Well, I have been lucky so far in my 20 years of gaming that no one has smelled too bad or killed themselves or anyone else at the table. I have a lot of semi-horror stories though.
-I have kids. When my daughter was about 2 she came into my 'Battle Bridge' (what I called my gaming room back at my old apartment) and sat on one of my players laps. She then knocked over all the minis and sent the dice flying. So we put her down and while we are cleaning up the mess she decides to run and watch theh wiggles or something.
a few minutes pass and she comes running into the room with her cuppy. ok, mommy worked overnights and was sleeping, and daddy sure as heck wasn't gonna get up and go all the way to the kitchen for some kool-aid, so i make a quick Spot check and find some pepsi sitting there. Pepsi is the choice of a new generation after all! What a great idea! I'll get daddy of the year for this for sure! So i take the pepsi and fill up her cuppy to the brim. Little girl gets happy, snags a d20 (we got it back), and goes to watch the wiggles some more.
we get through the encounter and the wiggles is over, so little girl decides to return to the 'Battle Bridge'. We figure we got time for a five minute break, so the players go outside to either smoke or use the bathroom or whatnot. Little girl decides she is going to climb onto one of the chairs. Ok, that's cool. She takes a sip of her pepsi, than shakes the cuppie. I suddenly heard a hissing sound, and a small spray of foam coming out of the top of the cup. Suddenly the sides of her cuppoy began to blow out. I opened my mouth and tried to move to get the cup, but it was too late. The geyser of pepsi from the tip of her cuppie spewed forth everywhere, all over the character sheets, the battle mat, the minis, the table, everywhere.
So I am standing there looking at this 2 year old covered in pepsi, now thinking the daddy of the year award isn't worth this, and i proceed to start cleaning up. i go to get a towel and me and a few of the other players wash everything up. little girl was alone in the Battle Bridge for a few seconds. When we return she has gone into the bedrrom to lay down with mommy.
releived, we all set up the battle mat, replace our now shining minis and unstickified dice and get back into the game. we had a few non-combat encounters and so about 45 minutes pass. the players finally come into a room with some orcs and i say roll for initiative. I go to grab my monster manual and it isn't there. Hmm, where did I put it? Maybe it got displaced during the pepsi geyser thing?
so we look around and under and over and through, no MM. So i think to go and see if little girl might have kendered it into her room. As I approach the partially open bedroom door my heart nearly stops as I hear the telltale sound of paper ripping. And as I believe my heart and brain can take no more, I hear it again. And then again. By this time some nerve endings in the spine decided i had better move, and as my brain caught up to me and i entered the darkened bedroom, i see my wife sleeping happily (probably dreaming of Russel Crowe riding bareback on a unicorn in the fields of england or something), and the little girl on the floor next to the bed, with what used to be my monster manual. "Dada, dey ugly" she says, and points to about 50 or so pages with pictures she had torn out.
I take a few deep breaths, turn around, and head back to the room. the guys are all saddened for me, and as I finally calm down anough to get back to the game, I remember that the srd was online for persusal, so at least I was able to run most of the monsters. And then soon after little girl was bouncing off walls (literally. she would run and slam into a wall, fall back onto the floor, laugh, and repeat). While we are fighting the bbeg my wife comes in with a cuppie semi-filled with dark liquid, a little girl with a bruised cheek at her heels. She looks at me and says 'what's this?' I am thinking I am about to get my daddy of the year award for my quick thinking and all that, but that thought is crushed a split second later when one of the players said 'he gave her soda.' I felt like sam gamgee in that scene with gollum on the stairs.
the wife's look was all i needed to know that there would be no daddy of the year award for me. and little girl dod not take her nap, and nor did she go to bed early that night. And I learned that day that you do not give soda to toddlers with cuppies.
-another time we were gaming in my kithcen (we had moved to a smaller place in another state, so no more battle bridge) and my son who was about a year and a half old was contained in the living room by a baby gate. So here we are trying to run though some dungeon in the bottom of a pyramid somewhere and I hear this red haired savage screaming at the top of his lungs in a barbaric cry of frenzy and bloodlust! I look out towards the living room and he begins to systematically take down the baby gate. I swear to you this kid was raging! I could almost see his strength score increase!
He wrenched on that gate until the wall seemed to splinter and the gate came crashing down. he charged into the kithcen, and befoee i could get him he grabbed one of the character sheets and took off down the hall. by the time we caught him the sheet was tore to shreds and i learned that day to always have a backup copy.
-and yet another time my wife and i got into an argument, so i went to the gaming store where the proprieter talked into spending 15 dollars on a solid steel die. needless to say this thing was more of a weapon than a dice. My mother in law banned me from rolling it directly on her table.
so one day we were all sitting there enjoying an episode of Monk on usa, happily awaiting the season premier of the 4400 (DVR is awesome!) when I hear a loud clunk, and then a bang and a crash and the pitter patter of my son's feet running down the hallway. he just had that guilty look on his face, like you know he's been up to something he shouldn't have been doing (parents learn these looks awefully fast). so I pause Monk and I go down the hall to investigate. What I find is my dice box had been rifled through, and my dice were all over the floor, along with a few pencils and some commonly used minis. I pick it all up when I realize the 'Cimmerian' is missing (my nickname for this 10 pound dice of solid steel).
so I look around, and then i see that my pencil cup by my monitor has been tiped, and then i see that there are pencil marks on my monitor. No biggie, a bit of toothp[aste and a baby wip[e will take care of that. I pick up ansd think nothing of it untilk the next day. I go to check my email for work and i turn on my monitor. It is then that i see a large indentation mark right dead center of the plasma screen. and it just so happened to be the same size as the cimmerian. and now the screen is blackened where this comet of steel smashed into my very expensive piece of equipment. and the monitor's display that did show up was completely green all over. ~sigh~
thank god that I had a buddy whos ewife worked the courtesy desk at the local wal-mart. quick switcheroo, and a new set of locks on the bedroom door, and that was fixed.
oh, i could go on with these stories of how the kids messed with the games. my daughter used my PHB as a coloring book, and then decided to use our character sheets to draw on with a pencil, which originated in the 'Curse.'
As it turned out, the little girl from the previous story would sometimes wiggle her way with a pencil and mark someones character sheet. and always inevitably if that happened the pc would die either that session or the next one. wierdest thing.
and one thing i always love is when the kid comes in and rolls the dice and gets like 5 natural 20's in a row, and then we're like oh yeah these dice are hot and we get 1's and 2's all night.
my daughter is now 7 and gonna be 8 and she is an avid d&d player with us now. she has a level 2 elven wizard and a level 1 halfling druid she ios gonna try out next session. there is no feeling like running a game with your kids, and i will say that 4e (especially the character builder!) makes all of this possible, kudos WotC for a great product.