1001 More Wish Screwups

323 posts / 0 new
Last post
From http://forums.gleemax.com/showpost.php?p=19029630&postcount=2571:

Feel free to restart the thread.

Granted!

I wish for an invincible suit of armor.
I killed Aleena.
Granted, but since it's invincible on the inside as well, you can never get out of it.

I wish to become a red dragon in FR.
WoTC has gotten rid of the forums I came to know and love, if you think that the old Gleemax forums should be restored, add this to your signature.
Granted, you become a Young Red Dragon, until an Ancient Red Dragon flies along and eats you up.

I wish that I had an non-poisoned, perfectly clean, and edible donut with a chocolate coating.
Granted, you become a Young Red
I wish that I had an non-poisoned, perfectly clean, and edible donut with a chocolate coating.

Granted. Now there is a cop looking for his donut. And you.

I wish I had a Rolex watch.
I killed Aleena.
Granted. Now there is a cop looking for his donut. And you.

I wish I had a Rolex watch.

You are now in a 10x10 room, out of which there is no escape, magical or otherwise. You do not age, you do not hunger, and you do not thirst. You will spend eternity living in this space, immortal. And you have a Rolex.

I wish I could play Starcraft 2.
Ever feel like people on these forums can't possibly understand how wrong they are? Feeling trolled? Don't get mad. Report Post.
Granted. You fall asleep for 50 years and wake up with Starcraft 2 loaded on your computer.

I wish that I owned my own private island in the South Pacific.
I wish that I owned my own private island in the South Pacific.

Granted. It's a barren pile of guano-covered rocks infested with poisonous snakes and unfriendly sea birds. The bill for property taxes will be arriving shortly.

I wish that I ruled my own private island paradise in the South Pacific.
I killed Aleena.
I wish that I ruled my own private island paradise in the South Pacific.

Granted. the private island paradise that you own is in the South Pacific. On the floor of the ocean. It is a paradise for merpeople from all over.

I wish to be the sole winner of a lot of legal money, to be paid in full immediately.
Granted, however, an attractive young woman claiming to be in love with you quickly robs you of all your winnings.

I wish that the USA will take over Canada, thus preventing their evil world-takeover scheme
WoTC has gotten rid of the forums I came to know and love, if you think that the old Gleemax forums should be restored, add this to your signature.
I wish that the USA will take over Canada, thus preventing their evil world-takeover scheme

Granted, but you now have to deal with Canadians on a daily basis, eh?

I wish that the aforementioned attractive young woman with all that lottery money would find her way to my doorstep, marry me, die of sudden mysterious causes and leave me as the sole heir to her fortune.
I wish that the aforementioned attractive young woman with all that lottery money would find her way to my doorstep, marry me, die of sudden mysterious causes and leave me as the sole heir to her fortune.

Granted. You are the prime suspect of this "mystery" since she died so suddenly after leaving everything to you. You are arrested for 1st degree murder and are sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole.

I wish I didnt owe any debt to any party anywhere.
Granted, you no longer have debt to anyone, but you soon acquire more after going on a credit-card spending spree to celebrate.

I wish for Edition Wars to be even more fun to laugh at.
WoTC has gotten rid of the forums I came to know and love, if you think that the old Gleemax forums should be restored, add this to your signature.
I wish for Edition Wars to be even more fun to laugh at.

Granted. 5E.

I wish for a sammich.
Ever feel like people on these forums can't possibly understand how wrong they are? Feeling trolled? Don't get mad. Report Post.
Granted. A sammich is a mix of poison, sewage, and Robotic Gnomes.


I wish I could travel back in time and mess up realtiy!
Granted, but the more you mess with reality the more you realize you're what caused all the terrible events of the world, from the Inquisition to Hitler to Katrina. In summary, nothing's changed and it's all your fault.

I wish that I could create book-worlds a la Myst.
Granted, you wind up making Germany win WWII and you find out that your grandfather was killed fighting them, thus negating your own existence.

I wish for a sandvich.
WoTC has gotten rid of the forums I came to know and love, if you think that the old Gleemax forums should be restored, add this to your signature.
Granted!

I wish for an invincible suit of armor.

OK, the suit of armor is invicible. But it does not protect the person inside in any way. So, dunk the armor (and the occupant) into a giant volcano and the person inside will be burned to a crispy cinder. All the while the armor will be perfectly pristine.
Gygaxian is NOT a slur. Those who use it as such should be punched in the face. Repeatedly.
Granted, you wind up making Germany win WWII and you find out that your grandfather was killed fighting them, thus negating your own existence.

I wish for a sandvich.

