I am both orderly and instinctive. I value community and group identity, defining myself by the social group I am a part of. At best, I'm selfless and strong-willed; at worst, I'm unoriginal and mindless.
The world perceives you as off your rocker, but that isn't true. You just make mental connections to things and don't entirely explain your thinking. So if you suddenly bring up birdhouses in geometry, you'll probably get some strange looks. You are rather impulsive but generally a good person.
@7_ate_9 what decks were they playing? We're you playing multi-player, or what exactly?
P.S. I hope you actually didn't... you know... do that with him and his friends. They're magic cards man, who knows what diseases they carry . You don't want to catch that stuff...
Within the Lightning's Blink_I will Cry for Vengeance.
And that was only part 1. I have at least 3 more parts to do. Admittedly, my original story flow has dropped some because I've FORGOTTEN what I was going to do with some of those parts... but still, I have the high points for at least 3 more to do. Not sure where I'm going to implement portions of these. Two of the parts are pretty interchangable.
I am both orderly and instinctive. I value community and group identity, defining myself by the social group I am a part of. At best, I'm selfless and strong-willed; at worst, I'm unoriginal and mindless.
The world perceives you as off your rocker, but that isn't true. You just make mental connections to things and don't entirely explain your thinking. So if you suddenly bring up birdhouses in geometry, you'll probably get some strange looks. You are rather impulsive but generally a good person.
@7_ate_9 what decks were they playing? We're you playing multi-player, or what exactly?
P.S. I hope you actually didn't... you know... do that with him and his friends. They're magic cards man, who knows what diseases they carry . You don't want to catch that stuff...
Within the Lightning's Blink_I will Cry for Vengeance.
Of everything that's changed, I miss sleep the most. People need sleep. This isn't a huge revelation, but it takes an entirely different meaning when you live in the fear that every time you close your eyes to rest, you might not awaken.
As the gray light of coming dawn mutes the starry skies, my gaze is drawn to the reflection in the window. Outside, towers and spires stretch outward across the world and upward to the heavens. Inside the glass though, all I see are the dark circles under my mismatched eyes and my disheveled sand colored hair. Younger features than I expect stare back at me and my hand runs across the rough shade of stubble on my chin. Going to have to shave again, much as I hate doing that. My eyes stare back at me, and it's like looking at a stranger.
People need sleep. They need time to rest, time without burdens, and I think most importantly, time to dream. But those are human needs, human concerns. The divine need no rest, and have no dreams beyond their purpose. I'm so tired, but I know every time I finally collapse into sleep, I'm still human. I just hope the same is true when dawn finally arrives.
Part 1:
Don't say I have the face of an angel, 'Cause it's such an easy thing to do. I would never want the face of an angel, Not after seeing what an angel goes through. -Face of an Angel, by Shonya Bayle, the Balladrix of Tin Street
The wind rushed over me as we soared over the 7th district. Heavy muscles rolled under my thighs Oh darling talk dirty to me as the griffin I sat astride pounded mmm the air with its wings, clattering my armor along with its own with the motion. NOW YOU CAN'T UNSEE THE SUBTEXT BWAHAHA My partner, Keris, let out an exuberant cry as her own griffin dove lower and pulled ahead of us. She loved flying, and I'll admit, her joy was contagious. Her smile stood out as her jet hair streamed back, subject to the whims of gravity and wind as her 'fin rolled and somersaulted in midair. Not the most professional thing for a member of the Cloud-Winged Guard to do, but you couldn't fault her for enjoying her work. She finally levelled out as I moved my 'fin within a wingspan of her's.
"What's the emergency this time? I didn't get a chance for briefing this morning before they told us to take off." I yelled at her.
"Same as usual. The goblins are revolting." she laughed.
