RIDICULOUS House Rules - A Place to Vent About Your Crazy DM

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Someone explain to me again why all the DMs are coming here for house rules critiques?

The thread is "A Place to Vent About Your Crazy DM" not "Post all your house rules and get feedback from players".

Personally I would like to hear more stories about DMs rather than lists and critiques. For example, while not standing house rules my DM has ruled that my rogue, struck with a prismatic spray and turned insane only needed to sleep for 8 hours and all effects would be removed. Later when touch attacked for 2d4 level drain (rolled 1+3) decided it would only last for 24 hours.

So-- back to players talking about crazy DMs!
I get really bugged by changes to house rules mid-game. Or new house-rules for that matter.

Last session the party's monk slipped into Neutral Good (the cause was iffy too. It could easily be argued either way). The DM cackled (yes, cackled) and said "You fall unconsious". I looked at him and thought "Oh ****, a disease, a curse, what happened on that monster's dying breath?" The DM said "you are now, neutral good. You lose all your monk abilities." Screeeeeeeeech "What" I said, "thats not right. Monk's don't lose their abilities, they aren't paladins. Becoming neutral doesn't negate years of training." The DM replied "Thats how it works. Monks that violate their alignment lose their powers" I pulled out the PHB and read the section on Ex-Monks (summarized) "Monks that become non-lawful retain their previous monk abilities, but cannot advance in monk levels until they atone." The DM brushed my reasoning aside with "Thats crap." He proceded to tease the player about 'how he loved taking away aligned character's powers.' I hope my warlock never does anything remotely lawful. Maybe I could play "chaotic stupid" to avoid ability loss.

Venting felt good.

Ah, another DM who hates his players.
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I Dont know why alot of you are complaining about simple arguements or make simple commints like
At least 1 paladin per game.

If you're a DM and you houserule that there must be at least one pally per party, that says to me: you as a DM want a large ring in someones nose that you can lead the party around with.

Personally, I don't enjoy playing that way. I could care less if you bring a paladin to the table. I don't mind if the DM uses that as a hook to try to lead the party around with. But if the DM's has to make it a rule just to run a game successfully, then it's not going to be a fun game- For me. My opinion.

As far as my comment being simple- I didn't realize I'd have to explain it. But thanks for asking, I'd hate to think you continued to be confused.
I have been lucky enough to avoid most bad DMs and bad house rules. The worst have, as always, been absurd crit & fumble rules.

In my current D&D game we use five houe rules:

1. You do not need to memorize cantrips.

2. Paladins must belong to an order (list provided). The paladin must adhere to the tenets of his order, not necessarily to good and law. When in doubt, the tenets of the order take precedent.

3. Unless you are placed in a situation where resupply becomes and issue assume you have enough food, water, ammo, etc. and that you top it up when you hit town.

4. Once you have a few hundred gold, don't worry about counting copper and silver. Just tick off a few gold every tim you hit town. You can afford a drink, a meal, and a room at the inn without counting every nickel and dime.

5. Track one XP total for the whole party. When it says level up, everyone levels up. Over time it will all pretty much average out and there is little to be gained by having people leveling up at different times during a session.
The part where he made me roll to hit with magic missile.

Ah, so he was playing 4.0?
I did also play with a group once who allowed me to roll 6 rows of 6 ability scores, rerolling ones, put them underneath eachother and pick the highest number from each row. Played once but never again.. God stats are not my thing.
We actually create ridiculous house rules because of our players. they have the attention span of a hyper caffeinated ADHD toddler on a sugar-rush, so we have to make all sorts of crazy house rules to keep them from completely destroying the game with complaints.

A short list of rules we remember (DO NOT CRITIQUE! Questions on reasons are allowed)
1. You level up when we say you level up. XP is a hassle to keep track of.
2. Sorcerers can cast unlimited spells per day
3. Wizards get ALL spells of their spell level upon reaching said level (Exception: A specialist does not get the spells of his forbidden catagory)
4. Drow are just elves with darkvision and light blindness (we do not want to have an overpower drow character)
5. Gnomes, bards, and paladins are forbidden, the rest of the group hates them
6. If the DM rules against RAW, a player may show him the rule and the DM can decide if the rule is too be used (it is impolite to reject the written rule)
7. Depending on the PrC, we may allow a player to play from first level (This counts as a base class)
8. The killing of NPCs without reason is NOT TOLERATED and will result in your character dying immediately.
9. SEXUAL ACTIVITY IS NOT PERMITTED!!!
Hey, I'm a DM and would you guys think if these house rules where in your game, they would be fine:
All Druids must use the shapechange variant from PHBII, but in return they get an Animal Companion. They may trade both for WS.
[*]It is reccomended to give me a background, 28 title, one 12 font empty line in between, and size 12 font indented 1 page document.
[/LIST]

