Ask an Aberration! with Thiloq and Dragx

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:coolcthul Greetings, and welcome to Ask an Aberration! I'm Thiloq, and this is my co-host, Dragx.
Blearrgh!
:coolcthul Ah...thank you, Dragx. We're here to answer all your aberrant questions, offer advice, and generally help out. So drop us a line; you know the number...
Die, puny mortals! All die!!
What exactly does the Great Mother of all beholders look like?



How did "half-illithads" come to be if mindflayers don't mate sexually?




What happens if an illithad tadpole is implanted in the ear of a mindflayer?
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:coolcthul Great questions, all. Dragx, why don't you field that first one?
The Great Mother...she is the essence of beauty. Your puny mortal minds would explode from viewing her magnificence. She is round, with a single, perfect eye, ten glorious eyestalks, and long, sharp, lovely teeth. She looks just like me.
:coolcthul Erm...yes. Well, while it's true that we don't mate in the way you mammals do, we raise our beloved tadpoles in great, mucousy pools. When the time is right, a tadpole is implanted in the ear of a lucky humanoid. Some parents get a trifle...experimental...but they only want the best for their offspring.
Blearrgh! Is stupid!
:coolcthul And to answer the third question...well, that couldn't actually happen. You see, we don't have external ears...or even ear-holes. We hear through very thin plates of bone on the sides of our skulls.
Stupid mortal!
Thanks for asking!
On the subject of Will-o’-wisps;
-What are they?
-Where do they come from?
-How do they think?
-What are their ultimate goals?
:coolcthul Ah, the wisps...few people remember that they are also aberrations. As to what they are, I believe they are essentially giant amoebas from the Elemental Plane of Air; isn't that correct?
Stupid wispies! Not taste good!
:coolcthul True, true. No real brains to speak of. And I believe that answers your second question as well: the ascestors of the wisps come from the Plane of Air, though they have lived on the Prime plane long enough to consider it their home.
Think? Wispies not think!
:coolcthul Now, now. While their minds are somewhat...rudimentary by my peoples' standards, the average wisp has as much deductive power as the more advanced human. I am given to understand that a wisp's "brain," such as it is, is distrubuted equally throught its body, much like an ooze. And...ahh, what was the last question?
What are their goals?
:coolcthul Ah, yes. Well, I would assume their goals are similar to those or all rational creatures: food, shelter, offspring, and world domination. Would you agree, Dragx?
Those are my goals.
Well I have a few questions. Oozes seem very similer to abberations. Are they disobediant abberations who once belonged to a civilized abberation race from a certain environment and for there punishment were transformed into mindless monsters who still have abberational traits? I have seen some ooze like abberations in my day... My final question is where did illithids evolve from?
What would happen if an illithid tadpole was implanted into a mind flayer's brain? Don't avoid the question by saying mind flayers don't have ears, either! If you can't find a hole make one!

On a less violent note, why do all abberation seem so evil? Can't they love instead?

Yes, love to DEATH! Muahahahahaaaaa!
:coolcthul Well, jackelslang21, the oozes as a class actually have a variety of origins. While I am not personally aware of any with the background you describe...Dragx?
The teratomorph...I think it's from the Far Realm.
:coolcthul A good point; the teratomorph is, most likely, a fallen aberration. Other possibilities include the bone ooze and the infamous corrupture. And, of course, there are aberrations with oozelike traits, such as the gibbering mouther.
Off-topic!
:coolcthul Beg pardon. A number of the more common oozes seem to be merely amoebas or protozoans of some sort, grown to monstrous size...or, more accurately, vast colonies of such creatures, acting as a single entity.
What about you 'lithids? What did you evolve from?
:coolcthul Well, as to that--
Are there mind flayer apes?
:coolcthul Now see here--
Neanderthal mind flayers?
:coolcthul Quiet! If you must know, the origins of my race are shrouded in mystery, even to us. The elder brains undoubtedly know, but I can only speculate. One theory holds that our ancestors were a form of warm-blooded, tentacled marine amphibian that experiences an apotheosis when they first consumed the brain of a humanoid. Another holds that we are descended from a renegade band of elans who pushed their psionic experiements to their utmost limit. I myself favor a simpler theory...we are extraplanar in origin, hailing from the Far Realm. There, we are as humans are in this, lesser world: the dominant species.
...What about ear-holes?
:coolcthul To answer this question defnitively, I have called in the famous Professor Squlth, wizard and loremaster. Welcome, Professor!
:88E: Thank you, Thiloq. It's good to be here.
:coolcthul Professor, what is your opinion on this rather...esoteric subject?
:88E: After consulting several divinatory spells and performing a few experiments, it is my belief that the trasnformation induced by an illithid tadpole is both physiological and psychological: the lucky donor is transformed physically, as well as mentally. In the case of a tadpole being implanted in a fully-formed adult illithid, I believe only the psychological alterations would occur.
Wha? Use real words!
:88E: (sigh) The tadpole would most likey take over the mind of the donor, replacing it with a new personality, while leaving the body physically unchanged.
:coolcthul Thank you, Professor Squlth!
:coolcthul And now, for our next question...on morality. Dragx?
What do you mean, evil? Humans try to kill us, so we kill them. Some get smart and worship us, so we kill them last. Other beholders mock us with their imperfections, so we tear them into quivering shreds of--
:coolcthul I believe what my esteemed colleague means is that morality is relative. What humans see as "evil," creatures unfettered by vulgar passions percieve as efficiency and the natural order of things. Humans call me "evil" for feasting on brains, yet think nothing of murdering a cow and consuming its flesh. The aberrations, with our typically superior intellectual capabilities and radically different worldview, simply do not follow the cookie-cutter humanist view of "good" and "evil." What is, is; and all too often, humans fail to recognize their own inferiority.
Yeah! Humans are inferior! Bleargh!
What are your thoughts on
-undead in general
-undead humanoids
-doomspheres (beholder ghosts)
-alhoons
:coolcthul Interesting questions...as for me, I consider undead to be blasphemous abominations that should not exist. Vile, mindless creatures!
You just don't like them because you can't control them.
:coolcthul Perhaps...but how do you feel abut them, Dragx?
Pretty worthless...they taste terrible, and make lousy cultists. They disintegrate well, though.
:coolcthul As for undead humanoids...well, if you have to have undead, why waste all those brains? Nothing is more insulting to a mind flayer than realizing that he's in competition with a pack of zombies!
Humanoid...animaloid...plantoid...whatever.
:coolcthul Still, I suppose the humanoid form is perhaps the most efficient for the aspiring necromancer.
Next question!
:coolcthul Ah yes...doomspeheres, or the so-called "beholder ghosts."
BLEARRGH! (incoherent snarling and slobbering)
:coolcthul It appears that my esteemed colleague is not enamoured of the doomspheres.
Blasphemous abominations! They mock the Great Mother! They're not even alive! Destroy them!
:coolcthul I must confess a similar sentiment regarding alhoons...or "illithiliches," I believe they are sometimes called. They are undead, and they are powered by arcane magic...something my people find to be unnatural, compared to the comfortable purity of psionics.
Thiloq and Dragx: What's your idea of a really good first date?
I have a few questions for you!

