1001 things I am not allowed to to in DnD anymore.

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What things did your DM veto?

#1) I cannot gain XP from creatively using the bad guy as a two handed weapon
#2) I cannot start the game married to the hot rouge without her consent
#3) I cannot say an action is realistic because "I saw it on Dragon Ball Z once"
#4) Not allowed to have "nudist" as a character trait
#5) I cannot make the bad guy into beef jerky and eat him while keeping my lawful good alignment
To be fair, if you just drop the lawful good thing, dragons make good eating.    Very hard to turn the red's into jerky though-- you usually need to be satisfied with steak tartare.
What things did your DM veto?



#6) I cannot play a pony.  Or a unicorn.  Or a pegasus. No matter how much I balance the stats for them.  Not even if I just refluff an existing race.

Very hard to turn the red's into jerky though-- you usually need to be satisfied with steak tartare.


Can't imagine why.  Authentic jerky is made by dehydrating the meat, not cooking it.  Ideally in cool, dry conditions.  I can't imagine red dragon flesh being especially hydroscopic.
Thinking about creating a race for 4e? Make things a lil' easier on yourself by reading my Race Mechanic Creation Guide first.
#7) I cannot purchase an inn and then burn it down for the insurance money.
#8) Same goes for castles.
9) Can't handle a council postion. The last time the party did this, we spent 3 hours discussing how to fix a village. Despite it only being a supportive role.

10) Can't play an old man.

11) Can't be a rogue.

12) We are not allowed to finish a campiagn prematurely. Either by murdering everyone else or retiring.

13) We are not allowed to have three assissins. After an incident in which they failed horribly at being assissins and ran away, leaving a entire bandit camp for the rest of the party to clear out and resulting in a mission failure.

14) Can't play as anything that cannot speak common/basic (more importent for star wars themed campiagns)

As for 6, fair enough. It links into 14, since one of the DM's hated wookies with a passion. It's one of those things that causes a gigantic spilt in the group.
#15) I cannot lick royalty, If I do, my intelligence will be lowered to 8

#16) A large great axe is not a ranged weapon, I dont care how big your strength/dex is

#17) I use a bag of holding thrown into a bag of holding as a nuclear black hole bomb to destroy the troll king.

#18) I cannot have the words "braided nipple hair" anywhere on my character description.
#19) I can not turn(i.e stat them and give unique abilites) fellow forum users into monsters for my campaign again.
#20) Not allowed to grapple a baby
I feel more sorry for your DMs than for you guys.
^^Thats the point entierly.

#21)"Do something big enough to force the DM to redraw his world map" is not the goal of this campaign
As for 6, fair enough. It links into 14, since one of the DM's hated wookies with a passion. It's one of those things that causes a gigantic spilt in the group.


You're thinking of the wrong kind of ponies.  Otherwise, you're spot on.
Thinking about creating a race for 4e? Make things a lil' easier on yourself by reading my Race Mechanic Creation Guide first.
As for 6, fair enough. It links into 14, since one of the DM's hated wookies with a passion. It's one of those things that causes a gigantic spilt in the group.


You're thinking of the wrong kind of ponies.  Otherwise, you're spot on.



Ahh, good good.

Even on a functional level though, a character that can't speak basic is a hinderance to the party in so many way. I played as a wookie once for half a campiagn after my character was killed because I didn't want to emotionally invest after my character died in my absence. As no one had wookie *and the only one who did, very rarely paid interest or translated it in a way that was postive to me*, so all I had to do when I wanted to talk was make a number of bellows. Needless to say when that campiagn ended, the rule was introduced so we wouldn't have to be in that situation. So there wouldn't be another member of the party that jarred against group dynamic/expectation.

Still had more character devoepment despite not uttering a single, conherrent sentance. Fun times. XD

 22) Post on these lists, so I end up giving others ideas...

 (It actually happened - first time this thread was posted after I joined the forum way back when, I got an email from a DM who "thanked" me for inadvertently introducing one of his players to the joys of alternate uses for Daern's Instant Fortress, or, as I used to refer to it, "The Holy Hand Grenade"...)

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I am the Magic Man.

(Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.)

 

I am the Lawnmower Man.

(I AM GOD HERE!)

 

I am the Skull God.

(Koo Koo Ka Choo)

 

There are reasons they call me Mad...

