The Derp Files

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Alright folks, it's that time of year again. Share the boneheaded plays you've seen in multiplayer games!

IMAGE(http://i829.photobucket.com/albums/zz212/FlawedParadigm/ThisisaStoryofaDerp.jpg)

The story here was that the top left player (Slivers) played a turn six Armageddon after double Cultivate - and never played another land, so must not have been holding back any (despite the dubs Cults.) He only had a single Bonescythe Sliver at the time, and his partner has the Ogre Battledriver

I, at the time, had out the visible Oracle of Mul Daya with a Khalni Heart Expedition out with a Forest plainly visible on top of my library. Without even considering the two land I had in hand (including Ugin), I was visibly guaranteed a three land recovery. The funny part is how close it came to being a good play; if he'd waited until AFTER I popped the Khalni, I might have been crippled.

Instead, in a Phyrexian Obliterator-like move, they ended the game (well, their AIs did after they ragequit two turns later) without a single permanent to their collective name.

Well derped, sirs.

Wizards: If it isn't game design, we can't do it right. Frankly, we're kind of shaky on the game design sometimes too.

I really thought this match would be an imminent loss for me, because he could just burn all the food my dragons would eat, to my surprise he never burned any goblins or saprolings. Then all the food I've stored up was eventually eaten and he couldn't burn something that big.
I was kind of hoping I would see myself here although I haven't been too bad. I did drink a bunch one night but it was mostly my partners miscasting stuff. Things like accidentally copying nothing or sending  a spell out that has no current effect. Nothing too major unless you want to count the 100 card decks which don't work for crap compared to last game where some of them worked.



Well I did play you a couple of times last week on 2013 under names other than my usual one, but you quit out early both times as soon as you started losing, so I didn't get any funny stories about misplays. Of course once my partner was playing CW (which you predictably complained about using words I can't repeat here) and the other I was using a non-CW deck spun at random, but you still dropped as soon as things started looking bad.

I didn't note any actual misplays without knowing what was in your had, just terrible sportsmanship. :p 

Wizards: If it isn't game design, we can't do it right. Frankly, we're kind of shaky on the game design sometimes too.

And please dude, terrible sportsmanship. Is this why I see every top 100 player almost en masse, literally almost everyone I can count, quit out on my wins 90% of the time. Cuz I think about 10% of top ranked players stay in game in all honesty. People simply don't have the time nor the need to wait out a match for CW to rep something great or counter all in existence while drawing 3/4 of its deck.

And of course on your super secret accounts that no one can knows you've never ever played and lost to me. Again, if you want to bring up competition than we'll do it and we'll play. But don't go run and hide now behind your secret names because that is just puerile. Seems you cannot face a loss knowing people on the forums know you. No other reason in heck to disguise yourself.



It wasn't your quitting that I was referring to as poor sportsmanship, it was the barrage of cussing and insults over peoples' deck choices - and there were no statements or requests made by you or your partner about what decks were and were not to be played.

Also, I don't have "super secret accounts." I just blank out my name here when I post because it has word(s) against the board terms of service, and I changed my name to play you because as I've stated multiple times, I don't want you personally knowing my Steam account name because you've sent me enough harassing PMs here. You beat me once several months ago, although that was a combination bad draw/bad partner on my end. I do lose games. Actually, about a third, if I include mana screws and the like. I've never claimed to win better than 65-70% or so unless I run into a string of idiots. Right now my wins are slightly higher because my usual partner hasn't gotten unlocks yet and the randoms I'm pairing up with, are, well, randumbs.

It's funny how you completely ignored the faint praise I gave you, though, just so you could make another (four paragraph!) jab at me, with your usual ineffectiveness in such matters.

Wizards: If it isn't game design, we can't do it right. Frankly, we're kind of shaky on the game design sometimes too.

