Six Types Of Roleplayers (long)

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A long time ago there was a witty joke of a sort about the 4 types of roleplayers - Real Men, Real Roleplayers, Real Loons, and Real Munchkins, that was created by a group of people at a convention. For my personal amusement I added two more - Real Jerks and Real Lawyers. I unfortunately had long since lost the article, but in a bout of boredom decided to make one up in a 3E-centric theme. Feel free to add your own.

Real Men: Bash down the door, kill the monsters, save the princess.
Real Roleplayers: Auditioning for a Broadway play.
Real Loons: The Three Stooges would take lessons from them.
Real Munchkins: If you have to ask, you are one.
Real Jerks: The less fun you have, the more fun they have.
Real Lawyers: Thou shalt only have fun as the rules dictate.

1. How they regard Real Men.
Real Men are brothers in arms, fight together to save the world.
Real Roleplayers hide behind them.
Real Loons try to get them to lighten up, preferable from a safe distance.
Real Munchkins try to emulate them but end up getting themselves killed, or more likely, getting everyone else killed.
Real Jerks help them to die a glorious death, at least just die.
Real Lawyers double check their abilities.

2. How they regard Real Roleplayers.
Real Men protect them, usually from themselves.
Real Roleplayers have great romances, blood feuds, and share recipes.
Real Loons mock them with overdramatic interest in an NPC’s family history.
Real Munchkins complain they take away from game time.
Real Jerks guilt them into doing what they want.
Real Lawyers complain they take away from game time.

3. How they regard Real Loons.
Real Men will smack them upside the head if they get close enough.
Real Roleplayers sigh “At least they’re roleplaying”.
Real Loons one up each other in practical jokes.
Real Munchkins try to emulate them and fail horribly.
Real Jerks encourage them in hopes they get themselves killed. A Loon is only permitted one joke at his expense, for then the Jerk will kill him.
Real Lawyers ruin their jokes by showing how they don’t follow the rules thus can’t work.

4. How they regard Real Munchkins.
Real Men ignore them.
Real Roleplayers trick them into doing something stupid. Very easy.
Real Loons continuously play practical jokes against them.
Real Munchkins don’t recognize themselves.
Real Jerks find them too easy, but will get them killed off if bored or they become too annoying.
Real Lawyers constantly roll their eyes and explain, again, how they’re not following the rules.

5. How they regard Real Jerks.
Real Men shun them and will even quit a gaming group because of them.
Real Roleplayers sigh “At least they’re roleplaying.”
Real Loons continuously push their buttons.
Real Munchkins have a vendetta against them in perpetuity, regardless of character, campaign, or game.
Real Jerks team up and share smug looks with each other.
Real Lawyers grit their teeth because they are following the rules.

6. How they regard Real Lawyers
Real Men tell them to shut up because they’re ruining the fun.
Real Roleplayers tell them to shut up because they’re ruining the fun.
Real Loons use the rules to have something stupid happen then shove it in their faces with a smile.
Real Munchkins argue back they are following the rules and show precisely how they can get +50 to hit, +100 damage.
Real Jerks go out of their way to show how they follow the rules when the Real Lawyer’s character bites it.
Real Lawyers have alignment debates.

7. Preferred character creation method.
Real Men like 4d6, drop lowest, arrange as desired.
Real Roleplayers like 32 Point Buy
Real Loons like 3d6, in order.
Real Munchkins like 6d6, reroll ones, drop lowest.
Real Jerks like 25 Point Buy
Real Lawyers like 28 Point Buy

8. Favorite race.
Real Men like humans and dwarves.
Real Roleplayers like elves and half-elves.
Real Loons like halflings.
Real Munchkins like what is most appropriate for the class they want to play.
Real Jerks like gnomes.
Real Lawyers like what is most appropriate for the class they want to play.

9. Favorite alignment.
Real Men are Lawful Good.
Real Roleplayers are Neutral Good.
Real Loons are Chaotic Neutral.
Real Munchkins are Lawful Good on the character sheet, Chaotic Evil in play.
Real Jerks are True Neutral on the character sheet, Neutral Evil in play.
Real Lawyers are whatever fits their current character.

