[GAME] How do I put it all into cards...?

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Last post
It is madness.
MADNESS!
Maybe.
I think.
Is it?
Really? REALLY?!
...
...
Maybe it is, but I am going with it.
Here it is. For the next 24 hours post whatever you want here. Talk about things, have debates, mock battles, whatever! As long as it doesn't go too far in certain directions. This period ends 6:00 P.M. MST tomorrow. Then for the next 24 hours I must make cards based on the posts in this thread. (And I am really opening myself up to the critics on this part...) Then feel free to comment on the cards I post and say what you think I should have done on the cards or events I missed.

And for those of you wondering, yes I did get this idea from the crazy all that happened posts on Pablo's Hit me with anything other than card requests thread.

(I wonder how much my brain will be fried after this...)

GO!!!
let's just all post nothing so he has to make cards about that

http://nogoblinsallowed.com/

one twelve days over maybe I can do another fifteen days over... hope so
I challenge Shazzeh to a duel!
*Pulls out fencing sword. Slaps in face with glove.
Have at me, sir! Ya! :Fight:

Show
Upon the day that dragons were born, so to was the first white wig worn, by men who wished to make the world theirs, and in the process sorcery tears - the very fabric of space and time, dragging the dragons right into their prime, these monstrous beasts in philosophical mansions, stood right in the way of colonial expansions. To break these beasts a hero must be found, a hero of the future who can stand the sound - of centuries past and voices unfettered, and someone who'll carve dragon graves lettered - R, I, and P the three sacred symbols, that curse the dead to a land without gimbals. A land they'll never leave, because escape cannot conceive - itself, out of the grip of this mustachio'd hero, a Roosevelt who is comparable to zero. Family crest tattooed on his chest, the baddest m****rf****r this side of the West. And to the dismay of the colonial fools, their futuristic hero had to play by the rules, and the hero chosen by the dragons themselves, they summoned with a tome pulled from dusty shelves. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn, or so they said, as their dragon tails were waggin'. And up from the depths, as the earth shook, the Oldest of Ones opened eyes for a look - at the battle that was about to be waged, the human champion that stood enraged - on the precipice between hither and yon, to battle this most eldritch scion. And with that, the tension was broken, the combat began, and each soul had spoken - its very last words, because as soon as time had started, so to had it ended, and sentience departed.
You're screwed.
I challenge Shazzeh to a duel!
*Pulls out fencing sword. Slaps in face with glove.
Have at me, sir! Ya! :Fight:


http://nogoblinsallowed.com/



Surely you don't think you can best me! 

Show
Upon the day that dragons were born, so to was the first white wig worn, by men who wished to make the world theirs, and in the process sorcery tears - the very fabric of space and time, dragging the dragons right into their prime, these monstrous beasts in philosophical mansions, stood right in the way of colonial expansions. To break these beasts a hero must be found, a hero of the future who can stand the sound - of centuries past and voices unfettered, and someone who'll carve dragon graves lettered - R, I, and P the three sacred symbols, that curse the dead to a land without gimbals. A land they'll never leave, because escape cannot conceive - itself, out of the grip of this mustachio'd hero, a Roosevelt who is comparable to zero. Family crest tattooed on his chest, the baddest m****rf****r this side of the West. And to the dismay of the colonial fools, their futuristic hero had to play by the rules, and the hero chosen by the dragons themselves, they summoned with a tome pulled from dusty shelves. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn, or so they said, as their dragon tails were waggin'. And up from the depths, as the earth shook, the Oldest of Ones opened eyes for a look - at the battle that was about to be waged, the human champion that stood enraged - on the precipice between hither and yon, to battle this most eldritch scion. And with that, the tension was broken, the combat began, and each soul had spoken - its very last words, because as soon as time had started, so to had it ended, and sentience departed.
A phyrexianized Kamigawa legend.

A perfect mechanical representation of a rabbit.

Make the "one" that Phyrexians talk about when they say "All wil be one".

A national holiday.
You're screwed.


Mana Screw
~Urza's Taco Shack

~A card to represent the MacGuffin of the Dragon's Maze storyline.

~College age Jock Garruk

~Jaya Ballard ascended to Planeswalker status.  MAKE HER A *FUNCTIONAL* RED PLANESWALKER.

~Chainsword equipment.

