The Vault of Forbidden Experiments: I need your help to fill it.

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So in the city dominated by cut-throat guilds, there is a mage's guild. It is run by a consortium of kooks who generally have an intelligence of 25 and a wisdom of 8. Despite their poor judgement, they have a vault where they secret away the things that even they admit are too dangerous to have sitting around.  

I am looking for crazy items to fill this vault. Do you guys have any awesome stories about artifacts that are both incredibly powerful and REALLY dangerous? Think SCP meets the Izzet guildmages from Ravnica.

Examples of what I am talking about:

A disposable magic phial that summons a Balor, or something else horrible of equivalent power. Note that the Balor is not beholden to you or anyone else and is probably really angry.  

An artifact that causes zombie apocalypses

A sword that feeds on souls, and gives you power proportionate to your opponent, but turns you into Billy the Kid. Everyone in a ten mile radius knows about the sword and the power they could gain by wielding it. 

A magical hourglass that when activated restartes time in a 24 hour cycle within a certain radius while quickly erasing the memories of the people who know about it.

An extremely antagonistic and prone-to-misunderstanding-wishes-Genie. 

A parasitic shadow that eats your shadow, reproduces, and spreads.

The last surviving carrier of an extremely intelligent magical disease(think the flood but magic).

Do you guys have any awesome/horrible magic artifact stories?
A warhorn containing the echoing roar of a fearsome primordial. it splits the ground into fissures and can even shake mountains.

A heart-shaped vial contianing the ichor of a demon prince. When poured into the land, it taints a ten-mile radius. When consumed, it transforms the user into an abomination. The vial always refills after a year.

A book that reveals truths (read corrupting and subtle lies) about both the present and the future of any person that writes thier name in thier own blood on the first page. It writes itself and reveals the future piece by piece, while corrupting its reader. It also reveals some truth, especially in the begining, in order for the person to trust it.

A bag containg infernal ashes. If these ashes are tossed on a single entity, it will instantly teleport that person unto Avernus's surface.

The body of a mindflayer lord, kept asleep by powerful warding magic.

HTH 

He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. -Revelation 21:6

Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee.-John Donne, Meditation XVII

My photo was found here.

I really like the demon prince ichor one. Thats awesome. Keep 'em coming!

New idea: A normal, unmagical, sheet of paper that contains a song. It's just a little ditty the ancient Primordial Imix came up with, romping around the elemental plane of fire at the dawn of time. When played or song by a properly aligned individual within the presence of fire, that fire becomes... unruly.

Properties of the Elemental Flame:

1. It resists all mundane(and most magical) attempts at snuffing out
2. It generally persists even after the fuel is expended
3. It can burn using usually non-flammable things, like stone and metal, albeit at a much slower pace 
4. It spreads really, really fast, sometimes leaping to cross gaps of up to 10 feet
5. It has a face. It watches you, silently laughing.
These items look harmless, but carry massive destructive potential.

A wedge of hard cheese, magically suspended in the air, kept in a glass case. Any object (living or unliving) that the cheese touches, is rapidly turned into the same type of cheese. This effect continues at a rate of about two feet per minute, up to a radius of 1,200 feet from original point of infection. This object was created by a resident archmage several years ago when he atempted to use magic to create a "cheese spread" for his lunch. The only known way to stop the cheese spread, is amputation, and incineration. All secondary cheese generated is edible once it is no longer physically conected to the original cheese. The cheese is also magically delicious.

A seemingly plain sheet of paper. Writen on this paper is in fact the funniest joke in the world. Penned by a powerful bard many years ago, who died right after he finished it. Anyone who reads the joke, laughs themselves to death. Death can be avoided by radidly applying a sleep spell, followed by a forget spell.

The most comfortable pair of underwear. Any who sees it, desire to wear it. If someone puts it on, all others around him are overcome by an urge to kill him and take them as thier own.

A malfuctioning canteen of never ending water. When the top is reoved, a 1 meter wide torrent of water under thousands of pounds of pressure jets out. It is powerful enough to send it flying away, and the stream can break stone with its force. It releases so much water, locals areas are quickly flooded.