Other team won quite easily last game. This game it seems they start fast as well. Phantasmal bear and his partner plays rancor on it instantly. Both go to graveyard. Little bit of silence on both ends followed by crap loads of "LOL, hahhaha, crap...".
The same game later on. One illusion present (flying one, cant recall the name) and his partner got pacified 3/3 green creature. He playes that sorcery +7/+7 and trample (I am sorry I am terrible with names). Looks like he realizes he can't target illusion again so he boost his pacified 3/3...Turn ends in silence. I nearly choke on laughter.
I want some Deathtouch dudes for Garruk's deck. DT is hilarious with Hunt the Weak and Enlarge.

Wizards: If it isn't game design, we can't do it right. Frankly, we're kind of shaky on the game design sometimes too.

second turn with chandra....you can probably guess where this is going!

I meant to Disintegrate that 1cost dude in the human deck and hand slipped and cast Final Fortune!! woooo! free card unlocks for the other team ><

many herps were derped at that moment

Another one I see quite often is an eldrazi player swinging into zombies when gravepact is out....killing his own eldrazis and his teamates flyers that would probably have killed us in 2 swings without a miracle draw....
second turn with chandra....you can probably guess where this is going!

I meant to Disintegrate that 1cost dude in the human deck and hand slipped and cast Final Fortune!! woooo! free card unlocks for the other team ><

many herps were derped at that moment

Another one I see quite often is an eldrazi player swinging into zombies when gravepact is out....killing his own eldrazis and his teamates flyers that would probably have killed us in 2 swings without a miracle draw....



Yeah, Grave Pact is the new Obliterator, I think. We have it last year, but in a dual coloured deck it was hard to cast in with fatties itself. Zombies are much more expendable.

Wizards: If it isn't game design, we can't do it right. Frankly, we're kind of shaky on the game design sometimes too.

As I mentioned in another thread, I've had my teammate cast Final Fortune on turn 2, multiple times.

Not as bad, I had my teammate Pacifism a turn 1 Champion of the Parish when I clearly had a Pillar of Flame and a Flamebreak in hand.

Mind you, I've only played like, 5 games of 2HG in 2014 so far...
I always love to see people throwing their deathtouchers on my Protean Hydra, happens way too many times. They always pause for a bit after it. I'm just sad that most players will eventually catch up.
Hi all, I want to give a quick reminder to please avoid displaying usernames when you post your stories (other than your own username). That said, keep the stories coming!

 

Sean Gibbons

Associate Community Manager

Official MTG Twitter: @Wizards_Magic Official MTGO Twitter: @MagicOnline

This one's just too good not to share.

I was playing random deck in player matches, and ended up in a mirror match with an opponent while playing the Dimir deck.  I was at 1 life and he was at 4.  We were both out of cards in hand after I had cast Sleep to tap down his Vengeful Vampire and Chittering Rats; next turn, I was to attack for the win.  

His turn.  Draws a card, takes a while to do anything, then I get a message while waiting:  "GG".

Okay, I thought, he drew a blank, cool.  It was a good and tight match, but I got him.

Then he plops down a Moroii.  In other words, he just shot that text to be cocky.  Ohhhhhh you.

Now my two lowly 2/2 creatures won't be able to smack for lethal before he kills me.  Of course, being the Dimir deck, I have a number of outs.  He passes the turn, and I draw one of them in the form of Beacon of Unrest.  I cast it, targeting the Vedalken Dismisser in his graveyard, bounce his Moroii, and swing for the win.  I could almost feel his smugness crumble from the other side of the line.

"gg", I replied.  His derp moment?  Taunting, especially with a victory that wasn't there yet.
Couldn't you have just swung with two 2/2s and let him die to his double-Moroii triggers? You didn't need outs from the info you gave!
You're right there; this must be my derp moment.  I screwed up something in the story.  He had that 3/2 flying, undying vampire already on the board, then dropped the Moroii after his message.  This happened two days ago, so when you mentioned that valid point, I had to really stop and think because I remember counting the damage from the triggers and my swing, and it would have left him at a single point.  I'll edit the story above.
Is accidentally casting Final Fortune the new Mind Control + Sword of Body and Mind from 2013's Dream Puppets?
Its only an accident if you went to the deck manager added them by mistake and then proceeded to cast it instead of another card.
I've had twice (against the AI, but anyway) cast Final Fortune counting on the damage my Kiln Fiend would bring to deal lethal only to take instant speed removal and lose the game.

