1001+ stupidest things your PC's (or you) have ever done

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Of course, I wanted to start a 1001 thread, and I have the perfect thing from my Eberron campaign to start this one off:

1.Harrow, a 6th level karnathi soulknife that was exploring Xendrix said "The Inspired can dere-lick my balls."
I swear to The Powers That Be. We were playing D&D late at night and discussing Zoolander, which I had recently seen, and he said that (one of the party's main enemies is an Inspired).
1st, I like your sig.
"3.5 is adequate" basically says it all to me.

and now...

2. My players decide that its a great idea to hide the final component to a world-ending ritual in a hole in the woods, rather than enter the dungeon and battle the antagonist. The moral: Don't go out of your way to **** off a dungeon full of bad guys that you could have fought room by room.
3. My 7th level Elf archer decided to put his bow arm into the mysterious liquid. I no longer had enough hands to use a bow.
www.youtube.com/user/TheBoj0 Watch me battle pogeymanz So according to all those online things, I'm an Artifact, lv 2 Zombie with stats of 3.14, googleplex, and purple, and my personality type is LMNO. Also, I am always the comic relief character of that stupid anime you like. That sounds pretty close...
4. Lure a Dragon into the air to fight him (and if i had cast freedom of movement on myself we would have won)
5) While in a flying city I had a character pull "The big Red switch" Even after reading the warning and breaking off the lock.

Edition wars kill players,Dungeons and Dragons needs every player it can get.

6) A PC walks into razor wire, gets back up and walks into it again... twice
7) Another player in the group had a Cleric to Pelor. As we searched the dungeon and found many (and I mean many) skeletons as normal dungeon dressing he would run up and scream "lookout undead" and beat the obviously not undead remains to dust. 10 or so skeletons later we ran into a ghost and when his first attack missed (due to the miss chance) he ran from the dungeon and back to town...the two days back to town. He even stated a number of times, I run back to town...even after the DM clearly stated that the rest of the group was not following...

That character (and player) where not around much longer after that...
8) The knight kept falling into the spike pit over and over, after talking OOC about a movie with a village idoit that fell into a spike pit.

9) Barfight + Fireplace + Dwarven Vodka = Big boom and 3 of the party at -9 hp.
Resident Piggles Zombie piggy is eatin' your sigs om nom nom (>*o*)>
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I was DMing a DnD version of Lord of the Rings back when Return of the King came out on dvd.

10. One of the players who had never read the books, thought that Tom Bombadill was Saruman, and attacked him.

Needless to say it didnt work out to well.
^
Resident Piggles Zombie piggy is eatin' your sigs om nom nom (>*o*)>
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1st, I like your sig.
"3.5 is adequate" basically says it all to me.

Thank you.

and now...

2. My players decide that its a great idea to hide the final component to a world-ending ritual in a hole in the woods, rather than enter the dungeon and battle the antagonist. The moral: Don't go out of your way to **** off a dungeon full of bad guys that you could have fought room by room.

Have any of your players moved to the Bay Area recently? And if so, could I get their numbers?
DM: there is carving on the wall depicting the face of a demon with an open mouth. The inner mouth is a sperical black surface. No light at all seems to emanate from it.

Player: I put my head into the mouth and try to see if is a passage to the other side of the wall....

DM: your headless body falls on the ground....

(It's at the beginning of Tomb of Horror..., where the Sphere of Annihilation is found)

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12.) I was DMing a homebrew adventure where the PCs had to help rescue people from a part of a city that a fire had just burned down.To introduce a new player character (a bard), I had them rescue him. I describe an elf hobbling out of the ruin with a lute on his back. One of the players, a Bugbear Barbarian, says: "Oh, he's got loot on his back? I shoot him!" One +1 Composite (+5 str) Longbow shot later, the bard is at -7.
I was playing a fighter in a high level game. We had entered a room with a summoning circle moments after an evil mage had finished the incantation to summon a demon lord. We killed the mage and hid his body and I was standing where the mage had been when the demon appeared. The demon turned to me and, thinking I was the person who had summoned him, asked "Who would you have me slay?"

