[Contest] The Five Word Challenge

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Here on YMtC, we have a tendency to design ever-flashier and more complicated cards. I believe that we sometimes need to go for the other end, for simplicity. To that end, I decided to hold a contest.

Criteria: Design a card using five words or less. For the purpose of this contest, any series of characters not including a space counts as a word, including "+1/+1" and ":" but not including dashes or similar. Only the text box and the power and toughness box on a creature are counted, and the P/T counts as one word. There is one exception: If a card refers to itself by name, that counts as a single word, regardless of length. Existing keywords may be used at their shortened length, but newly invented ones may not. For the sake of clarity, here are a couple cards that satisfy the rules: Drakewing Krasis and Dutiful Thrull. Here is a card of my own design that could be entered:

Factory-Built War Machine
Artifact Creature - Construct
Suspend 6-X - :Xm:
The more you pay them, the faster they'll build it.
4/5

This would count as 4 words - "Suspend", "6-X", ":Xm:" and "4/5".

The contest will run for 48 hours, and I will try to grade it in the 24 hours after that. To aid in the timely grading, please submit only one card, though you can change your card if the contest is still open.

Grading:
5 Points - Overall design. Is it a good card?
5 Points - Creativity, unusuality, originality.
5 Points - Flavor. Be sure to include flavor text.
5 Points - Subjective.

Post many, post all. Good luck, and may simplicity guide you.
Won a TPmanW contest with Demonic Arbitrator. (see below) My username is a simple continued fraction. Look it up. My favorite cards I've made:
Show
Æther Rider Creatuere - Spirit (U) Vanishing 0 (This permanent enters the battlefield with zero time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter from it. When the last is removed, sacrifice it.) Flying : Put a time counter on ~. Any player may activate this ability. It comes on the wind, from realms unknown. 2/2 Kaldurian Behemoth Creature - Beast (R) Mana produced by lands may not be used to pay ~'s mana cost. Trample On Kalduria, the beasts are too good to eat common grass. 10/10 Demonic Arbitrator Sorcery Starting with you, each player may pay any amount of life. If any player paid life, repeat this process. If a player paid more life in total than any other, that player searches his or her library for a card and puts that card into his or her hand. Then that player shuffles his or her library. "Your sacrifice has been judged worthy. What power do you require?"
I was bored... this is my new submission instead.

Anbanai Bereft -- :UM::BM:
Creature - Demon Efreet (C)

Flying

"Getting heat inside's just kinda like moving north outside. Peculiar questions require study, thought, understanding. Very well, Xerbs. Yonder!"
-Zzzyxas, Anbanai Bereft- Creating dissension everywhere.
4 / 4
Official archnemesis of magicpablo666 Host of Reactionary Proud owner of "The Terrible Cube" The altimis Archive I'm baking lands!!! Beginner of GROMA
Notable Quotables:
58060728 wrote:
I carefully examine the walls of the room in a determined effort to not follow the GMs plot.
Snowman Soldier
Snow Creature-Construct Soldier
First strike
1/3

Purposely not an artifact. For all intents and purposes, it is colorless.

Rules Advisor from 8-26-09 to 1-31-14, reinstated (reactivated?) on 9-24-14 (been seeing more FNM, prerelease, and release events as of late)
Joined the crowd and got an Avatar from zammm's Avatar Workshop on 5-6-2012

Khans of Tarkir Clan Quiz
After three iterations of taking the quiz, it says each time that I'm Temur, the clan. Which is funny because the dual-color tests still yield the same two results as before.

That "Dual Colors" personality test thing
IMAGE(http://stat.rumandmonkey.com/tests/1/6/5261/20806.jpg)

I am Black/Green

Take The Magic Dual Colour Test - Beta today!

Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

I am both selfish and instinctive. I value growth and community, as long as they favour my own objectives; I enjoy nature, and I particularly enjoy watching parts of nature die. At best, I am resilient and tenacious; at worst, I'm uncontrollable and destructive.

Oh, but wait, there were multiple answers that fit my thoughts to some questions. What colors did they say I was?