these are kinda idiotic...i would vent about both. edit- i wouldn't play at all
My DM is usually always great and runs a nice game, the only issue I have ever had was a semi-argument/debate on Hide in Plain Sight, from the name to it being in the PH it still took a bit to convince him that it actually was "Hide in Plain Sight"!
9. This is much too specific. Really the only thing that would make me question gaming with you is this last one, because it makes you seem like a control freak. Just suggest that players write "a backstory" and take whatever you get I would say.[/sblock]

Seems all right to me. It encourages roleplaying. He might have the same problem that I have: WoW players who don't get that they actually need a PERSONALITY in this game, not just, "I'm the tank." I myself have a questionnaire that they fill out for their characters.

-Count Dravda
Seems all right to me. It encourages roleplaying. He might have the same problem that I have: WoW players who don't get that they actually need a PERSONALITY in this game, not just, "I'm the tank." I myself have a questionnaire that they fill out for their characters.

It's not the request for the backstory it's the length requirement and formatting. The only thing it's missing is "Assignments must be turned in written in ink."

I just finished a two page backstory on my current character, complete with drop caps and father son dialog. It doesn't fit this guy's formatting requirements. That would make me chafe.

Anyway, on to your questionnaire... can I get a copy? I'd like to see how it works with my character. My email is my gleemax id @ my gleemax id .com
I myself have a questionnaire that they fill out for their characters.

-Count Dravda

Normally I'd angst about how WoW doesn't mean you can't RP, but instead I'll just say that there's as many retards who can't/won't RP playing WoW as there are playing D&D.

Now post that questionnaire so I can steal it. :P
Now post that questionnaire so I can steal it. :P

There is a good basic questionnaire in The Hero Builder's Guidebook. If you want something more advanced, you can do a search for character questionnaire in google, where a lot should be available. There are also many books on the subject.

Depth of character is my personal play-style; unfortunately, I haven't met any other players that share the same interest!
I have dealt with 2 really bad house rules.

1. You can not draw a weapon during a move action. The DM in question didn't care when I pointed it out in the rules as a standard option. He stated that you could either move or draw your weapon or take the quick draw feat. This completely nerfed any first round actions by the party's Fighter and Barbarian.

2. During character creation you roll a d20 to determine a characters base AC. In a game where its easier to raise your AC then you Attack Bonus, this was completely broken. Nothing quite like a Heavy armored fighter with full plate and a tower sheild and an AC of 16 while the party wizard wears nothing at all and beats you by 2 points. All of this at 1st level.
1 - On a fumble for attack roll reroll and if you still miss you loose all attack of the round.

For a fighter type it's already thought to hit target compare to spell caster we don't need an extra rule that reduce our chance of performing a complete full round action.

2 - low magic / $ world + 3 level 8 fighters + huge mobs of goblins (20-25) = TPK

fighter level 8 with no access to full plate due to shot money and only have mundane weapon = fighter level 8 with 15-16 AC with normal longsword if rich or staff if not.

3 - World of paladin but there is no evil creature. (i actually drop that game first day the dm told the subject, i appear that the game run 2 session only and the group decided to never let him DM anymore)
2. During character creation you roll a d20 to determine a characters base AC. In a game where its easier to raise your AC then you Attack Bonus, this was completely broken. Nothing quite like a Heavy armored fighter with full plate and a tower sheild and an AC of 16 while the party wizard wears nothing at all and beats you by 2 points. All of this at 1st level.

That is an alternate rule in the D&D system IIRC. In essence, the standard 10 AC represents someone "taking 10" on this AC roll.

Edit: Oh wait, I misread that. During character creation? Well that is just nuts.
That is an alternate rule in the D&D system IIRC. In essence, the standard 10 AC represents someone "taking 10" on this AC roll.

The alt rule you are thinking of is having a "defense roll", where any time you get attacked, you roll 1d20+mods instead of having the normal static AC.

