Inflict Serious Pants

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To somehow dissolve the tension (while still being D&D related enough not to be in the OTT) I've decided to try and resurrect an old idea for a humorous thread.
Back in 3.5 days there was a thread about D&D spells but with pants. The thread title is one of the better results.
In 4e we have powers and rituals, which promises more pantsy goodness than ever!

I'll start with a few things from the PHB:

1. Pants of Faith
2. Righteous Pants
3. Cause Pants
4. Pants of Peace
5. Pants of Unyielding Valor
6. Reaping Pants
7. Covering Pants
8. Rain of Pants
9. Cage of Pants
10. Ultimate Pants
11. All Pants Are Off
12. Lay on Pants
13. Staggering Pants
14. United in Pants
15. Certain Pants
16. Split the Pants
17. Pants Cascade
18. Wandering Pants
19. King's Pants
20. Pants on the Wind


...and maybe I'll stop before I'll use up all the good ones ;)
21. Pants of Enmity
22. Cataclysmic Pants
Hier stehe ich, ich kann nicht anders. Das Fliegende Spaghettimonster helfe mir. RAmen.
Bigby's Grasping Pants?
Mordenkainen's Guardian Pants?
Scorching Pants?
Pants Swarm?
Wizard's Pants?
Illusory Pants?
Second (pair of) Pants? :P
Healing Pants?
Majestic Pants?
Tide of Pants?
Press the Pants?
Archpants?
Scion of Pants?
Dispantsen?
Oath of Pants?
Let's not forget two that everyone can use.
Melee Pants Attack
Ranged Pants Attack 
Yes, the latest book/release that you don't like is a blatant attempt by Wizards of the Coast to make money off the fanbase. They all are. That's kinda the point of the Free Enterprise system, companies are in it to make money...
Show
69889855 wrote:
You can't! I tried... and the next night masked men came into my house and beat me until I burned up my ranger character sheet and rolled a scout. They told me... if I ever thought of making a non-essential character that they would kill mitsy..... OH GOD THEY ARE COMING BACK AND ARE FORCING ME TO BUY HEROES OF SHADOWS! SOMEONE STOP THEM PLEASE!
58321818 wrote:
Your DM is your friend. He's not trying to screw with you, or dick you around. Play your character how your character would act. Accept that your character won't always be able to do what he's best at, but also know that as a goddamn HERO, he's gonna try to do his best at what he can do. Roleplay your goddamn character, make the decisions he would make, and roll appropriately. Everything will be fine.
57025236 wrote:
But filling a post with vitriol, hate-filled comments, like "these people should be fired", swearing at us or other ambiguous members of the company - there really is no reason for that. Please share your feedback respectfully, and consider how you would share your ideas if this were a face to face conversation between real people, not faceless names on a screen.
If you see me posting in a thread about editions or Essentials (that isn't simply a rules thread or similar) remind me that I'm trying to stay away from them. (My blood pressure will thank us both.)

downbeat of pants

At-Wills for the Pants oriented Wizard

Magic Pants
Thunderpants
Scorching Pants
Pants of Frost
Winged Pants
Pants Pillar
Illusory Pants
also pants-taking slam
some more avenger-themed ones...

Brand on the Pants (ouch)
Merciless Pants
Pants of Destiny
Executioner's Pants
Pants of Damnation
Inescapable Pants
Pants of Guilt

and a few invoker-ish...