Which Aberrations do you identify the most with?
Which, if any, disgust you?

Thiloq, do Illithids keep Illithidae as pets?

Draqx, is it true the Great Mother had to do unpleasant things to make ends meet in the beginning?

Do Elder Brains get Headaches? And if they do what do you give them to alleviate the pain?

Thanks!
:coolcthul A good first date for me starts with a good meal...perhaps some nice, fresh elf brains. I find that elf brains have the light, clean flavor that keeps me alert. Some in-depth telepathy, to really get to know each other. Perhaps a couple hours at the slave pits, soaking up emotions. If we really hit it off, maybe going back to my place and...you know...perfoming psionic experiments on slaves together. Oh dear; I'm blushing.
Appearances are everything. If she doesn't look good...if she doesn't look just like me... I'll have to tear her apart.
:coolcthul And if she does?
Then maybe I'll get lucky enough to implant my eggs in her before she does it to me. Let my glorious offspring consume her still-living flesh!
:coolcthul I admit to a certain respect for aboleths. They appreciate the powers of the mind, and while they lack Elder Brains, they do the best they can.
All are weak and pathetic! All...all right, delvers are not so bad. Easy to train. And gauths...are less hideous than most blasphemous abominations.
:coolcthul Well-put. I personally cannot stand gibbering mouthers. All that endless, insane babbling...it's enough to ruin anyone's concentration.
All of the so-called "beholderkin" are hideous, vile and disgusting! Lashers are especially horrible!
:coolcthul We do not keep "pets" in the sense of companion creatures, but yes, we find the illithidae to be useful servants, and less unnerving than the poor, tentacle-less humanoids we must often put up with. Gricks are also favored.
"Unpleasant things?" What do you mean, puny dfarnsworth? The Great Mother is supreme! She was cheated by the jealous lesser gods of all other creatures!
:coolcthul Elder--
Cheated!
:coolcthul Ahem! Elder Brains rarely get headaches, but I understand that excessive use of their more potent powers sometimes causes a sense of "strain." This rarely occurs, for an Elder Brain is a match for nearly anything. When it does, we add a soothing mucus to the Elder Brain's pool, made from the distilled essence of the brains of psionically-active humanoids. It's also quite good on toast.
Thiloq, what is your opinion on pseudonatural creatures, Half-Farspawns and Alienists?
What? Don't you care about Dragx's opinion?!
:coolcthul Pseudonatural creatures are...comforting to me. I find a disturbing lack of tentacles in most of the animal life.
Half-farspawn are somewhat admirable, somewhat unnerving. While it is laudable for a lesser being such as a humand to seek to improve itself, and while the air of majesty these creatures possess is undeniable, there is still the uneasy sense of two unrelated creatures melded into one whole.
Alienists are humanoids who have become aware of realities beyond their own. I admire them in much the same way you might admire a fish that understands the concept of a fishtank, and that a world exists beyond it. However, for the most part, their minds are too frail for true greatness.
Dragx does not care about your opinion either, puny xXOblivionXx! Bleargh!
Do you believe in the Adversary?
What are your veiws on Ethergaunts?
I heard a rummor that the master plan of the ilithids is to destroy the sun.
Is this true, and if not, what is the master plan as far as you can tell?
What do you think of mindwitnesses?
:coolcthul "The Adversary"? Are you referring to the illithid myth of a mind flayer consumed by the partial personality of the donor whose body he wore? Superstitious hogwash.
Ethergaunts...too bony, and taste bad, too.
:coolcthul The ethergaunts are perhaps the only creatures equal to my own race, and the second-worst threat we face (after those rebellious gith). They have the colossal gall to consider the multiverse "theirs," when all intelligent species know it belonged to the Illithid Empire for eons before the ethergaunts ever arrived. I am not usually a proponent of violence by humans upon aberrations, but for the ethergaunts I'll make an exception.
What about the sun? What have you guys got against the sun?
:coolcthul The project to return the world to a state of pleasant darkness and coolness exists, but it is very long-range. You will undoubtedly be dead before it comes to fruition, so I advise all of you humanoids to ignore it completely. It is, however, just one of several grand ideas. Each city and each Elder Brain has its own plans, you know.
Like what?
:coolcthul Oh, there are several...flooding the surface world...re-establishing our ancient empire...exterminating the gith...perfecting dragon cerebremorphosis...the usual things.
Good luck with that.
:coolcthul And as for mindwitnesses--
Blearrgh!! Freaks! Abominations! (incoherent raving)
:coolcthul The mindwitness is an example of...excessive zeal. While I applaud the concept--cerebremorphosis with a subject superior to a mere humanoid--the problems should have been obvious from the start. Really, mindwitnesses are simply too...outre for my taste, though I'm told there are cities that employ them.
*A bronze dragon enters, munching on drow heads.*