Good lord, rolling at character creation for base AC is the most absurdly broken thing I've heard on these forums. You roll a 20, you're basically set for life. You roll a 3, you may as well commit seppuku.
We actually create ridiculous house rules because of our players. they have the attention span of a hyper caffeinated ADHD toddler on a sugar-rush, so we have to make all sorts of crazy house rules to keep them from completely destroying the game with complaints.

A short list of rules we remember (DO NOT CRITIQUE! Questions on reasons are allowed)
1. You level up when we say you level up. XP is a hassle to keep track of.
2. Sorcerers can cast unlimited spells per day
3. Wizards get ALL spells of their spell level upon reaching said level (Exception: A specialist does not get the spells of his forbidden catagory)
4. Drow are just elves with darkvision and light blindness (we do not want to have an overpower drow character)
5. Gnomes, bards, and paladins are forbidden, the rest of the group hates them
6. If the DM rules against RAW, a player may show him the rule and the DM can decide if the rule is too be used (it is impolite to reject the written rule)
7. Depending on the PrC, we may allow a player to play from first level (This counts as a base class)
8. The killing of NPCs without reason is NOT TOLERATED and will result in your character dying immediately.
9. SEXUAL ACTIVITY IS NOT PERMITTED!!!

1) I get this; but when you throw out Exp, to loose the ability to give out extra Exp for particularly good role-playing. I personally like it when the leveling up becomes staggered. Having different players level at different times lets them show off their new abilities to the party. When every one levels at the same time it feels less special. (to me)

2 & 3) Having sorcerers getting infinite spell slots and wizards getting all spells does preserve each classes flavor in respect to the other class but it seem incredibly over powering. One of the best things about a wizard is how you can personalize the character by choosing its spells. Giving all wizards every spell seems very powerful, but bland. I also shudder to think what impact this rule has on a wizards spell book.

4) Drow can be a pain in the *****. If you have players running a Drow I can understand taking a few abilities away to keep things sane. But Drow should never just be elves. The allure of Drow (other than the powers) is their dark and sinister nature.

5) Paladins can be a major pain with the alignment restrictions. The subjective nature of good and evil is often debated when I have a Paladin in the party. I can understand not letting immature or inept players take the class. I love bards! Granted I am not in your group, but the bard has always had a special place in my heart. They are not a kick but class but they are so useful to have around. As for Gnomes, I guess if you have people trying to play them like Kinder than genocide is the only option.

6) I don’t think its impolite, more DMs purgative. Rule debates are how you learn, though both sides need to know when to site down, shut up and get on with the game.

7) I don’t think this is a good idea. I think most Prestige Classes are designed with the assumption they will be taken after level 5. But sense I don’t know every Prestige Class out there I guess there could be some that this rule would work well for. (Black Guard?)

8) Good rule, but if it is enforced you would never need the penalty. And I am sure any one who has ever killed a Non-Player Character thought they had a good reason at the time.

9) Sex does often distract from the game. In my games in never comes up. (hah) but if it did it would be handled quickly and off screen so to speak. Something along the lines of… “P1: I go be slutty in the tavern.” DM: “We will see you in the morning. Cleric what are you doing?”
That is an alternate rule in the D&D system IIRC. In essence, the standard 10 AC represents someone "taking 10" on this AC roll.

Edit: Oh wait, I misread that. During character creation? Well that is just nuts.

The alt rule you are thinking of is having a "defense roll", where any time you get attacked, you roll 1d20+mods instead of having the normal static AC.

Good lord, rolling at character creation for base AC is the most absurdly broken thing I've heard on these forums. You roll a 20, you're basically set for life. You roll a 3, you may as well commit seppuku.

I played several game sessions with this DM and only learned that he had so many misconceptions about 3.5 it wasn't even funny. He still wasn't as bad as the DM that I mentioned in the first House rule. All that I will say about the one session I played with that guy was that I played a 8th level human rogue and the only gear I had was a pair of boots that gave me the effects of protection from the elements and a mundane Dagger. That was it. My character didn't even get armor, or lockpicks or even 'a pair of pants'.
I played several game sessions with this DM and only learned that he had so many misconceptions about 3.5 it wasn't even funny. He still wasn't as bad as the DM that I mentioned in the first House rule. All that I will say about the one session I played with that guy was that I played a 8th level human rogue and the only gear I had was a pair of boots that gave me the effects of protection from the elements and a mundane Dagger. That was it. My character didn't even get armor, or lockpicks or even 'a pair of pants'.

