101 Intimidation (1001 in won if you can)

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Well, I am board, and I was makeing a character up. He is an intiminater. Lets go for the rules for intimidate, shale we?

You may do an Intimidation vs. Will against an opponent 1/encounter/enemy. If the enemy is unfreidnly, te gain a +5 defence, or hostile, the gain a +10 defence.

Now that thats over with, lets start.

1) Listen, I am a good person and don't wish to kill you. If you give up now, I wont have to get your blood all over my good cloths.

2) You think you stand a chanse of living if you continue?

3) Come one, we just took out alot of oyur little "pals" back there, you honostly thing you have a chance on your own?
4.) Well, that was a good warmup. Wanna go for round two? (*insert psychotic smile*).

5.) *Primal Scream*
6) "You have no idea of the suffering I will inflict upon you."

7) "Want to see if there's an afterlife?"

8) "Your kind break so easily"
WoTC has gotten rid of the forums I came to know and love, if you think that the old Gleemax forums should be restored, add this to your signature.
9) What god do you pray to? Good, I will recommend your soul to him/her.

10) I am going to tear out your heart and rip it in half as you watch.

11) (After #7) Alright, may I please leave now?

12) When I kill you, I am going to watch the light fade from your eyes, and my face will be the last thing you see.

My Tiefling Charisma Paladin of the Raven Queen (we call him a Blackguard) has said some nifty things in RP encounters.

14) I want you to imagine how being flayed alive would feel. Got an idea? Good. Now if you tell me what I want to know, I'll let you pick my starting point.

15) You humans are way too attached to your limbs. Come on, now...do you really need two whole arms?

16) My Blessed Queen grants me power to heal or harm...which means that after I reduce you to a quivering mass of squeeling flesh, we can start the process all over again until I bore. Did I mention that I rarely get bored?

17) *Sinister, fang filled Tiefling grin* Did he refuse to talk? Oh good...

18) *Unrolls a massive array of odd looking sharp instruments* Hmm...all my previous interrogation attempts ended abruptly at utensil 12. Let's see if we can break that record, shall we?
19) My companions would like some information from you. *runs thumb along a dagger blade* Please keep your mouth shut because I would dearly love to cut on your for a while.

Co-author on AoA 2-3 and 4-1.

OMG, you guys a brutal 9 with a 10 sided dice....
Lol, sorry for the comparison, I don't get to use DnD sayings a lot, but that on sounded a bit weak. I did however enjoy them, and I think I'll with them in my little campaign booklet so my character can use them during battle/interrogation speeches.

I especially liked #17, mind if my character uses it, well, without the fangs (I don't think humans have any.)

20) Listen, I would very much like some information you have. ~said kindly at first, then pulls out his mace~ Now, could you please tell me them, or should I just forget that I need them for a second?

21) Give up, you out numbered, out matched, and obviously you dont have a leg to stand on. If you give up, I promise you that you wont have to see the oblivion of the afterlife.

22) Do you believe in an afterlife? If your not certain of it, it wouldn't heart to live a bit longer.

23) I don't have to be your enemy, give up now and I promise that I wont kill you. Well, maybe not now.
24) "Submit to your failure" (pronounced in a thick accent so it sounds like 'Surrender') "or it shall consume you."

25) (in a deep booming voice that echoes off the walls) HALT !

Best complements I have yet received

Making it up as I go along:

{BRJN} If I was writing the Tome of Lore, I would let Auppenser sleep. But I also would have him dream. In his dreaming he re-activates the innate powers of (some) mortal minds. Or his dreaming changes the nature of reality - currently very malleable thanks to Spellplague &c. Or whatever really cool flavor text and pseudo-science explanation people react positively to.

{Lord_Karsus} You know, I like that better than the explanations for the Spellplague.


{BRJN} If Bhaal approves of The Joker, does he approve of Jack Nicholson's portrayal or Heath Ledger's protrayal more?

{Stigger} That question is utterly classic, and completely on target.


Prepped ahead of time:

I started the 4e thread "1001 Failed Interrogation Results" (now lost in that great electronic goodnight, alas)

{ADHadh} These are all good and make sense! I just can't come up with something that's not covered here and is not completely ridiculous.


(News bulletin: Updated thread to be posted after I review the 5e DMG)


My 5e characters


none yet - gotta find a group !

Character Ready-to-go:

Erevyn Meliamne, Wood elf Monk1, inspired by "Radar O'Reilley" from M*A*S*H

Concepts I'm kicking around:

Barbarian w/Tough feat, to be nearly indestructible

"Truenamer" cleric - all spells are Verbal

"Buggy" Wizard - insect flavor on everything.  His DMPC / BBEG version is going to become a beetle version of a Worm That Walks.  (See the 4e Lamia.)  Because lichdom is so cliche.

