NEW FREE POEMS THREAD! Here's the rules
1: Check this list before you ask for anything
2: Check this list before you ask for anything (Repeated for importance)
3: Don't ask for any pre-oddyssey legends or any very obscure cards
(Note: No, I don't care how to spell Oddessey)
4: No, I will not make a better poem for Arcanis.
5: Ask nicely or no poem for you
6: Hi, Rachel. ::hug::
7: Feel free to sig any poem here, but follow it with a link to this thread if you do.
8: I hate Slivers, Elves, and Akroma, among other things. I cannot garuntee that a poem about a given card will be FAVORABLE to that card.
9: No, I will not make a better poem for Arcanis.
10: I probably saw your post the first time. If I didn't post a poem, it means I chose not to or haven't gotten around to it. Don't ask again until you see that I'm "caught up" with all other poems asked for. Abyssal Horror
Card advantage is always fun,
When you're trading two for one,
But six mana's far too much a pain,
If two discards don't win you the game. Akroma, Angel of Wrath
Akroma is a false angel who claims a rightous cause,
She lets no one escape her wrath, no man escape her claws.
Sent to avenge sweet Nivea, an honorable girl,
The grusome tasks Akroma did could make even Yawgmoth hurl.
Beseiged the peaceful Averru, attacked the shadow men,
While Sash and Waistcoat are just fine, we'll ne'er see Umbra again.
And still, what's worse, her evil war, outlet for her greatest rage,
Was all for the sake of dark revenge, against the lovely Phage.
When the Patriarch and the great Kamahl united against her,
The formed the strongest blade of all time, the mighty axe Soul Reaper,
Two years went by as Akroma gathered armies in the land,
Then Kamahl want to confront her, Soul Reaper in his hand,
He came to her as she battled Phage, the two grappling on the floor,
And while he still wished to save his sister, he had to kill the angel *****,
His axe came down upon them, striking clean and true,
Slicing swiftly through them, it chopped the cruel angel in two.
When the dust had settled, Jeska rose stronger than before,
So Karona came from my beloved, and now I simply love her more. Arcanis the Omnipotent
Arcanis is omnipotent,
At least that's what is said,
But Chainer trounced his wizard ass,
And now his pride is dead. Arcbound Ravager
Ravager costs a measly two,
And starts out a one one...
He's kind of like an atog,
But he seems a bit more fun.
Unlike our uber-common friend,
Ravager makes the bonus last.
The power bonus stays in play,
Even when he's a thing of the past.
So love Arcbound Ravager,
For he feeds and spreads the joy.
So toss him your old Welding Jar,
But don't let him near Squee's Toy. Arc-Slogger
It slogs through arcs, apparently,
This four five beat for red-red three.
If you're not afraid of mill,
Pay a red and let it kill,
And elf or other puny thing,
With it's shocking sort of ping.
I'd say he's not bad in the least,
But for god's sake, no more "Creature-Beast!" Argothian Wurm
(Paperclip of Doom)
Funky guy this one was.
4 mana for one of two things it does.
4 mana for a turn four land-D.
In a way the effect reacurrs, that's just dandy.
If your opponent gets tired of losing lands,
He'll have a 6/6 trampling beatstick in his hands. Basking Rootwalla
A small, self-pumping creature,
Fits perfectly in green,
But the Basking Rootwalla
Seems unecesarrily mean.
Sure he eats your mana,
And he can't grow past three-three,
But if you know what you're doing,
His casting cost is free. Beacon of Unrest
Zombify is coming back,
This time works for artifacts,
Shuffled back after use,
Enabling some more abuse.
Scrap Verdant Force to Insidious Dreams,
And begin your evil schemes.
Search for Beacon of Unrest,
Then cast it to unleash the Best,
(Fatty Ever Printed, you know,
Cause Saprolings are the way to go!) BFM
Big as it is, it's nearly divine,
A massive ninetynine nintynine.
Casting its shadow of unholy might,
I doubt even Urza would put up a fight.
The biggest creature in the whole game,
A title that comes with prestige and fame.
But power comes with a price, here a fifteen C-C,
For the biggest, baddest, nastiest, scariest creature you'll ever see. Bird Maiden
Lovely and joyful, she soars through the air,
She hasn't a worry, she hasn't a care.
Her form is curvaceous, her plumage is bright,
Her hair's long and silky, her smile is white,
Feel free to stare, and feel free to grin,
But she still sucks when turned to a goblin.
Goblin Sky Raider does just the same thing,
Yet even the goblin will never take wing.
So frown if you must, but she wants no pity.
Though completely unplayable, she's really pretty. Birds of Paradise
Costing just one, it taps for the same,
Helping to speed your green deck's game,
But it looks like Wizards really stopped trying,
To follow the color wheel and ban green from flying. Black Lotus
Lost to the ages, worth far more than gold,
From father to son its great legend is told,
This tiny creation holds the ultimate power,
Simply concealed in the Black Lotus' flower. Bladewing the Risen
-- See Rorix Bladewing Blistering Firecat
Hides in a shell, safe and concealed,
Unknown until its true form is revealed.
In a blaze it pounces, scorching your skin,
As I morph up my kitty and attack for the win. Blood Pet
Black one drop, helps a tad,
Sac for mana, not too bad.
It's no ritual but still gives you,
An extra mana on turn 2. Bottle Gnomes
Marching down the battlefield, protectors to the end,
The gnomes are great warriors, always ready to defend.