Ugh, I played a single session in a game like that. DM told us to start out at 7th level, but wouldn't let us have any magical gear at all. He apparently did not understand that V:tM != D&D, and gear actually is important.
1) I get this; but when you throw out Exp, to loose the ability to give out extra Exp for particularly good role-playing. I personally like it when the leveling up becomes staggered. Having different players level at different times lets them show off their new abilities to the party. When every one levels at the same time it feels less special. (to me)

2 & 3) Having sorcerers getting infinite spell slots and wizards getting all spells does preserve each classes flavor in respect to the other class but it seem incredibly over powering. One of the best things about a wizard is how you can personalize the character by choosing its spells. Giving all wizards every spell seems very powerful, but bland. I also shudder to think what impact this rule has on a wizards spell book.

1) We have that rule to make it easier for our stealth obsessed players. "HOW CAN A SLIT THROAT ONLY DO 10 DAMAGE?!?!?!" Also, our group has good and bad roleplayers. The reward for EXCELLENT roleplaying is a magic item or an amount of gold varying on the level.
Our Sam-Fisher-Sneak-Attack Rule: If a rouge takes a full action OUTSIDE OF COMBAT on a unaware NPC-Classed Character, a coupe de grace may be preformed.

2&3) the wizard actually has some strings attached. They must write the spell in their spellbook before it can be used. It only takes one page and an hour, but nobody wants to wait 50 hours per level up. Also, no wizard wants to carry nine spellbooks to remain fully effective.
Another house rule which relates to house rules (it is a continuing paradox sometimes)

A player may make a house rule WITH the DM. The rule cannot be gamebreaking and must be realistic (in the fantasy world)

Out of character speech lasting more than a minute results in a 1/4 Total HP per minute penalty. Harsher penalties may be incurred.
Another house rule which relates to house rules (it is a continuing paradox sometimes)

A player may make a house rule WITH the DM. The rule cannot be gamebreaking and must be realistic (in the fantasy world)

Out of character speech lasting more than a minute results in a 1/4 Total HP per minute penalty. Harsher penalties may be incurred.

The part of player making house rule with DM append im my games. If the come up with something balance that can save time i most of the time accept them. Usually it nothing really important, like we have a drunk chart we house ruled. A player cam with it and we modified the DC a bit to make it the most balance possible. Other example are like trying to jump from a moving object to another it has something to do with balance and jump but nothing really explicit how it work.
To make this post relevant to the thread:
I have a friend who wants to run a game, but she wants to use an obscure system none of us have ever heard of, to prevent optimizing.

1) We have that rule to make it easier for our stealth obsessed players. "HOW CAN A SLIT THROAT ONLY DO 10 DAMAGE?!?!?!" Also, our group has good and bad roleplayers. The reward for EXCELLENT roleplaying is a magic item or an amount of gold varying on the level.
Our Sam-Fisher-Sneak-Attack Rule: If a rouge takes a full action OUTSIDE OF COMBAT on a unaware NPC-Classed Character, a coupe de grace may be preformed.

2&3) the wizard actually has some strings attached. They must write the spell in their spellbook before it can be used. It only takes one page and an hour, but nobody wants to wait 50 hours per level up. Also, no wizard wants to carry nine spellbooks to remain fully effective.

I think that is very similar to how the coupe de grace rule actually goes. Any one can take a full round action to coupe de grace a helpless opponent, not just rogues; in or out of combat. Then you get a critical hit and the “victim” has a fort save or die.

A normal wizard can choose two spells at level up to add to his book. Then he has the option to add more spells from scrolls and other spell books. Your wizards are not limited in the number of spells they can write in their books each level but it takes them an hour per spell to write the spell down? Couldn’t they just take a week of “game time” to write all the spells then carry the books around in a bag of holding?
4 Houserules that make summoning annoying in the campaign I play a druid in:
1. You can only summon creatures that you are familiar with, despite the options listed in the spell description.
2. The creatures do not automatically attack your enemies, despite the spell description. You have to tell them who to attack, in a way that they understand, and hope that your message is not misinterpretted. For a druid, communication requires that he be wildshaped into a form that matches the summons.
3. The creatures are not automatically obedient to you, you have to make a successful Handle Animal roll.
4. The creatures might attack you if they don't like your form. I once summoned wolves, gave them instructions while in wolf from, and then changed to a snake. The summoned wolves started circling the snake (my druid).

