Trolls in my Dungeon

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I apologize in advance if this question has already been anwsered on this forum before.

I have recently begun DMing for a small group of friends who were interested in playing D&D. I had some experience as a PC and they thought that I could do this since I am myself an aspiring writer. I quickly got pulled into the DMing thing and have found myself doing it pretty much every weekend.

The problem I have is with my PC's. I have six people altogether, one with a lot of experience, three with a bit of experience, and two with almost none at all. But three exact individuals make it really hard for me to run the campaign properly. To put it in a way that's easier to understand: They troll. A lot.

They mostly don't do things that are a threat to them and their companions, but they ask questions like "Can we **** her/him?" when encountering NPC  that I describe as attractive, they refuse to do certain things just because they know those things are somehow related to the story, they purposely provoke certain events during battle so they can jest about it, etc. I know they have to be penalized for it, but I don't know what sort of penalty they should get. Punishing them by removing them from the campaign would ruin the game since we are good friends and they would take it personally, but any sort of punishment that uses the game mechanics like NPCs refusing cooperation or city guards reacting to mischief have been futile. 
I apologize in advance if this question has already been anwsered on this forum before.

No need to apologize. This sort of thing is the main point of this forum.

I have recently begun DMing for a small group of friends who were interested in playing D&D. I had some experience as a PC and they thought that I could do this since I am myself an aspiring writer. I quickly got pulled into the DMing thing and have found myself doing it pretty much every weekend.

Having a writer's imagination can help with DMing, and with playing, just don't confuse either with writing.

They mostly don't do things that are a threat to them and their companions, but they ask questions like "Can we **** her/him?" when encountering NPC  that I describe as attractive,

That'd be a concern for me, but really only for the social implications. If they say "rob," or other generally PG things, it's probably worth accommodating them.

they refuse to do certain things just because they know those things are somehow related to the story,

Let them. Encourage them. Work with them. Your players are more important than your story. If they decide to do something, assume that's exactly what they want to do and make the game about that.

they purposely provoke certain events during battle so they can jest about it, etc.

Perhaps I need more information about that, because that's sort of what the game is about.

I know they have to be penalized for it, but I don't know what sort of penalty they should get. Punishing them by removing them from the campaign would ruin the game since we are good friends and they would take it personally, but any sort of punishment that uses the game mechanics like NPCs refusing cooperation or city guards reacting to mischief have been futile.

Easy: they don't need to be punished and punishing them is almost certain to exacerbate the situation. For at least one session, start out with your story, and then set it aside when they start doing their thing, and try to craft something interesting out of that. Take time to think, if you need it, and don't be afraid to ask them lots of questions, to clarify exactly what they want to do (as long as it's not offensive to others at the table) and give them that experience in a way you can all enjoy.

If I have to ask the GM for it, then I don't want it.

When they refuse to do something, it's usually not something like "I don't want to go into that cave because I think it's a bad idea!", it's more along the lines of "I don't want to go out of this cave that we are trapped in that is filled with murderous zombies because I feel like dying!".

And the "provoking of certain events during combat" usually amounts to provoking a female monstrous spider to pin them because they can make sex jokes about it.
When they refuse to do something, it's usually not something like "I don't want to go into that cave because I think it's a bad idea!", it's more along the lines of "I don't want to go out of this cave that we are trapped in that is filled with murderous zombies because I feel like dying!".

And the "provoking of certain events during combat" usually amounts to provoking a female monstrous spider to pin them because they can make sex jokes about it.



Kinda the problem with DMing for a group of 13yr olds.

If they aren't 13 there are typically 4 ways to deal with this:

1) Meet them on their level.  Sounds like you don't want to do this and don't want your game devovling into a giant sex-joke. 
2) Beat them at their own game.  I would only recommend this if you feel confidant in it and want to draw on some really disturbing stuff.  One horrifically uncomfortably graphically-explained moment can turn this around if you want to go that far.
3) Talk to them about how you aren't having fun like this.  Maybe you all have different goals in your game and explain to them that your goal is to have fun making a story out of their choices and turning it into an adventure of epic porportions.  The sexcapades isn't a story you want to make.
4) Find another game. DnD can be non-serious, however it is designed around some level of taking itself seriously.  There are a lot of other games, and other things to do, that your group might like.  Hell, Cards Against Humanity is free to download and print if you have the cardstock to print it on.
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When they refuse to do something, it's usually not something like "I don't want to go into that cave because I think it's a bad idea!", it's more along the lines of "I don't want to go out of this cave that we are trapped in that is filled with murderous zombies because I feel like dying!"



