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4 years ago ::
Jun 15, 2009 - 6:42PM
#131
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Date Joined:
Jul 23, 2003
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IThe cat got free and the wizard feared for his little friend. As soon as the cat hit the ground, however, it morphed into something that looked like a cheetah with a tabby pattern. With a sprint of what in 4e would be over 20 squares, the cat was at the ogre's throat, scoring a nat 20. Right at the jugular! Rolling for the second attack, 20! The hind legs raked furiously, tearing flesh and muscle from the ogre's throwing arm.
My cat thinks she can do this. Girl my younger bro was going out with got in a screaming match with me (couldn't really call it an argument), Morgana slinks downstairs to check out the ruckus, next thing we know the girl had a very angry, very protective black cat with all 4 sets of diesel sharp claws embedded into her leg. Ears back, mouth open, fang bared (yes, one fang, cat had the worst timing on when to not be next to a door), hissing like a nest of vipers.
Cat's been staying with my mom ever since I enlisted. I miss my cat. Coincidentally, I think we should look into a weapon system that launches a wet cat at the enemy. If you can think of any animal that can cause more havoc (other than a small child), I'd like to hear about it.
Scope my YouTube channel!The U.S. Army: The best job in the world, working with some of the best people in the world, for one of the worst employers you could ever imagine. Here's a shout out for Scholars' Books & Games in Bridgewater, MA, and for Paladin's Place in Darmstadt, Hessen, Germany where I was stationed for two years. Support your FLGS! | Attacking the darkness since 1987, turning creatures sideways since 1994. | Billy Goat Gruff in the House of Trolls. |
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4 years ago ::
Jun 15, 2009 - 7:41PM
#132
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Not D&D, but I was on mIRC in a roleplaying chat room full of folks playing either a Vampire or a "Capri Sun" (willing vampire victim) along with all the goth angst to go with it. It got rather boring quickly and I felt like spicing things up a bit. When I entered the room, everyone was trying to figure out if I were Hunter or Prey, but I dodged the question feigning ignorance. It kept everyone confused and at bay.
One girl who was actually quite good at playing her Celtic Vampire character came over and asked if I Hungered. Yeah, like that with a capitol H. I told her "Yes" and led her on a with a bit of shameless flirting and double entendres while maintaining my feigned ignorance. She decided she would manuver me for the kill. I let her.
She sat in my lap and began kissing me. I kissed her back. She let her lips find their way down to my neck. I let mine wander down a bit further to her cleavage. Just before she made her final move, I bit her. In the cleavage area. She jumped up cussing me out in fluent gaelic. I began to lament as she walked away still soundly cursing. I said "Oh, to have loved and lost, such pain! The heart break! I will miss your sweet kisses, the soft caress. I have but one thing to tell you before you walk out of my life forever."
"And what is that?" she snarled.
"I will always remember you," I sniffed. "Fangs for the mammaries..."
An Orc walks into a bar. The Human and the Elf laugh at the hapless Orc. The dwarf walks under it scowling and doesn't laugh. He doesn't see the humor. It was all over his head
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4 years ago ::
Jun 15, 2009 - 7:53PM
#133
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Date Joined:
May 21, 2009
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i recalled back during the glory days of 3.5 we where heading into a jungle area... well our barbarian was brand new to D&D........ o god this is going to end bad.... our first fight dinosaurs and i swear to the the big guy upstairs he was singing this song while he was killing them....... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9AVTlvbhKM............... someone kill me 
Drop the PC nonsense. Laying waste to thousands of enemies by raining fire and death from the sky is women's work, dammit!
By: Boraxe
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4 years ago ::
Jun 15, 2009 - 8:34PM
#134
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I was playing a female, half-demon, cleric in an evil group Ravenloft campaign. There are 3 incidents worthy of mention from this group.
1) We were exploring a crypt to retreive a cursed artifact for our patron when we encountered a room filled with dust and fragments from at least a gross of humanoid skeletons. We knew we were in serious trouble from the get go. A spirit appeared in the midst of the room and waved its hand at the door, sealing it shut behind us. It proceeded to ask us a riddle, the exact wording of which I cannot recall. After our first wrong guess, skeletons arose and tried to kill us. After our second wrong guess, even more arose. By this time we knew the answer had something to do with playing cards but didn't know the answer. Out of nowhere, the player of the caliban barbarian gets this shining look in his eye and grabs the DM's sleeve saying "It's a spork". We were promptly attacked by even more skeletons than last time. We barely survived the fight. Afterward, the dark elf assassin punched the barbarian in the throat just to shut him up.