Well, gotta take some risks sometimes.
Haha so much self backpatting going on by the OP in this thread. Also note how he's using the Demonic Master title even though as far as I can tell there are no demons in the game yet. He probably thinks he's so cool and clever. 

Rune Scarred Demon is in the game.

Guess you don't know very far. 


Ok yep I bet he used Mirror Entity. That surely explains why he's using the viral unlock avatar that isn't available yet.

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Yeah, he's really, really bad at being a troll, but it doesn't stop him. He just comes in, insults people (never in any way which has any basis in reality, that would take effort or knowledge), and then scoots off after getting owned.

Also, welcome back, 'Cat! 


You think you "owned" me? You need to get your head checked. 

Yeah, he's really, really bad at being a troll, but it doesn't stop him. He just comes in, insults people (never in any way which has any basis in reality, that would take effort or knowledge), and then scoots off after getting owned.

Also, welcome back, 'Cat! 


You think you "owned" me? You need to get your head checked. 




I don't see anywhere in that where I implicated myself in any such fashion. I was speaking only in general terms. Lots of people own you when you try trolling. As mentioned a few times, you're bad at it.

Wizards: If it isn't game design, we can't do it right. Frankly, we're kind of shaky on the game design sometimes too.

Yeah, he's really, really bad at being a troll, but it doesn't stop him. He just comes in, insults people (never in any way which has any basis in reality, that would take effort or knowledge), and then scoots off after getting owned.

Also, welcome back, 'Cat! 


You think you "owned" me? You need to get your head checked. 




I don't see anywhere in that where I implicated myself in any such fashion. I was speaking only in general terms. Lots of people own you when you try trolling. As mentioned a few times, you're bad at it.


and you're bad at existing in a social setting. Where are you going with this?

and you're bad at existing in a social setting. Where are you going with this?



Oh. So I get along with most everyone, everywhere, and I'm bad in social settings. You can't do anything but insult people and throw false accusations at them. I suppose you think you're good in social settings? ;)

Wizards: If it isn't game design, we can't do it right. Frankly, we're kind of shaky on the game design sometimes too.

You think you "owned" me? You need to get your head checked. 



*I* owned you. The ORCs just proved it.
You think you "owned" me? You need to get your head checked. 



*I* owned you. The ORCs just proved it.



He's got a purdy mouth, don't he?

Wizards: If it isn't game design, we can't do it right. Frankly, we're kind of shaky on the game design sometimes too.

You think you "owned" me? You need to get your head checked. 



*I* owned you. The ORCs just proved it.


Jumping into an argument with no valid points and calling someone a troll is owning? Amazing, there is so much owning going on on the internet.

Jumping into an argument with no valid points and calling someone a troll is owning? Amazing, there is so much owning going on on the internet.



So...doing the same thing you did, except there wasn't an argument until you made one using false information? Except you insinuated I was cheating when I was doing things legitimately instead of calling me a troll. Hypocrisy!

Which was dumb in the first place. If I openly admit to using the promos, why would I be sneaky about cheating if that's what I had been doing? Not only being sneaky, but being bad at it by posting a pic that would have given away (twice!) that I was doing so.

Wizards: If it isn't game design, we can't do it right. Frankly, we're kind of shaky on the game design sometimes too.

You think you "owned" me? You need to get your head checked. 



*I* owned you. The ORCs just proved it.


Jumping into an argument with no valid points and calling someone a troll is owning? Amazing, there is so much owning going on on the internet.



Wrong. You accused GoA of hacking files and cheating to get his titles etc. Most notably:
Haha so much self backpatting going on by the OP in this thread. Also note how he's using the Demonic Master title even though as far as I can tell there are no demons in the game yet. He probably thinks he's so cool and clever.


