Vader vs Picard

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This got started in another thread and in order not to kill that one, I've taken the argument here. This isn't about who's dad would beat up the other's or who would win in a groin kicking competition. This is much more important than that. It's about who's cooler.

Here's some of what we've got so far:

Vader: Emo, force-chokes himself to sleep at night, cuts himself with lightsabers

Picard: Whiny and a coward.

Now it's up to you to continue the fun. Try to post a positive about the one you think is cooler and a negative about the one that's not. For example:

Picard: Not afraid of showing his bald pate - unlike Vader.
Vader: Wears a cape to hide his flat ass.

No, this thread was not started by a biased person. ;) Well what the hell are you waiting for? Bring it on! Just try to remember that Star Trek is cool and only weenies like Star Wars. :P
Resident Prophet of the OTTer.

Section Six Soldier

Front Door of the House of Trolls

[b]If you're terribly afraid of your character dying, it may be best if you roleplayed something other than an adventurer.[/b]

As the co conspirator of this thread.

Vader Is the master of the Dark Side, and who doesn't love a good force choke?

Picard Is envious of Riker's manliness.
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Picard: First name is Jean Luc and not something lame like Darth.
Vader: Instead of a cool accent like Picard, he talks through a tin can.
Resident Prophet of the OTTer.

Section Six Soldier

Front Door of the House of Trolls

[b]If you're terribly afraid of your character dying, it may be best if you roleplayed something other than an adventurer.[/b]

Are we talking about Darth Vader Darth Vader, or Anakin Skywalker Darth Vader?
For purporses of not having way too easy to work with material, Darth Vader.. not that lame joke.

Also if we were to use Prequel Vader well um yeah... there's nothing you can say that really makes that any worse.

This is Picard and Vader at their respective "bests".
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Are we talking about Darth Vader Darth Vader, or Anakin Skywalker Darth Vader?

EDIT: NM. Use Micha's ruling. It's all good in da' hood! Unless you have to wear one to hide your hideousness. Vader. :P
Resident Prophet of the OTTer.

Section Six Soldier

Front Door of the House of Trolls

[b]If you're terribly afraid of your character dying, it may be best if you roleplayed something other than an adventurer.[/b]

Okay, well, Vader at his best is way cooler than Picard at his best. This is partially but not entirely because although Star Wars is, in fact, for nerds; Star Trek is for super-nerds.
Picard willing crewed Wesley Crusher

Vader had a Space Station capable of blowing up planets.

Do I win the thread?
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No. And here's why:

Vader: Captained a space station that had one of the worst engineering problems ever seen in the entire history of construction and failed to notice it. A bunch of rebel farmers picked up on it, though.

Picard: Invented the Picard Maneuver. That's tactics.

:P
Resident Prophet of the OTTer.

Section Six Soldier

Front Door of the House of Trolls

[b]If you're terribly afraid of your character dying, it may be best if you roleplayed something other than an adventurer.[/b]

Picard Has an addiction to his ready room. If there's trouble going on that's where he can be found hiding under the desk.

Vader Confronts trouble. With Force Choke ready in one hand. Lightsaber in the other.
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Vader: *Throat Crush*
Picard: Gurgle
Tactically, Picard would whup Vader's ass. If the two of them ever actually, physically encountered each other, though, Picard's dead. The only thing that sucks about Vader is that the later movies made him pretty lame with regards to swordplay and force-using, by comparison to other 'Darths'. Everyone is flipping around and weilding dual lightsabres and wiping out minions with a wave of the hand. Meanwhile all Vader can do is sabre-fight his untrained brat to a stand-still and choke people.
Picard: Phaser Rifle.

Vader: Lightsaber.

Phaser Rifles are always, always cool. Lightsabers are like Dinosaurs. They're cool as hell when you first see 'em ... and then you turn 10. ;)
Resident Prophet of the OTTer.