~A Neckbeard Planeswalker.

~Alien Abduction, with much probing

~Ravnica Bikini Contest

  • A demon/Angel duo that comprise one card like Tibor and Lumia - doesn't have to resemble them in any other way though.

  • A girrafeomancer

  • A card that represents vanity.

  • A charm bracelet.

  • A representation of my avatar.

¿Que?

¿Quien hablara español conmigo? 
"I think me going Bang bang bang I win is pretty intuitive" Mafia Record: Wouldn't you like to know? 2011 Mafia Awards - Mastermind of the Year
mymoment
\
57817638 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
88318561 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
Moriok Rigger does absolutely nothing to boost other riggers. You are incorrect.
Moriok Rigger is not a Rigger in print. Only in Errata WHAT NOW! (yes, I did put that phrase in for that exact reason)
Congratulations, they have activated your trap card!

  • Confusion caused by  atranslation error.

  • A plant that gets its nutrients from the air.

¿Que?

¿Quien hablara español conmigo? 

Ja, yo puedo hablar tranquilamente español. :P
"The body is but a vessel for the soul, a puppet which bends to the soul's tyranny. And lo, the body is not eternal, for it must feed on the flesh of others, lest it return to the dust from whence it came. Therefore must the soul deceive, despise and murder men."The Durai Papers

So I'm kind of disappointed that the M:EM sibling project M:EM:NSFW has so few submissions. (Heh. Submission.)

Let's write some steamy romance.

Or draw it, whatever.

Or maybe just suggest card prompts that double as slashfic prompts?



Or maybe I'll just post some rambling analysis of how my artwork reflects but also deconstructs different concepts in Gnosticism.



This thread's gonna get wrecked. 
Coming Soon to the Magic: Expanded Multiverse: FRAGMENTS: A Shards of Alara Anthology
(Click through to view the cover and announcement page)Want to get your work in the Expanded Multiverse? Come join the project! Oh, and check out my blog, Storming the Ivory Tower: making sense of academia, media, and culture twice weekly.
¿Que?

¿Quien hablaré ( ) español conmigo? 

Ja, yo puedo hablar tranquilamente español. :P


No puedo, pero pienso Shockwave es peor. ;)
"I think me going Bang bang bang I win is pretty intuitive" Mafia Record: Wouldn't you like to know? 2011 Mafia Awards - Mastermind of the Year
mymoment
\
57817638 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
88318561 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
Moriok Rigger does absolutely nothing to boost other riggers. You are incorrect.
Moriok Rigger is not a Rigger in print. Only in Errata WHAT NOW! (yes, I did put that phrase in for that exact reason)
Congratulations, they have activated your trap card!

Or draw it, whatever.


Oh goodness. I could make some really gross things.






Also, I have an unfinished duel with Chaos. Keeper never graded my card. ELEGAUNTLET! 

139359831 wrote:
That is a lovely painting of Richard Garfield. It really brings out his feminine side.
Post ANYTHING? And you'll make a card....of ANYTHING? Really?

Well...you asked for it...

This video. Right here.

All cards I make have artists credited in the appropriate places. Artist names in "quotes" are DeviantArt usernames unless otherwise mentioned.

"I play a Grave Betrayal. I get all your dead things now, mwahahahaha!"
"Okay. I play a Phage the Untouchable. Piss me off and I will sac it."
"... ... ... so guys, remind me again how to sac my own enchantments?"

May as well do the whole thing.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuOvqeABHvQ

Yeah...I just wanted to post the bleeding **** video...but if you really wanted to screw with Shockwave, that'd be the way to do it.

All cards I make have artists credited in the appropriate places. Artist names in "quotes" are DeviantArt usernames unless otherwise mentioned.

"I play a Grave Betrayal. I get all your dead things now, mwahahahaha!"
"Okay. I play a Phage the Untouchable. Piss me off and I will sac it."
"... ... ... so guys, remind me again how to sac my own enchantments?"

May as well do the whole thing.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuOvqeABHvQ

Yeah...I just wanted to post the bleeding **** video...but if you really wanted to screw with Shockwave, that'd be the way to do it.


Sir I am aghast. Why would you accuse me of such a thing?
May as well do the whole thing.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuOvqeABHvQ

Yeah...I just wanted to post the bleeding **** video...but if you really wanted to screw with Shockwave, that'd be the way to do it.


