YMTC Wording Clinic - No Appointment Necessary

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So I was chilling over in Rules Q&A, when I noticed that there were a few threads asking about YMTC wordings over there. I thought to myself "There must be a bunch of people who don't want to head over to RQ&A for these questions, and we used to have a thread for this ourselves." So I've decided to re-open the Wording Clinic.

Here's how it works: If you're not sure about how well one of your cards works, post it here. If you see a card here, tell the poster whether or not their card works with the rules. If it doesn't work, try to suggest a way that does, or at least explain why there is a problem. Feel free to post replies - I can't be online to answer questions 24/7, but if people who know the answers keep posting, the thread can maintain a good turn-around time on help requests.

So, by the power invested in me by me, I declare the YMTC Wording Clinic open!
Saviour of the YMtC Mushroom Kingdom (A Kavu Overlord™ contest)! Avatars (yes, both of them) are Justin from El Goonish Shive. Check it out at www.egscomics.com "I think you just wrote my epitaph" -Detektor
Yes! Go over to Zammm's Pop Quiz thread and...

Fix!
That!
Card!
"I think me going Bang bang bang I win is pretty intuitive" Mafia Record: Wouldn't you like to know? 2011 Mafia Awards - Mastermind of the Year
mymoment
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57817638 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
88318561 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
Moriok Rigger does absolutely nothing to boost other riggers. You are incorrect.
Moriok Rigger is not a Rigger in print. Only in Errata WHAT NOW! (yes, I did put that phrase in for that exact reason)
Congratulations, they have activated your trap card!
The card's inherently unfixable - that's the whole reason zammm made it. This does a good job, though:

Pseudosubject :1mana::symgu:
Creature - Homunculus
Whenever Pseudosubject becomes the target of an instant or sorcery spell you control, you may pay :1mana:. If you do, that spell gains "Return this spell to its owner's hand.".
"With the recent fall in recruitment numbers, an alternative source of test subjects is required. These should serve admirably."
--Momir Vig

0/1

Should be functionally very similar, except it can be Stifled.
Saviour of the YMtC Mushroom Kingdom (A Kavu Overlord™ contest)! Avatars (yes, both of them) are Justin from El Goonish Shive. Check it out at www.egscomics.com "I think you just wrote my epitaph" -Detektor
That is essentially what I was looking for.
"I think me going Bang bang bang I win is pretty intuitive" Mafia Record: Wouldn't you like to know? 2011 Mafia Awards - Mastermind of the Year
mymoment
\
57817638 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
88318561 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
Moriok Rigger does absolutely nothing to boost other riggers. You are incorrect.
Moriok Rigger is not a Rigger in print. Only in Errata WHAT NOW! (yes, I did put that phrase in for that exact reason)
Congratulations, they have activated your trap card!
just like on the MSE forums :D this will be a great resource!

for you! 

please post cards in my threads they are special places to me

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If you are unhappy with the recent update, especially if you are leaving or are thinking of leaving, please email me at gameostasis@gmail.com so we can talk about a solution. 

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Soul Battery (4)(W)

Artifact

If soul battery was to be put in your graveyard from play, shuffle it into your library instead

whenever a creature enters the graveyard from the battlefield, put a charge counter on Soul Battery.

Remove X Charge counters from Soul Battery, Exile Soul Battery (T): add 2X colorless mana to your mana pool. You lose 1 health for each mana gained this way.
Soul Battery 4W
Artifact
If Soul Battery would be put into your graveyard from the battlefield, instead shuffle it into your library.
Whenever a creature is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, put a charge counter on Soul Battery.
T, remove any number of charge counters from Soul Battery and exile it: Add 2 to your mana pool for each charge counter removed this way. You lose 2 life for each charge counter removed this way.

---

I'm not sure if this works with how spells are cast:

Frenzied Rioters 3RR
Creature - Human Warrior (U)
When Frenzied Rioters enters the battlefield, an opponent of your choice chooses one  - Up to three target creatures can't block this turn; or creatures you control get +1/+0 and gain haste until end of turn.
"Like a river's flow, the rage of the people can only be diverted, never contained." - Vituperate slogan
4/3

Never put exile ~ or sacrifice ~ before :T:. It's really confusing to see that on a card. That's why wizards almost always puts tap first or second (after mana).

I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see. -Alice

If soul battery would be put into a graveyard from the battlefield, shuffle it into its owner's library instead.

Whenever a creature is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, put a charge counter on Soul Battery.

T, Remove any number of charge counters from Soul Battery, Exile Soul Battery: Add {2} to your mana pool for each counter removed this way. You lose 2 life for each charge counter removed this way.


What happened to the old Wording Clinic?



What happened to the old Wording Clinic?