I have a question- If the mindflayers are so strong, why haven't they conquered the underdark? And what makes you think you can conquer the multiverse? We dragons have been keeping it under control for millenia. As I recal, in one dimension abberations are locked up by none other than half orc druids.
Do celestial brains and fiendish brains taste different from normal humanoid brains?

What do illithid brains taste like?

What do beholder brains taste like?

Do krakens give mindflayers tentacle envy?
I am White/Black
I am White/Black
Take The Magic Dual Colour Test - Beta today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.
I'm both orderly and selfish. I act mostly for my own benefit, but I respect and help my community - Specially when it helps me. At best, I'm loyal and dedicated; at worst, I'm elitist and shrewd.
 The Best in Gaming!
:coolcthul Great questions, all. Dragx, why don't you field that first one?
The Great Mother...she is the essence of beauty. Your puny mortal minds would explode from viewing her magnificence. She is round, with a single, perfect eye, ten glorious eyestalks, and long, sharp, lovely teeth. She looks just like me.
:coolcthul Erm...yes. Well, while it's true that we don't mate in the way you mammals do, we raise our beloved tadpoles in great, mucousy pools. When the time is right, a tadpole is implanted in the ear of a lucky humanoid. Some parents get a trifle...experimental...but they only want the best for their offspring.

A boy in clothing that seems like rags and a younger boy enter. The younger seeming boy did not seem childish despite having the appearance of a child.
"I doubt you care but I am Simul Orbus and my associate here is. Well why don't you tell them," Simul said.
"I am Tyyymaaatthaaaarrriiaall but if you two can not correctly pronounce my name then just use Tim," Tim said.
"Tim claims to be an aboleth under the effect of a mindswap or whatever its called," Simul said.
"You forgot to mention that god placing a curse on my body shrinking it. Look..,' Tim said. Tim takes what appears to be a miniture duplicate of an aboleth out of his pocket.
"So that's why your traveling with me so which god?" Simul asked.
"I didn't pay attention to its name but other than humans most of its worshipers were gith," Tim said, " I think you should start asking your questions now."

"Well the introductions are our of the way. I do not appear as such because I hide my true form. I am mostly human but I have the blood of a devil, a demon, and a solar. I am still hoping to find a way to get the solar blood removed but thats not important. Now then my first four questions are for Thiloq. Does ceremorphosis work on outsiders? If so can I donate some some of my celestial relatives that I have been hunting down? If so how? The spell raise dead requires the dead body of the person being returned to life of part of it. What would happen if someone was able to render a newborn illithid helpless long enough to cast a raise dead spell on the humaniod used in ceremorphosis while still in the limits for ressurection presented by the spell?" Simul said.

"Now for Dragx. When you say explode do you mean the kind that would happen if I steped out of one of the safe zones in the positive energy plane during a soul harvesting operation type of explosion or do you mean blood bursting out of the head tearing the brain from the spinal cord and shattering the skull or is it some other kind of explosion? Also if the Great Mother looks just like you and our heads would explode from viewing her why is no ones head exploding?" Simul asked.


What are their goals?
:coolcthul Ah, yes. Well, I would assume their goals are similar to those or all rational creatures: food, shelter, offspring, and world domination. Would you agree, Dragx?
Those are my goals.

"Simul's goals are to destroy all nobility on his home world, slaughter the gods, make sure a race of good alligned (homebrewed) beings from the far realm that believe that we are there dead can't invade the world for the thirteenth time, and set up trade between his world and the Far Realm. Does that make his goals irrational?" Tim asked, "Oh and your forgetting not dying thats a big one I mean death is failure."


:coolcthul Quiet! If you must know, the origins of my race are shrouded in mystery, even to us. The elder brains undoubtedly know, but I can only speculate. One theory holds that our ancestors were a form of warm-blooded, tentacled marine amphibian that experiences an apotheosis when they first consumed the brain of a humanoid. Another holds that we are descended from a renegade band of elans who pushed their psionic experiements to their utmost limit. I myself favor a simpler theory...we are extraplanar in origin, hailing from the Far Realm. There, we are as humans are in this, lesser world: the dominant species.

