Minotaur Humor

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So I'm playing a huge Minotaur STR based cleric who worships a god of strength, where might makes right and has a Klingon like martial code about him.

He's really serious, but with a dry sense of cow humor. He basically really likes to screw with people.

He uses cheesey lines like, "What's your beef?" or "You coward" or "What a heifer!" then will start laughing like mad. As soon as other people start laughing he'll intimidate people.

"What you think that's funny cause I said beef!" Then will wait for them to back peddle and apologize. Anyway, you get the idea.

Anyway I'm looking for a good funny name for my minotaur and also cheesy lines for him to say.

Any suggestions?
Take the bull by the horns and call him "Tiny"
An Orc walks into a bar. The Human and the Elf laugh at the hapless Orc. The dwarf walks under it scowling and doesn't laugh. He doesn't see the humor. It was all over his head
My favorite punch line for my old minotaur barbarian- after droping an enemy "Got Milk".

You could call him Beisy and have him think its a very manly name.
Or hell, call him Angus. It's a real name!
This doesn't beat Angus, but I did some research recently while trying to name a Minotaur (Bjorkus made the DM think of Björk and swan tutus:P). According to behindthename.com, Bo and its variant Bosse are good scandinavian names. Also, bo and bos refer to bovines in gaelic and latin, respectively. With Bosse you have all of the above, and you can do the same thing Humanmind suggested for Bessie. Or you could shorten it to Boss.
A Minotaur is enjoying a drink at the bar of a tavern by himself. A Human saunters up to him, and orders a drink of his own. He sees that the Minotaur has a pair of manacles on his belt, along with a badge to indicate him as some sort of Law Enforcement officer. His innebriated mind can't help but wonder. Without hesitation, the human blurts out,

"So, what do you do with Minotaur criminals, anyway?"

The minotaur turns, and looks at the man,

"We take them Outback."
"I'm here to chew cud and kick butt! And I'm fresh out of cud!" Mr. T-Bone
An Orc walks into a bar. The Human and the Elf laugh at the hapless Orc. The dwarf walks under it scowling and doesn't laugh. He doesn't see the humor. It was all over his head
Or you could shorten it to Boss.

Only if he has a Goblin who follows him around, taking orders.

"Sure Boss! Whatever you say Boss!" may get old though. ;)
If you made him a minotaur rogue you could always call him CowLevel and when he goes into hiding after engaging some enemies they'd probably say 'there is no cowlevel!' :P (Diablo 1 reference)
Call him Buttercup. Just not to his face.

"My flying carpet is full of elves."

Minotaur taunt, from M:tG--

"Your father has no horns! Your mother wears a bell! You drink goat's milk!"
"That's a load of bull!" :D
*I* also played a minotaur cleric, one of Erathis that had turned his back on his race's savage ways. Once, a player yelled in shock:

"Holy Cow!"
Play a Tauren in World of Warcraft. You'll find tons of minotaur humor. ;)
I'd hate to be there when your minotaur serves milk and goes 'Its fresh!' :P

Any chance he hears a bell and goes 'mom?'

'Your food's so bad I'm regurgitating it twice!'

'Let loose the cows of war!'

Does he dress up as a cheeseburger for halloween?

'Ok ranger, say bullseye one more time and it'll be that last thing you see!'

'There used to be a day when minotaur did not exist, and flying bovines used to escort the dead cows into heaven, but they were brutally massacred and minotaur have risen up to correct that misdeed! We will not suffer that a human eat another buffalo wing!'
Sir Loin, the Divine Bovine?

Sorry, couldn't resist.
This thread is awesome.

Why, yes, as a matter of fact I am the Unfailing Arbiter of All That Is Good Design (Even More So Than The Actual Developers) TM Speaking of things that were badly designed, please check out this thread for my Minotaur fix. What have the critics said, you ask? "If any of my players ask to play a Minotaur, I'm definitely offering this as an alternative to the official version." - EmpactWB "If I ever feel like playing a Minotaur I'll know where to look!" - Undrave "WoTC if you are reading this - please take this guy's advice." - Ferol_Debtor_of_Torm "Really full of win. A minotaur that is actually attractive for more than just melee classes." - Cpt_Micha Also, check out my recent GENASI variant! If you've ever wished that your Fire Genasi could actually set stuff on fire, your Water Genasi could actually swim, or your Wind Genasi could at least glide, then look no further. Finally, check out my OPTIONS FOR EVERYONE article, an effort to give unique support to the races that WotC keeps forgetting about. Includes new racial feature options for the Changeling, Deva, Githzerai, Gnoll, Gnome, Goliath, Half-Orc, Kalashtar, Minotaur, Shadar-Kai, Thri-Kreen, Warforged and more!
Sir Loin, the Divine Bovine?

Sorry, couldn't resist.

That does it. I'm making a Minotaur Paladin. :D
Moohamid Ali the minotaur monk.

EDIT: Adding

Bullshido

Your party members can refer to you as the Combatcow.
If you have other minotaur in the party you can get away with yelling things like BattleCattle Charge!
Take stealth and codename yourself CowMooflauge.
Alright, you asked for it!
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/cowswithguns
We will fight for bovine freedom and hold our large heads high!
An Orc walks into a bar. The Human and the Elf laugh at the hapless Orc. The dwarf walks under it scowling and doesn't laugh. He doesn't see the humor. It was all over his head
Sir Loin, the Divine Bovine?

Sorry, couldn't resist.