As a DM I have just one constant and unbreakable rule. Additional house rules for various campaigns may apply, but this one is inviolate.

23) the players cannot, under any circumstances, use a water-logged badger as a weapon of any sort. Any attempt to do so will automatically result in immediate and complete failure and most attempts wil result in severe repercussions to that player. Note that I said "player" and not "character". You have been warned!
#7) I cannot purchase an inn and then burn it down for the insurance money.
#8) Same goes for castles.

#20) Not allowed to grapple a baby


Lives worth living.
lel♯ jenk♯ ∞


I'm the world's leading astrophysicist. You can trust me, because I said I was.
92827575 wrote:
57092228 wrote:
What's wrong with my formating?
you make paragraphs shorter than the page width
58280978 wrote:
Names that sam said were "the evil ones":
iamajellydonut glwiley kreewlin and every WizO
#7) I cannot purchase an inn and then burn it down for the insurance money.
#8) Same goes for castles.

#20) Not allowed to grapple a baby


Lives worth living.


 There's an old saying amongst some of the local gamers - There are few problems in a roleplaying game that cannot be solved by the acquisition and strategic placement of a dead prostitute... Numerous potential CoC violations prevent me from discussing the origins of that phrase, lol.
 (One guy I played with, his character got a bag of holding and immediately turned it upside down and began shaking it, then said, "I thought these things all came with a dead kobold inside?" )

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I am the Magic Man.

(Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.)

 

I am the Lawnmower Man.

(I AM GOD HERE!)

 

I am the Skull God.

(Koo Koo Ka Choo)

 

There are reasons they call me Mad...

#24 - I can not use Shapechange to become Pelor.

#25 - The same applies to Wish and Miracle.
#26 I am not allowed to kill anything that looks at me funny.

#27 I will not be given enough explosives for a full structural demolition of any politically important landmark.
(#27.a I will not be given demolition grade explosives) 
((#27.b Setting everything on fire is not an alternative))
28.) Making a "Drunken Master" style character (Monk or otherwise) does not require my character to be completely shitfaced, no matter what the name (and fun interpretation) implies.
RIP George! 4-21-11 RIP Abie! 1-2-13
Funny Forum Quotes
[quote author=82733368 post=532127449]
58115148 wrote:
"You notice a large piece of mold clinging to your toothbrush. What do you do?" "I cast Fireball." "I run like hell!
63797881 wrote:
The standard d4 is somewhat (SOMEWHAT) rounded on the top, the older models are even flat. The Lego is shaped in such a way that in an emergency, you can use one as a makeshift surgical knife.
147742801 wrote:
57457938 wrote:
My wife asked me if her pants made her look fat. What do you think I said?
Wife: Do these pants make me look fat? RedSiegfried: I just killed a bunch of orc women and children.
63797881 wrote:
82733368 wrote:
28.) Making a "Drunken Master" style character (Monk or otherwise) does not require my character to be completely shitfaced, no matter what the name (and fun interpretation) implies.
29.) Making a "Drunken Master" style character does not require ME to be completely tanked, no matter how "in-character" I want to be..
28.) Making a "Drunken Master" style character (Monk or otherwise) does not require my character to be completely shitfaced, no matter what the name (and fun interpretation) implies.



29.) Making a "Drunken Master" style character does not require ME to be completely tanked, no matter how "in-character" I want to be..
So many PCs, so little time...
28.) Making a "Drunken Master" style character (Monk or otherwise) does not require my character to be completely shitfaced, no matter what the name (and fun interpretation) implies.



29.) Making a "Drunken Master" style character does not require ME to be completely tanked, no matter how "in-character" I want to be..



...Sig'd.

That should be a rule though, like Rule 1 in the PHB.
RIP George! 4-21-11 RIP Abie! 1-2-13
Funny Forum Quotes
[quote author=82733368 post=532127449]
58115148 wrote:
"You notice a large piece of mold clinging to your toothbrush. What do you do?" "I cast Fireball." "I run like hell!
63797881 wrote:
The standard d4 is somewhat (SOMEWHAT) rounded on the top, the older models are even flat. The Lego is shaped in such a way that in an emergency, you can use one as a makeshift surgical knife.
147742801 wrote:
57457938 wrote:
My wife asked me if her pants made her look fat. What do you think I said?
Wife: Do these pants make me look fat? RedSiegfried: I just killed a bunch of orc women and children.
63797881 wrote:
82733368 wrote:
28.) Making a "Drunken Master" style character (Monk or otherwise) does not require my character to be completely shitfaced, no matter what the name (and fun interpretation) implies.
29.) Making a "Drunken Master" style character does not require ME to be completely tanked, no matter how "in-character" I want to be..
30.) Players can NOT use "Charm, Suggestion, Command, Thrall" or any similar effect to demand sexual favors. Even if the aggressor gets a natural 20 and the defender a natural 1.