"About the Far Realm theory for illithid orgin. Isn't there also the rumor that the illithid are the remains of an empire in the far future that projected its self back in time. If so would it be theoredically possible that the original illithid do not even exist yet? If so Thiloq, what do you think would be the reaction if the time travel theory was true and the current illithid noticed new illithid developing?" Simul said.


:coolcthul And now, for our next question...on morality. Dragx?
What do you mean, evil? Humans try to kill us, so we kill them. Some get smart and worship us, so we kill them last. Other beholders mock us with their imperfections, so we tear them into quivering shreds of--
:coolcthul I believe what my esteemed colleague means is that morality is relative. What humans see as "evil," creatures unfettered by vulgar passions percieve as efficiency and the natural order of things. Humans call me "evil" for feasting on brains, yet think nothing of murdering a cow and consuming its flesh. The aberrations, with our typically superior intellectual capabilities and radically different worldview, simply do not follow the cookie-cutter humanist view of "good" and "evil." What is, is; and all too often, humans fail to recognize their own inferiority.
Yeah! Humans are inferior! Bleargh!

" Dragx, you mentioned that beholders are sometimes worshiped. Since it would be annoying to have to hunt down every beholder is it ok if I just catagorize your species as lesser demon lords? Also as for humans being inferior they are not on my world," Simul said.
"Simul use past tense they were not," Tim said.
"Before the gods cursed us for not hiding when those good alligned beings from the far realm invaded humans on my home world were immortal unless killed, never physically aged past adult hood unless they chose to, could choose to become physically younger,and did not need to eat, drink, or sleep," Simul said.
"I remember that we were considering opening up trade to your species so that we could hire them to monitor the surface of our world and then the gods decide to screw up everything," Tim said, "Still that brings up an intereseting point the original species might have not even been human."

:coolcthul I must confess a similar sentiment regarding alhoons...or "illithiliches," I believe they are sometimes called. They are undead, and they are powered by arcane magic...something my people find to be unnatural, compared to the comfortable purity of psionics.

"While I did become a self taught wizard after stealing a few spell books I have been considering psionics since they can do some of the things that normally require annoying rituals to become undead and from that I heard some effects are similar to divine magic. What psionics class would you recommend entering if one were a multiclassed rogue/wizard?" Simul asked, " More importantly which class would be the most helpful in my goal of destroying all nobility and the gods?"
"You know illithid have gods also," Tim said.
"You point is?" Simul asked.
"You asking him to help with your plot to destroy the gods when he likely has a god," Tim said.
"The aboleth have gods and you don't seem to have a problem with it," Simul said.
"The Elder Evils really aren't that important," Tim said.

:coolcthul I admit to a certain respect for aboleths. They appreciate the powers of the mind, and while they lack Elder Brains, they do the best they can.

"You illithid did always have quite the case of hubris. Why would we need Elder Brains when we are born with the memories of all of our ancestors and gain the memories of those we devour?" Tim said.
"Better question if they have memories of tens of billions of years of history why is there average intelligence only 15? So should I just leave the fracture in the fourth wall or do you two want it fixed?" Simul said.

:coolcthul The ethergaunts are perhaps the only creatures equal to my own race, and the second-worst threat we face (after those rebellious gith). They have the colossal gall to consider the multiverse "theirs," when all intelligent species know it belonged to the Illithid Empire for eons before the ethergaunts ever arrived. I am not usually a proponent of violence by humans upon aberrations, but for the ethergaunts I'll make an exception.
What about the sun? What have you guys got against the sun?
:coolcthul The project to return the world to a state of pleasant darkness and coolness exists, but it is very long-range. You will undoubtedly be dead before it comes to fruition, so I advise all of you humanoids to ignore it completely. It is, however, just one of several grand ideas. Each city and each Elder Brain has its own plans, you know.
Like what?
:coolcthul Oh, there are several...flooding the surface world...re-establishing our ancient empire...exterminating the gith...perfecting dragon cerebremorphosis...the usual things.
Good luck with that.

"On a world called dirt, well actually its called Earth but I prefer calling it dirt, they discovered that with out sunlight plants would die causing the whole worlds environment to basically die. Do the illithid have a plan to counter this side effect? If not have you ever considered simply modifying the sun to give off a different kind of light or just moving the world further away from the sun so that its in a comfortable zone while still being able to support life?" Simul asked

"No thats completely wrong the multiverse belongs to the aboleth we were here first but you illithid can use the surfaces of the worlds we don't have much use for them," Tim said.

"Tim, we don't even know if our world has illithid," Simul said.
"You already know there are multiple primes I mean dirt doesn't have aboleth that doesn't mean we don't own it," Tim said.
"I always wondered about that," Simul said.
"It's like that room that you store all your junk in but don't want to enter," Tim said.
"So dirts your basement," Simul said.
"Correct," Tim said.


*A bronze dragon enters, munching on drow heads.*

I have a question- If the mindflayers are so strong, why haven't they conquered the underdark? And what makes you think you can conquer the multiverse? We dragons have been keeping it under control for millenia. As I recal, in one dimension abberations are locked up by none other than half orc druids.

"Oh please all you dragons do are fight ammoung yourselves, sleep on piles of gold. and get killed by dragon slayers," Tim said.
"I don't know much about half orcs but I have seen druids summon the elemental lords and rain fire down from the sky to burn whole empires. I have also seen druids cause lightning storms that bloted out the sun so that for the duration of the spell the only light came from the lightning," Simul said.

