While I think it's a nontraditional character, and worthwhile at that, I almost think you're falling into the trap of being TOO cosmopolitan. Your references are spread to thinly to have any resonance with the character. Like: 1.Why is a drow child accompanying an ambush? Raiding parties do not tend to include the raiders' extended families. 2. Rogue drow raised by halflings. I like this, the world has many races, and some should get more spotlight. However it becomes empty flavor unless the resulting character is more like a halfling.I'm not seeing that bit, especially since he found his faith elsewhere. 3. The details of said Bahumite conversion are not IN your background. 4. Paladin is not a class for the type who wants their god to make exceptions. Similarly, wearing the marks of another god, especially an evil one, makes it harder to good people to know you represent your faith. 5. You REALLY should get into the habit of naming your locations and NPCs. DM's may or may not want to do more work to label the background, since they already have to integrate it. It also makes for better reading.
I think you could solve many of these problems by becoming a paladin of Avandra. It's a less rigid religion, so you wouldn't have to represent discipline and law. And It ties into your halfling background better.
those are all really good suggestions actually and I second them. In fact new edition of this guy would be neat to see if you are willing to edit your original post
those are all really good suggestions actually and I second them. In fact new edition of this guy would be neat to see if you are willing to edit your original post
I concur. It seems as if Ceazor tried to throw in as many "cool" things as he could into this character. There's too much inconsistancy.
If he was raised by halflings, why does he not follow a hafling deity? Why does he follow a deity of order and justice (esp. when halfings are more the free-spirited, jolly, prank-playing, merchants)? What prompted his decision to follow Bahamut with such passion?
As mentioned above, why was a child taken on a raiding party? Other options could be: A raiding party was done on the drow community, and the child was stolen, then left behind somewhere by the raiding party to be found by the halflings. Or, the drow community was on the move, looking for a new home. For a portion of the journey, that had to travel above ground. The women decided that the men should do a raid while they were up there (continue with your version from here).
If you are worshiping a deity of Justice, Honor, and Nobility, then why in the world are you trying to trick and confuse your enemy? These are not what one thinks of when one thinks of Honor and Nobility.
All in all, the character concept is a good one. I like it. I really do. But your story-telling skills need to improve (take the Skill Training feat, would ya?). Your character background needs to flow smoothly, explaining why your character took an action, or what lead him to such a decision. It needs to all tie together.
The best bet is to pick a simple theme, and revolve the character around that. It's simple and elegant. Don't let your character do anything out of place without a really good reason.
I think you're on the right track to getting better. Practice a little, knock out a few more characters like this one (with everyone's suggestions in mind), and you'll reach that next level in no time! :D
Wow. Excellent writeup, and a great way of showing how much coolness can be packed into the framework. You rock, man. You rock.
pos26 wrote:
gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous
This character is wonderful, and could fall into complete evil despair or become a powerful force for good. Most DMs would hate the fact that she has an "I win" card in her deck (the fiend) but I love it, because in reality it's the "I lose" card in disguise!!!
My take, I would never play this character (she's too epic for the characters I like to play) but I would die to have someone in my group running this chick.
This is the best thread ever, and any DM who wants an NPC or any PC who wants a character needs to read it. WoTC needs to make a webpage for it! Or somebody does!
By the way, thank you both! The feedback is welcome, indeed! :D
Sorry for my long absence, I've been really busy with work and haven't been home much - mgshamter, I just read your Hellock character, and it has to be one of the coolest I've read - I like it alot. I also love the inclusion of Gaelic. Nice touch. Interestingly enough I had a character in 3.5, an elven duskblade, who's story is belowShow
was that he was the prisoner of some evil (or possibly insane but well meaning - i wasn't sure) Wizard, used him as his test subject for what amounted to a combination of the magical versions of genetic testing, nuclear exposure, and plain torture for years, before the wizard killed himself in one of his own experiments by accident, and the elf (nameless as we never did play him - although cool character idea too...hhhmm...) left. He was left scarred however by winding, sinuous, arcane black designs from head to toe. In shame, he covered himself in an outfit the looked like a cross between leather armour and mummy's wrappings, again from head to toe. At all times. The duskblade class came from that he was left with some leftover magical residue from all that he was subjected to.
Once I'm done the Warlord I'll do this guy up proper-like.
