How to deal with a druid who, er... well... *coughs*

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...wants to put his "wood" in everything? What's a good way to deter my druid from wanting to shag every female NPC that walks along?

I've tried making them old, bitter, gossipy butter-churning maids. Didn't work.

I've tried pretty much saying "This woman was severely wounded in the fight you just had. You'd have to heal her". Didn't deter him.
Talk to him out of game about the type of game you want to run.

[N]o difference is less easily overcome than the difference of opinion about semi-abstract questions. - L. Tolstoy

Roll Endurance vs disease. Was fun when it happened at our table. Admittedly we're kinda juvenile that way ;)

Centauri's suggestion is probably best, though.
Just say "No, you don't," and move on.

If he insists, ask him what part of "no" he didn't understand and ignore his response.

If he continues to argue, sustain free.

If he causes a scene, invite him to drop it immediately or leave immediately.

If he leaves, continue playing without him.

If he asks to play again, insist that he apologize and make it clear that further behavior like that will not be tolerated, with the alternative being that he's out for good.

When I DM I don't allow sociopaths or the hopelessly immature to play in my games and that's my final answer.  In cases like yours, saying "no, you don't," or "yeah, that doesn't happen," and moving on has worked well for me for the past thirty years.  We have a lot of laughs in my games but if it moves into creepy territory I put the hammer down.

OD&D, 1E and 2E challenged the player. 3E challenged the character, not the player. Now 4E takes it a step further by challenging a GROUP OF PLAYERS to work together as a TEAM. That's why I love 4E.

"Your ability to summon a horde of celestial superbeings at will is making my ... BMX skills look a bit redundant."

"People treat their lack of imagination as if it's the measure of what's silly. Which is silly." - Noon

"Challenge" is overrated.  "Immersion" is usually just a more pretentious way of saying "having fun playing D&D."

"Falling down is how you grow.  Staying down is how you die.  It's not what happens to you, it's what you do after it happens.”

Agreed with Centauri. You explain unacceptable behaviour out of game. If he continues, move on to Siegfried's method.
Epic Dungeon Master

Want to give your players a kingdom of their own? I made a 4e rule system to make it happen!

Your Kingdom awaits!
Update 5th Sep 2011: Added a sample kingdom, as well as sample of play.
It would be okay in my game within reason and in context.

If it's simply to disrupt the game, then talk to the player out of game as has been mentioned. If you yourself are a female, that's probably why he's doing these things in-game (projection). 

No amount of tips, tricks, or gimmicks will ever be better than simply talking directly to your fellow players to resolve your issues.
DMs: Don't Prep the Plot | Structure First, Story Last | Prep Tips | Spoilers Don't Spoil Anything | No Myth Roleplaying
Players: 11 Ways to Be a Better Roleplayer | You Are Not Your Character     Hilarious D&D Actual Play Podcast: Crit Juice!

FREE CONTENT: Encounters With Alternate Goals  |  Full-Contact Futbol   |   Pre-Gen D&D 5e PCs  |  Re-Imagining Phandelver  |  Three Pillars of Immersion

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Talk to him out of game about the type of game you want to run.

This. And ONLY this.

Here are the PHB essentia, in my opinion:
  • Three Basic Rules (p 11)
  • Power Types and Usage (p 54)
  • Skills (p178-179)
  • Feats (p 192)
  • Rest and Recovery (p 263)
  • All of Chapter 9 [Combat] (p 264-295)
A player needs to read the sections for building his or her character -- race, class, powers, feats, equipment, etc. But those are PC-specific. The above list is for everyone, regardless of the race or class or build or concept they are playing.
Aw, stop it you guys! I'm blushin'!

[N]o difference is less easily overcome than the difference of opinion about semi-abstract questions. - L. Tolstoy

It would be okay in my game within reason and in context.

If it's simply to disrupt the game, then talk to the player out of game as has been mentioned. If you yourself are a female, that's probably why he's doing these things in-game (projection). 



I'm going to bloody well hope not, that'd be awkward.

Yeah, I wouldn't have too much of a problem with it if it weren't for the fact that I'm the female DM who is also dating the ranger while the druid tries to hit on women that I have to RP.

I've also got a bit of personal bias to the matter - I don't see why he'd want to hit on the fictional peasant when we've got two other single ladies in the group. Even though one is my sister and the other is likely friend-carded. 
It would be okay in my game within reason and in context.

