Thank you for your input it helps when people respond I thought a purple dragonborn might be something that people haven't seen before.
I do what I can :D. I don't have the time to comment on everyone's background.
The campaign is set in FR, I haven't played D&D for a long time, so a lot of the stuff from 3rd to 4th edition is unfamiliar to me at the moment. Is there something that keeps The Raven Queen from being worshiped in FR? (Honest question)
Only the fact that there is a god called Kelemvor who already has the Raven Queen's job in Faerun.
As somebody said already, he hasn't really taken on any particularly difficult creatures for a hero, but any battle could be his last. So not losing except the one time, and surviving that one time, is something (at least in my eyes) that should be mentioned. Besides, it makes for more interesting stuff down the road if he ever has to retreat.
Ah. OK, then.
Just a pet-peeve about Mary-Sue, unless you've already mentioned what it is that makes him Mary-Sue, please tell me what's there to be seen. haha
The state of Mary Sue is very subjective. However, since you asked, here is a list of Common Mary Sue Traits.
Having a few of these traits is not bad. Even more than a few. Too many, though, and you get people rolling their eyes at your character, no matter how well-payed (or well-written, as the case may be) the character actually is (We call this the Drizz't Syndrome).
Once again, as escapist fantasy, these traits are not bad, just commonly seen by old hands.
I decided to try using this to flesh out an entire race. :D To clarify: I'm playing a simple PbP wargame where you're supposed to make your own race. My choice: the avian Gryphonai.
1. The Gryphonai are avian humanoids, large eagle-headed creatures with talons and great wings. They live in the mountains and hills. They are masters of earth, wind and ice. Their ruler is Lord Kerrar-Tain. 2. Gryphonai are miners and traders, especially loving the trades of smith and jeweler where they have more skill than any other race. Their blades of gryphsteel and their armor of segmented plate are studded with emeralds and rubies. 3. Gryphonai are honorable and law-bound, and extremely virtuous. They make decisions based upon honor and virtue alone - even foolish decisions like antagonizing opponents who might have left them alone. 4. The Gryphonai are incredibly long-lived, and can live for thousands of years. As they watch from their mountain home, they see more clearly then others the consequences of their actions and remember old alliances and grudges hundreds of years past. However, their eggs are few and far between, and every death is a terrible event among the Gryphonai. 5. The Gryphonai religion revolves around Stryka, the god of honor and kindness. Stryka calls upon his followers to hate war but to fight for those who cannot defend themselves. Gryphonai temper their natural bloodlust with the discipline of oaths to Stryka - and for the most part can keep their heads in battle. 6. In battle, the Gryphonai use great two-handed swords, long hunting spears and hollow metal bows. They have a graceful, dancing style of battle to distance themselves from the brutality of battle.
1. There is another side to Gryphonai religion - Stryka's brother Sharr; lord of battle, lord of ruin and lord of machinery. Twisted creations of steam are his delight, and he is the reason that the Gryphonai disdain to research into the possibilites of science. 2. Kort the Lich is a trusted ally of the Gryphonai in the east, but word has not reached their ears of Kort's massacres of human villages and his ressurection of them as zombies.
1. Adellen the White leads an order of paladins who were slaughtered in battle and sent back into the world of mortals by their god to obtain a sacred relic. The White Seekers search the world to find the stolen Sword of Light and turn the coming darkness into light. The Gryphonai stand by them, for in days of old the living White Seekers were great friends of the Gryphonai. 2. Kort the Lich offered to help the Gryphonai fight the southern Dark Elves, and Kort is very comfortable around non-humans. Now if only he could stop slaughtering the race that birthed him and killed him... 3. Tallis Duanthmor is the leader of the Dark Elves ravaging the south. He maimed the Gryphonai envoy sent to him warning him to come no further north. The Gryphonai hate the Dark Elves, and are preparing to defend the Northfold.
1. The Gryphonai remember the devastation of the Eastfold the last time the Dark Elves came there. 2. They also remember the virtue and piety of the White Seekers when they were still living. 3. Lastly, they remember the horror they felt when they heard of the Dark Elves' return.
Design Notes: You ever played King's Quest: Mask of Eternity? :D
And now for something completely different from my last background. Hopefully more palatable.
Constable Larrim Galder of Erathburg
[FONT="Times New Roman"]"Hail traveller, and welcome to Erathburg. I'm Constable Galder, but you can call me Larrim."[/FONT] Character Concept and BackgroundShow
1. Larrim is a warm, friendly officer of the law in the city of Erathburg. The stereotypical good cop, almost everyone in his neighborhood knows and respects him. 2. Despite his popularity, some people in Erathburg are suspicious of Larrim because he worships the god of art and beauty, Corellon, whereas most of the people in the city worship Erathis. 3. Larrim is a decent fellow, but he often lets others push him around, and he's been passed over for promotion several times because he lets the other, less scrupulous officers bully him. 4. Because of his tendency to let people walk all over him, Larrim has something of a resentment for adventurers, since they like to think they can do as they please and walk all over the law. He remains polite and always smiles when talking to them, but he complains about them to his friends in private. 5. Despite his "soft nice guy" facade, Larrim is still a man of the law. No criminal hurts someone on his watch and most people know better than to try and bribe him, since he'll not only refuse the bribe but report the attempt immediately. This incorruptible nature is what endears him to his friends and neighbors.
