12/13/2011 Wizards Asks

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This thread is for discussion of this week's Wizards Asks, which goes live Tuesday morning on magicthegathering.com.

I'm with MaRo, the flavortext on Reparations is definitely my favorite. Just so that comical flavor texts don't get all the fun, my favorite serious ones are Battle-Mad Ronin and Day of Judgment. There are too many good ones to count, though, so I feel bad that I know I own ones that I can't remember to mention.
I think one of my favorites is redirect cause it shows how much of a d#$k jace is.
my all time favorite flaovr text is enormous baloth. i have even used it as the about me description on my dad's facebook. my other favorite flavor text is ixidor reality sculptor.
With out a doubt it has to be Goblin Lookout (from Legions):

"Throw rocks at 'em Throw spears at 'em Throw Furt at 'em" 

Incidentally this is not the only card to mention Furt either! 

"So they want to kill my men? Well two can play at that game."

—General Khurzog

Orcish Artillery... Though when I say it I add an "eh" at the end of the first sentence, and cal it flavour text.

Grow old or die trying.
Which begs the question: who did write the flavor text for Lhurgoyf? (And was it a conscious reference to The Jabberwock?)

Here are two early flavors always dear to my heart:

    
I could go a lot of ways with this...

... but over the years, I've just really, really appreciated the wit and humor that is Jaya Ballard, Task Mage.

I mean, really. My all time favorite is from Melting, but just look at cards like Lava Burst,,Meteor Shower, and sizzle. No other Pyromancer has ever come close to Jaya's charm and dedication to the word Fire.

... and while there may be many other cards that I really enjoy reading the flavor text from, Jaya makes me smile at the mere mention of the name. You can't say that about many of the characters that have been expressed in magic cards.
IMAGE(http://images.community.wizards.com/community.wizards.com/user/blitzschnell/0a90721d221e50e5755af156c179fe51.jpg?v=90000)
Unhinge


"Don't let your mind wander—it might not come back."

—Braids, dementia summoner

A bit cheesy maybe, but I love the pun. It sounds so wicked.



Another one by Braids I, which always made me snicker:
Skirk Prospector


"I like goblins. They make funny little popping sounds when they die."

—Braids, dementia summoner

Sounds even better in German.

Hands down favorite has got to be gorilla titan.

I actually think that Saffi Eriksdotter's view of the Lhurgoyf incident is particularly haunting.
My favorite has always been  Rarity: Common
Color: Red
Casting Cost: R
Type: Creature - Goblin Berserker
Text: Haste (This creature can attack and {T\} as soon as it comes under your control.)
Power/Toughness: 1/1">Raging Goblin.
Lava Axe: "Catch!"
Braids, Cabal Minion is one of my favorites.



"Home is where you can find a decent graveyard and strangers can disappear without awkward questions."



Also anything by Jaya Ballard is pure gold.  I'd like to see her as a planeswalker in the future just so we can have some more awesome quotes.
Also anything by Jaya Ballard is pure gold.  I'd like to see her as a planeswalker in the future just so we can have some more awesome quotes.


Can't see that happening as everything from old Dominaria which isn't called Karn is essentially off-limits now.
Panic:

"If you'd been there, you would've run from that deer, too!" -Jaya Ballard, Task Mage
Hands down favorite has got to be gorilla titan.




LOLZ!!!! I now want to make a collection of cards based solely on flaver text humor, and that card is going to be the first.
With out a doubt it has to be Goblin Lookout (from Legions):

"Throw rocks at 'em Throw spears at 'em Throw Furt at 'em" 

Incidentally this is not the only card to mention Furt either! 

I don't think that's the best flavour text to feature Furt, though.

Only when the anger passed did Varv realize he had burned down his home, destroyed his weapons, and killed his friend Furt. -Misguided Rage

I know it's supposed to be LOL GOBLINS, but it's actually pretty damned tragic.

Also anything by Jaya Ballard is pure gold.  I'd like to see her as a planeswalker in the future just so we can have some more awesome quotes.


we already have a pyro she-bi@#*, having 2 would inevitably trigger an apocolypse cat fight......wait a minute.......
I am a huge fan of Primeval Titan's flavor text: "When nature calls, run."
Sizzle has to be my favorite.

