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6 months ago  ::  Dec 10, 2012 - 1:06PM #1
puzzledmint
Date Joined: Jul 18, 2012
Posts: 637

Pull of the Abyss:  



Enchantment


At the beginning of your upkeep, you may sacrifice Pull of the Abyss. If you don't, you lose 2 life.


Whenever a creature dies, if it's the first creature to die this turn, put an Abyssal counter on Pull of the Abyss.


Creatures get -0/-X, where X is the number of Abyssal counters that were on Pull of the Abyss at the start of the current turn.



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If the wording seems odd at some points, it's because it took a lot of fine-tuning to get the card to work exactly the way I wanted it.


The original concept was simply "whenever a creature dies, put a counter -> creatures get -X", but that approach would snowball far too quickly when there are a lot of low-toughness creatures on the field.


I decided the best way to smooth out the power curve was to have it so that counters could only be added once a turn. At first, I simply went with "at the beginning of each end step, if a creature died this turn", but I wanted to avoid corner cases where the ability simply wouldn't work -- creatures dying after the beginning of the end step when it was too late to trigger, or the end step being skipped entirely.


I tried changing it to "at the beginning of each upkeep, if a creature died last turn" -- after all, it worked for werewolves. But that just got even more awkward when considering the possibility of multiple upkeeps.


So I finally settled on having the counter added immediately when a creature dies, and making the static effect only change values once per turn. This can result in the odd game state of having a 0-toughness creature alive for the duration of the untap step, but it doesn't result in any rules shenanigans, since it will just die the next time SBAs are checked. At which point, it will add another counter, which is why I only wanted the value of X to change once per turn; if it updates immediately, then you lose that chance at a free counter -- it also gives your opponent the chance to drop something that will raise the creature's toughness, giving more options to play around and interact with the card.


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I don't consider myself to be a Vorthos, but I really like the flavor here. Every time you kill a creature, the pull of death grows even stronger, slowly drawing in everything. Even the upkeep cost - apart from allowing you to ditch the card if it becomes too troublesome - represents the player himself being slowly pulled into the grave - and is specifically worded the way it is to give players the option of killing themselves with it, if they so desire. After all, summoning a portal to the void to suck in your enemies at the risk of being sucked in yourself feels, to me, like a very thing to do.


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Originally, I thought would be an appropriate mana cost, but that was before I added the once-per-turn clause. WIth that in place, I felt a four mana cost made it too slow to gain any benefit from in competitive play. I considered dropping it down to to bring it in line with some of the Zendikar quests. With the upkeep cost offsetting the immediate-and-increasing benefit compared to the delated-but-static benefit of quests, that seemed like a reasonable cost for a 1V1 environment, however, the more players there are, the faster this thing can grow. I felt the extra was necessary to keep it reasonable in multiplayer environments, while still giving the option of powering it out with a Dark Ritual .


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Given that wall of text, I probably don't need to state that I've put more thought into this card than I have most others I've come up with.


But I stated it anyways.

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6 months ago  ::  Dec 10, 2012 - 3:47PM #2
GM_Champion
Date Joined: Oct 10, 2011
Posts: 2,784

Here is my wording brush up,

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, sacrifice Pull of the Abyss.
Whenever a creature dies, if it's the first creature to die this turn, put an Abyssal counter on Pull of the Abyss.
Creatures get -0/-X, where X is the number of Abyssal counters that were on Pull of the Abyss at the start of the current turn.


Looks really powerful. However, there is a lot of build up for it so I'd imagine its best potential is going to be in limited formats. I don't personally like the name of the counter type you've chosen. Abyssal counter is too generic. It's not really relative of anything. Try to use counter names that are action-based or descriptive. For this design, void counter or force counter would be a good example. The void is the essence of the abyss. As it builds up, it stretches time-space like a blackhole. Force is the same concept, only being more descriptive. As the force builds up, the power of the abyss has a greater effect. This counts for serious amount of style and appeal, so try to keep things stylish. 

I understand your reason for calibrating the final ability so that it's rounded down, but given the build up, I think it's just crowding the text-space. It's not really a big issue, and the effects it provides to be rounded down are important, but the wording composure isn't very appealing.

Creatures get -0/-X, where X is the number of Abyssal counters that were on Pull of the Abyss at the start of this turn.

That reads a little better, but still not all that great.

Just compare,

Each creatures gets -0/-1 for each Abyssal counter on Pull of the Abyss.

One of them is much neater, reads easier, and thus, a better composure. Even so, the limitation of the ability is important because powering down a creature's toughness is serious business. That kind of power does warrant such an out-of-the-way operation.  

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6 months ago  ::  Dec 10, 2012 - 3:59PM #3
Mown
Date Joined: Apr 28, 2008
Posts: 16,683
Doesn't your "brush up" change only one thing, which was intentionally designed to work the other way?

Anyway, I'd say that the clunky wording is the main thing holding the card down, although there's also a bit of "this is slightly strange but okay" to it too. Given the things you've stated, I would personally:

Pull from the Abyss
Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, you lose 2 life unless you sacrifice ~.
At the beginning of each end step, if a creature died this turn, put an Abyssal counter on ~.
Creatures get -0/-1 for each Abyssal counter on ~.

Functionally, the only thing I think it loses out on is that the toughness reduction happens at the end of a turn, so you're not going to get a sudden toughness drop that allows it to automatically chew through a number of creatures with escalating toughness all by itself. Alternatively, if that's desireable, you can make it triggered.

Pull from the Abyss
Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may sacrifice ~. If you don't, you lose 2 life, and all creatures get -0/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of Abyssal counters on ~.
At the beginning of each end step, if a creature died this turn, put an Abyssal counter on ~.

Edit: That might need to be on every upkeep, thinking about it.

Jan 18, 2012 -- 3:34AM, Imidazoline wrote:

Everything Mown does is elegant.


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6 months ago  ::  Dec 10, 2012 - 4:14PM #4
Strago_Magus
Date Joined: Oct 9, 2009
Posts: 1,059
So at the start of one turn, creatures will get -0/-1 because one counter was placed on the enchantment.  Ideally, you'd only want one additional counter placed on the enchantment, so at the start of the next turn creatures get -0/-2 (by the way, I love the flavor).  One word, though: proliferate.
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