Granted, you get a wonderful sandvich. It then rips you apart from the inside. Wunderbar! You are the first victim of the Sandvich of Doom!


I wish the old thread could be saved somehow.

Casual Magic player since 2003 (Onslaught Block). 60% Johnny, 40% Timmy. Want a free, graphics-based, collection database to inventory your cards? I made one! Feedback welcome. Program runs offline, includes powerful search options, art, Oracle text, data import/export, and a rigorously updated list of every card ever printed. Version 5.13 (Theros) now available!

So. Green needs an iconic creature type, eh? How about wurms!

One Billion Words - 1001 Fantasy Landscapes: Share DnD-ish landscapes for use in homebrew campaigns!

I wish the old thread could be saved somehow.

Granted! Looks like I'll be running the Archive Buddy again.

I'll be back later tomorrow with a download link. The macro downloads the entire old thread, hijacks the hyperlinks for each link to another page, and makes the entire thing available offline.

OK, that was kind of silly of me. :D




I wish I had a pet dragon that was my friend and wouldn't eat me or anyone I tell him not to eat.

Casual Magic player since 2003 (Onslaught Block). 60% Johnny, 40% Timmy. Want a free, graphics-based, collection database to inventory your cards? I made one! Feedback welcome. Program runs offline, includes powerful search options, art, Oracle text, data import/export, and a rigorously updated list of every card ever printed. Version 5.13 (Theros) now available!

So. Green needs an iconic creature type, eh? How about wurms!

One Billion Words - 1001 Fantasy Landscapes: Share DnD-ish landscapes for use in homebrew campaigns!

Granted!

The gigantic Red Dragon fries you and looks at your smoldering remains. She then goes on to torch and swallow all your friends.


I wish work was over and I was drinking a pint of beer...
I wish I had a pet dragon that was my friend and wouldn't eat me or anyone I tell him not to eat.

Wish granted.

Your pet dragon, a gargantuan red, comes flying in over the horizon and lands right on top of you, crushing you to death. To add insult to injury, the dragon does not even realize that you are now a smear on its butt.


I wish for someone else to have my wish.
Gygaxian is NOT a slur. Those who use it as such should be punched in the face. Repeatedly.
The fairy grandmother with terrible eyesight grants your wish.

Unfortunately she reads it as "hurt my wrist"...


I still wish work was over and I was drinking a pint of beer!
The fairy grandmother with terrible eyesight grants your wish.

Unfortunately she reads it as "hurt my wrist"...


I still wish work was over and I was drinking a pint of beer!

Granted, your boss finds you posting on the DnD forums and fires you. On your way home you spend the last of your meager savings on a pint of beer.

I wish all the children of the world could be safe.
Granted!

Michael Jackson passes away.
(OK I couldn't help myself - no offense intended. I loved him as an entertainer.)

Now I wish I had a job and some more beer money!
Granted. You are now employed as a dirt farmer in Siberia, and all the vodka is frozen over.

I wish for the most awesome wish screwup from the last thread.
Granted. You are now employed as a dirt farmer in Siberia, and all the vodka is frozen over.

I wish for the most awesome wish screwup from the last thread.

Granted. Now your life sucks.

I wish I could breathe underwater so I can visit my underwater island paradise in the South Pacific.
I killed Aleena.
Granted. Now your life sucks.

I wish I could breathe underwater so I can visit my underwater island paradise in the South Pacific.

Granted, however you can no longer breath air, you suffocate before you reach water.

I wish the economy recoved.

guides
List of no-action attacks.
Dynamic vs Static Bonuses
Phalanx tactics and builds
Crivens! A Pictsies Guide Good
Power
s to intentionally miss with
Mr. Cellophane: How to be unnoticed
Way's to fire around corners
Crits: what their really worth
Retroactive bonus vs Static bonus.
Runepriest handbook & discussion thread
Holy Symbols to hang around your neck
Ways to Gain or Downgrade Actions
List of bonuses to saving throws
The Ghost with the Most (revenant handbook)
my builds
F-111 Interdictor Long (200+ squares) distance ally teleporter. With some warlord stuff. Broken in a plot way, not a power way.

Thought Switch Higher level build that grants upto 14 attacks on turn 1. If your allies play along, it's broken.

Elven Critters Crit op with crit generation. 5 of these will end anything. Broken.

King Fisher Optimized net user.  Moderate.

Boominator Fun catch-22 booming blade build with either strong or completely broken damage depending on your reading.

Very Distracting Warlock Lot's of dazing and major penalties to hit. Overpowered.

Pocket Protector Pixie Stealth Knight. Maximizing the defender's aura by being in an ally's/enemy's square.

