A 1001 Survival Guide. What are your best adventuring tips?

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103) Never bring a sword to a gunfight.
104) When in doubt, attack the dragon.
105) Sometimes you might want to consider rescuing the dragon and slay the princess.
106) Do not attack the gazeebo.
107) The DM does not give out "freebies."
108. Smell the cave you say you're going to sleep in.
109. Quick release armor buckles.
110. Never EVER **** off the DM...ever
111. Remember your class abilities

(A player of mine always forgot his abilities making an encounter look something like this:
DM:Ok, you hit the vampire spawn with your mace but it just laughs and shrugs off the damage
Player:Crap, what am i going to do,what am i going to do?
DM:Um you DO have spells you know...
Player: oh...right...spells
(player casts a spell, the vampire spwn attacks and misses, player beins next turn)
DM:Ok, you hit the vampire spawn with your mace but it just laughs and shrugs off the damage
Player:Crap, what am i going to do,what am i going to do?
DM: :headexplo :hoppingma)
112. If you're going to scout, don't scout 30ft ahead of the party, scout 100ft or even 200ft ahead. You might have a move silent of 30, the full plate fighter doesn't and you're between them and him when they hear him coming.

113. You can never have too many tindertwigs.

114. Never, ever, do anything, ever involving an unidentified alter, ever, ever.

115. Anti-toxin. Buy it! Drink it! Learn to love it!

116. Pack extra clothes.

117. Make sure some of 116 include at least two cold weather outfits.
118. Benign Transposition is a low-level mages best friend!

119. Bards are cheaper than buying +1 weapons for everyone... (think about it!)

120. When faced with a horde of opponents, coordinate your efforts. This usually amounts to:
"Fighter#1 take left flank! Fighter#2 take right flank! Cleric and Mage let loose your castings!"

You'd be surprised at how easy stuff like that can go wrong if you DON'T coordinate, though.

121. Always befriend the warlock. He'll make your life miserable if you don't.

122. Always befriend the paladin. He'll cry if you don't.

123. Always befriend the cleric. Cure spells are worth it.

124. Never befriend the rogue. He'll become suspicious.

125. If you're losing flip a coin. Heads, you fight to the bitter end. Tails, you turn tails and run!
(126) Not every door is going to have a trap on it, but you can be pretty sure that the treasure horde is booby-trapped. No one leaves their values laying around unprotected. So get someone to search for traps and cast detect magic to assess the risk of touching the treasure.

Prom
127- No delicate action performed by a rogue is enhanced by jostling his elbow and telling him to "Get on with it."

128- This goes double for an alchemist.

129- No matter how much it looks like she might be, 99% of the time she is not a damsel in distress and will probably try to kill you.

130- Do not taunt the dark lord until after he has been beaten into unconsciousness/disarmed/dismembered/all of the above, there's a reason he's known as Ulthred the Flesheater.

I'd like to thank Skippy the Dwarf for the first two :D
131. If the DM makes a mistake in your favor, correct him. This will make him more likely to correct his mistakes when they kill you.

132. Don't make assumptions about your party members, the other players might be creative. The rogue might not be a thief, the cleric might not want to blow everything healing you and the paladin might not be a drone.

134. Sleep is a major disadvantage to any creature.

135. Evocation isn't the only good school of magic. Illusionists make life far easier, especially when coupled with a rogue.

Story with 135. In one campaign a low-level gnome illusionist was grumbled about for banning evocation, despite having made a fight against two mummies possible with little damage to the party. In another, a high-level gnome illusionist was grumbled about for being cheese, banning conjuration and evocation, but focusing on illusion and necromancy. The illusionist made the dragon helpless, and my rogue chased it down and flayed it. She took no damage the entire battle. The dragon is now an undead asset to the party.
136 Read your spells. If you have a spell and use it wrong and get caught by the DM its your own fault.

137 Summoning a monster to help to rogue flank is a great tactic.

138 Summoning any monster to flank is a good idea.

139 Don't put the evil cursed crown on the idiot party members head. I currently am because of that.

140 Being the guy with the odd build even if its not powerful can come in handy.

141 If you have a head for numbers play a meleer. Trust me when it comes to keeping track of a bunch of +1 and +2 you don't want the guy who is bad at math doing it.