Within; Without.

31) Players are not allowed to amass a kobold army through use of Disguise Self and Bluff.
32) Players are not allowed to use diplomacy check on every NPC just because their diplomacy
skill is over 9000.  
33) We cannot, as a 6 person party, play 6 different exotic races, inc/pixie, ogre, githayki, elf, and dragon, just because we have a half-baked explanation of how we all met ("well, see there was this old mage dude who was collecting us and other specimens for his "zoo," and we all escaped together, and just sort of, I dunno, 'bonded'....")
34) We cannot detour every time it is apparent we are about to go into an area the DM spent a great deal of time creating, just because its "funny" to watch the DM 's veins on his neck almost explode.   EDIT: implode.
35) I cannot try to bluff the doppleganger into thinking he really is the character he just killed ("dude, you're under a spell, obviously, that's why you *think* you're a doppleganger..."), and that the dead PC was in fact the doppleganger, even if we roll a 20 and he rolls a 1.  And then get him to "pretend" to be the doppleganger to his buddies so we can infiltrate and kill them all.
36) We cannot ALWAYS fail to have readied heals, stand in the fire, rogue face-tank, and attack EVERYTHING we see then complain to the DM when we wipe, saying "dude, that wasn't even a fair fight."


33) We cannot, as a 6 person party, play 6 different exotic races, inc/pixie, ogre, githayki, elf, and dragon, just because we have a half-baked explanation of how we all met ("well, see there was this old mage dude who was collecting us and other specimens for his "zoo," and we all escaped together, and just sort of, I dunno, 'bonded'....")



Wow.  I would give the players 50 experience points for their efforts, and welcome their exotic group into my lands.


34) We cannot detour every time it is apparent we are about to go into an area the DM spent a great deal of time creating, just because its "funny" to watch the DM 's veins on his neck almost explode.   EDIT: implode.



And, you don't want the DM to make sure your ranger with Favored Enemy: Dragons never encounters them, or your cleric never has undead to turn, or that your character with 20 ranks in Jump never has a 20 foot pit. Right?



35) I cannot try to bluff the doppleganger into thinking he really is the character he just killed ("dude, you're under a spell, obviously, that's why you *think* you're a doppleganger..."), and that the dead PC was in fact the doppleganger, even if we roll a 20 and he rolls a 1.  And then get him to "pretend" to be the doppleganger to his buddies so we can infiltrate and kill them all.



This one is kinda funny, but I might allow you to "hire" the doppleganger against his boss. If the doppleganger thinks A) you will let him live, B) life will be better serving you than current boss, then why not?  The doppleganger would ask for more than just gold, it would want a permanant contract, and offer 100% loyalty, that if they keep this creature alive til the end of the game, it will begin doing jobs for you.


36) We cannot ALWAYS fail to have readied heals, stand in the fire, rogue face-tank, and attack EVERYTHING we see then complain to the DM when we wipe, saying "dude, that wasn't even a fair fight."



Wow. Just wow.  I once had a player attack the emperor in his throne room and get mad when he was promptly arrested and executed. Some actions just don't yield fruitful results.

Within; Without.

yeah, #33 kinda irked me, but if the other two are from the same DM, that poor guy has a lot to deal with and maybe just wanted to kerb the crazines.

 
28.) Making a "Drunken Master" style character (Monk or otherwise) does not require my character to be completely shitfaced, no matter what the name (and fun interpretation) implies.



29.) Making a "Drunken Master" style character does not require ME to be completely tanked, no matter how "in-character" I want to be..



...Sig'd.

That should be a rule though, like Rule 1 in the PHB.

