Thirty Seconds

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Thirty Seconds

                “E-e-explain it to me again” Radik stammered as goblins skittered about, attaching pads of armor to his legs. The armor was cracked and dented in some places and spattered in blood in others, but it still felt weighty and solid. “It’s very simple” A Rakdos woman named Vazra was talking to him. She was covered in a gratuitous number of tattoos and piercings and wore gaudy brightly colored clothing covered in jewelry. “You have accrued a tremendous debt at some of our gambling houses. You can’t pay that debt. Rather than coming to your home and making an example of you; gutting you like a fish and then stealing everything that isn’t nailed down,” A pause “and then everything that isn’t nailed down, we’ve decided to be generous. You are going to work off your debt; you just need to put on a little show today. If you perform well, your debts with us will gone.” She made a popping noise with her mouth and flailed her hands “Clean slate.” She smiled a toothy smile at him. She was a reasonably attractive woman with surprisingly straight teeth for a Rakdos, but a good deal many of them were fakes made of silver or gold. It made for a rather unsettling image that gave him the feeling a bear trap was smiling at him.


                Radik swallowed hard. “W-what kind of w-work?” “Oh don’t worry, you won’t need to be trained or anything. It’s a sparring match, you go into the ring with another fighter, throw a few punches, take a few punches, try not to die. Simple stuff.” She rattled off the list, checking them off on her fingers. “What was that last par-“ “Don’t worry about it! It’s all part of the show, you’ll be fine!” Another bear trap smile. A goblin shoved a visor down over his eyes. It was a tight fit, and it smelled heavily of sweat and blood.  The armor was ill-fitted on Radik, he appeared to be a good deal scrawnier than the last poor sap who wore this thing. He looked around the locker room he was in, it looked abandoned and unused. For quite some time if the layers of dust and rust were any indication. Just him, the pack of chittering goblins and the tattooed bear trap talking to him. “Any questions?” “Do I have t-“ The smile became a scowl “Do you really want to do the alternative? With the gutting and the looting and the un-nailing of your furniture?” Words failed him, all he could manage was a weak shake of his head. Bear trap smile “Atta boy!” a firm slap on the back. Talking to Vazra was a confusing mix of pleasure and bed-wetting terror; a pretty coat of paint on a dilapidated building. No wonder she fit in with these people. “Well, let’s get to it then. Those debts won’t pay for themselves!” A goblin pushed him and they started parading out of the locker room.


                He was led into a dank hallway, it was in slightly better condition than the locker room. Slightly. There were cracks in the concrete, drips coming from pipes in the ceiling, and the magically fueled lanterns running down the hall looked as though they might go out at any second. There were faded and torn posters of previous shows on the walls, some arrows and signs giving directions to different rooms, and a sign advertising how many days it had been since the last work related accident. The previous number had been written over with a large “000” written in what looked like blood. Gods, he hoped it wasn’t blood. Anything but blood. Vazra walked with direction and purpose and Radik continued to be pushed and pulled by the goblins. They murmured maddening little lines at him ‘You gonna die! You gonna die!’ ‘How long you think he last?’ ‘When you go squish, can me have your clothes?’ ‘Me bet you fiddy shinies he make it!’ Horrid little creatures.


                As they walked, the hallways got slightly less ruined. Slightly. A low rumbling was detectable off in the distance and slowly got louder. Cheers and jeers and hoots and hollers. The stamping of feet and the roar of the crowd. There was a light at the end of the hallway that got brighter and brighter. Radik was pushed blinking blindly into the sun. As his sight returned to him, he was inside a massive arena. Rows upon rows of seats filled with the wondrous mix of peoples that called Ravnica home. As he was lead to the ring, the cheering intensified and a chorus began in the crowd. “Fresh meat! Fresh meat! Fresh meat!”  Radik turned to Vazra “F-fresh meat?” “Oh don’t worry about that! It’s just an expression like ‘break a leg’ or ‘knock em dead’!” Radik was not reassured.