142 The light spell can be cast on objects. This includes that drow and orc over there in the dark corner.
143) Open Lock is very useful. If you don't have Open Lock as a class skill (ie are not a rogue), then invest two silver pieces in the "Utilize Crowbar" skill.
Also bring an extra crowbar for the high strength character (ie barbarian, fighter, some clerics...)

edit: Additionally, the lock on the door may be extremely difficult. The door may be made of iron. Check to see how well the designer did on the hinges
144 - There are three things essential for survival: food/water, air, and warmth. Have the ability to produce all three in case your cleric bites the dust.

145 - Take the PHB, Complete Scoundrel, Complete Adventurer, Dungeonsacape, and Arms and Equipt. guide. Look at the items. Take (at least) 2 of everything that isn't a weapon or armor. Rust monster wands, calotrops, colapsable ladders, perscopes, holy symbols, marbles, you never know when that stuff comes in handy.

Point in case: my possum pouch came in handy quite a few times I was thrown behind various bars. It was the "In case of emergency" plan: one dagger, one garrot, a spair set of thieves tools, flask of acid, and 4 days worth of rations. I nevewr spent an hour bord or hungry in a jail cell.
21. Never say no to Healing Potions.

Believe it or not, one of my players actually has said no to healing potions ... and he is playing an unarmored warlock who has come very close to dying on several occasions in his three-session lifespan already!


146) Always pay attention when the DM is speaking. Failure to do so could be detrimental to your health ...
"Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind."

~ David G. Allen

Like I said, man: NEVER say no to healing potions. 'Specially if they're free or at another party member's expense.

147. Don't take prisoners unless your moral code demands it OR you think you stand to benefit significantly from lugging one around. Prisoners are huge liabilities in dungeon settings, because must you simultaneously watch out for them and watch THEM while still being aware of possible external threats. Plus you have to feed them.

148. If you see a small white rabbit sitting on top of a decapitated corpse, don't panic: just chuck an explosive device at it. If you lack an explosive device, run.

149. Know when to hide. You'd be surprised how many of your problems can be solved with Full Cover or Total Concealment.

150. Don't just attack; make sure whatever beastie that's scaring you is actually hostile first. Animals in the wild generally won't threaten you unless they feel threatened themselves.
Forgot this one last night during a game I was playing.

(151) Just because a new NPC you meet is friendly does not mean they are your friend. Do a "sense motive" check on NPC's always, unless you want to be betrayed or ambushed.

Prom
152.Always have a back-up plan.

153.Always have a second back-up plan in case the first back-up plan goes awry.

154.Guard your fellow PCs' backs and they'll usually feel inclined to do the same for you.

155.Don't try and be a hero unless there's some actual gain to be had from it.

156.NEVER underestimate how sadistic your DM can be.

157.Also,NEVER underestimate your opponent,no matter how low-level he is.A smart low-level enemy can take down a high-level adventurer who's reckless.
Believe it or not, one of my players actually has said no to healing potions ... and he is playing an unarmored warlock who has come very close to dying on several occasions in his three-session lifespan already!


146) Always pay attention when the DM is speaking. Failure to do so could be detrimental to your health ...

158) Always sit near the DM; if your fellow party members get into a side conversation or arguement and the DM says something that affects you, you don't want to miss it.

Case in point, we had just finished a quest involving djinn. Because i couldnt hear the DM, i missed them bid us farewell and bow. ALWAYS BOW BACK TO THE DJINN!!! Only one guy next to the DM noticed, and took apropiate action. The rest of us took lots of damage.
Heck,

159) ALWAYS BOW BACK TO THE DJINN!!!
160) There are a lot of ways to force a combat to be ranged. If you entangle a foe of equal or lesser movement speed, you can move/attack at the same speed that he double moves/charges. Likewise, tower shields don't require proficiency to use them as total cover, so anyone can use them to block of a corridor while the ranged combatants fight (or get slaughtered, if the opponent doesn't have a ranged attack)

161) If you are a wizard, prepare dimension door or teleport. Well timed teleports help parties (or wizards) survive more than the cleric's healing.
(162) When you encounter a new creature have your character do a knowledge check to find it's strength's and weaknesses. A knowledge check does not use up any move or standard action, so you lose nothing by making one. You might even get a hint on how to destory it faster.

Look's like peoples ideas are drying up, there must be more.