So even when the Levelers come to beat you to a pulp,
They'll throw their bodies in the way before you end them with a gulp. Braids, Cabal Minion
She thinks life's a game,
Though maybe she just sees clear.
While others must fight,
For what they think is right,
That loses all that they hold dear.
But Braids is just in it for fun,
And who's to say she can't really see,
That her existance is just in a story,
And she only fights inside a TCG. Cabal Patriarch
Cabal Patriarch's a pain in the butt,
Who thought Phage was his personal ,
He tried to make her dead,
So I pinged him in the head,
And threw a fireball into his gut. Chainer
Lord of all Nightmares, master of chains,
He rules the arena in the blood pit games.
He won all his matches with style and grace,
The Cablists all thought of him as a face.
But the Order, protectors of goodness and light,
Thought him the heel, no matter the fight.
This Cabalist lived to fight and entertain,
So all in Cabal City knew of his name.
Time after time, he fought for the Cabal,
Either fighting alone or paired with Kamahl.
Barbarian might and dementist guile,
Won every fight with an unmatched style.
With chains and with monsters, he claims every win,
But you all know you love it: you voted for him.
So put your hands together and give up a cheer,
For we all love Chainer. The Cabal is Here. Chimney Imp
(Is teh pimp)
Chimney Imp owns all there is, Chimney Imp is your king,
He can fly over a Tremor and can survive an Embermage Ping,
He costs a mere five mana, free compared to the B-F-M,
And with what might as well be a card draw, nobody's better than 'im. Chittering Rats
Their chittering sounds will drive you insane,
One's an annoyance, many's a pain.
You can't seem to think,
Your mind's on the blink,
And you feel your intelligence wane.
They wait to strike until you're holding your head,
Biting and clawing until you're bleeding and red,
They scratch and they bite,
Run rampant through the night,
They don't stop until you're good and dead. Chittering Rats
(Paperclip of Doom)
At hand disruption, this one's adept.
He's really likes to make you skip your draw step.
It even comes with a 2/2 body.
That's why you win with this and a Soul Foundry. Chromatic Sphere
A mystery for Pontifex,
A filter for your rainbow decks;
Shining jewels, golden hull,
Just don't let it near Annul! Congregate
Two times Nick's five trillion squirrels,
Two times Daniel's angel girls,
Two times Joey's elemental,
All added to my life total.
Now wrath of god to clear the field,
With ten trillion life, your foes will yield,
Congregate surely is a great card,
But please, don't call me a spoony bard. Consume Spirit
I'm sure we've all faced the evil strife,
Of getting hit by a massive Drain Life,
It shined playing chaos, helped the black mage survive,
When the green mage was dead, Black was far more alive.
But Drain Life was gone, lost to games long since past,
We thought we were all safe, thought it was the last.
But that card came back, with a new look to it.
Black mages rejoice. It's Consume Spirit. Consumptive Goo
Head for the hills, it's Consumptive Goo!
It's gloopy and hungry and wants to eat you.
For every four mana it begins to dine,
Eating the goblins upon your front line.
A black mage I know keeps one for himself,
Sending it into battle to eat every elf.
He's evil, decietful, and conniving, too,
But that's the kind of guy who will play the Goo. Coretapper
Charge counters are often handy,
Making everything fine and dandy.
Coretapper's job is to give you more,
For Sun Droplet or Mirrodin's Core.
It puts on the hurt with Talon of Pain,
Or helps Darksteel Reactor win you the game.
With Lightning Coils you can attack,
Or use Arcane Spyglass to get your hand back.
Like most tap effects it works nicely,
With Pemmin's Aura for a cost of three.
So pay a blue to raise your charge,
And watch the Banshee's Blade grow large.
Increase your charge, see your foe cower,
With Coretapper you have the power! Counterspell
Summon Goblin Warchief? Oh, crud.
Throw Goblin Grenade? A dud.
Call upon Siege Gang Commander? No dice.
Cast my Goblin Sharpshooter? Not nice!
Then I'll summon Jeska? Oh, hell!
Hold it! That's your fifth Counterspell!!! Crazed Goblin
Crazed Goblin likes to attack,
Crazed Goblin has your back,
Crazed Goblin doesn't talk smack,
Crazed Goblin hates The Rack,
Crazed Goblin wants a snack,
Crazed Goblin can run track,
Crazed Goblin sat on a tack,
Crazed Goblin doesn't wear a pack,
Crazed Goblin picks up the slack,
Tim the Embermage has a lack
Of words that end in "ack" Dark Ritual
A song to nature nets you strength,
Your muscles bulging thick.
A strong to fire nets you speed,
So you can move lightning quick.
A song to water nets you brains,
You will know all that you need.
As song to light nets you honor,
Shone through your word and deed.
But a song to darkness nets you more,
Than any other ritual will give you.
The Darkness grants you power,
So you can do anything you want to.
Embrace the darkness, young wizard,
Feel the mana through your veins.
Let evil's might embrace you,
And know that forever, darkness reins. Darksteel Colossus
(Paperclip of Doom)
Your opponent will surely wail,
when you get two of these out of a Tooth and Nail.
Scream hurray and jump for joy.
