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Magic: The Gathering You Make the Card Cards that are far less interesting than they...
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Flag Purple_Shrimp January 3, 2013 11:35 PM PST
Some examples:

Dark Bargain  
Sorcery
Choose a number, then target opponent chooses one: That player loses that much life; or that player's life total becomes that number.

Discover
Sorcery
Search your library for two cards at random and put them into your hand, then shuffle your library.

GO 
Flag morticianjohn January 4, 2013 12:45 AM PST
Suppress the Willing
Enchantment
Whenever an opponent gains life you may destroy target creature.
Flag metalevolence January 4, 2013 12:58 AM PST
Squanderforce
Enchantment
Whenever a permanent you control becomes untapped, add to your mana pool.

well I tried
Flag Purple_Shrimp January 4, 2013 1:46 AM PST
my intention was for the cards to be almost fundamentally identical to cards with a much simpler wording, like how Discover is almost always "Shuffle your library, then draw two cards"
Flag metalevolence January 4, 2013 1:58 AM PST
yeah, I got it, they're just hard to come up with


 
Flag Purple_Shrimp January 4, 2013 3:48 AM PST
THEN WHY POST
Flag magicpablo666 January 4, 2013 8:50 AM PST
How is this hard for you people?

Limited Option
Instant
Destroy target permanent if its type(s) do(es) not extend beyond the following: Artifact, Land, Enchantment, and Planeswalker.



By the way, I really like Discover.
Flag Esterdi January 4, 2013 8:58 AM PST
I am bored.

Prohibition 
Enchantment


As Prohibition enters the battlefield, name a nonland card.

Whenever the named card is cast, it is countered and returned to its controller's hand.



Was trying to make an unintuitive Nevermore , but this actually is weaker in some sense: Storm count.

So...counts or not? 

 
Flag Fenix. January 4, 2013 9:02 AM PST
Damned Choice
Sorcery
Target opponent separates the cards in his or hand in two piles, then chooses one. You may have that player discard that pile. If you don't, he or she discards the other pile.
Flag HairlessThoctar January 4, 2013 9:04 AM PST
Drown

Instant
Destroy target creature. If that creature would be put into it's owner's graveyard this turn, put it into its owner's hand instead.

Biggify

Instant
Put three  +1/+1 counters on target creature. Remove those counters at the beginning of the next unstep.

Do it again

Sorcery
Untap all permanents you control and draw a card. After this main phase there is an additional combat phase.

Bargain

Instant
The next spell you cast this turn costs less.      
Flag Esterdi January 4, 2013 9:23 AM PST

Jan 4, 2013 -- 9:04AM, HairlessThoctar wrote:

Drown

Instant
Destroy target creature. If that creature would be put into it's owner's graveyard this turn, put it into its owner's hand instead.




That is actually horrible compared to Unsummon.

Flag Rush_Clasic January 4, 2013 10:17 AM PST
Anger of Divinity
Sorcery
Put each creature that isn't indestructible into its owner's graveyard.

Jan 4, 2013 -- 9:04AM, HairlessThoctar wrote:

Remove those counters at the beginning of the next unstep.


I think I just found the idea to base my next set around.

Flag nukeshooter January 4, 2013 10:34 AM PST
Momentary Lapse
Instant
Counter target spell. If it is countered this way return it to its owner's hand, and add mana equal to that spell's mana cost to its owner's mana pool. (Mana cost includes colour)
"Did I blink, or did nothing just happen?"


I hate to toot my own horn, but I like the flavour text on this one :P
Flag bay_falconer January 4, 2013 10:44 AM PST
Is it bad that I can see u s e s for Biggify?

Also, I'm sure you know the flavor text of the original Time Warp right? It's just a jump to the left...
Flag KeeperofManyNames January 4, 2013 10:59 AM PST
Strobing Assault  
Instant
If target creature would be dealt combat damage this turn, prevent that damage. At the end of combat, each creature that would have dealt damage to the targetted creature deals damage equal to their power to the targetted creature, and the targetted creature deals damage divided as you choose among those creatures.