10. Favorite Class, PHB.
Real Men play Paladins, Rangers, Fighters, or Barbarians.
Real Roleplayers play Clerics or Druids.
Real Loons play Bards or Rogues.
Real Munchkins play Paladins, Wizards, or Sorcerers.
Real Jerks play Rogues.
Real Lawyers play what they didn’t play last game.

11. Favorite Class, non-PHB.
Real Men play Crusaders, Warblades, Psy-Warriors, Duskblades, or Knights.
Real Roleplayers play Favored Souls, Erudites, Shujengas, or Wu-Jen.
Real Loons play Spellthieves or Soulknives.
Real Munchkins play Ninjas or Psions.
Real Jerks play Beguilers or Psions.
Real Lawyers play what they didn’t play last game.

12. Favorite Feat
Real Men take Power Attack.
Real Roleplayers take Negotiator or Persuasive.
Real Loons take Skill Focus (Basket weaving).
Real Munchkins take Improved Initiative.
Real Jerks take Quick Draw or Weapon Finesse
Real Lawyers take Leadership.

13. Favorite Skill
Real Men like Intimidate.
Real Roleplayers like Diplomacy.
Real Loons like Profession.
Real Munchkins like Tumble.
Real Jerks like Spot, Search, Hide, Move Silently, and Pick Pocket.
Real Lawyers like Search.

14. Favorite Wizard spell.
Real Men cast Displacement.
Real Roleplayers cast Summon Monster
Real Loons cast Tasha’s Hideous Laughter.
Real Munchkins cast Fireball.
Real Jerks cast Invisibility.
Real Lawyers cast Suggestion.

15. Favorite Cleric spell.
Real Men cast Bull’s Strength.
Real Roleplayers cast Sanctuary.
Real Loons cast Create Water.
Real Munchkins cast Divine Power.
Real Jerks cast (Greater) Command.
Real Lawyers cast Holy Word.

16. Favorite Cleric Domain.
Real Men like Strength.
Real Roleplayers like Animal.
Real Loons like Luck.
Real Munchkins like War.
Real Jerks like Luck.
Real Lawyers like Magic.

17. Favorite Druid spell.
Real Men cast Flame Blade.
Real Roleplayers cast Speak With Plants.
Real Loons cast Giant Vermin.
Real Munchkins cast Finger Of Death.
Real Jerks cast Creeping Doom.
Real Lawyers cast Flaming Sphere.

18. Favorite Prestige Class.
Real Men like Hospitaler.
Real Roleplayers like Divine Oracle.
Real Loons like Shining Blade Of Heironeous.
Real Munchkins like Planar Shepherd.
Real Jerks like Loremaster.
Real Lawyers like Abjurant Champion.

19. Favorite Druid Animal Companion.
Real Men want a brown bear.
Real Roleplayers want a badger.
Real Loons want a pony.
Real Munchkins want a Tyrannosaurus.
Real Jerks want a snake.
Real Lawyers want a dire wolverine.

20. Favorite Ranger Favored Enemies.
Real Men fight Undead, Outsider (Evil), Dragon, Giant, Aberration.
Real Roleplayers fight Humanoid (goblinoid), Humanoid (orc), Humanoid (reptilian), Humanoid (gnoll), Elemental
Real Loons fight Ooze, Fey, Plant, Vermin, Magical beast
Real Munchkins fight Humanoid (human), Humanoid (orc), Dragon, Giant, Monstrous Humanoid.
Real Jerks fight whatever races other players have then whatever DM throws at party the most.
Real Lawyers fight whatever races DM throw at party the most.

21. Favorite Familiar.
Real Men have an Owl.
Real Roleplayers have a Raven.
Real Loons have a Toad.
Real Munchkins have a Weasel.
Real Jerks have a Rat.
Real Lawyers have a Bat.

22. Favorite magic armor.
Real Men wear Fortification armor.
Real Roleplayers wear Glamered armor.
Real Loons wear Undead Controlling armor.
Real Munchkins wear +5 Animated Heavy Shield, +5 Full Plate, Spell Resistance, Invulnerability, Fire Resistance, Acid Resistance, Electricity Resistance, Fortification, Slick, Greater Silent Moves
Real Jerks wear Elven Chain shirt +3.
Real Lawyers wear Full Plate +2, Fire Resistance.