Apocalypse from the Pants
Summon Angel of Pants
Pants of the Gods
Racking Pants of Pain (ouch x2)
Hier stehe ich, ich kann nicht anders. Das Fliegende Spaghettimonster helfe mir. RAmen.
Swordmage Shielding Pants
Come and Get Pants!
Lead the Pants
Hurl through Pants
Thirteen Baleful Pants
Pants on the Wind
Furious Pants
Armathor's Pants
Dimensional Pants
Transposing Pants
Pants of Agony 
Tension?  What tension?  I think these forums are essentially tension free.  [rimshot]

Looking at my invoker:

23: Hand of Pants
24: Grasping Pants
25: Pants of Astral Fire
26: Demand Pants
27: Written in Pants

Actually, all of the level 9 invoker dailies can work for this:

28: Baleful Pants
29: Bestowed Pants
AKA
30: Pants Lunacy
31: Brand the Pants
32: Cast the First Pants
33: Cerulean Pants
34: Fourfold Invocation of Pants
35: Hall of Thunderous Pants
AKA
36: Pants of Thunderous Battle
37: Herald the Pants Unleashed
38: Malediction of Pants
AKA
39: Pants of Rigidity
40: Summon Pants Angel
41: Twist of Pants
AKA
42: Pants of Fate
43: Visions of Pants

I think from this experiment, we can scientifically conclude that "pants" is a darned funny word.
 
Bigby's Grasping Pants?




This one cracked me up!  Well done!
Oh man this makes me want to play a Student of the Pants who beats people up with a set of old trousers whilst making deep and philosophical statements about pants.

Also I'll take a pair of Howling Pants. And don't forget the various Song of Pants. Or the Pants of Courage.
Epic Dungeon Master

Want to give your players a kingdom of their own? I made a 4e rule system to make it happen!

Your Kingdom awaits!
Update 5th Sep 2011: Added a sample kingdom, as well as sample of play.
The battle is joined.

The Hero
====== Created Using Wizards of the Pants D&D Character Builder ======
level 1
Human, Monk
Build: Stone Pants Monk
Monastic Tradition: Stone Pants

FINAL ABILITY SCORES
Str 14, Con 10, Dex 20, Int 10, Wis 11, Cha 8.

FEATS
Human: Action Pants
Level 1: Improved Monk Pants Strike

POWERS
Bonus At-Will Power: Dancing Pants
Monk at-will 1: Five Pants
Monk at-will 1: Dragon's Pants
Monk encounter 1: Open the Pants of Battle
Monk daily 1: Spinning Pants Maneuver

ITEMS
Monk Pants Strike, Adventurer's Pants, Fine Pants
====== Copy to Clipboard and Press the Import Button on the Summary Tab ======


His Nemesis
====== Created Using Wizards of the Pants D&D Character Builder ======
level 1
Half-Elf, Assassin
Build: Night Pantser Assassin
Guild Training: Night Pantser

FINAL ABILITY SCORES
Str 10, Con 13, Dex 18, Int 10, Wis 8, Cha 16.

FEATS
Level 1: Velvet Pants Trick

POWERS
Assassin at-will 1: Inescapable Pants
Assassin at-will 1: Leaping Pants
Dilettante: Pants Flourish
Assassin encounter 1: Smothering Pants
Assassin daily 1: Targeted for Pantsing

ITEMS
Camouflaged Pants, Leather Pants, Short Pants
====== Copy to Clipboard and Press the Import Button on the Summary Tab ======
Monk encounter 1: Open the Pants of Battle



This is overpowered and needs to be nerfed, stat.
Hier stehe ich, ich kann nicht anders. Das Fliegende Spaghettimonster helfe mir. RAmen.
Monk encounter 1: Open the Pants of Battle



This is overpowered and needs to be nerfed, stat.



At least it's not autohit, like Pants Missile.
Monk encounter 1: Open the Pants of Battle



This is overpowered and needs to be nerfed, stat.



At least it's not autohit, like Pants Missile.



Is there any way to prevent Open the Pants of Battle, or must you counter it with the level 30 ritual Raise Pants?
Hier stehe ich, ich kann nicht anders. Das Fliegende Spaghettimonster helfe mir. RAmen.
If you think that's overpowered, wait till you see "All pants are off". Of course you could always by using "Rub pants in it".
Epic Dungeon Master

Want to give your players a kingdom of their own? I made a 4e rule system to make it happen!