The game is over with this bad boy. Darksteel Reactor
Cannot be shattered, will not disenchant,
However they rave, however they rant,
It counts up the numbers, biding its time,
It grows in the dark like the vilest slime
There are many ways to speed up this card,
Like tossing your Coretapper into the yard,
Or using Power Conduit to syphon off charge,
From Pentavus, Clockworks, or an arcbound that's large,
It's no wonder Darksteel Reactor has achieved such fame,
For with twenty charge counters, you win the game. Daru Warchief
Mighty soldier of the plains,
His enemies he really pains.
Calls his soldiers to the fray,
All under Karona's sway. Decree of Silence
My beloved wants silence, and you must comply,
Don't say a word, for your spells won't apply.
Sweet Jeska will ping you as you merely sit,
Frozen solid by her decree and Power Conduit.
It really doesn't matter what you try to do.
You know well as I that nothing will get through.
So scoop your cards now and accept your fate,
Because Decree of Silence is that damned great. Disenchant
No artifice or magic spell
Shall help you gain your seat in hell
I promise by the Heaven's light
That you will not win this fight
The White light will remove this curse
That makes your vile strength much worse
So observe the power my light grants
As I unleash my Disenchant! Doubtless One
An avatar of faith, it stands high above,
Feeding off the mortal's devotion and love.
Somewhere between a god and a man,
It fights for order. It does what it can.
For every cleric that follows the light,
It continues to battle, continues to fight.
Our Savior is here, there's no need to run,
If you share your devotion with the Doubtless One. Edgewalker
He walks the line 'tween love and hate,
He has seen his people's fate.
He no longer cares for wrong or right,
He only wishes to last the night.
He knows that your god matters not,
As long as you give unto him all you've got. Embermage Goblin
I'm a Goblin Embermage, Tim is my name,
I'm the best dang critter in this whole game.
I tap for damage, I call out friends,
I'm Prodigal Sorcerer with R&D's amends.
With Warchief out, I work real quick,
So all the other one-ones I can kick.
Instead of attacking, it's fireballs I throw,
I'm a Goblinoid Super Mario.
And if you enchant me with superpants,
I can win the day with my own tap dance.
Tap for one, then tap for two,
Tap three or four, if you've got the blue.
I'll take out the fatties, I'll take out the small,
If they're not pro red, I'll take out them all.
And if I, alone, can't get the job done,
Then I'll search for my buddies for quadruple the fun.
And speaking of buddies, there's other cards, too,
That do the things that I like to do.
If Goblin Sharpshooter's on the board next to me,
He'll scrap all the one-ones of your enemy.
And speaking of pingers, there's one who I love,
With First Strike and Haste, she's a gift from above.
When e'er I see Jeska, I feel so good inside,
I hope that one day that girl'll be my bride.
She's the loveliest pinger and the fastest to boot,
And best of all, I hear she thinks I'm cute.
Greatest Planeswalker to grace Dominaria,
I hope she soon returns to Otaria!
And now I'm out of stuff to say in prose,
So this poem will come to a close.
So remember that in Magic: the Gathering,
It's just not as fun if you don't have that Ping! Empheron
Empheron's a nifty little thing,
I've never seen it before.
But all things considered,
I already want four.
He works like Escape Artist,
Or that unpronouncable from Oddessy,
Except that, all discarding aside,
The mana cost is free.
I want it for my blue deck,
For it will help me trounce,
All my foes, because this flier,
Has nice stats and a quick bounce. Ertai
Weak of body, strong of will,
Countering's his strongest skill.
His sacrifice was for Gerrard. Festering Goblin
Now here's a nifty one drop,
If you want to play black.
Far better than Crazed Goblin,
And he packs a death attack.
Send him into combat,
Or use Skullclamp to sacrifice.
While we hate to lose creatures,
Card advantage is quite nice. Final Punishment
Adding Insult to Injury is something often done,
But Injury to Injury has never been so much fun.
For an extra five mana before the end of your turn,
You double the effectiveness of your burn.
Tap a line of Embermages, or cast Fireball,
Or attack for seven with Thorn Elemental,
Or use Drain Life or throw artifacts with Bosh,
And Final Punishment is the final kick in the crotch. Fire
Fire and Ice? It's really quite slick,
Fine in your hand, and great on a stick.
Fire itself is a great piece of burn,
Able to take out two guys in one turn.
And Ice is just nifty, a tap and a card,
With a cost of two, it's casting's not hard.
As a Goblin Wizard, I know a thing or a two,
About cards that are red, and cards that are blue.
Fire and Ice is just a good card to run,
So screw with the heat and turn up the fun. Fledgling Dragon
A two two with flying isn't that bad,
But for a cost of four, I wouldn't be glad,
To play him the normal way.
But wait a bit longer, till you have threshold,
And this fledgeling dragon's a sight to behold,
A five five who will save the day. Force of Will
A smirk came upon the green wizard's face,
Surrounded by those of his elven race,
With his foe tapped out, he had the gall,
To begin the ceremony of Thorn Elemental
Green mana flowed to them from across the land
Calling the elemental to his command,
But the blue mage he threatened is alive still,
Thanks not to his luck, but through sheer Force of Will. Frogmite
Casting costs? Don't be a fool.
Paying mana's so uncool.
Dropped for free, it packs a bite,
It's cute and deadly, it's Frogmite! Furnace Dragon
The hottest flames in the metal world,
Lie inside a dragon's mighty form.
Furnace Dragon's powerful flames
Are more than a little warm.
When it reveals itself to mages,
All steel around is melted quick.
The goblins find it humerous,
Vedalken find it sick.