23. Favorite magic weapon.
Real Men wield Holy Avenger or Sunblade.
Real Roleplayers wield Shatterspike.
Real Loons wield Great sword +2, Berserking, Cursed.
Real Munchkins wield Great sword +5, Shocking Burst, Speed, Spellstoring, Dragonbane, Giantbane, Keen.
Real Jerks wield Shortsword of Speed.
Real Lawyers wield Flaming Longsword +2.

24. Favorite ring.
Real Men wear Ring of Protection +2.
Real Roleplayers wear Ring of Sustenance.
Real Loons wear Ring of Improved Climbing.
Real Munchkins wear Ring of Djinni Calling.
Real Jerks wear Ring of Invisibility.
Real Lawyers wear Ring of Telekinesis.

25. Favorite rod.
Real Men use Rod of Lordly Might.
Real Roleplayers use Rod of Splendor.
Real Loons use Rod of Cancellation.
Real Munchkins use Rod of Wonder.
Real Jerks use Rod of Absorption.
Real Lawyers use Rod of Security.

26. Favorite staff.
Real Men use Staff Of Healing.
Real Roleplayers use Staff Of Divination.
Real Loons use Staff Of Evocation.
Real Munchkins break the Staff Of Power.
Real Jerks use Staff Of Transmutation.
Real Lawyers use Staff Of Size Alteration.

27. Favorite minor wondrous item.
Real Men wear Cloak Of Resistance +1.
Real Roleplayers use Quaal’s Feather Token - Tree.
Real Loons wear Robe Of Useful Items.
Real Munchkins wear Necklace of Fireball Type III.
Real Jerks use a Bag Of Holding Type II.
Real Lawyers wear Amulet Of Health +2.

28. Favorite medium wondrous item.
Real Men wear Bracers of Armor +5.
Real Roleplayers use Figurine Of Wondrous Power, Onyx Dog.
Real Loons wear Boots Of Speed.
Real Munchkins wield Mattock Of The Titans.
Real Jerks wear Cloak Of Minor Displacement.
Real Lawyers wear Belt Of Giant Strength +4.

29. Favorite major wondrous item.
Real Men read Manual of Gainful Exercise +4.
Real Roleplayers use the Gem Of Seeing.
Real Loons use the Apparatus Of Kwalish.
Real Munchkins wear the Helm Of Brilliance.
Real Jerks wear Cloak Of Major Displacement.
Real Lawyers wear the Robe Of Eyes.

30. Favorite minor artifact.
Real Men like Hammer Of Thunderbolts.
Real Roleplayers like Philosopher’s Stone.
Real Loons like Sphere Of Annihilation.
Real Munchkins like Deck Of Many Things.
Real Jerks like Talisman Of Zagy.
Real Lawyers like Book Of Infinite Spells.

31. Favorite major artifact.
Real Men like The Shield Of Prator.
Real Roleplayers like The Orbs Of Dragon Kind.
Real Loons like The Moaning Diamond.
Real Munchkins like The Hand And Eye Of Vecna.
Real Jerks like The Sword Of Kas.
Real Lawyers like The Shadowstaff.

32. Favorite way for their character to die.
Real Men like to be a martyr.
Real Roleplayers like to give a Final Speech.
Real Loons like to die the first game session.
Real Munchkins huh?
Real Jerks don’t even lose a hit point, they’re so superior, but they are plotting to kill your character. Might as well create a new one now.
Real Lawyers don’t want the DM to fudge.

33. How they prefer treasure division.
Real Men want treasure to go to who can use it the most and then who’s behind.
Real Roleplayers discuss what everyone else needs and take the leftovers.
Real Loons prefer using an item without knowing what it does, then keep it.
Real Munchkins loot other party members’ dead bodies. Sometimes they’re not dead yet.
Real Jerks treasure hunt while the rest of the party is engaged in battle or otherwise go on many side quests for their own private stash. They never tell the party all of what they find that is legitimately group treasure. Will sometimes steal from other party members.
Real Lawyers want all items identified, everyone gets an equal share, and roll off if two or more players want the same item.

34. Favorite monster.
Real Men fight dragons.
Real Roleplayers fight vampires.
Real Loons fight kobolds.
Real Munchkins fight the Tarrasque.
Real Jerks kiss succubi.
Real Lawyers can tell you the monster statistics.

35. New player joins the group.
Real Men demand he proves himself in battle.
Real Roleplayers ask him lots of questions, in and out of character.
Real Loons see if he can take a joke.
Real Munchkins ignore him.
Real Jerks take advantage of him.
Real Lawyers make sure he doesn’t cheat.