                Several goblins were in the ring with washrags, scrubbing away at a pool of blood. As Radik gawked, wondering how someone could have so much blood inside of them, a booming voice that seemed to come from everywhere began announcing. “For our next match, we have something special for you! A redemption fight!” Excited murmurs rose from the audience as the voice continued and a shotline suddenly illuminated Radik, in all his terror “Radik here accumulated some debts to the Cult. How much debt? All of it! More than he could ever hope to pay off if he outlived Rakdos himself! But he’s a ballsy sort of fella, so he volunteered to pay off that debt in the manliest way possible. A fight to the death to defend his honor and wipe his slate clean!” “Wait, what did he sa-“ Then Radik was pushed into the ring. It was an elevated, six-sided platform with elastic ropes.


                “The conditions of the fight are simple, Radik has to last thirty seconds in the ring. It’s as simple as that, folks! After thirty seconds, whether or not he’s still alive, Radik will be a free man!” “W-w-what!?” Radik had gotten in way over his head. He should have just let them break his legs and be done with it, at least that way it wouldn’t be a spectacle. If he was going to be lynched, he didn’t want the whole world to know about it, how he was a lousy gambler that was going to die in a gutter. “With that, let’s see who Radik will be going up against!” The lights dimmed except for several spotlights, which all centered on the largest hallway leading from the underground. “Born from the bloodiest pit in the deepest, darkest parts of Rix Maddi; he was raised on a steady diet of gore and indebted gamblers” the audience cheered “Nasil the Bonebreaker!”


                The doors to the hallway began to creak open, but before they could finish they were unceremoniously shattered. Out stepped an impressive specimen of ogre, roaring triumphantly. He must have stood ten feet tall, at least; equipped with armor much like Radik’s, except less shoddy looking. The audience exploded, he was evidentially a very popular attraction. He started strutting towards the stage making poses as he went. He jumped over the ropes in a single bound and then ring shook with the impact of his landing. Radik fell onto his back and the audience laughed at his plight.


                As Radik pulled himself to his feet he noticed bars being lowered around the ring. “That’s just g-great, I’m going to die in a c-c-cage” He looked up; Nasil’s hulking frame loomed over him, silhouetted by the blinding spotlights. “All right, let’s put 30 seconds on the clock.” Several large screens attached to the ceiling lit up, displaying a large glowing number 30 upon them. “And begin!” DING! “Okay, so here’s the th-“ Like a bolt of lightning Nasil kneed Radik in the gut, sending him flying into the side the cage. He fell, tumbling off of the ropes, onto the stage floor. He lost all sensation for a moment. “What just happened” he thought to himself before the searing pain in his abdomen made him remember. He curled into the fedal position and began to vomit. He felt Nasil’s footsteps reverberate through the floor. A weight crushed down on his back like a cinderblock and he was lying prone, gasping for air. He was kicked in the side, rolled several times, then lay face up looking towards the ceiling. Through his pain, he glanced at one of the timers “27… 26…” He was doomed.


                He began to roll over when Nasil stomped on his left arm. Radik screamed in pain and began instinctively clawing at Nasil’s massive foot. Nasil grabbed Radik’s free arm, lifted his foot and threw him into the ceiling of the cage. The timer glared at him “23… 22…” He grabbed onto one of the ceiling bars, hoping to pull himself out of reach until the time ran out. “PUNCHING BAG!” Nasil roared. He crouched, leaped, and punched Radik straight into the chest. He was propelled violently into the floor and bounced off of it. He could distinctly taste blood in his mouth. “17…” He managed to pull himself to his feet just in time to miss getting kicked in the teeth.


                He hadn’t noticed the ringing in his ears until it faded and he heard the roar of the crowd and the taunts of the announcer “How about that folks, he managed to dodge one!” “13…” He started to run. He didn’t have to win, he just had to survive. He didn’t last long, any sort of exertion produces a stabbing pain in his chest. Before he could figure out what was wrong, he felt a hand wrap around his leg. He was yanked backward and Nasil lifted him over his head and slammed him into the floor. Radik was sure his leg was broken. “9…” He looked over his shoulder to see what shape his leg had taken and caught a faceful of knuckles. He felt the blood trickle out of his nose into his mouth. Nasil took his head and slammed it into the mat leaving a bloody faceprint. Radik was flipped onto his back and furiously backhanded. Everything seemed to slow down; his head felt numb. He spit out several teeth but he couldn’t feel that they were missing.