"Also to add to my point a few days ago I sold his baby pictures to one of Io's cultists. Here are the negatives," Tim siad. Tim takes out the negatives.
"Since when did our world have cameras?" Simul asked.
"For a while I am actually suprised you surface dwellers didn't invent them for yourselves yet," Tim said.
Do beholders have trouble with depth perception?
Do abberation enjoy hugs?
Do either of you watch the AHSN?
What are your favorite colors?
Do you have any secrets that you never have revealed? If so, can you tell us?

"Oh please all you dragons do is fight among yourselves, sleep on piles of gold. and get killed by dragon slayers," Tim said.

A tiny azure dragon pops into existence next to Tim.
"Dragon slayers are a myth, what kind of idiot would believe a single human could take on a dragon."
He smirks.
"I doubt you've met a lot of dragons if you think that's all we do, we often have plots equally or more elaborate as the mighty Aboleths."

He turns to the two abberations.
"So how is Dragon cerebremorphosis getting along then? and what do the noble beholders think about dragons (other then that we're ugly abominations obviously.)"
Whoops DP, sorry bout that.
You ignore my question only to answer the one about morals? You claim to not be evil, then you're off my guest list! And you're on the "Do-Not-Call" list. What of the tadpole in a beholder? Does such a creature already exist?

Do mind flayers play any instruments? Probably only stringed ones. I find it hard to imagine them playing a whistle or flute. Beholders have no hands or imagination so they can't play instruments.

Thanks for your time, guys! I look forward to killing you both SOON!
"Oh please all you dragons do are fight ammoung yourselves, sleep on piles of gold. and get killed by dragon slayers," Tim said.
"I don't know much about half orcs but I have seen druids summon the elemental lords and rain fire down from the sky to burn whole empires. I have also seen druids cause lightning storms that bloted out the sun so that for the duration of the spell the only light came from the lightning," Simul said.

"Also to add to my point a few days ago I sold his baby pictures to one of Io's cultists. Here are the negatives," Tim siad. Tim takes out the negatives.
"Since when did our world have cameras?" Simul asked.
"For a while I am actually suprised you surface dwellers didn't invent them for yourselves yet," Tim said.

A lightning bolt shoots out from across the room, striking the ground in front of Simul and Tim. Quiet snack food and junk food. No one asked for your input.
:coolcthul Whoo, lots of good questions here. Lets see what we can do.
Turalisj, I am ashamed to say the answer is overconfidence. We ruled the multiverse once, and grew unwary, and so the gith rebelled. We are still recovering from that attack, and many creatures have grown strong in the vaccuum we left.
Nice work.
:coolcthul Quiet, you. Beholders have no empires. As for dragons, I am not aware of any plane-spanning, intergalactic dragon empires.
Ooh, burn!
:coolcthul As for Xoriat...well, sad to say we illithids are not in charge of that fiaso. Rest assured that if we were, matters would be considerably different. As lieutenants, there is only so much that can be done.
Next!
:coolcthul Johnny_Angel, celestial and fiendish brains are quite distinct. Fiendish brains are a strange mixture of salty and spicy, almost like a pickled chili pepper. Celestial brains are much smoother and more complex in flavor, and almost sweet--but not too sweet. And I must say, I find your second question highly offensive. We are not cannibals!
(they taste like calamari)
:coolcthul What?
Nothing!
:coolcthul As for beholder brains...that's a delicay I've never tried...
What about krakens? Answer! Now!
:coolcthul Krakens are to be respected, but envy? How could one perform any delicate manipulations with those great, crushing arms? I hesitate to even refer to them as "tentacles."
(snicker)
:coolcthul Moving along...well, we have a number of questions from Tim and Simul...quite a few questions, acutally
Too many questions!
:coolcthul You shouldn't have signed up for this if you didn't want to answer questions.
Bleargh!
:coolcthul It looks like we'll need another post to answer all of these...
:coolcthul Simul, cerebremorphosis does, in fact, work on outsiders. Unfortunately, results have been...iffy...so far. It seems that both celestials and fiends are violently resistant to the procedure, and the cerebremophosized celestials in particular are just...disturbing.
Tasty, though.
:coolcthul I would be glad to accept any of your celestial relatives for cerebremorphosis purposes. Just make sure they're incapacitated and send them to my home of Osiol'liq, in the Caverns of Evernight, under the world of Aldorthe. I'll even pay postage for anything over a CR 5.
As for raising the dead...until the brain is totally consumed, the subject isn't technically dead. Actually, it's never technically "dead," since the evolving tadpole maintains the body's life-systems while 'morphosis is taking place.
And if it worked, wouldn't that kill the tadpole? Baby-killer.
Your feeble mind could not comprehend the glory of the Great Mother. I haven't actually seen it happen, but I suspect every cell in your brain would rupture, and it would leak out your ears. So, maybe not literally explode...unless the Great Mother wanted it to.
:coolcthul In which case...?
It would be the second. The skull-shattering thing.
:coolcthul Ah. And what about your looks?
She is a goddess, puny mortal! I am just a handsome, sexy beholder! I am made in her image, but I am not a god...yet.
:coolcthul Regarding Simul's goals, I would say the only irrational part is assuming that my brethren from the Far Realm will not ultimately conquer you all and break you down to the level of slaves.
What about the death thing?
:coolcthul Obviously, you can't pursue any goals if you're dead. Undead are an exception, but not dying is petty much the top priority.
What about your time-travelling history...future? Fu-tory?
:coolcthul The origin you speak of is, indeed, a possibility. If it's true, it's entirely likely that my ancestors have not yet evolved. Of course, a variant of that theory holds that we, the current illitihids, are the ancestors of the far-future illithids...who are our ancestors.
My brain hurts.
:coolcthul And if that is not the case, and my people recognize the proto-illithids developing...well, the result is a foregone conclusion. We will help them...us?...to our rightful position of dominance. After all, we're here now, aren't we? So, obviously, we did the right thing.
We beholders are not demons! We are not gods (yet)! We are beholders! And if you try to harm the Great Mother, she will dissolve you into writhing fragments of--
:coolcthul We'll take a quick break while Dragx has a moment to himself.
A tiny azure dragon pops into existence next to Tim.
"Dragon slayers are a myth, what kind of idiot would believe a single human could take on a dragon."
He smirks.
"I doubt you've met a lot of dragons if you think that's all we do, we often have plots equally or more elaborate as the mighty Aboleths."