One of my favorite recent ones is Curse of the Bloody Tome, don't ask why
While I have many favorites, a recent one comes to mind for now: Woodland Cemetery.
MTG Rules Advisor Autocarding helps a lot -> [c]Tezzeret, Agent of Bolas[/c] = Tezzeret, Agent of Bolas "But keep in mind when the internet dies with the electrical system in 2012, you can still play paper magic, while digital cards will have gone the way of the dodo. In the post apocalyptic world, magic cards will be our currency!" - Samot, explaining to someone the ramifications of switching to MTGO!
I am Blue/Black
I am Blue/Black
I am Blue/Black
Take The Magic Dual Colour Test - Beta today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.
I'm both selfish and rational. I'm scheming, secretive and manipulative; I use knowledge as a tool for personal gain, and in turn obtaining more knowledge. At best, I am mysterious and stealthy; at worst, I am distrustful and opportunistic.
I don't know about all time, but my favorite recent flavor text is on Walking Corpse.

"Is it hopeless? When wave upon wave of our dead return as mindless flesh-eaters to claw upon Thraben's walls? We're too busy cutting them down to indulge ourselves in such philosophical foppery."
—Mikaeus, the Lunarch


It helps that foppery is likely my favorite word ever, but I really love how the flavor text makes Mikaeus sound so much more Bad Ass than he appears on his card.

IMAGE(http://steamsignature.com/status/default/76561197995631463.png) No longer a commander as of 7/29/13.

It's probably not necessarily my all time favorite, but everytime someone asks me what my favorite flavor text is, the one that comes to my mind is:

"Tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today."
OMG click HERE! OMG! How to autocard and use decklist format
--->
For autocarding, write [c][/c] with the name of the card inside it. [c]Island[/c] = Island For linking a card to Gatherer without writting the name of said card for readers, use the autocard brackets together with and equal sign and right the name of the real card. Then put the message you want inside the tags, like you would do with autocarding. Like this: [c=Curse of the Cabal]Captain Never-resolves[/c] = Captain Never-resolves For using the decklist format, follow this: [deck] 4* Terramorphic Expanse 4* Evolving Wilds ... [/deck] It equals:
Real signature, Sblocked for space:
57817638 wrote:
I like storm crow because I really like crows in real life, as an animal, and the card isn't terribly stupid, but packs a good deal of nostalgia and also a chunck of the game's history. So it's perhaps one of the cards I have most affection to, but not because "lol storm crow is bad hurr hurr durr".
Listen to my SoundCloud while you read my signature. The Island, Come And See, The Landlord's Daughter, You'll Not Feel The Drowning - The Decemberists by vimschy IMAGE(http://dragcave.net/image/rkvR.gif)IMAGE(http://dragcave.net/image/L3es.gif) IMAGE(http://dragcave.net/image/m71H.gif)
Quotes
56747598 wrote:
57295478 wrote:
Although I do assume you deliberately refer to them (DCI) as The Grand Imperial Convocation of Evil just for the purposes of making them sound like an ancient and terrible conspiracy.
Now, now. 1994 doesn't quite qualify as "ancient".
56734518 wrote:
Oh, it's a brilliant plan. You see, Bolas was travelling through shadowmoor, causing trouble, when he saw a Wickerbough Elder with its stylin' dead scarecrow hat. Now, Bolas being Bolas took the awesome hat and he put it on his head, but even with all his titanic powers of magic he couldn't make it fit. He grabbed some more scarecrows, but then a little kithkin girl asked if he was trying to build a toupee. "BY ALL THE POWERS IN THE MULTIVERSE!" he roared, "I WILL HAVE A HAT WORTHY OF MY GLORY." and so he went through his Dark Lore of Doom (tm) looking for something he could make into a hat that would look as stylish on him as a scarecrow does on a treefolk. He thought about the Phyrexians, but they were covered in goopy oil that would make his nonexistant hair greasy. He Tried out angels for a while but they didn't sit quite right. Then, he looked under "e" (because in the Elder Draconic alphabet, "e" for Eldrazi is right next to "h" for Hat) in his Dark Lore of Doom and saw depictions of the Eldrazi, and all their forms. "THIS SHALL BE MY HAT!" he declared, poking a picture of Emrakul, "AND WITH IT I WILL USHER IN A NEW AGE OF DARKNESS -- ER, I MEAN A NEW AGE OF FASHION!" And so Nicol Bolas masterminded the release of the Eldrazi.
57864098 wrote:
Rhox War Monk just flips pancakes, and if games have told us anything, it's that food = life.
56747598 wrote:
76973988 wrote:
This thread has gotten creepy. XP
Really? Really? The last couple days have been roughly every perverse fetish imaginable, but it only got "creepy" when speculation on Mother of Runes's mob affiliation came up?
76672808 wrote:
57864098 wrote:
57531048 wrote:
Nice mana base. Not really.
Yeah, really. If my deck was going to cost $1000+, I'd at least make it good.
99812049 wrote:
I like to think up what I consider clever names for my decks, only later to be laughed at by my wife. It kills me a little on the inside, but thats what marriage is about.
56816728 wrote:
56854588 wrote:
Of course, the best use [of tolaria west] is transmuting for the real Tolaria. ;)
Absolutely. I used to loose to my buddy's Banding deck for ages, it was then that I found out about Tolaria, and I was finally able win my first game.
70246459 wrote:
WOAH wait wait wait
56957928 wrote:
You know, being shallow and jusdgmental aside, "I later found out that Jon infiltrated his way into OKCupid dates with at least two other people"
56957928 wrote:
"I later found out that Jon infiltrated his way into OKCupid dates with at least two other people"
56957928 wrote:
Jon infiltrated his way into OKCupid dates
56957928 wrote:
OH MY GOD
109874309 wrote:
The only way I'd cast this card is into a bonfire.
82032421 wrote:
The short answer is that there's no rule barring annoying people from posting, but there a rule barring us from harassing them about it.
56747598 wrote:
Browbeat is a card that is an appropriate deck choice when there's no better idea available. "No better idea available" was pretty much the running theme of Odyssey era.
56874518 wrote:
Or perhaps it was a more straightforward comment indicating a wish for you to be bitten (Perhaps repeatedly) by a small yet highly venomous arachnid.
70246459 wrote:
58280208 wrote:
You're an idiot, and I'm in no mood for silliness.
57817638 wrote:
57145078 wrote:
You just... Vektor it.
That's the answer to everything.
70246459 wrote:
58347268 wrote:
I think the problem is that you don't exist.
This would sound great out of context!
56965458 wrote:
Modern is like playing a new tournament every time : you build a deck, you win with it, don't bother keeping it. Just build another, its key pieces will get banned.
57864098 wrote:
57309598 wrote:
I specifically remember posting a thread when I was just a witty bitty noob.
You make it sound like that's still not the case.
58325628 wrote:
Rap is what happens when the c from crap is taken away.
Doug Beyer:
But sometimes it's also challenging. Because sometimes OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING?
141434757 wrote:
Flashforward five thousand years (Click for atmosphere) :
57927608 wrote:
to paraphrase Jeff Goldblum, Vektor finds a way.
58347268 wrote:
when in rome **** AND PILLAGE
143229641 wrote:
I always find it helpful when im angry to dress up in an owl costume and rub pennies all over my body in front of a full body mirror next to the window.
Dymecoar:
Playing Magic without Blue is like sleeping without any sheets or blankets. You can do it...but why?
Omega137:
Me: "I love the moment when a control deck stabilizes. It feels so... right." Omega137: "I like the life drop part until you get there, it's the MtG variant of bungee jumping"
Zigeif777:
Just do it like Yu-Gi-Oh or monkeys: throw all the crap you got at them and hope it works or else the by-standers (or opponents) just get dirty and pissed.
57471038 wrote:
58258708 wrote:
It's true that Alpha and Beta didn't contain any cards like Tarmogoyf, Darksteel Colossus, or Platinum Angel. It just contained weak, insignificant cards like Black Lotus, Mox Sapphire, and Time Walk.
Normally it's difficult to pick up on your jokes/sarcasm. But this one's pretty much out there. Good progress. You have moved up to Humanoid. You'll be Human in no time.
91893448 wrote:
94618431 wrote:
I didn't know Samurai were known to be able to cut down whole armies...
They can when they're using lightsabers!
57129358 wrote:
97980259 wrote:
My wife brought home a baby black squirrel they found on a horse track and cared for it for a few days. We named it Grixis, but it died.
Unearth it!
70246459 wrote:
[/spoiler] And I'm on Magic Arcana. How about you? Oh, by the way, I'm also on From the Lab now. Twice, actually. And now with my own submited decklist!