36. As the DM.
Real Men provide lots of dungeon crawls, lots of combat, little roleplay filler to explain why the party is entering the next dungeon.
Real Roleplayers provide political intrigue, family feuds, romantic interludes, riddles, puzzles, and when combat does happen, it’s the Mother Of All Combats To Save The World Or Else You’re Doomed! Doomed! DOOMED!
Real Loons trap the loo.
Real Munchkins give out all magic items and have the party kill gods.
Real Jerks boast their PC death count.
Real Lawyers have their own Handbook of House Rules.

37. If the entire playing group is one.
Real Men play miniatures.
Real Roleplayers LARP.
Real Loons play a game, then play a different game next week, then go to the movies the next week, everyone simultaneously forget to meet the following week, complain there’s nothing to do the week after, then play a game the next week, play a different game the following week …
Real Munchkins scream and shout, driving their parents, neighbors, store patrons, etc., crazy.
Real Jerks go to the bar.
Real Lawyers break up after 3 months because of all the rules arguments.

38. At a gaming convention.
Real Men go to the dealer’s room.
Real Roleplayers try to figure out the Con puzzle.
Real Loons dress up in crazy costumes.
Real Munchkins run and shout.
Real Jerks sign up for games, taking up slots, then don’t show up.
Real Lawyers only play games they are intimately familiar with and insist others are playing it wrong.

39. There’s a tavern fight.
Real Men are in heaven.
Real Roleplayers hide under the table.
Real Loons started it.
Real Munchkins attack the women and children.
Real Jerks steal the cash.
Real Lawyers improvise weapons, spending 5 minutes to come up with the combat statistics.

40. How they fight the dragon.
Real Men face it head on.
Real Roleplayers rescue the dragon’s prisoner if there is one; otherwise they use battle tactics.
Real Loons wake the dragon.
Real Munchkins wield their +5 Vorpal Sword of Dragon Slaying.
Real Jerk steal the treasure while everyone else is fighting.
Real Lawyers complain the battle is too easy.
Support Cedric Diggory, the real Hogwarts Champion!

Some of the class choices and magic items I didn't agree with, but I liked alot of it. Pretty funny.

I recognized myself in more than one role. I think my party is comprised of hybrids: a Roleplayer/Jerk, a Jerk/Lawyer, a Man/Lawyer, a Munchkin/Lawyer, Man/Munchkin, and a... something else. They're all more complicated than one or two though. Honestly though, I've only known a handful of gamers who fit one of those molds perfectly.
hahahahahahah this is great, most people i play with on a regular basis fall into one or two of these categories, and this gives me an excellent view on how my gaming group works.
For seeming eons we have worked to try and perfect our group by enforcing role playing rules and trying to mold people, but this makes me realize that you simply have to play the hand your dealt and enjoy the ride.
Here's a few more:

41: What shape is your character sheet in?
Real Men: Pretty good, except for the beer/soda stains and a salsa stain.
Real Roleplayers: Pristine and Laminated, thank you very much.
Real Loons: Right here! *holds up crumpled ball of papers*
Real Munchkins: *holds up eraser-covered sheet* Why, yes I always had 18 dexterity and 14 ranks in Escape Artist...
Real Jerks: Pretty good. But I like lighting other character's sheets on fire...
Real Lawyers: Good, I keep it in a folder that I never forget to bring.

42: What is the appropriate level to face the Tarrasque?
Real Men: Anytime someone sends us on a quest to defeat it.
Real Roleplayers: NEVER! It is an important creature, and my character would have nothing to do with making such a specimen extinct.
Real Loons: Level 1. I don't care if it kills us, it'll just be really silly to see it slip around on a grease spell.
Real Munchkins: Level 9. Flight + Baleful Polymorph. Or wait until I can Mind switch/Dominate it... hmmm...
Real Jerks: Whenever I have Invisibility and flight and no one else in the party does.
Real Lawyers: Level 20. It's a CR 20 monster. According to the DMG, however, we could face him as a level 19 party.