He turns to the two abberations.
"So how is Dragon cerebremorphosis getting along then? and what do the noble beholders think about dragons (other then that we're ugly abominations obviously.)"

"Your entire pantheon is at war with its self on every world I have been to. Besides its very easy for a human to kill two dragons he just has to find a good alligned dragon and and evil alligned dragon in the same age category. After there finished fighting he sneaks up behind the winner and chops its head off. Besides who said anything about humans and who said there was only one of them. It could be two people and a catapult," Tim said.

"As for plots I don't generally bother with them I mean really most surface dwellers are less intelligent than cats. I normally just eat the smarter ones to gain access to their memories. Or at least I did until this happend," Tim said. Showing the shurken aboleth body.

A lightning bolt shoots out from across the room, striking the ground in front of Simul and Tim. Quiet snack food and junk food. No one asked for your input.

Four exploding spheres spring from Simuls hands and strike the ground infront of the dragon.
"I don't get it why did you waste a meteor swarm spell?" Tim said.
"Simple if he annoys me again like you annoyed him I can use a wish spell to change history so that they hit him instead of the floor," Simul said.



"Ok one more question what is Xoriat?" Simul asked.
:coolcthul Simul, the "humans" of your world don't sound like any humans I've ever heard of. Let me simply suggest this: compare the average human to the average mind flayer.
Grrr...
:coolcthul ...or the average beholder. It's fairly obvious which is superior.
Here's a hint: it's not the humans.
:coolcthul Yes, psionics are clearly superior to the messy mechanics of arcane magic. I would suggest psion, specializing in psychoportation. As a rogue, you doubtless know the value of maneuverability, and as a wizard, you know the value of escaping from a tight situation.
What if he kills your god?
:coolcthul I'm quite confident Ilsensine can handle himself. And as for the relative merits of Elder Brains and aboleth ancients, let's be reasonable. An individual aboleth's mind is impressive, but once it's dead, that's it. Your racial memory inevitably fragments. Whereas Elder Brains are nearly impossible to kill, and absorb the knowledge of every illithid who joins them in glorious union.
Hoo, boy. What about that Int thing?
:coolcthul Well, since you fellows broke the fourth wall to begin with, I'll just point out the average Int of an Elder Brain: 28.
What about that sun thing? I knew that was a dumb idea!
:coolcthul Well, there are a number of options. The first is, as you pointed out, Simul, we could simply alter the radiation thrown off by the sun. This would make it much dimmer, and so the average sentient thinks of it as "putting out the sun." However, as Tim abiut the Underdark. he can explain that there's an entire, vast ecosystem down there supported by geothermal heat, and able to support everything from huge drow cities to albino wyrms.
And sirvnelb--Svirfnleb--those bald gnomes.
:coolcthul And I must respectfull disagree with Tim here--illithids own the multiverse, although we may allow you to use the subterranean lakes and seas.
What about this Dirt place?
:coolcthul I've heard of it...I believe the illithid city there was performing some very, very bizarre experiments involving gigantism. A fascinating place; called R'lyeh...
Booooring.
:coolcthul Thanks for all the great questions, Tim and Simul. And now, lets take some other calls...
Soooo Dragx. You wanted a few questions right? Heres one or two... Three... Ok so lets say a god- no not a god but pun-pun. What if pun-pun were to kill your deity? Before you go violent and try to blast my arm off what would you do? Second question Dragx what would you do if you had one wish? Lastly what is your favourite type of humanoid to eat?
:coolcthul People, please! Let's stay civil here! What are we, dwarves?
Blearrgh!
:coolcthul Thank you, Dragx. And now, some questions from...Secrets Untold. Ahem...are you the book, or the githzerai? Because I have to admit, I have a bit of a problem with githzerai...
Get to the questions! No, puny book-gith, beholders have wonderful depth perception! We can seen from eleven different points!
:coolcthul As to hugs...gibbering mouthers seem to enjoy hugging other creatures...if you can call it that.
And grell.
:coolcthul But personally, I don't see the point. And Dragx here doesn't have any arms.
Try it and I'll disintegrate your face.
:coolcthul Fair enough. Yes, I personally love the AHSN. Where do you think I got these nifty Lennon glasses?
Waste of money.
:coolcthul (they didn't have any in his size) My favorite color? Olive green. What about you, Dragx?
...(pink)...
:coolcthul What was that?
Secrets! Yes, secrets...well, I plan to horribly murder all beholders which do not share my asthetic appearance. Is that a secret?
:coolcthul I once threw away a dwarf brain a friend gave me for Brainsmas. Sorry, Thqurl! I'm allergic!
And now, the little blue lizard...dragon, I mean.
:coolcthul Cerebrodracomorphosis is progressing nicely. We've established one strain, the brainstealer dragon, which is very effective, if a but independant. My personal favorite is the chthonian dragon, but that's from a 3rd party publisher.
So much for the fourth wall.
:coolcthul Next, we have a return visit by Draginja...
:coolcthul Draginja, if you'll check, you'll see that we answered your question on flayer-on-flayer cerebremorphisis. We even called in the famous Professor Squlth!
Yeah, so go stick a--
:coolcthul The cerebremophosized beholder exists; it's called a mindwitness--
Blearrgh!
:coolcthul--and it's in Underdark. As I said, they're a bit esoteric for me, but some cities seem to like them.
Beholders have telekinesis, puny Draginja! We can play music!
:coolcthul And do you?
...Blearrgh!
:coolcthul I see. Personally, I find music to be rather pointless, suitable only for stirring the base passions of lesser species. I have a friends, howerver, who is very skilled with the hands-free flute. It has a mouthpiece designed to fit our beaklike mouths...although I tend to think of "beaks" as being "mouthlike."
You want to kill, puny Draginja? Any time! Bring it on!
:coolcthul And another question from Simul...Xoriat, or "The Plane of Madness," is the home plane of most aberrations in the world of Eberron. The gates to Xoriat were locked long ago by the orcish Gatekeeper druids. It is a sad passage in our history.
Puny jackalslang21! Nothing--not even Pun-Pun--could harm the Great Mother! And if something did, it would be torn into bleeding shreds as every beholder--and even all the hideous beholderkin--converged on that spot and took their frightful vengance! Blood! Entrails! Innards!
:coolcthul Calm down...don't make me mind blast you. You've got more questions coming.
If I had a wish...I would wish for world peace. The peace of a world ruled by me, second only to the Great Mother, and cared for by my army of identical clones. Short-lived identical clones. Without attitude problems.
:coolcthul And your favorite type of humanoid?
I like halflings. Bite-sized.
:coolcthul I see...and it looks like we missed a question from Doom_Linnorm. Dragx?
Dragons are powerful. We don't mess with them unless we have to. They're some of the few creatures almost equal to a beholder...although not nearly as good-looking.
Hoo, boy. What about that Int thing?
:coolcthul Well, since you fellows broke the fourth wall to begin with, I'll just point out the average Int of an Elder Brain: 28.