I smirked. Some jokes are old no matter what plane you're on. Of course, most people wouldn't know that. Most probably couldn't even conceive that their world wasn't alone in the vast empty void, seperated from others only by a thin veil and indescribable oceans of chaos. I'm not most people. Those few who even suspect there are greater worlds out there, mostly mages, have no way of proving that, but then there are those like me. We're born different, born with some infinitesimal spark of something far greater, able to step between worlds and survive. Planeswalkers. Beings of legend and myth, gods to some and devils to others. I've never understood some of the stories I've heard in my travels, of the power walkers are supposed to possess, but I guess that's what happens when history becomes legend. Then again, legends are what brought me here.
As our griffins climbed, sliding under enormous buttresses that stretched like bridges, I marvelled at the vast scope of this world. The climbing towers floating in the air, suspended by magic or the more conventional struts that held entire keeps off the ground. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of people milled on the plazas far below, almost invisible from this height. Even in the air, there were things to see, enormous animals and more models of aircraft than I could have guessed existed before I came here. They called it Ravnica, and even in the tumult of worlds I've lived on, it was something to behold. Civilization stretched endlessly from horizon to horizon, literally, a metropolis unmatched in size and diversity. Virtually every race under any sun you could name was present on Ravnica, citizens trying to survive in the shadow of towers that rival the Radiant Bastions of my home plane. Humans, elves, goblins, flamekin, all ordinary citizens. Even angels, living beside the grounded folk. Even angels...
"Wake up Raef!"
"Hosts above!" nice slang I swore. I snapped back to attention just in time to be slapped in the face with a griffin's tail, too late to avoid getting a faceful of feathers and embarassment. Keris slowed Kang, her 'fin, to match my pace as she laughed. I realized at about that time that I'd slowed pretty badly while daydreaming. I shrugged off the distraction and tried to smile at her, but concern was plain in the eyes behind her goggles.
"You really need to get more sleep Raef. If you drift off up here you could fall. Then I'd have to break in a new partner."
"I know you'd hate that. You did everything except feed me to your griffin when I started, I wouldn't wish that on anybody else. I'll be fine Keris." I used my most reassuring smile. It didn't work. She wasn't buying it. "Really."
"Raef, I've known you for six months. I can tell when something's bothering you, which has been pretty much always. You never get enough sleep and it shows."
"Hey, now that's not..."
"You need to relax. After our shift, you should come get a drink with me tonight. It'll help you to unwind." I'd swear she was blushing if it weren't for the fact that the wind reddened her cheeks on a regular basis. I just started a betting pool on how long she'll survive. I'm guessing not long.
"I sleep enough. I just have trouble..."
"Which is why you need a drink. So there, matter settled." she shot me a wry smile again and banked her griffin away. I sighed and shook my head. If only it were that easy. Hosts, if only I could tell her why I couldn't relax, much less sleep.
We soared over the edges of 7th district towards the bounds of the 8th where the canyons of Old Rav pushed up into the city proper. That's where the call had come from earlier and where we were ultimately bound. Our rich benefactors had demanded we investigate because of the disturbing rumors coming from the poorer districts bordering their estates. It wasn't out of any altruisism on their part, they were worried those rumors would spill up over the canyon walls and disturb their garden parties. [snort] Yeah, you've pretty much perfectly captured Ravnica. We passed over those august compounds and soared above the dark canyon that housed those too poor to live anywhere but the ghettoes of Old Rav. The griffins folded their wings, Keris and I leaning forward, and we dropped like stones. Buildings flashed past, the wind whistling in our ears at first and then evolving to a numbing roar as we let the 'fins fall. My mount, Sid, unfurled its wings with a snap first, caught the updrafts and slowed almost as hard as if it had actually hit the cobbled streets below. Keris waited a few more seconds, wringing the last little daredevil thrill out of the dive before Kang's wings shot out like lightning and swelled. I usually don't like coming down here. Shadows from above keep the canyon walls dark, and the windows carved into them always remind me of hollow, dead eyes. As we flew through the perpetual twilight that Old Rav suffers, the last rays of sunlight above faded and the crowds thinned on the terraces and canyon floors below. With a last abrupt drop, we landed hard, lichen and moss making the cobbles slick under the griffin's talons. We climbed off and the smell of stale water made both of us grimace, which is the second reason I hate coming down here.