A magic shoehorn, which makes everything in a 5 miles radius shrink, in order to get the persons foot to fit into thier shoe. (the shoe does not shrink). Someone with large feet, using it on a very small shoe, can have disastrous results.





A few extra...


a cursed coin that changes other coins it touches into copper coins a few days after contact.


a powerful artifact of good that is kept hidden not because the object itself is dangerous, but because its use or reveal will immediately gain the attention of an evil god/demon lord/infernal prince/far realm entity who wishes to destroy the artifact and everything around it.

a vial containing a few tears of Melora herself when she was exiled from the world. When spillt unto the ground/ocean it summons a hurricane/powerful storm in one hour with a wrath equal to the godess herself. Plant life grows and takes on a life of its own and animals are warped with a surge of primal fury.

one of the hammers used to set the foundation stones of Sigil, the City of Doors. If struck against the stonework of a city three times, it teleports everything connected to the stonework unto a random plane. A month must pass before it is used again.

a mask worn by the former high priest of Thazurdin's largest cult. it is actually a coil of chain that when wrapped around the head, comes to life. It nerarly crushes its victim and embeds itself into its skin. While worn, the mask grants a portion of the abyssal shard's power, al the while siphoning life and strength the to chained god.

the Scroll of the Bitter Legion. The scroll has some psionic energy and its true power is only available to someone seeped in hate and a lust for vengence. When read by said person, a legion of psionic spirits that are absolutely obedient appear to reap carnage and revenge indiscriminately. After use, the scroll claims its reader's soul/psionic spirit which appears as an image on the scroll.

HTH


 

He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. -Revelation 21:6

Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee.-John Donne, Meditation XVII

My photo was found here.

- A reproducing golem, if released the golem will seek the materials neseccary to make an exact copy of itself that in turn will also seek to reproduce, if left unchecked this golem could strip a whole country of all natural resources in a couple of years.

- A seemingly harmless imp trapped in a soundproof cage, the imp is a schemer without peer in the multiverse, the only way to stop it's extremely complex plan for world domination was trapping it in a cage where noone would hear it's seemingly harmless offers and requests.

- The corpse of an angel, the angel was killed during the dawn war and a speak with the dead ritual used to extort it's secrets would bring out some very nasty truths about creation, the gods and primordials.

- A magical orb that stores all lies told within a VERY large radius around it, breaking the orb would grant insight that could topple several empires.

- A sack that creates an unlimited supply of temporary coinage, this item could quite easily destroy the economic foundation of the civilised realms.

- A pouch filled with simple plant seeds, if planted they will grow into the worst weed the world has seen, they will grow and spread extremely fast and quell all other plant life anywhere they spread in a matter of hours.
Oh man SgtFreakshow, some of these are the bomb. 

PUT THEM IN THE VAULT, DO IT NOW FOR THE SAKE OF THE EMPIRE. 
Happy to help, got afew more:

An old man crucified on a large holy symbol of a good aligned god, the old man has no clue why he was crucified and why he is still alive (he's been strung up on that symbol for centuries), he is possessed by a powerful demon however, that is currently dormant because of the crucifixion, should he be released the demon will once again take over control of the poor old guy.

A magic lamp containing a nihilistic efreet, the efreet grants three wishes to whoever releases it, however it will do everything in it's power to twist any wish it grants into a major catastrophe.

An old spellbook devoted to the art of necromancy, the spellbook was originally penned by a mute necromancer and so he enchanted it to speak out loud (and thus casting) any ritual read in it, the creator of the spellbook is long dead, but throughout history this spellbook have caused alot of trouble when found by unwitting adventurers whose curiousity got them to read it's contents (think Evil Dead).

A tiny wooden box encrusted with rare and precious gemstones trapped in a magical stasis field, the box is the phylactery of a very powerful and malevolent lich who lies dormant in a tomb somewhere in the world aslong as his phylactery is kept frozen in time.
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