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If MTGO were a real-life store holding Farewell ME3 events or a big Onslaught sealed event
2 years ago  ::  Mar 22, 2010 - 6:43AM #1
Fistandantilus0
Date Joined: Nov 20, 2008
Posts: 154
The continuing adventures of MTGO.  Part 2 is here:
community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/758...
(If Wizards were a real-life store doing an Exodus release event)

Part 1 is here:
community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/758...
(If MTGO were a reallife store holding a PTQ)

March 18:  So Dave and TOD (the owners of the fictional real-life store that represents MTGO) are talking about having some events over the weekend of March 19-21.

Dave:  Let's have some ME3 farewell events.
TOD:  Sounds good.
Dave:  Hey for a change though, let's post the actual dates and times as correct.
TOD:  Aw, are you sure?  But how will we have some fun with our customers?  How will we laugh at them from behind the curtain?
Dave: Watch and see...

Flash-forward to the top-8 of an ME3 event:

Judge about to hand out product for the draft:  "Hey guys, here you are.  I know you're here specifically to play with this nostalgic set right?  Maybe get some duals, given we're going to start emphasizing Legacy soon right?  Here you go.  HERE'S SOME M10 LOLOLOL!"

Player 1:  But that's not right, you told us in advance this would be an ME3 draft.  Can I get some compensation?  Maybe just get a draft set since it's too late to switch?
Player 2:  That sounds about right...I mean I understand the manager isn't here, available to talk to us, but maybe later he could fix it?

Judge:  NOPE!  NO COMPENSATION! 

Player 1:  Ok fine.  Player 8, let's play our first match.
Player 8:  Sure no problem.  You've won the die roll.
Player 1:  So I have!
Player 8:  Would you like to go first?
Player 1:  Yes
Player 8:  I didn't hear you, sorry.  Would you like to go first?
Player 1:  Yes
Judge, swooping in:  A HA!  I have heard you say twice that you would like to go first!  You must now take an automatic mulligan after getting just a glimpse of your first hand.
Player 1:  But I didn't want to take a mulligan, he didn't hear me the first time, that's why I repeated myself!  This happened before and I got some compensation.

Judge:  A ha!  But that is exactly why you are being punished this time.  We already compensated you for this rule, but NO MORE!    EVERYBODY PAY ATTENTION--This is a rule that is in place here at this store for months now.  You should all know by now, and we are not being lenient for this rule any more.  Anyone who says Yes twice to "Would you like to go first!" will receive an automatic mulligan penalty!  This is the rule of MTGO and you must always abide by it.  No compensation, because we don't care about the fact you might know about the rule, but accidentally said yes twice.  We are too busy to give compensation all the time and we are certainly not making enough money from this store to be able to give compensation--and therefore make our customers happy.

(a 2nd, judge, to a 3rd judge):  We certainly have time to chime in on anyone expressing their opinion about our opinions of certain Hall of Fame candidates, though. 

Player 1 & 8 doggedly finish the rest of their match, afraid to complain any more.

Back to Dave and TOD:

Dave: Oh I know, let's also have an Onslaught block tournament!
TOD:  Oh sounds good.  What should be wrong with this one?
Dave:  Let's make it longer than announced?
TOD:  Oh oh that's sounds good.  A new one!  We haven't thought of that before have we!
Dave:  We're truly breaking new ground here.
TOD:  Let's do an extra round plus a top 8
Dave:  That should really confuse people!
TOD:  What about if people ask for some kind of compensation?
Dave:  Why should they be compensated?  They had extra fun, and certainly nobody had anything to do after round 6 anyway???
TOD:  Right.  Plus we don't make enough money off MTGO to have people to double-check these things.  They should be grateful the time and date on the announcement were correct!  And that they didn't get a randomized deck to start each round!



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2 years ago  ::  Mar 22, 2010 - 6:55AM #2
Door_Closer
Date Joined: Aug 12, 2003
Posts: 893
LOL
I usually play as RogueDesigner.
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2 years ago  ::  Mar 22, 2010 - 7:41AM #3
Calavera777
Date Joined: Mar 11, 2009
Posts: 1,472
I think you forgot the best part...

"When should we have the MED Premiere Events so everyone can say farewell?"

"Hmm let's start the first one Thursday at 6pm! Perfect time for all the west coasters!"

"but isn't that 1 hour after the San Quan PTQ?"

"Yes! Perfect! Now everyone who wants to do both has to double event or just skip the MED3!, now Friday... hmm 8am"

"Great, everyone is at work during that one!"

"What about the weekend, very few people work they might actually be able to play in most of these"

"Well let's only have two then... Can't let them have too much fun"

"Saturday 3pm... Gotta throw them a bone sometime I guess. "

"Sunday...7pm is perfect.... no one wil lbe able to stay up for it or function at work on Monday!"

"hahaha"

"Monday... hmm let's do one at 6am!"