Keris scratched her 'fin behind its feathered mane and it warbled loudly. I rolled my shoulders and stretched slightly, harder to do in my patchwork armor than out of it, but necessary if we were about to wade through a bunch of goblins causing trouble. A sneaking suspicion made me slow though, before I stopped stretching completely. I reached back and made sure my claymore slid smoothly out of its scabbard. Something was wrong. It was way too quiet here to be goblin raids, even if one had ended. There should have been fires and drums still going, but it was silent. Keris must have picked up on it too. She was checking both of her short swords and looking around. Something had definitely happened here, or worse, was still happening. We were the only ones on the streets and for a city the size of Ravnica, that was virtually unheard of. The only things moving were dozens and dozens of rats, which gave our griffins a healthy berth, sticking to the shadows and trash in the alleys and on the walls.
"The report said goblins didn't it?"
"Yeah, that's the call we got from down here."
"If we ever got accurate intel, I'd probably die and save whatever is trying to kill me the effort." Something stirred and I stiffened. It wasn't from outside, but deep inside me. Something uncomprimising and angry was rising to the surface in response to whatever was out there. That unnerved me so much more than the silence and I tried to halt it, pushing it down as deep as I could. Whatever had stirred the power inside, it was bad. Something a lot worse than goblins. "Keep your guard up Keris. There's definitely something out there."
"Tell me something I don't know Raef." She shot back, an edge of irritation in her voice. "The griffins can take care of themselves. C'mon, we've got a job to do." With that, she strode forward leaving me to watch her back. Always left watching people's backs... I sighed and followed in her wake.
The atmosphere in the canyons was stifling, a thick fog rolling about thanks to sewers that never got completely cleared out. As we moved, Keris pulled her short swords, the opposite of my claymore in a lot of ways. She preferred her weapons to be quick, but I was raised with the heavy sword that I held. It wasn't a common weapon on Ravnica, and I'd developed a reputation with it. The blade shone wanly in the guttering light. What illumination there was came from glow orbs that lined the streets, every few posts burnt out thanks to neglect. We didn't have to go far before that changed. All the glow orbs on either side of the street were completely dark, casting a wall of shadow that was almost palpable.
"Great."
"What's the matter Raef? Scared of the dark?" Keris teased as she sheathed one of her swords and set the other aside as she knelt. She pulled at her belt, a long chain coming unwound from the hanging crescent lantern she held. A muttered word caused verdant light to spill from the searchlight and she picked up her blade back up. "That's why I love working for the guard, we get such nice toys."
"I thought you liked working for the guard because they let you fly."
"That too. Also, shut up."
"You're the girl with the sword, anything you say." I chuckled. In honesty, it didn't make the darkness any less oppressive, but at least it helped ease the tension that had been building. We steeled ourselves and eased forward into the green limned shadows.
In the darkness, the ruins of people's lives loomed. This is quite melodramatic, but I just looove melodrama, so it's ok. And it's also very much in keeping with Raef's rather melodramatic narration. Yeah, that's quite a nice line. Heavy columns and caved in hovels lay across the streets. I knew all too well that no matter what had happened here, those ruins hadn't actually changed that much. People lived desperate lives and eked out what they could down here in places that others would condemn. Vines hung off the glow orb posts and as we travelled deeper, the silence began to hang as heavily as the fog swirling about us. After a few minutes the searchlight that Keris held did little to battle back the darkness, but from the mouths of doorways, new illumination stirred. I gripped my sword tighter and heard Keris pull her second sword from its sheath. The lantern winked out and we were left alone with the dull radiance glowing in the fog. From their homes, they drifted out. Their illumination gleaming more brightly as more joined the legion. The streets were filled with the dead. Bodies lay where they had fallen and their ghosts were the only eyes left to see the slaughter that had transpired. The spirits stretched out, faint wisps that vaguely resembled humans around a single glowing niveous core. The ghosts wore the scars of their deaths on them. White gashes and torn bodies stretched unnaturally as the dead drifted through the fog. I tried not to look, but Keris was keeping an eye on them.