Yakuza NinjIntimiAdin: Perma-stealth Striker that offers a little protection for ally's, and can intimidate bloodied enemies. Very Strong.

Chargeburgler with cheese Ranged attacks at the end of a charge along with perma-stealth. Solid, could be overpowered if tweaked.

Void Defender Defends giving a penalty to hit anyone but him, then removing himself from play. Can get somewhat broken in epic.

Scry and Die Attacking from around corners, while staying hidden. Moderate to broken, depending on the situation.

Skimisher Fly in, attack, and fly away. Also prevents enemies from coming close. Moderate to Broken depending on the enemy, but shouldn't make the game un-fun, as the rest of your team is at risk, and you have enough weaknesses.

Indestructible Simply won't die, even if you sleep though combat.  One of THE most abusive character in 4e.

Sir Robin (Bravely Charge Away) He automatically slows and pushes an enemy (5 squares), while charging away. Hard to rate it's power level, since it's terrain dependent.

Death's Gatekeeper A fun twist on a healic, making your party "unkillable". Overpowered to Broken, but shouldn't actually make the game un-fun, just TPK proof.

Death's Gatekeeper mk2, (Stealth Edition) Make your party "unkillable", and you hidden, while doing solid damage. Stronger then the above, but also easier for a DM to shut down. Broken, until your DM get's enough of it.

Domination and Death Dominate everything then kill them quickly. Only works @ 30, but is broken multiple ways.

Battlemind Mc Prone-Daze Protecting your allies by keeping enemies away. Quite powerful.

The Retaliator Getting hit deals more damage to the enemy then you receive yourself, and you can take plenty of hits. Heavy item dependency, Broken.

Dead Kobold Transit Teleports 98 squares a turn, and can bring someone along for the ride. Not fully built, so i can't judge the power.

Psilent Guardian Protect your allies, while being invisible. Overpowered, possibly broken.

Rune of Vengance Do lot's of damage while boosting your teams. Strong to slightly overpowered.

Charedent BarrageA charging ardent. Fine in a normal team, overpowered if there are 2 together, and easily broken in teams of 5.

Super Knight A tough, sticky, high damage knight. Strong.

Super Duper Knight Basically the same as super knight with items, making it far more broken.

Mora, the unkillable avenger Solid damage, while being neigh indestuctable. Overpowered, but not broken.

Swordburst Maximus At-Will Close Burst 3 that slide and prones. Protects allies with off actions. Strong, possibly over powered with the right party.

Granted, however you can no longer breath air, you suffocate before you reach water.

I wish the economy recoved.

Granted. The economy recovery begins when your employer lays you off. While you are unable to find work, ever again, the rest of the world goes on to perpetual ongoing prosperity.

I wish for an unruinable wish.
That's impossible. You break reality and turn into a Turkey.

I wish my D&D group would PICK UP THEIR STUPID PHONES WHEN I CALL THEM!
That's impossible. You break reality and turn into a Turkey.

I wish my D&D group would PICK UP THEIR STUPID PHONES WHEN I CALL THEM!

Granted, they pick them up and block you're number, forever ignoring you're calls.

I wish upon a star.

guides
List of no-action attacks.
Dynamic vs Static Bonuses
Phalanx tactics and builds
Crivens! A Pictsies Guide Good
Power
s to intentionally miss with
Mr. Cellophane: How to be unnoticed
Way's to fire around corners
Crits: what their really worth
Retroactive bonus vs Static bonus.
Runepriest handbook & discussion thread
Holy Symbols to hang around your neck
Ways to Gain or Downgrade Actions
List of bonuses to saving throws
The Ghost with the Most (revenant handbook)
my builds
F-111 Interdictor Long (200+ squares) distance ally teleporter. With some warlord stuff. Broken in a plot way, not a power way.

Thought Switch Higher level build that grants upto 14 attacks on turn 1. If your allies play along, it's broken.

Elven Critters Crit op with crit generation. 5 of these will end anything. Broken.

King Fisher Optimized net user.  Moderate.

Boominator Fun catch-22 booming blade build with either strong or completely broken damage depending on your reading.

Very Distracting Warlock Lot's of dazing and major penalties to hit. Overpowered.

Pocket Protector Pixie Stealth Knight. Maximizing the defender's aura by being in an ally's/enemy's square.

Yakuza NinjIntimiAdin: Perma-stealth Striker that offers a little protection for ally's, and can intimidate bloodied enemies. Very Strong.

Chargeburgler with cheese Ranged attacks at the end of a charge along with perma-stealth. Solid, could be overpowered if tweaked.

Void Defender Defends giving a penalty to hit anyone but him, then removing himself from play. Can get somewhat broken in epic.