It was a very unusual sensation. Everything moved like it was underwater. He looked up at his aggressor. He could tell that he was being punched in the face, but he didn’t feel it. He could see the blood splattered on his knuckles, but he didn’t know he was bleeding. He glanced up at the clock “7…” He kept staring at it, and after an eternity it flashed to “6…” So this was it huh? This is how he would die. His mother tried to warn him about the Rakdos, how they couldn’t be trusted. She told him that even their most innocent looking establishments were still being funded by a lunatic murder cult. But he didn’t listen, and now he was being executed on a stage for the whole world to see. “4…”


He felt like crying. He wouldn’t notice if he was at this point. His point of view was shifted; he was looking Nasil in the face. From the look of it Nasil was holding his head up. He couldn’t feel it though. Nasil’s spare hand was winding back. This was going to be the last blow. The audience was losing their minds but as far as Radik was concerned they weren’t even here. He closed his eyes and waited for the end. Just him and his thoughts, soon it would be all over. He would be at peace, no more debt, no more pain, why was this taking so long.


He opened his eyes and he was being held up by Nasil, arms raised. Confetti was showering from above and the cage was retracting into the ceiling. Vazra pulled herself into the ring and began speaking to Radik, but he still couldn’t hear what she was saying. She pointed up and Radik traced her finger to a giant blinking “0” on one of the screens. With his fight-addled brain it took him some time to register that he had ‘won’. He had gone into debt with the Rakdos and lived to tell the tale. And all it took was a broken leg, a broken arm, a concussion, 11 missing teeth, 7 broken ribs, a punctured spleen, a shattered pelvis and a hospital bill a mile long.



Show

Pit Fighter

Creature-Ogre Berserker
Creatures your opponents control gain "Tap: Fight Pit Fighter."
6/5    
 

 
Some great visuals in this one, I really liked it! There are only three real criticicsms/suggestions for you.

1) Break up conversations into seperate paragraphs. Instead of, "He said this." "She said that." it should be:

"He said this."

"She said that."

Lumping them together makes it difficult to track which speaker is going at which time. Breaking them up provides a more natural flow. If you need somone to to interrupt something, break it up with "...words-" INTERRUPTION "-more words." If the interruption is someone speaking, move to a new paragraph instead.

2) Same thing with thoughts. Don't use the same quotation marks you use for characters speaking. Typically they'll be italicized, or italicized and placed in '_' marks differentiate them from spoken sentences.

3) The use of screens in the fight seemed a bit anachronistic to me. It made me think of television screens, which would be badly out of place. You've got a bunch of ogres and goblins and sadists half drunk and cheering as this poor guy in busted armor gets pummeled by a ten foot ogre, and they're watching the entire thing on a Jumbotron? Did Sony open a branch with the Izzet or something? Instead of a screen, maybe have them glowing inside a crystal, or just hanging over the fight. You've got magic to work with, so why limit yourself to mundane tech?
I didn't want to waste too much time on the screens because they ultimately weren't all that important.
It was my intent that the look like those little things on the Izzet gauntlets, but bigger. 
I don't have time for an in-line critique, or even really a detailed review, but I skimmed it and liked what I saw :D

Your stories are cool, Thoctar.

Hm, if we can get a few more writers, we might actually be able to put together an honest to goodness anthology. For once. If I can get my @&#% together.
Coming Soon to the Magic: Expanded Multiverse: FRAGMENTS: A Shards of Alara Anthology
(Click through to view the cover and announcement page)Want to get your work in the Expanded Multiverse? Come join the project! Oh, and check out my blog, Storming the Ivory Tower: making sense of academia, media, and culture twice weekly.

Yay me :D

My intention was that it be pitch black humor.
He got out of his debt, but he didn't know he would survive and was beaten within an inch of his life as a public spectacle and no one seemed to care. 

On that note, it worked wonderfully. Especially the fact that by getting getting out of debt he ended up right back in debt, probably to another group. I'm thinking Orzhov maybe?
On that note, it worked wonderfully. Especially the fact that by getting getting out of debt he ended up right back in debt, probably to another group. I'm thinking Orzhov maybe?



