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Jul 7, 2012 -- 3:40PM, killercore007 wrote:

Yep, though I REALLY didn't want to, I changed almost all of Haltia in terms of story and what not.
Some things stayed the same though.

1. Humans are still on it.
2. Most of Haltia is of nature still.
3. Still has it's hodgepodge areas.

Now for some differeneces:

1. Gone are most of the animal races and now there are just 2, the foxes and the wolves.
2. It's no longer humans vs. animals but rather the animals vs each other and the humans mearly got in the crossfire.
3. Instead of 1 color to each set of populous, it's now more of like the ravnica guilds(a 2 color kind of thing, although the humans mainly specialize in white mana. They do dabble in the other colors though) Foxes are with green and blue and wolves are with red and black. 


Weapon wise, they're still pretty much the same, with the foxes being blowdarts, spears, bollas and other stuff that would be sutiable for the jungle/forest areas and the wolves with their xbows, machettes, various other blades, and ballistas and stuff like that.

EDIT: Massive addition time

Beginnings of Haltia Spoiler: Show

At first, there was only rock and dirt, with few places for habitation available. On this seemly barren plane were 2 tribes, the foxes and the wolves. Each tribe lived in seclusion from each other. As each tribe grew, the need for more habitable land almost drove each tribe into war. It was near the tipping point that some fox and wolf scouts exploring the underground caves for good attack routes found crystals of pure mana, one for each color. 
At that point, the crystals began to glow. They became brighter and brighter until suddenly, a rapid expansion of light enveloped the entire plane. It was then that when the light finally faded, Haltia had became a place of nature, with mountains, caves, and hot springs(the same ones from before) to the north, lush jungle/forest areas with lakes and beaches to the south, and a rolling plains corridor in the middle with 2 larger areas of plains to the east and west.

       The 2 tribes, wondering what just happened, now saw that there was no need for war and the land had now shown itself to all. The wolves went north and the foxes south. The scouts from before the Awakening of Haltia, as dubbed by the tribes, unfortunatly seemed to vanish into nothing and neither tribe could ever figure out why. Shortly after the tribes began to build anew, infighting began to erupt as each tribe had no real leadership and argued over whom should lead. 1 day later, 2 people(for lack of a better term), one fox, named Lility, and one wolf, named Warrian, appeared one day at each tribe, saying that despite what happened underground, they were the surviving scouts from before the Awakening and explained what was found and what happened. Seeing this, the tribes decided that since these 2 people had triggered the Awakening and in that way, saved the 2 tribes from extinction and elected them as thier leader, Lility for the foxes and Warrian for the wolves.

Under the leadership of each, the tribes expanded and evolved at surprising rates and now had finally lived in true peace upon Haltia, at least, for the time being.

 
Any good?

I like this origin story. It could use just a touch more detail and some minor editing tweaks, but I think you're on the right track here.

The two returning scouts are interesting, in particular. What's up with them? Are they still what they were before the mana crystals were activated? Got any plans for them?

Oh, and what happened with humans during this period? Not gonna lie, they seem more and more like afterthoughts in this world, and I'm wondering if it might be best to just crop them out entirely, since you're not that interested in them, seemingly, and I know I'm not particularly interested in them. Monored, any thoughts on that?

What bothers me about this is that you've got this great, self contained little story here... and yet you want to turn it into this vast, epic, plane spanning saga. I guess I don't understand why.

Hm, maybe training your brain NOT to work that way is an important part of learning your craft, though. It can be valuable to push against your inclinations, and I really do think a smaller story would serve this plane better...

Which still makes it, unfortunately, a very non-collaborative setting...

As per my comments on humans, I think it goes 2 ways. For one thing, they don't seem to play a prominent role at all before the role, so you might consider removing them. But on the other hand, if they're important in the war, you need to make them more important in the origin so they mesh better. Plus, removing them might step on lorwyn's toes with the "no humans" thing.

Aug 11, 2012 -- 5:19PM, Monoredburn wrote:

if they're important in the war, you need to make them more important in the origin so they mesh better.

The origin isn't done yet, what I posted is mearly the first part. Give me a moment to post the rest.