[Contest] The YMtC Comedy: Squinty's Inferno

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The YMtC Comedy: Squinty's Inferno

(if you don't get the reference, go away)



It has been a while, and immediately upon my return I find fantastic contests and sets being built.  I simply couldn't help myself, I must begin another contest, and maybe even finish it.  That'd be nice, right?  Well, this one will be based on the Divine Comedy, and should we finish it, perhaps Purgatorio and Paradiso should be up next.  But let's not get ahead of ourselves.  We're only at the beginning.

This contest will consist of ten rounds, the first of which being the audition round.  I will need ten contestants when all is said and done, one to be left behind in each ring of our Inferno as a reminder of our sins, and of course one to move on to the Purgatorio that stands between them and Paradiso.  Or at least, that is the plan.  But plans change, but it is better to begin with a plan in mind so that same mind can change.  Ramble ramble ramble...



I do have a few basic rules that I think most contests follow:

(1)  No commenting on cards before the round is over.
(2)  Be kind and respectful during discussions.
(3)  Posting renders is fine, but always include a text version as well.
(4)  If you edit your submission before the round is over, please add a new post noting the edit so I know.
(5)  Have fun, it's a fantasy fantasy card creation contest!



Thou follow me, and I will be thy guide,
And lead thee hence through the eternal place,
Where thou shalt hear the desperate lamentations,
Shalt see the ancient spirits disconsolate,
Who cry out each one for the second death;
And thou shalt see those who contented are
Within the fire, because they hope to come,
Whene'er it may be, to the blessed people;
To whom, then, if thou wishest to ascend,
A soul shall be for that than I more worthy;
With her at my departure I will leave thee;
Because that Emperor, who reigns above,
In that I was rebellious to his law,
Wills that through me none come into his city.
He governs everywhere, and there he reigns;
There is his city and his lofty throne;
O happy he whom thereto he elects!"
And I to him: "Poet, I thee entreat,
By that same God whom thou didst never know,
So that I may escape this woe and worse,
Thou wouldst conduct me there where thou hast said,
That I may see the portal of Saint Peter,
And those thou makest so disconsolate."
Then he moved on, and I behind him followed.

~Dante Alighieri (Canto I)



Audition Round:

This round will require two submissions.
(1)  A creature card that depicts you as the traveler; or, a creature card that depicts your guide through Hell.
(2)   To get into the afterlife, you had to lose your life.  Design a card that depicts your death, feel free to interpret.


This round will remain open until Monday, February 25th, 2013 at 11:59 pm EST.



Thanks for checking this out, and I hope people give it a go.  Go easy on me, I'm rusty at this.

~SE++

Something: Written by Jessica_Morgan
Canto I

What is this place? This is not my home.

I feel...strange. Something is wrong with my memories. I was going to the cathedral to pray and offer up confession, yes, but what then? There was a pain, a horrible pain and -

Oh merciful God.

I died, didn't I? And others, there were others, they died too. What has happened? What has happened to us?


Sudden Extinction
Sudden Extinction
Instant [Rare] 
Counter target creature spell, then destroy all creatures that share a creature type with it.
An instant of pure pain followed by an eternity of silence.


But - no, this is not right! Yes, as all who live do I have sinned in my life, but - no, no, it cannot be. I was on the road to the cathedral to confess my sins, but I never made it there. I have died a sinner, I have died and gone, gone - I will not say it. I know where it is I have arrived.

Surely there must be some plea, some bargain? I was ready to confess and repent! Though I deserve this damnation, I had comitted, in my heart, to the path of righteousness. I must escape this place. I must make my plea before the Creator and show him the sorrow which weighs upon my breast. Surely he will listen, he will understand.

The agents of this place will not wish me to escape, of course.

Let them try.


Seraphina Sorrowblade
Seraphina Sorrowblade
Legendary Creature - Human Knight Spirit [Mythic Rare]
At the beginning of your upkeep, Seraphina Sorrowblade deals 1 damage to each other creature you control.
If Seraphina Sorrowblade would deal damage to a creature you control, you may pay . If is spent this way, it deals that much damage to target creature instead. If is spent this way, each opponent loses that much life instead. If is spent this way, you gain that much life instead.
4/3


Canto II

What strange hell is this, that does not ring forth with the shrieks of the damned? The silence disquiets me, and I reach for my sword - and it is placed into my hand, given to me by a young woman with broken wings shrouding her pale body like a cloak. Hesitatantly, I take a step back, but the woman shakes her head silently, and I can see now that her eyes run black with faint trails of bloody tears.


"You will need your armor, Seraphina," the woman - angel? - whispers to me, her voice rife with layer upon layer of sorrow, of loss beyond name. "It is not here, now. We must descend to find it."

"I cannot descend," I protest, gesturing above myself. "I must beseech the Creator for pardon!"

"I know," she replies, a small smile lighting her face for the briefest of moments. "But things are not as they seem, here. If you would embrace perfection, you must first comprehend the depths of your sins, Seraphina. You must descend with me."