"Those wounds weren't made by weapons. The edges aren't right." "I know. I've seen enough wounds in my time, but I don't think I've ever seen injuries like these... Keris, what could have done this?" I muttered. My knuckles had turned white on the hilt of my claymore and Keris's swords hung loosely in her hands. "I have no idea Raef, but I think we're out of our depth here." "We're all these people have Keris. We can't help them now, but we can't let them go without being avenged." Iron had stolen into my voice as I spoke and something must have stirred Keris with that speech. Deep within my soul, I felt a surge of pride and righteous anger, but I tamped it down. I couldn't let my emotions give rise to something that I couldn't control. It fought and a ghostly voice ran through my head, but I ignored it and it took on a sullen tone. Still, it didn't sink as deep as I would have liked. It still moved in response to the darkness I could feel in the shadows. "I miss Kang." "I wouldn't mind some back up either, but we can't let our 'fins get hurt." Keris sighed, "I know, but I'm not thrilled for us to get hurt either." She shot me a candid look, one of the few times I've ever seen her look vulnerable, but it lasted only an instant. "C'mon Raef, you want to live forever?" She smiled arrogantly and marched forward, skirting around the spirits. We stepped cautiously over fallen bodies, trying hard to keep our footing in the blood that slicked the streets. The haze didn't help and no light shone from above. Eventually the lights of the dead grew sparse. "The spirits are thinning out Raef, but the bodies aren't. Get ready, I think whatever did this is close."
"Such astute observations." A deep voice boomed from ahead. As we watched, the lambent glow of a spirit winked out and the darkness seemed to thicken, coalescing against the blackness around it. The voice itself was smooth, silky and sinister, and I could hear the smile in its tone. I fought to keep control, knowing what that voice would do to the spirit within. From out of the darkness, another ghost drifted forward, but as it approached, I could see it was being dragged. The darkness took shape, an enormous form with an elongated torso and arms that ended in ruby claws. It was smiling, its bottom jaw jutting forward to reveal tusks and as we watched, it lifted the spirit to its mouth and drank the ghost as if it were a fine wine. It's eyes shone briefly and the glow orbs around us burst to sudden life. Keris gasped and her swords whispered together. I fell into my stance, sword held tightly and its length gleaming.
It stood twice the size of a man, its horns, wings, and claws stained red with blood. Ebon skin glistened from its broad chest down to cloven hooves, its forearms covered in a twisting pattern that resembled nothing so much as viscera. Its presence was overpowering, the source of the oppressive atmosphere that we had mistaken since we came here. Darkness seemed to hang about him, even in the light. We stood in a square, bodies scattered across the ground and hung in busted windows. Rats casually gnawed on them, seemingly unconcerned with the massacre.
"My apologies. I didn't realize I should have left the lights on. I wasn't expecting visitors after all, but I'm so delighted to see you. I was growing bored of just feasting." "What the hell is it?" I asked, my voice strained from the effort of maintaining control in the face of this abomination. "What do you mean 'what is it?!" Keris hissed. "It's a demon."
I'd heard of them, but never seen one. They didn't exist on my home plane, but you couldn't learn of angels as I had without hearing of demons. Everything I'd heard was true, it seemed, creatures that were a bane to the living. Avatars of death and malevolence, imbued to their very essence with the dark mana of decay. Keris caught my eye and with a nod I signalled back. We had to kill this thing or it would just keep up its slaughter. We'd be the first of its new victims, but it likely wouldn't stop there.