Hey, I happen to have an intelligence of 43. Of course, I'm a powerful shaper and have ascended ((see my siggy for ectopic ascendant)) past mortality.
And Tim? You do realize that a wish spell cannot rewrite history. Only someone as powerful as a god can rewrite history. And even then, there are paradoxes and temporal anomalies to take into account.
Hello, just call me Night, my real name is not important. On the subject of...removing the sun, could you go more in depth on these plans. I do not share the exact same aims as your race but the sun is a problem. I have considered many more......permanent ways having to do with powerful arcane and divine magics. With the aid of our god and sorcerors I belive you may be able to remove our mutual enemy. In return for this aid I would......remove the githzeri and githanki from your hair, er, hands. Trust me. So would you apreciate my help. I await your response and answer. Your answer mindflayer. If you interfear "beholder" infendel I will remove you. Do you understand me

*Throws a pile of Githzeri heads on the ground an disapears into the night
:coolcthul I would be glad to accept any of your celestial relatives for cerebremorphosis purposes. Just make sure they're incapacitated and send them to my home of Osiol'liq, in the Caverns of Evernight, under the world of Aldorthe. I'll even pay postage for anything over a CR 5.
As for raising the dead...until the brain is totally consumed, the subject isn't technically dead. Actually, it's never technically "dead," since the evolving tadpole maintains the body's life-systems while 'morphosis is taking place.
And if it worked, wouldn't that kill the tadpole? Baby-killer.
:coolcthul Regarding Simul's goals, I would say the only irrational part is assuming that my brethren from the Far Realm will not ultimately conquer you all and break you down to the level of slaves.

"I'm not a cleric so I can't raise the dead. Oh and thanks I don't want them reviving themselves. As for irrational thats only the good ones that I plan on stoping from entering. I am quite certain my plan to set up trade with the other ones will work just as well as my soul harvesting operations. Which are infact responsible for the increase in people on dirt being classified as emo and keeping three gods of b rated movies from eventually evolving ," Simul said
"You don't consider that a problem. The emo part not the b rated movie part," Tim said.
"Not really one of my previous experiment caused a monkey to be placed in charge of a place thats name start with either a u or an a. Now that was a big mistake," Simul said.

