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Ladies and Gentlemen, step right up! Welcome to the Radical Taoist's Optimization Circus! Within these tents we have some of the most talented performances you can find on the boards. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll wonder what recreational substances the ringmasters are on. Have a seat and enjoy the show!

Purpose: This thread is designed to to showcase a different kind of optimized build - the ones that provide ridiculous mental images. This is where we should see the ridiculous Monkey Grip abusers weilding 40 ft. swords with only 20 ft. reach, or clown-rogues stealing their own pants without noticing. If thinking of the character makes you burst out in snickers, it belongs here.


The Radical Taoist's submission:
The Dancing Bear
Advancing cautiously, several hunters corner a bear, gripping their spears tightly and readying for the kill. All of a sudden, the roaring animal throws itself onto a handstand off its front paws, and goes into a breakdancing routine. The hunters stare in confusion as it rips their limbs off in the middle of a windmill.

Progression - Feats
[list=1]

Barbarian 1 - Extra Rage

Barbarian 2

Rogue 1 - Whatever you want

Rogue 2

Rogue 3

Thief-Acrobat 1 - Dive for Cover

Thief-Acrobat 2

Thief-Acrobat 3

Thief-Acrobat 4 - Power Attack

Bear Warrior 1

Bear Warrior 2

Bear Warrior 3 - Whatever you want

Bear Warrior 4

Bear Warrior 5

Bear Warrior 6 - Whatever you want

Bear Warrior 7

Bear Warrior 8

Bear Warrior 9 - Whatever you want

Bear Warrior 10

Thief-Acrobat 5

Why it's optimized: You tell me - I've got a potent combatant and trapscout with almost completely free feat selection and can be done in any race of your choice (though I'd recommend a Human with Able Learner myself). I only chose Extra Rage so you're not stuck with one rage a day for more than half your career, and Dive for Cover since it synergizes with the Thief Acrobat's Kip Up ability to give you double the chances on all your Reflex saves. The strength bonuses available to a Bear Warrior will allow for lovely Jump and Climb checks. A go-anywhere-fight-anything build is entirely possible. The only glaring combat weaknesses are a low Will save and difficulty with DR, and there are ways around these, such as using those feats for soulmelds or ToB maneuvers (such as Mountain Hammer).

Why it's funny: Alright then, with a straight face, please envision a grizzly bear doing backflips, running Matrix-esque up walls, and jacknifing from roof to roof like Spider-Man.



All other submissions welcome!

Am I the only who's thinking Gato from Chrono Trigger with that warforged build?

HaikenEdge's submission
The Ringmaster
A little man stands in the middle of a tent. Crowds of people gather outside, milling around as they try to get inside to see what happening. When the tent's flap is lifted, it's almost as if the floodgates have opened, and a massive wave of sentients flood into the tent, quickly filling up the vast spaces set up just for them.

In a booming voice, the little man begins his well-rehearsed speech: "Ladies, and gentlemen, children of all ages..."

Strongheart Halfling Bard 1/Telepath 5/Thrallherd 1/Virtuoso 3/Lyric Thaumaturge 2/Cerebremancer 7/Sublime Chord 1
Progression & Feats Show Relevant Powers Known, by level Show
Why it's optimized: 6th level powers. 7th level spells. Bardic Music 10/day. Casting while performing bardic "music". Charisma synergy for Bard magic, Sublime Chord casting, and Thrallherd leadership. Intelligence based manifestation synergizes high skill point needs. Psicrystal Affinity & solicit psicrystal synergizes with concentration duration powers. Weaknesses include low Ref & Fort saves, as well as a lack of HP; these issues can probably be addressed/remedied by expending the freely available feats.
Perform skill of choice will most likely be Perform (Oratory).

Why it's funny: Imagine a dinky little guy. Imagine him being the ringmaster and owner of a circus. Image him being accompanied by a single administrative assistant (the thrall) and a large number of laborers who work for the circus (the believers). Imagine him being the one who's responsible for creating the correct music and lighting ambiance for the entire circus... Not to mention, if any performer gets seriously injured, he's got Sustaining Song...

