first, since the first description you give her is "changing into her kitten form". Because the existence of her vicious giant cat form is not even stated in the story, it never really seems vicious or intimidating. It is very easy to get the impression that a little girl's cute cat is trying to kill people...
Another huge problem is rooted in the names "Yeowwy" and "Kittyrar". Since you use the name Yeowwy from the very beginning, you give the impression that that name is her proper name given to he by other Kittyrars, not the name given to her by a cute elf girl (which makes the sentence "Oliassy named hr new pet Yeowwy" a bit disorienting). Also, while I understand that you took the concept from another source, the name "Kittyrar" undermines a lot of my ability to take this seriously. As you list in your entry, it is the name of something from a children's coloring book, not a name for a creature of horror. It works great as a name for Oliassy to use regarding Yeowwy (since she is a child and Yeowwy is harmless to her), but it doesn't work as the true name of her species.
Still, I will say that the concept of a young girl having a fierce beast for a pet is really good. It is so good that I wish you didn't base Yeowwy's killings on hunger and an Evil alignment. Instead, the idea you introduce that Yeowwy is simply eliminating anyone who harasses the little girl that she cares about is much better. You could give her an Unaligned or maybe even a Good alignment that way. I would also have had her reveal her true nature to Oliassy, and have Oliassy be a bit more aware of what is going on (though only through the naive and innocent perspective of a child). The idea of an innocent young girl with no concept of death or mortality who asks her strong pet to "make those bad bullies go away" is incredibly creepy and chilling. Emphasizing that aspect would have gone a long way to make this entry a lot better.
Overall, I would say that you need to simply refocus your description of the story from relating Yeowwy's tale to instead telling everything from Oliassy's perspective or the perspective of the town. That would add a lot more clarity and make the whole thing a lot more creepy.
Also, I need to say that your writing just needs some work. You really abuse a short, straightforward sentence structure, which makes reading through the story feel oddly mechanical and boring. Mixing up different sentence structures, with long and short sentences, may help that. Also, the incredibly distant third-person perspective that describes every characters actions with the same even tone hurts your descriptions, and really fails to capture the kind of emotions needed to make this tale interesting. A more limited third-person perspective, in which you narrate based on one character's or group's perspective, might have suited it better.
Finally, I just have to wonder what a young elf girl is doing with a reserved seat in the local tavern...
That wraps that one up. Next is Veok's, I think.
Alright, time to get around to this one.[sblock=Yeowwy the Kittyrar Criticism]To be perfectly honest, I had a lot of trouble even reading through your entry when you first posted it. It was simply incomprehensible to me at first. Looking back at it n
There is a very noticeable flaw that permeates this entire entry, but it is nebulous enough that I think I may have trouble describing it... At least your writing is pretty good. You use the accursed "funnel" lead-in (starting by talking about wide generic phenomena and bringing it down to what you actually want to talk about a few sentences in), but other than that your grammar and tone are good.
Overall, this entry feels like a giant party deathtrap that will inevitably lead to a TPK if the party acts reasonably. The entire set-up feels like a classic low-level D&D adventure. The party hears about a group of hobgoblins and bugbears threatening local villages around a forest that is famous for its ocre jelleys (level 3 monsters), and thus they decide to head into the forest to find out what is going on. Where they get attacked by Paragon level Rakshasas and a level 29 primordial slime queen. Seriously, you don't even consider the likeliest choice for the PCs when discussing their "likely" options (investigating the known hideout in the forest is far more likely than laying an ambush). If the party is mid-epic level already, then the entire thing is a laughable cakewalk until they actually run into the Witch, and if they are not then the PCs are dead. The level ranges are ridiculous.
I suppose you intended for the witch of the forest to be a recurring menace that the PCs struggle against across the length of a campaign, but the set-up is all wrong for that. This is presented as a simple "save the local villages" adventure with the main objective clear (the location of the villain's lair is known from the start), and there are no complications that even bring most of the "ooze-knight" plot into the forefront. Overall, the only way this makes sense as a recurring threat is if the PCs hear about the forest, charge in, die, get raised, raise their levels elsewhere, try again, die again, and repeat the cycle until they are Epic heroes.
Actually, the Witch doesn't even work well as an Epic level creature at all. At level 28, her power starts being comparable to archfiends like Orcus. She more closely resembles the kind of being you should be encountering in the depths of the Feywild's Underdark or in a giant ocean of slime floating through the Elemental Chaos, rather than in a mostly unremarkable creepy forest in the middle of a kingdom. And the Ooze-Knight you statted out has the power to be called a legendary weapon-master whose skill is almost unrivaled across an entire continent and whose fame precedes her wherever she goes, but you describe her as a fairly normal unknown figure who dreams of being a normal town guard. The Epic tier is the period in which the PCs have gone beyond the need to save small communities and have the might to save the entire world against forces beyond description. A lowly witch in a small forest who relies on random monstrous humanoids raiding farming communities doesn't rise up to that level, and is certainly not a destiny quest. The witch would work well if she was level 8, rather than level 28.
A much more minor problem is that your descriptions are a bit inconsistent, particularly regarding what is known to the people of the towns about the Drukai and what is in the Creeping Forest. It goes everywhere from "no one can prove the existence of the Drukai" to "you can confer with scholars to learn about the secret abilities of the Witch herself". I can't make heads or tails of it.
Finally, I think you are letting a few too many old concepts from 3E distort your descriptions and mechanics. You make more than a few implications that the Ooze-Knights should be built using the same mechanics as PCs (such as the reference to elite arrays and the like), but that goes against the spirit of 4E NPC design. It would have been a lot easier for both yourself and anyone making use of this menace if the Ooze-Knights were just statted out as a normal monster, rather than as a template that gets stacked on top of something (what exactly is Sirri? she can't be built with a class template, since that would be two templates and she would be a solo rather than an elite. she doesn't have any real base abilities either...).
And the last, final thing I have to ask is: Why does the Witch need to send out the Drukai on raiding parties at all? can't she jut turn the Drukai themselves into Ooze-Knights? If she even has Rakshasa at her disposal (who can take on any form and specialize in deception and espionage), then why does she bother turning humans into Ooze-Knights?
I am unsure with whether I will look over mccowen's entry or ff6shadow's entry next...
It is time for Veok's entry.[sblock=Witch of the Creeping Forest Criticism]There is a very noticeable flaw that permeates this entire entry, but it is nebulous enough that I think I may have trouble describing it... At least your writing is pretty go
great idea. prophecies are really hard to do though - railroading is often a big part in it. i had to find out the hard way with my current party.
If you've played Prince of Persia - Sands of Time, then that's a really good way to do Prophecies. Rather than say "I see you four here doing X" say "I see four figures, they stand *in front of dungeon obstacle*, they do *action to bypass obstacle* and then attack *monster on other side of obstacle*, i do not see the conclusion of this fight."
It doesn't matter if the PC's never go to that dungeon (for whatever reason) because it ovbiously wasn't them in the Prophecy, but on the other hand, if they do go to that Dungeon they might recognise the obstacle and thus will have a little hint about how to get past it, and what is waiting for them on the other side.
If you've played Prince of Persia - Sands of Time, then that's a really good way to do Prophecies. Rather than say "I see you four here doing X" say "I see four figures, they stand *in front of dungeon obstacle*, they do *action to bypass obstacle* a
This is a great plot. I think Ember does in fact make a suitable epic foe for most characters. She has a sufficiently menacing legacy and an interesting array of powers to challenge an epic-level party. For an epic adventure, Ember is remarkably adaptable. Humanoid raiders and an oozy forest are pretty easy to insert into most campaign worlds. I had a problem with some of your optional elements. First, she is not a solo creature as that is defined in this contest, because she is the leader of an organization – she leads both her Ooze Knights and the oozes of her wood. Second, since I consider her Ooze Knights part of her organization, her organization is not entirely made of oozes. Third, her preference for adolescents seemed pretty weak and tacked on. Nonetheless, you had three elements left over that I thought you did meet, so you did fine in the category overall.
I have a few plotting quibbles. First, I’m unclear how the party would think to interrogate the Drukai in such a way as to learn about Ember. I think it very likely that a party might fight the raiders and never even come close to discovering Ember’s identity. Second, handling humanoid raiders seems a bit below the pay grade of a party on the verge of ascension – it’s quite possible they would overlook the story hook altogether. It would have been better to introduce the Drukai at Heroic Tier, culminating in the discovery of the Ooze Knights (perhaps the leader of the Drukai is an Ooze Knight humanoid), the Ooze Knights at Paragon Tier, culminating in the discovery of Ember, and then facing down Ember in epic tier. This would also have allowed you to fulfill the optional element of allowing the menace to be a suitable foe for a party from first through 30th level. On that note, the sample Ooze Knight, Viper, doesn’t act like a 22nd level adventurer. She is in the Epic Tier and she’s still wandering around as a mercenary for hire? Her skill is now legendary and the party should have heard of her exploits. This is just a problem with the fact that you designed the encounter as a single adventure, when Ember really deserves to be an adventure series all her own.