:coolcthul Simul, the "humans" of your world don't sound like any humans I've ever heard of. Let me simply suggest this: compare the average human to the average mind flayer.
Grrr...
:coolcthul ...or the average beholder. It's fairly obvious which is superior.
Here's a hint: it's not the humans.
:coolcthul Yes, psionics are clearly superior to the messy mechanics of arcane magic. I would suggest psion, specializing in psychoportation. As a rogue, you doubtless know the value of maneuverability, and as a wizard, you know the value of escaping from a tight situation.
What if he kills your god?
:coolcthul I'm quite confident Ilsensine can handle himself. And as for the relative merits of Elder Brains and aboleth ancients, let's be reasonable. An individual aboleth's mind is impressive, but once it's dead, that's it. Your racial memory inevitably fragments. Whereas Elder Brains are nearly impossible to kill, and absorb the knowledge of every illithid who joins them in glorious union.
Hoo, boy. What about that Int thing?
:coolcthul Well, since you fellows broke the fourth wall to begin with, I'll just point out the average Int of an Elder Brain: 28.
What about that sun thing? I knew that was a dumb idea!
:coolcthul Well, there are a number of options. The first is, as you pointed out, Simul, we could simply alter the radiation thrown off by the sun. This would make it much dimmer, and so the average sentient thinks of it as "putting out the sun." However, as Tim abiut the Underdark. he can explain that there's an entire, vast ecosystem down there supported by geothermal heat, and able to support everything from huge drow cities to albino wyrms.
And sirvnelb--Svirfnleb--those bald gnomes.
:coolcthul And I must respectfull disagree with Tim here--illithids own the multiverse, although we may allow you to use the subterranean lakes and seas.
What about this Dirt place?
:coolcthul I've heard of it...I believe the illithid city there was performing some very, very bizarre experiments involving gigantism. A fascinating place; called R'lyeh...
Booooring.
:coolcthul Thanks for all the great questions, Tim and Simul. And now, lets take some other calls...

"Actually I just checked Ilsensine is neurtal and I plan on ignoring those dieties," Simul said, " Although the Great Mother is on the list of dieties to exterminate. Allthough since she lives in the Abyss I am thinking about just leaving her for the pureblood devils to deal with it will save me some time."

"If you want to go into conspiracy theories the multiverse universe is actually owned by someone with exterme apathy that will drop you in a maze or flay you if you try to worship her," Tim said

" R'yleh isn't that the place where you can walk on a flat surface and find yourself falling off of one of the walls and landing on the ceiling? Also if Cthulu is an illithid does that mean the his dead but dreaming thing means that he starved to death?" Simul asked, "Oh and whats your opinion on the talkshow he apparently started?"

Hey, I happen to have an intelligence of 43. Of course, I'm a powerful shaper and have ascended ((see my siggy for ectopic ascendant)) past mortality.
And Tim? You do realize that a wish spell cannot rewrite history. Only someone as powerful as a god can rewrite history. And even then, there are paradoxes and temporal anomalies to take into account.

"That was Simul," Tim said.
"I would imagine that a carefully worded wish spell could reverse time allowing me to change my mind. Besides that was actually an illusion spell anyway I also casted disintigrate but I applied the metamagic feat that delays it. I would say it should hit you in about three minutes," Simul said, " Give or take two."
Most texts on the subject classify the things that humanoids call "Aberations" as having a "bizare anatomy, strange abilities, and/or an alien mindset". But that's really not a clearcut definition. I mean, oozes have "bizare anatomies", and lots of creatures have mindsets that are quite alien to the standard humanoid mindset, even amoung the material creatures like dragons and magical beasts...

Is there one specific thing, or group of things, that really sets aberations apart from, say, monsterous humanoids or simply strange magical beasts?
Standing warily, an orc dressed in bright, shining armor sheathes his greataxe.
"My job is usually to slay you outright, but your offer to answer questions is too tempting to miss! K.B, paladin and righteous warrior, at your service. So to speak. Don't try anything funny, though! I know your tricks, and I'm immune to your mind... controlly puppety things!"


Dragx, if your eye rays could make a ray of any spells of your choice, what would they be? (Not counting the rays you already have, glorious though they are)

What's the worst type of brain to eat? Is it something with low intelligence, wisdom, charisma or a mixture of all three? How does someone's mental facilities impact on the taste of their brain?

How do you guys build your settlements/lairs? I'm assuming, by both your innate flight (and the illithid's at-will plane shifting) that they are mostly impassable by humans, who would find it difficult to traverse in three or more dimensions.

Finally, what's the elder sign look like? A Star or a Tree?
Think? Wispies not think!
:coolcthul Now, now. While their minds are somewhat...rudimentary by my peoples' standards, the average wisp has as much deductive power as the more advanced human. I am given to understand that a wisp's "brain," such as it is, is distrubuted equally throught its body, much like an ooze.

Unless I'm mistaken, whispies aren't immune to critical hits, so wouldn't this mean that their organ's aren't equaly distributed. Also aren't oozes mindless, lacking any brain at all?

And...ahh, what was the last question?
What are their goals?
:coolcthul Ah, yes. Well, I would assume their goals are similar to those or all rational creatures: food, shelter, offspring, and world domination. Would you agree, Dragx?
Those are my goals.

how exactly do they do any of those things?
Most texts on the subject classify the things that humanoids call "Aberations" as having a "bizare anatomy, strange abilities, and/or an alien mindset". But that's really not a clearcut definition. I mean, oozes have "bizare anatomies", and lots of creatures have mindsets that are quite alien to the standard humanoid mindset, even amoung the material creatures like dragons and magical beasts...

Is there one specific thing, or group of things, that really sets aberations apart from, say, monsterous humanoids or simply strange magical beasts?

Tentacles. Lots of tentacles.
"That was Simul," Tim said.
"I would imagine that a carefully worded wish spell could reverse time allowing me to change my mind. Besides that was actually an illusion spell anyway I also casted disintegrate but I applied the metamagic feat that delays it. I would say it should hit you in about three minutes," Simul said, " Give or take two."

Now that you mention it, there was an odd tingly feeling. But that might have been the purple worm I had for breakfast.
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