Definitely should not be limited to people playing Drunken Masters, though.
"The real purpose of socialism is precisely to overcome and advance beyond the predatory phase of human development." -Albert Einstein Resident Left Hand of Stalin and Banana Stand Grandstander Half of the Ambiguously Gay Duo House of Trolls, looking for a partner Wondering what happened to the Star Wars forums?
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Star Wars Minis has a home here http://www.bloomilk.com/ and Star Wars Saga Edition RPG has a home here http://thesagacontinues.createaforum.com/index.php
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141722973 wrote:
And it wasn't ****. It was subjectively concensual sex.
57036828 wrote:
Marketing and design are two different things. For instance the snuggy was designed for people in wheel chairs and marketed to people that are too incompetent to operate a blanket.
75239035 wrote:
I personally don't want him decapitated.
141722973 wrote:
And do not call me a Yank. I am a Québecois, basically your better.
And the greatest post moderation of all time...
58115148 wrote:
I gave that (Content Removed) a to-scale Lego replica. (Content Removed) love to-scale Lego replicas. (ORC_Cerberus: Edited - Vulgarity is against the Code of Conduct)

35) I cannot try to bluff the doppleganger into thinking he really is the character he just killed ("dude, you're under a spell, obviously, that's why you *think* you're a doppleganger..."), and that the dead PC was in fact the doppleganger, even if we roll a 20 and he rolls a 1.  And then get him to "pretend" to be the doppleganger to his buddies so we can infiltrate and kill them all.



Hey!  Wasn't that the plot for NBCs last seasion of Heroes?

;)
37) I cannot try to get the guards drunk and seduce them to get info, no matter how high my Charisma is That was from an online game.
"The real purpose of socialism is precisely to overcome and advance beyond the predatory phase of human development." -Albert Einstein Resident Left Hand of Stalin and Banana Stand Grandstander Half of the Ambiguously Gay Duo House of Trolls, looking for a partner Wondering what happened to the Star Wars forums?
Show
Star Wars Minis has a home here http://www.bloomilk.com/ and Star Wars Saga Edition RPG has a home here http://thesagacontinues.createaforum.com/index.php
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141722973 wrote:
And it wasn't ****. It was subjectively concensual sex.
57036828 wrote:
Marketing and design are two different things. For instance the snuggy was designed for people in wheel chairs and marketed to people that are too incompetent to operate a blanket.
75239035 wrote:
I personally don't want him decapitated.
141722973 wrote:
And do not call me a Yank. I am a Québecois, basically your better.
And the greatest post moderation of all time...
58115148 wrote:
I gave that (Content Removed) a to-scale Lego replica. (Content Removed) love to-scale Lego replicas. (ORC_Cerberus: Edited - Vulgarity is against the Code of Conduct)
#38- My DM didn't like it when I had my lady gnome lift up her skirt and show her fun bits to every guard that wouldn't let her get past in hopes of seducing him. No matter how high her charisma was.
#39- When I tell you that you don't see anything for miles around in any direction that doesn't mean you keep flying higher asking me the same question 5-10 times. 
Gag, what do you expect your dm to say? The guards drop their pants, and take turns on your pc? Sheesh. I npt sure seducing guard to get past is a good idea really...unless you willing to play it through...which I doubt any dm would enjoy describing. Lol
#40 I'm not allowed to stab shop owners to "create a better bargaining position."
#41. My players are not allowed to play as a Pyrophobic Flamekin or an Arachnophobic Drider.

Within; Without.

#40 I'm not allowed to stab shop owners to "create a better bargaining position."


Sounds like something that can perfectly well be handled in game. I am thinking an active sherifs department, wanted poster, reward, and of course the finale: your PCs execution on the market square.
#40 I'm not allowed to stab shop owners to "create a better bargaining position."


Sounds like something that can perfectly well be handled in game. I am thinking an active sherifs department, wanted poster, reward, and of course the finale: your PCs execution on the market square.




But then your players get mad and say you are blocking them from what "my character would do".

That said, when a character finds a wanted poster of themselves, it can start a great game.

Within; Without.

#40 I'm not allowed to stab shop owners to "create a better bargaining position."


Sounds like something that can perfectly well be handled in game. I am thinking an active sherifs department, wanted poster, reward, and of course the finale: your PCs execution on the market square.


But then your players get mad and say you are blocking them from what "my character would do".

That said, when a character finds a wanted poster of themselves, it can start a great game.


I do not want to block characters from doing what they want to do. But as a DM, I do hold the right to have the world I created respond to their actions. 
#40 I'm not allowed to stab shop owners to "create a better bargaining position."