Prom
dindt read so i just post my points;

163- Bring a piece of chalk with you, it can save your hide in more ways that you can imagine.

164- You need three weapons to be sure to be always effective in combat:
-Reach weapon if you dont want to be in the frontline (you are injured or too weak to be in front) but still able to deal damage while the tank is in front of you.
-Ranged weapon for the same reason and to kill off flying ennemies.
-Main melee weapon for the rest.

165- Fight as a team with your friends, protect and support eachothers.

166- Learn to run away and fight another day.

167- When buying things, think "less is better"; dont buy 1 tent each, just buy like 2 or 3 for the whole group.

168- Use your ressources when you have them: I personally have the tendency to stockpile my stuff and "wait until the time is right" to use them.. but in the end i never use them because its never the "right" time.. so use your ressources whenever you see a moderately convenient time to do so.

169- Whenever possible, choose where and how you will do your battles, take the initiative, dont let the environment or the situation put you in a disadvantageous position if you can get out of it with little effort. Actively search for ways to turn the table around and put the ennemy in a disadvantageous position.. (Like, why fight the BBEG in the middle of his throne room filled with traps and minions when you can get out and use the door as a chokepoint?)
81. There is no overkill when your life is on the line. There is only "Open Fire" and "I need to reload."

82. Do or do not. There is no try. 'Specially when "Try" translates to "Attempt to do, fail, and then die."

83. Don't assume the arcane caster is what he says he is. You'd be surprised how easy it is to fake another classes' abilities.

84. Magic is a powerful force, but so is a sword through the chest. Don't underestimate the fighters.

85. If you're fighting a balanced enemy party, take out the casters first. Not only are they squishier, but they can make life hellish for you if they buff the fighters from 84 or start nuking you.

I like those!
(169) Know when to quit for the night. The later you stay up playing DnD, the more chance your judgement will become impaired. Then you get your character killed doing something stupid.

Side note: 11 pm seems to be the magic number, all our party characters die after 11 pm.

Prom
170. Craft skills are never wasted; especially for the Wizard with Fabricate.
171. Be creative. Everyone chuckles at the stupid half-orc barbarian with his greataxe, but few would consider wading into combat against a half-orc wizard.
172. Just because a spell is designed to do one thing doesn't mean it can't do another.
173. Balance courage and caution. Don't charge blindly into everything, but don't be so careful that you start missing opportunities, either.

174. All that is gold does not glitter. In fact, some of the most valuable stuff in D&D is notable in that it ISN'T shiny. Like that big black orb of solid magical destructive force....

175. Don't put on random rings or swing strange weapons without at least checking to see what KIND of magic is on them. Curses come in many forms.

176. Don't get sovereign glue on your skin, or your hair, or your possessions, and for pete's sake, don't drink it! Just 'cause it's a potion doesn't mean you're meant to ingest it!
*Note these are "inspired" by the youtube D&D PSAs (and by "inspired" I mean stolen)

177) Know your race's culture. If you are an elf, decide beforehand which kind you are and discuss your culture with the DM. Do this no matter your race, even human.

178) Find out if your party knows anything about your culture or is especially well versed in it's rituals and norms. If not, then use the "It's part of my culture" excuse to explain any odd behavior.
(179) If a player has to go home and you continue playing the game, don't take control of their character. Instead have the absent players character stay at the back of the party or sharpen their sword while watching the horses. It's hard enough to play one character, having two characters to control will just lead to mistakes. Nothing is worse then, telling another player you got their character killed.

P.S. I know, because I've done it a few times. But I promise never to do it again.



Prom
(179) If a player has to go home and you continue playing the game, don't take control of their character. Instead have the absent players character stay at the back of the party or sharpen their sword while watching the horses. It's hard enough to play one character, having two characters to control will just lead to mistakes. Nothing is worse then, telling another player you got their character killed.

P.S. I know, because I've done it a few times. But I promise never to do it again.



Prom

I can tell this is really getting to you. First, let me remind you that the character to which you are referring is technically not dead. Second, let me tell you that said character's player is not upset. Third, let me point out that it really strains in-game reality when a PC suddenly "fades into the background". If anything, control of PCs whose players have left or can't make it should go to the DM rather than another player. Some players are more capable of "multitasking" than others. Also, don't forget it was about 1am at the time.