O.O


kukukuku~
You've just given me so many story ideas.   
That's the fun thing about writing. Stories never really end so much as the author either runs out of pages or what follows is just really boring. "Happily ever after" is just short hand for, "Spent the next forty years getting up, going to work, coming home, eating dinner, doing the dishes, maybe fooling around a little if they felt up to it, probably popped out a couple of kids somewhere along the line, had a couple stupid arguments, grew old and kicked the bucket." But then, hey, what did the kids get up to?
I don't have time for an in-line critique, or even really a detailed review, but I skimmed it and liked what I saw :D

Your stories are cool, Thoctar.

Hm, if we can get a few more writers, we might actually be able to put together an honest to goodness anthology. For once. If I can get my @&#% together.



I've written several MtG stories for friends of mine, but they are all erotic, and so probably would not fit ;)
Rules Adviser, casual tournament organizer, lover of EDH and MtG evangelist.
I don't have time for an in-line critique, or even really a detailed review, but I skimmed it and liked what I saw :D

Your stories are cool, Thoctar.

Hm, if we can get a few more writers, we might actually be able to put together an honest to goodness anthology. For once. If I can get my @&#% together.



I've written several MtG stories for friends of mine, but they are all erotic, and so probably would not fit ;)

I... oh man. I am so conflicted about this... >_> I personally would be totally ok with putting well written erotica into M:EM, but when I think globally about the project it's like... this would result in problems, you know?

Bluh.

@Deckhopper:

This is why I love shared universes. Hence M:EM :P

@Thoctar:

Speaking of story ideas, did you notice that Ruwin slipped in a reference to your Rakdos story in his Orzhov story?

I'll re-read this today and give you some comments. 
Coming Soon to the Magic: Expanded Multiverse: FRAGMENTS: A Shards of Alara Anthology
(Click through to view the cover and announcement page)Want to get your work in the Expanded Multiverse? Come join the project! Oh, and check out my blog, Storming the Ivory Tower: making sense of academia, media, and culture twice weekly.

EPIC REVIEW TEAM ALPHA STAR SAILOR GIRL GO!

Thirty Seconds


                “E-e-explain it to me again” EXPLAIN TO ME! THE ATHOR COMENTS AL TOTOL LIES alright, alright, I'll be serious now. Radik stammered as goblins skittered about, attaching pads of armor to his legs. The armor was cracked and dented in some places and spattered in blood in others, but it still felt weighty and solid.

“It’s very simple” A Rakdos woman named Vazra was talking to him. She was covered in a gratuitous number of tattoos and piercings and wore gaudy brightly colored clothing covered in jewelry. “You have accrued a tremendous debt at some of our gambling houses. You can’t pay that debt. Rather than coming to your home and making an example of you--gutting you like a fish and then stealing everything that isn’t nailed down,” A pause “and then everything that isn’t nailed down--we’ve decided to be generous. You are going to work off your debt; you just need to put on a little show today. If you perform well, your debts with us will gone.” She made a popping noise with her mouth and flailed her hands I love this description. The body language really builds her character. “Clean slate.” She smiled a toothy smile at him. She was a reasonably attractive woman with surprisingly straight teeth for a Rakdos, but a good deal many of them were fakes made of silver or gold. It made for a rather unsettling image that gave him the feeling a bear trap was smiling at him. :D


                Radik swallowed hard. “W-what kind of w-work?” “Oh don’t worry, you won’t need to be trained or anything. It’s a sparring match, you go into the ring with another fighter, throw a few punches, take a few punches, try not to die. Simple stuff.” She rattled off the list, checking them off on her fingers.

“What was that last par-“

“Don’t worry about it! It’s all part of the show, you’ll be fine!” Another bear trap smile. A goblin shoved a visor down over his eyes. It was a tight fit, and it smelled heavily of sweat and blood.  The armor was ill-fitted on Radik; he appeared to be a good deal scrawnier than the last poor sap who wore this thing. He looked around the locker room he was in. It looked abandoned and unused. For quite some time if the layers of dust and rust were any indication. Just him, the pack of chittering goblins and the tattooed bear trap talking to him. “Any questions?”