[FONT="Times New Roman"]"I rarely have time to think about the future, you know? Work takes up a lot of my time."[/FONT] GoalsShow
1. Larrim's main goal in life is to get promoted to Captain of the Watch, or possibly even a position on the City Council to help make Erathburg a better, more beautiful place. 2. Larrim also hopes to eventually get a church to Corellon built in Erathburg. While he respects the Erathites that populate the town, he feels that they shouldn't have a stranglehold over it, and a little Corellon worship would help the town.
[FONT="Times New Roman"]"Secrets? I'm a man of the law, I don't keep secrets! Well...not bad ones anyway."[/FONT] SecretsShow
1. Larrim's stressful experience on the force and the abuse he gets from some of his superiors has led him to develop a drinking problem. While he never drinks on duty and he's rarely, if at all, drunk, it would tarnish his reputation if it were found out. 2. One member of the City Council, an almost fanatical Erathis worshipper, has it in for Larrim due to his belief in Corellon. Because of this, he's constantly been pulling strings to keep Larrim from being promoted, and is looking for a way to get him fired.
[FONT="Times New Roman"]"Everyone here in town knows me!"[/FONT] ContactsShow
1. Carlo Montari is Larrim's partner, the "bad cop" to Larrim's "good cop". He's one of Larrim's few real friends on the force and the only person who knows about Larrim's drinking problem. Carlo and Larrim are often seen together on patrol, and they make a great team. 2. Councilman Pelagos Galasos is a devout, almost fanatical worshiper of Erathis. He constantly pushes a pro-Erathis agenda with the council, and were he in charge, he would probably make Erathis worship mandatory. While most of the council are moderates who keep him in check, he has singled out Larrim as a target because Larrim openly professes to worship Corellon. Because of him, Larrim has been passed over for promotions he rightfully deserves and is treated unfairly by the Watch members who are Galasos's cronies. 3. Erathburg Watch Marshal Quarion is one of the few eladrin living in Erathburg, and is Larrim's direct superior. It was Quarion who introduced Larrim to the worship of Corellon, and he's one of the few members of the Watch connected with Larrim who isn't in Councilman Galasos's pocket. He hates the fact that Larrim is mistreated, and steps in to help whenever he can, but many of his superiors are Galasos's cronies, so there isn't much else he can do.
[FONT="Times New Roman"]"There are times when I look back on my life and think, did I make a difference? And then I say, yes...yes I did."[/FONT] MemoriesShow
1. Larrim's proudest memory was his graduation from the Watch Academy. He remembers the applause of his fellow graduates, the smiles of the councilmen who awarded him his diploma, and how beautiful the Watch armor he recieved glistened in the sun shining through the windows. 2. One memory that Larrim frequently tries to avoid thinking about was the first time he was passed over for promotion. He knew as well as anyone else that he deserved it, and instead it went to a corrupt bully that was later sacked for taking bribes from a local gang. The most vivid part was when the other candidate threatened him while walking his beat. 3. Larrim remember's his conversion to Corellon's worship fondly. Throughout his life he'd felt this void that Corellon's doctrine filled. He started trying to beautify everything he could in his life, growing a flower garden near his apartment, taking up painting and poetry in his spare time and sadly remembers how alcohol has distracted him from these things.
I drew the inspiration for Larrim from this picture from the Warhammer Online concept art gallery, generously linked by RavingDork. I pretty much looked at the picture and tried to add a personality to it.
Flesh out his alcohol problem or the stress of his job. Right now this character has no reason to leave his post and go adventuring, but maybe if we had inklings about his dissatisfaction with the stress and thanklessness of his job we could see him going AWOL on the right occasion.
Kino: I got nothing. You obviously took your time there, and it shows.
Kaotic: We're all constantly butting heads with Sueity from writing about single characters exclusively in these.
Raz: Interesting concept. I'm not sure I'd intentionally design a playable race that long-lived, it seems contrary to plot building, although I guess it's okay in that they're very isolated. It's hard to envision an avian race mining, too.
Zousha: I like him. It's a good way to show that good comes in other forms than globehopping heroes. Unless I read it wrong, you never intend for him to be a PC, right?
Great to get some fresh blood in this thread. I'll put up something from the Zimri arc later tonight, so everyone can critique me in kind.