Wow, I feel like I'm designing Alpha or something.

Oh wait, sorry, not quite:

Strobing Assault  
Instant Interrupt
If target creature would be dealt combat damage this turn, prevent that damage. At the end of combat, each creature that would have dealt damage to the targetted creature deals damage equal to their power to the targetted creature, and the targetted creature deals damage divided as you choose among those creatures.

There we go. 
Flag Nyktos January 4, 2013 1:00 PM PST

Jan 4, 2013 -- 9:23AM, Esterdi wrote:

Jan 4, 2013 -- 9:04AM, HairlessThoctar wrote:

Drown

Instant
Destroy target creature. If that creature would be put into it's owner's graveyard this turn, put it into its owner's hand instead.




That is actually horrible compared to Unsummon.


Actually it's much better, given that it destroys the creature before creating the continuous effect that would prevent it from going to a graveyard...

Flag Esterdi January 4, 2013 1:03 PM PST

Jan 4, 2013 -- 1:00PM, Nyktos wrote:

Jan 4, 2013 -- 9:23AM, Esterdi wrote:

Jan 4, 2013 -- 9:04AM, HairlessThoctar wrote:

Drown

Instant
Destroy target creature. If that creature would be put into it's owner's graveyard this turn, put it into its owner's hand instead.




That is actually horrible compared to Unsummon.


Actually it's much better, given that it destroys the creature before creating the continuous effect that would prevent it from going to a graveyard...




Unsummon hits regeneraters and indestructibles. That thing does neither.

Flag Matt_Holck January 4, 2013 1:12 PM PST
triggers when goes to the graveyard effects
Flag Nyktos January 4, 2013 1:12 PM PST

Jan 4, 2013 -- 1:03PM, Esterdi wrote:

Unsummon hits regeneraters and indestructibles. That thing does neither.


Yes, but a one-mana blue Murder is still a better card.

Flag ChaosLight January 4, 2013 1:17 PM PST
Indes and regen is very rare, and this triggers enter the grave abilities. So neither are better, they are different things.
Flag Dilleux_Lepaire January 4, 2013 3:03 PM PST
It doesn't hit the graveyard, it's a replacement effect.

It isn't a one-mana Murder for the same reason that Dissipate works.
Flag Kazepenku January 4, 2013 5:55 PM PST
Kingmaker 8/5
Creature - Human Advisor
Kingmaker can only attack or block on turn 6. Sacrifice Kingmaker at the end of turn 6 and put a 1/1 indestructible, hexproof King token that says "if this token deals combat damage to a player, that player loses the game". 

lol.
Flag Nyktos January 4, 2013 6:18 PM PST

Jan 4, 2013 -- 3:03PM, Dilleux_Lepaire wrote:

It isn't a one-mana Murder for the same reason that Dissipate works.


You should probably compare the actual wordings between that card and Dissipate; they're pretty different. If it were worded like Dissipate I agree it would work.

Flag Purple_Shrimp January 4, 2013 9:34 PM PST
Mindreading
Sorcery
Each player secretly chooses a number between 1 and 20, then each player simultaneously reveals his or her choice. If you chose the same number as another player, draw two cards. Otherwise, draw two cards.

this isn't exactly the same style as what I intended, but I thought it was worth sharing 
Flag FirstTurnKill January 4, 2013 9:51 PM PST
Upside Down |
Instant
Until end of turn the lesser of target creature's power or toughness becomes the greater of that creature's power or toughness, and the greater of that creature's power or toughness becomes the lesser of that creature's power or toughness.
Not quite the switch we were expecting.
Flag KeeperofManyNames January 4, 2013 10:06 PM PST

Jan 4, 2013 -- 9:34PM, Purple_Shrimp wrote:

Mindreading
Sorcery
Each player secretly chooses a number between 1 and 20, then each player simultaneously reveals his or her choice. If you chose the same number as another player, draw two cards. Otherwise, draw two cards.

this isn't exactly the same style as what I intended, but I thought it was worth sharing 


I laughed out loud at this. This is great.