If it's simply to disrupt the game, then talk to the player out of game as has been mentioned. If you yourself are a female, that's probably why he's doing these things in-game (projection). 

I'm going to bloody well hope not, that'd be awkward.

Yeah, I wouldn't have too much of a problem with it if it weren't for the fact that I'm the female DM who is also dating the ranger while the druid tries to hit on women that I have to RP.

Yeah, have a talk with the whole table present about the kind of game you want to run. I don't recommend being alone with this guy.

[N]o difference is less easily overcome than the difference of opinion about semi-abstract questions. - L. Tolstoy

Talk to him out of game about the type of game you want to run.


This.  Though you should also try to find out what's motivating him to engage in this behavior.  What does he think is going to come out of it?
What does he think is going to come out of it?



Must... resist... joke...

No amount of tips, tricks, or gimmicks will ever be better than simply talking directly to your fellow players to resolve your issues.
DMs: Don't Prep the Plot | Structure First, Story Last | Prep Tips | Spoilers Don't Spoil Anything | No Myth Roleplaying
Players: 11 Ways to Be a Better Roleplayer | You Are Not Your Character     Hilarious D&D Actual Play Podcast: Crit Juice!

FREE CONTENT: Encounters With Alternate Goals  |  Full-Contact Futbol   |   Pre-Gen D&D 5e PCs  |  Re-Imagining Phandelver  |  Three Pillars of Immersion

Follow me on Twitter: @is3rith

Centauri and wrecan have the gist of it.  I have to admit, my first impulsive answer was 'stop gaming with twelve-year-olds'.
Another day, another three or four entries to my Ignore List.
Watch Dorkness Rising with him. Show him the guy playing the bard. Tell him he looks like that.
I often find this behavior is a defense mechanism.  There's a sort of player who feels the need to be disruptive because part of him is simply embarassed to have fun playing D&D.  I have a player right now.  He could be phenomenal.  He's a great improvisational actor and he has a natural strategic mind.  But he insists on spending most of his time making bad puns and blue jokes.

I coulnd't figure out why he does it.  He's always pulling people from the game, breaking serious moments with juvenile humor.  And we're all in our 30's and 40's.  My wife finally pegged it.

If he isn't making a joke, it means he's taking the story seriously.  And that scares him.  It's a level of geekiness that some part of him won't let him commit to.  It's as if his subconscious is saying "It's okay that I play D&D because I don't take it seriously.  I'm not like those other guys."

He isn't even cognizent of why he does it.  I finally took him aside and told him that his antics at inappropriate moemnets were ruinign other people's fun.  As soon as I made it not about him, but about his friends' enjoyment, he backed off.  Now, instead of being disruptive during serious moments, he's just quiet, and I can tell he's doing it so his friends have a good time, and he's cognizent of that being the reason, so it preserves his ability to remain detached from the emotion of the game.

Sidenote: The group is now 27th level, and I asked everyone to come up with an epilogue for their PCs in case the world doesn't actually get destroyed (I give it a 40-60 shot right now.)  He was the first one to come up with it and it was a really great epilogue.  But it was in an email, not roleplay, so he could treat it as a writing assignment, not as if he was really getting into it.  Apparently being an amateur J.R.R. Martin is preferable to being a tabletop LARPer.
Watch Dorkness Rising with him. Show him the guy playing the bard. Tell him he looks like that.



I've actually been planning to show the rest of the group Dorkness Rising. The bard is hilarious there. And Dorkness rising doesn't really give the impression that "The DM actually has to say these things going on". 

P.S. The monk is also exceptionally awesome. 
To go along with Wrecan, I find it quite a bit easier to roleplay via PbP than I do in person or in a live online game. I wouldn't necessarily say that he treated it as a writing assignment (though it is possible); I tend to be a lot better at expressing ideas through paper than I do in person or in a live chat. For your (Wrecan's) player, I'd ask him to say the epilogue out loud as if he was the person giving a eulogy or something.
For your (Wrecan's) player, I'd ask him to say the epilogue out loud as if he was the person giving a eulogy or something.


