As the anticipation begins for the new iteration of D&D and we start the process of evaluating what things from the past editions should return I think we need to turn our backward gaze to a subject long neglected and worthy of discussion and a triumphant return.
I speak of course, of fat Halfings.
The past two editions have brought us anorexic super-model halfings with nary a sign of beer or cheese in sight. These emaciated spritely little imps are far closer to the Kender of Krynn, than their true hobbit antecedents and while I appreciate the Kender, if we are looking to the heart of what is D&D we need look no further than the jolly, plump, shoeless Halflings of old.
So I am putting out a call here to all right thinking individuals who have felt that certain hollowness in the past few editions, a lacking and have scoured the past tomes seeking to find what it was that was missing, unable to put their finger on what was causing that empty longing. It wasn’t the changing rules, no, no daily power or encounter ability was causing that short, round empty feeling inside. Its time has come, let us restore to the Halfings their rightful identity.
Let us raise our voices and proclaim: “No more will we have wash-board ab Halflings!”
Let us demand they cast off the shoes of oppression!
Let us demand that the creators of the new edition give these Halflings a sandwich and a mug of beer!
The path is clear, the way back to D&D’s heart is through the Halfling's stomach.
Thank you all and a personal thank you to SurlyCleric who reminded me of what was missing in my life and put me on this path to halfling restoration.