"So they want to kill my men? Well two can play at that game."

—General Khurzog

Orcish Artillery... Though when I say it I add an "eh" at the end of the first sentence, and cal it flavour text.


You are so right about General Khurzog.  Another two that always send me into giggling fits is 9th Edition Sea's Claim, & M10's Zombie Goliath.


But the all-time best flavortext isn't even in English.  It's on the German version of Memory Lapse, which, strangely enough, I've never even seen, only heard about (I mean the German version of the card):


"I'm not Hans"

--Hans
But the all-time best flavortext isn't even in English.  It's on the German version of [n]Memory Lapse[/n], which, strangely enough, I've never even seen, only heard about (I mean the German version of the card):


"I'm not Hans"

--Hans    


IMAGE(http://steamsignature.com/status/default/76561197995631463.png) No longer a commander as of 7/29/13.

Two things: 1st, thank you; & 2nd, oops!
Phyrexian Hulk has nice text, not sure if it's the best, but I like the rhyme!

It's not the 'Besiged version though.  this one.
I've always loved Manamorphose:

For a moment, objects of pure mana glimmered in the wonderstruck boggart's hands. In the next moment, they were in his mouth, as he chewed contentedly.

I have others, but I can't remember them off the top of my head.
I like the image conjured up by Thraximundar's flavor text.
Picturing him carving through the opposition.
I've always had a soft spot for the cards that used extant poetry as flavor text. (Say what you will about the playability of Scathe Zombies, but its flavor text is awesome.) Of that type, my personal favorite is probably Cosmic Horror. "Then flashed the living lightning from her eyes, / And screams of horror rend th' affrighted skies." Perfect narration for when something like that enters the battlefield. Then you realize the quote is from Pope's "The **** of the Lock," and you consider its original context, and it's *hilarious*.
The most recent Card that I have fallen in love with is Army of the Damned :



Sometimes death comes knocking.
Sometimes it tears down the walls.

Enormous Baloth


Its diet consists of fruits, plants, small woodland animals, large woodland animals, woodlands, fruit groves, fruit farmers, and small cities.
 

MaRo: One of the classic R&D stories happened during a Scars of Mirrodin draft. Erik Lauer was sitting to my right (meaning that he passed to me in the first and third packs). At the end of the draft, Erik was upset because I was in his colors (black-green).

He said, "Didn't you see the signals? I went into black-green in pack one."

I replied, "Didn't you see my signals? I started drafting infect six drafts ago." ************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************MaRo: During a playtest, I played a Reaper from the Abyss. I attacked each turn, while my opponent would chump block (he had a lot of fliers), and then I killed a second creature. This happened until he had only one creature left. I attack, he blocked, and then the following dialogue occurred:

Him: Kill your demon. Me: What? Him: My guy died so you have to kill a creature.

Me: Yeah, but why would a demon kill himself?

Him: I don't know. He's depressed there's no one left to kill.

Me: That doesn't make any sense. Him: I don't care. It's what the card says. I then take out my pen, and wrote "non-Demon" on it.

Him: You can't do that.

Me: I redesigned him while the effect was on the stack.

Might of Oaks. "Guess where I'm gonna plant this!?" 9th edition art is fantastic. 

Duskdale wurm's eventide flavor text is pretty winning too. 
I've always been a fan of Last Word's flavor text:

[i]Someday, someone will best me.  But it won't be today, and it won't be you.[/c]

There's just something very about that flavor text.

Also, Runeboggle


"Ever try to count hyperactive schoolchildren while someone shouts random numbers in your ear? It's like that."

—Geetra, frustrated mage

 
Maybe I just like counterspell flavor text? 
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