So if one must kill artifacts
When the battle's not going to plan,
Just call upon your red mana,
Furnace Dragon is your man. Gempalm Polluter
Polluter is a three armed freak.
For six mana he is kinda weak.
But if you have many Zombies,
He's a card that's sure to please.
When you get this guy cycling,
He's sure to do his zombie thing.
Pay two mana, deal some pain,
With his fist-sized acid rain.
Then draw a card, fill your hand,
And let it all work like you planned.
He's friend to all my zombie kin,
When he lets us zombies win. Gilded Lotus
I refuse to write a poem about this piece of crap.
I guess it looks kinda good when you get three with a tap.
But at a cost of five mana, when will it see play?
All other Lotus cards are goodness, but this one's just gay. Goblin Assassin
Another random goblin,
As though there aren't enough.
But a double duece for five,
Just isn't very tough.
Its powers mediocre,
So I think I'll pass.
So to Goblin Assassin,
I say kiss my ass! Goblin Game
I'm sure we all know Goblin Game,
Whose weirdness has granted it fame.
This costly card drives me insane,
I've determined that it's quite a pain.
I see no point for it to see play,
Can it be used in any way?
I don't know how you could win,
With this game of the goblins. Goblin Grenade
Big explosions to the head,
Fastest way to make them dead,
Goblins know how to go boom,
Dealing damage through their doom.
Like Shrapnel Blast, but really old,
This ancient card is solid gold,
Aeons before the goblin pings,
We couldn't throw the cursed things. Goblin Firebug
Red gets the short end of the Creature stick,
It's two twos are rarely very quick,
Firebug will never be an early pick,
Cause we all know what makes him tick.
It's not hard to understand,
That he easily gets out of hand,
Cause if things don't go as planned,
He'll blow up some of your land.
Don't run him, I beg of you,
There's better things One-R can do,
Try Piledriver, big and pro blue,
Or use Sparksmith, tried and true.
Goblins can make a great deck,
But not when filled with this dreck,
So if you don't want to be a wreck,
Don't bother with this pain in the neck. Grim Lavamancer
There once was a man named Matoc,
Who was equally power and talk.
He was a great wizard,
With a familiar lizard,
And he'll easily clean your clock. Grinning Demon
Joey's a good friend of mine,
Though he resides in hell.
He's quite the strong fighter,
When he comes out of his shell.
Awfully shy 'round strangers,
Until you show him that you care.
But bewarned that if you run him,
There's still a burden to bear.
He's black, he's cheap, he eats you,
That about somes it up,
So until you're ready for the kill,
Please do not wake him up. Hurloon Wrangler
Hurloon Wrangler's just plain fun,
To use against that special someone,
For though it's blocked, you will dance,
When your girl removes her pants. Ichneumon Druid
Ichneumon Druid is a magic card,
But a poem about it might be too hard,
So I give up. Icy Manipulator
A way to slow your enemies,
It taps anything that you please,
It's bound to get in your foe's way,
So play it down and have an ice day! Infernal Spawn of Evil
You can feel your heart plusating in your chest.
If you run away now, it might be for the best.
And you haven't a creature that it cannot kill.
Be afraid of the Infernal Spawn of Evil. Iridescent Angel
She is a powerful four four with flying.
Protected from colors,
She rules the skies,
Ignoring dragons as though they were flies.
But I'm sad to say,
She's taken a hit,
An artifact block drops her power a bit.
While she can't be terrored,
And she shrugs off all fire,
Artifact creatures still make her perspire.
But I'm confident,
That she'll still fly high,
For this lovely angel is queen of the sky. Ixidor, Reality Sculptor
Lies are beauty, truth is not,
You cannot believe in what you've got.
Stretch the laws, trick your mind,
You never know what you will find.
The god of rivers hid away,
Created his own world.
Made his angel, made his peace,
As countless lies unfurled.
He sent out his dear angel,
The girl without color,
But he didn't think to look ahead,
Didn't expect all out war.
But Ixidor would make amends,
In some two years from then,
When he knew he had the power
To change the world once again.
With Kamahl and his brothers,
He tried to save the land,
Before it was destroyed
By my beloved's hand.
Ixidor redeemed himself,
Despite his greatest sin.
Sure Akroma is his fault,
But I think I still like him.
His time ran out, he gave it all,
So he could see Karona fall.
But when it was his time to go,
The crazed artist died a hero. Ixidor
From Sea's Claim to Ixidor's Will,
We all know of the wizard's skill,
But it all comes down to his guile,
As he wins with strength and style.
He masters in illusion and misdirection,
For easy use of a minor deflection
When one tries to send him down in a blaze,
They're always thwarted by his meddlesome ways. Kamahl, Pit Fighter
Kamahl fought for what he believed,
But what he believed in was himself.
He wanted to be better than the rest,
Be they wizard, goblin, or elf.
He weilded a blade as large as he,
Used it in many a pit fight.
He went undefeated, strongest of all,
The winner night after night.
But he let power go to his head,
Got corrupted by the Mirari,
So I can't help but think, when I see Kamahl,
"What kind of brother in law will he be?" Karona
She calls for Justice from above.
She'll make you feel a Savage love.
She Annihilates those in her way.
She demands Silence, shuns all play.
She destroys all, brings only Pain,
Yet knows nothing but her name.
Karona shouts out her Decree,
Until Jeska is once again free. Kris Mage
The smallest pinger known to man,
She still helps your ultimate plan,
She gets some cards out of your hand,
To meet Threshhold's seven card demand.