Please try not to feel so bad.

- Jonathan
"Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind."

~ David G. Allen

(180) Although potions and spells of invisibility are useful for sneaking around and escaping the battlefield, just remember it doesn't always work. Being invisible does not stop the enemy hearing you move around or seeing the blades of long grass part as you walk through. It will not hide your foot prints or stop you disturbing a cloud of smoke. There is always the chance the enemy might try to smell you, not that many DM's try this one. Lastly some creatures can still see invisible people, like the black dragon.

Prom
181) Never make assumptions. About anything. Ever. Period.
"Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind."

~ David G. Allen

182) for the love of GOD, dont let the gnome carry the ring of prestidigitation, EVER....
183) Never tell a vampire he can cure his pale complexion by getting out in the sun more often.

184) Think out of the box with magic items. Example: A decanter of endles water on 'geyser' with a bag of holding full of silver dust makes a fire hose of holy water and a vampire's worst nightmare.

185) Have a SOP for everything. And don't deviate from it, unless the party situation dictates otherwise.

186) You are not superman - newb's with 1st lvl half-orc barbarians, 1st lvl wizards, or 1st lvl rogues take note.

187) Have a plan, but remember all plans go to $**+ at first contact with the enemy, so have a back up or be reeeeeaaaally good at thinking outside the box.

188) If the attack is going well, it's an ambush.

189) Dwarf Beer Math: 2 beer limit times 7 party members equals 9 barrels and 17 tankards of ale.

190) Firebolts, magic missiles, fireballs, lightning bolt, etc. do reveal your position.

191) If you have more than one 'scout-type' in your party, stagger them out (best scout in front @ point). It's easier to sneak up and have the tanks with in combat reach.

192) Just because the drow has the best Diplomacy check, it doesn't mean he should be the negotiator.

193) Know your DM's idiosyncracies. They will be your BBEG's idiosyncracies.

194) Never trust the halfling priest (who wasn't always a priest) to pick your 'evening companionship'.

195) If any die roll is followed by: 'oh oh', 's***', 'd***', or 'oh f***'; RUN!!!!

196) Be cordial to everyone, but friendly to no one.

197) Be polite, but plan to kill all you meet.

198) Always take any advantage, always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

199) If you are not dealing damage, you had better be healing, buffing, communicating, or helping to prepare the hasty evacuation.

200) Hit hard, Hit fast, Hit often.

201) Cover & Concealment works

202) Flank your opponent. Protect yours.

203) Remember all racial and class abilities and bonuses.

204) Every world has a Murphy and his laws.
205: NEVER GIVE THE DM IDEAS. Keep your fool mouth shut and don't mention the obvious danger or possible results of an action, your DM may not have thought of it and you can be darn sure you don't want him to, keep your napping doubts to yourself.

-My party is infiltrating an enemy base in a covert opp, we made it thus far without being detected and are in a high security elevator going up to the most protected floor in the base, we've overwritten the controls and are about to stealthfully take out their central command without raising the alarm.

Me musing: "Hmmm, I hope this evelvator doesn't have a bell that goes off when it reaches it's destination, we'd look pretty foolish if it does."

DM: DING!!!

Party "*&*$^$@*@!&#^"
205: NEVER GIVE THE DM IDEAS.

:evillaugh :angelhide


206) Wands, scrolls, and potions are your friends. They make for great substitute casters ... like if one of your buddies gets turned to stone by a cockatrice and you're pretty sure that there aren't any 9th-lvl wizards around to cast break enchantment on him, chances are someone might have a scroll of that spell lying around and, better yet, you don't have to be 9th-lvl to cast it from a scroll!
"Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind."

~ David G. Allen

Heh, as I read through this, I came up with quite a few. Some related to dungeoning, others just plaing roleplaying. Here goes...

206: Don't pick needlessly on your fellow party members. Pranks, jokes and slurs may be IC for you, but they are no less IC when they slit your throat in your sleep, strand you in combat surrounded by hostiles, withhold healing or just leave you in the pit because they're fed up with you.

207: Always have an avenue of escape.

208: Low-level spells can have surprisingly effective uses even on higher levels. Be creative.

209: 'At will'-use spells are golden.