43: A party member has fallen in battle. What do you do?
Real Men: Avenge her by brutally attacking the killer.
Real Roleplayers: Mourn the death mid-battle.
Real Loons: Use him as an improvised weapon.
Real Munchkins: Casts either Create Undead (Bone/Corpse Creature) or Animate Dread Warrior. As a Supernatural ability.
Real Jerks: Loot him.
Real Lawyers: Cast Revivify.

44: What is your favorite thing for the DM to say?
Real Men: "Roll initiative."
Real Roleplayers: "Now, as you meet the Queen/King/Leader/other important person..."
Real Loons: "WTF are you doing??"
Real Munchkins: "Sure I'll allow that book. What's the worse that can happen?"
Real Jerks: "Oh no! You died!" (to another player, of course)
Real Lawyers: "Let me check the book."
Ah... Everyone loves a lawyer it seems.
Wow, at my table we have : 2 roleplayers, 1 man/jerk/loon, 1 lawyer, and one quiet person.
I thought that the Loon would pie the dragon in the face and try to use real or rubber chickens as improvised weapons. That and fight the undead with seltzer water. Though a smart Loon would have it blessed first.
Here's a few more:

41: What shape is your character sheet in?
Real Men: Pretty good, except for the beer/soda stains and a salsa stain.
Real Roleplayers: Pristine and Laminated, thank you very much.
Real Loons: Right here! *holds up crumpled ball of papers*
Real Munchkins: *holds up eraser-covered sheet* Why, yes I always had 18 dexterity and 14 ranks in Escape Artist...
Real Jerks: Pretty good. But I like lighting other character's sheets on fire...
Real Lawyers: Good, I keep it in a folder that I never forget to bring.

I'm thinking ...

Real Jerks hide their character sheet and say "What business is it of yours? This is my character. Stop metagaming, but I'll tell you something. My Strength is higher than yours."
Support Cedric Diggory, the real Hogwarts Champion!
I'm a Real Man/Real Lawyer but more of the Real Lawyer...but in a good way...I'm the guardian rules lawyer, helping out people and remembering all the forgotten rules and bonuses that often help the characters...
i quit a game because there was a player who refused to let the GM see their character sheet, or let him know what his stats or classes were or anything, and i knew this player as a liberal rules bender, and the GM folded.
Hm... I appear to be a Roleplayer/Man. Sounds about right.
Well, I guess I am all but the Man and lawyer...shouldn't the "Real Man" just read "SMASH FACE!!! RAWR!!!"?
I used to be Real Man/Real Roleplayer, but I recognize I am now Real Man/Real Lawyer. I blame my DM. He wants me to be the group's rules lawyer to help clear up ambiguities. I've been doing it for so long, when I played a one-shot convention game a few months ago with players not intimately familiar with the rules, I couldn't stop myself pointing out when someone gets an attack of opportunity, when someone doesn't get an attack of opportunity, you only get one attack because you moved more than 5ft, etc.
Support Cedric Diggory, the real Hogwarts Champion!
Heh... funny stuff.

45. While on night-watch.
Real Men are ever-vigilant and alert to even the slightest sight or sound.
Real Roleplayers play a musical instrument or engage in meaningful conversation with anyone else who's awake.
Real Loons don't keep watch, and wander away from camp with little or no provocation.
Real Munchkins don't sleep. If you thought they were sleeping, you were mistaken.
Real Jerks look through the other characters' belongs as they sleep, and steal what they like. Always blame it on someone else in the morning. They don't alert other characters to danger.
Real Lawyers note the location of every other character so the DM can apply proper listen/spot check modifiers.

46. Rolling Dice.
Real Men always roll dice for critical hits, and never simply multiply.
Real Roleplayers note verbosely how their life hangs in the balance on every saving throw.
Real Loons always roll their hit die, never take the average.
Real Munchkins never roll a "1." Keep their results concealed away from prying eyes.
Real Jerks secretly forfeit their saving throws against charm and domination.
Real Lawyers demand that all rolls (including the DM's rolls) be witnessed, so nothing can be fudged.

47. Carrying equipment.
Real Men pride themselves on carrying their own gear. If it's a heavy load though, they use a mighty steed.
Real Roleplayers comb through the PHB equipment list for anything and everything that is appropriate out-of-combat (flint and steel, cooking pots, soap, etc...). Medium load.
Real Loons insist on bringing the most impractical belongings. "This water-clock goes wherever I go!" Heavy load, though they drop everything when they need to run.
Real Munchkins don't track equipment weight. Always a light load (at least until the DM checks).
Real Jerks get other characters to carry their non-combat gear for them. "Hey, you've got some spare room on that mighty steed!" Light load.
Real Lawyers are always exactly 1 pound shy of carrying a medium load.