And though I don't love her nearly as much as Phage,
We must all respect the beautiful Kris Mage. Leonin Shikari
Instinct sharp as blade of steel,
Instant-speed equip is real;
You know what you need to win:
This 2/2 cat with metal skin! Living Death
Living Death? I fought it once,
It didn't hurt one bit.
His graveyard was full of zombies,
Mine had nothing in it.
But in response to Living Death
I hatched a master ploy,
Though JP was a zombie lord,
He was still a stupid boy.
I had no mountains untapped,
To fuel the SGC,
But if I had let that stop me,
I don't know where I'd be.
With help of a prospector,
I sent my troops to their pyre,
And for every three that burned up,
I told the Commander to fire.
When Living Death finally resolved,
My field was completely clear.
As JP looked at my graveyard,
His eyes were wide with fear.
My field came back, strong as before,
And the warchief led them on.
The mages opened fire,
And the zombies were soon gone.
I guess all I'm trying to say,
If victories you wish to yield.
Is that before you cast a spell,
Always look at the field. MaRo
Power and toughness, both a star,
The cards in your hand say what they are.
Sometimes he's huge, with a spellbook,
But he just dies in the hands of a rook.
As beatsticks go, he's not one I'd seek,
But I do read his articles every week. Masticore
It pings like a hellkite, It heals fast as a troll,
And though it eats your hand, that won't stop your goal,
At only four mana, this creature's great for its price,
I'd say you should use it, if you want my advice.
I know one mage who uses Masticore with Squee
The immortal goblin makes this crazy beast free.
Last time I fought Dan (For that's the mage's name)
We had what I would call an... interesting game,
I used my morph deck (flip wizard with riptide labs,)
I made him give me masticore, and I gave him crabs.
Note: Not the STD, Chromeshell Crab Meddle
---See Ixidor Poem 2--- Meddling Mage
Meddling Mage, Meddling Mage,
Shuts of combos, shuts of Phage,
Shuts off key cards, like Warchief,
Giving the user a bit of relief.
Just says no to the Hippie,
Or you could name Doctor T.
This little guy lives up to his name,
If you know your opponent's game. Meditate
Sitting in silence, the blue spellcaster thinks,
Pondering spells and new alchemical drinks.
Building up his reserves by biding his time,
It keeps that loudmouthed Ertai mute as a mime. Memnarch
If Chainer held us tight once more,
We could be happy for a while.
Or let us see Laquatus again,
So we might rejoice in his guile.
Or return Memnarch to Kirtar,
So he might let order rein.
Or give us back to Fulla,
Only one who remained sane.
If we could see Kamahl again,
And he battled with our power,
Maybe then Memnarch would feel
Safe enough to leave our tower.
But all of our former friends are lost,
In another time, another place,
Leaving Memnarch in our eye,
Alone in this hidden space.
Tell Jeska Memnarch's sorry,
For that time we struck her down.
It seems we've only learned remorse
Since Memnarch grew a frown.
We wish to be with you and her.
We wish to leave this plane.
We promise no more power trips.
We promise no more pain.
We cannot wait for you much more,
Please answer Memnarch's plea.
Memnarch needs you, Creator Karn.
Please return to me. Mephidross Vampire
A poem for Yert?
Consider it done.
He's cool, he's evil,
And kinda fun.
Yert took over the dross,
And tried to kill Geth,
But a Necromancer
Isn't stopped by death.
Yert used his power,
To taint the Morioks
He turned them into Vampires
(Damn, this guy rocks)
Why the card's not called Yert,
Is anyone's guess,
But if they'd made it a Legend
It would cost 1 less. Morphling
Look! Up in the sky!
Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?
Nope, that's game. Morphling
(The good poem)
Your grace and style is amazing at least,
Your power is one of a kind.
Your skills are unmatched by man or beast,
Your style is pure and sublime.
You've fought for me well through thick and thin,
You often help me up when I'm down,
Once I've summoned you, I know I will win,
My foes always gaining a frown.
There's nothing at all that you cannot do,
As long as I have extra land.
You change and you fly and you untap for blue,
So I keep more islands on hand.
We're always the winners when our game is through,
And always your praises I sing.
I know that I always can count on you,
My ally, my friend, my Morphling.
My foes know I'll win, know it's all to my plan,
But we must ask are you man... or super-man? Mudhole
Revered as the worst rare of all time,
Playing it could be a capital crime,
But maybe Mudhole can find some peace
When Crucible of Worlds is released. Myr Enforcer
Four four for seven? Kinda sucks...
Got artifacts? You're in luck!
Affinity makes this sucker free,
So you can drop him on turn three. Nefarious Lich
A new take on an old classic,
This version uses a graveyard trick.
It turns lifegain into a good plan,
To help refill and empty hand.
It's still risky, kind of a pain,
For if you lose the lich,
You lose the game Palinchron
Palinchron, oh how I love this Illusion,
Like Adam loved Apples or Goten loved Fusion,
Free creatures are always great things to play,
And if he gets in trouble he can just bounce away. Patchwork Gnomes
Random poem for random card,
Patchwork gnomes? Can't be too hard.
It's a two one artifact creature,
That tempest and odyssey both feature
Won't break the game, but it's still fine,
To keep order in your front line.
So spread your decks and find new homes,
For the regenerating Patchwork Gnomes. Pentavus
One, two, three, four, five,
Not quite dead, not quite alive,
Like a perfect team, they work as one,
It's Pentavus, five times the fun.
