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Hope you feel better man. I'm liking how Haltia is progressing.

I'll do a quick grammar/spelling check, before I write Yuri's backstory.

Fixed Version:

The humans, at first, were basically cavemen, even more primitive than the foxes and wolves. That was, until the Awakening happened. After that, the humans seemed to have gained an evolutionary spark of some sort, which allowed them evolve quickly, even more so than the foxes and wolves. Even with the evolution, the humans were basically nothing in terms of power on Haltia.

It wasn't until a man named Geral, whom was a planeswalker, that came to Haltia, prior to the Awakening, after his own world mysteriously crumbled into non-existence, that things began to change. After the Awakening, he emerged and began to share the secrets of his world with the other humans, namely, gunpowder. He also found that the materials on Haltia, while different, still were suitable for the stuff. Using the only thing he had from his world, a single pistol (now, before you say anything, if you think about this guy (Alaborn Musketeer), gunpowder in MTG isn't that farfetched), weapons were made and new designs were created. In a few years time, the humans now had the ability to compete with the wolves and foxes but the fact that the humans just didn't have the numbers prevented them from even thinking of trying.

It wasn't long though until they got their chance to show what they were made off though as a sudden infestation of carnivorous worms sprang up, both big and small. The worms devoured anything in their way and the wolves and foxes were having some trouble keeping up with killing them. That's when Geral saw the opportunity to help them. The other humans were unsure though as they, in essence, were scared of them and what they could do. Geral explained that if they help with the extermination they may have to fear them no more as they'll see them as allies. The other humans saw the point in what he said and with some quick mobilization, went to the fox and wolf territories to help with the worms. At first, the foxes and wolves were surprised at the human's sudden appearance but quickly saw that they were there to help so they fought side by side, exterminating worms left and right.

After the fight seemed to be won, another worm rose from the ground. The size of a 4 story building, it rampaged through the ranks of man and animal. This is when Geral realized that it was going to take more than what they had to beat this thing. That's when he saw the giant wolf ballista, he got an idea. The arrow alone wasn't going to kill the massive worm, but perhaps with more power on it, it just may do the trick. He ordered everyone to retreat and lure the worm into a single spot, while, with permission, strapped powerful explosives on the giant arrow, placing them as to not disrupt the flight of it. He tend told the wolf team manning it to aim for the head of it as he light the fuses. It had to be timed as too soon and the explosives could possibly not go off when it embeds into the worm, too late and the arrow would explode in mid-air. With the accuracy of the wolf team and the timing of Geral, the wolves let the arrow fly. The arrow hit dead on, and about half a second later, a giant explosion obliterated the head of the worm, which then it fell, lifeless, with an earth-shaking thud onto the ground.

After all was said and done, a feast was held to celebrate the victory with the very worms they killed (as they were found to be surprisingly edible and tasty when cooked right). After the feast, Lility and Warrian themselves greeted Geral with a hearty thanks and an offer of alliance, which was hastily accepted by the humans. Haltia was at peace again. But things had only just got started.

Don't worry. I just plugged it into word and ran a quick spell-check.

hmmm. I think it's pretty good, but maybe you could clear up some inconsistancies. The timeframe is a little off, in that you say humans are basically cavemen until the awakening, which implies lack of any real machinery/tools besides stone weapons at best, and that they were still evolving physically*. So how does Geral's appearance throw them immediately into an industrial revolution of sorts? I think you need to specify just how long after the awakening Geral appears. Is it one year or one thousand years, this really needs to be clarified, otherwise the sudden advance from hammers to rifles seems a little farfetched. Similarily, you may be interested in "A Conneticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" if you want to get a good picture of how to portray a swift change in technology, as well as learn how to describe the falacies of an undeveloped society.

Also, why do the humans have less numbers than the wolves and the foxes? I assume it's because of their primitiveness, but a word from you might help this.

All in all, just clean up the timing and this will be much better.

* Evolution is generally depicted as taking place over millions of years, so again we have the problem of the sudden jump from neanderthal to industrial revolution, civilized society. Things could be different on Haltia, presumably, but you might want to specify this. Also, are the primitive wolves/foxes even aware of the humans evolution? It seems odd they'd grasp such a concept at that stage of development.

Aug 19, 2012 -- 6:04PM, killercore007 wrote:

The timeframe is a little off, in that you say humans are basically cavemen until the awakening, which implies lack of any real machinery/tools besides stone weapons at best, and that they were still evolving physically.

Actually, physical wise, they were already like modern humans. Though as you say, they mainly worked with stone before the Awakening, yes.

  

So how does Geral's appearance throw them immediately into an industrial revolution of sorts? I think you need to specify just how long after the awakening Geral appears. Is it one year or one thousand years, this really needs to be clarified, otherwise the sudden advance from hammers to rifles seems a little farfetched

Actually, Geral came just before the Awakening happened, he just mearly only revealed himself after seeing the effects the Awakening had and the sudden advancements of the fox and wolf tribes, in time wise, about...6 months to a year? Also, despite the quick evolution of the humans, it still took a while to, well, get up to speed per say.

Also, why do the humans have less numbers than the wolves and the foxes? I assume it's because of their primitiveness, but a word from you might help this.

Guess I should re-clarify on this. I meant to say that sure, the humans could maybe take on one tribe, but then the other tribe would come in and under the full weight of the animal tribes, the humans would pretty much be crushed.

Also, are the primitive wolves/foxes even aware of the humans evolution? It seems odd they'd grasp such a concept at that stage of development.

Kind of. They somewhat see how the humans are progressing but before the worm war, they really didn't see the humans as a threat nor see thier full potential in any way so...

Ah good, this answers my confusions pretty well. Thanks.