26."I think we could use some light, and your the firewood"

27. "How many bones does one like you have, lets find out. *clubs the tip off the guys finger* One. *raises club again*

28. "You know we have killed a dragon, right? what chance do you have?"

29. "What god get your soul when you die? you might want to start praying to it"

30. "One... Two... Three... Four..."

31. "How long will it take for you to die if i cut your wrist. *glances around*
Any one want to take bets?"

32. "Hahahaha, you think im a Good guy?!"

33. "My freinds would be upset if they knew what im going to do to you. luckly they arnt around."

34. "hmm, i could spare you or, take out my frustrations on you and save lives. What would you choose in my place?"

35. "If you want to die take another step"

36. "I like drinking ale and killing peaple. *looks around* i dont see any ale here." *flash a grin*
37) *8' Dwarf looks down at the 5' human covered in blood* DARN he said suck not strike oh well *shruggs* my giant, and common are rusty so tell me where she is.
38) *Sucks his pointed teeth and grins* I haven't had meat in quite a while...

39) I'm not quite sure you fully fathom the horrors you'll experience prior to leaving this mortal coil unless you comply.

40) Look at me. LOOK AT ME! Good, I have your attention now. Remember my face...especially my eyes, for I'm going to remove yours first before I start on the rest of you.

41) Let me tell you a story about how I got these scars...
42. "Im getting hungry... Did you know my kind eat our dead? its just meat afterall " *licks lips*

43. "guess a number between 1 and 10. guess right and i will let you go, guess wrong and you die... did i mention that fractions an descimals count?"

44. "if you dont surrender ill hunt down everyone youve ever loved and kill them, slowly"

45. "im keeping a tally of how many of what race ive killed, want to know how many of your kind of died at my hands"

46 "did you know some peaple think that there is a diffrence between inflicting pain and having fun? weird, right?"

47 "i once killed a man becuse he shorted me a copper, do you think what you have done is worse than that?"

48 "next time i hear any noise come from you, your dead. note that breathing counts"
49. "Let's see how many tears into your flesh it takes for me to get what I want."

50. "I see my dinner has just arrived."

51. "I love it when you squirm."

52. "I'm going to grant you the knowledge of knowing what your insides look like."

53. *Sniffs air* "Hm, I love the smell of dead carcass in the morning."

54. "I'm going to mount your head on my shield. It'll be a truly disgusting sight."

55. "I'm going to show different ways your limbs can bend."
Ok, we are more then half way there, so lets make this interesting. Now, we have to do it in a certain patern

Odds: Get a bloodied enemy to stop fighting
Evens: Get someone to tell there depest secrets.

Main reason is because it seems like you guys are just doing a "fear me" then a "tell me what I want to know" or a "give up now or I will kill you" with a few exeptions.
56 (After enemy claims he'll never talk):
Perhaps not. *brandishing dagger* However, before I'm done I'm sure you're going to scream.

57: *Removes fallen enemy's head, sticks it on pike*
Throw down your swords, or you'll be joining him.

58: *Say nothing, just glare menacingly at the enemy with a sadistic grin on your face while scraping your rusty knives/swords/axes together*
59. You have two options. Cooperate, or I can peel you like a grape. One strip of flesh at a time.
60. I will drag you to the depths of the hells and show you what it truly means to suffer. (stand in front of a large fire or burning corpse for added effect.)
61. I've broken the will of ancient dragons in mere hours. You won't last five minutes.
62. I don't care what your master will do to you if you talk. If you knew what I have in store for you, you wouldn't either.
*shamelessly stolen from the 3.5 Handle Animal handbook*

63. In my country, we have a saying. The man with the tyrannosaurus rex always has the right of way. Move it or lose it.

*wandering past randomly as one of your party members is interrogating the guy*

64. Ooh, I do hope this one decides to be difficult.

*hefting axe*

65. And I was hoping to get through this without getting blood on my clothes. Ah well, can't be helped.

Course, you could always just emulate the best ever example of a successful Intimidate check. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=yKl28Qtc4nI
66) You can talk, or I can torture you. I really hope you don't talk...
'cause I really want to torture you.
The last time I tortured someone, they didn't even HAVE chainsaws.
67) "I'm not going to kill you, but by the time I'm finished, you'll wish you were."

68) (Shamelessly pilfered from Watchmen) "Hey *insert name here* how's the wife?

69) (Dragonborn only) "You know, my draconic lineage has granted me a wonderful set of teeth, now are you going to talk or am I going to have to show you how good they are for shearing through flesh."