Mechanically, this was a very ambitious entry. Not only did you make it epic level, you created a brand new unique monster, as well as a unique template and a skill challenge! My only rules issue is that her damage output seems pretty low. Her basic lash does 3d6+7 (mean 17.5), when the range should be 2d8+10 (19) through 4d8+10 (28). Her limited attacks should inflict between 4d10+9 (31) and 5d12+9 (41.5).
This is a good solid story with a nice easy hook and real stakes. An imp makes a perfect bogeyman and the entry seems well statted and balanced for a 2nd level party. I though your entry was clear and easy to follow. I have one substantive critique: there is no way to reverse the transformation. These are children, and I think the PCs are going to be pretty upset if they are forced to kill (euthanize) these innocent children (other than the two who had been poisoned) with no way to bring them back. I think including a ritual (or a skill challenge to forge or find a ritual) to reverse the transformation would have been a good addition to the entry.
Otherwise, my only real critique of the entry is the optional elements. First, 10-year olds are not adolescents. They are pre-adolescents. Second, Bortrund is not using the legend of the bogeyman to his advantage; he is merely embodying that legend. I don’t see how he gets any advantage from it.
Mechanically, his hp should be 80, not 74. As an elite, he needs some additional way to attack. You gave him one immediate interrupt encounter power. That is insufficient.
A very creepy menace! One of the things I like about this shadow dragon is the feline nature of the beast. I can imagine as a DM how I would describe to the PCs what they see when they come upon the “scene of the crime”. This has a very pulpy feel to it (that’s a good thing). One problem I had with the Skill Challenge, however, is that I was unclear on how these checks were leading the party to find the specific square in which the Ripper is located. Shouldn’t it simply lead the dragon to his lair in the basement of an old mansion? Also, I would have loved to have given something in the Skill Challenge that would allow the party to realize the villain is a shadow dragon, and not a humanoid. For example, one of the successes in Arcane, Nature or Religion may allow the PC to examine the crime scene and see that the victim was slashed by claws, not blades, and that the patterns in the entrails suggest draconic psychology. For the optional elements you selected, you did well, except that the Skill Challenge was unclear on how the party is getting the information from the successes involved.
Mechanically, his hp are too high (they should be 248). His AC is too high by 2. Some of his attacks are too high by +1. Unlike other dragons, he lacks an immediate reaction attack, which is absolutely necessary for a solo creature.
I loved this entry. This is not only a great entry for a first-timer, but a great entry even for a seasoned veteran. I hope you continue to produce great entries for this competition. You hooked me in with the very first line. It was engaging and dramatic and very very creepy. The fangcats are a great device, and I can completely see introducing them to the party at level 1 with no hint of them being anything other than a bit of flavorful fluff, while setting up the “rat swarm” as the real enemy. Then, by level 4, wham!, switch-a-roo, the cats are the enemy – there are no rats.
My only issue is two of the optional elements you chose. (You hit the pet one perfectly though.) Children are not adolescents. The menace is not “using” an urban legend, although it is benefiting from it.
That said, as this entry is one I am definitely going to steal for my 4th edition campaign, I am giving it my bonus point!
Aww… how cute. Aaagh! Get it off me! This was a funny entry, which, while entertaining, also means it’s not so adaptable. That said, it was a creative twist on the family pet and I enjoyed the entry. It suffers a bit by being the second cat-themed entry in a row. I also think you did not meet optional element 2. The element requires “several or all” pets to be more than they appear. You only have one pet, which is not “several or all”. Otherwise, a solid entry.
Kittyrar has too many hp (40 too many). Its Will defense is too low. And, like almost all the other solo creatures submitted it lacks an ability to engage multiple foes in one round.
A very strong entry. Yaratolzat definitely meets all the criteria and he is a cunning foe for epic-level adventurers to face. I had contemplated someone using the eye or hand of Vecna to meet the fake body part criteria, but it was a surprise to have it used by a dragon. The dragon’s motivation is clear and believable and the use of virgins for the sacrifice is a nice twist on a classic dragon trope. My only real critique was that I felt there was not a lot of “Menace” in the entry. This comes down to a fairly standard dragon encounter, with a bit of twist with respect to the attacks the dragon possesses. (On a mechanical note, I would probably have increased the dragon’s Intelligence score.)
Isn’t Padraig the name of the lord from Winterfell? Regardless, the assassin returned supernaturally to kill evildoers is a classic story from myth, legend and comic books, and I’m glad to see an entry that uses this basis. However, this fellow is usually a sort of antihero, not a villain who PCs would fight. I’m not sure why the town feels so terrorized by Mirigen, if he limits his attacks to the street-level thugs of the local thieves’ guild. Especially given the constabularies’ corruption, one would imagine the attacks being chalked up to vigilantism. So why would the PCs, who we assume to be generally decent folk, are going to want to work for the guild of cutthroats and assassins? Also, how are the PCs to know to look for Aden, the summoner’s ghost? I don’t see why they would engage in the first skill challenge.
Mechanically, I saw some minor issues. All the numbers seem to be off by a point or two (making it harder than other creatures of its level) and I can’t figure out why you did that. It seems like power creep.
You did not meet the first challenge, because his replaced body part is flesh. Nevertheless, you met the other four elements listed, so good job there!
This has just the right tone of creepiness and menace. I really enjoyed reading this entry. I was very happy to see that you tried to make this an appropriate challenge form 1st to 30th level. However, I am not sure how I was supposed to use that chart? Is it just a list of undead found in the game and the DM is supposed to decide which undead are appropriate for his party? I would have preferred a more specific recommendation for parties of different level, including 1st and 30th. Otherwise, I think you did a very good job!
This is a creative and intriguing entry. The bogle is a great concept for the Feywild and makes a great and very creepy menace for the community. It fits the theme of the contest perfectly. However, even forgetting that I am not allowed to judge the stat block, the entry seems unfinished. You only gave general guidelines for the skill challenge. These entries are supposed to be “ready to play” for novice DMs. Making them decide how hard a skill challenge should be is not in the spirit of the competition. In addition, you forgot to enumerate what optional elements you sought to meet. I’m guessing 1) Solo creature 2) from the Feywild, 3) with a Skill Challenge
A great and compelling ghost stories. Pathos is the essence of any good ghostly tale, and Ilyra has that aplenty. While I understand why you didn’t want to give details of your entry, I felt that made the entry suffer. You left too many holes for the DM to fill in himself, which makes the entry more difficult to use as a resource. As for the optional elements, I don’t see how Ilyra is particularly good as opposed to Unaligned. Adolescents are not children. However, the other four elements fit just fine, so no worries.
This is a tense and exciting adventure for a party. And what a great twist to have the community being menaced be the community of lizardfolk by the human community and Colm took me a few readings to understand that and when I did it really impressed me. (It doesn’t hurt that lizardfolk are one of my favorite humanoid races and have been since AD&D.) I wish you had enumerated the elements you were trying to meet. I’m guessing 1) Good aligned, 2) replaced body part, and 3) reduced speed? Overall, this was a very well-done entry and a contender, in my opinion.
Ah, Night of the Living Dead. I think 4th edition actually approximates the terror of a zombie horde as well as any edition before it and the addition of exploding zombies! Magnifique! I had a few issues with your optional elements. Since the necromancer is alive, and he is clearly part of his own organization, I don’t think you meet the “exclusively undead” or “slower than 6 squares” elements. Also, the necromancer has no affection for the priest of Pelor. He has a hostility for the priest! Also, I could have used a little more introduction, a little description of how terrified the townsfolk is. Perhaps the priest has been having nightmares of being eaten alive by his own parishioners! In short, a little more mood would have helped.
This had a very creepy evocative feeling. I really liked setting the attack during a holiday as it adds to the creepy mystery. Kudos on a very clever idea. I have a few criticisms. First, one murder a year doesn’t seem to heighten the stakes. If you had one death per day of Passaway, or perhaps one death, followed by two, followed by three, then you would have an increase in tension and further incentive to solve the mystery. Also, you never explained how the killing began. Did the psychic reaver appear in town on Passaway? Was it by design or accident? It seems you cut out some crucial back story for space. The “compound skill challenge” rule you devised is ingenious, but it wasn’t clear to me for the first few readings how it applies to your scenario. It appears that you encourage the party to split up and confront different families. I wish that had been clearer. You met the optional elements just fine.