IMAGE(http://stat.rumandmonkey.com/tests/1/6/5261/20801.jpg)

I am Blue/Green

I am both rational and instinctive. I value self-knowledge and understanding of the world; my ultimate goal is self-improvement and improvement of the world around me. At best, I am focused and methodical; at worst, I am obsessive and amoral.

Vengeful Execution

Sorcery
Destroy target permanent.
Cipher 
Show
144902215 wrote:
Sometimes I imagine what Cisnero's life must be like. I imagine cargo pants - every pocket stuffed with coins. I imagine him (I almost said "him or her" but then I decided his gender with through the randomization of a small metal disk) - I imagine him, shopping, purchasing food, choosing which spot to park in, all through this meticulous flipping process. I imagine him asking a girl out, taking her to have a drink or whatever and then asking if she wants to play this fun game. When she responds "Sure." he removes a single quarter from one of his jingling pockets. Then proceeds to flip it repeatedly while she calls it - until she is able to make up an excuse to leave. Will he respond to this post? Only if the Chaotic Gods of Copper and Nickel deem it so. Someday many years from now, in the Dystopian future world, I'll ride my Billy Idol Unicycle past a bedraggled slumbub - He'll be clad in armor made all of the (now worthless) coins of yesterdecade. He'll grin a shiny grin at me as he flips another coin - and I'll know who it was. How could I not?
Nightmare Fuel
Artifact Creature - Horror
Madness—Discard a card
"The Leuran are born of awareness. Simply knowing they exist means our days are numbered. The best thing we can do now is to never speak of this again." - Last known words of Hastri, Lyresian Neuromancer
1/1
Dream Strangler
Creature - Nightmare Squid
Champion a nonblack enchantment
It makes its nest in pleasant fantasies, feeding on their light and warmth.
6/5
Ithas Diamondlash
Legendary Creature - Spirit Knight
Deathtouch, double strike, exalted
It's not revenge he seeks, but a reckoning.
2/6
Gain Control of Each Creature Whose Printed Power and Toughness is Different Than It's Current Power and Toughness 3uu
Creature - Sphinx Wizard
Flying
Sacrifice gain control of each creature whose printed power and toughness is different than it's current power and toughness: populate
4/4
Don't be too smart to have fun
Expanding Ooze
Creature - Ooze
Evolve
: Regenerate ~.
0/1 
Purposely not an artifact. For all intents and purposes, it is colorless.



Technically, a snow-cost card would break the "spirit" of artifacts for the same reason colored artifacts do, since you can't use it in just any deck.
139359831 wrote:
Clever deduction Watson! Maybe you can explain why Supergirl is trying to kill me.
---- Autocard is your friend. Lightning Bolt = Lightning Bolt
Demonic Judgment -
Sorcery
Creature Offering
Destroy all creatures
"You have a choice: surrender your life willingly, or have it taken by force."
Bump.

There's a whole 'nother day left, so bring out your simplicity! 
Won a TPmanW contest with Demonic Arbitrator. (see below) My username is a simple continued fraction. Look it up. My favorite cards I've made:
Show
Æther Rider Creatuere - Spirit (U) Vanishing 0 (This permanent enters the battlefield with zero time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter from it. When the last is removed, sacrifice it.) Flying : Put a time counter on ~. Any player may activate this ability. It comes on the wind, from realms unknown. 2/2 Kaldurian Behemoth Creature - Beast (R) Mana produced by lands may not be used to pay ~'s mana cost. Trample On Kalduria, the beasts are too good to eat common grass. 10/10 Demonic Arbitrator Sorcery Starting with you, each player may pay any amount of life. If any player paid life, repeat this process. If a player paid more life in total than any other, that player searches his or her library for a card and puts that card into his or her hand. Then that player shuffles his or her library. "Your sacrifice has been judged worthy. What power do you require?"
Considering I just reread the criteria from one of the rounds for YMtC Idol 7 that was almost exactly this contest's criteria... Awesome.  *chuckles*  I'll try for something to put here later.
Awkward Moment
Instant
Exile target creature.
"It was... A lot smaller than I had imagined..."
Arachnid Monk
Creature - Scorpion Warrior
Haste, deathtouch, vigilance
2/2

IMAGE(http://i1.minus.com/jbcBXM4z66fMtK.jpg)

192884403 wrote:
surely one can't say complex conditional passive language is bad grammar ?
Edited my submission. Reposted here just for clarification.