@FTK:

Alternately, "Find the difference between target creature's power and toughness. If the power is greater than the toughness, that creature gets -X/+X, where X is that difference. Otherwise, that creature gets +X/-X. (This effect lasts indefinitely)

Flag FirstTurnKill January 4, 2013 10:12 PM PST

Jan 4, 2013 -- 10:06PM, KeeperofManyNames wrote:

I laughed out loud at this. This is great.

@FTK:

Alternately, "Find the difference between target creature's power and toughness. If the power is greater than the toughness, that creature gets -X/+X, where X is that difference. Otherwise, that creature gets +X/-X. (This effect lasts indefinitely)



I apparently forgot the "Until end of turn" clause thanks to getting confused by my own creation -- but yes, there are many ways to word lots of effects in a convoluted manner.  As you alluded to before, most of those ways were probably explored at one point between Alpha and Homelands.

Flag Glasir January 4, 2013 10:12 PM PST
To the Random button!

Thought Inspection
Sorcery

Target player exiles a card at random from his or her hand and you gain 1 life.  Repeat this process until that player has no cards in hand.  Then that player returns all cards exiled this way to his or her hand.
Flag Matt_Holck January 4, 2013 10:20 PM PST
It's turn 3, I still have 7 cards in my hand. That's not a bad plan

lol at 2 card draw
Flag Qmark January 4, 2013 10:23 PM PST
Levee
G
Instant
Regenerate target land.
Flag FirstTurnKill January 4, 2013 10:29 PM PST

Jan 4, 2013 -- 10:23PM, Qmark wrote:

Levee
G
Instant
Regenerate target land.



I thought the goal was to make understandable things obtuse, not make obtuse things understandable.

Flag Fenix. January 4, 2013 10:41 PM PST

Jan 4, 2013 -- 10:12PM, Glasir wrote:

To the Random button!



gud idea

Evolving Wilds
Land
~ enters the battlefield tapped.
Imprint - when ~ enters the battlefield, you may search your library for a basic land card and exile it. ~ becomes a copy of that card.

Flag FirstTurnKill January 4, 2013 10:52 PM PST
Curse you, Random Button!

Velis Vel
Plane
Each creature gets +X/+X and -Y/-Y, where X is the number of creatures on the battlefield, and Y is the number of creatures on the battlefield that don't share at least one creature type with it.
Whenever you roll , choose all creature types; target creature becomes those types in addition to its other types until end of turn.
Flag TPmanW January 4, 2013 11:34 PM PST
Ooh a way to get some satisfaction out of all the dissapointing cards I made! [rummages through files]
Flag Dilleux_Lepaire January 5, 2013 11:27 AM PST

Jan 4, 2013 -- 6:18PM, Nyktos wrote:

Jan 4, 2013 -- 3:03PM, Dilleux_Lepaire wrote:

It isn't a one-mana Murder for the same reason that Dissipate works.


You should probably compare the actual wordings between that card and Dissipate; they're pretty different. If it were worded like Dissipate I agree it would work.




Relevant rule :


 614.15. Some replacement effects are not continuous effects. Rather, they are an effect of a resolving spell or ability that replace part or all of that spell or ability's own effect(s). Such effects are called self-replacement effects. When applying replacement effects to an event, self-replacement effects are applied before other replacement effects.




It seems you're right  

Flag HairlessThoctar January 5, 2013 11:43 AM PST

Jan 4, 2013 -- 10:17AM, Rush_Clasic wrote:



Jan 4, 2013 -- 9:04AM, HairlessThoctar wrote:

Remove those counters at the beginning of the next unstep.


I think I just found the idea to base my next set around.




I'm filled with a mix of glee and terror.

Jan 4, 2013 -- 10:44AM, bay_falconer wrote:

Is it bad that I can see u s e s for Biggify?