2) During the fight I just mentioned, the one we barely survived; my cleric was on the brink of falling below zero hp. I was alright at the end of my turn, but the skeletons ganged up on me at the command of the spirit that posed the puzzle to us. I was near my end when the dark elf assassin saw my plight and healed me... by administering a healing potion, via a viperbite dagger to my buttcheek.
3) One night, while the assassin was on watch, my character remained awake and spent the entire watch writing in a large book. Near the end of his watch, the assassin looked over and said "Every night I see you scrawlng in that blasted tome. What exactly are you writing?". To which I replied "My bible". The assassin paused for a moment then asked "What god is it you worship anyway?". I laughed a little too loud and replied "I said, I'm writing my bible... my child." After a few minutes of staring into the fire he asked "Did you remember to include the time I healed you with an ass-dagger?"
Why Mechanics-Alignment Integration is Bad
Show
so why even play a fighter if you can play the paladin the exact same way behaviorally and get added power to boot. "Paladin" is about accepting better game-enhancing mechanics at the price of more rigid in game behavior.
Really? So it goes something like this?
Fighter: "I want to be a paladin."
NPC: "Really?"
Fighter: "Yes."
NPC: "Very well." Starts reading from a holy book while still in-character "Do you accept having to choose and stick to the lawful good alignment, eventhough neither of us actually knows that it exists or what it is?"
Fighter: "I do."
NPC: "Do you reject good game balance because you accidentally rolled a high Charisma?"
Fighter: "What?"
NPC: "I don't know what it means either."
Fighter: "Oh. Umm, ok I do."
NPC: "In the name of all that is metagamey and broken, accept these better game enhancing mechanics."
Fighter: "These what?"
NPC: "Just get out there and try to fulfill a million different people's notion of good while not violating and part of any of them."
So the system is designed such that every single hit needs to be described to avoid confusion? Here's a scenario. The players are nudists, everybody in the world are nudists, it's not weird, it's totally normal in this land. They are naked and they fight drakes taking damage throughout, but healing up with surges. Later they meet the guy who raised the drakes.
Part 1: I didn't describe any of the hits. What does he see?
Part 2: Lets say I described the drakes as biting the players, yet they healed up. What does he see?
D20 Modern Toon PC Race.
Mecha Pilot's Skill Challenge Emporium.
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4 years ago ::
Jun 16, 2009 - 2:26AM
#135
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I just had one today. I was teaching my friend how to play D&D so I set him up with a simple encounter in which he, a Goliath fighter, had to beat up some street thugs. There was a house that I described as one " a small breeze could have knocked over." so he wanted to charge in and break the door down. He rolled a strength check and rolled a natural 1. I said he bounced off the door and landed on his ass. We had a good laugh at that one.
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4 years ago ::
Jun 16, 2009 - 8:58AM
#136
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Date Joined:
Feb 25, 2008
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Coincidentally, I think we should look into a weapon system that launches a wet cat at the enemy. If you can think of any animal that can cause more havoc (other than a small child), I'd like to hear about it.
Oh gods, this reminds me of something I set up and used once, back in one of the few 2nd edition games I ever played in.
Cat Bolas.
Seriously, I managed to drop what would otherwise have been quite a challenging opponent with these. The guy was effectively tied up, with three extremely angry housecats who were able to do nothing except maul him angrily. The laughs we had when the DM realised exactly what he had been hit with... 
Reality is a reference point, not a limitation.
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4 years ago ::
Jun 16, 2009 - 9:10AM
#137
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Date Joined:
Jun 15, 2004
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I think we should look into a weapon system that launches a wet cat at the enemy.
Gray bag of tricks is fairly close. Any hit from a house cat will knock the Tarrasque prone. By strict RAW: using a cat as an improvised thrown weapon can be pretty darn powerful.
AV p.183: "Cat; this creature also knocks the target prone on a hit."
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4 years ago ::
Sep 10, 2009 - 6:06AM
#138
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Date Joined:
Sep 10, 2009
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I've been reading and enjoying this thread and wanted to contribute a few minor moments of my own. Very first session I DMed had a Dragonborn Paladin in it. Beyond the first door they come to in the dungeon, they hear voices speaking Draconic. The Paladin declares, "Sounds like my brethren, I'll knock on the door." I reply, "Upon knocking on the door, the voices suddenly cease in surprise, and then there's a lot of shuffling and scuttling about." The best was his brother's addition of, "'Put your clothes back on! Is this my underwear or your underwear?'"