Scry and Die Attacking from around corners, while staying hidden. Moderate to broken, depending on the situation.

Skimisher Fly in, attack, and fly away. Also prevents enemies from coming close. Moderate to Broken depending on the enemy, but shouldn't make the game un-fun, as the rest of your team is at risk, and you have enough weaknesses.

Indestructible Simply won't die, even if you sleep though combat.  One of THE most abusive character in 4e.

Sir Robin (Bravely Charge Away) He automatically slows and pushes an enemy (5 squares), while charging away. Hard to rate it's power level, since it's terrain dependent.

Death's Gatekeeper A fun twist on a healic, making your party "unkillable". Overpowered to Broken, but shouldn't actually make the game un-fun, just TPK proof.

Death's Gatekeeper mk2, (Stealth Edition) Make your party "unkillable", and you hidden, while doing solid damage. Stronger then the above, but also easier for a DM to shut down. Broken, until your DM get's enough of it.

Domination and Death Dominate everything then kill them quickly. Only works @ 30, but is broken multiple ways.

Battlemind Mc Prone-Daze Protecting your allies by keeping enemies away. Quite powerful.

The Retaliator Getting hit deals more damage to the enemy then you receive yourself, and you can take plenty of hits. Heavy item dependency, Broken.

Dead Kobold Transit Teleports 98 squares a turn, and can bring someone along for the ride. Not fully built, so i can't judge the power.

Psilent Guardian Protect your allies, while being invisible. Overpowered, possibly broken.

Rune of Vengance Do lot's of damage while boosting your teams. Strong to slightly overpowered.

Charedent BarrageA charging ardent. Fine in a normal team, overpowered if there are 2 together, and easily broken in teams of 5.

Super Knight A tough, sticky, high damage knight. Strong.

Super Duper Knight Basically the same as super knight with items, making it far more broken.

Mora, the unkillable avenger Solid damage, while being neigh indestuctable. Overpowered, but not broken.

Swordburst Maximus At-Will Close Burst 3 that slide and prones. Protects allies with off actions. Strong, possibly over powered with the right party.

Granted - the star falls on you.

I wish you had another wish.
Granted - the star falls on you.

I wish you had another wish.

Granted. I use it to destroy you and everything you ever loved.

I wish that this wish did not have any negative consequences for myself or anyone else.
Ever feel like people on these forums can't possibly understand how wrong they are? Feeling trolled? Don't get mad. Report Post.
Granted. Your wish has no negative consequences for you or anyone else, or any other consequences for that matter. You then inconsequently die of old age after a very neutral and uneventful life.

I wish for advertising to transform into a medium in which the products are portrayed honestly, realistically, and without any need for subtext or legal mumbojumbo so that consumers actually have a good idea of how to compare similar products; all this without increasing the current length/amount of advertising in the world in all it's forms.
I wish for advertising to transform into a medium in which the products are portrayed honestly, realistically, and without any need for subtext or legal mumbojumbo so that consumers actually have a good idea of how to compare similar products; all this without increasing the current length/amount of advertising in the world in all it's forms.

Granted. The immediate consequence of this is that nearly all current businesses go bankrupt due to poor advertising, and all the economies in the world subsequently crumble. Hundreds of millions die in poverty before any of the remaining commercial structure can begin to salvage the once-thriving monetary systems of the world. Way to go, bucko.

I wish that the next Star Trek series will be made more like TNG and DS9 than Voyager or Enterprise.
Ever feel like people on these forums can't possibly understand how wrong they are? Feeling trolled? Don't get mad. Report Post.
Your wish is my command. The new Captain Kirk is bald, drinks tea and is in charge of the ninth space station for the Department of Sanitation. It generates power by burning garbage. They call the new series "DS 9: The Next Generator". After two seasons, they create a spin-off series where the first Enterprise gets lost in space when Captain Archer is turned into a woman during a transporter accident

I wish the Space Aliens had never discovered cow tipping
An Orc walks into a bar. The Human and the Elf laugh at the hapless Orc. The dwarf walks under it scowling and doesn't laugh. He doesn't see the humor. It was all over his head
Granted. They instead discovered turtleflipping.
Galapagos is sad...

I wish for a PS3
The only limit is your own mind
Granted. They instead discovered turtleflipping.
Galapagos is sad...

I wish for a PS3

Granted. You have a PS3. Unfortunately, you never specified if it was working or not.

I wish I hadn't slept in today.
Ever feel like people on these forums can't possibly understand how wrong they are? Feeling trolled? Don't get mad. Report Post.
Granted. You have a PS3. Unfortunately, you never specified if it was working or not.