"Why should I trust you?"

The once-angel smiled again, sadly, and looked into my eyes.

I cannot describe what I saw there, but in the distance of my mind I could hear it - a final scream of utter loss, of a soul broken by torment beyond endurance as it watched itself rejected by the one being it ever loved.


"Take me to Her," the angel demanded in her soft, sad voice, and I could do nothing but obey.

The Shroud
The Shroud
Legendary Enchantment [Mythic Rare]
If a creature with converted mana cost three or less would die, exile it instead.
When The Shroud leaves the battlefield, return all cards exiled by it to the battlefield under their owner's control.
"It was created to hold the souls of those too weak to matter until a more permanent solution could be found - and if one isn't found soon, the dead will spill forth into the lands of the living."
Brianna of Asheholm, emergency missive to the crown


Canto III

"Hell is in uproar," the angel says quietly to me as we reach the bottom of the gruesome stairs, their construction made of pulsing flesh and oozing bone that moans in perverse pleasure with our every step, coating my boots with befouled blood. I turn my gaze to my guide, shying away from looking her in the eyes once more. "The damned rebel against the ordained order, lead by powerful and malevolent souls from the world of the living. Our journey will be difficult."

"How could the damned possibly rebel against the ordained order?" I ask, confused. "That order is eternal."

"Nothing is eternal," the angel replies, her voice soft and sad, like the last light of hope leaving a child's eyes, "but it is true that the ordained order here is very powerful, and of yet there is no threat of the damned escaping to once more dwell in the realms of the living. The chaos caused by the nascent rebellion, however, will make navigation difficult."

We pass through a set of gates marked with symbols and sculptures of the most hideously lewd nature, and I see what she means. Our texts write of this circle of the netherworlds, whelmed by those souls whose sin was overwhelming indulgence. Their lusts were crudely physical, yes, but sometimes also emotional or mental - a lust for knowledge that drove some to murder and a lust for power that drove some to callousness, but lust just the same. The screaming wind is ever-present, but all else has been altered, coated in a sticky green fungus that pulses under our feet, sending slithering waves deeper into the nether realm as we walk. I turn to my guide, who indicates a patch of eye-shaped growths.

"The master of the moss knows we are here, and he will not brook our presence here. You will need to destroy him, Seraphina."

"Why should I?" I snap, agitated and pushed beyond endurance by the frustrating vagaries of the angel. "I am damned because I chose to think with my scabbard, O fallen one. Why now should I repeat the mistakes of life?"

And then I saw it, and I wish to the glorious Creator that I had not. It had...it was...

It was unnatural. Its body was a gross mixture of flesh and fungus, with too many limbs skewed at odd angles that twitched, spider-like, to enable its jerky movements. Its bubbling flesh dripped with a mixture of venom and mold that took root and grew wherever it went, expanding over the previous growths, and before my very eyes its misshapen head opened, its jaw cracking as it unhinged, and vomited forth a flesh-plant abomination that resembled nothing so much as a saproling gone utterly and completely wrong.

I drew my blade and sang out the hymn of a prayer-spell without a second thought. It screeched an unholy battle cry, spewing forth its young in a projectile attack, and then battle was joined. I swatted aside the saproling-spawn that flew through the air at me and stabbed home with my spell, searing the abomination with fire. It screamed and hissed under the blaze of my invocation, but I had to cut the assault short when its first minion made a lunge for my leg, snapping at it with bizzare thorn-teeth dripping with venom. I hacked the saproling-spawn in two and danced away as the creature made an eerie charge.


"Angel, aid me!"

"I cannot," came the reply from behind me, soft as always. "I may lift no hand to free myself from this place, mortal, but I can advise you, should you wish it."

A putrescent claw cleaved the air in front of my nose, filling my nostrils with the smells of rotten flesh, sweat, fear, sex, and spreading mold. I nearly gagged, only barely managing to choke out, "How do I kill it?"

"It is dead already. You can only hope to contain it."

I planted a boot into one of its five knees and was rewarded with the satisfying crunch of shattering bone. It screeched in unnatural pain, but the sound was cut off into a gurgle as I plunged my blade through its torso and into its lungs. One arm lashed at my face, but I caught it at the wrist and twisted, shattering the shoulder joint in spiral fractures.

"O Aishara, my goddess, Creator of the Light, Holder of Justice, hear my plea to you on this, the day of my damnation."

"What are you doing?" the angel asked, but I ignored her, instead focusing on pinning another of the abomination's feet beneath my boot so that I could leverage my sword to keep it away from me.

"I have become lost and gone astray, just as the pitiful soul who even now seeks my destruction, and am damned to the darkness that exists without Your light. I deserve this damnation, for I have died unrepented and without making amends and justice for my deeds. In this I accept Your judgement, as I do in all things."

It lunges a third arm at me, and I yank up on the sword, skinning the arm to the bone and making it gurgle ever-louder in pain and suffering.