Sir I am aghast. Why would you accuse me of such a thing?


I was not accusing you of anything, my good man. I was merely speaking in hypothetical terms. I know you would never want to mess with anyone, especially not Shockwave, just as I would not...

Now, please enjoy these wonderful excerpts from the fiftyshadesgenerator.com Website, a very respectable page if I do say so myself.

Fifty Shades
Some girls are happy just to flick the bean when they're alone, but I can't get off without having a gerbil in my cod crater and a squash up my black hole. If I don't strum the banjo to get my **** batter sliming from my wunder down under, his blind butler is going to leave my panty hamster resembling a ripped out fireplace. My throat was so full of pink tractor beam and gentleman's relish, the love mayonnaise was flowing down my chin and onto my cans. With his brie baton hammering deep into my spunk dungeon, the sensation of his turgid terror truncheon smashing my cervix made me quake like a **** dog. After having my shame portal plowed, he then proceeded to hammer my turd cutter.


Fifty-One Shades
If I don't get a stinky pinky to get my beige slime oozing from my whispering eye, his master of ceremonies is going to leave my open-faced ham sandwich resembling a rabid baboon's arse. Some girls are happy just to dial the rotary phone when they're alone, but I can't get off without having an egg timer in my penis pothole and a lightbulb up my rusty bullet hole. The feeling of his ectoplasm draining down my throat got my tuna tunnel tears flowing quicker than greased **** off a shiny shovel. With my lunchmeat now much like that bathroom door in The Shining, he thought it was time to start shoving my puckered brown eye. Is now the time to tell him I really need to curl a sewer trout, I wondered? My mouth was so full of balony pony and steamin' ****, the ectoplasm was slobbering down my chin and onto my chesticles.


Fifty-Two Shades
After having my gaping clam cavern hammered, he then proceeded to plow my chocolate starfish. I can't wait to devour the magician's wax from his spam javelin. With his all-beef thermometer pounding deep into my shame portal, the sensation of his spunk-filled spam rocket smashing my cervix made me quiver like Vanessa Feltz's diesel-powered vibrator. The mixture of Mr. Hanky and man fat in my chocolate starfish created the delicious sphincter sauce that he was so fond of. Within no time, I could feel the **** steamin' **** dripping from my puckered brown eye and all over my roast beef platter.

All cards I make have artists credited in the appropriate places. Artist names in "quotes" are DeviantArt usernames unless otherwise mentioned.

"I play a Grave Betrayal. I get all your dead things now, mwahahahaha!"
"Okay. I play a Phage the Untouchable. Piss me off and I will sac it."
"... ... ... so guys, remind me again how to sac my own enchantments?"

CCDDE
56544366 wrote:
If a card works well in Standard, does fun but not totally broken things in Modern, and gets stupid in Legacy, I call that designing for everyone's enjoyment.

Or draw it, whatever.


Oh goodness. I could make some really gross things.






Also, I have an unfinished duel with Chaos. Keeper never graded my card. ELEGAUNTLET! 

I totally forgot about that. Did Chaos ever submit her card? Wasn't that around the time I got banned? That's my excuse.

@IMP:

Are you sure you didn't just get Nephrolith to write those paragraphs for you? :P



OH MY GOD I SHOULD GET NEPH TO WRITE SLASHFIC THIS IS THE BEST IDEA I HAVE EVER HAD [rushes off to do that]
Coming Soon to the Magic: Expanded Multiverse: FRAGMENTS: A Shards of Alara Anthology
(Click through to view the cover and announcement page)Want to get your work in the Expanded Multiverse? Come join the project! Oh, and check out my blog, Storming the Ivory Tower: making sense of academia, media, and culture twice weekly.
Real men hold shift. If everyone has their fingers in the pie, then someone is eating fingers.
@IMP:

Are you sure you didn't just get Nephrolith to write those paragraphs for you? :P



OH MY GOD I SHOULD GET NEPH TO WRITE SLASHFIC THIS IS THE BEST IDEA I HAVE EVER HAD [rushes off to do that]


And by "best idea", you mean "holy crap, this can either be amazing or completely horrifying", right?

All cards I make have artists credited in the appropriate places. Artist names in "quotes" are DeviantArt usernames unless otherwise mentioned.