“Do I have t-“

The smile became a scowl “Do you really want to do the alternative? With the gutting and the looting and the un-nailing of your furniture?” Words failed him, all he could manage was a weak shake of his head. Bear trap smile “Atta boy!” a firm slap on the back. Talking to Vazra was a confusing mix of pleasure and bed-wetting terror; a pretty coat of paint on a dilapidated building. No wonder she fit in with these people. “Well, let’s get to it then. Those debts won’t pay for themselves!” A goblin pushed him and they started parading out of the locker room.


                He was led into a dank hallway. It was in slightly better condition than the locker room. Slightly. There were cracks in the concrete, drips coming from pipes in the ceiling, and the magically fueled lanterns running down the hall looked as though they might go out at any second. There were faded and torn posters of previous shows on the walls, some arrows and signs giving directions to different rooms, and a sign advertising how many days it had been since the last work related accident. The previous number had been written over with a large “000” written in what looked like blood. Gods, he hoped it wasn’t blood. Anything but blood. Vazra walked with direction and purpose and Radik continued to be pushed and pulled by the goblins. They murmured maddening little lines at him ‘You gonna die! You gonna die!’ ‘How long you think he last?’ ‘When you go squish, can me have your clothes?’ ‘Me bet you fiddy shinies he make it!’ Horrid little creatures.


                As they walked, the hallways got slightly less ruined. Slightly. A low rumbling was detectable off in the distance and slowly got louder. Cheers and jeers and hoots and hollers. The stamping of feet and the roar of the crowd. There was a light at the end of the hallway that got brighter and brighter. Radik was pushed blinking blindly into the sun. As his sight returned to him, he realized he? was inside a massive arena. Rows upon rows of seats filled with the wondrous mix of peoples that called Ravnica home. As he was lead to the ring, the cheering intensified and a chorus began in the crowd. “Fresh meat! Fresh meat! Fresh meat!”  

Radik turned to Vazra “F-fresh meat?”

“Oh don’t worry about that! It’s just an expression like ‘break a leg’ or ‘knock em dead’!” Radik was not reassured.


                Several goblins were in the ring with washrags, scrubbing away at a pool of blood. As Radik gawked, wondering how someone could have so much blood inside of them, a booming voice that seemed to come from everywhere began announcing. “For our next match, we have something special for you! A redemption fight!” Excited murmurs rose from the audience as the voice continued and a shotline suddenly illuminated Radik, in all his terror “Radik here accumulated some debts to the Cult. How much debt? All of it! AAAAAAAALL OF IT! :::;) More than he could ever hope to pay off if he outlived Rakdos himself! But he’s a ballsy sort of fella, so he volunteered to pay off that debt in the manliest way possible. A fight to the death to defend his honor and wipe his slate clean!”

“Wait, what did he sa-“ Then Radik was pushed into the ring. It was an elevated, six-sided platform with elastic ropes.


                “The conditions of the fight are simple, Radik has to last thirty seconds in the ring. It’s as simple as that, folks! After thirty seconds, whether or not he’s still alive, Radik will be a free man!”

“W-w-what!?” Radik had gotten in way over his head. He should have just let them break his legs and be done with it, at least that way it wouldn’t be a spectacle. If he was going to be lynched, he didn’t want the whole world to know about it, how he was a lousy gambler that was going to die in a gutter.

“With that, let’s see who Radik will be going up against!” The lights dimmed except for several spotlights, which all centered on the largest hallway leading from the underground. “Born from the bloodiest pit in the deepest, darkest parts of Rix Maddi; he was raised on a steady diet of gore and indebted gamblers” the audience cheered “Nasil the Bonebreaker!”


                The doors to the hallway began to creak open, but before they could finish they were unceremoniously shattered. Out stepped an impressive specimen of ogre, roaring triumphantly. He must have stood ten feet tall, at least; equipped with armor much like Radik’s, except less shoddy looking. The audience exploded, he was evidentially a very popular attraction. He started strutting towards the stage making poses as he went. He jumped over the ropes in a single bound and then ring shook with the impact of his landing. Radik fell onto his back and the audience laughed at his plight.


                As Radik pulled himself to his feet he noticed bars being lowered around the ring. “That’s just g-great, I’m going to die in a c-c-cage” He looked up; Nasil’s hulking frame loomed over him, silhouetted by the blinding spotlights.