"But take pity upon this wretch, O Lady of Morning. Gaze upon his sorrow, for truly he never knew You. I pray to you now for his sake, and not for mine. What temple would permit such an abomination within its walls? In what city or town could he dwell? He has been denied Your love, and for this only judgmental sinners can be blamed. Take pity on him, Aishara, and take my soul in his stead."

"What are you doing, mortal?"

I drown out the angel's voice, focusing on the feeling of light and hope welling up from within, pushing away anger, drowning out hate, and enfolding me in the rapture of love without condition or requirement.

"I take his sins for my own and plead all guilt in his stead, to repent them as if I had committed them with my own hands. Let him be born anew, my Lady, in the glory of Your love."

And for a moment, there is perfect silence in the darkness of Hell, and when that moment is done I clatter to the floor.

I had been supporting my weight on the abomination, and it was now gone.


[spoiler=Havdrek, King of Slaves]Havdrek, King of Slaves
Legendary Creature - Thrull Fungus [Rare]
Sacrifice a creature: Put a spore counter on each fungus you control. If the sacrificed creature was a thrull, put two spore counters on those creatures instead.
Remove a spore counter from a fungus you control: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.
3/3


Canto IV

We remain essentially unmolested as we move through the second circle of Hell. I see, or think I see, several beings in the too-wet shadows, but they scurry away from us, retreating along with the withering mold that dies everywhere we walk.

"Do you have any idea what it is you've done, mortal?" the angel finally asks me at length, her tone full of weary resignation. We stand at the top of the dark stairs that spiral further into the Realms Infernal, and I descend them only reluctantly. Compelled to follow, the angel trails in my wake.

"I have saved a soul from damnation he didn't deserve, upholding the spirit of Celestial Law against the caprice of the Neverborn who would pervert its letter. I believe I may have started myself on the journey of redemption."

"Yes, you have," the angel snaps testily, "and you have also invoked the Name, like the blundering idiot you are. Every last one of the Neverborn heard Her Name when you spoke it, and even now I expect that they lay down their arms and strain their ears for the soul of the Damned stupid enough to invoke their greatest enemy. You truly walk into the teeth of Hell now."

As if to confirm this, I see the gate to the Third Circle at the bottom of the stairs, rising forth in all of the glory of its damnation. Like great gnashing teeth it is, made of bone and of ivory, dripping with saliva that sizzles and burns against the stone of this Circle's floor, evaporating as a noxious fume heady with the scents of rich foods and cloying rot. As I watch, the gross aberration before me twists into a smile.

"Indulge of me, Redeemer, and you may enter," it bubbles, its booming voice roiling and burbling as if spoken from the depths of a boiling slime pit. "Or sin not, and return to Lust like the wretched coward you are. The choice is yours, Redeemer."

I turn questioningly to my guide, who gives me a contemplative look. "The Teeth cannot deny entrance to one of the Damned who is sentenced to the Third Circle. Were you a glutton in life?"

"I am rather afraid not. Lustful at times, though penitent. My superiors often chastised me for my anger, and I am...unproud...of other things I have done, but I never succumbed to food or to drink, to drugs or mind-addling magics."

A flash of memories, not my own, surges through my mind.

"I know someone who has, though."

I step forward towards the Teeth, which spit at me contemptuously. The acidic spittle sears my flesh, causing me to shriek in agony, but still I step forward. The Teeth's expression changes into one of stunned surprise as I lay a hand on one massive fang.

"I hold the sins of Havdrek the Abomination, and I claim the right of damnation to the Third Circle. Open for me or suffer beyond suffering."

There is an almighty scream as the Teeth grind open, but all I see beyond them is another set of stairs.

"That's bad, isn't it?" I ask my guide, fear coiling around my heart.

"The Neverborn are expecting you," she replies grimly. "Gird yourself for battle."

Hunger for Power
Hunger for Power
Enchantment - Aura 
Enchant Planeswalker
Sacrifice a creature: Put two loyalty counters on enchanted planeswalker
If you control no creatures, sacrifice enchanted planeswalker, then discard your hand.
Bolas offers great power with one hand and great weakness with the other. His thralls eagerly beg for both.


Canto V

I hear it before ever I see it - a great clanging of metal on stone, of steel on steel, of forging and bellows and misery that echoes up the dark stairs that stretch towards the gut of Hell. I steel myself, expecting violence beyond compare.

What I see is, in some ways, worse.

It is a city, and it is a mine, and it is horrible in a way I was not ready for. The stairs open up at the top of a great pit that slices through the Realms Infernal, and it is full of the damned, and full of their shepards - the demon-kin, the despoilers of all things pure, the authors of sin.

The Neverborn.

No two are truly alike. Some are almost human, marred only by strangely-shaped shadows or a tendency to leave behind afterimages that do not record their true movements. Others are abominations that not even my foulest nightmares could have coughed forth, shivering masses of flesh and shadow that loom over the damned as figures of tenebrous hate. Some weild weapons made of gold or silver or darksteel (but not iron - no, never iron) and others extend tendrils or claws, jaws with fangs of night and fangs of rot, and other, stranger things that I cannot put name to. Each of the Neverborn sits as taskmaster over a group of the damned, who chip at the rock walls with hammer and with pick and sometimes with their ragged nails trailing blood. Each of the souls here digs in a frenzy, assailing veins of precious metals with such naked greed on their face that I can feel my gorge rising in response to such base avarice.