I wish I hadn't slept in today.

Granted, you slept in yesterday.

I wish butterscotch was made of butter and scotch.

guides
List of no-action attacks.
Dynamic vs Static Bonuses
Phalanx tactics and builds
Crivens! A Pictsies Guide Good
Power
s to intentionally miss with
Mr. Cellophane: How to be unnoticed
Way's to fire around corners
Crits: what their really worth
Retroactive bonus vs Static bonus.
Runepriest handbook & discussion thread
Holy Symbols to hang around your neck
Ways to Gain or Downgrade Actions
List of bonuses to saving throws
The Ghost with the Most (revenant handbook)
my builds
F-111 Interdictor Long (200+ squares) distance ally teleporter. With some warlord stuff. Broken in a plot way, not a power way.

Thought Switch Higher level build that grants upto 14 attacks on turn 1. If your allies play along, it's broken.

Elven Critters Crit op with crit generation. 5 of these will end anything. Broken.

King Fisher Optimized net user.  Moderate.

Boominator Fun catch-22 booming blade build with either strong or completely broken damage depending on your reading.

Very Distracting Warlock Lot's of dazing and major penalties to hit. Overpowered.

Pocket Protector Pixie Stealth Knight. Maximizing the defender's aura by being in an ally's/enemy's square.

Yakuza NinjIntimiAdin: Perma-stealth Striker that offers a little protection for ally's, and can intimidate bloodied enemies. Very Strong.

Chargeburgler with cheese Ranged attacks at the end of a charge along with perma-stealth. Solid, could be overpowered if tweaked.

Void Defender Defends giving a penalty to hit anyone but him, then removing himself from play. Can get somewhat broken in epic.

Scry and Die Attacking from around corners, while staying hidden. Moderate to broken, depending on the situation.

Skimisher Fly in, attack, and fly away. Also prevents enemies from coming close. Moderate to Broken depending on the enemy, but shouldn't make the game un-fun, as the rest of your team is at risk, and you have enough weaknesses.

Indestructible Simply won't die, even if you sleep though combat.  One of THE most abusive character in 4e.

Sir Robin (Bravely Charge Away) He automatically slows and pushes an enemy (5 squares), while charging away. Hard to rate it's power level, since it's terrain dependent.

Death's Gatekeeper A fun twist on a healic, making your party "unkillable". Overpowered to Broken, but shouldn't actually make the game un-fun, just TPK proof.

Death's Gatekeeper mk2, (Stealth Edition) Make your party "unkillable", and you hidden, while doing solid damage. Stronger then the above, but also easier for a DM to shut down. Broken, until your DM get's enough of it.

Domination and Death Dominate everything then kill them quickly. Only works @ 30, but is broken multiple ways.

Battlemind Mc Prone-Daze Protecting your allies by keeping enemies away. Quite powerful.

The Retaliator Getting hit deals more damage to the enemy then you receive yourself, and you can take plenty of hits. Heavy item dependency, Broken.

Dead Kobold Transit Teleports 98 squares a turn, and can bring someone along for the ride. Not fully built, so i can't judge the power.

Psilent Guardian Protect your allies, while being invisible. Overpowered, possibly broken.

Rune of Vengance Do lot's of damage while boosting your teams. Strong to slightly overpowered.

Charedent BarrageA charging ardent. Fine in a normal team, overpowered if there are 2 together, and easily broken in teams of 5.

Super Knight A tough, sticky, high damage knight. Strong.

Super Duper Knight Basically the same as super knight with items, making it far more broken.

Mora, the unkillable avenger Solid damage, while being neigh indestuctable. Overpowered, but not broken.

Swordburst Maximus At-Will Close Burst 3 that slide and prones. Protects allies with off actions. Strong, possibly over powered with the right party.

Granted. Your trust steed "Butterscotch" collapses in a pile of distilled alcohol and curdled milk.

I wish this wish would not go wrong.
It doesn't go wrong, but you realize you wasted a wish and sink into a deep depression.

I wish the Boba Fett fanbase wasn't so big. George Lucas himself said he DIED in the Sarlacc. And in the series, he never does anything except try to shoot Luke and miss, and get eaten by the Sarlacc. Why aren't cool people who actually do things, like General Grievous, as popular as Boba Fett?
Granted.

Star Wars was never made and thus there are no fan bases. You feel an empty hole in your soul but cannot figure out what might fill it.

I wish I had 500 grams of regular, non-magic, uncursed Turkish Delight available to eat - that it would produce no unusual; side-effects when consumed and that I could eat it without any encumbrances, that this consumption would occur only the once for said block of turkish delight.