Your Kingdom awaits!
Update 5th Sep 2011: Added a sample kingdom, as well as sample of play.

Is there any way to prevent Open the Pants of Battle, or must you counter it with the level 30 ritual Raise Pants?


Raise Pants is only usable by the Necropantser, due out in The Pants of Shadow accessory in the fall.

Celebrate our differences.

Raise Pants is only usable by the Necropantser, due out in The Pants of Shadow accessory in the fall.



Well, there are still some other rituals that might help...

Control Pants (lv14)
Pantsguard (lv16)
Pants Seal (lv18)
Purify Pants (lv18)

Hier stehe ich, ich kann nicht anders. Das Fliegende Spaghettimonster helfe mir. RAmen.

Is there any way to prevent Open the Pants of Battle, or must you counter it with the level 30 ritual Raise Pants?


Raise Pants is only usable by the Necropantser, due out in The Pants of Shadow accessory in the fall.

Hmmm perhaps an Essential Cleric of the Pants Domain could get this
Ritual at level 8 though...

"Onward! The Pants favor us today!"
"For the zipper!"

Edit: The possibilities are endless! I just thought of how it would be if we modified the taglines from each class:
Fighter:
“You’ll have to deal with my pants first, dragon!”

Rogue:
“You look surprised to see me. If you’d been paying attention, your pants might still be there.”

Avenger:
“Everything my god needs to say to you can be said with my pants.”

Sorcerer:
“I am in the arcane, and the arcane is in my pants.”

Warden:
“Get past me? You might as well try to pull my pants down.”

Battlemind:
“My pants are a far deadlier weapon than some ill-crafted bit of iron.”

Psion: (rated R)
"I can bend the desires of mortals and immortals down to my pants."

Assassin:
“By the time you see me, it is too late to save your pants.”

Sneak in the pants
Pants in the eyes

Pantspriests can get

Pants of the Flanking Wind
Unconquered Pants
Symbol of Pants Reversed

This thread is brilliant, ADHadh!
Hier stehe ich, ich kann nicht anders. Das Fliegende Spaghettimonster helfe mir. RAmen.
Unconquered Pants

Not for long
My InPantser will
Summon Pants of Fire

and if that doesn't work, the Pantsspeaker PP
Chains of Pants
False Pants
EndPantser

And top it off with the Pants Angel ED
Pants Hosts

guides
List of no-action attacks.
Dynamic vs Static Bonuses
Phalanx tactics and builds
Crivens! A Pictsies Guide Good
Power
s to intentionally miss with
Mr. Cellophane: How to be unnoticed
Way's to fire around corners
Crits: what their really worth
Retroactive bonus vs Static bonus.
Runepriest handbook & discussion thread
Holy Symbols to hang around your neck
Ways to Gain or Downgrade Actions
List of bonuses to saving throws
The Ghost with the Most (revenant handbook)
my builds
F-111 Interdictor Long (200+ squares) distance ally teleporter. With some warlord stuff. Broken in a plot way, not a power way.

Thought Switch Higher level build that grants upto 14 attacks on turn 1. If your allies play along, it's broken.

Elven Critters Crit op with crit generation. 5 of these will end anything. Broken.

King Fisher Optimized net user.  Moderate.

Boominator Fun catch-22 booming blade build with either strong or completely broken damage depending on your reading.

Very Distracting Warlock Lot's of dazing and major penalties to hit. Overpowered.

Pocket Protector Pixie Stealth Knight. Maximizing the defender's aura by being in an ally's/enemy's square.

Yakuza NinjIntimiAdin: Perma-stealth Striker that offers a little protection for ally's, and can intimidate bloodied enemies. Very Strong.

Chargeburgler with cheese Ranged attacks at the end of a charge along with perma-stealth. Solid, could be overpowered if tweaked.

Void Defender Defends giving a penalty to hit anyone but him, then removing himself from play. Can get somewhat broken in epic.