210: Do your part in combat. Even if you can't scratch the foe's DR with your dagger or even hit him, you should be there if your AC can handle it. Flank and Aid Another with your allies, it helps a lot. If you're just twiddling your thumbs and loitering near the back, you're dead weight and may be headed for Left-Behind-ville later. Yes, this goes even if you're an arcane specialist, healer or social specialist who's not at all built for combat. Even if you're not a damage dealer, you have some combat potential. Get a bow or crossbow and lob arrows at the foe, you might get lucky with the rolls. At least do something.

211: Don't let alignment issues tear the group apart.

212: Likewise, don't use your alignment for bargain characterisation. You're not supposed to 'play your alignment', you're supposed to have a developed personality and characterisation that serves as a foundation for your character, and your alignment should fit into that... but there is no such thing as 'person of alignment XX must do this'. There are a million motivations why the LE fighter would keep calm and collected and not murder people senselessly, or why a chaotic character would put the party or the community before his own desires. It's called character.

213: Trustworthy allies are the greatest treasure you could ever have. Don't blow it. Stealing from the party usually hurts you in the long run. See first one I mentioned.

214: Heavy armor is great for large fights in the open. It's a liability when you need to climb, jump, balance, or surprise your foes. Consider wearing lighter stuff when you're trekking or spelunking.

215: Don't try to second-guess the DM. Don't say out loud what you think will happen next or whether you're so sure the captive princess is really the succubus in disguise. Don't mention that you've prepared yourself for that eventuality so the encounter will be a cinch. If you've correctly identified the DM's plan, he'll now change things so you'll still be surprised, and you're no longer prepared. Also, metagaming sucks.

216: Distract enemy casters. Bows are good. If you have a skilled archer in the party, have him ready the action "when the wizard starts casting, I shoot him".

217: Focus your damage on one foe. The sooner you take him out, the sooner he's no threat to the party and you can begin with the next one.

218: Don't argue endlessly with the DM. Most of them, at least the ones who can take a correction without acting like you're questioning their expertise and self-worth as a person, will approve if you point out honest mistakes, but if the DM wants to play the way he does with this rule, accept and let it go. If you start whining and kvetching over how it should be like you want it, you'll just **** him off, and something nasty may happen to you. Chances are, the nasty may hit the rest of the party, which will make them hate you too. (Had a guy like that. Argued for thirty minutes that the woods weren't as dense as the DM said and that huge wolves didn't live there because he grew up in the woods and never faced a wolf, so the encounter that nearly wiped him out couldn't have happened.)

219: Sleep beats Magic Missile hands down at early levels. For damage, bring a fighter.

220: Don't interrupt when the DM is describing the area just so you can be the first to say 'I loot the chest!'. He may not have gotten to mentioning the three dragons, and may be adverse to taking back actions. (Exception: When you're about to walk in on a troll in a sauna or similar, as mentioned in an earlier post. Good point.)

221: Just because a race has a -2 penalty to an ability score doesn't mean its members can't take classes that focus on those scores. Don't be surprised when the ragged half-orc 'obviously barbarian' casts a fireball, or feints and sneak attacks. Surprising the PCs and catching them unprepared is more valuable than an extra spell slot and +1 DC on saves.

222: Don't base the worth of a character build solely on how much damage it can dish out in one round. Chances are, your DM will make things 'interesting' by providing obstacles relating to your weaknesses. If you haven't covered for those at least somewhat, you will be lost.

223: Don't expect to always have your fellow party members and their class features on hand at all times. The cleric can be shot with arrows, the meatshield fighter can be dominated. Make sure you have your hindquarters covered in an emergency - some healing, a reliable weapon, and a way out of the fight.
Hi Ivan_Ironskull,

for the love of GOD, dont let the gnome carry the ring of prestidigitation, EVER....

Do you mind explaining that tip, I don't get much exposure to gnomes in DnD, as my DM has excluded them from his world. I am intrigued.

Mooncalf, I have to say some of the best advice I've seen on this thread so far, thanks.

(224) Get yourself a good horse if you are traveling above ground, it takes too long to walk everywhere. Horses can carry gear for you in saddle bags, which is very handy. Not to mention it's easier to escape on horseback then on foot.

Prom
Do you mind explaining that tip, I don't get much exposure to gnomes in DnD, as my DM has excluded them from his world. I am intrigued.