Presumeably it got closd when the boards changed because it had too many posts.  I believe the ORCs said that threads with over 10,000 or so posts will get auto locked for archiving's sake.

~Squinty

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php

The card's inherently unfixable - that's the whole reason zammm made it. This does a good job, though:

Pseudosubject :1mana::symgu:
Creature - Homunculus
Whenever Pseudosubject becomes the target of an instant or sorcery spell you control, you may pay :1mana:. If you do, that spell gains "Return this spell to its owner's hand.".
"With the recent fall in recruitment numbers, an alternative source of test subjects is required. These should serve admirably."
--Momir Vig

0/1

Should be functionally very similar, except it can be Stifled.



I personally don't see why this needs to be fixed.



I'm not sure if this works with how spells are cast:

Frenzied Rioters 3RR
Creature - Human Warrior (U)
When Frenzied Rioters enters the battlefield, an opponent of your choice chooses one  - Up to three target creatures can't block this turn; or creatures you control get +1/+0 and gain haste until end of turn.
"Like a river's flow, the rage of the people can only be diverted, never contained." - Vituperate slogan
4/3



That works i think.

Also, Soul Battery needs its third ability to not be a mana ability imo, or else you can get wierd shenanigans going on with cards like that and Reverse the Sands.
A little bit of courage is the real magic.
@Silly_Dragons: The original card's in zammm's Pop Quiz thread. It gave the spell Buyback, which, of course, was granted too late to choose to pay it. Dr Demento asked me to fix it, so I posted the fixed version - not identical, but functional and very close.
Saviour of the YMtC Mushroom Kingdom (A Kavu Overlord™ contest)! Avatars (yes, both of them) are Justin from El Goonish Shive. Check it out at www.egscomics.com "I think you just wrote my epitaph" -Detektor
Fight to the End :3mana:
Sorcery
Choose two target creatures. Each of those creatures deals damage equal to its power to the other. You may copy Fight to the End with the same targets any number of times.
Fight to the End :3mana:
Sorcery
Choose two target creatures. Each of those creatures deals damage equal to its power to the other. You may copy Fight to the End with the same targets any number of times.


It works as it is, but this can just guaranteed kill both creatures - if one of the targets is still legal, it will use Last Known Information to damage the living one. If you wanted to avoid this:

Fight to the End :3mana:
Sorcery
Choose two target creatures. Each of those creatures, if it is on the battlefield, deals damage equal to its power to the other. You may copy Fight to the End any number of times.

If you're not told to change the targets of your copy, it has the same targets by default.
Saviour of the YMtC Mushroom Kingdom (A Kavu Overlord™ contest)! Avatars (yes, both of them) are Justin from El Goonish Shive. Check it out at www.egscomics.com "I think you just wrote my epitaph" -Detektor
Show
Fight to the End :3mana:
Sorcery
Choose two target creatures. Each of those creatures deals damage equal to its power to the other. You may copy Fight to the End with the same targets any number of times.

It works as it is, but this can just guaranteed kill both creatures - if one of the targets is still legal, it will use Last Known Information to damage the living one. If you wanted to avoid this:

Fight to the End :3mana:
Sorcery
Choose two target creatures. Each of those creatures, if it is on the battlefield, deals damage equal to its power to the other. You may copy Fight to the End any number of times.

If you're not told to change the targets of your copy, it has the same targets by default.



Many thanks; that was indeed what I was looking for. Back when I first started playing, I thought all combat resolved like this (keep dealing damage until one side dies) and wanted to re-create the process.
Also, Soul Battery needs its third ability to not be a mana ability imo, or else you can get wierd shenanigans going on with cards like that and Reverse the Sands.



it doesnt make white mana

and still no one has commented about a certain group of abilities on it.


it doesnt make white mana

and still no one has commented about a certain group of abilities on it.


Eurus gave you the proper templating for each of the abilities. Beyond that, they're all functional. What's worrying you?
Saviour of the YMtC Mushroom Kingdom (A Kavu Overlord™ contest)! Avatars (yes, both of them) are Justin from El Goonish Shive. Check it out at www.egscomics.com "I think you just wrote my epitaph" -Detektor


it doesnt make white mana

and still no one has commented about a certain group of abilities on it.