This was a good tormented monstrosity story and the bet use of the good alignment element. I thought you hit three of the elements very well (I don’t think a vampire’s vulnerability to mirrors is an “urban legend”. An urban legend is not the same as a “myth”.) I had a few quibbles with your back story, though. If the mayor is the first to be attacked, and in his offices, nobody is going to think it a random killing. These are clearly targeted killings, and I would have liked to have known what the necromancer’s ultimate aim is. Why is he terrorizing this town? I’m also having trouble with the paladin giving into the necromancer’s threats. He’s killing an awful lot of innocents to protect his wife from torment, and I wonder how long he can do that and keep his Good alignment. Otherwise, solid entry!
I was wondering if someone would come up with a construct menace and I’m glad someone did. This is a good and unusual entry, with enough quirks and twists to keep players guessing. Even as they enter the clock tower, I doubt they would imagine the dungeon itself is alive! Nice! Part of the solution seems a bit obvious. When PCs enter a town with a strange landmark (like the clock tower) and then there is a seemingly unrelated occurrence going on, players are going to immediately assume the clock tower is involved. Otherwise, why have the landmark in the first place? So some of the mystery will disappear as soon as the PCs enter the town. Otherwise I felt this was a very strong entry. (Oh, and the menace is not a solo – it is part of an organization including its golem and construct swarm.
I have to say, I first found the financial description of the dragon’s plot fairly adorable. But if you strip the jargon from the entry, what you’re left with is a fairly standard draconic scheme: you extort a human into being your scout, you recruit minions (hobgoblins) to do your dirty work, while you sit back in your lair with your sycophantic guards (kobolds). The only difference is, instead of directly extorting the town, he’s conning the town in a sort of pied piper scheme (“They’ll pay me to rescue them from the mess I created”. While that’s a new twist on the draconic avarice, I think the dressing you put on the entry distracted from the theme. Also, it felt anachronistic (to say the least!) Also, the dragon is a solo monster, but the menace is a quite a literal organization (the dragon, hobgoblins and kobolds) of which the CEO is a solo monster. Also, having a human medium doesn’t seem to meet any of the elements.
As promised, here are my comments.[sblock= Veok's Witch of the Creeping Forest]This is a great plot. I think Ember does in fact make a suitable epic foe for most characters. She has a sufficiently menacing legacy and an interesting array of powers
Eligibility: Frankly, I think that your entry meets none of the design elements you included. The main necromancer, as far as I can tell, is the real menace, and he is neither undead, nor has a speed of 5 or less. Furthermore, I don't think an obsessive reaction to someone who ordered them killed qualifies as affection. The lack of these did not hurt your entry's content, but did probably cause you to lose points in the "theme" section.
Cohesion: This sets up a nice one-shot adventure, yet I see one problem. What's the hook? Why do the villagers turn towards the PCs in the first place? Heck, why do they even care? I like the idea that the location of the necromancer is completely dependent on them discovering his journal.Perhaps better would be for the PCs to arrive, raid in progress, with one "additional" rotburst zombie blowing up the door to the cathedral at the PC's approach.
Other Thoughts: Why do the zombies bother killing themselves? Their Rotburst attack appears to function identically whether they die from PCs or themselves. If that is the case, wouldn't it make more sense for them to use their slam attacks (I thought they had a knife, anyway?) and dish out as much damage as possible? They asplode the same either way. Another thing is that you don't really mention much about the town, the church, or the necromancer. I've mentioned this of a few other entries as well -- you've got a great basis, now flesh it out!
Eligibility:This is pretty good, like several others, I am not quite satisfied on your skill challenges. For example, when negotiating with Storris, what does a successful Insight check actually do? (1 per successful attempt) 1 what? Success? Does that mean succeeding on the 2nd insight check would count as 2 successes?
Cohesion: I like what you've done in turning the clocktower into a mini-dungeon. I have a couple of questions, however. What happens if the PC's attack Storris, assuming she is Mangler? Does she immediately retaliate or try to explain herself first? You've structured the encounters pretty well, though I assume the group of 4 swarms is the one with the Iron Defender.
Other Thoughts: I'm a little confused on how the Hidden Arcane Laboratory is supposed to fight. It does most damage with it's gear slash attack, but cannot move or bring foes into melee range with it's floor **** ability (the difference between push, slide, and pull). If the PCs stand at range and pepper the construct with spells and arrows, it severely dilutes the challenge of the encounter.Perhaps it would be a good idea to list what actions would cause the tower to notice the PC's interest.
Eligibility: I don't see how Mz. Esscher helps him fulfill any of the requirements. Your skill challenges however, are for the most part, good. Perhaps an actual explanation of complexity (does it even go up to 6?) is required, since various entries have used various success/fail rates based on (I believe) the fact that that bit of the books has been Errata'd.
Cohesion: I sorta like the multi-thread adventure you've woven here. There are several problems and lines of information for the PC's to deal with, and they can tackle them on in any order. Perhaps my only other comment would be that there is a noticeable dearth of combat, since it has been relegated to certain success/fail of the individual skill challenges.
Other Thoughts: As a student currently taking economics, your flavorful backstory proved both entertaining and mildly believable. At the same time, it doesn't really flesh out anything. It is merely fluff.
Allright. Now I can go back to soliciting criticisms of my own.
I find it enlightening to consider that Wrecan and I share many opinions.[sblock=No, YOU kill it]Eligibility: Frankly, I think that your entry meets none of the design elements you included. The main necromancer, as far as I can tell, is the real men
The element requires “several or all” pets to be more than they appear. You only have one pet, which is not “several or all”. Otherwise, a solid entry.
Kittyrar has too many hp (40 too many). Its Will defense is too low. And, like almost all the other solo creatures submitted it lacks an ability to engage multiple foes in one round.
Yeowwy is obviously the only pet in town and therefore qualifies for "all". (Yeah I guess I screwed that up.)
Hit points are correct I believe. Compare with Young Green Dragon which is also a level 5 Solo. Also compare the will defense to the Young Green Dragon. While the Kittyrar is lower, I don't think that is unreasonable.
Yeowwy is obviously the only pet in town and therefore qualifies for "all". :) (Yeah I guess I screwed that up.)Hit points are correct I believe. Compare with Young Green Dragon which is also a level 5 Solo. Also compare the will defense to the
This was a good tormented monstrosity story and the bet use of the good alignment element. I thought you hit three of the elements very well (I don’t think a vampire’s vulnerability to mirrors is an “urban legend”. An urban legend is not the same as a “myth”.)
As far as I know, the mirror aspect is more urban legend than myth. An "urban legend" is basically a modern myth as opposed to more traditional folklore, and since the lack of reflection is relatively recent (most authors take after Bram Stoker's interpretation of Dracula, whereas ancient vampires, particularly the Greek ones, could have a reflection), I figured that would qualify.
I had a few quibbles with your back story, though. If the mayor is the first to be attacked, and in his offices, nobody is going to think it a random killing. These are clearly targeted killings, and I would have liked to have known what the necromancer’s ultimate aim is. Why is he terrorizing this town?
Regarding the random-vs-targeted killings bit: First, they weren't random in the sense of walking up to someone in the street and stabbing them--they were all killings in doors and at night. However, he started with the mayor and worked his way down, so as the killings got closer and closer to the common people they inspired more fear. Second, they weren't systematic; he killed a bunch of officials in the town, but not all of them, and not according to any pattern (he killed those who ticked him off before, which wasn't obvious to the town). Yes, so far the killings were important people, but that could end at any time,
Regarding the necromancers' ultimate aim: Under The Method, it says "Davarroth then revealed his plan: to avenge slights against him by the government of Aaron's home town and of the whole kingdom." At the moment, he's simply going after petty revenge--no world domination plans...yet. I left big-picture motivations fairly vague, since they wouldn't come into play before the necromancer was killed...or if he somehow got away, that would be up to an individual DM and thus would need to be left to the individual campaign to decide.
I’m also having trouble with the paladin giving into the necromancer’s threats. He’s killing an awful lot of innocents to protect his wife from torment, and I wonder how long he can do that and keep his Good alignment.
The necromancer is still controlling him like any other undead; holding his wife hostage is simply insurance against Aaron trying to kill himself or do anything to undermine his plans. That and the stake prevent Davarroth from having to micromanage him 24/7, but he's still under control in the sense that he can be forced to attack targets and so forth.
And of course, if he dies as an undead he won't have a chance to redeem himself; as soon as he is safe and his wife is free, his goal is to reverse the vampirism and try to make up for his misdeeds. He may be a blood-thirsty undead controlled by a necromancer, but he still feels guilt and sorrow for those he has killed.
Otherwise, solid entry!
Thanks! :D I liked this contest; can't wait to see the theme for the next one.