Also, my DM is convinced that Faerun has no cats... pet cats, yes, but no large cats as wildshaping options.
Edit: if anyone finds a FR novel with references to a cat (lion, tiger, etc., but native to Faerun (not Drizzt's cat)) please PM me. Thanks!
My God, Fitz, those are awful. That guy must not have liked you. He probably thought that he was just adding some downsides to summoning but in doing so ruined their greatest strength. Versatility.

What did you do to make him want to nerf you so bad?


Also, how come there are people critiquing Emissary666's houserules? He already established they are crazy and tailored to his crazy group.
Recently looking for a game I got sent a 13 page "house rules" document that included such gems as


He also required a paladin to play in every game. Yarg.

I stopped browsing quickly and decided to stay far, far away. This is no small document either- we're talking 10,071 words, small font, no margins.

I don't suppose you could be willing to share? I could use a good lol.
2) I utterly loathe Point Buy character generation. I have more fun with 3d6 6 times; assign to stats based on the order you rolled. Point Buy is too bland for my taste.

I would have really no shame to get down on my knees and beg any dm to please allow us to create our ability scores by any other system! :D
I don't really see why I have to play a character that is simply the best I can do with some random rolled scores, instead of creating a character I like. I think I would have no problems with letting it die at the first opportunity to be allowd to make a new one and hope the new scores are actually useable for what I have in mind.
Lands of the Barbarian Kings Campaign Setting - http://barbaripedia.eu
I would have really no shame to get down on my knees and beg any dm to please allow us to create our ability scores by any other system! :D
I don't really see why I have to play a character that is simply the best I can do with some random rolled scores, instead of creating a character I like. I think I would have no problems with letting it die at the first opportunity to be allowd to make a new one and hope the new scores are actually useable for what I have in mind.

Here, here! It's not about being good or optimizing either. If I get a cool concept going in my head and finally join a game where I can play him, I don't want to have to hope that I get a good dex, int, and wis. I want to play my veteran guerrilla jungle fighter who hasn't adjusted to life after the war, can't communicate well (even to family) and has a trash charisma score to prove it.
...and hope the new scores are actually useable for what I have in mind...

Almost all attribute scores are usable for almost all character concepts. If you have questions regarding specific instances that you think cannot be overcome, PM me and I will explain further or make a new thread. No sense derailing this thread.

A house rule I hated:

Any item can be purchased at any time, even mid dungeon, by simply subtracting the cost from your treasure.
I have quite a few house rules.




Since I based my setting on medieval Europe, no monks or other Asian-based classes.
No druids (mostly because I don't understand the rules). Harsh, no one wanted to play a druid anyway.


PrCs had to be approved.



Any thoughts?

WTF no asian themed classes? ninja fans could just alter the rogues flavor, swap a few proficiencies, and say asian immigrant.

i happen to be playing an emancipated 12 year old asian female rogue in medieval europe, I swapped the sap for the Shuriken, and said my spiked gauntlets were really padded sleeves with retractable daggers. (swapped proficiencies) too bad i dumped strength (only a 10) +7 jump modifer (5 ranks) +14 tumble (9 ranks 2 synergy 3dex) +9UMD (9ranks) and the party won't let me touch a wand, oh yeah +10 diplomacy (6 rankks 4, two synergies, bluff, sense motive, highest modifer) +6 sense motive (6 ranks) +9 bluff (9 ranks) and the party doesn't want me as the face.
My rapier is actually a striaght slenderbladed tachi with a 2 sided sheath across the lower back, i happen to have arrows like crazy, (50 silver arrows, 78 normal ones picked up from bandits who obviously had more than 4hd in a 4th level adventure, i'm 6th level yippie. when your S.A. deals 24 damage twice in a row (on the same bandit, no magic involved, not even an enhancement bonus) in a cr 4 adventure and a bandit (struck twice for 48 damage from 2 turns) is still standing, somethings gotta be wrong, and these are just the lesser lackeys.
I was in one game (for one session) in which we rolled percentile dice at character creation to determine what kinds of spells we could cast. I only wound up with the ability to cast Bard spells.