Eurus gave you the proper templating for each of the abilities. Beyond that, they're all functional. What's worrying you?



the fact no one noticed a certain intentional error on it
I'm sorry, but the original card was riddled with wording errors. Please tell me what this "intentional error" is - Eurus' fix works fine.
Saviour of the YMtC Mushroom Kingdom (A Kavu Overlord™ contest)! Avatars (yes, both of them) are Justin from El Goonish Shive. Check it out at www.egscomics.com "I think you just wrote my epitaph" -Detektor
I'm sorry, but the original card was riddled with wording errors. Please tell me what this "intentional error" is - Eurus' fix works fine.


it exiles itself, so it doesnt hit the graveyard

it cant shuffle itself back into the deck if used

and it wasnt wording error, it was wording finesse
I'm sorry, but the original card was riddled with wording errors. Please tell me what this "intentional error" is - Eurus' fix works fine.


it exiles itself, so it doesnt hit the graveyard

it cant shuffle itself back into the deck if used

and it wasnt wording error, it was wording finesse



I assumed that it was meant ot shuffle itself up if it was destroyed, not used. I took the exile as a way to avoid this.

Also, this thread doesn't fix design flaws, just wording.
"I think me going Bang bang bang I win is pretty intuitive" Mafia Record: Wouldn't you like to know? 2011 Mafia Awards - Mastermind of the Year
mymoment
\
57817638 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
88318561 wrote:
58060728 wrote:
Moriok Rigger does absolutely nothing to boost other riggers. You are incorrect.
Moriok Rigger is not a Rigger in print. Only in Errata WHAT NOW! (yes, I did put that phrase in for that exact reason)
Congratulations, they have activated your trap card!
I'm sorry, but the original card was riddled with wording errors. Please tell me what this "intentional error" is - Eurus' fix works fine.


it exiles itself, so it doesnt hit the graveyard

it cant shuffle itself back into the deck if used

and it wasnt wording error, it was wording finesse


I assumed that was intentional - if your opponent messes with it, it comes back eventually, but once you use it, it's gone. I quite liked it, though it should probably be "from anywhere", not just "from the battlefield". And besides, that isn't the point of this thread. We're here to fix up problems with rules interactions, templating errors, redundant text, and similar.
Saviour of the YMtC Mushroom Kingdom (A Kavu Overlord™ contest)! Avatars (yes, both of them) are Justin from El Goonish Shive. Check it out at www.egscomics.com "I think you just wrote my epitaph" -Detektor
I'm sorry, but the original card was riddled with wording errors. Please tell me what this "intentional error" is - Eurus' fix works fine.


it exiles itself, so it doesnt hit the graveyard

it cant shuffle itself back into the deck if used


That's not an error in functionality (ie, something which doesn't work in the rules). It might be a design error, but that isn't the purpose of the Wording Clinic; people correct wordings here, not design, so if your design means that activating the ability doesn't have fun interactions with other abilities then that's the functionality that is preserved in wording corrections.
I'm sorry, but the original card was riddled with wording errors. Please tell me what this "intentional error" is - Eurus' fix works fine.


it exiles itself, so it doesnt hit the graveyard

it cant shuffle itself back into the deck if used

and it wasnt wording error, it was wording finesse


I assumed that was intentional - if your opponent messes with it, it comes back eventually, but once you use it, it's gone. I quite liked it, though it should probably be "from anywhere", not just "from the battlefield". And besides, that isn't the point of this thread. We're here to fix up problems with rules interactions, templating errors, redundant text, and similar.



creatures on the battlefield have souls, the battery harvests souls

creatures in your hand and library are thought blurbs

it was intentional, but not to return it incase it got blown up
I need this to be the reminder text of a keyword:

When {this} enters the battlefield, you may search your library for a permanent card with converted mana cost less than {this} and phase it out, then shuffle your library. You may pay to phase it in and phase {this} out (and vice versa). They don't phase in during your untap step.

7 lines FTW.

I would make it with exile, but I don't want it to trigger CIP abilities all the time.
The last ability could be an activated ability, but I don't want it to use the stack. Of course, that's all CR stuff. I just want to know if I can improve the reminder.
And I'm not sure if I should use vice versa or "or phase {this} in and phase that permanent out."
creatures on the battlefield have souls, the battery harvests souls


Yup, they sure do.

~Squinty

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php

I need this to be the reminder text of a keyword:

When {this} enters the battlefield, you may search your library for a permanent card with converted mana cost less than {this} and phase it out, then shuffle your library. It doesn't phase in during your untap step. You may pay to phase it in and phase {this} out (and vice versa).

7 lines FTW.

I would make it with exile, but I don't want it to trigger CIP abilities all the time.
The last ability could be an activated ability, but I don't want it to use the stack. Of course, that's all CR stuff. I just want to know if I can improve the reminder.
And I'm not sure if I should use vice versa or "or phase {this} in and phase that permanent out."


Ugh...

The only change I can make is that it needs to put the card onto the battlefield phased out, not just be phased out. Sorry, that's not much help.
Saviour of the YMtC Mushroom Kingdom (A Kavu Overlord™ contest)! Avatars (yes, both of them) are Justin from El Goonish Shive. Check it out at www.egscomics.com "I think you just wrote my epitaph" -Detektor
Oh, you're right. 8 lines FTW then. >.<

Yeah, I guess I'll just forget about it.
Also, it's a little late, but soul battery shouldn't be a mana ability because of the following interaction.