"In life they fell to the sin of greed. Here, in the Dismal Mine, they are consumed by it. At the bottom is Anvil, the Forge-City, where the greatest of this Circle dwell. Anvil guards the gates to the next Circle, and we needs must pass through it to advance."

I contemplate the angel's words even as I watch a group of the damned clamor in excitement around a vein of gold. One of them breaks through, only to begin shrieking; the precious metal sprays forth in molten fury, encasing the poor soul in gold that hardens to his dead flesh and traps his scream inside his throat. Four of the damned seize him and begin dragging him down below.

"The Neverborn are expecting me," I muse aloud. "Let them expect this."

I kneel on the ground, sword held before me, and begin muttering the syllables of a prayer-spell. A soft golden glow infuses the blade, pulsing from its hilt to the tip in a slow crawl. I stand, reverently, and then hurl my sword into the pit as hard as I can. It shoots downward like a javelin, vanishing into the darkness.

"What did you do?" my guide inquires curiously.

My smile is grim, "I made the sword worth as much to them as it is to me."

All of them, demons and damned, begin scrambling down the pit after my discarded weapon, practically falling upon Anvil in their haste.

"Let them try and guard their gates now."

Blasphemous Fortune
Blasphemous Fortune
Sorcery [Rare]
Each player may exile each permanent they control, then all cards in their graveyard, then all cards in their library. Each player that does may choose any number of cards they own from outside of the game, put up to seven of those cards in their hand and then shuffle the rest into their library.
The djinn offered everything she'd ever wanted, in exchange for everything she'd ever had.


Canto VI

Canto VII

Canto VIII

Canto IX
[/sblock]

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php

Cool idea for a contest. I want in!

Entry 1:
Netherealm Guide
Creature - Demon
Flying, Trample, Protection from spells and permanents you control
You have protection from spells and permanents your opponents control
At the beginning of your upkeep you lose 5 life.
He protects that which is his from everything but himself.
5/5

(Not sure my protection abilities are worded correctly.)

Entry 2:
Death of a Thousand Small Deaths
Enchantment
Whenever you draw a card, activate a non-mana ability, cast a spell, or a creature enters the battlefield under your control you lose 1 life.
Spells or abilities your opponents control can't make you discard cards.
Spells and abilities you control can't be countered.
Creatures you control are indestructible.
For infinite power, a truly finite cost. 
Now my cards are done I'd like to say it's good to have you back squinty, even for a while.

Card #1:

The Concierge |
Legendary Creature - Devil
Soulbond
Whenever The Concierge or a creature it is paired with attacks, it gains shadow until end of turn.
"Step right this way."
3/2 

I'm really digging on Shadow right now.

Card #2:

Battlefield Betrayal
|
Instant
Prevent all combat damage target attacking creature would deal this turn. That creature deals damage equal to it's power to another target attacking creature. 
Arkos' armour was perfectly designed to protect him from the front.
I shall depict my guide in Hell!



Wandering Guide

Creature-Goblin
, : Flip a coin.  If you win the flip, search your library for a basic land card and put it into play tapped, then shuffle your library.  If you lose the flip, sacrifice a land.
"Just admit we're lost, okay?"
2/2


Yes... I'm doomed.


Method of death?


Gamble with Fate

Sorcery
Flip a coin until you lose a coin flip or choose to stop flipping.  If you lose a coin flip, Gamble with Fate deals 10 damage to you.  Then, Gamble with Fate deals X damage to each of up to X creatures or players, where X is the number of coin flips you won.
"This can't end well."
Show
144902215 wrote:
Sometimes I imagine what Cisnero's life must be like. I imagine cargo pants - every pocket stuffed with coins. I imagine him (I almost said "him or her" but then I decided his gender with through the randomization of a small metal disk) - I imagine him, shopping, purchasing food, choosing which spot to park in, all through this meticulous flipping process. I imagine him asking a girl out, taking her to have a drink or whatever and then asking if she wants to play this fun game. When she responds "Sure." he removes a single quarter from one of his jingling pockets. Then proceeds to flip it repeatedly while she calls it - until she is able to make up an excuse to leave. Will he respond to this post? Only if the Chaotic Gods of Copper and Nickel deem it so. Someday many years from now, in the Dystopian future world, I'll ride my Billy Idol Unicycle past a bedraggled slumbub - He'll be clad in armor made all of the (now worthless) coins of yesterdecade. He'll grin a shiny grin at me as he flips another coin - and I'll know who it was. How could I not?
Placeholder.
Nothing really matters.
Anyone can see.
I'ma be the newerish man, and assumin' the ref and for some Ol' Timest Y-M-t-C interior jest, and be for the Inferno of Dante, then yeah, I be gettin' it. I been hopin' that's the case, cause it's brief and I dig the schit out of it, holmes. We gonna break bread for breeders cause dogs like sandwhiches too, and lettuce, pickles on that growth. Plop you plate with mustard paste, fool. That's how we spell gangsta, cause sometimes you realize that illiteracy is a major muthaphukin' probem and sometimes it happens as you gaze across a sunless sky with one good eye, and your bandaged hand shivers something fierce while the breeze caresses you like a lover you have scorned for the past sixteen years. Let's get our pimp on, before this bitch be played:

Corpseholder
Creature - Cat Crocodile 
Threshold 9 - If ~ would enter another zone, it enters the graveyard instead. This effect only applies if you have nine or more cards in your graveyard. 

"She knows them all by name, though she has never once spoken."

2/1 

Double card needin'? Holy wit's end this homie's gonna hustle ya tha goods, brutha. Supplyin' it up for two ocular globes. Get those things tight!

Pitch Mistress
Creature - Demon Scribe
Lifelink, Trample
If you would lose 1 life, lose the game instead.

"It is uncanny, how we crank the wheels with our own hands - and by the fate we seal, our resentmet yet by stands. . ." 

7/7 

There you go, champ. Rocky the chair ya sittin' in with fervor plus grace and drop a beat in that cage, playa. 
Posted my entries.
Yes... I'm doomed.


You sure are if you only submit one card, you need two to qualify this round.

Good to see everyone trying out so quickly!  Still, we need more submissions.  So keep 'em coming.

~SE++ 

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php

I'll pass.
Real men hold shift. If everyone has their fingers in the pie, then someone is eating fingers.
I'll pass.


Aww... gonna disappear again?

~SE++ 

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php

What is this place? This is not my home.

I feel...strange. Something is wrong with my memories. I was going to the cathedral to pray and offer up confession, yes, but what then? There was a pain, a horrible pain and -

Oh merciful God.

I died, didn't I? And others, there were others, they died too. What has happened? What has happened to us?


Sudden Extinction
Instant [Rare] 
Counter target creature spell, then destroy all creatures that share a creature type with it.
An instant of pure pain followed by an eternity of silence.

But - no, this is not right! Yes, as all who live do I have sinned in my life, but - no, no, it cannot be. I was on the road to the cathedral to confess my sins, but I never made it there. I have died a sinner, I have died and gone, gone - I will not say it. I know where it is I have arrived.

Surely there must be some plea, some bargain? I was ready to confess and repent! Though I deserve this damnation, I had comitted, in my heart, to the path of righteousness. I must escape this place. I must make my plea before the Creator and show him the sorrow which weighs upon my breast. Surely he will listen, he will understand.

The agents of this place will not wish me to escape, of course.

Let them try.


Seraphina Sorrowblade
Legendary Creature - Human Knight Spirit [Mythic Rare]
At the beginning of your upkeep, Seraphina Sorrowblade deals 1 damage to each other creature you control.
If Seraphina Sorrowblade would deal damage to a creature you control, you may pay . If is spent this way, it deals that much damage to target creature instead. If is spent this way, each opponent loses that much life instead. If is spent this way, you gain that much life instead.
4/3
Remainder to self.
Wayward Journeyman
Creature - Spirit
Counters remain on CARDNAME as long as it moves to any zone other than hand or library.
When CARDNAME dies or is exiled, put a travel counter on it.
For each travel counter on it, CARDNAME gets +1/+1 and your choice of deathtouch, first strike, protection from white, protection from green and swampwalk.
"I have seen many places, and learnt a lot from each of them."
2/2

Corrupt Aether
Instant
Target creature spell enters the battlefield with two -1/-1 counters on it.
"Which death can come before life?"
The One Thousand Questions
Nothing really matters.
Anyone can see.
Jessica, thank you for bringing some roleplay to the contest. I can't give you unfair bonus points for it, but I can love you for it. Really should do a RPG game on YMtC eventually, but figuring it out and maintaining it will be a horrendous feat...

~SE++

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php

SOMETHING SOMETHING CARDS GO HERE.

Verdancer
Creature - Dryad
Whenever ~ attacks, you may have target permanent become a Forest land until end of turn. (It loses its previous types and abilities.)
She twirled across the river, water lilies appearing from the depths to buoy her steps.
1/4

It's verdant and dancer! Get it, get it get it? Also, I have an awkward love of Horned Turtles, so this thing is a 1/4 for 3.

Drown in Tears
Instant
All creatures get -1/-1 until end of turn for each card put into the graveyard this turn.
They wept for all the things they lost, until their tears washed away all the things they had.

I originally had this as a Mutilate for mill decks, but that was horribly narrow. This is hopefully better.
A little bit of courage is the real magic.
So far we have:

dtolle
Imidazoline
Cisnero (50%)
Nephrolith
Jessica_Morgan
Cryanium
pietro_aronica
Silly_Dragons

Also looks like ChaosLight might be joining in.  Still, even if he does it's only 9 entries so far, hopefully we'll gather more on Sunday and Monday.  I am looking foawrd to this, and already planning how the circles will play out.  Ahh, sins are so much fun.

