If a vampire drinks wine transubstantiated into Christ's blood...

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I'm curious: let's say that a priest transubstantiated wine into the blood of the Christ. Then let's say a vampire drunk it. Let's suppose that both vampires and transubstantiation are real. What would happen?

My take:

-It would nourish the vampire, after a fashion. No, if you put transubstantiated wine under a microscope, you wouldn't find any erythrocytes, platelets, white blood cells, or any of the other normal physical aspects of blood, but that's not what nourishes a true vampire (as opposed to, say, a vampire bat) anyway. It's the spiritual, metaphysical stuff about blood which nourishes a vampire, and the Eucharist alters the spiritual, metaphysical nature of the liquid into blood.

-You might say that only some priests (True Believers or something) are actually capable of inducing the miracle of the Eucharist -- they'd probably be the same ones who can actually repel a vampire with a cross or something. In cases where the priest isn't a True Believer, the wine would just taste like wine to a vampire and provide none of the nourishing aspects of blood.

-Because this is Christ's blood, it is an anethema to vampiric nature. The nature of the blood simultaneously nourishes (like ordinary blood) and destroys (like holy water) the vampire's body, while tending to redeem the vampire's soul.

-Christ's blood is addictive. It tastes better than any other type of blood (in spite of the fact that it's actually killing the vampire who drinks it). As the vampire drinks more and more of it, its desire for regular human blood is diminished, and its vampiric abilities (like the ability to entrance people, superhuman strength, etc) decline. Eventually, after drinking enough of Christ's blood, the vampire lies down in its haven/coffin/whatever one morning before sunrise, and never gets up the next evening -- truly dying over the course of the day in its "sleep."

What do you think?
I think

What I Think
inb4lock
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It's an interesting idea, Jules.

Also, pig, I don't think this would be locked, since it's not really a religious 'discussion'.

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The vampire gets burned from the inside out since it would be roughly the equivilent of the vampire drinking holy water. Only difference would be that, based on my understanding of the theoretical vampire physiology, the wine if drunk in the manner of blood would go striaght to the vampires veins so it would be infinitly more painful as it eroded the entirity of his body as it is pumped around the body.
Also, pig, I don't think this would be locked, since it's not really a religious 'discussion'.

Yeah, it's more along the lines of:

"Okey guys, let's say there is a battle between Chuck Norris, a werewolf, and Jesus. Who would win?"
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Yeah, it's more along the lines of:

"Okey guys, let's say there is a battle between Chuck Norris, a werewolf, and Jesus. Who would win?"

Chuck Norris always wins.

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It wouldn't do anything at all, for one simple reason.

Christ is make believe.
I put my bets on Zombie Jesus.

This begs the question of whether a vampire could ingest enough of a quantity of Jesus wine to be destroyed by it. Assuming that hold water burns the flesh of the undead simply by touch, would there not be a gag reflex before the liquid entered whatever organ the vampire possesses to digest blood?

Also, I would assume that the veins of the vampire would be destroyed before they had a chance to deliver the blood to the heart, in which case the vampire would not be destroyed, but severely weakened.
It isn't evil, it isn't good, it's only what the people miss.
It wouldn't do anything at all, for one simple reason.

Christ is make believe.

Dammit.

Look, SOME people here believe in Christ*, and it's not cool to diss 'em like that. Can you edit your post so we don't get this thread locked?

Kthx.

*I'm not one of 'em, but still. It just ain't kewl to do that.

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I put my bets on Zombie Jesus.

This begs the question of whether a vampire could ingest enough of a quantity of Jesus wine to be destroyed by it. Assuming that hold water burns the flesh of the undead simply by touch, would there not be a gag reflex before the liquid entered whatever organ the vampire possesses to digest blood?

Also, I would assume that the veins of the vampire would be destroyed before they had a chance to deliver the blood to the heart, in which case the vampire would not be destroyed, but severely weakened.

And then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Zombie Jesus and wins.

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And then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Zombie Jesus and wins.

But he's Zombie Jesus. He'll just Second Come-back.
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But he already did that. It was a one-time power. To use it again, he needs to sacrifice himself for humanity again.

So Chuck Norris still wins.

He'd still win, even if Zombie Jesus could rez himself at will.

Cuz Chuck Norris is that awesome.

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That's a common misconception. According to RAW, he just has to wait a few thousand years for the power to recharge.
It isn't evil, it isn't good, it's only what the people miss.
Well, he doesn't HAVE that time when Norris is roundhouse kicking him.

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i dunno... Jesus just keeps coming back though... i have a screen cap...
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"All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back. GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR **** LEMONS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER! Make life RUE the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!" -Cave Johnson, Portal 2
It wouldn't do anything at all, for one simple reason.