I will definitely go back and try to write down what inspired my characters - Now back to climbing :D Cheers
And now for something completely different. (seriously this is completely unrelated.Show
On an unrelated note, picked up Watchmen yesterday and read it. OMFGWTFQWERTY! Freaking genius, really a work of art. If you haven't read it, and have any interest or respect for Graphic novels, or fine literature, or both DO SO NOW.
Thank you for bearing with my random spaz for today.
And now for something completely different. (seriously this is completely unrelated.Show
On an unrelated note, picked up Watchmen yesterday and read it. OMFGWTFQWERTY! Freaking genius, really a work of art. If you haven't read it, and have any interest or respect for Graphic novels, or fine literature, or both DO SO NOW.
Thank you for bearing with my random spaz for today.
There was a reason it was the only comic ever to win a Hugo Award. Remember, this and The Dark Knight Returns are the two works that singlehandedly changed the comic medium forever.
Sorry for my long absence, I've been really busy with work and haven't been home much - mgshamter, I just read your Hellock character, and it has to be one of the coolest I've read - I like it alot. I also love the inclusion of Gaelic. Nice touch. Interestingly enough I had a character in 3.5, an elven duskblade, who's story is belowShow
was that he was the prisoner of some evil (or possibly insane but well meaning - i wasn't sure) Wizard, used him as his test subject for what amounted to a combination of the magical versions of genetic testing, nuclear exposure, and plain torture for years, before the wizard killed himself in one of his own experiments by accident, and the elf (nameless as we never did play him - although cool character idea too...hhhmm...) left. He was left scarred however by winding, sinuous, arcane black designs from head to toe. In shame, he covered himself in an outfit the looked like a cross between leather armour and mummy's wrappings, again from head to toe. At all times. The duskblade class came from that he was left with some leftover magical residue from all that he was subjected to.
Once I'm done the Warlord I'll do this guy up proper-like.
I will definitely go back and try to write down what inspired my characters - Now back to climbing :D Cheers
And now for something completely different. (seriously this is completely unrelated.Show
On an unrelated note, picked up Watchmen yesterday and read it. OMFGWTFQWERTY! Freaking genius, really a work of art. If you haven't read it, and have any interest or respect for Graphic novels, or fine literature, or both DO SO NOW.
Thank you for bearing with my random spaz for today.
I like that character concept. It should be a good read. Per Watchmen, heck yes! I love that novel! I nearly peed my pants from excitement when I saw the preview of the movie during Dark Knight. :D
Also, thanks for the compliment. I had fun writing her up.
Introducing one of the other BBEGs from our game, the batsh*t insane Mai'ali Nightwound. PLAYERS! Beware MASSIVE SPOILERS! So, her background will be contained entirely within spoiler blocks.
The Ten-Minute Background of Mai'ali Nightwound, Shard of Jillian
Step 1: write five things about your character’s concept and background, five things that you think are the most essential parts of your character. You don’t have to stop at five, if you like…this is just a minimum.
*giggle* "Oh, don't stop now. Things are just getting...interesting."
1) Mai'ali Nightwound is a raven-haired half-elf. She tends to dress in dark, goth clothing, wears many piercings, and often wears makeup appearing like black tears running down her face. 2) When she was a girl, she and her twin sister were separated when a band of pirates attacked the ship they were aboard. Mai'ali was captured and held for ransom. While her family struggled to come up with the money to get her released, the pirates repeatedly abused and violated her. Worse, her family was destitute after paying the ransom, and her mother blamed her for ruining the family. 3) Mai'ali grew up with a "reputation" that she was unable to shake. She drifted into prostitution to make ends meet. Eventually, she found herself considering taking her own life. And that was when the dreams began. 4) In her dreams, a figure calling itself "Jillian, The Queen of Air and Darkness" came to her, and told her of a special magic within her soul. It told her she could use this magic to escape her life. In return for teaching her to tap into this power, the spirit told her that she must bring together all the shattered pieces of the spirit's soul and grant it the rebirth that it craved. Mai'ali agreed, and made the pact that awakened her warlock powers. 5) Mai'ali used her new powers to terrify those who she felt had wronged her, and then went looking for the other Shards of Jillian. Her search led her to discover more about the nature of Jillian Maeve, her benefactor, and the soul shards she sought. Each of the shards was incarnated in the body of a woman of Jillian's mortal bloodline. She tracked down one such Shard, a woman named Dominique, and now is seeking the others…
Step 2: List two goals for the character that you, as a player, think would be cool to see accomplished in-game.