I was thinking pretty quickly and came to the brilliant decision that we would let the demon lord kill the lich we knew owned the keep and who was our ultimate target. I could not remember the liches name, but I knew that the Knight who was accompanying our group, Sir Reynolds, did.

I spoke loudly and confidently to the demon, proclaiming "The name of the man I want you to kill is..." and, turning to the knight with the intention of asking the liches name, whispered "Sir Reynolds...."

The demon, who had excellent hearing, shouted triumphantly, "SIR REYNOLDS IT IS!!!!".

Oops. Brilliant plan, horrible follow through.
12.) I was DMing a homebrew adventure where the PCs had to help rescue people from a part of a city that a fire had just burned down.To introduce a new player character (a bard), I had them rescue him. I describe an elf hobbling out of the ruin with a lute on his back. One of the players, a Bugbear Barbarian, says: "Oh, he's got loot on his back? I shoot him!" One +1 Composite (+5 str) Longbow shot later, the bard is at -7.

HA.. This SO resembles a game I was in. We had just cleared a dungeon level, and we had gathered all of the treasure in the middle of the room and began to divvy it up. One of the items was a described as "A Magical Lute". Almost all of us players correctly reckoned it as a +1 magical instrument. Perhaps a Tier 2. Almost all.

As we were divvying up, everyone passed on the lute, everyone except..

Player 1 - I'll take the magical loot.
DM- Fine. You get the lute.
Player 1 - What is it.
DM- Magical Lute, +1
Player- What kind of loot?
DM- A magic one. +1
Player- I know it's magical. What KIND of loot?
DM- Just a normal lute. Except it grants a +1 bonus.

We are all laughing, except for the numbnut. He doesn't yet understand.

Player- Is it a weapon? some armor? cloak? What?
DM - A lute. L-U-T-E
Player-What? I don't want this! I thought you were givin me some loot! This isn't fair. Let's divvy up the treasure again!

I think it's still in the room, deep in a cavern somewhere.
^ I wish my players were this dumb.
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way back in 2e I ran the coolest campaign ever, a time travel campaign. Anyway, one of the characters was flying around in a flying space fighter jet kind of thing. For no apparent reason, he decides to fly right up to one of the other players and stop adjacent to him. He didn't make his "precise stop on a dime check" so the other player got his head cut off by the wing. Things like that didn't seem out of place in 2e, since first level wizards had multiple area of effect instant kill (no save) spells.
Let's leave the 10 HP fighter to take on two Kobold Dragonshields while the Warlord and Warlock go off to fight a slinger and four minions!
17)

Bloodied Dwarf fighter decides to burst open a door and attack whatever's inside while the rest of the party is outside fighting off many enemies. Dwarf fighter is dead in a round and his allies are forced to make a hasty retreat.
The sphere of annihilation in the Tomb of Horrors must have killed many a PC. I recall the group I was running decided to interpret the poem found on the ground a) too literally b) as if it was there to help them. They got to the end of the first corridor, didn't see any place else to go. Read something in the poem about avoiding green and the PC Barbarian leaps into the Green Demon Heads mouth, being extra careful not to touch anything green (rolling a natural 20 to do so) and poof, one less PC. And a good time was had by all...oh wait...that was just me. :D
OK. Another funny story from a different module. Castanamir's (sp?) Island. Inside is an illusion that, if you miss your save will cause you to faint (I think it was a roaring dragon or somesuch). One PC has gone inside and has fainted. PCs outside have figured out it is an illusion, but don't want to go in for fear of fainting. They use a length of chain to try and hook the unconscious PC and drag him out. Needless to say, a length of chain is not ideal for doing this and thus they have to make many, many attempts. They finally drag him out, revive him, but refuse to heal him and tell him that all the damage he thinks he has suffered is in his mind (even though he is clearly covered with many cuts, scrapes and welts (from them beating him with a chain!)). Next encounter he falls quickly and PCs are now out of healing. Encounter after that, the mage that was carrying him drops him while fleeing from a group of rats. Other PCs are nowhere nearby to help (the island had magical one way teleporting doorways that were connected in their own logic and other PCs ran a different way) so rats have lunch. One less PC and a good time was had by...oh never mind. :D
OK. 3 in a row by me. This time me as a player. Way back in 1E I was playing a halfling thief. We come into a room with some statue that has a *huge* gem for its central eye. Shooting out of this eye is a deadly laser beam that we have to make dex rolls to get under/over so we can continue on our way. I decide I want to steal the gem instead, so the GM makes me roll to hit to do this. I roll a natural 20 to pry the thing out. We were using some modified critical hit system and I manage to score a crit. I roll on the chart, completely randomly, and it says I hit them in the eyes, blinding them. What could be more perfect for me? GM decides the gem is destroyed by the power of the laser and that the crit is applied to me and the light has left me blind. ...sigh... And a good time was had by...er...him?
In a campaign I've come to think of as 'why do I ever give these guys magic items?'.