With a swift and rehearsed move, we both dashed forward. Keris's swords slipped in and cut deep into the demon's thigh, my own sword singing as I swept in with an overhanded slash. Meat parted beneath its edge and a deep growl of pain and rage echoed in the square. The lights abruptly cut out, as if the demon's blood was darkness itself, now spilled into the air. I heard Keris scream and a heavy crash on the other side of the plaza. Then, everything turned into pain as my breastplate pierced my chest underneath and I went flying. I smashed into the wall and felt my ribs go. The edges of my vision were gray as I struggled to sit up in the fog swirling where I landed, my mind fuzzy with agony. Sharp burning pain accompanied every breath and my chest plate had been crushed. I reached up to unbuckle it and nearly passed out with the effort as sweat broke out across my forehead. The buckles finally let go and the armor crashed against the ground, leaving me only in my mail. It helped, but the pain hardly lessened. I fumbled at my belt for the signet I'd been given, a starburst behind an upraised fist. I closed my eyes and tried to center myself, shoving aside the pain as I called back the memories of the shining castles in the sky, the endless seas of emerald grass beneath them. The crisp sharp clarity of mana flooded my body and the metal underneath my hand grew hot and violent, firey mana stored in it from ages past coming forth in response to my call. I poured it into one of the few spells I knew, picturing the mana sliding along my injuries and sealing the breaks and gouges. By the time it was finished, I was breathing hard, but my mind was clear. I just wish it hadn't been.
While I'd been healing myself, Keris had been under the ministrations of the demon. Her screams tore at me and in the ghostly light, I saw its massive form stomping on her prone form, reaching down to rip at her body. I was across the square before I realized I was on my feet, my sword jammed to the hilt into the demons back and mana flooding my senses as the massive claymore burnt the monster's flesh. It stumbled away, taking my sword with it but leaving Keris. I fell to my knees next to her, trying to judge the worst of her injuries, but I felt my fury growing. My pulse raged and I felt surges of power cascading inside in time to it. My vision swam as I looked at her arm, bones shattered, twisted unnaturally. The sound of my sword hitting the ground on the other side of the square registered, but with deliberate intent, I pushed it aside and channeled the mana from the plazas of Ravnica above into the same healing spell I'd used on myself. The clatter of hooves on cobblestones drew my attention back to the present and I wheeled about, putting myself between the demon and Keris.
"What are you boy?" It looked curious, its horned head tilted as it approached me. "That spell was divine, something that should be outside the abilities of your kin. So I repeat, what are you?"
Unarmed, Keris barely alive, power coursing through my veins, and sure death staring at me. I only had one way to answer his question. I closed my eyes and let my inner chains slip free. Power swelled inside and my vision went white. As my consciousness waned, a beautiful and furious voice filled my mind. It spoke only a single word, but to me it sounded like a death knell.
Finally.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The soldier glowed and his demonic opponent rushed forward. His claws raked Raef, knocking him to his side. This is a quite sudden shift of tone, and it's a bit weird to adjust to at first. Raef grabbed the demon's arm and with a single strike, caved in the demon's chest, sending the beast stumbling back. It recovered and lowered its horns, charging the fallen warrior. Raef rose to his feet and raised his hands, catching the demon and throwing it into the side of the nearest building. What injuries remained on Raef's body shone briefly, half an instant at most, and then the light that escaped was contained just under his skin again. The demon tore himself free from the wall and roared. Raef raised his hand, running it through the air, carving a rune that hung brilliantly in the darkness. It fell like a rock onto the ground and a circle of white fire burnt into the stones around the pair of them, blasting away the debris the demon stood in. Raef's eye blazed fiercely, six wings of light suddenly coalescing upon his back, casting rainbows through the fog's vapor. With a single beat of his wings, Raefiel lifted into the sky.