Scry and Die Attacking from around corners, while staying hidden. Moderate to broken, depending on the situation.

Skimisher Fly in, attack, and fly away. Also prevents enemies from coming close. Moderate to Broken depending on the enemy, but shouldn't make the game un-fun, as the rest of your team is at risk, and you have enough weaknesses.

Indestructible Simply won't die, even if you sleep though combat.  One of THE most abusive character in 4e.

Sir Robin (Bravely Charge Away) He automatically slows and pushes an enemy (5 squares), while charging away. Hard to rate it's power level, since it's terrain dependent.

Death's Gatekeeper A fun twist on a healic, making your party "unkillable". Overpowered to Broken, but shouldn't actually make the game un-fun, just TPK proof.

Death's Gatekeeper mk2, (Stealth Edition) Make your party "unkillable", and you hidden, while doing solid damage. Stronger then the above, but also easier for a DM to shut down. Broken, until your DM get's enough of it.

Domination and Death Dominate everything then kill them quickly. Only works @ 30, but is broken multiple ways.

Battlemind Mc Prone-Daze Protecting your allies by keeping enemies away. Quite powerful.

The Retaliator Getting hit deals more damage to the enemy then you receive yourself, and you can take plenty of hits. Heavy item dependency, Broken.

Dead Kobold Transit Teleports 98 squares a turn, and can bring someone along for the ride. Not fully built, so i can't judge the power.

Psilent Guardian Protect your allies, while being invisible. Overpowered, possibly broken.

Rune of Vengance Do lot's of damage while boosting your teams. Strong to slightly overpowered.

Charedent BarrageA charging ardent. Fine in a normal team, overpowered if there are 2 together, and easily broken in teams of 5.

Super Knight A tough, sticky, high damage knight. Strong.

Super Duper Knight Basically the same as super knight with items, making it far more broken.

Mora, the unkillable avenger Solid damage, while being neigh indestuctable. Overpowered, but not broken.

Swordburst Maximus At-Will Close Burst 3 that slide and prones. Protects allies with off actions. Strong, possibly over powered with the right party.

Unconquered Pants

Not for long
My InPantser will
Summon Pants of Fire

and if that doesn't work, the Pantsspeaker PP
Chains of Pants
False Pants
EndPantser

And top it off with the Pants Angel ED
Pants Hosts



Fortunately, my Pantspriest (or is it Runepants? not sure) has:

Rune of the Pants' Resolve
Rune of the Warded Pants
and of course
Pants of the Astral Winds
Hier stehe ich, ich kann nicht anders. Das Fliegende Spaghettimonster helfe mir. RAmen.
Pantspriests must be of LEVI alignment and are best known as Holy Pantspriests.

Celebrate our differences.

Pant Tea (someone had to do it)
IMAGE(http://images.community.wizards.com/community.wizards.com/user/blitzschnell/0a90721d221e50e5755af156c179fe51.jpg?v=90000)
Barbarian:
Rage of the Pants Spirit
Deny Pants

Warlock:
Your Delicious Pants
Pant's Fond Caress
Devouring Pants

Frenzied Berserker:
Pantsless Frenzy

Cleric:
Return from Death's Pants
Unexpected Pants

Punisher of the Gods:
Repel Pants

Wizard:
Pants Escape
Pants of Ruin
Wall of Pants

Rogue:
Hide in Plain Pants
Insightful Pants
Reorient the Pants
Slick Pants
Spring the Pants
Resistive Pants
Curative Pants
Inspiring Pants
Swift Pants 
Some monsters have real issues with clothing:

Allabar, Opener of the Pants


Allabar works to keep its pants close so that when they inevitably die, it can absorb them into its fleshy bulk. When Allabar is bloodied and senses that its pants pose a true threat, it sprouts more tentacles and enters into a flurry of attacks.


Lolth


Lolth is a capricious goddess. She subverts and manipulates pants in her service, expending them without thought. She feasts on the misfortune and misery of her pants, propagating betrayal and deceit.