Eh, screw it. It's not getting any better by sitting there. Quotes NOW!* See Zimri for some added context. The Puissant Academy of Hermingforde, LN/Unaligned 89% Human, 5% Half-elf, 3%Hobgoblin, 3% Various Background Spoiler:Show
"As you enter these halls, give thought to the thousands before you whose blood, sweat and tears allow you to." 1. Founded some 300 years ago, by a dozen or so survivors of the disastrous Goblin Wars. Originally it was just the central keep, and surrounding countryside. 2. The academy was quickly able to prove it's value, when the drastically depleted Hermingforde used it's new grasp of tactics to stave off an foreign invasion. Royal money flowed into its coffers, and the site and curriculum expanded. 3. These days, the academy trains NCOs, a select few noble commanders, and specialized infantry. In game terms, it can produce both types of warlord, rangers, and fighters. 4. The academy was most recently used as an officer mill for quelling a massive peasant rebellion. Some of the graduation requirements were relaxed due to wartime expediency. 5. Though the war is now concluded, the academy is in the middle of a struggle to get back to it's traditional, time-proven curriculum.
"As long as there has been a Hermingforde, there has been a King commanding it. His Barons may give him comfort in peace, but in war, that duty falls to his officers." Short: Solve the murders! See Below... Medium: Resolve it's internal issues, and get back to teaching young officers the skills they need. Long: Drive out the cult and (perhaps) learn of the larger one.
"Never fight overlong against one foe, lest he become familiar with thy ways. Keep your next move unguessable." 1. Known: Though it's a private faculty matter, there is a sizable power struggle going on at the academy. There have been at least 2 murders of those opposing the expedited program. 2. Unknown: The faction that wants to continue the wartime instruction is secretly amassing troops for a coup, and is part of a cult of Asmodeus that has a cell at the academy. Most of it's intended troops are just anti-royalist, however. Naturally, the first act of the new state will be purging these 'anarchists', thereby covering it's tracks.
"The faculty at the academy are all decorated veterans of many campaigns- some of them fought as the crown's enemy. They have seen more carnage than you ever will, gods willing. The discerning ensign will avoid wasting their time with trifling matters." *1. Colonel Cobb. Male Dwarf, LG. Headmaster of the school, and a graduate of its original class, Cobb is fighting his age and gradually losing. He wonders what's gotten into the admissions board, noting that real officer material gets rarer every year, exceptions like a certain tiefling aside... *2. Daan'Guth, Male Dragonborn, LN. Weaponmaster and Head Armorer of the school, Daan'Guth is a foreigner, and does his best to teach the students the constant terror of life in a harsh region. His seat on the admissions board makes him an obvious target for the cult, but few assassins would be willing to take that mission. *3.Bonaparte Wispengline, Male Half-Elf(Eladrin), NE. The bastard son of a baroness, the Major's battlefield exploits are widely recounted, and largely fictitious, although he does know his specialty (artillery and siege warfare) very well. He's the leader of the Academy's Asmodian worship, and is not above losing a few papers to get a few more youngsters into the cult's clutches... or his own.
"The soldier carries a weapon, wherever he doth go. The officer is a weapon, whatever he doth carry." The average Academy student is a human male teenager with some previous private tutoring. Traditionally, they'd spend some 4 years learning the fine points of being an effective NCO and frontline leader, including working around a ineffective noble commander. That's not to say that nobles don't attend the PAoH, though, but they tend to be older, and have more specialized instruction. Besides the core demographic, there are fifty or so females in various classes, and a variety of races, including some hobgoblins that the crown wants to train for guerrilla work. Any non-serf is eligible to apply, so long as they swear to never take up arms against Hermingforde. Mannerisms: " Your own honor demands a neat appearance, as circumstances allow. We cannot control our final hour, only how we meet it." Once upon a time, the academy was filled to the brim with bright minds, and stupidity of any sort was grounds for expulsion. Nowadays there's a definite mix, as admission standards are compromised, and instruction simplified to wartime standards. Known troublemakers are often inducted to the cult, urged to spread distrust of Royal rule to their friends. Discipline is still one of the school's major specialties, however, and even an underclassman is still far more effective than anything produced by a local militia.
*If you want the full effect, Imagine Patrick Stewart reading these.
Having a few of these traits is not bad. Even more than a few. Too many, though, and you get people rolling their eyes at your character, no matter how well-payed (or well-written, as the case may be) the character actually is (We call this the Drizz't Syndrome).
Once again, as escapist fantasy, these traits are not bad, just commonly seen by old hands.
this one is incorrect:
Speaks several languages fluently. This can vary depending on the setting, of course. A modern-day diplomat is expected to know at least one or two other languages, but it's unlikely a 14-year-old peasant girl in Medieval Europe would know anything but her native language. Bonus points if it includes animals.
A diplomat will know several languages and a 14 year old peasant girl in medieval europe will likely know two or three, at least with a reasonable ability to communicate if not fluently.
this one doesn't count for D&D, it's practically required to survive:
Magic jewelry. Give her a ring that lets her read people's minds. Why not? Might be used as a Green Lantern Ring to justify her abilities.
entirely possible and canon with elves, eladrin and drow:
Or maybe she just looks 10-16, but is Really Seven Hundred Years Old.
and this one makes sense in the Dragonlance setting:
She might turn out to be secretly be half-human, half-(insert species here). Or maybe just full (insert species here). Elf is extremely common, but just any sufficiently human looking, "pretty" race will work. For added points, make her feel outright shame because she's not human even though, if anything, it only makes her more beautiful and/or powerful.