70) "Anything goes here, it's just you, me, and the King that Crawls Beneath."

71) " *Brandishes a whip* This is a cat-o-nine tails, and this, is a pain-reliving ointment. I use the whip when you're bad, and the ointment when you're good, now, but since you haven't talked, I won't be needing the ointment."
WoTC has gotten rid of the forums I came to know and love, if you think that the old Gleemax forums should be restored, add this to your signature.
72) ohh... I like your race it tastes like chicken.

73) the last one of your kind I beat, is still slowly Bleeding to death, and that was a week ago.

74) ohh I love knocking your kind out, skinning them and watching them scream as a pour salt all over them, MUHAHAHAAHA.
73) The world has a purpose for us all...do not let your purpose be to feed my patron's lust for prey.

74) I can kill you so it'll take you a week to die! Now I don't want to talk to you anymore, let's get this done with.

75) We all end up in the hands of death. Give up or I'll need to gift wrap you.

76) (Dragonborn with his breath weapon oozing from a snarl) Time to talk or time to get a kiss you won't forget? Your decision.
I can't believe someone hasn't used this movie quote yet
77) It seems you have me beat, but there is something you should know... I'm not left handed
78. *Said slowly and softly or bellowed at the top of one's lungs... it really doesn't matter* "I will break you." (my taclord's favored threat).
79. (for an infernal pact warlock before his/her victim's imminent death) See you in hell or have fun in Avernus.
Ok, we are more then half way there, so lets make this interesting. Now, we have to do it in a certain patern

Odds: Get a bloodied enemy to stop fighting
Evens: Get someone to tell there depest secrets.

Just wonderin if you guys saw this and didn't just post without reading other posts.
Just wonderin if you guys saw this and didn't just post without reading other posts.

Okay, here's one (even):

80. Warlock looks at the Duchess. "My Lady, have you still got that truth potion? You know, the one that turns them inside out when they lie?" Smiles coldly at the prisoner. "Don't worry, I won't force you to drink it. In a few days, you'll be thirsty enough that I won't have to."

Your house-rules suck.
I played a knight (in 3.5) once who used Intimidate fairly often, at least for a good character.

81. Do you really want to do that?

82. You fought well, and I'd really hate to waste such a talent.

83. Say what you will, but we WILL get the information.

(This wasn't so much an intimidate, but I ran through half a dozen opportunity attacks before the wizard layed down the fireball)
84. Torch them.

Always a GM, never a player (not really but sometimes feels like it).

Hex Grid UserPopcorn InitiativeAndroid UserD&DMapTools


I like the Batman-vs.-Guy Gardner approach:

85. "Sit. [i]DOWN.[/i]"
84. Torch them.

Re-#84. We'll call this #86 *While walking away with one of the enemy - passing the pyro of the group* They move, Burn'em*lighting a cigarette at the same time*Lets you and I talk.

#87. Lets test this shall we? *lifting a large blade or hammer* How many of you die before one of you runs?
Something by someone with a weapon.

#88 That arm of yours will bleed for a long time, I think, now let's see how long it'll take to come off if you don't start saying something I want to hear.

The words of a Halfling Starlock when someone stands between her and the pursuit of her quest, knowledge, or a mission given by her patron.

#89 You dare stand against me? The powers of the arcane are at my command, and I have seen your death... *cold and radiant energy exudes from her hands as her eyes light up with green energy* and I will bring it about if you do not flee.
Go to preferences at the top of the page to create a sig. If you have just figured out how to create a sig, like me, copy this into your sig.
(For my character in particular):

90: I can see into time, you know...I know everything about you and your shame.

91: Have I introduced you to my pet? Say hello to the nice man, Iblis! *Pulls giant cobra out of sleeve and begins waving it* Now what was that troop postion again?
92: {to a group of enemies} I'm going to shove your head up his butt, and his head up his butt, and his head up his butt, and his head up my butt. Got it?
Star Pact Warlock(Too easy when you rub elbows with Lovecraftian beings):
93: "Listen you insignificant piece of cosmic dust if I even muttered the NAME of my patron it would destroy your feeble mind!"
Odds: Get a bloodied enemy to stop fighting
Evens: Get someone to tell there depest secrets.