~SE++ 

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php

Hell Guide
Creature - Imp
Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may return a creature card from your graveyard to your hand. You lose life equal to its converted mana cost. 
2/1



Repurpose

Instant
Destroy target creature. Search your library for a card with coverted mana cost equal or less than that creature's converted mana cost and reveal it. Put it into your hand and shuffle your library.
"I promise you someone will benefit..." - Sheoldred

"A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antoine de Saint-Exupry

[spoiler MLP]Congratulations, you've found My Lie Policy: Only when i'm prompted, i might lie. (policy still in the refinement process.) [/spoiler] [spoiler I am both rational and instinctive. I value self-knowledge and understanding of the world; my ultimate goal is self-improvement and improvement of the world around me. At best, I am focused and methodical; at worst, I am obsessive and amoral.]I am Blue/Green
I am Blue/Green

[/spoiler]
Doomed Traveler/Mutilate
Alright, let's go.

Oh, right, this is a YMtC contest.

Traveling Salesman
Creature - Human
: Look at the top two cards of your library.  Put one of them into your hand, then put the other on the bottom of your library.  Then, discard a card.
"I'm asking too muh for this rare jeweled necklace?  That's too bad.  I won't be coming back here for approximately two years, so you'll likely never be seeing it again."
1/2

Petrification
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets -X/-0, where X is its power.
Enchanted creature is a colorless artifact in addition to its other types.  It gains defender and its activated abilities can't be activated.
Come check out my friend's youtube channel where he gives bad movies what's coming to them!
You Make the Card
Best Contest Holder 2010 YMtC Idol 9 4th Place
Mafia History
Friendliest Player 2010 Werewolves Invade YMtC!: Town-aligned Rotworm Mass, Survived, Mafia Victory Heroes Mafia: Angela Petrelli, Town-Aligned Undercover Revengeful Mother, Win for Me, Mafia Victory Super Smash Bros. Mafia: Town-Aligned Mason, Survived, Town Victory Bear Mafia: Town-Aligned Vanilla, Lynched Day 1, Mafia Victory YMtC Mafia II: Henry-Stern, Town-Aligned Vanilla, Town Victory, Town MVP Time Fracture Mafia: Mafia-Aligned Nero, the Last Romulan, Lynched Day 3, Borg Victory Touhou Mafia III: Tenshi Hinani, Town-Aligned Vanilla, Survived, Mafia Victory, Town MVP Mafia 2010: Lynched Day 1, Town-Aligned Vanilla, Mafia Victory Dragonball Z Mafia: Goku, Town-Aligned Charismatic Townie, Mafia Victory Quarantined Mafia: Lynched Day 4, J. Walter Weatherman, Infected-Aligned Administrative Assistant, Mr. T (so basically mafia) Victory Glass Box Mafia: Killed Night 2, Icthys, Town-Aligned Networker, Town Victory Battle Royale Mafia: Killed Night 3, Zipperflesh and Dark Stryke Victory Scars of Mirrodin Mafia: Killed Night 3, Town-Aligned Charismatic, Mafia Victory Portal Mafia: Lynched Day 3, Test Subject #2, Mafia-Aligned Rolestopper, Town Victory (that was utter BS) Toxic Waste Mafia: Survived, Violet, Hive (Cult)-Aligned Powerless Taskmaster, Hive Victory PK Hatez You Mafia: Survived, Town-Aligned Goth, Mafia Victory Dreven City: A Wild West Mafia: Town-Aligned "Los Angeles" Reed, One-Shot Vig, Survived, Town Victory (just barely, major props to Just a Cleric) YMtC Mafia III: Killed Night 2, Mafia Victory Vampire Mafia: Mafia-Aligned Pander, Mafia Victory Touhou Border Collapse: Bill Cosby, Town-Aligned, Killed Night 1, Mafia Victory Harry Potter Mafia: Argus Filch, Town-Aligned Tracker, Lynched Day 5, Mafia Victory [Basic #5] Bandit Mafia: Town-Aligned Vanilla, Survived, Mafia Victory Borderlands Mafia: Town-Aligned Mason, Killed Night 1, Town Victory eBay Mafia: Mafia-Aligned, Survived, Mafia Victory Full Metal Alchemist Mafia: Alphonse Elric, Town-Aligned Mason, Killed Night 1, Town Victory Sunflowers for Ragnarokio: Lynched Day 3, Town/Just a Cleric/Tevish Szat/Faux-Razor Victory True Blood Mafia: Lynched Day 4, Mafia Victory My Mafia Diary: Skyhunter, Mafia-Aligned Emo, Survived, Flawless Mafia Victory Paper Mario Mafia: Blue Goomba, Town-Aligned Lover, Killed Night 2, Mafia Victory Small Town Mafia: Pigsticker Mafia-Aligned Coward, Killed Night 2, Caveman Mafia and Zipperflesh Victory Stuff on my Desk Mafia: Lotus Cobra, Town-Aligned Vanilla, Survived, Mafia Victory Order of the Chaos Rose Mafia: Lord Dagol Ji'Lovik, Town-Aligned Hypnotist, Mafia Victory, Town MVP Camp Crystal Lake Mafia: Ongoing A Certain Magical Mafia: Killed Night 1, Town-Aligned The Siege of Balignor Mafia: Ongoing, Killed Day 4 Mafia of Ancient Egypt: Replaced in for Murica day 2, Ra, Town-Aligned Charismatic, Town Victory, Town MVP Lord of the Rings Mafia: Replaced in for Dr Demento, Town-Aligned Mason/One-Shot Self-Doc, Town Victory, Town MVP Internet Stars Mafia: Town-Aligned Vanilla, Mafia Victory Mythos Mafia: Ongoing
Doomed Traveler/Mutilate
Alright, let's go.