“All right, let’s put 30 seconds on the clock.” Several large screens attached to the ceiling lit up, displaying a large glowing number 30 upon them. “And begin!” DING! “Okay, so here’s the th-“ Not sure quite what's going on in this moment. I think you need to clarify it a little. Like a bolt of lightning Nasil kneed Radik in the gut, sending him flying into the side the cage. He fell, tumbling off of the ropes, onto the stage floor. He lost all sensation for a moment. “What just happened” he thought to himself before the searing pain in his abdomen made him remember. He curled into the fedal position and began to vomit. He felt Nasil’s footsteps reverberate through the floor. A weight crushed down on his back like a cinderblock and he was lying prone, gasping for air. He was kicked in the side, rolled several times, then lay face up looking towards the ceiling. Through his pain, he glanced at one of the timers “27… 26…” He was doomed.


                He began to roll over when Nasil stomped on his left arm. Radik screamed in pain and began instinctively clawing at Nasil’s massive foot. Nasil grabbed Radik’s free arm, lifted his foot and threw him into the ceiling of the cage. The timer glared at him “23… 22…” He grabbed onto one of the ceiling bars, hoping to pull himself out of reach until the time ran out. “PUNCHING BAG!” Nasil roared. Ahahaha. He crouched, leaped, and punched Radik straight into the chest. He was propelled violently into the floor and bounced off of it. He could distinctly taste blood in his mouth. “17…” He managed to pull himself to his feet just in time to miss getting kicked in the teeth.


                He hadn’t noticed the ringing in his ears until it faded and he heard the roar of the crowd and the taunts of the announcer “How about that folks, he managed to dodge one!” “13…” He started to run. He didn’t have to win, he just had to survive. He didn’t last long, any sort of exertion produces a stabbing pain in his chest. Before he could figure out what was wrong, he felt a hand wrap around his leg. He was yanked backward and Nasil lifted him over his head and slammed him into the floor. Radik was sure his leg was broken. “9…” He looked over his shoulder to see what shape his leg had taken and caught a faceful of knuckles. He felt the blood trickle out of his nose into his mouth. Nasil took his head and slammed it into the mat leaving a bloody faceprint. Radik was flipped onto his back and furiously backhanded. Everything seemed to slow down; his head felt numb. He spit out several teeth but he couldn’t feel that they were missing.


It was a very unusual sensation. Everything moved like it was underwater. He looked up at his aggressor. He could tell that he was being punched in the face, but he didn’t feel it. He could see the blood splattered on his knuckles, but he didn’t know he was bleeding. He glanced up at the clock “7…” He kept staring at it, and after an eternity it flashed to “6…” So this was it huh? This is how he would die. His mother tried to warn him about the Rakdos, how they couldn’t be trusted. She told him that even their most innocent looking establishments were still being funded by a lunatic murder cult. But he didn’t listen, and now he was being executed on a stage for the whole world to see. “4…”


He felt like crying. He wouldn’t notice if he was at this point. His point of view was shifted; he was looking Nasil in the face. From the look of it Nasil was holding his head up. He couldn’t feel it though. Nasil’s spare hand was winding back. This was going to be the last blow. The audience was losing their minds but as far as Radik was concerned they weren’t even here. He closed his eyes and waited for the end. Just him and his thoughts, soon it would be all over. He would be at peace, no more debt, no more pain, why was this taking so long.


He opened his eyes and he was being held up by Nasil, arms raised. Confetti was showering from above and the cage was retracting into the ceiling. Vazra pulled herself into the ring and began speaking to Radik, but he still couldn’t hear what she was saying. She pointed up and Radik traced her finger to a giant blinking “0” on one of the screens. With his fight-addled brain it took him some time to register that he had ‘won’. He had gone into debt with the Rakdos and lived to tell the tale.

And all it took was a broken leg, a broken arm, a concussion, 11 missing teeth, 7 broken ribs, a punctured spleen, a shattered pelvis and a hospital bill a mile long.