1) Announce you are casting a spell that lets you switch life totals with your opponent. We'll use Reverse the Sands as an example.
2) Activate Soul Battery's mana ability while you are casting Reverse the Sands. You add X mana to your mana pool and lose X life, bringing you to 0 or less life.
3) Pay 6WW for Reverse the Sands and finish casting it.
4) Let Reverse the Sands resolve. You now have your opponent's life total, and your opponent has yours.
5) You opponent loses as he has 0 life and SBAs are checked right after a spell is done resolving.
A little bit of courage is the real magic.
How would you survive with 0 life after you cast the spell and before it resolves?
How would you survive with 0 life after you cast the spell and before it resolves?


Poop. Forgot about that.
A little bit of courage is the real magic.
Flamesaber Marauder

Creature - Human Berserker - Uncommon
Haste
Archive - You control four or more attacking creatures. (Any time you could cast a sorcery, you may exile this card from your hand facedown. As long as this card is archived and You control four or more attacking creatures, you may cast this card any time you could cast an instant by paying .)
If Flamesaber Marauder did not enter the battlefield from your hand, it gains +4/+4 and trample until the end of turn.

Edit: Any time you could play an instant added.

Currently working on making a Dex based defender. Check it out here
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Need a few pre-generated characters for a one-shot you are running? Want to get a baseline for what an effective build for a class you aren't familiar with? Check out the Pregen thread here If ever you are interested what it sounds like to be at my table check out my blog and podcast here Also, I've recently done an episode on "Refluffing". You can check that out here
It needs to enter the battlefield tapped and attacking for its ability to be relevant.
That is not a human, that is a Tiefling, and it's not a berserker it's a warlock.

I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see. -Alice

It needs to enter the battlefield tapped and attacking for its ability to be relevant.



wouldn't that be really funky if you reanimated it from the graveyard though?

Edit: And how would you word it on the card?
Currently working on making a Dex based defender. Check it out here
Show
Need a few pre-generated characters for a one-shot you are running? Want to get a baseline for what an effective build for a class you aren't familiar with? Check out the Pregen thread here If ever you are interested what it sounds like to be at my table check out my blog and podcast here Also, I've recently done an episode on "Refluffing". You can check that out here
Possibly like this:

Flamesaber Marauder
Creature - Human Berserker

Haste
Archive redmana.gifredmana.gifredmana.gif - You control four or more attacking creatures. (Any time you could cast a sorcery, you may exile this card from your hand facedown. As long as this card is archived and You control four or more attacking creatures, you may cast this card any time you could cast an instant by paying redmana.gifredmana.gifredmana.gif.)
If it is your combat phase, Flamesaber Marauder enters the battlefield tapped and attacking.
When Flamesaber Marauder enters the battlefield, if you did not cast it from your hand, it gets +4/+4 and gains trample until end of turn.
1/1

The haste is unnecessary, but it does make casting it for a bit better.
Saviour of the YMtC Mushroom Kingdom (A Kavu Overlord™ contest)! Avatars (yes, both of them) are Justin from El Goonish Shive. Check it out at www.egscomics.com "I think you just wrote my epitaph" -Detektor
Suppressed Anger 1R
Enchantment C
Whenever an attacking creature you control is blocked by a creature with higher toughness than attacking creature’s power, put a quest counter on Suppressed Anger.
Remove three quest counters from Suppressed Anger and sacrifice it: Suppressed Anger deals 5 damage to target creature.

The clause I'm wondering about is obviously the first. Is there any way to phrase that more cleanly?

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Suppressed Anger 1R
Enchantment C
Whenever an attacking creature you control is blocked by a creature with higher toughness than the attacking creature’s power, put a quest counter on Suppressed Anger.


Remove three quest counters from Suppressed Anger and sacrifice it: Suppressed Anger deals 5 damage to target creature.
Suppressed Anger -
Enchantment   {C}
Whenever a creature you control attacks and does not deal combat damage to a player, put a quest counter on Suppressed Anger.
Remove three quest counters from Suppressed Anger and sacrifice it: Suppressed Anger deals 5 damage to target creature.

I dunno, just an idea.  I know it's functionally different..... but kinda still holds true.

~Squinty

http://forum.nogoblinsallowed.com/index.php

I want it so that the third time, or if multiple creatures get blocked in one combat phase, you can use it immediately to burn a blocking creature. Thanks for the suggestion, though.
I want it so that the third time, or if multiple creatures get blocked in one combat phase, you can use it immediately to burn a blocking creature. Thanks for the suggestion, though.


In that case, your wording is fine.