They decide to snap a magic wand in half to see what would happen.

They drink a potion designed to be mixed into the rivers of the kingdom to enchant the entire land. (Edit: They were fully aware of this fact)

They use an amulet of the planes to go off randomly wandering the planes to search for the perfect engagement ring so that the party rogue can propose to his girlfriend. While they're in the midst of fighting a war to save the kingdom.
Fighter with 18 strenght wearing full plate armor and backpack full of gold coins tells me he will run 15 feet than jump across a 25 foot wide 200 feet deep chasm...
-I ask are you shure you wan't to do this?
-Yes he says.
-Really?
-Yes I have 18 strenght I can make it.
-Okay, you run as fast as you can and plunge to your death. Roll a new character.

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Druid character is loaded with magical items but almost never uses them for fear of expending the last charge of the items. Only 2 PCs (including himself - the fighter is down to 2 hps) out of 6 players are left standing in a battle against mummies. All the players know he has a Rod that kills undead creatures almost on the spot. Someone screams use the F**** rod!
He replies : No I'm keeping it for life and death situations...

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We are a french speaking group of players. A long time ago D&D books were not available in french. Our english as gotten better over the years but we actually had a ranger character going around for a full year with an Ox as pet thinking it was a Hawk....

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An evil witch has just casted a Cloud Kill spell in the middle of the town square. I fully describe how everyone who is in the cloud dies a horrible death. Even a powerfull NPC knowned to the players dies. The Paladin players tells me: I run to the rescue of the dying people pulling as many as I can from the cloud. How many do I save?
Read my DD4E campaign blog
Ok Number 22?

OK, During a High Powered Adventure of my Hay day I was Dming (my first time doing so so I wasn't doing very well necessarily)

I decide that for a twist I wanted a Baby Dragon to Harrass my PC's who were traveling a few feet from a forest while still in the DESERT that streched for miles. So I extremely over estimated how effective my Pc's would be against said Dragon so I add libed.

Two more Baby Dragon's come from a nest nearby to aid there brother.. unfortunately the brother still died SAD DM!

Well PC's were still kicking ASS so Finally Mother Dragon Comes to the Rescue FINALLY PC's decide to run (which is what I wanted in the first place, pc's are having fun kicking dragon asses though so no harm done)

Well, Most PC's decide to run toward the Forrest and hide among the trees

But one PC decides to run to the Desert, where there's no cover, and miles and miles of sand in BRIGHT daylight...
In our 4E game last week, we had 3 potential encounters surrounding us. 2 were undead and 1 was the potential BBEG.

My character (being the wise ranger) said not to open both sets of doors (as one was sealed shut). Of course, 3/5ths of the party opened the door to the crypt and the paladin opened the door to the BBEG, opening 2 encounters at one time. Not quite a TPK, but we lost our mage (who was surrounded by the undead), almost lost our bard, rogue and fighter. I was down to just above "bloodied", and the paladin was fine.