"Finally. You have no idea how hard it is to see abominations like you walk the streets while I've been chained away," he said, his voice ringing like chimes as he spoke. I like the fact that Raefiel has the flair for language of Raef, but there's a sense of arrogance about him that Raef doesn't have. You're doing a good job of capturing the tones of the two aspects while keeping them linked. The angel's eye shone gold and runes inscribed themselves slowly in the burning circle. "I knew you were there, I could feel you out in the dark, but I couldn't do anything about your vulgar presence until now. I know the atrocities you've committed and it is time for you to pay. And after you have fallen, I will fly through the streets and put this place to right. Corruption runs like rain through these streets and it is long past time those wrongs be avenged."
"An angel. I should have known, you had the stink of the holy about you,.. but you don't burn like your sisters." The demon nervously moved about in place, staying well away from the boundaries of the circle, his wings twitching as the runes embellished themselves onto the cobbles. "Nothing like you has been in this pit. Where are you from? What magic wrought you?"
"The souls of good men wrought me. Not that you'd know anything of it. Crystal palaces were to be my home, but I was denied them by my other self. Something of the chaotic void burns in him and that has let him lock me deep in his soul. But I am patient." Raefiel snapped his wings and chains of light snapped from the circle's edge and wrapped tight about the demon's arms, pulling them wide. "And as you can see, that is all that I need. Eventually, I shall fly free and the worlds will burn with my righteous fury. Then, only the innocent and the righteous shall walk under my gaze." Quite the monologuer, isn't he? Part of me likes it, another part of me feels that it could be cropped down a bit. It's something to at least chew over and possibly play with.
The angel alit upon the ground and his wings collapsed inward, shining as a single pair as he strode majestically across the plaza. Raef's double handed sword lay on the ground and with a thought it found its way into Raefiel's hand. The blade seemed to absorb the light of the hand that held it, and it burnt away the darkness, its very presence causing the demon pain.
"For the crimes against the innocent, I sentence you to burn." Raefiel held out his hand and a bright bolt of alabaster fire streaked forward, crashing into the demon's chest and turning its wings to ash. Its ebon skin burnt and blistered under the beam, leaving ichor dripping from cracked and burnt flesh. "For the crimes against law, I sentence you to kneel before it," another beam lit the square and the demon's legs turned to smoke and shadow. The chains of light pulled the demon to it's ruined knees. "And for the crimes against the holy, I sentence you to death."
Raefiel lifted the claymore, shining brilliantly, and brought it down upon the demon's neck. It sheared through its horns and then bit into dark flesh, spilling dark blood that smoked on the blade and the ground. The angel sheathed his sword as the circle faded. For the first time, it seemed he noticed Keris laying aside. Her body was badly beaten and she stirred slightly as Raefiel stood above her. He laid his hand upon her head. "You defend the laws Keris. I shall not have you die while I am here." Light flowed from his hand, annointing the fallen guard. Her eyes parted slightly and her shallow breathing caught. "Raef?.." she whispered. "Never again." Raefiel smiled coldly. Tears welled in her eyes and Raefiel's eye flickered. His wings shed a feather and he shook violently. "NO! I will not be put back! You shall not have this day..." but even as he spoke, his beatific voice faltered and the feathers turned to naught but light once more. With his final act, the angel let out a spiteful laugh. "I feel the weight of your chains Raef, but one day you won't have the will to pull me back. You know it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I fell to my knees, landing heavily on Keris, hurt but no longer dying. The past few minutes was nothing but a blur of light and fire to me. Only one thing shone through the darkness as those memories faded. Keris was crying. I'd used that to claw my way back, to lock away Raefiel before his power consumed me. I was exhausted and it felt so good. As I passed out on top of my partner, I let out a weak laugh. At least I was human enough to pass out, and Keris had wanted me to get some sleep.
Still, Raefiel's final taunt chased me into oblivion. He was right. My only hope lay in finding other angels and praying they had answers.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.
No, wait
Hold on
Let me reemphasize that statement
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.
The more you went on the more gripping it got. You've really captured Raef and Raefiel well, and Raefiel is both compellingly noble and compellingly terrifying. The switch in the middle was a little rough at first, and kicked me out of the narrative at a point where I really don't think you want someone getting booted, but you brought things back quickly and the scene, as a whole, was quite nicely executed, as was Raef's return at the end (although perhaps his struggle could have been a couple of sentences longer?).