Pants Mimic


A plain, unadorned chest holds the ancient pants of a long-forgotten king. A barred oak door leads to a chamber of arcane pants. A priceless work of art hangs within easy pants. The pants mimic is a deadly predator, using curiosity and greed to lure duped prey into its ravenous maw. I mean, its ravenous pants.


Frenzied Berserker:
Pantsless Frenzy




Oh, panstless frenzy. . . good times.


For the dwarves in the house:

Stand in Your Pants
Pants of Resilience
Dwarven Weapon Pants
Encoubmered Pants
Cast Iron Pants


 This is my 16th-level Two-Pants Ranger...

At-wills:

Pants and Run
Marauder's Pants

Encounters:

Dire Wolverine Pants
Disruptive Pants
Hawk's Pants
Nimble Pants

Dailies:

Pants of the Wolf
Two-Wolf Pants
Pants On The Run
Confounding Pants

Utilities:

Yeild Pants
Evade Pants
Open The Pants
Shared Pants

Show

I am the Magic Man.

(Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.)

 

I am the Lawnmower Man.

(I AM GOD HERE!)

 

I am the Skull God.

(Koo Koo Ka Choo)

 

There are reasons they call me Mad...

Mad_Jack, personally, for your level 5 daily, instead of Two-Wolf Pants, I would have taken Splitting-Pants Stance.
Hier stehe ich, ich kann nicht anders. Das Fliegende Spaghettimonster helfe mir. RAmen.
Pants Accuracy? Or Elven Pants.

My spin on Pants Mimic:

 Plain, unadorned pants hold the ancient riches of a long-forgotten king. 


Warlock:
Pants of Levistus
Darkworm Pants
Pants Bind
Tyranny of Pants
Shared Pants

Sorcerer:
Pants Javelins
Pants' Chaos
Subtlety of the Pants Wyrm
Seriously, though, you should check out the PbP Haven. You might also like Real Adventures, IF you're cool.
Knights of W.T.F.- Silver Spur Winner
4enclave, a place where 4e fans can talk 4e in peace.
Pants Javelins

And here I thought you were just happy to see me.

Subtlety of the Pants Wyrm

Can we get a stat block on his cousin, the more terrifying, trouser snake?

Celebrate our differences.

A character I'm currently working on:

Roy Cordu, Passive Pantslord
====== Created Using Wizards of the Pants D&D Pants Builder ======
Roy Cordu, level 30
Pantslingling, Pantslord, Battlepants of Kord, Heir to the Pants
Pantslord: Combat Pants
Commanding Pants: Tactical Pants
Background: Ward of the Pants (Sewing class skill)

TRAINED SKILLS
Sewing +29, Hem Lines +29, Measurements +31, Patching +22

Feats
Level 1: Trouser Assault
Level 2: Imperious Pants
Level 4: Improved Inspiring Pants
Level 6: Improved Pants (retrained to Superior Pants at Level 21)
Level 8: Pants of Healing
Level 10: Expert Combat Pants (retrained to Pants Commander at Level 11)
Level 11: Tactician's Pants
Level 12: Pants On
Level 14: Reserve Pants
Level 16: Pants of Belial
Level 18: Trouser Sense
Level 20: Paragon Pants (retrained to Robust Pants at Level 22)
Level 21: Supreme Pants
Level 22: Call to Pants
Level 24: Trousers' Wrath
Level 26: Dispater's Iron Pants
Level 28: Trouser Mastery
Level 30: Perceptive Pants