Section Six Soldier

Front Door of the House of Trolls

[b]If you're terribly afraid of your character dying, it may be best if you roleplayed something other than an adventurer.[/b]

Vader held back. It's common knowledge actually :P so the movies integrity still stands.

Vader Is in one of the coolest pen and paper games to ever be created and several awesome videogames

Picard is in the universe that contains some of the most lame videogames in history with an even worse CCG and no Pen and Paper.
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Picard: Phaser Rifle.

Vader: Lightsaber.

Phaser Rifles are always, always cool. Lightsabers are like Dinosaurs. They're cool as hell when you first see 'em ... and then you turn 10. ;)

Which would have some impact on the proceedings if Picard ever carried one. Seriously, he's got that cable remote looking thing. I remember him hefting one of those stupid looking rifles maybe twice over the course of the series. Vader's armored up and packing all the time.

That's a preparedness win for the Sith Lord, folks.
Picard: because he became locutus.

Vader: because he gets assimilated.
Vader Is a key part of one of the best movie trilogies ever.

Picard Appears in some of the odd numbered Star Trek movies. 'Nuff said.
Mountain Cleave Rule: You can have any sort of fun, including broken, silly fun, so long as I get to have that fun too (e. g., if you can warp reality with your spells, I can cleave mountains with my blade).
I don't think any of TNG movies had numbers.

Plus he had the killer speech in First Contact. Who would've thought number two was a decent director?
Vader: Has a tragic backstory.
Has a fleet of ships large enough to destroy planets at his beck and call.

Picard: Has photon torpedoes. Seriously.
And does he even have a backstory?
Things without all remedy should be without regard. - Shakespeare, Macbeth Resident Evil Madman by popular acclaim.
Picard: Has photon torpedoes. Seriously.
And does he even have a backstory?

I hear he did Dr. Crusher once.
Picard His kid might be Wesley Crusher? Omg!

/thread

Vader Has Luke Skywalker for a kid.
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I don't think any of TNG movies had numbers.

Plus he had the killer speech in First Contact. Who would've thought number two was a decent director?

It's just something that happens with the Star Trek movies. The ones that are the odds suck. The ones that are even are awesome, regardless of numbers. The fandom's pretty much accepted it as a universal truth about them.
Mountain Cleave Rule: You can have any sort of fun, including broken, silly fun, so long as I get to have that fun too (e. g., if you can warp reality with your spells, I can cleave mountains with my blade).
Picard His kid might be Wesley Crusher? Omg!

/thread

Vader Has Luke Skywalker for a kid.

So, Push?
At least we can say neither is taking part of that horrible film.

yes there is a movie coming out called Push. It's like a Heroes rip off, complete with Hatian man.
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Vader: Got lucky with Natalie Portman
Picard: Didn't get lucky with Natalie Portman
Picard: D&D doppleganger is Rudolph Van Richten

Vader: D&D doppleganger is Lord Soth.
Crusher's not Picard's kid. Picard ordered Wes's ol' man to go on the mission that killed him, though.

Vader: Loses his powers if he ever takes penicillin.

Picard: Still cool after a full course of anti-biotics.

/thread
Resident Prophet of the OTTer.

Section Six Soldier

Front Door of the House of Trolls

[b]If you're terribly afraid of your character dying, it may be best if you roleplayed something other than an adventurer.[/b]

Are you sure Zb? He might have had Beverly's husband killed cause Wesley's "Dad" was about to find out the truth!

Vader The Dark Side has cookies

Picard Had Jordi for chief engineer.
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Vader: Doesn't know the people that keep his station running.

Picard: Knows the help. And had Geordi as engineer. Geordi pwnt. And he was awesome on Reading Rainbow, too.
Resident Prophet of the OTTer.

Section Six Soldier

Front Door of the House of Trolls

[b]If you're terribly afraid of your character dying, it may be best if you roleplayed something other than an adventurer.[/b]

Oh dear god, I can't believe my statement in Gamer Hell actually spawned a Vader vs Picard thread. That is both cool (in a geeky way) and extremely nerdy (in a real world way).