Hey, no fair. I already submitted a black mass -X/-X spell.
A little bit of courage is the real magic.

(if you don't get the reference, go away)



Okay

IMAGE(http://i1.minus.com/jbcBXM4z66fMtK.jpg)

192884403 wrote:
surely one can't say complex conditional passive language is bad grammar ?

(if you don't get the reference, go away)



Okay


Kids these days...



Well, our lineup for the audition round so far is:

dtolle
Imidazoline
Nephrolith
Jessica_Morgan
Cryanium
pietro_aronica
Silly_Dragons
theatog
Mono789

Cisnero (50%)
ChaosLight (0%)

With nine full entries, all we need is one more to ensure that we have enough participants to get the games underway.

~SE++ 

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php

Jessica, thank you for bringing some roleplay to the contest. I can't give you unfair bonus points for it, but I can love you for it. Really should do a RPG game on YMtC eventually, but figuring it out and maintaining it will be a horrendous feat... ~SE++



I do love me some RP. Didn't know how faithfully we were referencing Inferno, so I left the flavor vaguely monotheistic.
I do love me some RP. Didn't know how faithfully we were referencing Inferno, so I left the flavor vaguely monotheistic.


Well, last I checked we weren't allowed to get overly religious on the forums, so I've tried to be vague enough that I won't get the thread closed down.  As far as flavor goes, take a run at it.  Anything goes.  Use what you'd expect to see in your own Inferno.

~SE++

(also, this just started up.  everyone should throw in their two cents)

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php


(if you don't get the reference, go away)



Okay


Kids these days...


I've read the Divine Comedy, in it's entrety actually. Two times.

But I didn't feel like playing this game and just wanted to go away, so the opportunity to quote that was hard to pass up

IMAGE(http://i1.minus.com/jbcBXM4z66fMtK.jpg)

192884403 wrote:
surely one can't say complex conditional passive language is bad grammar ?
Just a bump and reminder that the audition round is now 50% over and only has a day and a half left.

~SE++ 

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php

Well, we have less then one day left on this, and I'd really hope for a few more submissions, either way, I'll still be running.

~SE++ 

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php

Carrier of Souls
Creature - Turtle Spirit
Flying, Protection from creatures 
If another nontoken creature would die, exile that creature. That creature's owner puts a token that is a copy of that creature onto the battlefield under his or her control. 
1/4

Demonic Contract
Enchantment 
Pay 20 life: Search your library for any card and put that card into your hand. Shuffle your library. Draw 2 cards. Put an indestructible 6/6 black Demon creature token with flying onto the battlefield. Any player may use this ability.
Carrier of Souls
Creature - Turtle Spirit
Flying, Protection from creatures 
If another nontoken creature would die, exile that creature. That creature's owner puts a token that is a copy of that creature onto the battlefield under his or her control. 
1/4

 



Need another card bro.
Hey more people should enter this contest. Squinty is a great guy and doesn't afraid of anything.

A little bit of courage is the real magic.
i'm afraid of seal. You just turned me away from this contest.

"A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antoine de Saint-Exupry

[spoiler MLP]Congratulations, you've found My Lie Policy: Only when i'm prompted, i might lie. (policy still in the refinement process.) [/spoiler] [spoiler I am both rational and instinctive. I value self-knowledge and understanding of the world; my ultimate goal is self-improvement and improvement of the world around me. At best, I am focused and methodical; at worst, I am obsessive and amoral.]I am Blue/Green
I am Blue/Green

[/spoiler]
AAAAAH must make entry before this closes.

Raving Lunatic
Creature -- Human

At the beginning of your upkeep, discard a card.
Whenever you discard a card, each other player discards a card.

Don't listen too closely to his mutterings, lest you share in his madness. 

2/2


Life Sentence
Enchantment -- Aura
Enchant creature

Enchanted creature can't attack or block.
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a -1/-1 counter on enchanted creature.

"Go, then. There are other worlds than these." -- Stephen King, The Gunslinger

Please feel free to copy this message into your sig.