A big WHOOPS!
I DM'd a game one time and described fully the steep, narrow slope the characters were climbing in the cave. Single file they climb until the lead fighter sees a Troll at the top of the slope. Struck with brilliance..."Ohhh...I know what kills trolls"..... he lights a pot of fire oil and throws it at the troll on the slope above the party. i had great pleasure describing how the coughing and singed party pulled themselves out of that smoking hole in the gound:evillaugh
24) I had a group of humorous players (which usually ends up in disaster), a few of which decided to be village idiots. One of them stood inside the smithy and saluted everyone who entered or exited the shop. Another kept trying to puke out of a closed window.
For my first campaign as I DM i had an barbain, theif and a mage in the group, they had gone off on their own and were exploring. They found a large podium in the middle of an empty room. The thief rolled a nat 20 and found a seris of rather devistating traps. He told the party this of course, however, the barbain, when he saw 4 kobolds, grabed the ring from the podium and RAN. He managed to set every single one of the traps off and nearly died.
26} The Orc Barbarian, in the middle of a Yuan-ti Pyramid, said "I hate these dumb snakes. I mean, their weak and useless." You can guess how that went.

27} The party was fighting a T-Rex in the guard chamber in the Yuan-ti Pyramid. There was a Cleric, a Barbarian, a wizard and a rogue. The rogue had just been swallowed whole by the T-Rex. The orc Barbarian was in the T-Rex's mouth. The wizard cast fireball at its head. The Cleric just managed to heal the orc Barbarian back from -8 hitpoints.

28} They were running from the T-Rex for iron double doors on the other side of the room. The orc Barbarian had 23 Strength, 19 Constitution and Intelligence 6. So far in the adventure he had ran through a house, threw a Yuan-ti threw a stone wall, and ripped a goblin in half. He ran threw every door in the Pyramid so far. None of them were wooden. The rogue had always rolled atleast once to check for traps, though. THe rogue was in the T-Rex's stomach, probably at -24 hit points by now. The Barbarian rushed towards the door headfirst. It was electrified. A quarter of his MANY hitpoints were gone. Then he rammed it two more times. He really wanted to get away from the T-Rex. But by the end of ramming the door down his was at six hitpoints. The player repeatadly going "dzapzizam" every minute or two,
vibrating.

29} So after the orc Barbarian charged the ELECTRIFIED door down, he ended up in a room with a Lizardfolk Druid. The orc Barbarian tried to run back out to get his two friends help, but said he jumped, so he slammed his head in the doorway, so it caved in. He was stuck it the room.
On the other side of the cave in, the wizard and cleric had an idea-shoot a fireball at the rocks to make them explode. But they didn't want to go backwards-that would put them near the T-Rex. So they almost killed themselves while blowing away at the rocks.
Meanwhile, the Lizardfolk Druid knocked the Barbarian over, entangled him and cast a posion cloud around him. When the two other entered the room, he was at five hitpoints. The Cleric and the Wizard were arguing over what they should do while the orc was dying. Then the wizard said "I toss my dagger at him" and he rolled a three. The dagger became embedded in the orc's back. He began to die much faster. Then the Cleric healed his wound from the knife, and the Cleric and wizard left him there to go fight the Lizardfolk. The orc died.
30} Trusting our elven gide, Eiffel. And turning my back on him so that he could shoot me (Party leader) with magic arrows, because I famously, had a ring of protection against normal missles.

31} Launching a bezerker enraged kilted Scottsman, in a catapult, with a Lance. At a Black Dragon. It worked, actually. Funny.........but Stupid.

32} The parties Eleven Bladesinger, uttering the words " I'm Goin to touch it". In reference to a magic orb, used by druids to "fertilize" ACRE'S of land at a time.
33} The dwarf fighter (who is on the second story of the inn) sees the bad guy running down the road.
Dwarf, "I jump out of the window"
and i kid you not the man rolls 3 1's in a row. Best player death ever.