Imagine: A halfling... who keeps people from dying... by talking.

Of course we need an animal act, something impressive that normal people would never see

Bard5/Mindbender 1/Bard 2/Waverider 1/Stormsinger 10/Bard 1

Rides a Cachalot Whale, Sings about the environment, and occasionally shoot lighting at people. Because of the share spells ability and an once per day item of overland flight (5x12x1800)/5 = 21,600

As well as telepathy and mindsight. It’s a Flying aquaman.

Nothing like a flying sperm whale leaping through flaming hoops to excite a croud.

HaikenEdge's submission
The Human Torch
At first, the people passing by didn't think much of him. After all, he was nothing more than a normal, if slightly crazed-looking, man. However, once a crowd began to gather, he smiled a strange smile and retrieved a scrap of paper from his pocket.

Suddenly, the paper exploded into flames; amid cries of surprise, the man opened his mouth and stuffed the blazing parchment down his throat, swallowing it. Momentarily, his eyes were squeezed closed. Then, he threw his head back, spitting forth an impressive gout of flames, transforming a pile of kindling into a bonfire. Once he finished, he bowed gracefully to the crowd, which applauded loudly. Yet, his face began to contort, and moments later, he bursted into flames. Following the spontaneous human combustion, he began to dance. On air. And the bonfire's taken the shape of a humanoid and is dancing too.

Human Bard 1/Wilder 4/Cerebremancer 8/Sublime Chord 1/Pyrokineticist 6
Progression & Feats Show Relevant Powers Known, by level Show
Why it's optimized: 5th level spells. 6th level powers. Uses Charisma for both casting & manifesting. Numerous power points to take advantage of pyrokineticist abilities. Craft Magic Items + Practiced Spellcaster to craft CL 11 Elixirs of Fire Breath at level 11, of which multiple drinks stack (since it doesn't say they don't). High charisma synergizes well with Perform (dance).

Why it's funny: This guy's all about fire. He loves fire. So, he joins the circus, and makes his own all-about-fire routine. So, he lights up a piece of paper with Matter Agitation, swallows it while its under Control Flames, then uses a dose from a previously drank Elixir of Fire Breath to "breathe" fire. Afterwards, he uses Nimbus to "spontaneously combust", after which he starts dancing the chicken dance; moreover, he expends his focus and uses Firewalk to start dancing in the air.

Imagine: A man on fire, dancing the chicken dance. On thin air. Accompanied by a human-looking bonfire.

Now this is utterly ridiculous. That, and it happens to be exploiting a gray area in the rules. I know something similar has been discussed before, but I'm now taking it to the extreme:

Something to Dismember Me By

Monk 10/Kensai 10 (Could be better, but you get the idea.)

Feats of Note:
Versatile Unarmed Strike, Throw Anything

Equipment of Note:
Glove of Taarnahm the Vigilant (PGtF)

What the Hell is Going On Here?
First of all, the important thing to note is that this character's feet, hands, head, elbows, and knees are all +1 Masterslaying Fleshgrinding Tentacle weapons. (Plus whatever other abilities might seem worth adding; Exit Wound could be nice.)

As Throw Anything doesn't make any mention of unarmed strikes not being valid targets for its use, this character throws all of his extremities at an unfortunate target when he attacks. Versatile Unarmed strike allows Fleshgrinding to work, meaning that all of the thrown extremities can start to burrow into the target.

On the target's round, the victim can either continue to take damage or make Strength checks to rip out the offending limbs.

When the monk's turn comes up again, he can move and attack like normal (since nothing says otherwise, and monks can attack with any part of the body) even though he's just a torso. If the opponent happens to be holding any of the limbs at this period, the monk activates the Masterslaying ability of said limb. In this case, the limb automatically gets a critical hit, begins to grind again, and the opponent must make a Fortitude save or have their brain removed.

Yep, I think that's about as odd as things get.