Chump blockers come from this woundrous thing,
Then hide away from an enemy ping,
Able to head home after an attack,
There's no holding these buggers back. Pernicious Deed
The deed is a nuisance, the deed is a dread.
If played against aggro, they're all but dead.
It's better than Disk, and also the Keg,
to get them from me you're gonna have to beg.
i love to use it, just 'cause i'm mean,
but it's soo damn hard make make both black and green! Phage the Untouchable
The First was a mighty black mage,
Who never revealed his true age,
He sat on his throne,
Powerful, but alone,
Until Jeska turned into Phage.
So Phage became second in command,
The First's obediant right hand,
She fought hard and well,
And her enemies fell,
Writhing face down in the sand.
The First wanted to make her love him,
And then after, kill her on a whim,
But with flames to his head,
I killed that jerkwad dead,
Because Jeska belongs to Tim.
So now that I changed the ending,
You know we've got to do our thing.
With grace and with ease,
We turn ninety degrees,
Forevermore, me and my Jeska ping! Phage
My temper is fire.................. ....................My temper is steel
I live for life......................... ........................I lust for death
I fight to protect.................. ..............I fight because it's fun
And you must stop................ .........................Stop?.......... .
........................................ . ..................I've only just begun
........................................ . ........................................ ....
You must come home............. .....................I must do nothing
I'm sorry I hurt you................ .......................I saw your hate
I still love you....................... ..................You never loved me
Come back, Sister.................. .......................Sister?.......... ..
........................................ .. ...............My family is the Cabal
........................................ .. ........................................ ....
I wanted to heal you.............. ....................Wanted and Failed
Seton watched over you......... ...............Fulla watched over me
I'm here to take you back........ ..............Then come and get me
You're acting foolish, Jeska...... ...........................Jeska?....... ..
........................................ .. ...........................Jeska is dead
........................................ .. ............Now, there is only Phage Plated Sliver
Just another damned sliver,
Makes us pingers shake and shiver,
As a sliver one-drop it's quite great,
But I'd rather its head on a plate. Platinum Angel
People keep telling me,
"Platinum Angel is great."
But while her effect is mighty,
She always comes too late.
She works with Final Fortune,
If you put it on a stick,
But unless your deck is made for her,
Your foes will be too quick.
So if you use this angel,
Make her the focus of your deck.
With the right combo she's perfect,
Without it, she's just dreck. Pristine Angel
Halo of colors, rings of light,
Protecting 'gainst all Magic's might
With halo doused, the angel strikes,
With magic's usage, halo lights. Quirion Elves
Another elf that taps for mana,
You know the drill by now.
An easy speed increase,
Don't bother asking how.
So choose your color wisely,
When it comes into play.
It can be quite efficient,
If things are going your way.
Still, at just a one-one,
This creature's not at all fat.
But he don't care, look at his eyes,
We know what he's staring at. Qumulox
The world will obey Memnarch,
It will bend to his cause.
The waters listen to his words,
The sky obeys his laws.
Clouds bend to obey his will,
They attack all who oppose,
But how Memnarch got his way,
Only that golem knows. Rabid Wombat
Though small and always vigilant,
It get stronger each time you enchant
Though he's tiny, just a zero one,
He'll grow quickly for lots of fun,
So if you like to enchant things without end,
Rabid Wombat is your furriest friend. Raksha Golden Cub
I hate Raksha Golden Cub,
He thinks he's a white weenie,
But he's far to big and clunky,
So he's just a white meanie.
He doesn't fit in any deck,
So he just comes off a jerk,
His one reedeming quality
Is that he's Venters' favorite work. Rathi Dragon
Just another five-five flier,
Sending your foe to his pyre.
When summoned, victory's at hand,
But it's hard to win when you have no land. Relentless Rats
(Paperclip of Doom)
One is too few, three is a crowd,
but what if an unlimited number was allowed?
You see one, you have no fear.
Until more of them come near.
If you hear them comming, run with your gear,
for rat domination is finally here. Rhox
Bashing through anything in its path,
Few things can keep you from feeling its wrath.
Despite all the flames that you send to its face,
It lets out a bellow, but keeps up its pace.
As strong as a dragon, but as slick as a fox,
You'd be a fool to get in the way of a Rhox. Rorix Bladewing
/ Bladewing the Risen
Quick in battle, rules the sky,
Loves to watch the innocent die.
Fell in combat to a strong attack,
But the Cabal's clerics brought him back.
With a new lease on life he accepts his fate,
As a team player, a draconic reanimate. Royal Assassin
Just a nifty little guy,
A bit more for black creature kill,
Not a plauging spell this time,
Just a dude with some mad skill.
He gets ya when you're sleeping,
Sneaks up and stabs you in the back,
So team him up with some blue cards,
And you've a powerful attack. Sage Owl
A cunning bird who knows how to fly,
He's the origin of the mechanic "Scry."
It's a wizard's familiar, and it eats mice,
All in all, the owl's kind of nice. Savage Beating
I suppose you're expecting this poem,
To be about Double Strike,
Having a second combat step,
Attacking and the like,
But that's just not Tim's style,
Not my plan for Savage Beating,
I'll just declare zero attackers,
And the untap my creatures that ping. Savannah Lions
Great for its color, it would seem,
But its uses are now just a dream,
Abilities matter so much more,
Leaving the lions on the floor,
It's still nice for a quick attack,
But why are there stripedies on its back Sengir Vampire
On evil wings, it rules the nights,
No one denies that Sengir bites,
It gets stronger each time it eats,
And the bigger it is, the better it beats.