Sounds like something that can perfectly well be handled in game. I am thinking an active sherifs department, wanted poster, reward, and of course the finale: your PCs execution on the market square.


But then your players get mad and say you are blocking them from what "my character would do".

That said, when a character finds a wanted poster of themselves, it can start a great game.


I do not want to block characters from doing what they want to do. But as a DM, I do hold the right to have the world I created respond to their actions. 



Isn't it unfair to determine that your world defeats the PCs? A game should have more than fifty percent odds in favor of the player unless explicitly requested, I'd guess. (Rebelling against the system is at worst -implicit-; it is more commonly a popular plot move, no?)


That said, when a character finds a wanted poster of themselves, it can start a great game.



Dang dopplegangers again!
Isn't it unfair to determine that your world defeats the PCs? A game should have more than fifty percent odds in favor of the player unless explicitly requested, I'd guess. (Rebelling against the system is at worst -implicit-; it is more commonly a popular plot move, no?)



The world will (and should) respond to player actions. This means the city guards should be able to protect the city. If they "can't" then the city has a painfully weak military that couldn't withstand an invasion of a hippie drum circle. Besides, if the world isn't allowed to have a "sufficient response" isn't the DM being "blocked"? Doesn't it add credibility and believability to the world if it has such guardians?

Some players want a world made of glass, I suppose. Easy to break, no action has meaningful consequences. Those consequences can indeed involve different "provoked" parts of the world turning against them. That isn't blocking, because then you could say it is blocking for me to have a monster strong enough or smart enough to kill you. Then it becomes blocking to place anything in the game able to "respond" to you. Eventually, it becomes blocking to tell you that your level 1 fighter cannot cast Wish.

This all gets back to session zero, though right? One of the first things I bring up is table rules and behavior, and I can smell a pile of malarkey a mile away. Toxic players never make it through my session zero. If a player goes a dumb, immature, "full rage", twink mode, I call it out. I define such behavior as "Going Full Tard. Never go Full Tard." (Tropical Thunder). 

Now, about "the world killing the player" - I agree with you that "the world" should never be out to kill the player. However, the world has to be dangerous. If the world is dangerous, then you have to ask if its really blocking to bring the kid gloves when the players are bringing +5 vorpal longswords.

Within; Without.

Isn't it unfair to determine that your world defeats the PCs? A game should have more than fifty percent odds in favor of the player unless explicitly requested, I'd guess. (Rebelling against the system is at worst -implicit-; it is more commonly a popular plot move, no?)



The world will (and should) respond to player actions. This means the city guards should be able to protect the city. If they "can't" then the city has a painfully weak military that couldn't withstand an invasion of a hippie drum circle. Besides, if the world isn't allowed to have a "sufficient response" isn't the DM being "blocked"? Doesn't it add credibility and believability to the world if it has such guardians?

Some players want a world made of glass, I suppose. Easy to break, no action has meaningful consequences. Those consequences can indeed involve different "provoked" parts of the world turning against them. That isn't blocking, because then you could say it is blocking for me to have a monster strong enough or smart enough to kill you. Then it becomes blocking to place anything in the game able to "respond" to you. Eventually, it becomes blocking to tell you that your level 1 fighter cannot cast Wish.

This all gets back to session zero, though right? One of the first things I bring up is table rules and behavior, and I can smell a pile of malarkey a mile away. Toxic players never make it through my session zero. If a player goes a dumb, immature, "full rage", twink mode, I call it out. I define such behavior as "Going Full Tard. Never go Full Tard." (Tropical Thunder). 

Now, about "the world killing the player" - I agree with you that "the world" should never be out to kill the player. However, the world has to be dangerous. If the world is dangerous, then you have to ask if its really blocking to bring the kid gloves when the players are bringing +5 vorpal longswords.



I think you're misinterpreting me a bit. My issue is the idea that the 100% outcome of a player breaking the law is imprisonment and execution. Yes, there should be resistance, and the resistance should definitely come in (given an urban area with a reasonably strong government) the form of an organized group attempting to capture or incapacitate the PCs. But it should -still- be a game; the players should have a reasonable chance to escape or out-fight the pursuers, depending on their gameplay inclination. It should be a challenge, not an execution, up until a player does something that has -already- been established to be deserving of an execution, and not just in the DM's secret notes.
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