Pit Fighter

Creature-Ogre Berserker
Creatures your opponents control gain "Tap: Fight Pit Fighter."
6/5    

Well done. I think the story came together well. It seems a little odd that Radik survived considering the opposition, so maybe you could add something in to make that a bit more understandable? And I agree with Deckhopper that you could break up your paragraphs a bit more. Overall, though, I think it's a solid piece of writing, with some really great characters (Can I borrow Vazra?) and a really cool piece of card design, too.

Coming Soon to the Magic: Expanded Multiverse: FRAGMENTS: A Shards of Alara Anthology
(Click through to view the cover and announcement page)Want to get your work in the Expanded Multiverse? Come join the project! Oh, and check out my blog, Storming the Ivory Tower: making sense of academia, media, and culture twice weekly.
I... oh man. I am so conflicted about this... >_> I personally would be totally ok with putting well written erotica into M:EM, but when I think globally about the project it's like... this would result in problems, you know?

Bluh.



There are definitely not things to be anthologized. I was teaching Magic to a young lady I know who was also aware of my tendencies when writing, and she became enamored of the card Induce Despair. And I have a weakness for the unutterably vile :D
Rules Adviser, casual tournament organizer, lover of EDH and MtG evangelist.
Induce Despair



Not this again...


After the official forums lost most of their functionality, a once vibrant community of Vorthos was wiped out.The survivors founded a new place to discuss all things concerning with the art, flavor and storylines of Magic: The Gathering. Come join us.


 Not sure quite what's going on in this moment. I think you need to clarify it a little.




My intent was that Radik try to explain his situation and beg for mercy, could probably have been more clear. 

It seems a little odd that Radik survived considering the opposition,

It was supposed to be black humor, wouldn't be as funny if he actually died.

you could break up your paragraphs a bit more.

Definitely

Can I borrow Vazra?

:D Sure!
I don't have time for an in-line critique, or even really a detailed review, but I skimmed it and liked what I saw :D

Your stories are cool, Thoctar.

Hm, if we can get a few more writers, we might actually be able to put together an honest to goodness anthology. For once. If I can get my @&#% together.



I've written several MtG stories for friends of mine, but they are all erotic, and so probably would not fit ;)

I... oh man. I am so conflicted about this... >_> I personally would be totally ok with putting well written erotica into M:EM, but when I think globally about the project it's like... this would result in problems, you know?

Bluh.

@Deckhopper:

This is why I love shared universes. Hence M:EM :P
 



Hey, I'll have that little adventuring team properly re-written one of these days! I just have to find the time, and they are, admittedly, a third tier project at this point. Actually, now that I think about it, I might not even have the files anymore, which is probbly going to make re-writing them that much easier...

What are the problems with erotics? If its a matter of terms, there are plenty of loopholes around that one. Well, at least if you actually know what you are writing about... *thinks of some of the fics he has been shown and begins to sob* If its a matter of content that could be a bit trickier, I suppose. If it is a matter of offending people, well, its their choice to read what they read, and if offends them its their own damned fault.
Hm, I think my major hesitation comes from the fact that we're already in the realm of the barely-if-that-legal. It really would take very little to draw the eye of Sauron, as it were, and I don't want the whole project shut down, or even the whole archive thread (like, I can see someone reporting the archive thread for linking to an erotic piece, and there goes all that work, you know?).

Honestly, I'm nervous about the Alara Anthology for the same reason. But maybe we should throw caution to the winds and just go for it? I don't know. 
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It might make sense to just limit the ages to 21 and over, then. We shouldn't need to worry about the ages of official characters, because of memory serves the M:EM doesn't allow for thoe sorts of stories, correct?

As for getting in trouble, let me go check the R&R for the site and see what it says.

EDIT: Worst case scenario, we make it a matter of "Passing the tapes" and just have on person responsible for a private archive and distribution. I've got a couple of contacts and accounts on different sites, if it comes down to that.
I'm worried for two reasons.

1. It'd be too easy to attract the attention of the wrong kind of person (either sleazemongers OR people who are entirely too easily offended)

2. It's hard to do erotica in a tasteful way.    
This is the big killer to the idea:

2. Do not use, post, distribute or link to obscene, pornographic, sexually explicit, graphically or gratuitously violent, derogatory, demeaning, malicious, defamatory, abusive, offensive, hateful or discriminatory language or content. This includes "masking" language by using alternative characters/spelling /spacing to get around profanity filters or claims of profanity filter “testing."