Woohoo! Comments!As far as I know, the mirror aspect is more urban legend than myth. An "urban legend" is basically a modern myth as opposed to more traditional folklore, and since the lack of reflection is relatively recent (most authors take afte
I've reworked my entry so that it flows better. Should be easier to see the evil nature of Yeowwy. Also explains the kittyrar very early in the entry. For those who suggested changing her to Unaligned, while it would work for my entry it wouldn't match the original kittyrar creature. I wanted to keep as close to the original design for the creature as possible.
I've reworked my entry so that it flows better. Should be easier to see the evil nature of Yeowwy. Also explains the kittyrar very early in the entry. For those who suggested changing her to Unaligned, while it would work for my entry it wouldn't
I appreciate that a few examples of levels of play should have been used. My bad. The list of monsters was meant as a quick reference to other DM's that might run the adventure, with suitable links to monsters usable for PCs of any level.
I must say that I agonized over the included rituals. The "Sigil of Imprisonment" used three casters and I know I was scraping the edges of the rules to include it. I just couldn't include a ritual that powerful and not impose limits on it (Finding three casters all above the monsters level to work together). I never did like the idea of placing a dragon in the base of a tower with no reason for it being there other than to bite the adventurer that just happens to open the door 10 years after someone locked it. The "Ritual of Return" of course had to be included to complete the quest although it too had to be limited. A first level party with the desire to do good might be corrupted by a potential sell-off of 200,000GP worth of component and ritual.
The "Dark Mist" also troubled me in the judging. It had to attack at the characters level for it to be any sort of a challenge ranging over 30 levels. A semi consciousness that made it attack harder against a higher resistance is not unknown in a virus but there was no direct foundation I could find in 4ed.
I would say that those areas above cost me half of the writing time or more. Worth it in the end I guess. More than just the contest, I wanted to write an adventure that another DM might use if lacking an idea for a gaming night. The choice to write an adventure spanning any party from 1st through 30th level was not simply determined by the contest requirements. The choice was made in the hope that someone might actually play it. I figure it could be played out in a nights gaming if the players were traveling.
I invite further comment and criticism on my entry. Also I would dearly love to hear from anyone that might actually play it out.
Thanks Wrecan for the comments. I appreciate that a few examples of levels of play should have been used. My bad. The list of monsters was meant as a quick reference to other DM's that might run the adventure, with suitable links to monsters usable f
I am completely willing to discuss this with you, but not if you are uninterested.
Your move, Sirrah!
I am a bit confused. Do you mean you want me to post my criticism (which I did, which probably means you need to check the sblock), do you mean that you want to discuss this further (if so, I will gladly do so), or do you mean something else?
Anyways, I suppose I will do some more criticism now... I am sorry if these are not as fleshed out as my previous ones, but I am finding that I am coming up with less and less to say each time...
I like this one. It has a few flaws here and there, but overall the basic premise is sound. The vengeful spirit of a famous assassin is something that works wonderfully as a scary foe.
One complaint that I have is that the origin and nature of Mirigen's new form is a bit farfetched. The whole "accidental double portal" thing that results in Mirigen's revival by a total fluke is simply too complicated. It probably would have been better if the evil wizard simply made a failed attempt to revive or reincarnate the "legendary assassin" as a thrall under his power.
You really should have given a description of what Mirigen was turned into when you gave his origin story, since the way you have it now you simply mention the "turns into an insect swarm" as a throwaway line when the reader has no idea that he is connected to insects yet.
Your entry flows very clearly and logically, but it is strange that you put some statblocks behind sblock tags, but not others. It gets a bit confusing. Also, a "see stats below" note might have been nice when you referred to the Shadow Fey Shamblers in Mirigen's stats (I like that ability, by the way). The phrasing on Mirigen's "Multiple Minds" ability is a bit odd, since it seems to imply that stunning him results in a condition that he cannot suffer, which is a contradiction you probably didn't mean. It probably would have been better to phrase it as: "When Mirigen would be stunned by an attack, he is instead dazed. When he would be dazed by an attack, he will not be affected." Or something like that.
Since you have the whole set-up of Mirigen's own status as a "legendary assassin" being a false urban myth, I am surprised that you did not take more advantage of it in order to go for the optional element. Having the modern Feyshadow Assassin using clues from the rumors about his old self as a red herring to throw off pursuers would have been a cool touch, and probably could have resulted in a stronger skill challenge (to reveal the truth that the rumors were all false) than your current one.
I don't think the "find the dragon's lair" challenge really counts as "finding out valuable information", since you get the needed information regardless of success or failure, but I do like the challenge itself. This kind of challenge is a great way to handle the search for a lair, and I like the fact that failure adds to the difficulty, but doesn't stop the PCs from advancing forward.
I don't really think the whole "white dragons are not smart" myth works very well. All the emphasis on this "myth" weakens a lot of your writing in the beginning, and does more to distract for the sake of fulfilling an optional condition than it actually helps your story. Besides, elder white dragons may not be geniuses, but an Int score of 14 isn't exactly bad either.
Still, the basic premise of "white dragon with the Eye of Vecna trying to sacrifice maidens in order to become a dracolich" is really good for any D&D adventure. I also like the different possible outcomes you provide, based on how much time the PCs take to reach the lair.
Honestly, I have nothing to say here. This one is excellent. It is not really a proper Halloween entry, but it is otherwise very solid. Your writing gets all the important information across in a clear manner, and the basic premise is very interesting. I like it.
I think that is it for me... Unless I missed someone who already requested that I critique their work, I will call it done for this contest.
I am a bit confused. Do you mean you want me to post my criticism (which I did, which probably means you need to check the sblock), do you mean that you want to discuss this further (if so, I will gladly do so), or do you mean something else?Anyways,
My only issue is two of the optional elements you chose. (You hit the pet one perfectly though.) Children are not adolescents. The menace is not “using” an urban legend, although it is benefiting from it.
I would think that the words "children" and "adolescents" have some overlap, but I do admit that one was tacked on to try to actually fill out requirements. I created the concept before reading the optional elements, so fitting enough in became a challenge at times. It did lead to me creating the "Fangcats thought it was an adolescent but was really a halfling" character, though, which I am proud of.
Also, isn't the "using" vs. "benefiting from" distinction splitting a few hairs? I mean, the Fangcats made as much use of that legend as possible, even owing their existence to it, even if they never did so intentionally (since they were not quite intelligent enough to plan like that).
That said, as this entry is one I am definitely going to steal for my 4th edition campaign, I am giving it my bonus point!
That is probably the highest praise, so thank you. Unless I end up judging any of the next few competitions, I will certainly be entering them, so I will do my best to make more good entries.
I would think that the words "children" and "adolescents" have some overlap, but I do admit that one was tacked on to try to actually fill out requirements. I created the concept before reading the optional elements, so fitting enough in became a cha
Yeah, it was a thematic oops there- I was better off leaving the necromancer out, except for referencing him as a possible follow up to the adventure, since the menace was supposed to be the zombies, not the one making them. That and misreading "affection" for "obsession".
As for the self-stabbing bit, the zombies do a lot more damage with their explosion, and there's just something disturbing about a suicide bomber. Still not sure I got the mechanics down right as well- maybe a bigger blast area, different kind of damage, secondary effects, etc..
Oh well, at least I got to mutter "he he he, blam! ha ha ha."
Yeah, it was a thematic oops there- I was better off leaving the necromancer out, except for referencing him as a possible follow up to the adventure, since the menace was supposed to be the zombies, not the one making them. That and misreading "affe
@ Veok: I did realize it after I submitted that I could have probably spent more time fleshing out the back-story and that skill challenge mention was something I thought I edited out but apparently not >_> I was going to include one originally but then I realized I'm terrible at designing skill challenges, since I prefer to let skill use come from what the player does.
As for the name similarity, meh. I honestly don't read the Forgotten Realms novels despite now running a game in the 4E setting (neither me or my players are hardcore FR fans, but we enjoy the setting in it's new incarnation plus it saves me a lot of time I don't have for D&D right now). Not a huge deal, but consider this my disclaimer :P
Thanks for the insight, I'll put it to good use in the next competition I put an entry in for
@wrecan: I agree that my inability to flesh it out really hurt it in the end, much more than I thought it would. I didn't read the other entries until mine was submitted so I didn't unconsciously steal some of their ideas, but when I saw how much more detailed they were I cringed. Alas, no edits past 15 minutes
I'm glad you enjoyed the story I tried to tell with the menace, and will put what you've said to use in the future
So again, thanks both for giving this DM who has ridden through 10 years of DMing by winging it almost completely a chance to have some of his more concrete ideas critiqued :D
P.S. Despite coming in 10th I'm still very happy that my first entry scored above average. The entire placing between 3rd and 10th was being decided practically by decimals, MADNESS I SAY! MADNESS!