I was in another campaign where the PCs were part of a rigidly structured mercenery organization. All our treasure had to be turned over to the organization, with use getting credited for (I believe) half its value. Then, we could buy equipment from them-- half price for weapons, armor, and shields, or full price for anything else. And no, we didn't have the option to just keep a piece of loot that dropped, like Gloves of Dexterity; we had to turn it in (for half price) and then buy it back (at full price).
Yamishinobi, reading your posts is like staring into the void. Your stream-of-consciousness, loli-oriented ramblings blast all coherent thought from my brain.
A few more from our insane group

A themed character must be ACCURATE! All samurai, ninjas, spartans, eskimos, everything, must have appropriete equipment, backstory, personality, skills, feats

Newest player brings the Oreos, failure to bring Oreos is punishable by PC DEATH

Food is ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED! A character can go up to three days plus their con modifier without food or water.

Players MUST describe their attacks, otherwise it is considered unproficient

Magic is pointing your finger and shouting the name of the spell, any other way is consider fake.

Two from our old DM

When a player dies, they go on the the afterlife, where they act as bonuses to players. we tricked him into letting us be a fiend of possession while we were dead.

A character may pray and roll a D100, a 20 or lower means your prayers are answered

Dex mod is added to the damage of a ranged attack
Yamishinobi, reading your posts is like staring into the void. Your stream-of-consciousness, loli-oriented ramblings blast all coherent thought from my brain.

sorry.
Yamishinobi, reading your posts is like staring into the void. Your stream-of-consciousness, loli-oriented ramblings blast all coherent thought from my brain.

+1!
The the most absurd DM House Rule we have, and one I hate, is citical fumble. It is on a natural 1 you must make a DC 12 reflex save or drop your weapon. The most absurd thing about it all?:

I AM THE DM!

My stupid (I say in the most loving manner) players insist on it. They laugh at the folly if their weapon drops and laugh in evil glee if it happens to an opponent. Perhaps at higher levels where more monsters have natural weapons and spell like abbilities they will start to hate the rule, but they will not be swayed at this point. I actually had to argue to allow the reflex save.



Otherwise we all rotate DMing different games, so we are pretty sensitive to both sides of the screen.
I remember a 2E game I played where the DM split hit points among body parts and had a chart to determine where you got hit. If the body part took enough damage, such as an arm or a leg, it became broken. Too much damage and it's chopped off. You still had your total hit points to account for all over damage such as fireballs, then divide evenly among your body parts.

This pretty much made melee warriors, of which I was playing a fighter, bite the big one and otherwise not fun to play. Only because I had an 18 CON did I have any chance of survivability. Instead of the 90 hit points I had, I really only had 28 or so because once a limb was so damaged, I couldn't fight anymore.

I really hate it when DMs sacrifice game play for "realism". D&D is not real life set to dice. I don't care what the laws of physics say or how fragile to injury people really are. It's a GAME! Don't divide my hit points among body parts. Don't give me penalties to rolls just because I'm at 1/4 my maximum hit points to reflect fatigue, bodily injury, or near death circumstances. If a rogue is checking a room for traps, don't demand the player specify every action he's doing and every nook and cranny he's searching and then spring the trap because the player didn't say he looked at the ceiling or a particular spot on a wall or floor. Stop making game play experience such a chore.

Don't hate your players!
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How are THESE for house rules??

1) If you give a background that is good and sound, DM gives a bonus feat, or a bonus ability point, whatever he deems adequate.

2) In-game, if you have a reason to take a prestige class, and have a completel y in-game reason for doing so, you can undergo a "training lesson" (generally a successful skill check under a specific condition) and if you succeed, you get a bonus (usually a feat).

3) You don't HAVE to take racial hit die, those are argued as natural for one of their upbringing, like for Lizardfolk it's in response to growing up in their tribe. Natural toughness and all that. So if you want to argue that your Lizardfolk Paladin grew up amongst humans, he doesn't have to take the racial hit die that lizardfolk get, but some things are also diminished (such as it's natural armor bonus is also reduced to a +3, for the same reason)

4) Because my group is full of jokers, a Natural 1 has a result of... whatever is the most comical thing that can possibly happen at that exact moment in time.
My DM's housrules punished stupidity(or anything he considered stupid)
A.like throwing a live chicken into his/her attackers face
B.doing something unlikely during battle like reading,singing etc.

the basics roll a d100
and see what would happen
could be TPK or be kissed by a blind old lady walking backwards through time
at a 37.57 degree angle(don't ask me how)or even "you broke reality the game is over have a nice day!"
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