No way.  I know what would happen.  He'd get two sentences in and then decide to read the rest of it in a Kermit the Frog voice.  I'm going to weave everyone's epilogues into a one final narration, which, not coincidentally, will also be the prologue for our next campaign, which takes place 1,600 years in the first campaign's future (unless the world is destroyed).
My group suffers from such problems all the time. A bard that doesn't pay attention, a druid laiden down with iron stuff so he can be randomly be the batman. A sorrcier that periodically dies every, single, damn sesson and a Warrior who constantly act like a complete Judas and knows relatively nothing. You know you have quite the party, when the Frenzied Bezerker is not only the most entertaining character in existance, but is also roleplayed the best. XD

Needless to say, serious DnD is very hard to do with this party, one way it's trying to be solved is through a mass e-mail, reminding people of the aims of the game.


I can understand the nerves though, I am the same, which is why I am not going to enjoy taking party leader role for the time being.      
Talk to him out of game about the type of game you want to run.

This. And ONLY this.


The way I see it, if the guy needs to have it explained to him why this is inappropriate, odds are it won't end well if you open it for debate or allow an argument because he'll keep pushing, trying to justify it and eventually blame you for making waves.  I've seen it too many times.  Just cut to the chase and don't explain or argue ... delete that behavior and/or give an ultimatum.  Draw your line now and don't allow him or anyone else to cross it. 

But hey, whatever you do, in game or out of game, talk to him about it yesterday and make it clear that his only option is to stop it now or leave.  You have no responsibility to be tolerant of his behavior if you don't want to be.

And just for the record, I am not some kind of power-mad dictatoral DM.  My time is too short to play with sociopaths or grossly immature people who make others uncomfortable.  My table is not a place to share your sexual fantasies.  I only play with those who want to pretend to be heroes in heroic situations and make it fun for everyone else, certainly never with someone who wants to pretend to be some kind of rapist and creep everyone out.

OD&D, 1E and 2E challenged the player. 3E challenged the character, not the player. Now 4E takes it a step further by challenging a GROUP OF PLAYERS to work together as a TEAM. That's why I love 4E.

"Your ability to summon a horde of celestial superbeings at will is making my ... BMX skills look a bit redundant."

"People treat their lack of imagination as if it's the measure of what's silly. Which is silly." - Noon

"Challenge" is overrated.  "Immersion" is usually just a more pretentious way of saying "having fun playing D&D."

"Falling down is how you grow.  Staying down is how you die.  It's not what happens to you, it's what you do after it happens.”

A love triangle might just break apart your group - it has happened before. Best of luck though! Do something before its too late, even if its not a love triangle.
Talk to him out of game about the type of game you want to run.

This. And ONLY this.





No, not "This. And ONLY this."

Because your ignoring an important question: What kind of game does the player want to play?

Whenever a DM ask a "How do I deal with ____" question,  you all opperate on the misguided idea that the problem lies with the player.  But what if it's the DM who's not providing the right game?

True, one person may be the DM, but that doesn't make the game being run "theirs'".  Rather the game being played belongs equelly to every person sitting at that table.

But I do agree, the DM & the player need to be talking.
Generally, when anyone at the table comes up with a "this is totally unacceptable to me", that means the other side needs to change. Nobody should be forced to play at a table where people are doing something unacceptable.

I'd agree with you if it were a case of "this is not really my preferred style of play", but in this situation it seems that the player is making others uncomfortable, which means he's automatically the one that needs to change (or the uncomfortable players need to leave) because asking someone to bite through uncomfortable situations just for someone else's entertainment shouldn't be part of the game.

(In this I'm assuming that the DM and the other players already agreed about the kind of game that will be run by the way. I disagree with the notion that "the DM decides the type of game on his/her own", but if anyone is truly uncomfortable with any kind of play, that kind of play needs to go)
Epic Dungeon Master

Want to give your players a kingdom of their own? I made a 4e rule system to make it happen!

Your Kingdom awaits!
Update 5th Sep 2011: Added a sample kingdom, as well as sample of play.
Everyone has problem players.  This is a little different, but I would be hesitant to go the route of revealing your "personal bias."  This is unacceptable behavior no matter who is doing it, or who is DMing.  Do not confront this player in a public setting with the other players present.  That will only be successful in embarrassing him publicly and making him get defensive, but if you feel too uncomfortable confronting him alone do so with your boyfriend in earshot.  If explaining that this is unacceptable behavior doesn't change his behavior make it clear that he will not be welcome in your group if it continues.  Make it his choice whether he is welcome to play or not.