Christ is make believe.

Well, what about vampires? I'd say they're make-believe, personally, but I was just stipulating their existence for the purposes of this post.
I'm sure that vampires are real.

as real as the black shroud that covers my heart
3rd ed SRD, character sheets, errata & free modules 4th ed test drive - modules, starter rules, premade characters and character builder & character sheet, errata Free maps and portraits, dice, printable graph paper, campaign managing website, image manipulation program + token maker & zone markers

"All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back. GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR **** LEMONS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER! Make life RUE the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!" -Cave Johnson, Portal 2
i dunno... Jesus just keeps coming back though... i have a screen cap...

But Judas is inept.

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But Judas is inept.

But he keeps camping the rail gun spawn, so he just keeps fragging Jesus after he respawns.
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But he keeps camping the rail gun spawn, so he just keeps fragging Jesus after he respawns.

Which is why he is inept. If it was me, I'd get a high level caster to cast miracle and keep Jesus dead.

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Which is why he is inept. If it was me, I'd get a high level caster to cast miracle and keep Jesus dead.

So he's the Tarrasque now?

Jeez, that's a battle I'd like to see.
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The Tarrasque is the Jesus of D&D, except Jesus preached good things, while the Tarrasque just eats people and busts up cities for fun.

Does that make the Tarrasque the Anti-Christ?

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Does that make the Tarrasque the Anti-Christ?

Yes, which is why they must battle.
EVERY DAY IS HORRIBLE POST DAY ON THE D&D FORUMS. Everything makes me ANGRY (ESPECIALLY you, reader)
question: does zombie jesus get a megazord to fight the terrasque? i mean... size advantage much?
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"All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back. GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR **** LEMONS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER! Make life RUE the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!" -Cave Johnson, Portal 2
No, Zombie Jesus is so awesome that he doesn't need a Megazord.

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Rebuttal: Zombie Jesus IN A ROBOT DINOSAUR.
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"All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back. GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR **** LEMONS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER! Make life RUE the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!" -Cave Johnson, Portal 2
HE DON'T NEED IT.

He can take the Tarrasque out by himself.

IMAGE(http://www.nodiatis.com/pub/6.jpg)

Which is why he is inept. If it was me, I'd get a high level caster to cast miracle and keep Jesus dead.

Zombie Jesus is immune to all divine abilities. As well as any necrotic abilities.
It isn't evil, it isn't good, it's only what the people miss.
Rebuttal:
Who cares if ZJ doesn't need it! CoDzilla doesn't need a lot of stuff but he's still given some love! my point still stands.... it's the Goshdarn Zombie Motherfriggin Jesus IN A ROBOT DINOSAUR.
3rd ed SRD, character sheets, errata & free modules 4th ed test drive - modules, starter rules, premade characters and character builder & character sheet, errata Free maps and portraits, dice, printable graph paper, campaign managing website, image manipulation program + token maker & zone markers

"All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back. GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR **** LEMONS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER! Make life RUE the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!" -Cave Johnson, Portal 2
Rebuttal: Zombie Jesus IN A ROBOT DINOSAUR.

Did Jesus ride dinosaurs? We don't know.

But he probably did!

http://overcompensating.com/posts/20071030.html
EVERY DAY IS HORRIBLE POST DAY ON THE D&D FORUMS. Everything makes me ANGRY (ESPECIALLY you, reader)
see, they should use that to help convert new Christians. i mean, our lord and savior rushing through the desert on his faithful steed to save us from our sins and spread awesomeness?

Jesus +Raptor = win
3rd ed SRD, character sheets, errata & free modules 4th ed test drive - modules, starter rules, premade characters and character builder & character sheet, errata Free maps and portraits, dice, printable graph paper, campaign managing website, image manipulation program + token maker & zone markers

"All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back. GET MAD! I DON'T WANT YOUR **** LEMONS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER! Make life RUE the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!" -Cave Johnson, Portal 2
Jesus is a shaman.
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Zombie Jesus can't resurrect himself, he's a zombie. Chuck Norris still wins.


How did this get to two pages before it got closed?
No freakin clue

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No freakin clue

Would it be completely wrong to jack this thread and start discussing lycanthope politics?


In Before Lock.
Sounds like a noble endeavor to me.
It isn't evil, it isn't good, it's only what the people miss.
Furry Pride!
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Yes. And there goes the nobility.
It isn't evil, it isn't good, it's only what the people miss.
Jesus is a shaman.

Care to elaborate on this assertion?

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Jesus can cast waterwalk and reincarnation (with a 3 day casting time).
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Ahh. OK.

Does that mean he has a spirit companion?

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