"And so the mighty hero gets the girl. And you want to get the girl, don't you? Yes, you want to get her all...night...long..."
1) Mai'ali is one of the game's BBEGs. Her ultimate plot is to reunite the Soul Shards of Jillian Maeve and cause the goddess to be reborn. 2) She is a temptress, but I want the players to have some pity for her, or at least a few good reasons NOT to kill her when they have a chance. The fact that she has an innocent soul hostage should help with that.
Step 3: List two secrets about your character. One is a secret the character knows, one is a secret that involves him but that he is not actually aware of yet. This will help me in creating plots that center around your character. I will also be creating a third secret which you as a player will not be aware of, so expect some surprises!
"shhhhh...No, don't struggle so, my dear. You are going to be a part of something...wonderful. Together, we shall bring the goddess back...it will be a glorious rebirth. And it all starts with you. Don't you see how special you are?" --Mai'ali, to Dominique Leroux
1) Mai'ali is looking for the pieces of Jillian Maeve, the fairy queen Exarch of the Elder Devil Lord Verkinx Kazrael, known as the Nightmare Prince. Mai'ali believes that she was contacted directly by the Soul Shard within herself. The Shards manifest as striking women who all share the same features. Many shards are identical twins and they are spread out across the campaign world, so it isn't easy to recognize this. All of the Shards come from an Eladrin bloodline, which has mingled into the line of Coralton half-elves, though a few full-blooded eladrin Shards exist. 2) Mai'ali's sister is Sasha LeBell, who grew up to accompany Martin Tenbones on his quest to fight the pirate scourge Hellbeard. Sasha vanished and is presumed dead (but see Matin's background). Mai'ali's real name is Michelle LeBell. She took on a new name because she feared that her True Name could be used against her, in accordance with the lore of the Fair Folk. Spoiler:Show
3) The "Queen of Air and Darkness" that contacted Mai'ali through her dreams is actually another Shard, a powerful fairy spirit that transformed into a living dream. The spirit wants to get all the shards together because it believes that it will be able to use the power of the Soul Shards to become a full-fledged god. It really doesn't care about putting Jillian back together…it just wants power. 4) When Mai'ali found Dominique, she killed the girl and stole her soul. The soul-theft required a receptacle, and Mai'ali didn't have anything to use except her own body at the time. Mai'ali thought that putting the soul into herself would help bring the shards back together. This proved to be a mistake, because the spirit and her spirit did not combine…in fact, they now war for control of Mai'ali's body. Sometimes she is Mai'ali, and sometimes she is Dominique, and only time will tell which personality becomes the dominant one.
Step 4: Describe three people that are tied to the character though blood, romance or honor. Two of them are friendly to the character, one is hostile. All can do something useful for you, if you can get the situations to line up. If you like, you can include an enemy of yours here as well, so I have an instant NPC nemesis to throw at you.
"Tayce, Tayce, Bloodyblades...stalks the night on goat-foot legs...name him twice, call him thrice...he'll make people go away..." --Mai'ali, singing an old nursery rhyme
1) Tayce Bloodyblades is an evil spirit that bound its soul to an artifact dagger in exchange for immortality. Mai'ali found the dagger, and then found a way to bind the spirit into a living host, granting the host power at the cost of being under her control. The host she found was a rogue by the name of Claude Pierrot, who mistook her for his old girlfriend, Dominique Leroux. He made the mistake of trying to attack her, and she used his body as a physical host for the Tayce spirit. She now has complete domination over the spirit, which has to act out her orders. The spirit now acts as her personal assassin. 2) The Chosen are a cult of Shadar-Kai who have turned against the Raven Lord's patronage and turned to the worship of the Nightmare Prince Verkinx Kazrael. They lair in the Shroudmist Forest, believing that the evil fairy lord works his will through the unnatural mist that lurk there. Mai'ali has convinced them the she is an avatar of The Queen of Air and Darkness, the Nightmare Prince's dead daughter, which is not very far from the truth. She relies on them for spying around the town. 3) Marcel DuParis knows Mai'ali only as the sultry woman who has been tempting him to have an affair. He does not know that Mai'ali only want to use him to get access to the library of the Amyran church and the extensive genealogical records within, so she can identify more members of Jillian's bloodline. She also considers him a prime candidate in her plan to usher in the rebirth of the goddess, once she has found all the remaining Shards of Jillian. 4) Angelique DuParis, Mercel's wife, is a threat to her plans, and she wants to see the eladrin removed. However, she has lately been under the protection of Audric Cwellen, an Amyran paladin. So Mai'ali has been using Tayce striking at the paladin instead of the wife, hoping to get him concentrating on his safety over Angelique's so she can strike. She is unaware that Audric is actually romantically interested in Angelique. If she knew, she would have exactly what she needs to get Angelique out of the picture.