"Sweet! how about Tuesday at 7am for all the people who thought 6am was too early?"

"Awesome! I bet we won't have too many entrants for these!"
I collect Zendikar Foil Basic lands. Trade me yours!
Things that I want to see changed on MTGO:
1: 64 man drafts added to rotation of Events.
2: Friday night Classic/Better event times for Classic.
3: Visual/Audible Notification of disconnect, deckbuild/afk time expiring and round starts.
4: Prize Payouts as close to draft sets as possible.
5: Rotate Classic draft queues monthly!
6: MOCS level events for Classic/Pauper
7: Power 9!
8: Award Promo Cards for Constructed PEs (esp for Legacy/Classic)
9: Program Split option back in!
10: Set Favorite version in deck editor (i.e. always use x swamp)
11: Better sorting of gold cards in deck editor.
12: Bring leagues Back!
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2 years ago  ::  Mar 22, 2010 - 7:45AM #4
dangerlinto
  • Classically trained
Date Joined: Aug 31, 2004
Posts: 2,079

Mar 22, 2010 -- 7:41AM, Calavera777 wrote:

"Monday... hmm let's do one at 6am!"

"Sweet! how about Tuesday at 7am for all the people who thought 6am was too early?"

"Awesome! I bet we won't have too many entrants for these!"




Today's (Monday) is at 2pm PST (5pm EST)
Tomorrow's (Tuesday) is at 3pm PST (6pm EST)

Most of the times did suck. Oh well - Weekend Challenges from here on out.

Classic Quarter
(www.classicquarter.com)
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2 years ago  ::  Mar 22, 2010 - 7:54AM #5
Calavera777
Date Joined: Mar 11, 2009
Posts: 1,472

Mar 22, 2010 -- 7:45AM, dangerlinto wrote:

Mar 22, 2010 -- 7:41AM, Calavera777 wrote:

"Monday... hmm let's do one at 6am!"

"Sweet! how about Tuesday at 7am for all the people who thought 6am was too early?"

"Awesome! I bet we won't have too many entrants for these!"




Today's (Monday) is at 2pm PST (5pm EST)
Tomorrow's (Tuesday) is at 3pm PST (6pm EST)

Most of the times did suck. Oh well - Weekend Challenges from here on out.




MED3 events.. I didn't even talk about the Classic Event Schedule. those are actually pretty decent... if  you are east coast.

I collect Zendikar Foil Basic lands. Trade me yours!
Things that I want to see changed on MTGO:
1: 64 man drafts added to rotation of Events.
2: Friday night Classic/Better event times for Classic.
3: Visual/Audible Notification of disconnect, deckbuild/afk time expiring and round starts.
4: Prize Payouts as close to draft sets as possible.
5: Rotate Classic draft queues monthly!
6: MOCS level events for Classic/Pauper
7: Power 9!
8: Award Promo Cards for Constructed PEs (esp for Legacy/Classic)
9: Program Split option back in!
10: Set Favorite version in deck editor (i.e. always use x swamp)
11: Better sorting of gold cards in deck editor.
12: Bring leagues Back!
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2 years ago  ::  Mar 22, 2010 - 1:54PM #6
mrpage
Date Joined: Feb 12, 2008
Posts: 160

Mar 22, 2010 -- 6:43AM, Fistandantilus0 wrote:


Player 8:  Would you like to go first?
Player 1:  Yes
Player 8:  I didn't hear you, sorry.  Would you like to go first?
Player 1:  Yes
Judge, swooping in:  A HA!  I have heard you say twice that you would like to go first!  You must now take an automatic mulligan after getting just a glimpse of your first hand.



I lol'ed and then died a little inside as I lost a round in the MOCS to this and ended up 6-2 missing the top 8. I guess it's funny cause it's true.



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2 years ago  ::  Mar 22, 2010 - 3:22PM #7
beason
Date Joined: Feb 6, 2008
Posts: 31
Manatees are to Family Guy as Paul Blart is to Magic Online
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2 years ago  ::  Mar 22, 2010 - 7:26PM #8
Salogy
  • Never gonna give you up
Date Joined: Jun 13, 2006
Posts: 372
I always loved these topics. Keep them coming Guest.
It is vain to look for a defense against lightning. - Publius Syrus (42 B.C.)
How can two people split a point that has no value?
“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.” -Albert Einstein
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2 years ago  ::  Mar 22, 2010 - 7:55PM #9
MagnetoXX
Date Joined: Mar 5, 2004
Posts: 441
How can anyone in charge of MODO read this and not be absolutely disgusted with the service they provide?  Do they really screw up and not feel absolutely pathetic for dropping the ball time after time?
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2 years ago  ::  Mar 22, 2010 - 8:58PM #10
sperry
Date Joined: Jan 6, 2006
Posts: 1,453
This really is good satire.  I love it.
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