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3 years ago ::
Nov 12, 2006 - 7:35PM
#1
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2939: I cannot use a bagpipe to inflict sonic damage, no matter how good my Perform check is.
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3 years ago ::
Nov 13, 2006 - 9:08PM
#2
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2939: I cannot use a bagpipe to inflict sonic damage, no matter how good my Perform check is.[/quote]
2940: Or how good the perform check is, either
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3 years ago ::
Nov 15, 2006 - 12:23PM
#3
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2941) I can't make improvised alchemical fire using a bottle of cheap brandy and some paper.
2942) I can't take ranks in Craft (brewing) for the sole purpose of doing 2942.
2943) In Call of Cthulhu I can't use the call deity spell. Ever.
2944) Rouges don't do it from behind.
2945) Though there isn't an express limit to how much min-maxing I can do when assigning ability scores using point buy, there is in fact a point where too much just becomes too much.
2946) I may not play a wizard named Dr. Lawful-Evil with a cat familiar named Mr. Bigglesworth.
2947) Magic missile is not my "laser".
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3 years ago ::
Nov 15, 2006 - 1:50PM
#4
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2948) I cannot yell "Hit the dirt!" when an Earth elemental sprouts out of the ground.
2949) I can't "say hello to his little friend." Or wave at it.
2950) Having the party wizard get laid does not mean that Hell freezes over or pigs gaining flight.
2951) No one is allowed to open a gate to Hell simply to test the quote "a snowball's chance in Hell".
2952) Especially on top of a mountain up north. Or anywhere near a mountain or north.
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3 years ago ::
Nov 19, 2006 - 6:01PM
#5
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2953: Wield Gigantourmus Weapons is not a feat
2594: Or a class ability.
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3 years ago ::
Nov 19, 2006 - 7:18PM
#6
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2595: When a new player enters the game, you are not allowed to test the quote:
"You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose"
2596: The above act is not justified by saying "I beg to differ!"
2597: Nor can you do that on an enemy/neutral, live or dead.
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3 years ago ::
Nov 20, 2006 - 12:04AM
#7
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2958 - I am not allowed to have an insanely high strength score to arm-wrestle a dragon
2959 - or to use trees I up-rooted to throw as spears at my enemies
2960 - I am not allowd to cast Enlarge Self on parts of my body to "impress women"
2961 - I am not allowd to play as a Necromancer and demand that our Wraith pirate enemies fix their @#*&^@! ship so that we may sail with it and ram it down the %@!*&!+ throat.
2962 - I am not allowd to knock out another player and offer him as payment to a guardian spirit so that we may pass safely.
2963 - am not allowd to throw alchemist fire on a flesh golem...bear-hugging another player.
2964 - play as a minotaur ever again
2965 - play as a chain devil
2966 - play as Duke Nukem teleported through time and space...and begin armed with a Desert Eagle, shotgun, RPG, and gatling gun. And a morotcycle. And hit on the DM's girlfriend in character. "Shake it, baby"
2967 - play as Ash from Evil Dead II teleported through time and space...and begin armed with a double-barreled shotgun and chainsaw. And hit on the DM's girlfriend in character. "Hail to the king, baby"
2968 - 1)run from the town guards and take shelter in a stable...barricading doors, 2) attach rope to opening in roof, 3) poor oil all over the hay, wood, and animals, 4) lure town guards into stable as I climb rope, 5)expect to succeed at points 1-4.
2969 - Attempt to make modern weapons by demanding that having high Craft skill points and diagrams of the weapons can make it work.
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3 years ago ::
Nov 20, 2006 - 9:45AM
#8
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2970. My character's motto can not be "Save the cheerleader.Save the world" especially if there are no cheerleaders in the gameworld
Proof that your game isn't the "red head step child"
In 2002 D20 modern was published
Good support to begin with
D20 future was published with little to no thought about the Core book
Down hill spiral
In 2005 we are promised a full fleged campaign called Project Javelin
2005 is the last year that Notes from the bunker is published
2006 is the last time that Bullet Points is published along with the last Web enhancement
2006 Frist and last adventure for Project Javelin is published
2006 The last book Dark Matter is published
2008 During an interview on the illfated Radio Gamer Zero podcast Chris Perkins says they wll work on a new D20 modern in 2009
Forums are reorginzied consistenly causing the d20 modern forum existence to hang in the blance and many members of that community to openly rebel aginst WotC
So really when you whine and moan that your game is the "red headed step child" remeber the above history lesson.
__
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3 years ago ::
Nov 20, 2006 - 2:46PM
#9
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2971: Never allowed to enter another plain of reality for saying "I'm tired of these mothuf***ing snakes on this mothuf***ing plain!"
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3 years ago ::
Nov 22, 2006 - 11:24AM
#10
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2972. There's no such thing as a LG blonde half-orc Paladin with blue eyes no matter what his back story is.
2973. Said half-orc Paladin do not have a huge fascination of blood and keep cutting himself in rituals for his deity to the point that the other party members start wondering how much pints of blood he has.
2974. When creating a spell that disarms an opponent by force of wind, said wind does NOT declothe them as well (they called it dispelling gust or wind).
2975. May NOT prestidigitate a deck of 52 playing cards and then imbue said cards with powerful spells thus enabling you to cast it 52 times (imbue spell does not and should not work like this!!!)
2976. IF 2973 and 2974 are ignored, may not prestidigitate a deck of 52 playing cards and then imbue them with dispelling gust of wind and then throw the deck into women's dressing rooms.
2977. Party members should keep an eye on the NE Hexblade to make sure he doesn't start raping any of the dying drows.
2978. When receiving a powerful flying battleship, make sure that the crazy CN Tinker does not dismantle the cannon.
2979. If the CN Tinker did not dismantle the canon, make sure he's pointing it at the right direction and no other party members are in the way when he fires it.
2980. Before firing the canon, the shooter MUST first warn the party members in the blast radius.
2981. Do not leave the CN Tinker alone with a bagful of explosives that he just recently made. Especially when you're in the BBEG's castle and he's off somewhere tossing the explosives around for fun.
2982. Never ask the CN Wild Mage to break the chains binding your hands. You may never know if she'll just call down a Meteor Shower to help you.
2983. If the Ninja happens upon a heated argument between party members, he may not knock out all the party involved (including the innocent bystander), toss them into their rooms and lock them in and say that it's the best solution to resolve the problems.
All this actually happened in an old campaign of ours.
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