Kill 'em.
You need to maintain a sense of agency.  Which means, as someone pointed out earlier, if they don't do what you expected them to do, don't force them to change, roll with the changes.  In that same manner, if they do idiotic, suicidal things because they think it's funny, then roll with that too (which means they'll die 9/10 times).  
By all means, drop big hints about consquences for stupid actions, but don't forbid it.  A good DM will say "Are you sure you want to stay in the cave? There's 20 zombies that look extremely powerful charging you, it's highly doubtful you could stand a chance." A bad DM will say "You run out of cave, I won't let you stay and fight no matter what".

And the "provoking of certain events during combat" usually amounts to provoking a female monstrous spider to pin them because they can make sex jokes about it.



I know this might not sound like good advice, but I honestly think you need more mature players.

Yeah, I haven't thought about that.
I usually have a habit of throwing hissy-fits instead of letting people reap as they have sown.

And I play with what I have. I don't have much of a choice in this God-forsaken town of mine. 
When they refuse to do something, it's usually not something like "I don't want to go into that cave because I think it's a bad idea!", it's more along the lines of "I don't want to go out of this cave that we are trapped in that is filled with murderous zombies because I feel like dying!".

If that's really what they say, then I don't see the problem. They're telling you what they want, so give it to them in a way that's as interesting as possible for everyone around the table.

And the "provoking of certain events during combat" usually amounts to provoking a female monstrous spider to pin them because they can make sex jokes about it.

If you don't think the jokes are funny, you have to talk to them out of game about that. Other than that, I don't see a problem with them putting themselves in a bad situation. Most DMs would be thrilled if their players didn't just kill everything.

Yeah, I haven't thought about that.
I usually have a habit of throwing hissy-fits instead of letting people reap as they have sown.

Yep, just try to get to a mindset in which you aren't concerned with what the players do to their own characters. At the same time, avoid killing their characters punitively, because you don't like their out-of-game behavior. Even apparently certain death can have interesting twists, in a fantasy adventure game, so it's never enough to say that any given death was a player's own "fault" unless they specifically asked for it to happen.

If I have to ask the GM for it, then I don't want it.

If you're throwing fits in reaction to what they're doing, chances are pretty good they're doing it to get a rise out of you.  Let them, at least for a bit and see if those things become boring to them.

Edit: Sorry, the above is unclear.  Let them do the things they want without throwing a fit and see if those things become boring to them.

Also, what are the attitudes of your other players?  Are they troubled by the sex jokes?  If so, and the raucous players are in the minority, it may be worth having an out-of-game conversation with them about adjusting their attitudes. 

Kinda the problem with DMing for a group of 13yr olds.

If they aren't 13 there are typically 4 ways to deal with this:

1) Meet them on their level.  Sounds like you don't want to do this and don't want your game devovling into a giant sex-joke. 
2) Beat them at their own game.  I would only recommend this if you feel confidant in it and want to draw on some really disturbing stuff.  One horrifically uncomfortably graphically-explained moment can turn this around if you want to go that far.
3) Talk to them about how you aren't having fun like this.  Maybe you all have different goals in your game and explain to them that your goal is to have fun making a story out of their choices and turning it into an adventure of epic porportions.  The sexcapades isn't a story you want to make.
4) Find another game. DnD can be non-serious, however it is designed around some level of taking itself seriously.  There are a lot of other games, and other things to do, that your group might like.  Hell, Cards Against Humanity is free to download and print if you have the cardstock to print it on.

This. 


I recomend #3, and think you will have the best results with it, but 1 and 4 might also work. 

"In a way, you are worse than Krusk"                               " As usual, Krusk comments with assuredness, but lacks the clarity and awareness of what he's talking about"

"Can't say enough how much I agree with Krusk"        "Wow, thank you very much"

"Your advice is the worst"

Anyway, thanks to everyone for the advice. It did actually help. We had a short four-hour session (most of our sessions last for eight to ten hours) in which I let them do anything they wanted. Turns out people don't make too many stupid decisions if you decide not to clean their mess.
Just want to give some different advice so that you have more options here.

they ask questions like "Can we **** her/him?"