I have to admit, I wasn't really impressed with the first bit that you posted. It didn't have anything that grabbed my attention and I sort of put off reading this second part.
But I shouldn't have. This is extremely compelling. Aside from some nitpicky grammar and word choice things, it's a finely sculpted and very well-executed piece that really grips you. The ending left me feeling triumphant for Raef, but also sad and a little disturbed. Now I get what he struggles against. I'd really like to see more of this character, and where you end up going with him aught to be very interesting indeed.
I am both orderly and instinctive. I value community and group identity, defining myself by the social group I am a part of. At best, I'm selfless and strong-willed; at worst, I'm unoriginal and mindless.
The world perceives you as off your rocker, but that isn't true. You just make mental connections to things and don't entirely explain your thinking. So if you suddenly bring up birdhouses in geometry, you'll probably get some strange looks. You are rather impulsive but generally a good person.
@7_ate_9 what decks were they playing? We're you playing multi-player, or what exactly?
P.S. I hope you actually didn't... you know... do that with him and his friends. They're magic cards man, who knows what diseases they carry . You don't want to catch that stuff...
Within the Lightning's Blink_I will Cry for Vengeance.
@Keeper: The shift of perspective is a bit of a required evil to be honest. I don't intend to make it a regular thing, but since it's written in first person, I felt it really important to distinguish Raef from Raefiel in the entire narrative sense. Raefiel isn't telling this story, it's Raef. And yeah, the angel is an enormous HAM. That type of character usually likes to pontificate in normal circumstances, but Raefiel hasn't had a chance to do it in a long long time. As for Raef's untransformation (Is that a word? I don't care, I'll use it anyways!) it could probably stand to be a little longer, but part of the problem there is that it's a very internal struggle. Without getting all metaphysical and astral, it's a little hard to go into more detail. I mean, I certainly wanted to avoid the switchover struggle like some divine Gollum talking to Smeagle. That would have been even cheesier than *I* would want to try.
@Plague: I'm glad you liked it. I don't blame you for putting it off, I mean the first bit was only like a FOURTH of the total narrative, so I hadn't really done much more than lay the hook at that point. I have plans for the continuation of Legacies, but after that, I don't know what else I plan on doing with the character. His story won't be finished though, so if I ever get another idea sunk into my head, Raef will likely be one of the first characters I consider expanding upon. I'll try and go through again and comb through some more of the language. Lord knows you're never quite done editing any given piece once you've started. Incidentally, now that the secret is out, you can go hunt up his Dossier in the Archive Adjustment if you want to read more about him. The next chapter will cover essentially the same thing from a more personal view, but if you don't feel like you can wait...
@7: I don't think I'd use this character in an RP. I have no objections to him showing up, but I feel like his internal struggle would get old in a dynamic setting like an RP. Plus, letting Raefiel out would probably push a lot of people into the Godmode territory. The angel is like a freaking tactical nuke when it comes right down to it.
@Everyone: I am very amused by how often the word "compelling" was used to describe this. One of the things I'm most interested in is your opinions on my imagery. It's something that I've considered my strong suit, so I'm curious how evocative the story was in your minds. Incidentally, I'm also curious to know how many references you guys got. I plugged more than a few in. If you guys didn't notice them... well, that's actually fine. It means I used the source material well without it jumping out like Koth saying "That's a darksteel axe!"
I got none of the references. But then again I've only been playing since '08 and I tend to get sucked into narratives. I consider that a lack of attentiveness on my own part. Well, actually, I did get the Boros Signet part. The rest are a mystery.
Imagery in what sense? If you mean effectiveness in painting a scene and having the descriptions bloom in your reader's head naturally and vividly, then yes, you've got a knack for that, I think. I was able to see the settings and action sequences pretty clearly.