Seal be crazy, dawg. Crazy.
Technically too late but...

Soul Maiden
Creature - Spirit Cleric
Whenever ~ enters the battlefield, you may exile a creature card in your graveyard.
At the beginning of upkeep, put two soul counters on Soul Maiden. If a creature card exiled by Soul Maiden has a converted mana cost less than or equal to the number of soul counters on Soul Maiden, exile Soul Maiden and put that creature onto the battlefield under your control.
1/1

Quiet Death
[u]Instant[/b]
Play Quiet Death only during an end step.
Destroy target untapped creature. 
Let the soul slip gently into the quiet, good night/ Be at peace, and fret not the dying of the light.
"I think me going Bang bang bang I win is pretty intuitive" Mafia Record: Wouldn't you like to know? 2011 Mafia Awards - Mastermind of the Year
mymoment
\
57817638 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
88318561 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
Moriok Rigger does absolutely nothing to boost other riggers. You are incorrect.
Moriok Rigger is not a Rigger in print. Only in Errata WHAT NOW! (yes, I did put that phrase in for that exact reason)
Congratulations, they have activated your trap card!
Hopefully i made it in time.

Oliver the Meek | :W:
Legendary Creature - Kithkin
Level Up
[1] Protection from creatures with power greater than 3.
1/1
[4] Protection from creatures with power greater than 3.
Vigilance, LifeLink.
2/2
[10] Protection from creatures with power greater than 3.
Vigilance, LifeLink, and Whenever this creature damages a player, search your library for a creature with power less than 3 and put it into play.
4/4


Reap the Meek |
Sorcery
Destroy all creatures with power 2 or less.
(Hope you don't mind if I just RP along if too late).

My feeble hands tremble as they clasp the detonator. I check around to make sure no one would be within the blast vicinity, though I'm unsure if I see or hear anything farther than a few feet. After all, the doctors said my senses, my body, my mind were at their limit, ready to shut down at any moment.

Today is the day I was born and the day I will die.


BOOM!

[i]My spirit lingers where my body once stood, sickened by the bloody mess of bone and sinew I had become. I am both sickened and saddened by my final act among the living, yet I do not regret making the decision to end my life before I lost all control of myself.

I look down at my ethereal hands and notice that my youth had been restored.

"Are you finished admiring yourself yet?" a stranger with a deep, gruff voice asks. I spin around and lay eyes upon a being of my own creative innovation, a parasitic demon named Zansatsu. Both of us knew that he was practically godlike, and that I lacked the power that my other characters had.

"Y-yes," I respond.

"Very well. We shall descend into the abyss soon enough . . . Master."

Show

Explosive Vest -
Artifact - Equipment
Sacrifice Explosive Vest and equipped creature: Explosive Vest deals 4 damage to each creature.
Equip
"Always go out with a bang"

Zansatsu - bm:
Legendary Creature - Demon
Wither
Whenever Zansatsu deals combat damage, put that many +1/+1 counters on it.
4/4
Aww, why not, I needed some people to eliminate, everyone who has posted will be participants in the audition round.

dtolle
Imidazoline
Nephrolith
Jessica_Morgan
Cryanium
pietro_aronica
Silly_Dragons
theatog
Mono789
Cisnero
SimonGlume
Glasir
Dr_Demento
GeorgeW
EpicLevelCommoner

Sorry ChaosLight, but you didn't edit your post / do a submission as of me typing this.

Grades to come within 48 hours, but it is late so I'd rather not do it right now.

~SE++ 

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php

If I lose I want a divorce.
A little bit of courage is the real magic.
i'm YMTC-single if you divorce silly. just saying.

"A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antoine de Saint-Exupry

[spoiler MLP]Congratulations, you've found My Lie Policy: Only when i'm prompted, i might lie. (policy still in the refinement process.) [/spoiler] [spoiler I am both rational and instinctive. I value self-knowledge and understanding of the world; my ultimate goal is self-improvement and improvement of the world around me. At best, I am focused and methodical; at worst, I am obsessive and amoral.]I am Blue/Green
I am Blue/Green

[/spoiler]
THE SUSPENSE CONSUMES MY SOUL!
Hopefully i made it in time.

Oliver the Meek | :W:
Legendary Creature - Kithkin
Level Up
[1] Protection from creatures with power greater than 3.
1/1
[4] Protection from creatures with power greater than 3.
Vigilance, LifeLink.
2/2
[10] Protection from creatures with power greater than 3.
Vigilance, LifeLink, and Whenever this creature damages a player, search your library for a creature with power less than 3 and put it into play.
4/4


Reap the Meek |
Sorcery
Destroy all creatures with power 2 or less.



+

NO WAR

DOD replaces human label with terrorist Blood-Chin Fanatic

[mc]1rubwg[/mc]=

LXD (animation battle) - The Good,The Bad & The RA

 

6/15 entries graded.  But now I have to go to work.  Grades might be up sometime after midnight.  I hope.  Maybe.

~SE++ 

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php

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