Thanks for the criticism wrecan, Veok.@ Veok: I did realize it after I submitted that I could have probably spent more time fleshing out the back-story and that skill challenge mention was something I thought I edited out but apparently not >_> I was
A very creepy menace! One of the things I like about this shadow dragon is the feline nature of the beast. I can imagine as a DM how I would describe to the PCs what they see when they come upon the “scene of the crime”. This has a very pulpy feel to it (that’s a good thing). One problem I had with the Skill Challenge, however, is that I was unclear on how these checks were leading the party to find the specific square in which the Ripper is located. Shouldn’t it simply lead the dragon to his lair in the basement of an old mansion? Also, I would have loved to have given something in the Skill Challenge that would allow the party to realize the villain is a shadow dragon, and not a humanoid. For example, one of the successes in Arcane, Nature or Religion may allow the PC to examine the crime scene and see that the victim was slashed by claws, not blades, and that the patterns in the entrails suggest draconic psychology. For the optional elements you selected, you did well, except that the Skill Challenge was unclear on how the party is getting the information from the successes involved.
Mechanically, his hp are too high (they should be 248). His AC is too high by 2. Some of his attacks are too high by +1. Unlike other dragons, he lacks an immediate reaction attack, which is absolutely necessary for a solo creature.
Thank you very much for this review. I'm glad the subtle feline and the intended creepy nature of the menace were appretiated. It's totally true that there are several skill challenges worth to notate, the location of the dragons lair, the investigating of the crime scene. I wasn't sure if including several skill challenges would distract from the dragon too much, i wasn't even sure if several skill challenges were allowed or intended in this contest. So i decided to include exactly one skill challenge which would be pretty unique to this menace.
On success in the skill challenge: The party found tracks, strange dark shadows, guessed the right alley and finally spotted the signs of the aura "Shroud of Night". They can tell that the menace has to be there within a few steps of this unnatural shadows.
Mechanically, i was pretty sure i designed it "right" without any numbers or abilitys being off. I'll look into that.
Thank you very much for this review. :) I'm glad the subtle feline and the intended creepy nature of the menace were appretiated. It's totally true that there are several skill challenges worth to notate, the location of the dragons lair, the investi
wrecan]This is a good solid story with a nice easy hook and real stakes. An imp makes a perfect bogeyman and the entry seems well statted and balanced for a 2nd level party. I though your entry was clear and easy to follow. I have one substantive critique: there is no way to reverse the transformation. These are children, and I think the PCs are going to be pretty upset if they are forced to kill (euthanize) these innocent children (other than the two who had been poisoned) with no way to bring them back. I think including a ritual (or a skill challenge to forge or find a ritual) to reverse the transformation would have been a good addition to the entry.
A very valid point I hadn't really considered. If I get a chance to make some edits - I'll see about adding that.
This is a good solid story with a nice easy hook and real stakes. An imp makes a perfect bogeyman and the entry seems well statted and balanced for a 2nd level party. I though your entry was clear and easy to follow. I have one substantive critique: there is no way to reverse the transformation. These are children, and I think the PCs are going to be pretty upset if they are forced to kill (euthanize) these innocent children (other than the two who had been poisoned) with no way to bring them back. I think including a ritual (or a skill challenge to forge or find a ritual) to reverse the transformation would have been a good addition to the entry.[/quote] A very valid point I hadn't really considered. If I get a chance to make some edits - I'll see about adding that.
wrecan]Otherwise, my only real critique of the entry is the optional elements. First, 10-year olds are not adolescents. They are pre-adolescents. Second, Bortrund is not using the legend of the bogeyman to his advantage wrote:
Otherwise, my only real critique of the entry is the optional elements. First, 10-year olds are not adolescents. They are pre-adolescents. Second, Bortrund is not using the legend of the bogeyman to his advantage; he is merely embodying that legend. I don’t see how he gets any advantage from it.
It sucks that you and I have a fundamental difference - but I guess I have to accept it - as I found at least one resource indicating an adolescent is between 10 and 15 years of age.
As for him "using it to his advantage" - I guess again that we're just disagreeing fundamentally. By being a "bogeyman" - no one is going to go looking for him. By being an imp - every adventurer worth his salt is going to go after him. Being a bogeyman is, in a way, better than being an imp here. Still - I don't think I explained that well enough.
wrecan]Mechanically, his hp should be 80, not 74. As an elite, he needs some additional way to attack. You gave him one immediate interrupt encounter power. That is insufficient.
Mechanically - Bortrund is an imp with the wizard template. Any deficiencies on his attributes are caused by the template and there's nothing in the template to indicate I should have don wrote:
Mechanically, his hp should be 80, not 74. As an elite, he needs some additional way to attack. You gave him one immediate interrupt encounter power. That is insufficient.[/quote] Mechanically - Bortrund is an imp with the wizard template. Any deficiencies on his attributes are caused by the template and there's nothing in the template to indicate I should have done more.
A very valid point I hadn't really considered. If I get a chance to make some edits - I'll see about adding that.It sucks that you and I have a fundamental difference - but I guess I have to accept it - as I found at least one resource indicating an
It sucks that you and I have a fundamental difference - but I guess I have to accept it - as I found at least one resource indicating an adolescent is between 10 and 15 years of age.
the definition of adolescents is a part of culture, and varies today between countries as well as between now and in the medieval times.
in a nomadic (or orcish) tribe you might be considered an adult when you are capable to hunt for yourself, which might be as early as 12-14 years - not an adult at all by my standard.
adolescents are everything before that and after ending childhood, and i believe one of the starting factors is to hit puberty. which nowadays can happen between 8 and 15... sometimes even earlier.
so, really, it's a hard factor to decide what age meets that criteria. in our modern time, i'd say once the kid can go shop on its own, it's an adolescent. this might be as early as 6-8 years.
the definition of adolescents is a part of culture, and varies today between countries as well as between now and in the medieval times. in a nomadic (or orcish) tribe you might be considered an adult when you are capable to hunt for yourself, which
To give you an idea of what I was looking for in the "adolescent" category, (which is too late now, I know) was teenagers in the sense of the usual victims of most horror slasher movies from Halloween to Nightmare on Elm Street to the Scream and Scary Movie spoofs. Kids who would be victims of a childhood bedtime story are immature, almost by definition. The distinction to me is a physical one -- related to when individuals become sexually active or physically mature (i.e., on the verge of being physically capable of dealing with the menace)
To give you an idea of what I was looking for in the "adolescent" category, (which is too late now, I know) was teenagers in the sense of the usual victims of most horror slasher movies from Halloween to Nightmare on Elm Street to the Scream and Scar
And, like almost all the other solo creatures submitted it lacks an ability to engage multiple foes in one round.
I thought maybe this would make sense after reading the other entries. Doesn't the Flurry ability which allows four claw attacks count as engaging multiple foes.
I thought maybe this would make sense after reading the other entries. Doesn't the Flurry ability which allows four claw attacks count as engaging multiple foes.
I thought maybe this would make sense after reading the other entries. Doesn't the Flurry ability which allows four claw attacks count as engaging multiple foes.
yes and no: while it allows to engage 4 clustered enemies, you have no real ability to hit two creatures which stand apart.
yes and no: while it allows to engage 4 clustered enemies, you have no real ability to hit two creatures which stand apart.
Witch of the Creeping Forest: The opening paragraph doesn't really do this justice, it introduce the pieces but could use more atmosphere. As others have said the witch is cool, but her goals are small for one of her power.This also holds true for the slime knight as well. Stat wise most of the witches powers are standard actions , some minor or move action abilities would be a nice addition and would certainly help her fill her role. The witch in the forest is certainly a classic trope and the slime connection is a nice twist. The skill challenge has a nice twist with the random snippets(but what happens if you roll the same twice?) but dislike the automatic results. Most of my gripes are minor, overall one of the stronger entries (again. I thought you were a frontrunner last time too.).
The Bogeyman: Firstly, a little Imp taking this role is both ironic and appropriate, nice touch. I dislike the fact that the children will likely have to be killed, it feels very unheroic and to be honest disgusting. The general plot is fairly well done and plausible enough. I actually like the shortness of this entry as it gives just enough detail describing the menace, the involving players section could use a touch of work though.
Snorr the Ripper: I had this pegged for a medal, it is certainly one of the best usages of a dragon that I've seen and an excellent way to integrate one into a more urban campaign. I would like a clue to determine the type of wounds in the victim, perhaps a nature check would show that it was claws and not weapons. Your skill challange is fairly well executed. This entry feels short, I would like more info on Snorr and shadow dragons in general.
Yeowwy, the Kittyrar: Firstly, the name (of the threat and entry) is fairly out of line with the theme, a more serious one would have served you better. The cat's malicious intellect is nice, I think it should be played up further. Some explanation of why a little girl has a seat at the tavern would be good, perhaps a parent works there or she's friends with the bartender? With the feline's keen intellect a motivation greater than meeting a basic need would have been nice to see. Given that the cat can be reasoned with a skill challenge to convince it to stop or even aid/repay the town would have been a nice addition as well.The basic premise is solid enough, but is hurt by the shortness and immediately following another cat entry.