"I play a Grave Betrayal. I get all your dead things now, mwahahahaha!"
"Okay. I play a Phage the Untouchable. Piss me off and I will sac it."
"... ... ... so guys, remind me again how to sac my own enchantments?"

@IMP:

Are you sure you didn't just get Nephrolith to write those paragraphs for you? :P



OH MY GOD I SHOULD GET NEPH TO WRITE SLASHFIC THIS IS THE BEST IDEA I HAVE EVER HAD [rushes off to do that]


And by "best idea", you mean "holy crap, this can either be amazing or completely horrifying", right?


The two are not mutually exclusive. Your quotes are also off.

And, Keeper, it was so way before that. I was gone for a few months and the drama over your banning was just dying down when I came back. The Elegauntlet occured before I left.

139359831 wrote:
That is a lovely painting of Richard Garfield. It really brings out his feminine side.
@IMP:

Are you sure you didn't just get Nephrolith to write those paragraphs for you? :P



OH MY GOD I SHOULD GET NEPH TO WRITE SLASHFIC THIS IS THE BEST IDEA I HAVE EVER HAD [rushes off to do that]


And by "best idea", you mean "holy crap, this can either be amazing or completely horrifying", right?


The two are not mutually exclusive. Your quotes are also off.

And, Keeper, it was so way before that. I was gone for a few months and the drama over your banning was just dying down when I came back. The Elegauntlet occured before I left.


Please fix the quotes.

139359831 wrote:
That is a lovely painting of Richard Garfield. It really brings out his feminine side.
@IMP:

Are you sure you didn't just get Nephrolith to write those paragraphs for you? :P



OH MY GOD I SHOULD GET NEPH TO WRITE SLASHFIC THIS IS THE BEST IDEA I HAVE EVER HAD [rushes off to do that]


And by "best idea", you mean "holy crap, this can either be amazing or completely horrifying", right?


The two are not mutually exclusive. Your quotes are also off.

And, Keeper, it was so way before that. I was gone for a few months and the drama over your banning was just dying down when I came back. The Elegauntlet occured before I left.

Dammit.

I don't know how I missed that then. Like I said, I thought Chaos never submitted her card. 
Coming Soon to the Magic: Expanded Multiverse: FRAGMENTS: A Shards of Alara Anthology
(Click through to view the cover and announcement page)Want to get your work in the Expanded Multiverse? Come join the project! Oh, and check out my blog, Storming the Ivory Tower: making sense of academia, media, and culture twice weekly.
@IMP:

Are you sure you didn't just get Nephrolith to write those paragraphs for you? :P



OH MY GOD I SHOULD GET NEPH TO WRITE SLASHFIC THIS IS THE BEST IDEA I HAVE EVER HAD [rushes off to do that]


And by "best idea", you mean "holy crap, this can either be amazing or completely horrifying", right?


The two are not mutually exclusive. Your quotes are also off.

And, Keeper, it was so way before that. I was gone for a few months and the drama over your banning was just dying down when I came back. The Elegauntlet occured before I left.

Dammit.

I don't know how I missed that then. Like I said, I thought Chaos never submitted her card. 

BROKEN QUOTES FOR SUMMER
BROKEN QUOTES FOR EVER 
Coming Soon to the Magic: Expanded Multiverse: FRAGMENTS: A Shards of Alara Anthology
(Click through to view the cover and announcement page)Want to get your work in the Expanded Multiverse? Come join the project! Oh, and check out my blog, Storming the Ivory Tower: making sense of academia, media, and culture twice weekly.
@IMP:

Are you sure you didn't just get Nephrolith to write those paragraphs for you? :P



OH MY GOD I SHOULD GET NEPH TO WRITE SLASHFIC THIS IS THE BEST IDEA I HAVE EVER HAD [rushes off to do that]


And by "best idea", you mean "holy crap, this can either be amazing or completely horrifying", right?


The two are not mutually exclusive. Your quotes are also off.

And, Keeper, it was so way before that. I was gone for a few months and the drama over your banning was just dying down when I came back. The Elegauntlet occured before I left.

Dammit.

I don't know how I missed that then. Like I said, I thought Chaos never submitted her card. 