Anbanai Bereft -- :UM::BM:
Creature - Demon Efreet (C)

Flying

"Getting heat inside's just kinda like moving north outside. Peculiar questions require study, thought, understanding. Very well, Xerbs. Yonder!"
-Zzzyxas, Anbanai Bereft- Creating dissension everywhere.
4 / 4

Official archnemesis of magicpablo666 Host of Reactionary Proud owner of "The Terrible Cube" The altimis Archive I'm baking lands!!! Beginner of GROMA
Notable Quotables:
58060728 wrote:
I carefully examine the walls of the room in a determined effort to not follow the GMs plot.
Purposely not an artifact. For all intents and purposes, it is colorless.



Technically, a snow-cost card would break the "spirit" of artifacts for the same reason colored artifacts do, since you can't use it in just any deck.



Technically you can play this in any deck that runs only Snow lands. And I've been to enough events to notice that (at least around here) everybody runs Snow basics in any format that allows them. Which is pretty much everything except Standard at the moment.

Rules Advisor from 8-26-09 to 1-31-14, reinstated (reactivated?) on 9-24-14 (been seeing more FNM, prerelease, and release events as of late)
Joined the crowd and got an Avatar from zammm's Avatar Workshop on 5-6-2012

Khans of Tarkir Clan Quiz
After three iterations of taking the quiz, it says each time that I'm Temur, the clan. Which is funny because the dual-color tests still yield the same two results as before.

That "Dual Colors" personality test thing
IMAGE(http://stat.rumandmonkey.com/tests/1/6/5261/20806.jpg)

I am Black/Green

Take The Magic Dual Colour Test - Beta today!

Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

I am both selfish and instinctive. I value growth and community, as long as they favour my own objectives; I enjoy nature, and I particularly enjoy watching parts of nature die. At best, I am resilient and tenacious; at worst, I'm uncontrollable and destructive.

Oh, but wait, there were multiple answers that fit my thoughts to some questions. What colors did they say I was?

IMAGE(http://stat.rumandmonkey.com/tests/1/6/5261/20801.jpg)

I am Blue/Green

I am both rational and instinctive. I value self-knowledge and understanding of the world; my ultimate goal is self-improvement and improvement of the world around me. At best, I am focused and methodical; at worst, I am obsessive and amoral.

Genocide
Sorcery
Destroy all Token Creatures.
"...And in a breath, there was silence."
Strength Incarnate

Enchantment (M)

You are a 10/10 creature.

"You have cowered behind illusions and peons for too long, mind mage. Come out! Drop your spellbook! I will show you what a true planeswalker is made of!"
–Garruk Wildspeaker 

Embrace imagination.

Lord of YMtC | Ten Rounds Contest Winner

Solphos – A fan set with a 'combo matters' theme

Fool's Gold – The second set of the Solphos block

Split Identity -
Sorcery
Target opponent is also you.
The voice in his head now sat before him, flashing him the same grin he saw in his nightmares and his mirror.

I would probably need more than 5 words and an entire paragraph of italics to explain this. Heh.
Show
I am Red/White
I am Red/White
Take The Magic Dual Colour Test - Beta today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.
I'm both chaotic and orderly. I value my own principles, and am willing to go to extreme lengths to enforce them, often trampling on the very same principles in the process. At best, I'm heroic and principled; at worst, I'm hypocritical and disorderly.
Ultimate Judgement
Sorcery
You are the head judge.
"And as such, I hereby declare you illegal."

IMAGE(http://i1.minus.com/jbcBXM4z66fMtK.jpg)

192884403 wrote:
surely one can't say complex conditional passive language is bad grammar ?
Ultimate Judgement
Sorcery
You are the head judge.
"And as such, I hereby declare you illegal."