We also had an Elf Ranger who managed to take 0 damage for a long time (she hit level 2 before taking any damage). This exchange occured after discovering a magical longbow that would best be suited for her: Her: No damage!
[evil glares from the other players]
Me: There appears to be some sort of bow--a longbow, coincidentally--
Her: Really?!?
Invoker: But you have to come into the room to get it.
Warden: Oops, I stepped on it by accident.
Shaman: And we all get an opportunity attack as she walks by!
There was also a room where there was a set of magical runes on the floor. Activating them had a random effect, though the characters didn't know that to start. The Invoker tries it out and gets +1 to his defenses. The Shaman then tries several times in succession to get the same thing; he ended up with -1 to his defenses, +1 to his speed, and getting healed for 5 HP before finally giving up.
My favorite moment when I was DMing was a slip of the tongue on my part. I was reading the description for a Young Black Dragon's Could of Darkness power and said "Any creature entirely within the area is bloodied." My players were freaking out until I realized what I said and corrected myself: "blinded!"
In another campaign where I play an Eladrin Wizard, we encountered a room with a spike trap in the floor. I jumped over the trap assuming the switch to disable it was on the other side...but our Cleric found the switch on the entrance side anyway. Our Dragonborn Paladin wasn't so sure it was safe and so tried to jump over the trap, rolling so poorly he landed on his face.
We also had some fun where the Cleric decided to follow me to make sure I was going to the shop I said I was going to. We rolled Stealth vs. Perception to see if I noticed, and I got a natural 1. My Wizard was very surprised when he walked up to the counter to buy alchemical agents later on.
Our Paladin went to the Moonsong Temple and tried to convert Ressilmae to Bahamut. He rolled and declared "20 on Intimidate". Ressilmae kicked him out and said not to come back unless he was on a litter. The player later revealed he meant "Diplomacy" but said "Intimidate" by mistake. Best mistake he's made yet.
During battle with some Kobolds on the way to Winterhaven, our Cleric declared to one of them, "By Bahamut's glorious radiance, I will wear your kidneys as a corset!" After our victory, he took the kidneys. At Winterhaven, he had the following conversation with the old farmer: DM: "You say you have been attacked on the road?"
Cleric: "Yes."
DM: "Little red and brown bandits on the road?"
Cleric: "Among other things, yes."
DM: "The old king's road?"
Cleric: "I have these kidneys...."
DM: "Let me see the kidneys!" [feels them] "They feel like Kobold kidneys."
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4 years ago ::
Sep 10, 2009 - 11:57AM
#139
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Date Joined:
Oct 13, 2005
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hmm... Well, I once witnessed a player have his character attempt to shake hands with a naga. Since then, "shaking hands with the naga" has become a phrase used among my friends to mean 'doing something dimwitted.' I'm not sure if that really sounds hilarious... probably one of those things you had to be there for.
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4 years ago ::
Sep 11, 2009 - 3:59AM
#140
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Date Joined:
Jul 19, 2009
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I run a 4E session every week, starting out with LFR and now through Thunderspire and Pyramid of Shadows.
In our first session, the group of a Warlord, a Sword Mage, a Wizard, and a Tempest Fighter had just managed to get through a Shadow Maze and were considering taking a rest. They found a secret door and slipped through it, closing it behind them as they heard approching footsteps. They also heard another group being slaughtered at the bottom of the stairs they were at the top of. I warned them the rest could be dangerous, so they started planning.
They took stock of their inventory and realized they had nearly 500 feet of Rope and 15 hand axes among their items. For the next half an hour they decided to try and use those things to build an Axe Throwing machine that covered their front and back while they slept. It was the funniest 30 minutes I had ever been apart of, as they begin pulling out diagrams and using grappling hooks as pullies and hanging axes to be tripped over as an alarm. While a massive beast waits at the bottom of the stairs and the outside of the secret door is being searched to find a way in. Of course, they ended up not taking the rest. Now, whenever they come up to an obstacle, the first idea that comes to mind is always an Axe Throwing Machine. There was another part where the party was standing in the middle of a pathway above a pool of blood, with large statues lashing out whips at them. They stood just out of reach before the rogue grabs the whip, uses it to run along the wall and flip onto the back of the statue/trap to disable it. The Avenger decided he wanted to help out, so he attempted the same thing, rolled a 1, ran along a side wall for a short way, face first into the back wall, slid down into the pool of blood. He lets the rogue do all the acrobatics from now on.
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