94. Listen, i am a reasonable person, I am the paladin of bahamut and I can tell you here and now that I dont want to see you come to harm. However, what you know is what I need to know and I can only promise you that you wont die. But in all my time in the wars, it is sickening what you can live through and wish you haddent. Please, for the sake of bahamut talk before they get to have their way.
95 feylock: keep this up and i'll melt your mind like a candle in a bonfire, kneel now!
96 feylock again: Please, whatever you do, DO NOT think about your hidden secrets, i want to pry them out slowly.
97 It only gets tougher from here, you sure you want to go on?
98 Hey, wanna see a trick i learned from a mind flayer?
93. "Want to see a magic trick? I can make this pencil disappear." - Joker
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. -Albert Einstein When the forces of stupid collide, magical things happen. And by magical, I mean ******* moronic. - Anon
100: (Interrogation - two prisoners with one of them still unconscious, the other one about to come too) - *waits for the person to come too and stabs the other one* "Thank you for your answers. I will remember them.

101: Gnom gnoms! (Note - only really effective if you're playing a really big character...)

102: If you tell me what I want, I'll let you die.

103: While your bravery surely denotes your experience in combat you are forgetting something brother, that while you are still alive - you can feel pain.
One character I'm playing, a halfling chaos sorceror, is a pretty crazy guy.* This is one of his favorites.

104. (Begins by using a minor action to take his case of custom made straws from his belt. Opens it up to see that the straws are not there, giggling hysterically the whole time.) "Oh dear it appears that my straws have disappeared. (Laughs more.) I guess I will have to make a new set out of your finger bones before I drink up your blood.

*HUGE understatement.
:evillaugh Whoa, you guys are nasty! *copypastes, notes & quotes*

If it's ok with you and the OP I'd like to hear some more intimidation phrases that can be used by those of us to play good-aligned chars, too.
(True, the whole purpose of intimidation is to get what you want without resulting to torture, but it would be quite a pita to be disbelieved... except for those who like scalpels or chainsaws...) My group runs into that problem every once in a while because we have gained quite a reputation as do-gooders, so those rings of mind shielding aren't that useful when captured enemies know you won't make good on your threat of torturing/killing them while they are defenseless/killing their loved ones. *sigh*

A rather mild one I pulled off IC
105. (rummages through potion container in sight of stubborn captured orc, pulls out a vial of hangover-killer)
"Does anyone remember what's in this vial? I think our druid brewed it up along with those batches of wyvern poison last month." Group: *shakes head* Me (almost unable to tell a straight lie but having mastered the art of smiling evilly): "Ah well, let's find out..."
106. This is what we call sovereign glue. Of course you've heard of it. The reason... well.. one of the reasons you can't talk right now is that almondy taste in your mouth. Of course, we were going to interrogate you, we figured that you wouldn't talk anyway, so we went ahead with the punishment. The town guard are on their way... Oh, here's the bottle of solvent. But uh, you wouldn't tell us anything anyway, right?

107. I always wondered what color a *insert race here* turns when you choke it...

108. Your dagger seems to be of substandard quality. Here... let me help you *pull the enemy's weapon into self* I already told you. I cannot die.

109. Oh? You seem to think that I was taking you to jail. No, sorry. Mm? Of course I'm going to leave you here like this. You killed these people's children and burned their homes. I imagined that you would wish to absolve yourself of your sins in person.

110. All your face are belong to us. (star pact warlock wearing hide screaming armor)

111. Face me, and know fear. (paladin, palamor armor, sunblade, distortion cloke for a full glowy affect while facing intelligent undead)

112. Okay, okay. We don't want any trouble. You just want our valuables right? Awesome, here, just take this and we'll turn around and never return. ... Oh? Its uh.. *cough*n' egg. Hey... why are you backing up?

113. (supah strength required) Enemy - Halt, who goes there! *draws weapon*
Grab weapon. Bend tip. "Come on now. You didn't really think that'd work did you?" (I love daily item powers)

114. For good guys, just smart good guys that are in a political setting, there is always the option of having the rogue sneak into the person's bedchamber, and placing items in the room. I prefer like folded paper cranes, placed in the room (like hundreds of them) then followed by a note saying "Got tired of waiting. Signed *insert name here*"

115. "hah! I surrendered! You can't kill me now!"
"Oh? I had not intention of killing you."
"Oh yes, isn't your faction at odds with Vecna's right now? I need some information..." (Implied threat, actually going to deposit the person in the jail.)

116. *knocks on the door of the enemy hiding point* Bahamut's witness. (this actually worked.)

117. The Raven Queen has decided, that you are not going to die today. You have my apologies. *insert leer*

118. Out of curiosity... you're not an organ donner are you?

119. (When interrogating an abborean...) "Burn... his flowers."
120. I would like to see you cooperate, I really would. So you can either tell me what you know, or you can deal with one of my less pleasant allies. I'm sure you don't like being tortured any more than I like to torture. I implore you to provide that cooperation.
121. "I swear I am going to put you in a bag of holding if you dont be quiet."
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