BROKEN QUOTES FOR SUMMER
BROKEN QUOTES FOR EVER 


Did you ever see the Recess movie (as in the movie for the TV cartoon show Recess)? Quality stuff.

 
"I think me going Bang bang bang I win is pretty intuitive" Mafia Record: Wouldn't you like to know? 2011 Mafia Awards - Mastermind of the Year
mymoment
\
57817638 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
88318561 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
Moriok Rigger does absolutely nothing to boost other riggers. You are incorrect.
Moriok Rigger is not a Rigger in print. Only in Errata WHAT NOW! (yes, I did put that phrase in for that exact reason)
Congratulations, they have activated your trap card!
Alright. Time to put this all into cards...
And some of this scares me... Especially the innuendo...
But I said I'd do it and now...
IT'S TIME!!! TIME TO GO A ROUND AGAINST THIS MADNESS AND SEE WHAT COMES OUT!
...Hopefully something good.
Alright... Going to post based on the order you guys posted.
So first post is:
Instigate Silence
Enchantment
Whenever a player assigns a creature to attack any player may tap another target creature, if they do remove target attacking creature from combat.
"Easiest way to ensure order is to encourage apathy,"

I have absolutely no idea what these kanji(?) mean だが断る。

Failed Translation
Instant
Counter target creature ability that targets another creature.
¿No habla Èspañol?
Ha! That is interesting. The irony...
Will have a little better chance at translating Spanish though.
Kannst du macht ein Deutschen Karten? Sprecht du Deutsch? Ich denke du nicht sprecht Deutsch. Aber, es gibt Google Translate. Bitte? Bitte? 

Show
Upon the day that dragons were born, so to was the first white wig worn, by men who wished to make the world theirs, and in the process sorcery tears - the very fabric of space and time, dragging the dragons right into their prime, these monstrous beasts in philosophical mansions, stood right in the way of colonial expansions. To break these beasts a hero must be found, a hero of the future who can stand the sound - of centuries past and voices unfettered, and someone who'll carve dragon graves lettered - R, I, and P the three sacred symbols, that curse the dead to a land without gimbals. A land they'll never leave, because escape cannot conceive - itself, out of the grip of this mustachio'd hero, a Roosevelt who is comparable to zero. Family crest tattooed on his chest, the baddest m****rf****r this side of the West. And to the dismay of the colonial fools, their futuristic hero had to play by the rules, and the hero chosen by the dragons themselves, they summoned with a tome pulled from dusty shelves. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn, or so they said, as their dragon tails were waggin'. And up from the depths, as the earth shook, the Oldest of Ones opened eyes for a look - at the battle that was about to be waged, the human champion that stood enraged - on the precipice between hither and yon, to battle this most eldritch scion. And with that, the tension was broken, the combat began, and each soul had spoken - its very last words, because as soon as time had started, so to had it ended, and sentience departed.
Vielen Dank. Das wird mir helfen herauszufinden, was mir fehlt, wenn ich nicht lesen können, eine Sprache. Wie deutsche.
(Hope it translated right.)
Flopfoot's message stumps me... If it has a meaning.

Goblin Counting
Instant
Choose a number on target spell. Flip a coin, if you win add X to that number. If you lose subtract X from that number.
"Just put a number up there. They'll never know the difference!"
Representing Shazzeh's and ColonialDragon's dual:

Demand Satisfaction
Instant
Choose a creature controlled by target player. Then that player chooses a creature you control. Then clash with targeted opponent. If you win, destroy chosen creature. If opponent wins destroy their chosen creature. If neither player wins clash again.
"Goblins often initiate such challenges with an odorous boot"
And in French:

Satisfaction de la demande
Immédiat
Choisissez une créature contrôlée par le joueur ciblé. Puis ce joueur choisit une créature que vous contrôlez. Puis s'affronter avec l'adversaire ciblé. Si vous gagnez, détruisez la créature choisie. Si adversaire gagne détruire leur créature choisie. Si aucun joueur ne gagne de nouveau choc.
"Goblins initient souvent ces défis avec une chaussure odorante"

It wouldn't translate goblins...
Chaos and Kazu... This is what your early posts inspired:

Mana Mulch
Sorcery
All players discard their hands. Then they reveal, if possible, seven lands from their libraries and put them into their hands. All players shuffle their libraries.
"Now that that's out of the way... Where are my seeds?"
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