Because gnomes will use the ring to perform pranks on people, most of which will no doubt be embarrassing and could potentially ruin delicate diplomacy, get the PCs run out of town, etc etc. Although I'm sure there are exceptions, most people just play right into the stereotype (like they usually do with the CN alignment) and make their gnome PCs as obnoxious as possible ... and that's why I've excluded them from the campaign world.

(224) Get yourself a good horse if you are traveling above ground, it takes too long to walk everywhere. Horses can carry gear for you in saddle bags, which is very handy. Not to mention it's easier to escape on horseback then on foot.

226*) Remember to get off your horses and tie them up somewhere safe before approaching the enemy on foot, otherwise your mounts might get killed and then you'll have to make the rest of the journey on foot ...

Admittedly, the time that I killed all the PCs' horses with a fireball was the time I ambushed them so they couldn't really get off their horses and keep them at a safe distance, but still it's made it so that when they do spot enemies from far away, they will get off their horses ...




*correcting the numbering
"Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind."

~ David G. Allen

Always bring a shovel. Need to prep an ambush? Shovel. Need to cover you camp fire in hurry? Shovel. Bidding farewell to a traveling companion? Shovel. Weapon sundered? Shovel.
It is your friend.
228. If you have an ally who is significantly weaker than you, make it clear that he/she/it should NOT be taking the point. Unless, you know, you WANT your ally to be taking the point... of a spear... through the neck...

229. If you have an ally who is of roughly the same strength as you, treat him/her/it as you would any other adventuring companion, unless you feel they are not trustworthy.

230. If you have an ally who is significantly stronger than you, feel free to rely on his/her/its power to lead you to victory. And AFTER you win, THEN it is the appropriate time to complain about NPCs hogging the spotlight.
Ivan_Ironskull,
Do you mind explaining that tip, I don't get much exposure to gnomes in DnD, as my DM has excluded them from his world. I am intrigued.

to elaborate, our group had just found a ring of prestidigitation, 5/day, stacked to the gnomes racial 1/day, its 6/day, the gnome puts on the ring and turns the fighter's armor polished and shiny, not good while sneaking, the fighter gets filled with arrows (1) , the gnome makes a bronze doorknob appear in his hand, whips it across the hall, the enemies notice something was thrown from across the hall, MAGE gets filled with arrows
(2), back in town, the gnome makes the HALF-ORC INKEEPER's clothes look like a princess dress, rage ensues, thief gets caught in the crossfire
(3), then the gnome gets the bright idea to cast 3 spells, dancing lights ghost sounds and prestidigitation, he makes himself look like an entity of heironeius, panic ensues, the gods have come to smite the townfolk, etc.
(4), the the gnome makes the mayor's saliva taste like dung while he was giving a speach not to panic (5), and then he decides to make the smoke from the fires that where started around town smell like dung (6), so in conclusion, the gnome gets 3 party members killed, makes himself into a pseudo-entity of heironieus, and turns the town into a pile of dung-smelling ash, so, NEVER give the gnome, the ring of prestidigitation...
to elaborate, our group had just found a ring of prestidigitation, 5/day, stacked to the gnomes racial 1/day, its 6/day, the gnome puts on the ring and turns the fighter's armor polished and shiny, not good while sneaking, the fighter gets filled with arrows (1) , the gnome makes a bronze doorknob appear in his hand, whips it across the hall, the enemies notice something was thrown from across the hall, MAGE gets filled with arrows
(2), back in town, the gnome makes the HALF-ORC INKEEPER's clothes look like a princess dress, rage ensues, thief gets caught in the crossfire
(3), then the gnome gets the bright idea to cast 3 spells, dancing lights ghost sounds and prestidigitation, he makes himself look like an entity of heironeius, panic ensues, the gods have come to smite the townfolk, etc.
(4), the the gnome makes the mayor's saliva taste like dung while he was giving a speach not to panic (5), and then he decides to make the smoke from the fires that where started around town smell like dung (6), so in conclusion, the gnome gets 3 party members killed, makes himself into a pseudo-entity of heironieus, and turns the town into a pile of dung-smelling ash, so, NEVER give the gnome, the ring of prestidigitation...

More reason why I love prestidigitation

231 - When a pony with full saddlebags and no rider walks into camp, get as far away from it as possible. God I hate my DM...
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