I apoligize for the shortness of my comments, I am somewhat pressed on time at the best of times, but will make every effort to finish my critiques today.
More Critiques:Witch of the Creeping Forest:The opening paragraph doesn't really do this justice, it introduce the pieces but could use more atmosphere. As others have said the witch is cool, but her goals are small for one of her power.This also hol
Hey, TB. Have you been receiving my PMs about judging and receiving your custom title?
Yes I have. I thought I replied to the one about the custom title, too...
As for the judging, I would reply, but I am still a bit uncertain about whether or not I want to judge that particular kind of contest. At present, I may be better off using the chance to enter the contest so I can hone some of my mechanical skills first (I don't yet know the 4E rules as much as I would like). Still, if you come up short on judges, just PM me and I will gladly help out.
Yes I have. I thought I replied to the one about the custom title, too...As for the judging, I would reply, but I am still a bit uncertain about whether or not I want to judge that particular kind of contest. At present, I may be better off using the
Ack. You did reply. My apologies. It's decapitus who's disappeared. Yoo hoo! Decapitus!
I'm here and have responded to your PM. Thanks!
TB - I did volunteer to judge the next one, so wrecan's got at least one willing judge queued up for XDMC #5.
Sagelyone - since I didn't see any thoughts on your posted idea "The Dark" here are mine: Obviously it is hard to say much since you presented what is really only a draft of an idea, but I did find this to be a worthy idea to flesh out. Your menace is interesting being a creature intended to be bound to serve a wizard but free and aimless. However, you only really provide detail on the deceased wizard's needs, motives, and intentions. What you need to do is shift focus on the menace itself - what exactly is this creature? What can it do? What exactly does it want? That would make this much more compelling. If you leave the detail about the wizard in to the extent that it is more than what is needed as background for the DM to understand the creature - then you should justify that material by making it relevant to the adventure in other ways. For example, if the key to defeating the creature lay in using some information or item left behind by the wizard. Hopefully, you get what I'm saying...
Ironically - as I write this I realize, as folks have mentioned, this was the weakness in my own entry. I didn't bring enough focus to clearly explain background for my Psychic Reaver.
Why? Because I set my initial focus on a Holiday! Then I designed my entry from there. Coming at an entry sideways like this, I think can be effective (it did medal), but lesson learned, doing this means you still have to be sure the topic of the contest, in this case the menace, is fully developed as well!
I'm here and have responded to your PM. Thanks!TB - I did volunteer to judge the next one, so wrecan's got at least one willing judge queued up for XDMC #5.Sagelyone - since I didn't see any thoughts on your posted idea "The Dark" here are mine:Obvi
yes and no: while it allows to engage 4 clustered enemies, you have no real ability to hit two creatures which stand apart.
I wondered if that is what he meant. Quick look through the Dungeons and MM finds:
Sinruth, Hobgoblin Chieftain in Dungeon #156 had only a close 1 power. Animated Carriage from the same issue only has reach. Fen Hydra only has threatening reach. Purple Worm only has reach.
Haven't had a chance to scan the dragon mags. I thought that might be a deficiency to the kittyrar. I'll have to think about it some more.
I wondered if that is what he meant. Quick look through the Dungeons and MM finds:Sinruth, Hobgoblin Chieftain in Dungeon #156 had only a close 1 power. Animated Carriage from the same issue only has reach. Fen Hydra only has threatening reach. P
As promised, here are my comments. Athistaur's Snorr the RipperShow
[...] Mechanically, his hp are too high (they should be 248). His AC is too high by 2. Some of his attacks are too high by +1. Unlike other dragons, he lacks an immediate reaction attack, which is absolutely necessary for a solo creature.
I looked into these mechanical differences and want to explain why i choose the values like i did:
I used the "Creating new Solos Chapter" as far as possible. (DMG; p 185) I based the shadow dragon of the black dragon(level 4 lurker)(MM; p 75)
"To high Hitpoints" The formula for HP for Solos is on DMG; p 185. ((8*(Level+1))+(con_score))*4 = 256 It looks like we're off by the little +1 next to level.
"To high To-Hit and AC" I used the Values for the Black Dragon(level 4 Lurker) as Base. And adjusted the values using the "Increasing or Decreasing Level Guidelines" (DMG; Page 174) Basicly increasing those values by 1. I understand that this differs from the formula on page 185.
"Lack of immediate reaction attack" I didn't know that this should be necessary for a Solo. I failed to recognize such a hint in the books. I couldn't even find it necessary for a dragon, and i was afraid Snorr would become to strong if blessed with some tail attack.
However, if this is necessary then the following Solo Monsters in the DMG are flawed as well: - All blue Dragons (MM; p 78-79) - All white Dragons (MM; p 84-85) - Berbalang (MM; p 34 (no attack, but still immediate power)) - All Hydras (MM; p 164-165) - All Purple Worms (MM; p 214) - All Umber Hulks (MM; p 256) - Beholder Eye Tyrant (MM; p 32) - Primordial Naga (MM; p 195) - Gibbering Orb (MM; p 127)
The only Solo Monsters with an immediate reaction attack are: - All black Dragons (MM; p 75-76) - All red Dragons (MM; p 82-83) - All green Dragons (MM; p 80-81) - Dracolich (MM; p 72-73) - Orcus (MM; p 206)
I fear i look picky about this point . That is not what I want. I want to have insight why an immediate reaction attack would be required for a solo creature.
I looked into these mechanical differences and want to explain why i choose the values like i did: I used the "Creating new Solos Chapter" as far as possible. (DMG; p 185)I based the shadow dragon of the black dragon(level 4 lurker)(MM; p 75) "To hig
I didn't mean it had to have an mmediate reation power so stritly. I meant it needs a way to deal with multiple foes in a round. Otherwise, it gets pumeled in between its actions.
"A solo reature represents five creatures in combat, so it needs a number of ways to take additional actions. It also needs more ways t use powers on its own turn and to interfere with the characters." -DMG p. 185
I didn't mean it had to have an mmediate reation power so stritly. I meant it needs a way to deal with multiple foes in a round. Otherwise, it gets pumeled in between its actions. "A solo reature represents five creatures in combat, so it needs a
Ah, allright. Well, i discarded a tail attack in favor of his other (non-attack) abilities. I was afraid he would deal TOO much damage in a good round if blessed with a further attack and "abusing" this attack to focus all on one target.
So if i throw a tail attack in there, it shouldn't be able to be used on the same target as "Dragon Fury". This would indeed be acomplished by an immediate reaction attack, so the dragon can't choose his target, but the target provoces the attack by his actions.
Fitting to the theme would be an attack if someone is sneaking nearby.."Tail Strike from the shadows", but needlessly punishing rogues mostly.
Maybe a "Tail whip" if he is attacked by someone who is flanking...
Ah, allright.Well, i discarded a tail attack in favor of his other (non-attack) abilities. I was afraid he would deal TOO much damage in a good round if blessed with a further attack and "abusing" this attack to focus all on one target.So if i throw
*sighs*...... All these exact values on attacks need to be based upon encounter and not the structure of the Solo creature. I understand the nature of 4ed is to try to make it easier to create such encounters (and it does a great job of it) but in the end the entire encounter needs to be taken into account. If a solo monster has no area attacks but has the ability to control creatures then it would seem to trade off evenly if it had the ability to control enough creatures to damage in a wide area. I understand that in a contest we need to follow the rules but never lose sight of the fact that the true objective of the DM is to create a balanced encounter to challenge his players in the overall campaign. This is a competition though and not a campaign.
To be clear. I accept the decision of the judges. For the contest the rules are paramount. In a created campaign or creature the writer must follow the to the best of his or her abilities the stated rules relating to constructed monsters. Examples of official monsters that break the rules don't qualify to excuse something that can't be determined by the written rule.
I accepted earlier that I pushed the rules as far as I could to make rituals to fit my entry. I also accepted that by doing so i could jepardize the judging.
Sometimes that is the nature of a good story. Bend the rules as far as you can and let others judge if you went too far.
*sighs*...... All these exact values on attacks need to be based upon encounter and not the structure of the Solo creature. I understand the nature of 4ed is to try to make it easier to create such encounters (and it does a great job of it) but in th
to be honest: with 4e, i'm having some troubles with the contest rules and encounters. i'd really love to include a hand-made map or further details of the surroundings. encounters thrive on the surroundings, and there's not that many options to picture it without using an external source or it getting ugly.