My 2 coppers:

Star Wars sucks. Period.


Look, you might have been able to argue that point 10 years ago, but anyone that has seen the first three moves (I.E. the newest 3...wait 4! 4 movies! I can't believe I forgot that piece of crap new Star Wars movie. OMG it made the three movies before it actually look good. And making those movies look good is like making Fat Bastard look skinny) knows that Star Wars sucks and that George Lucas lost his mind YEARS ago. Hell, I could make a better Star Wars or Indiana Jones movie than that guy can now. And what the hell! How the hell did Emo Vader get a pedo...I mean, padowan anywho? Where the hell did that come from? What'll be in the next movie? We find out that Han Solo is also Luc's sibling and that he's been having incestuous sex with Lea for years? DEAR GOD I HATE YOU GEORGE LUCAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...... ahem, got a little carried away there.

In closing: Star Wars makes anything look good.
Are you sure Zb? He might have had Beverly's husband killed cause Wesley's "Dad" was about to find out the truth!

Vader The Dark Side has cookies

Picard Had Jordi for chief engineer.

Well, my recollection states that the ship Picard and Wesley's father were on was badly damaged. Mr. Crusher ended up giving his life working to save the ship; he succeeded, but didn't make it himself. (I think he cut an overloading warp nacelle off the ship, but I'm not positive.)
Pictures speak louder than any words I could use.

IMAGE(http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d160/ZantiRocks/picardvvader.gif)
Pictures speak louder than any words I could use.

IMAGE(http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d160/ZantiRocks/picardvvader.gif)

Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout! :D
Resident Prophet of the OTTer.

Section Six Soldier

Front Door of the House of Trolls

[b]If you're terribly afraid of your character dying, it may be best if you roleplayed something other than an adventurer.[/b]

Well, my recollection states that the ship Picard and Wesley's father were on was badly damaged. Mr. Crusher ended up giving his life working to save the ship; he succeeded, but didn't make it himself. (I think he cut an overloading warp nacelle off the ship, but I'm not positive.)

Vader: Gets his Death Star blown up, builds a new and improved version without the old weaknesses.

Picard: Still flys around in a ship where the nacelles overload and explode, the warp core overloads and explodes, the fancy light-up keyboards overload and explode...

That gif is pretty awesome though.
Vader: Gets his Death Star blown up by a kid.

Picard: Never loses to a kid.
Resident Prophet of the OTTer.

Section Six Soldier

Front Door of the House of Trolls

[b]If you're terribly afraid of your character dying, it may be best if you roleplayed something other than an adventurer.[/b]

Vader: Gets his Death Star blown up by a kid.

Picard: Never loses to a kid.

Exactly how many times was Picard upstaged by Wesley Sue?
Exactly how many times was Picard upstaged by Wesley Sue?

He was never upstaged. Wesley was a crew member - not competition. Putting aside his difficulties with children and the awkwardness between he, Wesley and Wesley's mom shows great leadership and not a failure of any sort. Letting some hick farm kid exploit a weakness you should have been aware of is true failure. ;)
Resident Prophet of the OTTer.

Section Six Soldier

Front Door of the House of Trolls

[b]If you're terribly afraid of your character dying, it may be best if you roleplayed something other than an adventurer.[/b]

FADE IN
SCENE: Space
The Enterprize sits stationary in space. The Death Star dwarfs the small
vessel.

SCENE: Enterprize Bridge
Spock: "The object appears to be a man-made construct. It is roughly the size
of a small moon. They do have
some primitive technology."
Kirk: "We should beam over and investigate.
Sulu: "What about the prime directive, Captain?"
Kirk: "The what?"
Sulu (under breath): "Idiot."
Kirk: "Ok, all of you bridge crew... except you Uhura... get ready to beam
over."
Uhuru (under breath): "Chauvenist pig."