Ok yep I bet he used Mirror Entity. That surely explains why he's using the viral unlock avatar that isn't available yet.



Cultist Encounter + Stolen Identity = Demons
That response is no longer here because it would hurt your feelings.

So yeah.
Owned.

Your trolling attempt (seriously, that's what it was, false accusations all debunked and you're still here arguing over it) has failed.
Please, move along.
Jumping into an argument with no valid points and calling someone a troll is owning? Amazing, there is so much owning going on on the internet.

 

So...doing the same thing you did, except there wasn't an argument until you made one using false information? Except you insinuated I was cheating when I was doing things legitimately instead of calling me a troll. Hypocrisy!

Which was dumb in the first place. If I openly admit to using the promos, why would I be sneaky about cheating if that's what I had been doing? Not only being sneaky, but being bad at it by posting a pic that would have given away (twice!) that I was doing so.


Where did I insinuate you were cheating? I merely said that you probably think you look really cool by using the demonic master title and viral unlock avatar. And then calling out that other guy for conceding only to find out you were using some cheeser Crosswinds combo was lol.
Where did I insinuate you were cheating?

Haha so much self backpatting going on by the OP in this thread. Also note how he's using the Demonic Master title even though as far as I can tell there are no demons in the game yet. He probably thinks he's so cool and clever.



Ok yep I bet he used Mirror Entity. That surely explains why he's using the viral unlock avatar that isn't available yet.


"Demonic Master with 'no demons in the game'"?
"Viral Unlock that isn't available yet"?


Pretty loud and clear you are accusing him of cheating.


Where did I insinuate you were cheating?

Haha so much self backpatting going on by the OP in this thread. Also note how he's using the Demonic Master title even though as far as I can tell there are no demons in the game yet. He probably thinks he's so cool and clever.



Ok yep I bet he used Mirror Entity. That surely explains why he's using the viral unlock avatar that isn't available yet.


"Demonic Master with 'no demons in the game'"?
"Viral Unlock that isn't available yet"?


Pretty loud and clear you are accusing him of cheating.


Also, love your backpeddling as well. That's a nice touch.




I can't help but envision you as some little toddler trying to scream at the top of his lungs to get his point across.

Also, I insinuated that he hacked to get the title and avatar, teh same way that he got the promo cards. I never said that was cheating, just that it is a bush league move for people that need every edge they can get to get a few wins.
I can't help but envision you as some little toddler trying to scream at the top of his lungs to get his point across.


It's sad because this post has been quoted three times now and you still insist it means something other than it says.
Hence the big, bold, unmistakable font.

Also, I insinuated that he hacked to get the title and avatar, teh same way that he got the promo cards. I never said that was cheating, just that it is a bush league move for people that need every edge they can get to get a few wins.


You said he was cheating. It's right there in huge letters.
You also said he's cheating right here, that's what hacking is. Cheating.
You're accusing him over and over of cheating and still denying that you're saying it.

Your troll attempt failed.
Time to move on.
I can't help but envision you as some little toddler trying to scream at the top of his lungs to get his point across.



Even if this were the case, he has a point. More than can be said for you. ;)

Also, I insinuated that he hacked to get the title and avatar, teh same way that he got the promo cards. I never said that was cheating, just that it is a bush league move for people that need every edge they can get to get a few wins.



Which is ridiculous in that I only use them online with permission (and only for one deck, to test a control build) and am decently well-known for not caring about winning, losing, or rankings at all and gently making fun of people who do.

You are really, really bad at this.

Wizards: If it isn't game design, we can't do it right. Frankly, we're kind of shaky on the game design sometimes too.

I can't help but envision you as some little toddler trying to scream at the top of his lungs to get his point across.


It's sad because this post has been quoted three times now and you still insist it means something other than it says.
Hence the big, bold, unmistakable font.

Also, I insinuated that he hacked to get the title and avatar, teh same way that he got the promo cards. I never said that was cheating, just that it is a bush league move for people that need every edge they can get to get a few wins.