34} I give the players a genie in a bottle. Genie comes out and says , "For freeing me I'll give you one wish."

The paranoid rule lawyer, "Ok guys whatever you do don't say 'I wish for whatever' cause the genie will take it literally."

My smart player sighs and looks at me and asks, "So what do we get?"

Me, "The best damn ham sammich ever."
35} okay so we're doing a module and there's a scene where a gnome has gone crazy and has a bucket of paint locked in a cell and is painting on the wall. The paint is supposed to help you by throwing it on a invisible stalker so you can find it. Our dwarf cleric decides to reach in take the paint and drink it...
Some of these may not be stupid, but they sure were funny.

36. My group's cleric was trying to attack a ninja. "Ha! She can't hurt me; I have an über-high AC!"
He suddeny found two kunai in his face.

37. Elf ranger: "You saw those goblin children attack me!"
Halfling rogue: "They were hugging your legs."
Elf ranger: "Grappling me, I say! I had to sickle them!"

38. During a misunderstanding in which I, thr ogue, stole some golds, a dragonborn poisonbreath'd me. I replied with "Oh, dear gods! There is a thing called ORAL HYGIENE!" We nearly died laughing.

39. We used that same dragonborn as a battering ram once.

40. The wizard fired magic missiles up kobolds' noses repeatedly.
41. We were first starting out in a campaign and our psionicist decided to Mind punch every undead we came across.

His first attempt was allowed to be redone by the DM, he tried on a zombie the first time. The second he tried it on was a skeleton.

42. This very same group of ppl, we ran into 5 skeletons and a ghoul. Me being the only semi tank type class in the group ran and engaged the Ghoul since it was by far the strongest target.
Unlucky for me i got paralyzed that same round and rather than any of my party coming to my aid, they let the paralyzed and prone monk get beat on by 2 skeletons and a ghoul while they attacked the rest.
43. ok this isn't D&D but i was DMing i think it was Trinity and any ways i had my guys go on a mission to find out why communications ceased with this mining asteroid. any ways they have to land outside the force field and hoof it on foot to the airlocks and when they get in and take off their space suits i say that the air smells like rotten eggs and you feel kinda woosie and the first thing this guy does is shoots off an explosive rocket to blow open a door causing the entire mining facility to explode from the gas.


and of course there are the hundreds of different times one of my friends will just randomly run off alone to fight something.
no.44

In a game about two years ago my party and I finished defeating a Red Dragon...

We looted the Lair for Treasure and ect, ect, I was playing a 17th level Wizard at the time I used up most of my spells in the fight with dragon the only thing I had left was Identify, and I had casted Contingency earlier in the day linked to Teleport...so I was spent..

I Identified all the magic Items and we got a ring of three wishes with one last wish on it, after we divided up the spoils...the paladin in the party got the ring of three wishes, he said " I wish we could do that again"
45) The level 1 Wizard Exclaims hes going to take on the Kobolts with Color spray and Argued agest the rest of the group that He didnt need any help.
Unlucky for him they charged and Tooked him out before he could get in range. Poor Basterd.

46) Same group of players. Level 1 Wizard trys to Cast Sleep in the room full of monsters. surprizeling He effects the monsters allready ASLEEP. And charges in .... Poor Basterd.

47) Our Fighter is in the front Line in a large Battle. When suddenly The Dragon Leader pop up. The Cleric is busy trying to heal eveyone. The Rouge Psionic, and the Monk, And gets blasted knocking him down, The Fighter and Wizard the only 2 Remaining reletively Unhurt people Are the only people left.
The Wizard Declares hes running away.
Fighter stays and grabs gear from fallen Allies (Some Healing from Cleric and such) The Dragon targets the Wizard first. Considering hes flying in the air and the battle field below is Full of dead or dieing Corpses.

