Purplebackpack89's April Fool's Day C-UN-test: Boom Blade, Death by Chocolate, Sarpadian Empires

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As you may be aware, April Fools Day is coming up.  That means un-cards.  I'd like to create an Un-card with one of the following names:



  • Boom Blade

  • Death By Chocolate

  • Sarpadian Empires, Vol 8½


Need not be a legal card.  Here are the restrictions:


Boom Blade:



  1. Must be a parody Doom Blade,

  2. Must be colorshifted to red (or red Phyrexian artifact)

  3. (as if you didn’t know) It should either ither deal some direct damage and/or destroy something  


Death by Chocolate: 



  1. Creatures made of Chocolate are Oozes


Sarpadian Empires, Vol 8½:



  1. Must have the form:"As Sarpadian Empires, Vol. 8½ enters the battlefield, choose _______, _______, _______, _______, or _______. ½: Put a 1½/1½ creature token of the chosen color and type onto the battlefield.

  2. Each blank should be color-creature.  The creatures should be as ridiculous as possible

  3. You can pick whatever colors you want, but I'd recommend five of the following: Pink (RW), Gray (WB), Brown (BG), Turquoise (GU), Purple (UR); Yellow, Orange, Apricot, Tan, Chartreuse

See this card for more info.

You have 48 hours, after which there will be a 48-hour voting period.  Go!
Boom Blade
Instant
As an additional cost to cast Boom Blade, bang on the table with your fist until an opponent tells you to stop.
Boom Blade deals X damage to target creature or player, where X is the number of times you banged on the table.
"BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOO--" "SHUT UP!"

And a ruling: you must bang hard and slowly enough for all opponents to hear each individual bang. Giggity.

All cards I make have artists credited in the appropriate places. Artist names in "quotes" are DeviantArt usernames unless otherwise mentioned.

"I play a Grave Betrayal. I get all your dead things now, mwahahahaha!"
"Okay. I play a Phage the Untouchable. Piss me off and I will sac it."
"... ... ... so guys, remind me again how to sac my own enchantments?"

Boom Blade -

Instant


As you cast ~, say 'tick tock' until your opponent says 'Boom goes the dynamite'. (Say 'Tick Tock' only at a reasonable speed.)


For each time you said Tock, ~ deals 2 damage to target creature.  




Death by Chocolate -

Enchantment


Creatures made of Chocolate are Oozes and must be blocked if able.

Whenever a creature deals combat damage to a creature, that creature becomes engulfed by Chocolate.

Eat some chocolate: Put a X/X Chocolate Ooze onto the battlefield, where X is the amount of Chocolate on the battlefield. (Players may eat chocolate by either sacrificing a creature made of chocolate, or eating some chocolate.)

 


Must have the form:"As Sarpadian Empires, Vol. 8½ enters the battlefield, choose _______, _______, _______, _______, or _______. ½: Put a 1½/1½ creature token of the chosen color and type onto the battlefield.

Sarpadian Empires Alliteration Dictionary, Vol. 8+1/2 - ()(/)

Artifact

As ~ enters the battlefield, choose Amber Antelope, Brown Badger, Cyan Caribou, Ebony Elk or Mauve Mongoose. ()(/):Put a 1½/1½ creature token of the chosen color and type onto the battlefield. Those creatures get +(1/2)/(+1/2) as long as you represent them with a picture of that animal.
HAHAHA, you unintentionally(?) dropped a hard C.
Break the Card: A great contest run by Dilleux_Lepaire in the Cards and Combo's forums! Support the Card: An homage to Break the Card I run on the You Make the Card forums! Support the Card winners:
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Week 1: Savor the Moment - Winner: ConfusedAsUsual!
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Week 2: Grinning Ignus - Winners: Lobster667 and VRdragoon!
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Week 4a: Rofellos's Gift - Winner: SuperSpawnWrithe!
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Week 4b: Mortus Strider - Winner: Libe!
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Week 5: High Priest of Penance - Winners: Dilleux_Lepaire and Dudibus!
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http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75842/29921687/CONTEST_Support_the_Card:_High_Priest_of_Penance?pg=1
HAHAHA, you unintentionally(?) dropped a hard C.

that's what the dashes were for, in part: to avoid dropping a hard C

Sarpadian Empires, Vol. 8½     ½
Artifact
As Sarpadian Empires, Vol. 8½ enters the battlefield, choose sepia brushwagg, burgandy brushwagg, russet brushwagg, auburn brushwagg, or ochre brushwagg. 

½: Put a 1½/1½ creature token of the chosen color and type onto the battlefield.

brushwaggs have had very important parts throughout history...Dont search it up, just believe me.

Sarpadian Empires, Vol. 8½     ½
Artifact
As Sarpadian Empires, Vol. 8½ enters the battlefield, choose sepia brushwagg, burgandy brushwagg, russet brushwagg, auburn brushwagg, or ochre brushwagg. 

½: Put a 1½/1½ creature token of the chosen color and type onto the battlefield.

brushwaggs have had very important parts throughout history...Dont search it up, just believe me.

brushwagg is good, but I was kinda going for five different creature types
Also, to clarify, "Creatures made of chocolate are oozes", while a rule for the contest, isn't a rule that has to be in the rules text
The only thing humorous about this thread is the title
Boom Blade

Instant
Destroy target nonblack creature, then throw it into the air.  As long as it falls at least a foot, destroy any creature it touches when it lands.