Most black mages seem to love this guy,
How it can grow, and how it can fly.
So beware and bewarned, about the Vampire,
For it kills everyone that doesn't tap to throw fire. Serra Angel
Serra Angel's a classic, you all know her,
The vigilant, four four, beautiful flier.
She's not really a bomb, she lacks mad skills,
But playing in limited, she sure as heck kills.
I wouldn't use her at all, but I don't play white,
So you'll have to ask a mage who has seen her fight.
Still, no matter how good, there's nothing so slick,
As you've seen in Magic Madness, that uber pic. Serra Avatar
Master in the art of the Sneak Attack
Though the sneaking will kill it, it will be back.
With its power and toughness equal to your life,
It swings for enough to cause your opponent strife.
Always at home in your libraries walls,
It returns to your base if it ever falls.
So with the right combo, this card will go far,
You just need to find the right uses for Serra Avatar. Seton, Krosan Protector
Seton is a snazzy guy, he's strong, he's cool, he's smart,
A good head on his shoulders, and in his chest a good heart,
He tried hard to save Jeska, let her use his house and bed,
But Braids stole my beloved and left poor old Seton dead. Skullclamp
(Paperclip of Doom)
My kingdom, my kingdom for a clamp.
My eyes are teary and damp,
for control was destroyed, deciminated.
Decks with card advantage dominated.
But Wizards will have none of that.
The banhammer hit it harder than a bat.
What was once a five dollar staple in every deck,
is now a two dollar wreck. Spiritmonger
Spiritmonger's just plain fun,
A great six six for five.
Green mana shifts its color,
Black mana keeps it alive.
It doesn't have evasion,
But it grows if your foe blocks.
So when you're free to attack,
You know the 'monger rocks. Spore Frog
Tiny body, giant wall,
Tries to stand, has to fall,
It's a walking, croaking, Fog
Known by the name "Spore Frog,"
He dies so you can bide your time,
And so this bard can make a rhyme. Squirrel Mob
So many critters, So little time,
Fighting them off as I speak in rhyme,
Whenever another of the squirrels die,
I come ever closer to killing the big guy.
But whenever another shows up to fight,
The Squirrel Mob increases its unholy might.
So as the green mages summon another,
I tap to kill its small, furry brother.
But all you need to gather as this story unfurls,
Is that even more than slivers, I hate Squirrels. Stasis
Sitting still, biding my time,
Waiting to think of a rhyme,
A blue each turn, not too tough,
With other ways to untap stuff.
But if you're smart and well prepared,
Send in angels, with wings flared.
The girls give you a lot of slack,
When they don't tap to attack.
So once you tap your enemy out,
Stasis is what it's all about. Sword of Fire and Ice
Hold it tight to light your way,
So many monsters left to slay,
With powers of the greatest force,
Keep it near and stay your course.
The moon is high, the sun is dead,
And you must still protect your head,
You swore to stop the evil raid,
So you weild your beloved blade.
Raise it to protect your kind,
With flames in front and chill behind,
You know your foes will never yield,
So you march out to the battle field.
With flames you run the villains through,
Vedalkens burning two by two,
You're but one man, but you feel strong,
With sword in hand to stop whats wrong.
As ogres come across the land,
You turn the sword round in your hand,
An icy chill rolls through the air,
And you smirk at the ogres' glare.
You swing your sword with all your might,
And feel a twinge of great insight.
You know you're starting to think clear,
The ogres back off, full of fear.
Your work is done, you won the fight,
You needn't kill again tonight,
So love your sword, this blade blessed twice,
This sword of fire and sword of ice. Swords to Plowshares
Best removal in the game,
Swords to Plowshares is its name,
Though it gives your opponent life,
I'd rather that than face a Dauthi knife.
And if you're feeling truly slick,
Try attaching it to the Stick.
All the life will help your foe not,
When you're free to attack with all you've got. Taunting Elf
We stared off into the battlefield,
Goblins against Elves once more.
Our flames ready we began
To march off into the war.
The elves readied their arrows,
Though some prepared magic.
We didn't know who would win,
but it would all be over quick.
Then a single elven man ran out
To greet us face to face.
He quickly delivered insults
About our short, green race.
"Goblins smell like poop,"
he cried, laughing to the sky.
We raised our weapons, glared at him,
Fire deep in every eye.
The shout to charge was delivered,
And that elf began to run.
So rude of that one bugger,
To spoil all our fun.
We chased him for a mile,
Until our flames forced him to yield.
But while we danced over his corpse,
The elves had claimed the field. Tendrils of Agony
tendrils of agony can be oh such a pain,
for a mere 2 black black it deals 20 to the brain.
thatk god it's not instant or we'd all be in trouble,
it'd be hit with the banhammer list on the double.
not only that but it's soo hard to stop,
since you can only have so many counters in stock
but one card shoots it down fast like a rifle,
a little card that i like to call stifle The Rack
Tied up tight, flat on your back,
You feel the pain of the villianous rack,
Mishra's creation, most feared in the land,
So be careful and keep up the cards in your hand. The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast Customer Service
For maximum damage however you choose,
There's one Ultimate card you can use,
You're able to scorch whatever you wish,
(Except maybe Akroma, that gosh-darn-witch)
While the cost is a Nightmare, and a bit high,
It's pointless to use to target just one guy,
But Wizards pack your opponent's field,
This is one of the greatest cards you can wield,
For each extra one you pay, another monster is toast,
You'll send that blue mage heading back to the Coast.