Kalex the Omen 
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(In this I'm assuming that the DM and the other players already agreed about the kind of game that will be run by the way. I disagree with the notion that "the DM decides the type of game on his/her own", but if anyone is truly uncomfortable with any kind of play, that kind of play needs to go)



To be honest, I'm working with a table of mostly new players, so they aren't too uppity about needing to agree on "what kind of game" that we'll be playing. Their main goal is basically to have fun. 

Of course, I don't want to be mean or demanding to my Druid player. I think the best advice I've gotten out of this is a calm smile and a "no, you don't" when the issue arises. 

And if that doesn't work after a few runs, he's getting chlamydia.

As a side note, what sort of penalties come with sexually transmitted diseases? Haha. 

The way I see it, if the guy needs to have it explained to him why this is inappropriate, odds are it won't end well if you open it for debate or allow an argument because he'll keep pushing, trying to justify it and eventually blame you for making waves.

I didn't see anyone advocating a debate. I saw folks saying that this is an out-of-game effort rather than an in-game effort.

Out of game, tell him to quit. If he doesn't, tell him to ship out.

Here are the PHB essentia, in my opinion:
  • Three Basic Rules (p 11)
  • Power Types and Usage (p 54)
  • Skills (p178-179)
  • Feats (p 192)
  • Rest and Recovery (p 263)
  • All of Chapter 9 [Combat] (p 264-295)
A player needs to read the sections for building his or her character -- race, class, powers, feats, equipment, etc. But those are PC-specific. The above list is for everyone, regardless of the race or class or build or concept they are playing.
This is unacceptable behavior no matter who is doing it, or who is DMing.  Do not confront this player in a public setting with the other players present.  That will only be successful in embarrassing him publicly and making him get defensive, but if you feel too uncomfortable confronting him alone do so with your boyfriend in earshot.

This. It's sexist behavior, to which the typical range of reactions ranges from humor to horror--but if it bugs you, you're within your rights to request directly that he stop.

He probably thinks he's being funny. Making it explicitly clear that it's making you uncomfortable will (probably, hopefully) be enough.
With the caveats that I loathe old-school cursed magic items, and that taking out a player's issues on his character is always a bad idea ...

If anybody ever had a Girdle of Femininity/Masculinity coming, it's this guy.
Another day, another three or four entries to my Ignore List.
This one sound like a serrious problem at the table and should be fixed OOC.  For more minor things that I as DM do not want to deal with here is my solution.

PC
I want to go wenching in town and spread my some wealth around so I can be the center of an orgy.

Me
Okay you do that.  Gary what are you doing in town.

I find that my 4 word responce that does not involve any RP or other things and will have no impact on the game moves by the things I do not want to deal with quickly.  Again I use this for more minor thing instead of what could be very large problem.  I would no give him an STD or anything, that is indulging him and will eat up table time.

I have used the 4 word solution for all of the following

Wenching
Barfights with 8th level+ characters
Petty theft
contact a thieves guild
assassinate for profit

Now any of these can be story hooks but if it is annoying or does not involve all the players then you get the 4 word answer.

Mathius
Am I the only one who was releaved to learn the druid was only interested in NPCs?
Am I the only one who was releaved to learn the druid was only interested in NPCs?


As opposed to bears? Yes, you are ;)


If anybody ever had a Girdle of Femininity/Masculinity coming, it's this guy.



After having a chortle (okay, a gufaw) about this joke, it occured to me that this may not curb his enthusiasm toward in-character liasons.  It may, in fact, spur him on.

Three words.


Succubus/Night Hag.
Depending on context, it may be feasible to have this PC activity conveniently slid off-camera and allowed to happen. ***If**** you and the other players would be comfortable with that.

However, the PC probably did not begin acting like this when the party formed. It probably went on before that. Some combination of the following (again depending on context) could provide excitement:
* NPC's father
* NPC's husband
* NPC's lover/boyfriend/girlfriend
* NPC's *noble* father/husband/lover
* PC's ex-lover (prior NPC) seeking revenge
* PC's ex-lover seeking matrimony
* PC's wife wondering what her husband is up to
* PC's child seeking justice for mother
* PC's child seeking paternal legacy/inheritance
* PC's child seeking education (either directly or via payment of expenses)
* Authorities pursuing **** charges
* Authorities demanding child-support payments 
 
"The world does not work the way you have been taught it does. We are not real as such; we exist within The Story. Unfortunately for you, you have inherited a condition from your mother known as Primary Protagonist Syndrome, which means The Story is interested in you. It will find you, and if you are not ready for the narrative strands it will throw at you..." - from Footloose