"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

 

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THE COALITION WAR GAME -Phyrexian Chief Praetor
Round 1: (4-1-2, 1 kill)
Round 2: (16-8-2, 4 kills)
Round 3: (18-9-2, 1 kill)
Round 4: (22-10-0, 2 kills)
Round 5: (56-16-3, 9 kills)
Round 6: (8-7-1)

Last Edited by Ralph on blank, 1920

Boom Blade
Artifact - Equipment
When ~ enters the battlefield, light the corner of it on fire.
Equipped creature gets +5/+1 and has haste.
When ~ leaves the battlefield or burns out, destroy all creatures.
Equip

Death By Chocolates
Enchantment
You may only cast ~ if your eating chocolate.
You may put chocolate you own onto the battlefield as a creature token. Chocolate you control are x/x ooze creatures, where x is the weight of that chocolate in ounces.
The chocolate invasion began on Halloween and continued through Easter.

Sarpadian Empires, Vol. 8 1/2 1/2
Artifact
When ~ enters the battlefield choose one; plaid lumberjack, orange pumpkin, purple people-eater, rainbow pony, or pink bunny.
1/2: Put a 1 1/2 / 1 1/2 creature token of the choosen color type onto the battlefield.
This is the annuls of history. Well, someones history. That wasn't really important. To anyone.
Boom Blade -- :RM:
Artifact -Equipment (C)

Whenever equipped creature deals damage to a permanent, destroy it.
:RM::RM:, :T:: Boom Blade deals 3 damage to target noncreature permanent.
Equip
For the hunter a swift blade, for the warrior a deft blade, for the wizard a dream blade, for the assassin a hidden blade, for the barbarian a boom blade.
Official archnemesis of magicpablo666 Host of Reactionary Proud owner of "The Terrible Cube" The altimis Archive I'm baking lands!!! Beginner of GROMA
Notable Quotables:
58060728 wrote:
I carefully examine the walls of the room in a determined effort to not follow the GMs plot.
Time to Vote!

(But feel free to make entries anyway)
Death by Chocolate    
World Enchantment
At the beginning of each players upkeep, that player puts a chocolate counter on Death By Chocolate.  Then puts a 1/1 black Chocolate Ooze creature token onto the battlefield for each chocolate counter.  Then must eat one ounce of chocolate for each Chocolate creature they control.  If a player refuses to eat the Chocolate, they lose the game.
And fat kids everywhere rejoiced! 
Break the Card: A great contest run by Dilleux_Lepaire in the Cards and Combo's forums! Support the Card: An homage to Break the Card I run on the You Make the Card forums! Support the Card winners:
Show
Week 1: Savor the Moment - Winner: ConfusedAsUsual!
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http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75842/29788879/CONTEST_Card_Support:_Savor_the_Moment?pg=1
Week 2: Grinning Ignus - Winners: Lobster667 and VRdragoon!
Show
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75842/29797229/CONTEST_Support_the_Card:_Grinning_Ignus?pg=1
Week 3: Transcendence - Winner: Dilleux_Lepaire!
Show
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75842/29806577/CONTEST__Support_the_Card:_Transcendence?pg=1
Week 4a: Rofellos's Gift - Winner: SuperSpawnWrithe!
Show
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75842/29816423/CONTEST_Support_the_Card:_Rofelloss_Gift
Week 4b: Mortus Strider - Winner: Libe!
Show
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75842/29820463/CONTEST_Support_the_Card:_Mortus_Strider
Week 5: High Priest of Penance - Winners: Dilleux_Lepaire and Dudibus!
Show
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75842/29921687/CONTEST_Support_the_Card:_High_Priest_of_Penance?pg=1
Poke...
Break the Card: A great contest run by Dilleux_Lepaire in the Cards and Combo's forums! Support the Card: An homage to Break the Card I run on the You Make the Card forums! Support the Card winners:
Show
Week 1: Savor the Moment - Winner: ConfusedAsUsual!
Show
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75842/29788879/CONTEST_Card_Support:_Savor_the_Moment?pg=1
Week 2: Grinning Ignus - Winners: Lobster667 and VRdragoon!
Show
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75842/29797229/CONTEST_Support_the_Card:_Grinning_Ignus?pg=1
Week 3: Transcendence - Winner: Dilleux_Lepaire!
Show
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75842/29806577/CONTEST__Support_the_Card:_Transcendence?pg=1
Week 4a: Rofellos's Gift - Winner: SuperSpawnWrithe!
Show
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75842/29816423/CONTEST_Support_the_Card:_Rofelloss_Gift
Week 4b: Mortus Strider - Winner: Libe!
Show
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75842/29820463/CONTEST_Support_the_Card:_Mortus_Strider
Week 5: High Priest of Penance - Winners: Dilleux_Lepaire and Dudibus!
Show
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75842/29921687/CONTEST_Support_the_Card:_High_Priest_of_Penance?pg=1

BUMP!!!

Sarpadian Empires, Vol. 8½     ½
Artifact
As Sarpadian Empires, Vol. 8½ enters the battlefield, choose sepia brushwagg, burgandy brushwagg, russet brushwagg, auburn brushwagg, or ochre brushwagg. 

½: Put a 1½/1½ creature token of the chosen color and type onto the battlefield.

brushwaggs have had very important parts throughout history...Dont search it up, just believe me.

brushwagg is good, but I was kinda going for five different creature types




Thats the point...
Boom Blade
Instant
Exile target blue spell or permanent by throwing, tossing or flicking it from the play surface.
"Now... where were we?"