First time I heard it, it was "Sir Loin of Steak"
First time I heard it, it was "Sir Loin of Steak"

I first heard it as "Sir Loin of Beef". I think it was in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.
I'm laughing my ass off, may this thread live forever in the hallowed halls of Internet Valhalla along with the Worst Players Thread and internet courtesy :d
WoTC has gotten rid of the forums I came to know and love, if you think that the old Gleemax forums should be restored, add this to your signature.
Of course, he's always 'outstanding' in his field...

Make him a collector of precious porcelain and earthenware. Every town he passes through, he's got to check out the china shops...

A really horny guy...

Sure, there's Sir Loin the heroic fighter - but have you heard (herd!) of Beau Vine, the dashing minotaur rogue?

A minotaur warlord always knows just where to *steer* the party...

(/Transylvanian accent) Listen to the children of the prairie! What moosic they make...
This thread is awesome. Thanks guys. Sir Loin is perfect. Looks like I'm multi classing into Paladin just for the name!

I've been having a lot of fun with righteous brand too. There totally should be a magic item that is branding iron of fire

I'm totally going to pick a fight in a china shop!
Various riffs off of "rare" and "well done".

"It's a cowtastrophe!"

Stops in to listen to various street performers, bards at taverns and so forth. Listens for a while, then starts getting a thoughtful expression. "It's good, but it's missing something. Needs more.... needs more.... Ahh." Pulls out an enormous bell and starts banging it really loudly.

You're the party healer, right? "Milk. It does a body good."

The party is dealing with some... fractious sorts. You tell the rest of the party to step out of the room for a little bit, then close the door. Snarls, screams, and loud thumping noises emerge. After a while, all is quiet. You open the door again, and every one of the NPCs is huddled in a corner, quivering. "I believe they are now appropriately cowed."

...also, cowering.
You're not going to fall for this line of bull, are you? When a minotaur reaches it's epic destiny will be to head for the last round up and be put out to pasture. The very idea chaps my hide!

Who wants to roleplay a character whose love interest is a complete heifer? That's udderly ridiculous! A good roleplayer could milk this character for all it's worth but that's not my brand of D&D. The first time someone called me a big ox, I'd see red!
An Orc walks into a bar. The Human and the Elf laugh at the hapless Orc. The dwarf walks under it scowling and doesn't laugh. He doesn't see the humor. It was all over his head
This is all well and good, but I think you're all milking it a bit too much. I mean, seriously, this is bull-oni. I'm a cop, and I came home after a long steakout, to see this nonsense? Granted, it was just an-udder day at the office for me, but it's still annoying, as I'm getting over a case of hay-fever. I don't want to listen to lame cow jokes anymore, so I'm going to listen to some moo-sic, preferably something with less cowbell. That's sounds nice, actually. Sit down, put on some slow jazz, sip a cup of de-calf-inated coffee, maybe thumb through one of my cattle-ogues, and drift to sleep. Sorry to steer this conversation elsewhere.
Bartender: Welcome friends! I heard of your conquest and have prepared a feast. Come, sit and have some steak.

Minotaur: I don't eat beef.
Moohamid Ali the minotaur monk.

EDIT: Adding

Bullshido

Your party members can refer to you as the Combatcow.
If you have other minotaur in the party you can get away with yelling things like BattleCattle Charge!
Take stealth and codename yourself CowMooflauge.

You might as well take it a step farther, and call the master of bullshido a SaMoorai. :D
Ya got two choices in life kid: either you're a matador...or you're a doormat!
Bartender: Welcome friends! I heard of your conquest and have prepared a feast. Come, sit and have some steak.

Minotaur: I don't eat beef.

Sir Loin kicked away a chair and tossed aside the heavy table. He grabbed the bartender by his throat, lifted him off his feet and slammed him against the wall.

"Go ahead," snorted the minotaur. "Now ask me 'where's the beef?' "
An Orc walks into a bar. The Human and the Elf laugh at the hapless Orc. The dwarf walks under it scowling and doesn't laugh. He doesn't see the humor. It was all over his head
Lowering his head in a diplomatic engagement that may require more assertive negotiating tactics, "Here are 2 additional points you might consider."

If at any point you'd like the party to get going, "Mooooooooooooooooooooove!"

"Mow ahead, make my hay"
"Mow ahead, make my hay"

Bartender: Welcome friends! I heard of your conquest and have prepared a feast. Come, sit and have some steak.

Minotaur: I don't eat beef... but uh... I don't mind giving a cow lick

An Orc walks into a bar. The Human and the Elf laugh at the hapless Orc. The dwarf walks under it scowling and doesn't laugh. He doesn't see the humor. It was all over his head
Hey babe. I'm horny, lets dance.
I'd get along more with people if they didn't jump onto a hyberbole every single time you say something they don't understand.
Barmaid: You look strong! You make me horny!

Minotaur: I have that effect on people.





Cow in a paddock: "Moo"

Minotaur: "Hey, I was going to say that"
Metrosexual Minotaur: Does this helmet make me look too horny?
My favorite punch line for my old minotaur barbarian- after droping an enemy "Got Milk".

You could call him Beisy and have him think its a very manly name.

thats funny because I'm running a Female Minotaur Warlord (Bravura type)named Milk Juggs, and her punch line right when combat starts or when things get hairy "Don't worry boys, you got Milk."

in the last session, we fought 2 minotaurs and a wartroll, after we downed the war troll, the minotaurs stopped attacking, and before they left I had a conversation with them which consisted of, "Moo, moo, ma moo moo, ma moo mooo!" ... don't know what we were talking about but it got a few laughs at the table.
A Minotaur who always carries a poorly drawn sign that reads,
"EET MOR DRAGON!"

A monster hunter Minotaur called Van Holstein.
Name suggestion: Ochs

also, he might take offense at leaving gratuities for the barmaid:

"I've never been fond of cow tipping."
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