48. Favourite special attacks.
Real Men: Bull Rush, Charge, Turn Undead.
Real Roleplayers: Aid Another, Disarm, Sunder, Grapple.
Real Loons: Grapple only.
Real Munchkins: Feint, Trip, Two-Weapon Fighting.
Real Jerks: Throw Splash Weapon (preferably while ally is within splash radius).
Real Lawyers: Whatever is most appropriate at the moment. No fear of using Grapple rules.

49. Dealing nonlethal damage.
Real Men don't. Ever.
Real Roleplayers deal nonlethal damage regularly. Prisoners must always be taken and interrogated; BBEG's must learn the error of their ways.
Real Loons deal nonlethal damage only incidentally, as a result of improvised weaponry.
Real Munchkins only deal nonlethal damage with specific weapons that deal it (the most potent weapon available). They never accept a -4 penalty.
Real Jerks never deal nonlethal damage to a foe who is being dealt nonlethal damage by an ally. Additionally, charmed or dominated allies are always dealt lethal damage.
Real Lawyers only deal nonlethal damage if the foe is legally subject to nonlethal damage (and they know the difference).

50. Using poison.
Real Men don't have the time or patience to use poison.
Real Roleplayers keep a vial handy, if only for "angsty" suicide contemplation purposes.
Real Loons use poison often. No fear of poisoning self.
Real Munchkins use poison, in prepared weapon capsules.
Real Jerks keep a vial of potent poison on their person at all times, labelled "healing potion."
Real Lawyers berate DMs for allowing poisons to be purchased when it's "obviously beyond this village's gp limit," or if the supplies to create the poison are unavailable to that part of the world.

51. Book availability/condition.
Real Men own their own books, which have seen a lot of abuse (stains, cracked spine, pages falling out, etc...)
Real Roleplayers rarely own even a single book. They borrow books when needed, but keep them in excellent condition while borrowed.
Real Loons have a PHB they got on-the-cheap from somewhere. Decent condition.
Real Munchkins have the core books, and any supplement that can up their builds' damage potential.
Real Jerks borrow books, and return them in terrible condition.
Real Lawyers have extensive book collections, in pristine condition, often with bookmarks and post-it notes for important rules. They have all errata up-to-date in print form.

52. Dice availability/condition.
Real Men have at least a full set of dice, though they may be old and battle-worn. Occasionally names them.
Real Roleplayers have very few (if any) dice, often borrowing from others.
Real Loons have a mish-mash collection of dice, several of which aren't even appropriate to the game (How'd that doubling cube get in there?). Always ready to roll his 100-sider.
Real Munchkins have a Crown Royal bag full of dice, and that's just what they bring to the game. More dice = more power.
Real Jerks borrow dice, and don't return them all.
Real Lawyers have a few full sets of dice, usually high-precision dice with as little bias as physically possible. They never have "lucky" dice.
I'll sometimes go days without being online; Have patience, it may take me days to respond.
Wow, I think I'm mostly the roleplayer-type.

And I honestly don't like the kind of lawyers, which constantly search for everything the DM says in the rules.
If it's not in the rules or doesn't fit the rules, they kill the whole gaming experience this evening by discussing it over and over and over.

Thats the "bad" lawyer!

I'm also a little bit of the "good" lawyer. I know a lot of the rules, so if anbody needs to know a certain rule, they ask me. But i would not interfere in the DMs affairs.
The reason the the munchkins have an Crown Royal bag that is practically BURSTING with dice is so that no person will have the patience to check them all for even weight distribution.

Addendum to 52: The Munchkin or Jerk will tend to have at least one "lucky" die that always seems to roll a natural 20 nine times out of ten.


53. Typical combat description:

Real Men: "With a fearsome battle cry, I charge at the orc, two-handed sword raised above my head!"

Real Roleplayers: "With a cutting remark, I swing from the chandelier and deliver a twirling riposte that knocks the foul orc's falchion from his hands."

Real Loons: "I throw my sword at the enemy and try to bonk him on the head with my scabbard!"