I was aware that the functionality of some of my designs was different enough that they might be situationally better. That's fine, but I had assumed that the goal of this thread was to take a fairly simple effect and make it as needlessly wordy as possible.

I'm very proud that a card I designed caused such a ruckus.
#MissionComplete
  
A Gift of Four Things

Sorcery
Take the top card of your library and put it into your hand, then take the top card of your library and put it into your hand, then take the top card of your library and put it into your hand, then take the top card of your library and put it into your hand.

Mean Lady

Legendary Creature-Huge Bitch
Whenever Mean Lady deals damage to a creature, destroy that creature.
Whenever Mean Lady deals damage to a player, that player's life total becomes 0, they gain 10 poison counters, and they draw a card for each card in their library plus one.
4/4

Stormy head

Sorcery
Put the top three cards from your library into your hand. Then choose all but two cards in your hand. Undraw the cards you didn't choose in any order.

Flag Dilleux_Lepaire January 5, 2013 12:45 PM PST

Jan 5, 2013 -- 11:43AM, HairlessThoctar wrote:


Mean Lady

Legendary Creature-Huge Bitch
Whenever Mean Lady deals damage to a creature, destroy that creature.
Whenever Mean Lady deals damage to a player, that player's life total becomes 0, they gain 10 poison counters, and they draw a card for each card in their library plus one.
4/4




Make it happen, Wizards!

Flag theatog January 5, 2013 1:01 PM PST
Think Again
Sorcery
Draw a card.
Rebound
Flag theatog January 5, 2013 1:03 PM PST
Think harder
Sorcery
Draw a card. If ~ was kicked, draw another card.
Kicker
Flag CommanderJim January 5, 2013 1:03 PM PST
Azorius Justice-er
Creature - Human Wizard (U)
When Azorius Justic-er enters the battlefield, you may put a white Aura enchantment token named Detain onto the battlefield with "Enchant creature you don't control," "Enchanted creature can't attack or block, and its activated abilities can't be activated," and "At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice this enchantment."
When Azorius Justic-er enters the battlefield, you may put a token onto the battlefield that's a copy of target enchantment named Detain.
"Are you a crimer? Prepare to be justiced."
2/2
Flag metalevolence January 5, 2013 1:05 PM PST
jim why are you not working for wotc writing flavor text
Flag theatog January 5, 2013 1:06 PM PST
You Didn't Think Hard Enough
Sorcery
An opponent choose one - You draw any number of cards; or you draw two cards.
Flag theatog January 5, 2013 1:13 PM PST
Think of the View
Sorcery
Draw a card for each land you control. You can't draw more than two cards this way.



You Don't Think
Sorcery
Until end of turn, if target player would draw a card, instead that player skips that draw and you draw a card. That player draws two cards.
Flag theatog January 5, 2013 1:16 PM PST
Mysteries of Thinking
Instant
Landfall — If you had a land enter the battlefield under your control this turn, draw two cards.


Think Even Harder
Instant
If you have drawn a card this turn, draw two cards.
Flag CommanderJim January 5, 2013 1:18 PM PST

Jan 5, 2013 -- 1:05PM, metalevolence wrote:

jim why are you not working for wotc writing flavor text



I used to.

Speaking of which...

Ingot Chew
Tribal Sorcery - Elemental (C)
Destroy target artifact. When that artifact is destroyed this way, you may pay . If you do, return that artifact to the battlefield under your control. It enters the battlefield as a 3/3 red Elemental creature with no abilities.
Smashitude
-Kithkin expression
meaning
"Smashitude"

I could do this all day. 

Flag ChaosLight January 5, 2013 1:18 PM PST

Jan 5, 2013 -- 1:03PM, theatog wrote:

Think harder
Sorcery
Draw a card. If ~ was kicked, draw another card.
Kicker




This is actually a really really good card.