Lolz
Show
I am Red/White
I am Red/White
Take The Magic Dual Colour Test - Beta today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.
I'm both chaotic and orderly. I value my own principles, and am willing to go to extreme lengths to enforce them, often trampling on the very same principles in the process. At best, I'm heroic and principled; at worst, I'm hypocritical and disorderly.
Black Dawn
Instant
Destroy target nonblack creature.
Rebound.
"This land is ours." -- Drana, Kalastria Bloodchief
Illusion of Ingenuity 
Sorcery
Populate, then profilerate.
Cascade.
"Vig was a fool! I'll succeed where he failed, and show that stinking fish Zegana who the real guildmaster should be!" - Veszjat, rogue Simic cytobotanist
"Waaah there's a few cards I don't like in the latest set! This game sucks now! Everything should just always stay the same because I'm threatened by change! I'm going to quit! I'm quitting! SOMEONE PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEE" - approximately 10% of MtG players on all forums, ever. Read my thoughts, feed my ego! - www.tzaphiel.wordpress.com I'm also a writer! Search for "Gareth Topping" on Amazon!
Agnar Soul Snare -
Artifact - Equipment
Equip Destroy equipped creature. 
"It appears to merely be a shiny bauble.  I don't yet understand the use f-"
------------------------------------------

Currently there are no cards that attach equipment to creatures you don't control.  I find that unfortunate, and in need of a remedy.
Bump.
40 down - only 8 hours to go!
Won a TPmanW contest with Demonic Arbitrator. (see below) My username is a simple continued fraction. Look it up. My favorite cards I've made:
Show
Æther Rider Creatuere - Spirit (U) Vanishing 0 (This permanent enters the battlefield with zero time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter from it. When the last is removed, sacrifice it.) Flying : Put a time counter on ~. Any player may activate this ability. It comes on the wind, from realms unknown. 2/2 Kaldurian Behemoth Creature - Beast (R) Mana produced by lands may not be used to pay ~'s mana cost. Trample On Kalduria, the beasts are too good to eat common grass. 10/10 Demonic Arbitrator Sorcery Starting with you, each player may pay any amount of life. If any player paid life, repeat this process. If a player paid more life in total than any other, that player searches his or her library for a card and puts that card into his or her hand. Then that player shuffles his or her library. "Your sacrifice has been judged worthy. What power do you require?"
Contest Closed!
Grades up in the next hour or two, I hope. 
Won a TPmanW contest with Demonic Arbitrator. (see below) My username is a simple continued fraction. Look it up. My favorite cards I've made:
Show
Æther Rider Creatuere - Spirit (U) Vanishing 0 (This permanent enters the battlefield with zero time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter from it. When the last is removed, sacrifice it.) Flying : Put a time counter on ~. Any player may activate this ability. It comes on the wind, from realms unknown. 2/2 Kaldurian Behemoth Creature - Beast (R) Mana produced by lands may not be used to pay ~'s mana cost. Trample On Kalduria, the beasts are too good to eat common grass. 10/10 Demonic Arbitrator Sorcery Starting with you, each player may pay any amount of life. If any player paid life, repeat this process. If a player paid more life in total than any other, that player searches his or her library for a card and puts that card into his or her hand. Then that player shuffles his or her library. "Your sacrifice has been judged worthy. What power do you require?"
Contest Closed!
Grades up in the next hour or two, I hope. 




LIES!
"Waaah there's a few cards I don't like in the latest set! This game sucks now! Everything should just always stay the same because I'm threatened by change! I'm going to quit! I'm quitting! SOMEONE PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEE" - approximately 10% of MtG players on all forums, ever. Read my thoughts, feed my ego! - www.tzaphiel.wordpress.com I'm also a writer! Search for "Gareth Topping" on Amazon!
Contest Closed!
Grades up in the next hour or two, I hope. 




LIES!



Cut numbers SOME slack. He's fallen into the trap of saying when he's going to grade. The universe NEVER lets that happen. Heheheh
Official archnemesis of magicpablo666 Host of Reactionary Proud owner of "The Terrible Cube" The altimis Archive I'm baking lands!!! Beginner of GROMA
Notable Quotables:
58060728 wrote:
I carefully examine the walls of the room in a determined effort to not follow the GMs plot.
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