Real Munchkins: "I jump in and cut him in half with my secret ninja lotus decapitation strike!"

Real Jerks: "I loot the dead orcs' bodies while they mop up the others."

Real Lawyers: "Wait, there's no rules for swinging on chandeliers! Shouldn't he get a -4 penalty to attack?"

...Malevolent dieties, these are all me...

ResidentDie-hard 3.x supporter! 12833.png I don't resent 4E. I just see its players as... misguided by its oversimplicity. I DO resent the original marketing for it, though.

I couldn't be any more of a rule lawyer. Nine of ten of the things used to detail a lawyer details me.

Rules lawyer and proud of it.

Real Lawyers: Whatever is most appropriate at the moment. No fear of using Grapple rules.

You fool! Everybody fears the Grapple rule!!
Wise words on how to conceal a polymorphed dragon from detection. . .
57064968 wrote:
Through a tarp over it, with the words "DM Exposition & Fluff File."Because players ignore fluff & exposition all the time.

I fit into all but the Lawyer and Jerk. I can't stand rules lawyers.

Feel Free to add me as a friend. I am always looking for more of those around here The Pathfinder Archives: A WotC community dedicated to Pathfinder and the conversion/creation of new Feats, Races, Classes, Prestige Classes, Equipment and more. Haynz Designs: T-Shirts and more Designed by Fallensbane. Roleplaying Inspired merchandise available. Fallensbane on Deviant Art: My Deviant art page. I upload Photography, Photo-shop work and sometimes RPG Maps and Resources

That was a great list I really love the weapon description I played for years with a munchkin who pretty thought a weapon was non-magical if it had less than 5 properties and his 1rst level characters had at least 8 starting feats. Not fun for the DM at all.

Great list.  Laughing so hard made my babes wonder what Mom was up to now.

I'm a happy, looney, roleplayer most of the time.  The lawyer (actually the accountant which is worse) only appears to politely smack some sense and manners into the munchkins and teach the jerks that they are petty little worms and they really don't want to experience the full wrath of my PMS if they spoil my happy, looney, mostly by the book, fun.  When this happens the real men who have played with me for years stand back with their arms crossed over their chest, shaking their heads saying "Oh man, you've gone and done it now."


52. Dice availability/condition. Real Men have at least a full set of dice, though they may be old and battle-worn. Occasionally names them. Real Roleplayers have very few (if any) dice, often borrowing from others. Real Loons have a mish-mash collection of dice, several of which aren't even appropriate to the game (How'd that doubling cube get in there?). Always ready to roll his 100-sider. Real Munchkins have a Crown Royal bag full of dice, and that's just what they bring to the game. More dice = more power. Real Jerks borrow dice, and don't return them all. Real Lawyers have a few full sets of dice, usually high-precision dice with as little bias as physically possible. They never have "lucky" dice.

I'd say the Real Roleplayers have several matched sets of dice with one color theme or style predominating, all blue, or all sparklely, and either a japanese embroidered or fringed leather bag they store them in.

The Real Lawyers arrange all of their dice in order on the table with the highest number on top and always make sure they have the right number of d6 counted out before hand for their 10d6 fireball.  They store their dice in the orignial plastic boxes they came in.

And finally, confession time... there is a doubling cube in my dice bag, and I have no idea where the backgammon set it came from is.  Thankfully in my defense, I don't own a d100 though.

54. Your character is granted a Wish as a reward.

Real Men Wish for an ability boost or a magic item.

Real Roleplayers Wish for something to help NPCs they know.

Real Loons Wish for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Real Munchkins salivate then Wish for something to Win D&D.

Real Jerks Wish for something they can use to their advantage forever more to get away with stuff.

Real Lawyers first write down their Wish, look it over, make corrections, start over and repeat this process, and then finally announce what they want.

55. As the DM granting Wish as a reward.

Real Men give you what you want unless it would ruin the game, in which case it just doesn't work and you don't get to try again.

Real Roleplayers give you want you want unless it would ruin the game, in which case it just doesn't work but you do get to try again.

Real Loons give you what you want but there's an embarassing side effect.

Real Munchkins say "Is that all?  Very well." and give you what you want.

Real Jerks twist your words into the most horrible thing possible to the detriment of your character.

Real Lawyers go over your Wish with a fine-tooth comb to give you what you want but with the least amount of literal truth as possible.


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