Flag theatog January 5, 2013 1:20 PM PST

Jan 5, 2013 -- 1:18PM, ChaosLight wrote:

Jan 5, 2013 -- 1:03PM, theatog wrote:

Think harder
Sorcery
Draw a card. If ~ was kicked, draw another card.
Kicker




This is actually a really really good card.


yea it's just if you don't kick it, it's so much worse than preordain or ponder XD
But i see what you mean, the versatility and "curve potential" is still really more good than it should be (in the context of this thread)

Flag theatog January 5, 2013 1:24 PM PST
Will you do the honor and rename it?

Coz' I think "Think Even Harder" (think card #7) deserves the name "Think Harder" (think card #2) than "Think Harder" itself.
Flag theatog January 5, 2013 1:27 PM PST

Jan 5, 2013 -- 1:18PM, CommanderJim wrote:



I could do this all day. 


Me too.

Btw, I don't quite get your first card. Are the "Detain" permanent? And I don't think the second trigger can copy what it creates with the first trigger. (You probably have to choose the target when it's on the stack)
EDIT: oh i think you edited it. Still the second ability will probably won't work. You might as well just put "repeat this process once". (And if you already cast another one of those early, to my understanding, your copy goes through shroud/hexproof)

Flag theatog January 5, 2013 1:35 PM PST
Brain Fix
Instant
Put two cards from your hand on top of your library in any order, then draw three cards.
Break this.
Flag CommanderJim January 5, 2013 1:52 PM PST

Jan 5, 2013 -- 1:27PM, theatog wrote:

Jan 5, 2013 -- 1:18PM, CommanderJim wrote:



I could do this all day. 


Me too.

Btw, I don't quite get your first card. Are the "Detain" permanent? And I don't think the second trigger can copy what it creates with the first trigger. (You probably have to choose the target when it's on the stack)
EDIT: oh i think you edited it. Still the second ability will probably won't work. You might as well just put "repeat this process once". (And if you already cast another one of those early, to my understanding, your copy goes through shroud/hexproof)



Oh, you're right. Well, I could always make it "Choose an enchantment named Detain on the battlefield" instead of targetting one. 

Flag TPmanW January 5, 2013 4:28 PM PST
Okay, this might not fit but I'm determined to bring it up whenever I get the chance.
Spoiler: Show


Tis' a thing 'o beauty nay? 'A ya ever ken 'is like afore?
Flag ChaosLight January 5, 2013 5:09 PM PST
You made my game amazing. Then the game died.
Flag CommanderJim January 5, 2013 5:25 PM PST
Fine.

Falkenrath Meanie
Creature - Vampire Jerk (C)
Sacrifice a creature: Falkenrath Meanie gains reach until end of turn and can't be blocked this turn except by creatures with flying or reach.
Sacrifice a Human creature:  Falkenrath Meanie gains reach until end of turn and can't be blocked this turn except by creatures with flying or reach. Put a blood counter on Falkenrath Meanie.
Falkenrath Meanie gets +1/+1 for each blood counter on it.
It turns out the "torture humans until they die" method of farming wasn't sustainable after all.
2/1
Flag ChaosLight January 5, 2013 5:37 PM PST
Forked Lightning
Instant
~ deals 1 damage to target creature or player. If a creature or player was dealt damage this way, ~ deals 2 damage to that target.
On dominaria, lightning always strikes twice.
Flag CommanderJim January 5, 2013 5:53 PM PST
Hm, I randomly got Jump . This might be tough.

Hop
Sorcery (C)
Flash
Hop costs more to cast for each creature it targets.
Name a card, then flip a coin. If you lose the flip, repeat this process. 
Choose one - Target creature without flying gains flying until end of turn; or target creature with flying gets -X/+X until end of turn, where X is Hop's converted mana cost.
"Humanity has always envied the power of flight. So we invented Air Jordans." -Scytha, baller
Flag metalevolence January 5, 2013 6:47 PM PST

Jan 5, 2013 -- 4:28PM, TPmanW wrote:

Okay, this might not fit but I'm determined to bring it up whenever I get the chance.
Spoiler: Show



Tis' a thing 'o beauty nay? 'A ya ever ken 'is like afore?



that was more or less the best thing that has ever happened

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