[FONT="Courier New"] #.a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z 1 2 3| -----------------------------------------------------------| A|. . . o o o o o o o o . . . .|. . . X X X X X . . . . . .| B|. . . . o o o o o o . . . . .|. . . X . . . X . . . . . .| C|. . . . . . . . . . .o.o. . .|. . . X . . . X . . . . . .| D|. . . . . . . . . .o.o.o. . .|. . . . . . . . . . . . . .| E|. . . . . . . .o.o.o.o.o.o.o.|. . . . . . . . . . X X X X| F|. . . . . .o.o.o.o.o. . . . .|. . R . . . . . . . . . . .| G|. . . . .o.o.o.o.o. . . . . .|I T X X X X . . . . . . . .| H|. . .o.o.o.o. . . . . . . . .|G . . . . . . . . . . . . .| I|. . .o.o.o. . . . . . . . . w D . . . . . . . . . . . . .| J|. . .o.o. .m.m. . . . . . . A w . . . W . . X . . . . . .| K|. . .o.o. .m.m. . . . . . . w w . . . . . . X X X . . . .| L|. . .o.o. .m.m. . . . . . . w w . . . . B . X . . . . . .| M|. . .o.o.o. . . . . . . . . w w . . . . . . X . . . . . .| N|. .o.o.o.x.x. . .o.o. . . . .|. . . . . . . X . . . . . .| O|.o.o.o.o.x.x. . .o.o. . . . .|X X X X X . . X . . . . . .| P|.o.o.o. .x.x.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.|. . X . . . . . . . . . . .| Q|.o.o. . . .o.o. . . . . . . .|. . X . . . . . . . . . . .| R|.o. . .x.x.o.o. . . . . . . .|. . . . . . X . . . X X . .| S|. .x.x.x. . . . . .o.o.o. . o|. . . . . . X . . . X . . .| T|. .x.x. . . . . . .o.o.o. . o|. . . . . . X X . . . . . .| U|. . . .o.o.o.o. . . . . . . o|X X X X X X X X . . . . . .| ------------------------------------------------------------ A..Azuvir B..Barandor R..Brag I..Ignatius G..Geki K..Kobold Skirmisher M..Kobold Minion T..Irontooth W..Kobold Wyrmpriest D..Kobold Dragonshield x..Boulders in the shallow River (difficult terrain) o..Trees (provide cover) w..Waterfall (entrance, difficult terrain) ..Water (fluff, removed for map readability) m..Magic Circle (+1 to-hit) X..Wall [/FONT]
while it's usable, it's far from nice, not really printable, hard to use as a layout/plan in an actual game. it's just the easiest to do in a forum, but i'd really like to be able to use different stuff as well.
to be honest: with 4e, i'm having some troubles with the contest rules and encounters. i'd really love to include a hand-made map or further details of the surroundings. encounters thrive on the surroundings, and there's not that many options to pict
TB - I did volunteer to judge the next one, so wrecan's got at least one willing judge queued up for XDMC #5.
Sagelyone - since I didn't see any thoughts on your posted idea "The Dark" here are mine: Obviously it is hard to say much since you presented what is really only a draft of an idea, but I did find this to be a worthy idea to flesh out. Your menace is interesting being a creature intended to be bound to serve a wizard but free and aimless. However, you only really provide detail on the deceased wizard's needs, motives, and intentions. What you need to do is shift focus on the menace itself - what exactly is this creature? What can it do? What exactly does it want? That would make this much more compelling. If you leave the detail about the wizard in to the extent that it is more than what is needed as background for the DM to understand the creature - then you should justify that material by making it relevant to the adventure in other ways. For example, if the key to defeating the creature lay in using some information or item left behind by the wizard. Hopefully, you get what I'm saying...
Ironically - as I write this I realize, as folks have mentioned, this was the weakness in my own entry. I didn't bring enough focus to clearly explain background for my Psychic Reaver.
Why? Because I set my initial focus on a Holiday! Then I designed my entry from there. Coming at an entry sideways like this, I think can be effective (it did medal), but lesson learned, doing this means you still have to be sure the topic of the contest, in this case the menace, is fully developed as well!
Thanks for the feedback, but the comments about it lacking detail and background were unnecessary. Had I time and will to fabricate those details I'd have made a full entry. I just wanted to tell a sort of horror story as a raw idea, and maybe get a bit of creepiness going.
Thanks for the feedback, but the comments about it lacking detail and background were unnecessary. Had I time and will to fabricate those details I'd have made a full entry. I just wanted to tell a sort of horror story as a raw idea, and maybe get a
Before I begin, I will tell you, I'm not a fan of the rules as a whole and believe that they should only be used as a last resort. My judgment was based almost solely on the details. Thematic Creativity could be my battle cry. That said, here's what I saw.
Using the Drukai to accomplish the hard work is pretty well the only use of low level level monsters, but making them useful at such high levels would be a stretch. What interested me about this entry is the Ooze knights. The use of any youth that seemed to have the abilities to eventually challenge the witch is a smart idea and one that will see use in my campaign at some point.
The amount of work you put in left little room for question, but there's still room for changes should a campaign require it.
An explanation of how you tied the optional elements in would have been nice. I found and agreed with enough of them that you didn't lose points for not having met the requirements, but it nice if we don't have to look for it.
This is one of the best entries here, it just wasn't as creepy as the theme dictated.
Ah the bogeyman. The idea that imps would use the idea to wreak a bit of havoc is a funny idea and not too far out of sight.
My question about this one is: wouldn't people put two and two together and simply stop invoking the name?
With that out, I have to say that this is a perfect low level campaign to get a new group of people used to the game. Leaving the party to be the ones to figure out that it's the mention of the Bogeyman that makes the kids vanish is okay with a younger or newer group.
You did a great job of making an encounter that is useful to everyone.
The shadow dragon is the ultimate menace. My favorite part of it is how easy it is to assume the terror is somewhat more a humanoid persuasion. This is a monster that I would use in a campaign with a group that metagames to make it's preparations. I'd wager they wouldn't expect a dragon and it would be an incredible fight to run.
The skill challenge you put together is okay. If I were to use it, I would create a few more steps and I would let individual party members pursue different avenues.
I would have liked to see a concrete foil for Snorr. Someone that the public assumed was behind the murders and someone the PCs could chase down as a bit of wasted time. That's something that's easy enough to add if it's wanted. It was something that I expected to see and sort of missed.
This went above and beyond what I was expecting out of the theme that we'd laid out. You seemed confused at what made it so great. First of all, as I said earlier, it fits the theme to a “T”. However, it's also a cleverly written mystery with the perfect foil and a rubber villain. It's easy to see how the town would fear that the rats were back, given the history of the place. That they wouldn't think beyond their fear and worry is unfortunately a very human thing to do, and the fact that they all believe it so firmly will easily convince the PCs of it's veracity as well.
The villain, in this case, the cats, have the perfect shield. They do, after all, keep the rats at bay. It's fun to think of how the people would go into a sort of feline frenzy and start breeding these Fangcats like crazy, compounding the problem. It would give my players a very sick feeling to know that the cats they decided to keep alongside them as animal companions in this town of marauding rats could turn on them any night. It's true that people don't feed mouser cats as much, to keep them “sharp” which exacerbates the problem.
You thought of everything in making these cats the perfect villain. When I was reading through, I couldn't think of a single nitpick in the detail. That's how you did so well in my book. Well done and congratulations.
You had a great idea here, I just wish you'd have included more detail. Everything comes back to that.
To begin with, the idea is a neat one. I have to say I like the idea of a six legged cat, and the headbite skill is almost silly...almost. It reminded me of that inspirational poster with the cat with huge teeth. I think the caption was something like, “A d3 bite attack, it's harmless, really”
As it is, it's a very forward, protective sort, but it wouldn't take much to make it a very sinister pet to an off kilter little girl.
This idea has a lot of potential. It's my hope that now you don't have a deadline, you'll take and flesh it out.
An intelligent white dragon does make for a fearsome menace, especially among those that metagame. I like to change monsters up just to keep people from becoming too complacent.
Though he is a greedy, evil and a dragon of above average intellect, I felt a bit sorry for Yaratolzat's situation. The idea of a dragon, or anyone really, becoming undead in order to keep from being killed is a disturbing and hilarious proposition.
This is one of the few of these that I would use in a campaign “as is”. The only things I could add would be things that would be specific to my party.
The only reason that this didn't score higher was that it didn't fit the Halloween theme as much as some others did.
This guy was more like Batman than anything, seeing as how he only targets thieves and assassins. If you had a party full of lawful good characters that were more about protecting any form of life, he would be a decent villain that could lead to some good should we/shouldn't we roleplaying. My group wouldn't waste too much thought on the snuffing of lawbreakers. He would more likely be a comrade to them.