You said he was cheating. It's right there in huge letters.
You also said he's cheating right here, that's what hacking is. Cheating.
You're accusing him over and over of cheating and still denying that you're saying it.

Your troll attempt failed.
Time to move on.



You need a better grasp on the english language. Hacking does not equate to cheating. Look it up in the dictionary.
This just in; hacking is perfectly legitimate! Decades of gaming knowledge have just proven to be completely wrong! Quick, someone tell the internet - we need this old, outmoded idea that hacking is cheating to be dispelled immediately.

Wizards: If it isn't game design, we can't do it right. Frankly, we're kind of shaky on the game design sometimes too.

This just in; hacking is perfectly legitimate! Decades of gaming knowledge have just proven to be completely wrong! Quick, someone tell the internet - we need this old, outmoded idea that hacking is cheating to be dispelled immediately.



Sigh, another person that has no idea what hacking means.
So this thread, like so many others, seems dead then.  Could we lock this, and maybe someone could restart a thread for funny stories?  In the meantime, we could at least let threads that might actually still have some value to people rise to spots on the first page.
..."window.parent.tinyMCE.get('post_content').onLoad.dispatch();" contenteditable="true" />You need a better grasp on the english language. Hacking does not equate to cheating. Look it up in the dictionary.


Wow. I'm seriously having a hard time coming up with a response for this...

Um.

So.....

Hacking a video game is in no way shape or form cheating huh? Totally legit? People should do it because it's well within the rules? Wizards was completely out of line upping their Promo Code security because Hacking is completely acceptable?
You should totally sue them for that! They're denying us promo codes that we would have had if we were allowed to hack them!
I think you have a case here.

Nice to see things back to normal.
:-p

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain

Mastergear_Owen's take on Magic 2014 Campaign.

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You know what I've got more issues. Whats up with the story in this game? The adverts said I was going to team up with Chandra and we were going to kick butt and chew bubblegum across the planes on a revenge campaign against some... guy she knew I guess? Who's Ramaz anyway? What do I get instead? I beat Chandra like 2 minutes in with a mono-green stompy thing Garruk gave me (why does he keep giving all these new planeswalkers his deck) and then I spent like 5 hours jumping from plane to plane picking up random nicknacks for her mantlepiece while she sits back back doing her nails or something. I was thrown in jail! I got hit by a Roil Storm twice! Do you know how many rats are on Ravnica, Chandra? All of them! All of the rats! All of the rats eating me!

Then we go kick her Ex's bearded-screaming-butt and what does she do to help? Nothing! She throws of the occasional fire ball and spends her time trying not to freeze to death. You should have worn pants Chandra. While we're on the subject what happened to your shoes? You had like Steelies on. Steelies are cool. Now your running around with stupid boots with like 5-inch heels? Thats not appropriate footware for Planeswalking! That's not appropriate footware for normal walking! At least Liliana is doing it for the whole 'evil is sexy' thing and can summon undead to carry her when she breaks her ankle. What are you going to do ride a Phoenix? Its made of fire! You'll fall right through! Man I should have gone Planeswalking with Liliana - yeah she'd crack my head open with a rock 5 minutes in and raise my corpse to serve her but at least we could have gone dancing!

Now with more original content and open bar!

https://www.youtube.com/user/thedevilwuster

This just in; hacking is perfectly legitimate! Decades of gaming knowledge have just proven to be completely wrong! Quick, someone tell the internet - we need this old, outmoded idea that hacking is cheating to be dispelled immediately.



Sigh, another person that has no idea what hacking means.



Yeah, you've been misusing the term for most of the thread. For your benefit; hack into, Computers. to break into (a server, Web site, etc.) from a remote location to steal or damage data: Students are constantly trying to hack into their school server to change their grades.

You're bad enough at trying to troll. Please don't try to tell the Englishman with the English degree how to speak English. It will end poorly for you. 

Wizards: If it isn't game design, we can't do it right. Frankly, we're kind of shaky on the game design sometimes too.

Nice to see things back to normal. :-p


Hey, Devil's back.
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