So if we do want to collect the fics, they'd have to be listed under a third party site. Most have built in age filters already, so that wouldn't be an issue. There would be the issue of making a seperate account for it, but if we designated someone as the official "owner" they'd also be responsible for filtering any content posted to it.
Firstly; oh gosh, are my fics of people being mutilated by Rakdos jerkfaces a violation of that? D:

Second; yeeeeeah, just seems like more trouble than it's worth. 
Firstly; oh gosh, are my fics of people being mutilated by Rakdos jerkfaces a violation of that? D:.



Your violence is artistic violence. There are also worse things depicted on Magic-cards, probably.


Erotic (fan)fiction is A) extremely hard to do well and B) attracts persons you might not want in your community.

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Thoctar, I wouldn't worry about it. Most of the violence as write about here is actually pretty tame, all things considered.

As for the eros stuff, erotic fanfiction is like any other form of fiction as far as being subject to Sturgeon's Law is concerned. The only real difference is that only other piece of fiction I've seen make adults break down and cry from the sheer, unadulterated horror of what they are reading has been Twilight. Bad erotica just tends to make people laugh, if anything else.

As for attracting people into the community, eh. People will be skeazy because people are skeazy, not because of the content. I hang out on one of the larger sites, and the people there are pretty much the same as the people here, the conversations can just be a bit more frank, is all. If someone wants to slobber all over themselves because of Jace, they're going to slobber all over themsleves because of Jace no matter what we do.
Honestly, there's code violations and there's code violations, if you catch my drift. And American society is, for some idiotic reason, more disturbed by breasts than by people getting squished to death by giants. I wouldn't worry, Thoctar.

And truthfully there's some stuff already in the archives that is on the borderline of disturbing (some stuff that I have written, even). There's no hard and fast rule... it's just that like super explicit sex scenes would probably not go over too well.

But yeah, it just seems like more trouble than it's really worth. I mean, what "create a separate site that has an age limiter and bla bla bla" really translates to is, "Hey, Keeper, why don't you create a separate site that &c." and I just... don't... feel like it, you know?
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And American society is, for some idiotic reason, more disturbed by breasts than by people getting squished to death by giants.

Which is weird, because more than three times as many people are crushed to death by breasts than giants every year.
Honestly, there's code violations and there's code violations, if you catch my drift. And American society is, for some idiotic reason, more disturbed by breasts than by people getting squished to death by giants. I wouldn't worry, Thoctar.

And truthfully there's some stuff already in the archives that is on the borderline of disturbing (some stuff that I have written, even). There's no hard and fast rule... it's just that like super explicit sex scenes would probably not go over too well.

But yeah, it just seems like more trouble than it's really worth. I mean, what "create a separate site that has an age limiter and bla bla bla" really translates to is, "Hey, Keeper, why don't you create a separate site that &c." and I just... don't... feel like it, you know?



Um, I meant create an account on an already established site, one already created for such purposes. Heck, if you want I can it later this afternoon when I'm not at work. (Write such material at work? Go right ahead! Post the material you just wrote? THAT SITE IS FORBIDDEN!) It will take me maybe ten minutes and possible permission from one source, or just a go ahead on another site.
Bleh, I don't know. How would it be set up with the existing archive?
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Just mention it in a note or something similar. An outright link would violate terms, but if I name the account something recognizable we can just tell people where it is and let them search from there. I'd use the same account name for a gmail address for people to submit to, and to filter based on content.
Maybe I should open a voting thread... possibly just in this forum, since I'm not sure if most of the voting M:EMbers will see it in the subforum, unfortunately -_-

Or maybe I should just tell Barinellos to give a ruling since he's nominally the Overlord of the project at the moment.
Coming Soon to the Magic: Expanded Multiverse: FRAGMENTS: A Shards of Alara Anthology
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Whatever works best for you guys. Its your show, after all.
Induce Despair



Not this again...






I know, right? It's not my subject matter of choice, but I'm an absolute sucker for people asking me to write about unutterably vile things.
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