When I came up with the Shards of Jillian idea many, many years ago, Dominique actually came first. I knew that I wanted to go with the idea of a goddess's soul shattered into pieces and living on in the goddess's mortal descendants, and that Dominique, who was actually rescued by the party and was intended as a love interest, would be one. But I didn't firm up everything for a while. Then I got the Book of Vile Darkness (this should date our game).
I knew I wanted to use the material from the book, and I knew I wanted to expand on the Shards of Jillian concept, so I went for the "Evil Twin" route. But even then, I was weighing "Evil Twin" and "Split Personality." Eventually, I made my choice and went with it, and it worked out well.
Mai'ali was a contrast to Gerard LeVaine. While his crimes were Epic in scope, hers were just downright wrong. For example: At the time, Gerard had managed to get himself in a position of power over the characters and was forcing them to liberate a series of magical items for him, and he eventually turned on them and falsly accused them of collaborating with a hobgoblin army while setting up a necromantic bomb. Mai'ali? She was busy organizing attack meant to spread terror and loss of hope throughout the city. Her plan was to break down the spirit of the head of the local temple (Marcel DuParis, whom I've already covered) so that he would willingly allow her to sacrifice him to power a ritual that would create a bevy of horrible undead killed in Gerard's signature style in order to cast doubt upon him. She also captured the party and forced them to watch as she pleasured a demon, then (much later in the campaign) masqueraded as Dominique (who had by now married a characer and was a few months pregnant with his child) by faking a kidnapping and miscarriage.
And yet, she was the one who ultimately realized her massive problems and tried to redeem herself (she failed and ran away with a Mirror of Opposition clone of Dominique's husband, but that's another story). I had intended on bringing her back, but the campaign ended before that could happen.
With the campaign reboot, I wanted to bring the Shards of Jillian storyline more into focus, so that meant bringing Mai'ali back again. But I wanted to do something different this time around. I liked the idea of the love story that we had in the previous game occurring again, but with a twist. And that is when I decided to go back to my original idea that Dominique was going to be the bad guy. But I liked having the good Dominique. So the "Split Personality" idea crept back in, and I decided to take it and run with it. This would present a whole slew of different moral challenges, because the party can't really kill Mai'ali, because that would mean killing their friend/lover as well. So far, I haven't introduced Mai'ali, just Dominique, though the hints are there.
The Ten-Minute Background of Mai'ali Nightwound, Shard of Jillian
Wow. That is just awesome. I want to play in your game now. I'm starting to feel deprived of gaming. I've been told that the OL game that was supposed to start last week has been delayed to the end of September.
Argh!
Still, I love your series of characters, and how they all tie in together.
Wow. That is just awesome. I want to play in your game now. I'm starting to feel deprived of gaming. I've been told that the OL game that was supposed to start last week has been delayed to the end of September.
Argh!
Still, I love your series of characters, and how they all tie in together.
:D Thanks. I have fun. Your stuff is very creative as well, and you sound like you'd be a great player. I'll keep posting the NPCs of my game, since they seem to have resonated well.
Of course, by reading these character descriptions you realize that you have more insight into the evil plots and plans than my players do at the moment. Heck, the party has only just begun to realize that there is someone pulling Tayce's strings and that Dominique, who has actually joined the party, might somehow be involved.
pos26 wrote:
Stray,
I really really really like your crazy evil half-elf bad guy. I also want to do her even though I know it's wrong.
Thanks, Management
So do I , pos. So do I. It's part of her charm, really. :D
I had fun writing her up.