The Wizard gets his Teleport to be casted at last leaveing the fighter alone but not before stateing that The Fighter was the crappest player for playing a fighter and could not win at all. Surprizeling the wizard teleports into a group of Baddies at the town that we where defending ...
And the Fighter WAS Able to take on the Dragon! needless to say the Wizard player stormed outside to smoke a cig.

48) MindBlade and party is attacking a Group of Oozes. And With his Mind Blade is just makeing MORE and MORE Oozes. The Monk ran into one Ooze and started attacking during better then people thought. The Fighter Started useing Random Clubs and such to attack the many oozes considering He didnt want to loose His Main Weapon.

Eveyone eles kinda got Raped or was running around in circles screeming HELP! And trying to heal each other.

The Wizard incuded has each time he tryed to stop to cast a spell he got gangraped by the oozes. needless to say he only tryed that once. as the mind blade keept makeing things Worse! by makeing the large number of oozes split into more Memebers then moveing onto the next. Thus adding more Rapeage!

49) 4E Wizard Trys to cast an AoE Spell Sleep. hits (Barly) but target makes it save. Trys to use AoE Spells and miss's most of the monsters BUT Hits like 3 of his team mates.
Reguardless the rest of the group afterwords decided to kill the wizard and take his stuff ... poor Basterd.

50) GrayGuard in the group Walks boldly up to an Undead Vampire and use's his touch attack and Beats the snot out of it. While the rest of the group runs away and springs all the traps they had Detected earlyer before and where just talking about Not to Spring.
51. During one 1st-level adventure, I was playing a monk. The character had very high wisdom, but I have VERY low wisdom in real life.
Basically, we'd just beaten the life out of this lizardfolk in a bar, and he had been giving some human this flask of a mysterious liquid.
ME:I drink some of the stuff in the flask.
DM:Make a fort save.
ME:Oh, crap! It's some kind of poison. (Rolls the save) Um, a 15.
DM:You become addicted to agony.
EPIC FAIL.
Needless to say, I freaked out. The DM had to make the drug less powerful so my character wouldn't become addicted (we were very new to the game, and couldn't imagine playing a good character that was addicted to a drug).
Ah. I have a few that I did.

52. My group was sent to check out the sewers because some of the guard went missing. I, being a first level wizard was given a couple of scrolls with some fire spells. We got to a manhole and we entered into basically a sewer filled with three things: poo, zombies and (unknown to my character, sadly) a very unhealthy amount of methane. Now my character was a bit impulsive (must have been the fumes), as he whipped out a scroll that he thought would do the most damage. Cut to the top side where the rest of my party was. All of a sudden, a fireball erupts from the manhole. They went down to investigate and found nothing but ash. At least I cleared an entire sewer system of an undead infestation. :D

53. My dwarven fighter get the bright idea to dig a foxhole in the path of an approaching army of trogodites(sp?) and camouflage it with a bush. Right in the middle of the path of said army. Guess what happened.

Fighter with 18 strenght wearing full plate armor and backpack full of gold coins tells me he will run 15 feet than jump across a 25 foot wide 200 feet deep chasm...
-I ask are you shure you wan't to do this?
-Yes he says.
-Really?
-Yes I have 18 strenght I can make it.
-Okay, you run as fast as you can and plunge to your death. Roll a new character.

I did something like that and landed in lava. My DM had a bit of mercy on me and my character struck a deal with Death and came back, although horribly burned with my armor fused with my skin. Shame the game didn't last long after that session.
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54: Not D&D but I was playing in a superhero style game and our group had fought the bbeg and invaded his lair. In it we discovered an awesome looking car that could fly and, turns out later, could travel though time (very Back to the Future). Problem was we were trapped in the room with it and there was no obvious way out. I told the DM I was searching the car for anything out of the ordinary that would catch my eye. She said I found nothing surprising and we spent about an hour real time searching the whole place to no avail, trying to find a way out. It wasn't till we asked for a complete description of the room that she mentioned the garage door opener inside the car. That's what I get for saying "out of the ordinary".