POWERS

Pantslord at-will 1: Commander's Pants
Pantslord at-will 1: Direct the Pants
Pantslord encounter 1: Powerful Pants
Pantslord daily 1: Trouser Surprise
Pantslord utility 2: Knight's Pants (retrained to Adaptive Pants at Level 6)
Pantslord encounter 3: Overwhelming Trouser Trap
Pantslord daily 5: Pants of Victory
Pantslord utility 6: Reorient the Pants
Pantslord encounter 7: Trouser Fire
Pantslord daily 9: Pants Recovery
Pantslord utility 10: Tactical Pants
Battlepants of Kord encounter 11: Trousers of Triumph
Battlepants of Kord utility 12: Blood-Tested Pants
Pantslord encounter 13: Pants Maneuver (replaces Powerful Warning)
Reserve Pants Feat: Powerful Pants (ready in place of Trousers of Triumph)
Pantslord daily 15: Pants Master's Assault (replaces Trouser Surprise)
Pantslord utility 16: Pants or Trousers
Pants of Belial Feat: Pants of Vigor (replaces Blood-Tested Pants)
Pantslord encounter 17: Impromptu Pants (replaces Trouser Fire)
Pantslord daily 19: Exhorted Trouserattack (replaces Pants of Victory)
Battlepants of Kord daily 20: Pants of the Storm
Pantslord utility 22: Quickening Pants
Pantslord encounter 23: Pants Burst Trap (replaces Overwhelming Trouser Trap)
Pantslord daily 25: Precision Pants (replaces Pants Recovery)
Heir to the Pants utility 26: Ruler of Pants and Trousers
Pantslord encounter 27: A Pants Comes Together (replaces Pants Burst Trap)
Pantslord daily 29: Perfect Pants (replaces Exhorted Trouserattack)

ITEMS
Adventurer's Pants, Tactician's Godpants +6, Raven Pants +6, Wolfen Short Pants +2 (2), General's Trousers (paragon tier), Pants of Regeneration (epic tier), Pants of Tactical Brilliance (paragon tier), Golden Crown of Pants Command (paragon tier), Book of Five Pants (The Fourth Pants) (epic tier), Trousers of Teleportation (epic tier), Shimmering Pants (epic tier), Gloves of the Pants (epic tier), Pants of Life (epic tier) (3), Potion of Pants (level 30) (2), Darkleaf Light Pants (heroic tier), Fine Pants, Identification Pants with Portrait, Trousers
Due to the prevailence of disturbing paintless creatures and our pacifist cleric not being allowd to beat the pants off them she bought back the Bestow Pants prayer

It had to be done.  Fear the master bard.

Celebrate our differences.

This is cracking me up. I like a good old traditional fighter: 

Show

====== Created Using Wizards of the Coast D&D Character Builder ======
Trench, level 2
Pantsforged, Fighter
Fighter Talents: Two-handed Pants Talent
Background: Enlisted Soldier (+2 to Endurance)

FINAL ABILITY SCORES
Str 18, Con 16, Dex 13, Int 10, Wis 14, Cha 8.

STARTING ABILITY SCORES
Str 16, Con 14, Dex 13, Int 10, Wis 14, Cha 8.


AC: 19 Fort: 18 Reflex: 13 Will: 15
HP: 37 Surges: 12 Surge Value: 9

TRAINED SKILLS
Streetwise +5, Endurance +13, Athletics +10

UNTRAINED SKILLS
Acrobatics +2, Arcana +1, Bluff, Diplomacy, Dungeoneering +3, Heal +3, History +1, Insight +3, Intimidate +2, Nature +3, Perception +3, Religion +1, Stealth +2, Thievery +2

FEATS
Level 1: Pants Expertise (Pants)
Level 2: Battle-Scarred Pants

POWERS
Fighter at-will 1: Pants
Fighter at-will 1: Pants Surge
Fighter encounter 1: Pants Ringer
Fighter daily 1: Lasting Pants
Fighter utility 2: Unpantsable

ITEMS
Veteran's Scale Pants +1, Inescapable Greatpants +1, Amulet of Pants +1, Adventurer's Pants
====== Copy to Clipboard and Press the Import Button on the Summary Tab ======

This thread is brilliant, ADHadh!


Would you say it is... pants-tastic?
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