On the way to the transporter room, Kirk stops off at the RedShirt holding pen
and selects one unlucky RedShirt
to accompany the brigde crew onto the small metal planetoid.

SCENE: Death Star Hallway
Six forms materialize. Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Mr. Sulu, Mr. Chekov, Bones and
the RedShirt appear, phasers
out and ready. Closeup on Redshirt's face reveals beads of sweat on his
forehead. Eight Stormtroopers round
the corner.

ST#1: "There are the intruders. Blast 'em!"

All eight Stormtroopers open fire. All eight hit the RedShirt. The Enterprize's
bridge crew return fire,
obliterating the Stormtroopers.

Kirk: "That wasn't so tough. My shirt didn't even get ripped."
Bones (kneeling over RedShirt's body): "He's dead, Jim."
Kirk: "Who?"
Bones: "Ensign... whatsizname? The RedShirt."
Kirk: "Oh! Him! Yeah, well... we have more."

A doorway at the end of the hall slides open. The omnimous form of Darth Vader
fills the doorway. He is flanked
by two Stormtroopers.

Kirk (to crew): "Oh good! Another bad guy!"
Kirk (to Vader): "We come in peace!"
Kirk (to crew): "Phasers on kill!"

The Enterprize's bridge crew open fire, concentrating on Vader. Vader raises
his hand and dissipates the
energy of the phaser beams.

Spock: "Our phasers seem to have no effect on him, Captain."
Kirk: "We'll just have to take him out in hand to hand. Use your nerve pinch."

Spock advances on Vader, makes it about three feet then turns to Kirk.

Spock (strained voice): "Captain, I am experiencing a bizarre lack of oxygen. I
belive this entity is..."

Spock keels over. Kirk has one of his infamous melodramatic moments, yelling
something unintelligible. Kirk
charges Vader. There is a brilliant red-white flash visual effect accompanied
by a snap-hiss sound effect. Kirk
falls down, in two entirely seperate directions, then disolves. His shirt is
ripped, but it's too late to save him.
Closeup on each of the Enterprize's bridge crew exchanging amazed looks. (Sulu
doesn't look entirely
displeased.)

Sulu (into communicator): "Scotty, beam us up!"
Sulu (to no-one in particular): "I've always wanted to say that."

The remaining bridge crew dematerialize. Vader kicks Kirks clothes on his way
back to the Death Star's
command room.

SCENE: Enterprize Bridge
The bridge crew race to their positions. Sulu assumes command and sits in the
comfy chair.

SCENE: Death Star Command Room
Grand Moff Tarkin stands looking thoughtfully at a large display screen. Vader
stands nearby.

Tarkin (to DS gunnery crew): "You may fire when ready."

Gunnery crew members start pulling levers and pushing buttons.

SCENE: Enterprize bridge
Chekov: "They zeem to be powering up zome zort of energy veapon!"

SCENE: Death Star Innards
Two precariously placed, unlucky DS crew members cower as a brilliant beam of
energy streaks past them down
a long tunnel.

SCENE: Enterprize bridge
Sulu (yelling): "SHIELDS!"

SCENE: Space
Several small beams of energy fuse into one really big one. The beam strikesthe Enterprize. Nifty explosion
visual effect.

SCENE: DS Command Center
Tarkin : "Well that wasn't so tough."
Vader: "We lost eight Stormtroopers."
Tarkin: "Well, we have more."

FADE OUT
:heehee
Things without all remedy should be without regard. - Shakespeare, Macbeth Resident Evil Madman by popular acclaim.
Picard: Good Guy
Vader: Bad Guy

Picard wins.
Another day, another three or four entries to my Ignore List.
Picard: Good Guy
Vader: Bad Guy

Picard wins.

What? I would have pulled off this same argumentation the exactly opposite way. Everyone knows bad guys are cool because they're all tragic and misunderstood and stuff. Being good is just lame.
Things without all remedy should be without regard. - Shakespeare, Macbeth Resident Evil Madman by popular acclaim.