To make this a menace that more would worry about, you could include the fact that he doesn't always target those that he remembers were his enemies. Maybe there are times when he's crazy enough and pained enough that he just lashes out at whoever happens to be around. This would make him more of a threat that PCs wouldn't have any qualms putting down.
The character concept is a good one that I would use in a game bent toward heavy roleplaying.
I read this entry in the middle of the night and it gave me the creeps. I don't mind saying my cat scared the crap out of me when she jumped on the desk as I was reading it. This is my favorite entry in terms of capturing my imagination. I love a good ghost story as much as anyone and you did a great job here.
The PC's would be hooked from the first night the innkeeper gathered them around the fire to the time they closed the gate.
This fit the theme well and it's a story that you can get involved in. I know that my group would get caught up in not only the story of the wizard, but the story of the people that died in the field. What you have here is a simple encounter, but it could easily turn into a quest for story thirsty characters.
I liked the inclusion of the chart of undead. That would make the job of looking for monsters easier on someone that's looking for an idea for a game an hour or two hence. This entry was well done.
Clever use of the Bogle here. I think the idea of a town wide riot centered on old dirt is a funny thing to spring on players as they arrive at town. There were some things missing, such as the elements you attempted to meet. The skill challenge could have used a little more fluff to it, at least some numbers to get it started.
I loved the player hooks. Unfortunately, I have a player that would go on a quest for a “hot elf” especially if I mentioned he looked like Orlando Bloom. Whatever gets them going, I suppose!
I liked this entry and it's one I would use with a little tweaking.
This is a very twisted Victorian style horror story that my players would enjoy. I loved the story and how she thought that killing her children would make Arod think of wedding her.
There are some things that I would have liked to see added to make it easier on a DM that wanted to use it. Given the time to tweak it though, I can see how this would be useful to many.
Colm is a well thought out villain. He made me mad just reading about his mistreatment of the lizardfolk. This would rally my PCs to arms faster than anything. He's easy to empathize with, having lost so much to the lizardfolk, but there's enough malice to make him a worthy opponent.
I like that you made the monsters the victims and the villain human. It's nice to see the lizardfolk vindicated a bit.
I was hoping for an Evil Dead type entry. I love the idea of exploding zombies that poke themselves when they get within combat range, and the inclusion of zombies in breastplates added well to the comedic effect of the entry. A little more story here would have been good, but it's nothing that a DM couldn't write in in a few minutes time.
Your optional elements were somewhat shaky, but I think you probably knew that to some extent. The idea is one that is easily included into any campaign and it would be a delightful addition. I always love to read your entries.
This was one of my favorites. The holiday aspect with the joy undercut by such a desperately gloomy undertone gives me a sort of unhealthy glee. I would have liked to see more about the seven families, though in the same spirit, if I decided to use this, I would probably change some stuff anyway.
You more than any other used the “targets only adolescents” element in a natural manner.
Your entry fit the theme well and is easily put into any campaign without much adjustment. My only gripe with this one is that it could have used some more fluff concerning the families and their internal relationships. Also, what of the family whose vault houses the Reaver? How are they viewed among the other families and the town folk as a whole?
This is the best attempt to make a good aligned entry. He wouldn't stay good aligned for long though. What I would like to know is what would keep Aaron from killing his wife to get her out of Davarroth's hands and reviving her safely later?
True his paladinhood would take a hit, but it would be better than killing over and over again. Especially considering that the one murder he committed would be to free someone from the worst sort of evil.
That said, the use of mirrors as an escape hatch is a wonderful idea even though rather than an urban legend, it's an integral part of the vampire's mythological structure.
There aren't many nitpicks here other than the part about why he keeps killing and how long he will be able to remain a paladin.
I like the idea of a “living” dungeon. I would have gone with the people being suspicious of the tower, without being able to do anything about it. My players would immediately suspect the tower should something strange be going on.
I was waiting for a Frankenstein type of monster and this construct does well, though it doesn't have the intelligence that Frankie had.
I love how the tower itself took on it's builder's goals of isolationism. It's especially well done considering that the more it acts out, the more it's talked about, which makes it act out even more. Very smart entry!
I love the dragon as a corporate suit idea. Who says you can't teach an old dragon new tricks? I think his methods are ingenious just because we can see how well they work in the real world.
That said, I would have waited to put this into a more Christmas-y type challenge. This is Ebenezer Scrooge taken to the nth power.
You made me laugh out loud, which I love. I thought that this was one of the better entries just on creativity. It's really the same old dragon up to the same old tricks, but it's the way he gets up to his shenanigans that makes him endearing.
Also, I want to say thanks to all of you that used the Skill Challenge element in your entries. We put that element in because there were people creating threads asking how to put together a skill challenge and you all provided some great options and ideas. Congratulations all around! Hope to see you all next time!
And now my comments!Before I begin, I will tell you, I'm not a fan of the rules as a whole and believe that they should only be used as a last resort. My judgment was based almost solely on the details. Thematic Creativity could be my battle cry. Tha
You had a great idea here, I just wish you'd have included more detail. Everything comes back to that.
To begin with, the idea is a neat one. I have to say I like the idea of a six legged cat, and the headbite skill is almost silly...almost. It reminded me of that inspirational poster with the cat with huge teeth. I think the caption was something like, “A d3 bite attack, it's harmless, really”
As it is, it's a very forward, protective sort, but it wouldn't take much to make it a very sinister pet to an off kilter little girl.
This idea has a lot of potential. It's my hope that now you don't have a deadline, you'll take and flesh it out.
Everyone seems to want the girl to be off kilter. I've already redone the entry so it is more fleshed out now. I still haven't made the girl know what's going on because I wanted her as nice and innocent. That way the party feels bad for upsetting her by killing her kitten.
Everyone seems to want the girl to be off kilter. I've already redone the entry so it is more fleshed out now. I still haven't made the girl know what's going on because I wanted her as nice and innocent. That way the party feels bad for upsetting
This is the best attempt to make a good aligned entry. He wouldn't stay good aligned for long though. What I would like to know is what would keep Aaron from killing his wife to get her out of Davarroth's hands and reviving her safely later?
True his paladinhood would take a hit, but it would be better than killing over and over again. Especially considering that the one murder he committed would be to free someone from the worst sort of evil.
That said, the use of mirrors as an escape hatch is a wonderful idea even though rather than an urban legend, it's an integral part of the vampire's mythological structure.
There aren't many nitpicks here other than the part about why he keeps killing and how long he will be able to remain a paladin.
Like I mentioned in response to wrecan's comments, the mirror thing is actually fairly recent, relatively speaking. Bram Stoker was the first to really make the mirror thing popular; most ancient peoples didn't do anything with mirrors, so I considered that sufficiently modern for an urban legend.
As to why he keeps killing: He's still controlled by the necromancer, just not constantly. If he tried to escape, he'd still get killed, meaning he wouldn't be able to atone and the necromancer would be free to do his dastardly deeds with someone else.
Thanks for the comments!
Like I mentioned in response to wrecan's comments, the mirror thing is actually fairly recent, relatively speaking. Bram Stoker was the first to really make the mirror thing popular; most ancient peoples didn't do anything with mirrors, so I conside
The shadow dragon is the ultimate menace. My favorite part of it is how easy it is to assume the terror is somewhat more a humanoid persuasion. This is a monster that I would use in a campaign with a group that metagames to make it's preparations. I'd wager they wouldn't expect a dragon and it would be an incredible fight to run.
The skill challenge you put together is okay. If I were to use it, I would create a few more steps and I would let individual party members pursue different avenues.
I would have liked to see a concrete foil for Snorr. Someone that the public assumed was behind the murders and someone the PCs could chase down as a bit of wasted time. That's something that's easy enough to add if it's wanted. It was something that I expected to see and sort of missed.
Thanks for the comments. Concerning the skill challenge, It was indeed my intention in this skill challenge that the party members may pursue different of the given approaches. I'm not sure what you mean by creating more steps, I'm not fond of the idea to present players a "first-do-that, next-step-do-that". That should be up to the players and able to resolved within the skill challenge. Maybe you meant two different skill challenges following each other.
It seems i concentrated a bit too much on the menace alone. I didn't want to weaken it by giving Snorr too much of a reason. Still, if several people show interest I'll fill the blanks in his Backgrounds. I designed him for a second edition game a few years ago, but he never came to use. I completly reworked him, starting with only the idea of a shadow dragon hiding in a city.
Thanks for the comments.Concerning the skill challenge, It was indeed my intention in this skill challenge that the party members may pursue different of the given approaches. I'm not sure what you mean by creating more steps, I'm not fond of the ide
. That is not what I want. I want to have insight why an immediate reaction attack would be required for a solo creature.
(the last minute surge of solid entries has been making me despair). Do you think optional element 2 was really that hard? I liked it, since it helped the entry write itself.
