The continuing adventures of MTGO. Part 2 is here:
community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/758...(If Wizards were a real-life store doing an Exodus release event)
Part 1 is here:
community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/758...(If MTGO were a reallife store holding a PTQ)
March 18: So Dave and TOD (the owners of the fictional real-life store that represents MTGO) are talking about having some events over the weekend of March 19-21.
Dave: Let's have some ME3 farewell events.
TOD: Sounds good.
Dave: Hey for a change though, let's post the actual dates and times as correct.
TOD: Aw, are you sure? But how will we have some fun with our customers? How will we laugh at them from behind the curtain?
Dave: Watch and see...
Flash-forward to the top-8 of an ME3 event:
Judge about to hand out product for the draft: "Hey guys, here you are. I know you're here specifically to play with this nostalgic set right? Maybe get some duals, given we're going to start emphasizing Legacy soon right? Here you go. HERE'S SOME M10 LOLOLOL!"
Player 1: But that's not right, you told us in advance this would be an ME3 draft. Can I get some compensation? Maybe just get a draft set since it's too late to switch?
Player 2: That sounds about right...I mean I understand the manager isn't here, available to talk to us, but maybe later he could fix it?
Judge: NOPE! NO COMPENSATION!
Player 1: Ok fine. Player 8, let's play our first match.
Player 8: Sure no problem. You've won the die roll.
Player 1: So I have!
Player 8: Would you like to go first?
Player 1: Yes
Player 8: I didn't hear you, sorry. Would you like to go first?
Player 1: Yes
Judge, swooping in: A HA! I have heard you say twice that you would like to go first! You must now take an automatic mulligan after getting just a glimpse of your first hand.
Player 1: But I didn't want to take a mulligan, he didn't hear me the first time, that's why I repeated myself! This happened before and I got some compensation.
Judge: A ha! But that is exactly why you are being punished this time. We already compensated you for this rule, but NO MORE! EVERYBODY PAY ATTENTION--This is a rule that is in place here at this store for months now. You should all know by now, and we are not being lenient for this rule any more. Anyone who says Yes twice to "Would you like to go first!" will receive an automatic mulligan penalty! This is the rule of MTGO and you must always abide by it. No compensation, because we don't care about the fact you might know about the rule, but accidentally said yes twice. We are too busy to give compensation all the time and we are certainly not making enough money from this store to be able to give compensation--and therefore make our customers happy.
(a 2nd, judge, to a 3rd judge): We certainly have time to chime in on anyone expressing their opinion about our opinions of certain Hall of Fame candidates, though.

Player 1 & 8 doggedly finish the rest of their match, afraid to complain any more.
Back to Dave and TOD:
Dave: Oh I know, let's also have an Onslaught block tournament!
TOD: Oh sounds good. What should be wrong with this one?
Dave: Let's make it longer than announced?
TOD: Oh oh that's sounds good. A new one! We haven't thought of that before have we!
Dave: We're truly breaking new ground here.
TOD: Let's do an extra round plus a top 8
Dave: That should really confuse people!
TOD: What about if people ask for some kind of compensation?
Dave: Why should they be compensated? They had extra fun, and certainly nobody had anything to do after round 6 anyway???
TOD: Right. Plus we don't make enough money off MTGO to have people to double-check these things. They should be grateful the time and date on the announcement were correct! And that they didn't get a randomized deck to start each round!