I had a player asking the exact same thing.  I asked him if he said that out loud.  When you confront the person with their own question, the player tends to think about what they had just said.  Of course, there are consequences for actions.  Reputation, prestige, other party members.  I've often found that other party members will not tolerate all kinds of actions.  Raping things can be a pretty strong subject.  Throw the humor back at the guy.  Fast forward past the action, then detail the itching and burning sensations afterwards.  Or diseases. 
Then again, I don't allow **** in my games.  If they want to play out their sexual fantasies, they can do it in someone elses game.  I have had a few that wanted to do this, and I talked to them.  I even had one guy saying I should let him do it because he came here to have fun.  I explained that I'm here to have fun too, and if he wants this, he can run his own game.

Punishing them by removing them from the campaign would ruin the game since we are good friends and they would take it personally, but any sort of punishment that uses the game mechanics like NPCs refusing cooperation or city guards reacting to mischief have been futile. 


You don't punish players.  There are consequences.  I had one group who thought it funny on the first game if they started killinga shopkeeper at night.  The guards came, and more guards, and more guards...If I didn't leave right then and there, the party would eventually be thrown in prison.  Not all guards in a city are level one npcs.

And the "provoking of certain events during combat" usually amounts to provoking a female monstrous spider to pin them because they can make sex jokes about it.


Why did you say it was female?  The character's would not be able to tell the difference.  But like before, if it bothers you, tell them.  Adult actions are through talking about it.

And the "provoking of certain events during combat" usually amounts to provoking a female monstrous spider to pin them because they can make sex jokes about it.



Sure, let them provoke that action.  And they can joke about it all they like.
But I bet they'll stop once the monstrous spider implants them with a host of eggs.....
I apologize in advance if this question has already been anwsered on this forum before.



It's okay. There's already an army of serial killers to set you to a painful and bloody end.

I have recently begun DMing for a small group of friends who were interested in playing D&D. I had some experience as a PC and they thought that I could do this since I am myself an aspiring writer. I quickly got pulled into the DMing thing and have found myself doing it pretty much every weekend.



Pulled into? Make sure it's something you want them to do. Nothing worse than DMing for something you would rather not do. Also, I'm going to second what Centauri said earlier. Do not treat DMing the same as writing. The same skills that creative writing requires can serve you well in DMing, but the process and execution are quite different.

The problem I have is with my PC's.



Big shocker.

I have six people altogether, one with a lot of experience, three with a bit of experience, and two with almost none at all. But three exact individuals make it really hard for me to run the campaign properly. To put it in a way that's easier to understand: They troll. A lot.



First, I want to ask if I have permission to use your title line. I like it a lot better than "turd in my punch-bowl." Second, which specific players are the trolls? A lot of times when players troll, they do it because they're bored. Sometimes, this happens with experienced players. Third, consider talking with these trolls out of game, and asking them what they want from your game.

They mostly don't do things that are a threat to them and their companions, but they ask questions like "Can we **** her/him?" when encountering NPC  that I describe as attractive,



My solution to this isn't going to work for everyone, but I know exactly how I'd handle this. Let them **** the npc. Then, take the next 5-10 minutes, describing from start to finish, and in gloriously sickening detail, the act of the ****. Don't leave the slightest detail out. See, I like to make my game-world as real as possible in light of the setting.

Now, what you need to do after that, is describe the horrific suicide that the **** victim commits. Then make the family of the ****/suicide victim come after the players responsible. Or the **** victim grows new strength, decides she wants revenge on the people who raped her, and sets out to kill them in brutal and sick ways. See, they seem to be after humor, and like doing that kind of stuff so they can make jokes about it. They won't do it if they get blindsided by this uncomfortable pit in their stomach when they were expecting comedy. I'm also not afraid to run games so dark that they make A Song of Ice and Fire look like The Chronicles of Narnia.

All that said, what I and others have said about checking with the players about what they want can go a long way toward creating a game that everyone can enjoy. But my world reacts realistically to things. Including ****.

they refuse to do certain things just because they know those things are somehow related to the story, they purposely provoke certain events during battle so they can jest about it, etc.



Don't tell a story. Create a world. Provide oppotunities for them to make meaningful choices. Once they create characters they care about, they will have those characters behave accordingly in that world. If nothing else, having no real story will shock them into a different pattern of behavior, if they realize the change at all. I remember the first time I didnt' tell a story, but provided an opportunity for them to do as they wished in a given situation, and didn't have an obvious story. They pulled the session over for 10 minutes, asking me what they should do. I must have said, "Whatever you want," 40 times that night. It was beautiful.

I know they have to be penalized for it, but I don't know what sort of penalty they should get.



They don't. Don't penalize them at all. If they are actually making the game unenjoyable for other people, it needs to be handled out of game. This is where we circle back to talking to them about what they really want from the game.