And for one more mana, a happy Customer you'll be,
When you send that X damage straight to your enemy,
You'll be doing a Service to goblins everywhere,
When you burn all our enemies out of our hair.
(Note that I know that no goblin has hair,
The catch simply is that I really don't care)
So for Red Red X Y and Z the flames burn and you hiss,
For The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast Customer Service! Tidal Kraken
Munching down upon pirates and merfolk,
This eight mana critter isn't a joke.
Six power, six toughness, opponent can't block,
A nice, snazzy finisher for your blue lock.
So pump it up nice, or give it a player damage trigger,
And as your opponent's life falls, it seems to get bigger
The game's almost done if they can't kill it soon,
So K-R-A-K-E-N spells your opponent's doom. Time Stop
(By The Computer Mutt)
This cunning card, it does the trick,
If you want to stop the clock, have it cease to tick,
It kills all spells on the stack,
And since they're RFG you can't call them back,
Darksteel Colossi aren't just delayed,
If you use this card after they are played,
During the upkeep it cuts their draw
Can turn in your favour, a vicious brawl,
Being confused, it isn't cool,
By cards like this that require new rules,
But FAQs will save your ass,
Misunderstandings should be a thing of the past,
I can't think of a good way to end this rhyme,
Except to tell you to play Stop Time! Tooth and Nail
Reanimator, Version two.
With Darksteel Colossus, too.
Get the fatties with the most.
By speeding your deck with Cloudpost.
Maybe summon Nazi angel girl.
Or give the Platinum one a whirl.
Just know that you will rarely fail.
With a manariffic Tooth and Nail. Trinisphere
(Paperclip of Doom)
Aww! Crap rare, Timmy will say.
But good Type 1 players will surely say nay.
Black Lotus for three?
How did the $500 tag come to be?
In Type 2 it works too, I guess.
Stops Enforcer, Frogmite and the rest.
So next time you open this in a pack.
Think first before you shout "crap!" Troll Ascetic
What I hate about trolls is that they won't burn.
And try as I might, I still cannot learn,
A trick to get around their healing skill,
So I can lunge in for another kill.
I supposed I could force my opponent to sac,
The annoying trolls, but only if I used black.
So as a red pinger, I'm stuck in one place,
As I stare at that troll and his hideous face. Twisted Abomination
A powerful creation.
Just toss it in the yard,
To fish for a swamp card.
If you don't need the land,
Just cast it from your hand.
It's quite good for its price,
A five three zombie's nice.
And they gave regeneration,
To this zombie mutation,
Twisted Abomination. Two-Headed Dragon
It requires two fliers to block this mighty beast,
And even then they'll probably just be a feast.
For this mighty firebreather, king of the skies,
Makes your army of bird soldiers seem just like flies.
One head to bite, one head to burn,
I suggest you run like hell before his next turn.
For even if you attack, with all that you've got,
He'll make two of your monsters unnaturally hot.
I'm sure you could complain that he's more White than Red,
But griping about his mechanics won't help when you're dead. Underworld Dreams
Pleasant dreams of power's might,
Come to all who sleep at night.
But 'ware! Your dreams will bare your mind
To horrors lurking round it's rind. Vulshok Sorcerer
With the color wheel fixed,
And ping moved to red,
They needed a new card,
That shot to the head.
Now sure that had me,
The embermage goblin,
But I live to be tribal,
And I stay with my kin.
So they crafted a card,
Of the old Tim's style,
But used red's speed,
To replace blue's guile.
They had worked out the creature,
But it still needed heart,
So they called rk post,
To give it some art.
(Pun always intended),
The replacement for Tim
Came out perfectly splendid.
I've dubbed her Timantha,
For the name quite suits her,
She's R&D's greatest triumph,
The Vulshok Sorcerer. Wirewood Herald
I've seen the Wirewood Herald...
Though I can't agree with his quote.
Sure we laughed when he ran away,
But that wasn't all she wrote.
We scared him with fireballs from our hands,
Until he ran screaming like a banshee,
Friends came to his aid, not expecting to fight
Myself, Vivi, Kakarot and Firenze
We four embermages stood side by side,
Our hands were all poised, set to shoot.
We let out a cry and screamed "Fire!"
And we gave those bleeping elves the boot.
So now you know the rest of the story.
A goblin don't break however he bends.
So we expect they'll eratta this card,
To read "Don't **** with Tim and his friends." Wood Elemental
We all know that there are cards
Who can be either creature or land.
But as we get used to these cards,
They begin to seem rather bland.
Yet here we have some forests,
Who, together, turn into a big guy.
Yet with no evasion and such a cost,
You can't help but wonder "Why?" Worship
I am immortal,
I cannot die,
I feel the power of their love.
I am their planeswalker,
They are my creatures,
And I watch over them from above.
As long as there is faith,
You cannot win.
I will survive off what they give.
We will not surrender,
They love me too much.
As long as they Worship me, I live. Wrath of God
(Paperclip of Doom)
Hello there, how do you do?
You thought you had me, didn't you?
With all the damage your goblins would do,
I would have surely lost too.
I swore I saw a tear in your eyes that day
When I wrathed your silly gobbos away.